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Be Impeccable With Your Word - How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding · Do Hard Things™ with Siegfried Tiegs

• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I got invited to a podcast and I was really excited about it.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was a real show with significant following on YouTube.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: The caliber of people he had on, I really admired, and I was just really excited to be on the show.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And 10 minutes before we go live, I get a message.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling under the weather, need to reschedule.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Fine, that happens, right?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Little a little annoyed, but you know, these things happen abruptly, and it is what it is.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And we just reschedule, not a big deal, right?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we reschedule two weeks out.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, this morning, the block of time, I'm supposed to be on the podcast actually right now while I'm recording this, so you can just kind of guess what happened, right?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So 10 minutes before the show, no explanation, another cancellation.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I am not going to out the host, but what I am what I would like to talk about is the importance of honoring your word.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: What is your word worth?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: What does it cost you when you break it?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe how to call someone out or clean it up when they break theirs.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sigfre JTeagues.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Most people call me Sig.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a recovering breaker of my own word.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want you to know that we are human and I am not perfect.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have greater levels of awareness because I know earlier in my life, and maybe even to this day, I have hurt people by not honoring my word.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't realize how impactful it was to other people.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: But we need to have awareness and have a conversation around this.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just going to tee up some strategies and some ideas around this concept.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome back to the Do Hard Things podcast.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the hardest of things is doing the simple things like honoring your word because it is simple, but it's not always easy.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so today we're talking about being impeccable with your word.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: What is it worth?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: What it cost you when you break it, how to call someone out when they break theirs.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: So have you ever had any of these challenges before?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you told your kid that you're going to be at the game or you're going to do something, and for whatever reason, you weren't able to make it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe you had you got sidetracked with work, you got sidetracked with something else.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you said you'd start Monday.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's been 11 Mondays and you still haven't started.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: You got a guy on your team who says yes to everything, but doesn't fully deliver on what he says and you haven't called him out on it.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: You got a friend who's canceled on you three times and you still answer the phone when they call and you haven't said a word about it because it just maybe felt petty.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I'm not going to out anyone here on the podcast because this isn't about one guy.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just really kind of the concept and the topic about it, and just the example that kind of showed up on my radar this morning.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's been coming up recently in a few other circles with other friends, and it's a common, it's a common thing.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, this particular one kind of like really kind of had me frustrated.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was experiencing a little frustration this morning.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, 10 minutes out, no explanation.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, why?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just that the hour was gone.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think what frustrated me is that, you know, I had blocked the morning both weeks.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I had prepped.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I moved my team meeting because I got a standard team meeting that time, showed up early.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I come from a world where if you're on time, you're late.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that I got installed in me after, you know, being in the military for nearly three years.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like the standard is like if you're on time, you're late.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Be early, be ready.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't make it, someone knows before it's a problem.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And at least give a heads up, right?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm sitting at my desk annoyed, and I just kind of you know catch myself thinking that this isn't a character problem.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's more just a difference in standards.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, it was on my heart because I just made a podcast or social media post this morning about elevating your standards and how I'm working on elevating my standards in a couple areas.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Look, he's not a bad guy.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: He's just operating on a different set of standards than I am, which is why it annoys me so much.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And his standard just allows for that.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if he's aware of how it makes other people feel.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, uh an impactful resource that really helped me out with this, because like I said, I'm a recovering and and I'm still not perfect.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: But a resource was the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's four simple agreements.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the first one is being impeccable with your word.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Be impeccable with your word.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Ruiz breaks the word apart.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what does impeccable mean?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it comes from the Latin word without sin.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And he defines sin as anything you do against yourself.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So when you break your word, it's not about what you're doing to the other person.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's really like what you're doing to yourself.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's a it's a reframe, and and it got me out of out of just just realizing how you're kind of sinning against yourself.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's a violation against your own values.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And not only does it hurt the other person, but it also hurts you, and you may not be aware of it.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it really made me think about like all the times that I had broken my word over time.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't like the feeling of hurting other people.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And every every time that you that you're flippant with your word, and and look, sometimes you don't intend to break your word, you just become a little flippant with your word because you want to say yes to everyone.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And and maybe it comes from a it comes from a place of service and it comes from a place of genuinely wanting to do well by others, but then there could be a lack of like time management, or you just forget, or what whatever it is, but it has the same impact.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So being flippant with your word is the same as being deliberately, you know, unintentional about how you impact other people with your word.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so oftentimes what happens when you violate your word, most people won't tell you.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to confront that.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you break your word, they get annoyed.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: They might tell their wife about it and then kind of quietly write you off.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what happens the invite doesn't come back, the referral goes to someone else.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: The deal doesn't return.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: No one sends you like a bill that hey, there's a broken agreement here.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's no notification.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're and here's the deal your your reputation is a pile of decisions other people have made about you and never told you about.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so you go on thinking that everything is fine, you're doing fine, because nothing is visually visibly broken.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: But it it does damage your overall reputation and how other people perceive you.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing that it does, and this is the one that has a compounding interest, every time you say that you'll do something and you don't, you know, this is filed away in your subconscious.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: It slowly erodes your confidence.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And your subconscious will keep the score.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the what will happen is that in your subconscious, your brain will start to file away that what this man says and what this man does are two different things.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you might you'll begin to like continue to say that you're going to do certain things, you commit to things, and then part of you won't buy in, so you're not fully committed to it.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: You might call it fear, bad timing, lack of motivation, but it's really breaking promises to yourself.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's a real cost to this.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's that is the uh that that's the second harm that it will do.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: It will slowly over time erode your confidence.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so what's the solution?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is this is what I like to do.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Honor it, own it, clean it up.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Honor it, own it, clean it up.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Honor it.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it it starts before you say yes.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Most broken words start as a yes you should never have given.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: You said yes to be nice, you said yes because it was three weeks out and it felt like not a big deal.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: But you didn't maybe earmark the time, you didn't realize that there was another competing interest.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the idea is to slow down with the yeses.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: As Brendan Bouchard would say, like your default should be no, and you don't have to be a jerk about it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can say no politely, but when you're very flippant about the yeses, then they get handed out, and then and then people just and and you don't show up, like it just it does damage to your reputation.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you might just simply say, you know what, I can't commit, I I have a competing interest, I've got focus area, you know, somewhere else.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Most people will honor that.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: They'll accept that.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a big deal.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: They they respect that a lot more than a yes that you don't mean.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so be be careful about just being flippant about the yeses.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So honor it.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: All right, own it when you do break your word, you know, as we're we're human, and owning it means that you name it without an excuse attached.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I said that I would do this and I didn't, full stop.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: The second that you add traffic to it or you know, how busy it's been, you you just stop owning it and you start defending yourself and they can hear the difference.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so you just call it out for what it is.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I I screwed up and I accept responsibility for that.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then the third thing is to clean it up.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know, the apology is not the cleanup.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: It and it costs you nothing.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Cleaning up means doing something that that might cost you to make the other person whole.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you reschedule it on the calendar at their convenience, not yours.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: You deliver it early, you eat the expense, you you drive over to them, you do you do with them to honor them.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's more than just the apology.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: The the cost is the point.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's what makes makes it a repair versus just more words.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, what would make this right?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then go do that thing.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So clean it up.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: So honor it, own it, and then clean it up.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you call someone else out?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how can you do this?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is where most people kind of freeze up.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to be the guy that makes it weird, rocks the boat, maybe get into a confrontation.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so here's how I did it this morning.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's four parts care, facts, cost, ask.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Care, facts, cost, ask.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Care.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just open with concern.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I hope you're doing well, you know.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everything's okay on your end.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And and like mean it, kind of sets the tone.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Facts.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know what happened, not accusing them of anything or telling them what kind of person they are, but just hey, 10 minutes out, no explanation.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Those are some facts.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Saying, hey, you're unreliable.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of a verdict because we don't know, right?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: But we don't want to be harsh.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: We just want to state, hey, this is this is what I have observed.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Second time, 10 minutes out, no explanation.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Saw it canceled.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Cost.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: What did what did it cost you specifically?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like I blocked out the time both weeks, rearranged my schedule, moved my team meeting, not feelings, just hours, logistics, resources, and then ask, end with the question they have to answer.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, mine was, you know, where do we go from here?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it puts the ball back on their side of the net.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Care, facts, cost, ask.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was the really the crux of the email that I sent.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's no insult, never told him, you know, my feelings about it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't tell him what kind of man he is or any of those things.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just kind of left the door open.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm still happy to come on the show.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: That just took me a few minutes to write.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the that's the price.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if if if I don't go on the show for whatever reason, maybe he doesn't want me.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's fine.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it was a quiet, a quiet firing.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's fine.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: But there was a price on my end, and you know, one of one of the principles that I like to operate is you know, be kind, but just take no shit from anyone, right?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: And and and but doing it in a way that is like polite and kind of calls out like, hey, this is what it did to me.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And what'd be happy to discuss further?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, just letting him know that, hey, what where you know this is what it cost, where do we go from here?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: So care, open with care and concern, facts, cost, and then the ask.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a framework that you can use.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: So some common stakes.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you don't want to call someone out when you're when you're feeling pissed, you know, when you're hot, might wait a little bit.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: I I took a few deep breaths before I sent it.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Don't lead with the verdict, hey, you're the type of person that's always late, you know.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is the second time.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you don't want to lead with any of that.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Don't hold a standard for other people that you don't hold for yourself.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Don't confuse an apology with a cleanup.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry is free.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Repair costs something on your end.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Don't slow down at the yes.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Nearly every broken word tracks back to a commitment that you gave to quickly.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: So just be be careful about what you agree to and what you say yes to.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, those are those are just some some things that that you can avoid as far as common mistakes.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: So all right, so here's your assignment.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Here's your here's your assignment, because we got to do hard things around here.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: We've got to do.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: So this is your work for this week.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: One, find one promise that you've broken and never cleaned up.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Probably one you made to yourself or maybe someone else.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Own it in the sentence, no excuse, and go clean it up.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: As I was actually writing this this morning, I had realized that there were there was another incident where I failed to follow up and honor my word.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And before I recorded, I it was a realization that I needed to clean that up and and and and own that.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't feel good.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: It feels better to go back and own it, but I just, you know, once again, what did that person think or feel?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, I'm not I'm not perfect.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm human, right?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: But these are the frameworks, this is how we get better.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Two, find a person who's been flippant with their word with you where you've said nothing, and maybe, you know, use care, facts, cost, and ask.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And let them know because sometimes people just don't simply know that this is kind of like holding a boundary, right?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so those are the those are the things that we need to work on this week.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, all right.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if if this was useful for you, we would love to hear about it.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you would like some more support with these types of frameworks, uh go to doarthingscoaching.com.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can grab a free clarity call with me.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, this this show is all about being better, it's all about the mindset.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, today's topic is just honoring your word, the impacts of not honoring your word.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we're all a work in progress, but having a framework is useful because no one taught me this.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And but now that I have the framework, you know, it's something that I can rely on and uh clean up the messes faster when they do happen and and try to be better about, you know, not not being so flippant with uh with my word.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: So your word is your your word creates your world.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Your word creates your world.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: It is incredibly powerful.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got to be very, very just use discernment when you speak.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when you say you're going to do something, honor it.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: When you don't, clean it up.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Clean it up.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, all right.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I appreciate you tuning in to this episode of the Do Hard Things Podcast.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Go to dohartthingscoaching.com if you want to learn more about events.
• 16:48
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• 16:51
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• 16:53
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• 16:54
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• 17:02
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• 17:08
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• 17:17
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• 17:23
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• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: So in the meantime, keep doing hard things.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you in the next episode.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Honor your word, be impeccable with your word, people.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.