Latest / Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast / 32 | Woman's Fiancé is Rethinking Having Kids If They’re Too Dark?

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32 | Woman's Fiancé is Rethinking Having Kids If They’re Too Dark? · Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast

0:04
Let's talk. Hello y'all.
0:06
Welcome back. It's episode 32.
0:08
Thank you for joining us. Make sure to like and subscribe.
0:11
Thank you. I really appreciate you guys
0:13
being here. And also make sure to join us on
0:15
Patreon afterwards for the full extended episode.
0:18
We love y'all. That's where we talk shit.
0:20
OK, Clara's on punch. We're gonna start off with our
0:24
story submission. This one's really good, He said.
0:26
Am I crazy or is he cheating? I-32 female and married to my
0:32
husband. 33, male and we have a blended family with five kids.
0:36
Three are mine and two are his. About a week ago we traveled to
0:39
New York together for a funeral. Before we left, we had already
0:43
been having issues because I feel like he hasn't been giving
0:45
me the time, attention or affection I need.
0:49
Things like hugs, kisses, or even holding my hand.
0:52
He admits that he's been slacking and blames work.
0:56
Really, I know work. Is making it so you can't give
0:58
me a kiss. Exactly.
0:59
Which takes 30 seconds, but OK. During the entire drive to and
1:04
from New York, it felt like I was sitting next to a stranger.
1:07
There was barely any conversation.
1:09
At one point I started talking to myself just to fill the
1:12
silence. He then said I didn't know it
1:14
was mandatory for us to talk, which really upset me and I lost
1:18
my temper. What kind of what?
1:20
Exactly. We got home Monday morning and I
1:24
was still angry. A couple days later he left his
1:26
phone open. I wasn't planning on going
1:28
through it, but something kept bothering me so I did.
1:33
I must have been You left it open for a reason.
1:39
I found messages between him and another woman.
1:42
I didn't even go through all of them before I got upset.
1:45
The text included things like how was the gym?
1:48
How was your day going? What made you smile today?
1:51
He also sent her a picture of himself with his daughter.
1:55
Wait, you're a child? Yeah, when I confronted him he
2:00
said she's just a Co worker and she's like one of the guys that
2:04
didn't sit right with me, especially since there are other
2:07
women at his job and he didn't communicate like this with them.
2:10
And have you sent other dudes pictures of yourself and asked
2:13
what made you smile today? OK.
2:15
All right. I was able to recover some
2:18
deleted messages and one of them said I wish I could see you more
2:22
in person. I love you lol yeah lol now I
2:29
feel hurt, angry and confused. I trusted him completely and now
2:33
I don't know what to think. I've gone as far as looking up
2:36
information about her because nothing feels honest.
2:39
Am I overreacting or are those clear red?
2:42
Flags so I'm going to grab this on the first story yeah, because
2:49
what other indication has she gotten that it's not I love you
2:54
and you deleted. That message, you deleted that
2:56
message. OK, I know what you are exactly.
3:00
And he's not giving her any sort of affection of any kind.
3:04
No hugs. Kisses like because it's not
3:06
required apparently. I don't know is required to
3:10
speak during car ride. Do you not enjoy your company
3:13
anymore? Right.
3:14
Even if my thing, even if he hasn't cheated yet, this is
3:18
emotional cheating for me because he's just detached from
3:21
you and moved on in talking to this woman.
3:23
Yeah, who asked? What made you smile today?
3:25
Did she? Ask him or he asked her.
3:27
I have no idea. I think maybe she asked him.
3:31
What made you smile today? Not my wife.
3:38
Clearly, No, I don't think you are overreacting.
3:44
I think even like you said, even if it hasn't gotten physical, it
3:48
is on that way so I don't like it.
3:51
Why are you opening the door? That's what we talk about all
3:54
the time. You can't control the other
3:56
person even if they have a crush on you, if they're doing
3:59
whatever. Why are you opening the door
4:01
exactly if it's not like? That if she's just one of the
4:04
guys, the conversation is inappropriate.
4:07
And if she was one of the guys, the conversation wouldn't be
4:09
like that. Sure.
4:10
Wouldn't let me see your text thread with the dude.
4:12
Thank you I love you. Lol is that is that on the other
4:15
threads? I don't think so.
4:17
Stop exactly gaslighting me. That part I don't appreciate
4:21
that. I don't think you're
4:22
overreacting. I feel like what you're feeling
4:24
is what you're feeling. Again, a conversation would be
4:28
should be had. Oh yeah, if you want.
4:30
I mean, you could just bounce Mother.
4:32
What I mean, that's the thing, like she's trying to have
4:37
conversations with him. And if you've made-up your mind,
4:41
then it what's the conversation for?
4:42
It could be A1 sided. This is what's happening.
4:46
But what what are we talking about here?
4:48
If you believe he's cheating, if it's time to go, it's time to
4:51
go. Yeah.
4:54
Good luck babe. Thank you for submitting to the
4:55
show. Thank you.
4:58
Am I reacting for thinking my boyfriend is cheating with my
5:01
sister? We have a theme going.
5:04
Oh my goodness. OK, the two people who are
5:08
relevant here are my sister and my boyfriend.
5:11
He and I have been dating for almost a year and I really like
5:14
him and thought it was going well.
5:15
No red flags or anything, he was so nice.
5:19
My sister and I have been no contact since December and had
5:22
issues before that. I honestly think she's mentally
5:26
unwell at this point but I don't know since there's been no
5:28
diagnosis. Oh my.
5:30
God. She's crossed a lot of
5:32
boundaries and she's a bad person in my opinion, but she's
5:35
also not a good liar. One of my friends ran into her
5:39
at a club and she was basically bragging about how my boyfriend
5:43
didn't like me and picked her over me.
5:47
She seemed to think he had dumped me.
5:50
I have her blocked everywhere so she can't contact me but I went
5:53
over to our parents house where she lives to ask what the fuck
5:56
she's on about. Thank you thank you.
6:00
She sent me paragraphs about how he is with her now and they are
6:03
in love. How he dumped me for her and was
6:06
talking trash about me to her. I told my sister we are still
6:10
together and she doesn't believe me.
6:11
She seems genuinely convinced. I told him about it and he
6:16
claimed she's an insane stalker. He said he's never engaged with
6:20
her and she's going after him to hurt me.
6:23
I'm conflicted because she is kind of crazy and she is the
6:26
type to hurt another out of revenge but also she's a little
6:30
bit dumb and a liar but a super bad one.
6:34
Oh my God. So she may not be lying in this
6:36
case. My boyfriend knew we hated each
6:39
other so I'm confused why he wouldn't just tell me she who
6:42
was harassing him before. Like that's weird, right?
6:45
So things are weird here and I don't know how to go about it.
6:48
Facts say she's a weirdo, but I also think maybe he could be
6:52
taking advantage of the fact that I think she's nuts and we
6:54
don't talk. He let me look at his phone and
6:57
he has nothing from her number in texts, but he could have
6:59
deleted that and he has time to as well.
7:03
I don't know, I really like this guy but the fact that he didn't
7:05
tell me she was apparently obsessed with him is weird as
7:08
fuck to me. And also, if she is such a
7:10
stalker, where are the messages? I don't know what to think,
7:13
please help. Am I overreacting?
7:16
I don't think so. I think you have two different
7:19
parties gaslighting you in two different ways.
7:23
That's complicated right? There it is because what do you
7:26
believe? This, this your sister who you
7:29
have lots of bad blood with and you don't even talk to?
7:32
Who would lie on you and your boyfriend?
7:35
But also, your boyfriend's acting a little shady too to
7:38
begin with because why wouldn't you tell me that she was
7:41
stalking you? Yeah, and if you know that I
7:43
don't like her, then there would have been no issue with you
7:46
coming to me with the fact that my sister is again acting crazy
7:49
if this is her usual. Yes, if this is her default
7:53
setting, come let me know. Literally like there she go
7:58
again. Here's what he said today and we
8:00
could talk about that. That's not what he did.
8:03
So now that's a red flag for him.
8:05
But then if she's such a bad liar and she's not really like
8:11
slipping when she's talking about your boyfriend, it starts
8:16
to make me think like. I would go to her and I'd say
8:18
show me some pictures, show me some text messages from my
8:22
boyfriend. If this if you guys are really a
8:24
thing like that would be my first question.
8:26
Show me your phone. You know where she's at.
8:28
OK y'all are blocked but I know where you stay at so let me come
8:32
over and if you're so proud of this relationship, show me some
8:36
proof right? It's like OK if you can't do
8:39
that, your boyfriend could have deleted the messages.
8:42
He could be gaslighting you. Like I don't have a clear answer
8:46
for this one. Me neither.
8:48
But if you think he's cheating, I'm going to give the same
8:51
advice as I just gave him the last story.
8:54
Let's go ahead and bounce. Let's.
8:56
Do He's your boyfriend, not your husband, so let's.
8:59
Do let's bounce because all you're going to do is sit here
9:02
in the back of your mind and be curious and, and and it's going
9:06
to really messed things up. Yeah, it's already kind of
9:09
ruining it, the relationship. I'm sure it's like all friction.
9:13
Yeah. No, no, I don't have time to be
9:15
gas lit by two different people. One person I don't like, one
9:17
person I thought I liked. Yeah, No, no, no.
9:20
We're not playing this game. No, not overreacting.
9:23
No. Oh, absolutely not overreacting.
9:25
Yeah, something is going on, Yes.
9:28
Figure out what and then put an update so we can know.
9:30
Please. Thank you.
9:31
Thank you. Gen.
9:35
Z men, let's talk about them. Please, let's talk about them.
9:38
Yes. So there's this new trend called
9:41
looks maxing and basically it has Gen.
9:44
Z men obsessing over their hair, their jaw lines, their body,
9:49
their skin in a way that seems very unhealthy.
9:54
Let's say very unhealthy. If we can go to my screen, these
9:58
are a bunch of examples of just random Tik tokers of people who
10:02
are just doing unhealthy practices and trying to achieve
10:06
like the perfect look when it comes to everything.
10:10
Yeah, male attractiveness in just in general.
10:13
But the article that we were reading about this made a really
10:17
interesting point because they were basically saying welcome to
10:21
the club. Women have been doing this for
10:24
centuries and I want to read right from it because they said
10:29
quote. For decades women have been
10:31
subjected to non-stop messaging telling them that appearance is
10:34
everything. It started with magazines, movie
10:37
stars and music videos. Then the Internet came along and
10:40
made everything 100 times worse. So now we're seeing the same
10:44
thing on this grand scale but for men.
10:49
So women had our beauty and fashion gurus we're obsessing
10:53
over and now men have fitness influencers and this thing
10:56
called the manosphere. Yes girl, I did not know what
11:00
the manosphere. Did you have to look it up?
11:02
I looked it up. No, it's in your Google history.
11:05
No, no, I said it would Incognito with that.
11:10
The manosphere red pill you didn't know anything about.
11:13
That no, Oh my God. I mean, I know what red pill was
11:16
right? But I've never heard of the word
11:17
manosphere. And in case you haven't heard of
11:19
it either, I have the definition.
11:21
It's basically blogs, vlogs, websites and forums dedicated to
11:26
masculinity and misogyny. And most of the time it is in
11:29
direct opposition to feminism most of the time.
11:33
So it's just this that puts men on a pedestal type way and mixed
11:40
with that and they're, I don't know, men's need and want to
11:45
turn everything into a challenge to other men.
11:48
It's so crazy because they also mentioned another really good
11:51
point on the article. They're like when women are
11:53
insecure or feeling bad about themselves.
11:56
We usually go within and we do harmful practices in quiet where
12:01
no one can see. These men said I'm insecure,
12:05
Let's make it a challenge of all the insecure men and who can do
12:08
insecurity the best? It's everybody's problem now.
12:11
That's insane. So now you have a bunch of men
12:14
out there being like, who could apply makeup the best?
12:18
Yes, yes. Who can apply makeup the best?
12:21
Who can get the most ABS in a short amount of time?
12:24
Who could chisel their jawline to perfection?
12:26
The West. The the hammer, you saw that
12:28
hammer, they're hammering their jawline to break it.
12:32
So when it heals back, it heals exactly as they want them to do.
12:36
So like they're doing their own plastic surgery essentially.
12:38
Which is so dangerous, mind you. It's so great.
12:41
And then the one who took meth. Oh.
12:42
Let me get. There.
12:43
Oh, sorry, OK, sorry. Because I was like God dog, go,
12:48
let me get sorry, sorry. I'll shut up, OK, Get there.
12:52
They're taking they're taking steroids and testosterone,
12:57
they're doing hours worth of makeup, they're smashing their
13:00
jaw lines. They're like basically massaging
13:03
their lymphatic system to get to reduce bloating.
13:05
But seriously though, yes, do that.
13:07
They're doing all of these crazy things to try and look like the
13:12
perfect male specimen. Yeah, I don't even know what you
13:16
want to call it because it's problematic.
13:18
Because just like women's like health and beauty standards and
13:21
stuff, it ebbs and flows. So now you're stuck with this
13:24
chiseled jawline when maybe in like 3 years it's not going to
13:26
be like that anymore. But as my mother so mentioned,
13:31
there's this guy who made it his whole career.
13:33
His name is, let me try to pronounce it Clavicular.
13:37
Sure, there's going to be a cop of me mispronouncing names like
13:39
crazy on his show, but he is 20 years old.
13:42
This is the guy right here and. Apparently he took crystal meth
13:47
to try to stay lean. I mean there are different ways
13:50
bro. There are meth.
13:52
There are more ways. I promise you.
13:54
There's more ways. Meth.
13:55
Meth. You took meth because you wanted
13:57
to take meth. Thank you.
14:00
You didn't do it to slim down. You tried it and you were like,
14:02
oh wait, I lost the weight. I lost the weight.
14:05
I wonder why? Let me look smacks this and let
14:08
me go back. Dumbest freaking.
14:11
Looks Max Max, but you have like looks Max.
14:13
You have like shopping Max. You have like, I don't know,
14:16
like spending Max, like there's whatever maxing is like
14:21
maximizing your potential for whatever that thing is.
14:25
Got it. OK, so they are maximizing
14:28
their. Looks, yes, I still hate.
14:30
I still think it's stupid, yeah, but.
14:33
All jokes aside, this is extremely dangerous and healthy.
14:37
We as women know. Again, welcome to the club but
14:41
we don't want you here. This is not a good club to be
14:43
in. Well, they called US women, the
14:46
Canaries in the coal mine, because like you said, we have
14:49
been judged by our beauty or lack thereof for generations.
14:54
And so we have been, you know, with the Internet, everything
14:57
got worse and we're doing all these horrible things, starving
14:59
ourselves. And I mean, just name it, every
15:01
woman has done something that's a little bit dangerous to
15:04
themselves just to enhance their their beauty.
15:07
And now, you know, men, for whatever reason, they feel that
15:11
pressure as well. I mean, you see men getting
15:14
taller, getting those those surgeries to extend their legs.
15:18
Yeah, but not their arms. Like stop not.
15:22
Even. Oh my God, that's such a good
15:23
point. The little Tyrannosaurus Rex is
15:25
running around here with long ass legs, but I mean moving on.
15:29
That's such a good point I've never even thought about.
15:32
Got it. Why not do the arms too?
15:35
That's a great. Point, but just with hair plugs
15:38
and, you know, all the things. And I started seeing a lot more
15:40
men getting plastic surgery in the past, I don't know, a decade
15:43
or so. Yeah.
15:44
And so this is fascinating to me that they're into skin care.
15:47
They are, but they're doing it to other men.
15:51
They're saying, hey, men, this is what we need to do, just like
15:55
women are doing. I am fascinated by this.
15:58
How they're following the same steps that we did.
16:02
It's insane this somebody else was quoted in the article.
16:05
They were talking about how this objectification has made it to
16:08
men and boys being convinced by outside sources that you're not
16:11
good enough. Yeah.
16:12
And I think just in summary, not a single person is exempt from
16:17
the pressors of social media. I think that is the main thing
16:21
here. People were like, oh, it doesn't
16:23
affect me in this way, that way. It's like now it does, just in
16:26
different ways. And we're seeing it.
16:27
It's like, Nah man, you're not exempt from that either because
16:31
you wanting to to ABC to your body has nothing to do with what
16:35
you actually want. It has everything to do with
16:37
what you saw on TikTok and what someone told you that you should
16:41
do to get XYZ. And it's just problematic in
16:45
itself. And I don't like that we're all
16:47
here now. Like why are we all?
16:49
Doing this hey equality, right? This is not what I was talking
16:54
about. Oh, I swear, this is not what I
16:56
was talking about. So it's just, yeah, it mental
16:59
health and you know, you're self esteem and everything, it's all
17:04
just being damaged. Everyone is being damaged by
17:06
social media. Yeah, and this unrealistic
17:10
expectations as to what the perfect thing is exactly.
17:13
And oh, you're not that. So you don't have that jawline.
17:15
So you're not perfect. Yeah.
17:16
And if I get that thing, then I'll get the, like you said, the
17:19
XYZ the the main prize. Yeah, and.
17:23
No babe, no, don't do this to yourself, y'all.
17:26
It's OK, but it looks like we're already like head first.
17:29
Oh yeah, we're in it. So looks maxing.
17:31
Oh my God. So thank you.
17:34
Wow man, I know so now. This seems a little related, but
17:41
have you ever dated a mama's boy?
17:44
We want to hear your horror stories, please.
17:47
Yes. Put them all in the comments, we
17:48
have some for you. We do, if you don't mind going
17:51
to my screen. We have some horror stories
17:55
about mama's boys that came through BuzzFeed that we just
17:58
wanted to go through some of our favorites.
18:00
Let's do it. All right?
18:01
So I went to his parents house for dinner once he started
18:04
treating me like I was his little sister, roughhousing with
18:06
me and making fun of me. I asked afterward what the fuck
18:09
that was about and he said he didn't want his mom to think I
18:12
was serious because she would get mad.
18:15
Are you? Kidding me, we were 26.
18:17
Are you kidding me? We're still we're why are you
18:22
faking it? Like really?
18:24
So oh, I'm just playing and she's rough.
18:25
She's just my friend. Because your mom is there.
18:28
Your mom would. Does your mom want to date you?
18:31
That's my thing. Like.
18:32
It. Always.
18:33
Why isn't that? You know what I mean?
18:36
All right, so this woman, she had a heart attack on Friday
18:39
before Mother's Day, and her man still left her to go hang out
18:43
with Mom didn't, wasn't there to make sure she was OK, that she
18:47
had this help that she needed, even though they already had a
18:51
Mother's Day event planned for that Sunday.
18:53
So for two more days, just wait two days and be here with me
18:56
while I'm having a heart attack. Even a heart attack can't make
18:59
you stay. And she said, you know, it's bad
19:02
when the nurses hand you slips of paper with the contact
19:04
information of divorce attorneys before you discharge.
19:07
They're like. Honey, wait.
19:09
Move on, Nina. She said yes.
19:12
I left him thankfully. Oh my goodness.
19:16
My ex-boyfriend had to hold my hand and his mom's hand an equal
19:20
amount of time anywhere we went somewhere.
19:23
You're kidding. He would hold my hand and then
19:25
halfway through whatever we were doing, he would go hold his
19:27
mom's hand for the rest of the time.
19:29
You don't want her to feel left out.
19:30
You're kidding. That is so bad.
19:34
It's terrible. That's so bad.
19:36
Why are you holding your mom's hand?
19:38
Why OK is she on the dates? Why do you need to?
19:42
Why? Why?
19:42
Is she there? Yeah.
19:43
Why do you need to switch? Question.
19:47
Why no thank you. His mom told me that he cheated
19:51
on me, so clearly I must be a bad wife because his cheating
19:55
could never be his own fault. Really, really.
20:00
If we can go there, I can go lower.
20:02
Or you just raised a terrible slut.
20:04
How about that? That's not an.
20:07
Issue. I love how that was never
20:08
crossed our mind. You know what have?
20:10
He's all yours. Yeah, you can have him by I'll
20:14
when I cooked, he would say that's not how my mom does it.
20:20
You're right, it's not. Oh my God I would be so pressed
20:23
if someone said that. Listen to you know where your
20:28
mom lives? Go over there because it's so
20:32
much better than I do. Gone over there.
20:34
Bye. What?
20:36
I know that's. Not how my mom does it.
20:39
Oh God I dated his mom. My momma's boy.
20:41
I was up for a promotion at my job and he somehow made it about
20:44
himself and finally said my mom wouldn't like you, you're too
20:48
independent. I had to ask him to clarify
20:50
because this was over a job promotion I worked my butt off
20:53
for and he said she would want you to not care about a job
20:56
promotion and want you to be more domestic for me.
21:00
Excuse you. Yeah, she said full and left.
21:03
You don't have enough strength to say that I.
21:06
Want you to be more domestic. You're like, I mean, use my mom.
21:09
She wouldn't want you to be domestic for me.
21:11
Oh, you coward. Oh my goodness.
21:13
Say what you say, I want you to be home.
21:17
But why though? We keep going around and round
21:20
and round with these situations where men want their women to be
21:23
home, But but you'd aren't giving her the life.
21:28
I mean, you keep talking about I want a trophy wife and I need
21:32
this and I need that. Traditional values.
21:34
Then let's go, man. Bring home this money so she can
21:36
stay home. Where's the money on her?
21:41
I don't need to be all like, I'm just about the objects and
21:44
everything. But you're making it about the
21:45
objects, right? If we're playing by your rules,
21:47
where's the money? Trying to make her leave her
21:49
dream job. My no, I want you to be more
21:53
domesticated. That's the last one.
21:55
Thank you. I know they lying.
21:57
There's too many good men out there.
21:58
I know it for them to for them to be dealing with men like
22:01
that. Oh, no, no, there's plenty.
22:03
Go on out there. Let's move on.
22:05
Goodbye. Again, put your stories in the
22:09
comments please. Love reading y'all's tea, it's
22:11
amazing. Thank you.
22:13
I know you've had a mama's boy or two.
22:15
OK, all right, I have a Reddit off my chest.
22:19
Just a warning, this one is really long.
22:22
Bear with me because I feel like the discussion at the end will
22:24
be decent. OK, great.
22:25
OK it says write it off my chest.
22:28
I'm thinking of divorcing my wife for how she treats our twin
22:31
daughters. I'm 30 for a male and my wife is
22:34
35 and my daughters are 9 year old twins.
22:38
Twins kind of run in my wife's family even though herself she
22:41
is not one. From what I know she was very
22:44
jealous of her cousins that are twins when she was growing up so
22:47
she's been very intense about it ever since she got pregnant.
22:50
When going to her eight week appointment, she kept talking
22:53
about she was hoping the baby was 2 babies.
22:55
I thought it was funny but not weird.
22:57
When we found out that they were indeed twins, my wife was so
23:00
happy and excited. And of course I was happy to be
23:03
having kids too. The problem started with the
23:06
baby planning. When decorating the two
23:08
nurseries, she decided that they should instead be the same room.
23:12
This makes sense for newborns for convenience, but she always
23:16
said she wanted them to share rooms forever.
23:19
Oh. This seemed very silly to me
23:21
since we have a six bedroom house, 6 bedrooms.
23:25
And we making them share a room. Share A room.
23:29
She threw us a gender reveal and got her family to organize a
23:32
baby shower. Both parties were themed around
23:35
the fact that the girls were twins, gifts were required to be
23:38
matching, and all of the games and activities were about things
23:41
and sets of two. This is around when my family
23:44
started thinking she was being weird but I disagreed with them.
23:48
We had a bit of an argument about the baby shower because
23:50
she wanted to give the girls but to me we're overly matching
23:53
names. Her favorites were Ava and Ava
23:56
EVAAVA. What?
23:59
You're joking. You're joking.
24:02
Ava and Eva. Oh that's way too confusing.
24:04
Stop it. In the end we ended up with
24:07
matching but not overly obvious names.
24:10
OK, When my girls were born my wife would dress them up in the
24:13
same thing everyday no matter what.
24:16
When one of the girls dirtied her clothes she changed them
24:19
both even if it meant waking one of them up.
24:22
She would get mad at them if I dressed them differently.
24:25
She'd get upset if I if they didn't want to be fed at the
24:28
same time. This is when I started noticing
24:30
how weird she was acting about the twin thing.
24:32
So from this moment for when he said he's using fake names for
24:35
his kids. When they started going to
24:37
kindergarten she brought them all matching coats, new shoes,
24:40
backpacks, and lunch boxes. But she would also get upset if
24:44
any of them got swapped. One time she complained to the
24:47
teacher about sending Anna in Betty's coat the previous day.
24:51
Anna has always been the. Quieter all the things to talk
24:53
to your teacher about. That's what you're going to
24:55
complain the wrong coat. Bye.
24:58
Anna has always been the quieter more.
25:00
Calm of the two. Now that they're older, she
25:02
likes to stay home and read. She watches TV with her mom.
25:06
Betty, on the other hand, is a lot more energetic.
25:08
She likes to play outside and build things.
25:10
She likes to play video games with me or go stay with her
25:13
aunt, my sister who is a hiker and a mountain biker.
25:16
She loves sports, class and tennis, and last year she
25:19
started doing swim too. This is the origin of all of our
25:22
problems. My wife doesn't like that Betty
25:24
is not as feminine and calm as her and Anna.
25:28
When Betty started wanting to get her hair done every morning
25:31
they had such a massive fight that the house was tense for a
25:34
week. My wife likes to send the girls
25:36
to school in the same or matching hairstyles and would
25:39
get upset when Betty would return home with her hair in a
25:41
ponytail or most up from sports. They go to private school and
25:46
Betty recently asked me if she could start wearing the boys
25:48
uniform which is pants instead of a skirt.
25:51
I said I could buy them for her if that made her more
25:53
comfortable. When I brought this up to my
25:55
wife she got extremely mad and then went to stay with her
25:58
sister for a week. Even though she returned the
26:00
next day, she never apologized but took back her threat of
26:03
getting rid of the pants. I've been very upset about this
26:07
since it happened and I've been trying to take more time on my
26:09
day to talk to Betty and make sure that she doesn't feel upset
26:12
with her mom. Our biggest fight was tonight
26:15
and that's why I'm sleeping in our guest room.
26:18
While I was finishing dinner and the girls were setting up the
26:20
table, my wife stood at the door of the kitchen and told us all
26:23
that Betty would not be allowed to swim anymore.
26:27
I got upset because she said this without talking to me first
26:30
and Betty was upset because all of her friends are in swim.
26:33
For context here, you have to know that we are immigrant
26:36
families and that our home, our country, and our elders are, to
26:40
be completely honest, really racist and colorist.
26:44
My wife proceeded to explain that Betty swimming makes her
26:47
spend too much time outside, that she had gotten too much of
26:50
A tan and didn't match her sister anymore.
26:52
What, And that her family back home would make fun of her about
26:56
it if we went to visit this summer.
26:58
Oh my goodness. I got extremely upset at my wife
27:00
and told her that she can't tell her girls things like that and
27:03
that is extremely hurtful and irresponsible.
27:06
Anna went inside a table and Betty locked herself in the
27:09
bathroom. The argument kept going and I
27:11
brought up how ridiculous she was about being matching and
27:14
that it's dumb for the girls to still share a bedroom when we
27:17
have perfectly unusable opened one and that what she said was
27:20
very and obviously racist. She said she wasn't but I
27:24
decided that this was not worth it and went to try to come for
27:27
Betty. Ended up having a long
27:29
conversation with both girls where they agreed they wanted to
27:32
separate rooms and apologize for arguing in front of them.
27:35
Anna has also told me she hates wearing matching hairstyles
27:38
because their mom is aggressive with the brush.
27:41
Right. I apologize to her too.
27:43
After cleaning up the kitchen I realized my wife locked me out
27:45
of our bedroom and she won't even acknowledge me when I
27:48
knock. I'm extremely frustrated and I
27:50
feel like I failed as a parent. There are 9 and I should have
27:53
noticed sooner. I'm seriously considering
27:55
divorce but I'm worried about how the girls would get treated
27:58
if we end up with 5050 custody. Oh my goodness, that's the
28:01
story. There's a lot there.
28:05
There's a lot to unpack here. OK, so she has this, this really
28:09
overly aggressive thing about twins.
28:12
Like they have to be the exact same.
28:14
Even at 9. I grew up with a set of twins
28:17
and by 5 they were screaming for their own individuality.
28:21
They didn't even want to be called the girls or the twins,
28:23
like call me by my name. They liked different colors and
28:27
different styles like these girls.
28:29
And this is so selfish of her because everything she's doing
28:34
is just for her own. I don't even know what it is.
28:38
Because she didn't have a twin. And so now she's using these
28:41
girls as if like trying to make up for her childhood that she
28:45
didn't have with a twin that she never got.
28:47
I don't know. But I OK me personally, I want
28:51
to focus on the pack, on the fact that she doesn't like Betty
28:55
swimming because swimming makes her Tanner than her sister and
29:00
she doesn't want her to be Tanner.
29:03
That was one of the most problematic things of this
29:05
story, in my opinion. Because what?
29:08
So she didn't want her to do athletic things, period.
29:13
Let's start with that. But so she but she forced her to
29:15
stop swimming because she's getting more brown and that's a
29:19
problem. And she's saying it's a problem
29:20
for the family, which is a push off.
29:23
You have a problem with this because they don't match
29:26
anymore. That is so gross, isn't it?
29:32
It is. And they are putting so not
29:34
there. She is putting so much trauma on
29:36
these girls. I mean both of them.
29:38
Because maybe Anna doesn't even want to be quote UN quote girly,
29:42
but she just doesn't want to fight back.
29:44
Or maybe she just doesn't want to do it the way mom does it.
29:47
I mean, there's she's still doing their hair at 9 the same
29:49
way yeah, mom has some colorism issues.
29:55
She's got some issues with this twin thing and she's putting all
29:59
her baggage on her kids and she was ready to leave just for dad
30:04
siding with the kids like for one second like spending his
30:08
children which. If you somehow come across this
30:11
post, I want you to know that you are not a bad parent.
30:13
Oh no, no, you're a good parent. Very good parent because you're
30:16
always defending your children and it's not the fact that
30:19
you're like, I haven't noticed until they were 9 or whatever.
30:22
Like it, it's fine. It's your wife's baggage that's
30:26
the problem and you're doing your the best that you can.
30:29
I mean. It's hardly and even what he
30:31
said. If he leaves, he's leaving them
30:33
100% of the time when they're with her with no intervention
30:37
whatsoever. And Betty is going to have it
30:40
when she's over there with mom. Oh my goodness, both of them.
30:42
Like she can't dress like like she wants to dress.
30:45
She can't. I mean, their hair.
30:47
My mind is just kind of blown with this one because I've
30:50
never, I haven't seen this before where someone is so
30:53
obsessed with the twin thing that late in age.
30:56
I get it when they're young, of course we got a little carbon
30:59
copies of each other. I'm going to dress them the same
31:01
and do all that. But I mean, before the babies
31:04
even got here. Don't give us no gifts that
31:05
aren't the same. They're going to sleep in the
31:07
same room forever. Forever.
31:10
What do you mean forever? And the fact that once they
31:13
asked the kids if they want to go into different rooms, it was,
31:16
yes, it was immediate. Yes, they want to be able to
31:18
decorate how they want to decorate.
31:20
These are two different girls. They are not the same person.
31:24
Thank you. Let them be who they are.
31:26
It's not fair. It's not fair to them at all.
31:29
So I afterwards, I think he mentioned how he was going to
31:32
start moving furniture afterwards to like move them
31:35
into their own rooms, in six bedrooms by the way, I mean.
31:38
And they attended private school.
31:39
Yes. But it just.
31:42
Yeah, it's not fair to the girls.
31:44
This needs to have a conversation with the mom.
31:47
Stop pushing whatever you've got going on on these girls.
31:50
It's not fair. You're damaging them.
31:52
Yeah. And.
31:53
Apologize to Betty. What are you talking about?
31:55
I know. Jeez, this poor girl.
31:58
Betty, you are perfect. Yes.
32:01
Yeah, I don't like that whole thing about pining two siblings
32:05
together. This whole.
32:07
Yeah, no. She's like me, she's a girl and
32:10
you're this and you're doing. I don't like any of that.
32:12
You better love those. Children equally no she only if
32:16
Betty is like she wants her to be yeah there are stipulations
32:20
on her love yeah hate it well this one is kind of similar we
32:24
keep. We logging in.
32:26
We were we logging in. All right, am I overreacting for
32:30
telling my fiance I'm reconsidering having kids with
32:33
him because there is a chance they could have darker skin?
32:37
You're kidding. You're kidding.
32:41
My fiance, 23 male and I-23 female.
32:45
We're on the topic of having kids, which we later down the
32:47
line very much planned to have. He is mixed with Hispanic and
32:51
relatively pale but could tan very well if you really tried.
32:55
Me on the other hand, I'm mixed with black so I have a nice
32:58
caramel tone to my skin which I love.
33:00
I'm very much his type in many aspects of looks down to the
33:04
personality, common interest, etcetera.
33:06
While on the topic of having children, I expressed that I
33:09
loved curly hair which we both have 3B curls and I always
33:14
wanted my children to have curly hair as well.
33:16
He mentioned he could care less but hopes our kids have his eyes
33:19
which are green Hazel color and they are beautiful.
33:23
I was explaining that I would be interested to see how our kids
33:26
turn out since recessive inheritance is a thing and my
33:29
mother is fully African American with beautiful dark glowing
33:33
skin. It's totally possible for our
33:35
kids to have kinky curly hair or blonde hair and blue eyes from
33:38
my dad. They could be anything.
33:40
Then he expressed that he would feel weird walking around with a
33:43
dark child. Don't start with me right now.
33:51
So she says if the child got my mom's recessive gene of dark
33:54
skin. So I did keep that in because
33:56
with dark skin is not recessive. It's dominant.
33:58
It's dominant, but cool. Yeah.
33:59
I just wanted to say that I was really shocked he said that and
34:03
mentioned we literally live in the 21st century where there are
34:06
lots of parents walking around with kids having completely
34:08
different skin tones, hair color and texture from their own
34:11
parents. Then I told him that makes me
34:13
feel uncomfortable. If our child potentially came
34:16
out darker. Why are you worried about what
34:18
other people think? Now I'm asking myself and him if
34:22
I should reconsider having kids knowing this is a red flag for
34:25
me and could likely end our engagement.
34:27
Am I overreacting? OK, just to clarify, he's.
34:32
The one who has an issue with the fact that they.
34:34
They might have different, they might have darker skin than him
34:38
'cause he's the pale one, she's the brown one.
34:41
And she's thinking that the dark skin of her family could come in
34:45
with her children 'cause they're mixed.
34:48
And he says he'd have a problem walking around, like, maybe
34:51
people thinking that's not his kid or it could just be flat out
34:54
racism. Yeah.
34:56
She did not say how he reacted to her having a problem with it.
35:01
I even went through the comments section to see, like, what is he
35:05
saying? Like, is he like, yeah, you're
35:06
right. Or if he's just like, no, I feel
35:08
how I feel. But he does have a problem with
35:13
his child coming out more brown than he is.
35:16
Why? Why?
35:19
Why do you have a problem? If you had a problem then I'm
35:23
sorry. Then date somebody that maybe
35:26
didn't have that complexion. Right, she's mixed with black.
35:29
I don't understand. If it was such a big problem or
35:31
whatever, and if it has anything to do with like, maybe people
35:34
won't think that's my child, that's a them.
35:36
Problem. Oh my goodness, that is a them
35:38
problem. Like who cares?
35:40
This is my baby, I love them and also features.
35:45
I don't care about skin features come out because it's taken from
35:49
both parents. That's how it works.
35:50
Also we need to return the science class biology because
35:53
there was so many things wrong. Yes, there was a lot.
35:56
I was just like, maybe I should take this out.
35:58
And I said no, I'm going to take this chance to say that dark
36:02
skin is not a recessive trait. Whatever.
36:05
Fine, it's fine, it's fine. But also, they're so focused on
36:09
color here, like caramel skin and light eyes and all of these
36:16
things, that it's just, it's like, how about a healthy child?
36:21
Yeah. And I love this guy because he
36:23
treats me right. I heard nothing about that.
36:25
None of that. All I heard was this is the way
36:27
he looks. The visuals, yes, exactly.
36:30
It's like you can't manufacture your family to look exactly the
36:34
way you want them to. I mean, you can't.
36:36
I mean, eugenics up in here. But no, we're not going to do
36:39
that. But no, like you can't do that
36:44
and that's unhealthy. And if most likely this baby is
36:47
not going to come out the way you exactly want it to, because
36:50
that's just not how it works, are you going to love your baby
36:53
anymore any less because of it? Exactly, if so do not have
36:57
children. We just read a story about this
36:59
woman be like forcing these kids into things.
37:02
I mean I grew up with a lot of mixed children as well.
37:06
I mean it was like a designer babies coming up in the 80s and
37:08
90s. But I had a friend who told me
37:11
that her mother used to pinch her nose when she was smaller,
37:15
so her nose didn't match her black fathers.
37:19
Are you kidding? Yes.
37:20
And so there is some latent thing.
37:23
Just because you breed with somebody does not mean that you
37:26
don't have problems with that person's identity and their
37:30
background. And so now you are bringing a
37:33
child into this world who looks like their dad and you know what
37:38
I'm saying, or looks like their mom or looks like their family.
37:41
And you immediately put your baggage on that poor little
37:45
child who's just looking to you for.
37:48
Love oh, I don't like this I don't like this I don't like how
37:53
people are automatically treated differently because of the color
37:57
there's going to hate how it there's colorism within
38:00
communities and then racism between those different
38:04
communities and. It's like Jesus, seriously, like
38:08
we not. All have organs in the same
38:11
area, bones in the same area use the same percentage of our
38:14
brains. Like, I don't understand, you
38:18
know what I mean? Like this is all stupid.
38:20
It is. And it's stupid within people
38:21
that you don't know, it should have no weight whatsoever.
38:26
Within your own family, it. Should whatsoever it shouldn't.
38:30
That's all you're doing is damaging people, you know, and
38:33
that's not fair to anybody. You know, it's not oh God, so
38:37
you are not overreacting. But I also feel like you need to
38:40
maybe do some internal, you know, you know, just checking,
38:44
just checking there. Just check Megan.
38:46
You know, just a little, a nice little refresh.
38:49
Because in the grand scheme of everything, if your baby comes
38:52
out healthy, none of this matters.
38:53
Nope, not at all. Thank you.
38:57
Thank you for coming to our Ted Talk.
38:58
Yes, my goodness. All right.
39:01
So on a more again, heavier note, I'd like to talk about
39:08
Gen. Z and substance use.
39:11
So there was an article that came out that had people or Gen.
39:15
Z Ers take 1000 Gen. Z Ers take a survey and 35% of
39:19
those takers said that they use substances like weed, alcohol,
39:23
or prescription meds before starting work.
39:26
And there's other percentages here, 56% said that they take
39:29
them after work to recover from work, 32% that they take them
39:34
during the work day, 9% said that they've snuck them into
39:38
meetings and work calls. And then our cute little
39:41
percentage of 5% said they've never used it, never.
39:44
Just 5%. That's insane.
39:48
And compared to baby boomers, Gen.
39:52
Z workers were said to have three times more likely to
39:56
report coming into work inebriated.
39:58
So. Just they need something to get
40:01
started to even get to the day. Get through the day and the day
40:06
they need these substances. And there was a quote in the
40:10
article, and I want to read it because I thought it was like,
40:12
yeah, yeah. So it's a quote.
40:14
It's not that Gen. Z can't cope with stress, but
40:16
they're dealing with the version of life that feels like it's
40:19
always on and it's hard to take a step back.
40:22
So we have, again, social media. We have everything that's going
40:28
on right now at all times, and it feels like there's no escape.
40:33
We have your economic imbalance and then your parents, if
40:38
anything's going on there, the world, and then just, I don't
40:42
know, teenage and young adult things that we all go through,
40:45
all piling on and there's no escape ever.
40:48
No, I mean, you have to turn off your phone, but who?
40:50
Who turns off their phone? Who?
40:51
Turns off their phone. Nobody does that exactly.
40:53
You don't even walk away from your phone.
40:55
And so it's constant this, this, this, and you wake up and you're
41:00
sad or you're angry or you're frustrated and you hate your job
41:03
and it and then also, which you hear all the time, you know,
41:08
Boomers and some Gen. Xers were able to sustain a
41:12
family sometimes 2 off of 1 paycheck, maybe 2 paychecks and
41:20
they were, they went on vacations.
41:22
You know, you drive to Florida every year or whatever.
41:25
And this generation cannot do any of that.
41:28
There's no, you know, like light at the end of the tunnel.
41:31
You hate your job, but at least you can afford a house.
41:34
You don't have that. You cannot.
41:37
You're like, what am I living for at this point?
41:39
And so and able to just enjoy their existence or at least be
41:43
numb to the feelings that they're feeling in this
41:45
existence. They're taking these substances,
41:47
yes, and the world is doing a terrible job at giving Jen Ziers
41:53
a reason to not take the substances.
41:55
It is getting bad like. It's like, stop ruining the
41:59
world, OK? Let's just.
42:00
Oh my God. Oh my God, Like we can't even
42:04
enjoy like the Grammys or the Super Bowl or anything that we
42:10
use to escape sports media, anything like that.
42:14
It's all just being filtered with like good point, politics
42:17
and there's no escape anymore, you know what I mean?
42:19
So of course you're going to turn to these substances and I
42:23
don't know, it's just it's a little problematic.
42:26
And me as a Gen. deer, it's like Dang that sucks.
42:29
What do I have? Where's our light?
42:30
Y'all, yeah, yeah. Without getting too heavy and
42:33
all that, just where's the light?
42:35
You can't be surprised about these numbers coming in with
42:39
these surveys, right? And this is the reality.
42:42
Yeah. And in that article.
42:43
They did say, you know, they talked to the other gens, too,
42:46
so millennials and Gen. X and Boomers.
42:49
And in some areas, those other generations were higher than
42:54
Gen. Z.
42:54
But I think the thing that's most concerning is how young
42:58
y'all are and the fact that y'all are already turning to
43:01
substances. Like, you know, you're having a
43:04
glass of something when you get home from work when that used to
43:07
be like, hey, your dad did that, you know, but y'all are like 21
43:11
and you're having a drink. Yeah.
43:13
And it's like the the world seems heavy and pressing down on
43:16
you so young and so early. And I think that's the that's
43:20
the concerning thing. Yeah.
43:21
You know. Yeah, I know.
43:24
Y'all Save the Children? Yes.
43:28
Where are worldwide songs like that?
43:30
I know it's. Like we all love the world, we
43:34
need those. All right?
43:36
Our last subject we are discussing today is Love on the
43:40
Spectrum Season 4. Woo I hope y'all are watching.
43:44
Are you watching? Please be watching.
43:46
Oh my God. And if you are, who is your
43:48
favorite person on the show? Because if you would go to our
43:51
screen, my, our favorite is Logan.
43:55
Logan. We love ourselves some Logan.
43:58
God. I wrote down some stats about
44:00
Logan that he shared with us. So he lives in Vegas.
44:03
He describes himself as very patient, not lazy, and always
44:06
punctual. Period.
44:08
He is so adorable. He's a twin, to go with our
44:12
theme. He has a sister, she's super
44:14
supportive. He lives at home with his sister
44:16
and his mom, and he loves Hannah Montana slash Miley Cyrus, like
44:21
obsessed loves them. I mean, and he has an imaginary
44:28
girlfriend named Tifa. I forgot about that.
44:30
Yes, Tifa. Tifa.
44:34
He has no plans on breaking up with Tifa, even though he's
44:37
going out on dates. But he met somebody who I think
44:41
might make him think about it. Yeah.
44:44
He went on a first date and her name was Haley, Haley Haley.
44:48
And they seemed to vibe after we got through the 1st, the
44:51
beginning, the little discomfort.
44:54
Yeah. But if you haven't watched Love
44:56
on the Spectrum, it's really sweet.
44:57
All these people are on the spectrum.
44:59
They're on the autism spectrum and they are looking for love
45:01
and there's just so much joy and heart and love and innocence in
45:08
this show that I just when we sit and watch it, it's just
45:12
smiles in tears. I'm always a little, you know,
45:16
like mom stuff on me. I'm like, it's so sweet and so
45:20
beautiful. But we would love to talk to you
45:22
about we were only a couple episodes and so don't spoil us.
45:25
I want to know where these relationships are going.
45:27
But if you watch the show, let us know in the comments.
45:29
Yes, please. Thank you.
45:32
TLC coming out, I know with bangers out there, bangers.
45:34
We can just stay on TLC and what's the other one?
45:37
A&E. A&E and E has got some stuff.
45:40
What y'all know about A&E? Nothing.
45:42
I have my final Reddit. It's a Reddit relationship
45:46
advice. Am I being ridiculous or is he?
45:50
I female 43 and my husband 45 are having a heated discussion
45:56
and he told me to post it on Reddit to see who's being
45:58
ridiculous. So lock in people, lock in
46:03
weirdos. They're asking us do you have an
46:05
opinion? OK quick back story we're going
46:09
to my parents tonight at 4 for dinner.
46:11
He asked me earlier today what time we were going and I replied
46:15
4 PMA. Little while later he saw some
46:17
sausages in the fridge and asked when are we going to eat them.
46:21
I told him we were taking them to my parents tonight.
46:24
He said OK so which is it? Are we going at 4:00 PM or are
46:28
we going tonight? I replied that he knew what I
46:33
meant and that it's close enough and he understood.
46:36
You replied saying no, I don't understand what you mean.
46:39
You need to be more clear. 4:00 PM is different than tonight.
46:43
Tonight would mean it's dark out.
46:45
Oh, I'm a I'm a fight you. I don't like you at all.
46:50
You're rage baiting me so hard right now.
46:54
He was laughing and smiling the whole time, which to me shows
46:57
that he totally understands my context and he could have just
47:00
been fine with the answer instead of arguing semantics.
47:04
It's very frustrating and he does this kind of thing often
47:07
where I'll say something that might be slightly ambiguous and
47:11
he knows what I mean. He just is giving me a hard
47:13
time. At least this is my feeling on
47:15
it. It went back and forth enough to
47:18
the point that he told me I needed to ask Reddit if I'm
47:21
being ridiculous or if he is. If someone told you that you
47:25
were going somewhere at 4:00 PM and then reference the same
47:28
event and called it tonight, would you not know what they're
47:32
talking about or would you? Or would you know that they
47:38
meant the same event? I told him it feels like he's
47:41
gaslighting me and then he rolled his eyes.
47:44
He then told me to ask Reddit because he thinks that I'm going
47:46
to get raped over the coals. He is not going to like my
47:48
answer. Oh my God.
47:49
He is not going to like me. No, you are being.
47:52
Oh, sorry. I was all ready.
47:53
I'm ready. Hold it.
47:55
I am ready. Hold.
47:58
It I got you a paragraph, I was like.
48:04
There's the question. Here's my answer.
48:09
OK, I'm ready. OK.
48:12
I know this sounds pretty petty and ridiculous, but these kind
48:15
of conversations where he says he doesn't understand what I'm
48:18
talking about when it's pretty darn clear what I meant happen
48:21
really often and they're very frustrating.
48:24
So before you start, a top comment said, does your husband
48:28
make his boss draw in the picture when they assign him
48:30
work? Or does he reserve this
48:32
particular kind of stupid for his wife that?
48:34
Part great way to say it, honestly.
48:37
Yes, because what? Because now you're picking at
48:42
me. You know what I mean?
48:43
There's a scab there and you know, and you did the scar and
48:46
now you just pick, pick, pick, pick, pick because 4:00 PM it's
48:50
afternoon. It's close enough to the
48:53
evening. You know what I mean?
48:55
Thank you. And you're first of all, don't
48:57
ask me twice what time we're going to dinner.
48:59
I already told you. OK, It's to answer again, again
49:06
without irritation. Thank you.
49:07
And then you looked in there and said, what's this for When we're
49:10
going to eat this? We're taking it to your moms.
49:12
Shut up, stop asking me every question like she said.
49:18
Do I have to draw you a picture? I do not want any more children.
49:23
I don't like that because even if it was a kid, they would
49:26
remember that we're going someplace tonight.
49:28
Yes, at 4:00 PM tonight. Connect the dots.
49:32
I swear to God you want me to use the same verb and wordage
49:35
every time I speak to. You every single time or else
49:38
you can't connect the dots. I know you're not that dumb.
49:40
These men constantly in these Reddits, OK, they go to work and
49:44
they are perfect employees. They understand, they have
49:47
discernment, they can read, they can do things, they can follow
49:52
directions and then come home and just turn that off.
49:54
There's a battery on that, clearly.
49:55
Oh my goodness. And they need to charge it at
49:57
home, so I. Swear to God if I say 4.
50:01
PM and then I say tonight later on, remember that I said 4:00
50:06
PM. Remember that is afternoon.
50:09
It doesn't matter. We're going at 4:00 PM until I
50:14
tell you that the time has changed.
50:16
Yes, assume. Thank.
50:18
You it is the same. I swear to God he said no
50:21
because tonight would mean it's dark out.
50:23
You're lying. What?
50:25
Also no, because what time of the year are we talking?
50:27
About SO. I'm exhausted.
50:31
Oh, yeah. Oh, man, you saw me.
50:34
I was ready. I was like, Oh no, I have enough
50:36
information. I can answer now.
50:39
I have the answer. I swear I would be so pressed,
50:44
so pressed because that's my number one thing.
50:46
If I told you don't be dumb with me, Yes.
50:48
If I'm giving you everything you need.
50:51
All you have to do is be ready because clearly she does
50:53
everything. Oh my God.
50:55
Grab the sausages, be by the door at with your shoes on.
50:58
With your shoes on at 355 BM jacket in the hand so we can go.
51:09
In the fridge. Do you need me to answer that?
51:11
Question again, too, he said. Where's the sausages at?
51:14
I'm going to explode, all right? My head, the top of my head is
51:17
going to come off, I swear to God.
51:21
OK OK, I'm ready, I can move on now.
51:28
Am I overreacting for resenting my parents for me being an iPad
51:31
kid growing up? I'm 19, so I would consider
51:36
myself one of the earlier iPad kids, and now that people are
51:40
talking about the damage these iPads are doing, I've started
51:43
quietly resenting my parents over it.
51:46
As far back as my memory goes, there's been an iPad in my hand.
51:49
Some nights I went to sleep at 2:00 AM on a school night
51:52
hugging the damn thing because I was so attached.
51:55
It went everywhere. The bathroom, weddings, in the
51:58
car, I was glued to it. I didn't even have to ask for
52:02
it. I'd be eating and they'd be
52:03
like, well, here's your iPad. I would get really confused
52:06
anytime I didn't have my iPad when I ate because they set the
52:09
system up right. I was also a weird kid.
52:13
I couldn't hold conversations well, didn't have good social
52:16
skills, and to be honest, I still don't.
52:19
I basically had unlimited Internet access all my life and
52:22
was on stuff like Omegle before I could divide a fraction.
52:25
Pause. Omegle that.
52:28
Whoa, I know, I know, really. So you can imagine the effects
52:34
this had on me. Honestly, I do resent them.
52:37
I wonder if my autism is even real.
52:40
Maybe I'm just an iPad kid who wasn't spoken to.
52:44
I'm from England but I had a slight American accent as a kid
52:47
because apart from school I wasn't really spoken to unless I
52:49
was being told to do something, so I learned a lot online.
52:53
That sounds crazy. So with teachers talking about
52:57
how iPad kids can't do anything, it makes me wonder if I'm the
53:00
way I am because my meaningful conversations growing up were
53:03
held on Kik of all places. I wasn't allowed to play outside
53:07
and my mom and dad really weren't the type to play with
53:09
their kids. It's eating away at me inside,
53:12
knowing maybe I could have been normal if it weren't for the
53:14
damn iPad. So he has a little edit on here.
53:18
I seem to be unintentionally leading people to think I said I
53:21
will never change or work on myself.
53:23
This isn't true. I've been in therapy since I was
53:25
12 and have been trying to get better.
53:27
However, it's a lot to cover and this post would get taken down
53:30
if I went into explicit detail about what exactly is wrong with
53:33
me. And Rome wasn't built in a day.
53:36
Oh. Yeah.
53:37
Rome wasn't built in a day. Nice nice line to end it off of.
53:42
That's insane. So we're not that far off in
53:45
age. So that's really interesting
53:48
because, OK, you and my dad, you guys never really had us glued
53:53
to screens like that. I understand where this person's
53:57
coming from because you're like, people would hand their kids the
54:01
iPad to entertain them and to take time to do chores or
54:05
anything else they need to do, which I understand the intention
54:07
behind it. But instead of giving your kid
54:09
like a board game or a book, book or anything, you're giving
54:14
them this iPad. And so we can't act surprised
54:17
when these kids all of a sudden come out and be like, hey, I
54:21
never really developed these certain skills or these certain
54:24
things because I was glued to my iPad my entire life.
54:27
And being on Omegle is insane, is absolutely insane.
54:32
But the part where you have an an American accent because of
54:36
the media you were consuming as a kid even though you were from
54:39
the UK is insane. Like that is the conversations
54:45
he had. Yes, those were the meaningful
54:47
interactions that he had with American television or American,
54:52
you know, media. Y'all that's crazy.
54:56
That's crazy. And no, I don't think that's
54:58
your fault. No.
54:59
And I don't even blame you for feeling resentments towards them
55:02
because there's other ways for parenting.
55:07
OK, in times before iPads, what do you think the parents did to
55:12
entertain their kids? Yeah, we had there a lot of
55:15
interaction with y'all because we didn't throw iPads in your
55:19
hand, but also, man, throwing a movie on if you're trying to do
55:23
chores, sit them in front of the TV for two hours, I get it.
55:26
But not all day long, not all, you know?
55:29
And so I understand the stress of being a parent and having
55:33
things to do. And this kid is running around
55:36
and I need, I need a second. I understand that.
55:39
But as a mother of three, I also know that there is some things
55:45
that you have to just get over. Like I watched way too many kid
55:50
movies. I just I didn't want to sit
55:52
there and what, but I didn't want y'all to be like left off
55:56
by yourself to watch what this thing or to watch even today, we
56:00
still watch stuff together because it's if we're going to
56:03
do it, then we can do it together.
56:05
You know, not you doing that and I doing something else or you
56:08
know, like you said, books and board games and toys and there's
56:11
a lot of different options. But there was there is a wave I
56:15
saw in the comments section. There was some parents or people
56:18
who are saying to give their parents a break and you
56:21
shouldn't be so resentful because back then we didn't
56:24
understand how harmful throwing an iPad and a kids hand could
56:28
be. But I disagree with that because
56:31
there were articles and there was doctors who were saying
56:34
things immediately they were telling us get these iPads out
56:39
of these kids hands. It's in these kids hands as
56:41
young as two. As long as if they can hold it,
56:43
they are watching it. And to have no regulations on
56:47
it. I mean, he was on all these
56:50
websites that he should not have been on same.
56:52
And so he was given free rein, not not just the iPad, but free
56:56
rein to the Internet. And that I do think is a
56:59
parent's responsibility. Absolutely.
57:02
So I I don't I'm not mad at him for feeling resentful.
57:05
Resentful at all, but I do. Appreciate that he's taking the
57:08
steps, you know, he sees that there's there's some, some lack.
57:12
And he's like, OK, these are what I want to change about
57:15
myself. Yeah, it wasn't my fault.
57:17
But none of our baggage from childhood is our fault, you
57:19
know? And so once we become adults and
57:22
we're like, OK, this is something that I would like to
57:24
change. And then you you change and.
57:26
He's taking the substance so. I thought that would make a good
57:31
conversation. Tell us what you guys think in
57:32
the comments about this. Because the generation of iPad
57:35
kids are all adults now and we are seeing that the kids who
57:41
were influencer kids like all those things, they're all coming
57:43
of age now. And I just really want to know
57:46
how growing up that way has affected you.
57:48
Yeah, being so reliant on social media and our devices it is a
57:53
detriment for sure. Agreed.
57:55
We got to now play catch up instead of just knowing the
57:58
things that we should know. So agreed.
58:01
Good one. Thank you.
58:02
Oh my gosh, is that. It.
58:03
That's it. Oh my God, we didn't.
58:07
All right, y'all, thank you so much for joining.
58:09
Episode 3233 is next week, but we're continuing the
58:13
conversation and I believe my mom has one more story.
58:15
So if you want to see that part and the extended episode, head
58:18
over to Patreon. It is posted right now, so
58:21
you're in luck. All right, y'all thank.
58:23
You love you. Bye.