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Parenting Adult Children & Menopause · Create The Best Me

• 0:03
  Carmen Hecox: Well, hello there and welcome to Create The Best Me.
• 0:06
  Carmen Hecox: I am Carmen Hecox, and in today's episode, we're diving into a topic that's close to many of our hearts, parenting adult children, especially as we navigate the waves of menopause.
• 0:20
  Carmen Hecox: Now, let's be honest parenting doesn't come with a manual.
• 0:24
  Carmen Hecox: It's just when you think you've got it all figured out, your kids become adults, and the game changes completely.
• 0:32
  Carmen Hecox: It's like graduating from"Parenting 101" to"Advanced Adult Child Management" and nobody gave us a textbook.
• 0:40
  Carmen Hecox: But here's the fun part this stage of life, be it pre-menopause, menopause, or post-menopause, brings with it a whole new set of superpowers.
• 0:51
  Carmen Hecox: Yes, you heard me right superpowers! We're talking wisdom, patience, and a sense of humor that can only come from years of experience.
• 1:02
  Carmen Hecox: So, whether you're in the thick of hot flashes or navigating the calm after the storm, today we're going to chat about how to foster independence in our grown children.
• 1:16
  Carmen Hecox: How to support them without overstepping?
• 1:20
  Carmen Hecox: Setting boundaries without building walls?
• 1:23
  Carmen Hecox: And most importantly, how do we transition from being the"fix-it" parent to the"guide-on-the-side"?
• 1:33
  Carmen Hecox: From navigating the tricky waters of financial independence to mastering the art of unsolicited advice, or rather not giving it, we've got you covered.
• 1:44
  Carmen Hecox: And trust me, it's going to be as enlightening as it is entertaining.
• 1:50
  Carmen Hecox: So, grab your favorite cup of tea, and find a cozy spot and let's unravel the mystery of parenting adult children during our menopause years.
• 1:59
  Carmen Hecox: It's a journey full of laughter, learning, and maybe a few"aha!" moments.
• 2:06
  Carmen Hecox: Are you ready?
• 2:06
  Carmen Hecox: Let's dive right in! Alright, my fabulous friends, let's jump into the most intriguing tightrope walk we face as parents of adult children striking that perfect balance between supportive and turning into a 24/7 problem-solver.
• 2:27
  Carmen Hecox: You see, supportive parenting is like being a cheerleader, coach, and sometimes just a silent fan in the stand.
• 2:35
  Carmen Hecox: It's about being there, offering a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, or just a warm smile of encouragement.
• 2:43
  Carmen Hecox: It's letting them know,"Hey, I believe in you, and you've got this!" But here's the twist as our kids grow into these wonderful, capable adults, our parenting style needs a bit of a makeover.
• 2:58
  Carmen Hecox: Gone are the days when we're swooping in and fixing everything.
• 3:02
  Carmen Hecox: Now, it's more about guiding them to fix their own puzzles.
• 3:07
  Carmen Hecox: Think of it as shifting from being a"chief problem-solver" to a"wise consultant." The trick here is knowing when to step in and when to step back.
• 3:19
  Carmen Hecox: It's like being a trapeze artist, knowing just when to let go and trust that your child will make the catch.
• 3:27
  Carmen Hecox: Yes, you might wince a bit, hoping they don't fall, but oh, the joy when they soar! And let's talk about solving problems It's tempting, right?
• 3:39
  Carmen Hecox: Our parental instincts scream,"I can fix this!" But here's the golden nugget every time we resist the urge to solve their problems, we're actually empowering them.
• 3:51
  Carmen Hecox: We're saying,"I trust your judgment.
• 3:54
  Carmen Hecox: I trust your ability to handle this." And trust me, that's a powerful gift to give.
• 4:01
  Carmen Hecox: Now, it doesn't mean we zip our lips and toss them to the wolves.
• 4:06
  Carmen Hecox: No way! It's more about a nudge rather than a push.
• 4:10
  Carmen Hecox: It's sharing wisdom, offering perspectives, and maybe even recounting our own tales of triumphs and, yes, the occasional face palm moments.
• 4:21
  Carmen Hecox: But ultimately, it's about letting them steer their own ship while we cheer from the shoreline.
• 4:28
  Carmen Hecox: And remember, sometimes they just need us to listen, not to fix.
• 4:34
  Carmen Hecox: To be the soundboard as they navigate their own decisions.
• 4:39
  Carmen Hecox: It's in these moments of active listening and subtle guidance that we truly support their journey toward independence and resilience.
• 4:49
  Carmen Hecox: So, my friends, as we continue this exciting chapter of parenting, let's celebrate the shift from problem-solving to supportive guiding.
• 4:59
  Carmen Hecox: It's not about letting them grow; it's about growing with them side by side into this new and exciting phase of life.
• 5:09
  Carmen Hecox: Alright, let's dive into the heart of any strong relationship open and honest communication.
• 5:17
  Carmen Hecox: When it comes to our adult kids, this is where the magic happens, or sometimes when we need a little wizardly to get things right.
• 5:26
  Carmen Hecox: First things first, open communication isn't just about talking; it's also listening and I mean, really listening.
• 5:36
  Carmen Hecox: It's about hearing, not just the words, but the emotions, the hopes, and even the unspoken concerns behind them.
• 5:43
  Carmen Hecox: It's like being a detective, but instead of solving crime, you're unraveling the mysteries of your adult child's world.
• 5:52
  Carmen Hecox: One key thing it's crucial to create a space where they feel safe to share.
• 5:58
  Carmen Hecox: This means no judgment, no immediate"mom or dad fixes everything" mode, it's just comforting environment where thoughts and feelings can flow freely.
• 6:09
  Carmen Hecox: Think of it as building a bridge.
• 6:11
  Carmen Hecox: Not a barrier, But here's a challenge how do we keep our parental advice giving in check?
• 6:19
  Carmen Hecox: The trick is to ask questions that guide, not direct.
• 6:23
  Carmen Hecox: Instead of saying,"Here's what you should do," try,"What do you think are your options?" It's about empowering them to find their own solutions, with you as their trusted advisor.
• 6:37
  Carmen Hecox: Remember, honesty goes both ways.
• 6:41
  Carmen Hecox: Share your thoughts, feelings too, but do it in a way that's supportive, not overbearing.
• 6:47
  Carmen Hecox: It's about sharing wisdom, not dictating rules.
• 6:51
  Carmen Hecox: It's like having a conversation with a dear friend respectful, open, and always from a place of love.
• 6:59
  Carmen Hecox: And let's not forget about non-verbal cues.
• 7:02
  Carmen Hecox: Our body language, tone of voice, and even our expressions speak volumes.
• 7:08
  Carmen Hecox: So, when you're communicating, it's not just what you say, but how you say it.
• 7:14
  Carmen Hecox: A warm tone, a smile, or a gentle nod can make all the difference.
• 7:21
  Carmen Hecox: It's in this digital age, staying connected can also mean embracing technology a text, a video call, or even a meme.
• 7:29
  Carmen Hecox: can keep the communication lines open and lively.
• 7:33
  Carmen Hecox: It's about speaking their language, staying connected in a way that resonates with them.
• 7:40
  Carmen Hecox: So, my wonderful friends, as we navigate this path of open and honest communication with our adult children, let's cherish every conversation.
• 7:50
  Carmen Hecox: Every shared silence and every laugh.
• 7:53
  Carmen Hecox: Because in the end, it's these moments of connection that make the journey of parenting so incredibly rewarding.
• 8:01
  Carmen Hecox: Now, let's navigate on a topic that's crucial as it is tricky establishing boundaries.
• 8:07
  Carmen Hecox: Ah, boundaries, those invisible lines that can make all the difference between a harmonious relationship and a"why did I pick up the phone" moment.
• 8:19
  Carmen Hecox: First off, let's clear the air.
• 8:22
  Carmen Hecox: Setting boundaries doesn't mean building walls between us and the adult children.
• 8:27
  Carmen Hecox: It's more like drawing a map that defines where our role as a parent ends and their journey as an independent adult begins.
• 8:37
  Carmen Hecox: It's like saying,"This is your space to grow, this is mine." But how do we set these boundaries?
• 8:45
  Carmen Hecox: It starts with clear communication clear, respectful, and honest.
• 8:51
  Carmen Hecox: Sit down with your adult child and discuss expectations.
• 8:55
  Carmen Hecox: What are they comfortable with?
• 8:58
  Carmen Hecox: What are you comfortable with?
• 8:59
  Carmen Hecox: It's like negotiating a peace treaty, but with more coffee and less bureaucracy.
• 9:04
  Carmen Hecox: Remember, boundaries are there for both of you.
• 9:08
  Carmen Hecox: They're there to protect your relationship from becoming parent-child version of a soap opera.
• 9:15
  Carmen Hecox: It's about respecting their decisions, their privacy, and their right to make mistakes.
• 9:22
  Carmen Hecox: And it's about them respecting your need for space, peace of mind, and yes, your newfound hobby.
• 9:30
  Carmen Hecox: So, setting boundaries also means knowing when to step back.
• 9:35
  Carmen Hecox: It's tempting to jump into every aspect of their lives, but sometimes the best support we can give is the freedom for them to handle things themselves.
• 9:45
  Carmen Hecox: It's about trusting them and the values you've instilled in them.
• 9:50
  Carmen Hecox: Trust me, it's liberating for both sides.
• 9:54
  Carmen Hecox: And what about those financial boundaries?
• 9:57
  Carmen Hecox: Ah, the big question! There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but a good rule of thumb is gradually reducing financial support as they become more self-sufficient.
• 10:07
  Carmen Hecox: It's not just about cutting them off; it's about teaching them to swim without financial floaties.
• 10:14
  Carmen Hecox: In the end, establishing boundaries is about fostering a relationship based on mutual respect, love, and the understanding that we're all growing them into independent adults and us into parents of these amazing grown-ups.
• 10:32
  Carmen Hecox: Now, let's turn our attention to a topic at the heart of parenting adult children the importance of fostering independence.
• 10:40
  Carmen Hecox: It's a bit like teaching them to ride a bike.
• 10:43
  Carmen Hecox: Initially we're running alongside them, but eventually we let go and watch them pedal into their own journey.
• 10:49
  Carmen Hecox: So why is fostering independence so crucial?
• 10:53
  Carmen Hecox: Well, for starters, it's about their growth.
• 10:56
  Carmen Hecox: Just like a young plant needs space to stretch its roots and leaves, our adult children need room to explore, to make their own decisions, and yes, sometimes stumble.
• 11:07
  Carmen Hecox: It's through these experiences that they develop resilience, confidence, and the skills to navigate the world.
• 11:15
  Carmen Hecox: But here's the kicker fostering their independence isn't just good for them; it's good for us too.
• 11:22
  Carmen Hecox: As our children become more self-sufficient, we get the opportunity to rediscover ourselves.
• 11:29
  Carmen Hecox: It's a chance to revisit old passions, explore new interests, and even cultivate new relationships.
• 11:36
  Carmen Hecox: It's like getting a passport to a new phase of our lives.
• 11:40
  Carmen Hecox: Fostering independence.
• 11:41
  Carmen Hecox: Also leads to healthier relationships.
• 11:44
  Carmen Hecox: It shifts the dynamic from dependency to mutual respect and understanding.
• 11:50
  Carmen Hecox: It's about moving from"parent-child" relationship to an"adult-adult" one.
• 11:55
  Carmen Hecox: This shift opens up new avenues for connection you're not just their parent; you're their trusted advisor and confidant and friend.
• 12:06
  Carmen Hecox: Let's not forget the practical side of things.
• 12:10
  Carmen Hecox: When our children are independent, it means less worry for us.
• 12:15
  Carmen Hecox: We can rest easy knowing they can handle life's ups and downs, manage their finance and take care of themselves.
• 12:24
  Carmen Hecox: It's like watching them sail their own ship, knowing they can navigate through any storm.
• 12:31
  Carmen Hecox: So, how do we foster this independence?
• 12:33
  Carmen Hecox: It's about gradually stepping back, offering guidance when asked, and resisting the urge to jump in at every hurdle they face.
• 12:44
  Carmen Hecox: It's about celebrating their victories, being there during their challenges, and always believing in their ability to succeed.
• 12:55
  Carmen Hecox: Remember that fostering independence in our adult children is one of the greatest gifts we can give to them and ourselves.
• 13:04
  Carmen Hecox: It's a testament to our parenting, a tribute to their capabilities, and a foundation for a relationship that continues to evolve and enrich both our lives.
• 13:18
  Carmen Hecox: Now let's tackle a challenge that many of us face resisting the temptation to over-parent our adult children.
• 13:27
  Carmen Hecox: Ah, over parenting, it's like a reflex, isn't it?
• 13:32
  Carmen Hecox: They face a problem and we're ready to jump in with our superhero cape.
• 13:38
  Carmen Hecox: But, as we all know, even superheroes need a day off.
• 13:42
  Carmen Hecox: Firstly, let's acknowledge that wanting to help is natural.
• 13:47
  Carmen Hecox: After all, they'll always be our babies.
• 13:50
  Carmen Hecox: But, as they grow into adults, our role evolves.
• 13:54
  Carmen Hecox: It's no longer about swooping in to save the day; it's about being a supportive presence, a guiding light rather than the captain of their ship.
• 14:05
  Carmen Hecox: Now, how do we resist the urge to over-parent?
• 14:08
  Carmen Hecox: Start by taking a step back and assessing the situation.
• 14:12
  Carmen Hecox: Ask yourself,"Is this a moment for them to learn and grow?
• 14:17
  Carmen Hecox: Can I provide support without taking over?" It's about giving them the space to solve their own puzzles, even if it means watching them struggle.
• 14:29
  Carmen Hecox: Another key is to focus on your own journey.
• 14:33
  Carmen Hecox: Menopause, pre-menopause, post-menopause are times of transformation for us too.
• 14:39
  Carmen Hecox: Embrace this phase! Rediscover old passions, explore new hobbies, or simply enjoy some well-deserved"me time." It's not just good for you; it's healthy for your relationship with your adult children.
• 14:55
  Carmen Hecox: Communication as always is crucial.
• 15:00
  Carmen Hecox: Have open conversations about expectations, needs both yours and theirs.
• 15:06
  Carmen Hecox: This helps setting clear boundaries and understanding where your support is most valued and needed.
• 15:14
  Carmen Hecox: It's like creating a mutual understanding that respects both their independence and your role as a parent.
• 15:22
  Carmen Hecox: Remember, encouraging their problem-solving skills is one of the best gifts you can give.
• 15:27
  Carmen Hecox: It shows trust in their abilities and confidence in the values you've instilled in them.
• 15:33
  Carmen Hecox: It's like watching them climb a mountain you're there at the base, cheering, ready with a warm embrace, whether they reach the summit or need to try again.
• 15:45
  Carmen Hecox: Let's celebrate the beauty of stepping back and watching our adult children shine.
• 15:52
  Carmen Hecox: It's not about disconnecting; it's about redefining our connection in a way that honors their adulthood and our evolving role as a parent.
• 16:04
  Carmen Hecox: As we continue our journey through the world of parenting adult children, let's focus on a question that often goes unasked:"Who really benefits from fostering independence?" Spoiler alert: It's a win-win for everyone involved! Firstly, our adult children, independence is like the soil and sunshine they need to grow.
• 16:29
  Carmen Hecox: It's the foundation of their self-confidence, problem solving skills, and resilience.
• 16:35
  Carmen Hecox: When they learn to navigate life's twists and turns on their own, they're building a toolkit of skills that will serve them for a lifetime.
• 16:47
  Carmen Hecox: Just like a bird learns to fly, our children learn to soar on their own, and there's nothing more rewarding than watching them spread their wings.
• 16:57
  Carmen Hecox: But here's the beautiful part as our children become more dependent, we as parents reap the rewards too.
• 17:05
  Carmen Hecox: Seeing our children manage their own lives successfully is a testament to our parenting.
• 17:12
  Carmen Hecox: It's a sign we've done our job well, and we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor.
• 17:19
  Carmen Hecox: It's like watching a masterpiece you've worked on for years finally come to life.
• 17:26
  Carmen Hecox: Moreover, fostering independence in our children opens up new avenues for us as well.
• 17:33
  Carmen Hecox: With our"parenting duties" evolving, we find more time and space to explore our own interests, passions, and friendships.
• 17:42
  Carmen Hecox: It's an opportunity for personal growth, rediscovery, and maybe even a little adventure.
• 17:48
  Carmen Hecox: Who knows what new hobbies or passions you might uncover?
• 17:53
  Carmen Hecox: And let's talk about the relationship benefit.
• 17:56
  Carmen Hecox: When our children are independent, our interactions with them become more about mutual respect, shared interests, and genuine companionship.
• 18:07
  Carmen Hecox: The parent-child relationship transforms into something richer, more nuanced.
• 18:12
  Carmen Hecox: It's no longer just about guidance and care; it's about sharing, learning, and growing together.
• 18:19
  Carmen Hecox: In essence, we foster independence in our adult children, we're creating a cycle of positive growth.
• 18:27
  Carmen Hecox: Our children become self-reliant and confident individuals, and we gain the joy of seeing them succeed and the freedom to embark on our own new journeys.
• 18:39
  Carmen Hecox: It's a beautiful dance of growing up, growing old, where every step benefits both the dancer and the audience.
• 18:49
  Carmen Hecox: So, let's embrace the joy and pride that comes with fostering independence.
• 18:54
  Carmen Hecox: It's not just a gift to our children it's a gift to ourselves a gift of peace, pride, and endless possibilities for both generations.
• 19:05
  Carmen Hecox: Now, let's roll up our sleeves and delve into a topic that often a bit of a tightrope walk for us parents guiding our adult children toward financial independence.
• 19:18
  Carmen Hecox: Yes, it's about turning off the financial faucet, but in a way that's nurturing, not jarring.
• 19:26
  Carmen Hecox: Firstly, why is financial independence so important for our adult children?
• 19:30
  Carmen Hecox: Well, it's like teaching them to fish instead of giving them the fish.
• 19:35
  Carmen Hecox: It's empowering them to build their own financial stability, make their own choices, and understand the value of hard-earned money.
• 19:44
  Carmen Hecox: It's about setting them up for success in a world where financial savvy is a must have skill.
• 19:51
  Carmen Hecox: Now the big question, when do we start this transition?
• 19:55
  Carmen Hecox: There's no universal clockwork.
• 19:57
  Carmen Hecox: for this, but a good rule of thumb is gradually reduce financial support as they establish their career paths or show signs of financial responsibility.
• 20:07
  Carmen Hecox: It's a phased approach, like slowly removing the training wheels from a bike.
• 20:14
  Carmen Hecox: Communication as always is key.
• 20:17
  Carmen Hecox: Have an open discussion about finances budget, expenses, and savings.
• 20:23
  Carmen Hecox: It's not about laying down the law; it's about collaborating on a plan that works for both of you.
• 20:30
  Carmen Hecox: Think of it as a financial planning session, not a boardroom negotiation.
• 20:35
  Carmen Hecox: Setting clear expectations is crucial.
• 20:38
  Carmen Hecox: Whether it's about when you'll stop paying their cell phone bill, or how you'll handle emergencies, clarity prevents misunderstanding and potential conflicts.
• 20:48
  Carmen Hecox: It's like mapping out a journey everyone needs to know the route and the destination.
• 20:55
  Carmen Hecox: Encourage them to take on more financial responsibilities like paying for their personal expenses or contributing to household costs.
• 21:03
  Carmen Hecox: If they're living at home.
• 21:05
  Carmen Hecox: It's about giving them a sense of ownership over their finances, which builds confidence and accountability.
• 21:14
  Carmen Hecox: And remember, this isn't just about them learning to manage money; it's about them learning to manage life.
• 21:22
  Carmen Hecox: Financial independence is a stepping-stone to overall independence, making decisions, facing consequences, and growing as a person.
• 21:32
  Carmen Hecox: Let's remember that guiding our children toward financial independence is one of the most loving things we can do.
• 21:40
  Carmen Hecox: It's setting them free to build their own futures on their terms.
• 21:46
  Carmen Hecox: And that my friend is a true success for any parent.
• 21:50
  Carmen Hecox: And there we are, at the end of our journey through the uncharted but rewarding territory of parenting adult children.
• 21:59
  Carmen Hecox: As we conclude, let's reflect on how the parent-child relationship evolves and blossoms during this stage.
• 22:08
  Carmen Hecox: From our discussion today, one thing is abundantly clear; as our children grow into adults, our role as a parent transforms.
• 22:18
  Carmen Hecox: We're no longer the directors in their lives; instead, we become advisors, supporters, and most beautifully, their friend.
• 22:29
  Carmen Hecox: It's a transition from a relationship of dependency to one of mutual respect and admiration.
• 22:37
  Carmen Hecox: This evolution isn't always easy.
• 22:40
  Carmen Hecox: It comes with its challenges, moments of doubt, and yes, a few growing pains.
• 22:46
  Carmen Hecox: But just like any change, it also brings immense opportunity for our children to discover their strength and for us to rediscover ourselves.
• 22:59
  Carmen Hecox: It's a dance of independence, a rhythm that takes time to learn, but is graceful and fulfilling once mastered.
• 23:10
  Carmen Hecox: Remember, fostering independence in our adult children isn't just a gift to them; it's a gift to ourselves.
• 23:18
  Carmen Hecox: It's allowing us to witness the incredible individuals they become and giving us the freedom to explore new horizons in Our own lives.
• 23:29
  Carmen Hecox: It's a journey of growth, not just for them, but for us as well.
• 23:36
  Carmen Hecox: As we sign off today, I encourage you to embrace this evolving relationship with open arms and an open heart.
• 23:44
  Carmen Hecox: Cherish every conversation, every laugh, and even the disagreements they're all threads in this beautiful tapestry of your family story.
• 23:57
  Carmen Hecox: And as you navigate this journey, remember that you're not alone.
• 24:02
  Carmen Hecox: We're all in this together, learning, growing, and loving in this wonderful adventure called parenting.
• 24:10
  Carmen Hecox: Thank you.
• 24:11
  Carmen Hecox: for joining me on Create The Best Me.
• 24:13
  Carmen Hecox: I hope today's episode has shed light on the beauty and the complexity of parenting adult children and has inspired you to embrace this phase with joy and confidence.
• 24:27
  Carmen Hecox: Additional information and today's transcript.
• 24:29
  Carmen Hecox: Can be found at CreateTheBestMe.com/EP049.
• 24:37
  Carmen Hecox: Join me next week as our guest will be Princella Stringer.
• 24:41
  Carmen Hecox: She will discuss masculine and feminine powers.
• 24:45
  Carmen Hecox: She will explain why it is essential for women entrepreneurs to learn to balance these powers in order to run a successful business.
• 24:54
  Carmen Hecox: Priscilla has so much golden nuggets in this episode, so you'll need to come back next week.
• 25:01
  Carmen Hecox: Until then, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself, and remember you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself.
• 25:12
  Carmen Hecox: Thank you for watching.
• 25:13
  Carmen Hecox: Catch you next week.
• 25:15
  Carmen Hecox: Bye for now.