Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why are narcissists STEALING other people's personality traits?

Transcript

Why are narcissists STEALING other people's personality traits? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful folks?
• 0:03
  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists take on
• 0:06
  your personality characteristics, why they start
• 0:08
  to act like you, why they just just steal your traits.
• 0:13
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:15
  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:18
  The Narcissist Code. Boom, y'all be back.
• 0:37
  I'll be hype behind the scenes. I don't understand how hype I be
• 0:40
  behind the scenes. Before we hop deep into today's
• 0:45
  episode, y'all make sure if you haven't already, check out
• 0:47
  joining my newsletter. It's available at
• 0:49
  mentalillness.net. Hit go to mentalillness.net.
• 0:51
  Scroll down, join the newsletter.
• 0:52
  We have an online workshop coming up that I'm going to send
• 0:55
  out to the newsletter subscribers First about
• 0:58
  surviving the holidays with a narcissist.
• 0:59
  It's called surviving narc season.
• 1:02
  Surviving and thriving through holidays with the narcissist.
• 1:06
  Yeah, you can find all of that at mentalillness.net.
• 1:08
  But yeah, y'all, why these pesky narcissistic people?
• 1:11
  Why the hell can't they just be themselves?
• 1:13
  Why the hell do they have to act like you?
• 1:15
  Why you gotta act like me? Here's what I'm saying.
• 1:21
  Simple, simple. The simplest answer to the
• 1:23
  question is going to be like, well, they don't have any
• 1:24
  personalities. Who the hell are?
• 1:25
  Who the hell are they supposed to act like if they don't have a
• 1:28
  personality of their own? I mean, it's a big piece of it
• 1:33
  though. Real.
• 1:33
  I mean, realistically, that's a big piece of it.
• 1:36
  They they don't have a, a real personality.
• 1:38
  Who the hell are they? How the hell are they supposed
• 1:40
  to act like anybody else other than you?
• 1:42
  You know, and I feel like this is this is part of the point
• 1:46
  that a lot of narcissists do not like themselves.
• 1:48
  I'm not going to say narcissists hate themselves.
• 1:50
  Yeah, because I feel like hate is such a strong thing, right?
• 1:54
  I don't think that narcissists hate them.
• 1:56
  So I don't think. I don't think I hate myself.
• 1:58
  Now, do I struggle loving myself?
• 2:01
  Yeah, I would say that. But do I hate myself?
• 2:03
  I ain't going to say all that. Now you see what I'm saying I
• 2:06
  ain't going to say all of that. I struggle to love myself, but I
• 2:09
  don't hate myself. And I think a lot of
• 2:11
  narcissists, right, can attest to that because that's the boy
• 2:15
  to mind works with narcissistic people.
• 2:16
  Like we struggle to take care of ourselves.
• 2:19
  We struggle to be there for ourselves.
• 2:20
  We struggle to do a lot for ourselves because it's it's
• 2:23
  tough. Let's be real, it's tough y'all
• 2:25
  you know? We grow up feeling like we are
• 2:29
  not enough. We grow up feeling like nothing
• 2:31
  we do will ever be enough for anybody around us.
• 2:33
  We grow up feeling like we would never fit in.
• 2:36
  We grow up feeling bad about ourselves, consistently feeling
• 2:38
  so much shame and what not for being who we are.
• 2:41
  So we try to mask it by being other people.
• 2:44
  Like one of the first videos I ever made on TikTok was telling
• 2:46
  people, just like, look, most narcissists include myself.
• 2:51
  Most narcissists include myself. Just take on the personality
• 2:55
  characteristics and traits of everybody else.
• 2:57
  Myself, I tell people my personality originally was who
• 3:02
  you like, who you saw me as was just an accumulation of all the
• 3:06
  personality characteristics and traits of people that I either
• 3:09
  admired or I was jealous of. I was even even down to the
• 3:14
  handwriting. I have very neat handwriting.
• 3:18
  Like even NIA Renee said this a nation like you.
• 3:21
  Well, my partner, my workshop partner, she's like, you have
• 3:24
  very, very neat handwriting. She's like, that's insane.
• 3:26
  I tell her I was like one of my, one of my things I used to do
• 3:30
  when I was stealing person, like taking personality traits was
• 3:33
  copying how people wrote. You see what I'm saying?
• 3:36
  I used to copy how people wrote. This is my remarkable tality.
• 3:38
  Y'all, y'all getting out. This is a, you know, this is how
• 3:41
  I write and whatnot. This is part of my course too.
• 3:44
  Y'all can't steal my course. You can.
• 3:47
  That's what I'm saying. This is part of who I've been
• 3:52
  for so long, right, and I just been taking I I used to like how
• 3:55
  somebody wrote an EI was like, damn, that's a nice EI used to
• 3:59
  like how somebody wrote AG. That's a beautiful GI and I
• 4:02
  should spend the rest of the class writing that E writing
• 4:04
  that G, incorporating it into my own handwriting.
• 4:08
  So I have a very unique handwriting, but it's really an
• 4:11
  accumulation of other people's handwriting that I've seen other
• 4:13
  people's even the letters and stuff like that, that I was
• 4:17
  jealous of or I feel like I could do better than you know
• 4:19
  what I mean? So that's, that's one of the
• 4:21
  reasons why narcissists take on your traits.
• 4:23
  You know, now I feel like a lot of people like, well,
• 4:25
  narcissists mirror you. They take exactly who you are.
• 4:27
  They try to become exactly who you are.
• 4:29
  That can be true for a lot of people, right?
• 4:32
  That can be true when narcissists do reflect back to
• 4:34
  you exactly who you are, but narcissists think that they're
• 4:39
  better than you, right? There are a lot of narcissists
• 4:41
  that just simply think that they're better than you, that
• 4:42
  they deserve more than you, that they're entitled.
• 4:45
  So they don't really just mirror you.
• 4:47
  They model you, right? They take a person out.
• 4:49
  And This is why I got really good at because I thought I was
• 4:51
  mirroring. I was actually modeling.
• 4:55
  I would take the person out, the characteristics or traits that I
• 4:58
  saw in somebody else, right, that I liked or admired and I
• 5:03
  would try to match it. But I would you, I would make it
• 5:05
  fit me, right? I would make it fit me as a
• 5:09
  whole. But who what, what I, what I,
• 5:11
  what I felt comfortable doing, you know, I would model them.
• 5:15
  There's a difference between, there's a difference between
• 5:18
  mirroring and modeling. Mirroring is just a reflection.
• 5:22
  Modeling is, you know, creating something different from that
• 5:25
  same thing. So like I said, modeling means I
• 5:28
  take your person, person at the characteristics and I make it my
• 5:31
  own. I change it around a little bit
• 5:32
  to fit me. You know your bracket, you like
• 5:35
  one of my friends, one of my old friends, he was super
• 5:38
  brackadocious, right? Extremely brackadocious, like
• 5:40
  loud, boisterous, got on my nerves.
• 5:42
  But people he he, people like the attention.
• 5:44
  He got the attention. I like getting the attention.
• 5:46
  I'm like, how do I, how do I become that right there?
• 5:48
  So instead of being loud, I just wanted to dress and I just
• 5:51
  changed my hair, you know what I'm saying?
• 5:52
  I had to change my hair so I would stand out a little bit
• 5:54
  more. I got dreads.
• 5:55
  You see what I'm saying? It stands out a little bit more.
• 5:58
  I used to wear like certain shirts or whatever I got.
• 6:00
  I started working out and getting bigger.
• 6:01
  You see what I'm saying? I'm like 250 lbs.
• 6:04
  So I started doing things to stand out.
• 6:06
  I took it so I stand out. I wanted to stand out.
• 6:08
  He had a unique ability to stand out.
• 6:10
  So I didn't model the loudness and annoyance.
• 6:13
  I thought that was just he was annoying sometimes, but I
• 6:16
  modeled it. I modeled who he was to fit me.
• 6:21
  I feel like I made a better version of him.
• 6:23
  You see what I'm saying? It fits me better to be more to
• 6:26
  be braggadocious or to stand out but in a subtle way.
• 6:29
  Like I'm more of a covert subtle narcissist.
• 6:31
  He was over. But I like the fact that he was
• 6:33
  getting an attention. I was like how the hell do I get
• 6:35
  that attention instead of being loud and annoying?
• 6:38
  Oh, let me model that the trait and make it my own.
• 6:41
  And that is a loose example right there.
• 6:42
  But that's what a lot of narcissists do right there.
• 6:44
  Y'all. This really is what a lot of
• 6:45
  narcissists do. They will model.
• 6:48
  They'll take your personal out the trait and make it their own.
• 6:51
  They don't just take they don't. Some of them will copy it
• 6:53
  exactly, but there's some who take it, who model you and take
• 6:57
  they take the trait, they take the they take the actual trait.
• 7:02
  It just like they take the clay. It's like taking a ball of clay
• 7:06
  and making it their own, right? It really, it really is like
• 7:09
  this kind of like, you know what I mean?
• 7:11
  I wish I had it right here, but I don't.
• 7:13
  That's what happens. This literally is what happens
• 7:16
  with narcissistic people like a lot of narcissists don't really
• 7:19
  think we are good enough we don't think we are enough We
• 7:21
  like when we get when we grow up like I said people would
• 7:23
  belittling us and like we you know some of us were the
• 7:26
  bullies, but some of us got bullied right and y'all let me
• 7:29
  go ahead. Let me rewind this real quick
• 7:31
  because don't this is not for me.
• 7:35
  This video is not meant for me, not meant for you to be to feel
• 7:39
  sorry for the narcissistic person because I know a lot of
• 7:42
  y'all have a lot of empathy right?
• 7:43
  A a girl in my live last night. So he was like I have too much
• 7:47
  empathy to let this person go. I was like huh too much empathy
• 7:50
  to to release them even though they're trying to be in there
• 7:53
  check your life. You know what I mean don't like
• 7:56
  I said this is not for me to feel sorry for them.
• 7:58
  This is me just trying to explain get to a point right
• 8:00
  here for you to understand like why the hell they are they
• 8:02
  acting like you? Why the hell are they
• 8:04
  integrating them trying to integrate themselves into your
• 8:06
  friend groups or your social circles and push you out at the
• 8:09
  same time. You know what I mean?
• 8:12
  Why they doing that? And as that that type of stuff
• 8:14
  starts happening, just think about it like this right here.
• 8:17
  If something, if somebody is mirroring you, you're typical or
• 8:20
  modeling you, you're typically trying to push you away.
• 8:23
  Why? But Lee, why like Lee, why the
• 8:25
  hell do they do that? Why can't they just act like us
• 8:27
  and we could all live in harmony?
• 8:29
  Think about it like this. You ever seen those movies where
• 8:32
  the reflection of somebody comes alive, alive Like somebody's
• 8:36
  looking in the mirror, like a scary movie or something or
• 8:38
  suspense movie. Somebody's looking in the
• 8:40
  mirror, right? They're they're literally
• 8:43
  looking in the mirror and the reflection comes alive and stars
• 8:48
  has a life of its own. The reflection doesn't come out
• 8:52
  the mirror by itself. Like there's never 2 of you.
• 8:56
  The reflection tries to replace you.
• 8:58
  The reflection tries to pull you into the mirror and get
• 9:00
  themselves out of it. You guys see those movies like
• 9:02
  that, like because you 2, you 2 can't exist in the same place.
• 9:07
  So the reflection thinks that it's better than you has modeled
• 9:10
  you. It's a reflection of you.
• 9:11
  It's modeled you and tries to replace you.
• 9:14
  We both can't live in the same world.
• 9:15
  We both can't exist in the same space.
• 9:17
  So they try to put you into the mirror while they put while they
• 9:20
  take themselves into the real world.
• 9:21
  So sometimes you think about it that they think about that in
• 9:23
  your friend group or your social circles or your church or
• 9:26
  whatever it is. It is, you know, your working
• 9:29
  environment. This is having to be your
• 9:30
  boyfriend, girlfriend, husband and wife.
• 9:31
  This could be your best friend, this could be a Co worker, your
• 9:34
  boss, whoever it is, instead of just trying to it it.
• 9:37
  Us 2 can't exist in the same place.
• 9:39
  You mean there's no room? There's not enough room for both
• 9:41
  of us. You know there's not enough
• 9:42
  room. This town ain't big enough for
• 9:44
  the two of us. You know what I'm saying?
• 9:46
  So Clint Eastwood movie, this town ain't big enough for the
• 9:50
  two of us. I don't know if he said that
• 9:51
  might be John Wayne, one of the old country folks and whatnot,
• 9:56
  but that's the space, y'all that really, really is.
• 9:58
  This is the space and the dynamic that so many people fall
• 10:01
  into. This is why they mirror your
• 10:03
  traits. This is why it's model your
• 10:04
  traits because we don't, we're not happy with ourselves.
• 10:07
  You know what I mean? That's why you see like even
• 10:09
  when you feel like you're learning the narcissist, right?
• 10:12
  Because sometimes they'll take your traits or sometimes they'll
• 10:14
  take other people's traits, You'll see the mirroring or
• 10:17
  modeling someone else around you.
• 10:18
  It's not always going to be you. You're not always going to be
• 10:20
  the target, right? So you'll see them modeling and
• 10:24
  mirroring somebody else around you and you'll be like, what the
• 10:27
  hell? Because they want to fit other
• 10:29
  people too, you know, it's just not one person that they're
• 10:31
  focused on. Sometimes they focus on multiple
• 10:33
  people. Like I'm a hodgepodge of
• 10:36
  personality trace and characteristics as I've seen in
• 10:38
  people right now. I said you, I just like, I'm an
• 10:41
  accumulation. I'm just not just one single
• 10:44
  solitary person. I'm an accumulation of the
• 10:46
  personality trace and characteristics that I've seen
• 10:49
  in other people that I've been jealous of or admired.
• 10:52
  You see, it's not just one person I'm jealous of, but one
• 10:55
  person that I admire. There's multiple people, there's
• 10:57
  many people that I'm jealous of and or admire.
• 11:00
  That's why I got to this point right here with my how my mind
• 11:02
  works and things like that. You know what I mean?
• 11:03
  So that's why I've been fighting through.
• 11:04
  That's what I've been battling because I want to get to that
• 11:06
  point where I'm myself, like I'm myself right now, like we have
• 11:10
  y'all ever meet me in real life or you come to one of my
• 11:12
  workshops, whatever one of my meet ups across the world,
• 11:14
  across the country. We're doing join the newsletter
• 11:16
  for that too. If y'all, like I said, join the
• 11:18
  newsletter Mental hilders.net to be first first dibs on even the
• 11:22
  in person workshops. We have an online workshop
• 11:24
  coming up here pretty soon, but I said we are enjoying it for
• 11:28
  the newsletter as well. I mean the in person workshops.
• 11:30
  We've done 2 in Texas and one in the DC this year which is all
• 11:34
  amazing events. I love y'all.
• 11:35
  I love meeting y'all. But you'll see that in real
• 11:37
  life, this is who I am. Who I am right now transitions
• 11:40
  to real life seamlessly. I think that's what.
• 11:43
  If y'all came to one of my workshops and you met me in real
• 11:45
  life, drop in the comment section like and leave your
• 11:48
  honest thoughts like Lee, and maybe this is this is what
• 11:51
  people tell me in real life. Lee, you are who you are online.
• 11:54
  This is my authentic self, even though my authentic self is an
• 11:57
  accumulation of everybody else. You see what I'm saying?
• 11:58
  But this is me now. This is me.
• 12:00
  I've modeled people. I still model right now, y'all.
• 12:03
  I still model right now. Like even my stuff right here,
• 12:05
  like even the skits that y'all see me do.
• 12:07
  That's me modeling somebody else.
• 12:08
  There was this creature or not creature, this creator.
• 12:11
  I've ruined that word. This creator named Collie
• 12:15
  Rackham and they did a lot of skits.
• 12:18
  They were doing a lot of skits. I was like, damn, those are
• 12:20
  doing pretty good skit, but they they were kind of dark and
• 12:22
  ominous. I modeled those.
• 12:24
  I mirrored that. I took that trait.
• 12:26
  I took that characteristic right there.
• 12:28
  I started doing skits, but I made them funnier.
• 12:31
  I started making them more entertaining.
• 12:33
  I modeled it. I used that to fit me.
• 12:35
  You see, that's a real life example and that's AI don't know
• 12:39
  if y'all y'all. I think, I think they, I think
• 12:40
  they, they might be back around now and I've seen some videos of
• 12:43
  them posting or whatnot and I say they and them because I
• 12:46
  think that's what their pronouns are.
• 12:49
  That's tough for me. Y'all just it gets confusing
• 12:52
  something. I try to be respectful over here
• 12:54
  of everybody, y'all, I try to be all, I'm the all inclusive
• 12:57
  narcissist, you know, I love y'all.
• 13:00
  I try to take care of y'all here.
• 13:01
  Your mental, your mental and physical health and whatnot.
• 13:04
  You know what I mean? I feel like so many things are
• 13:06
  going on. But yeah, that's a real life
• 13:09
  example. I just thought about that off
• 13:10
  the top of my head. Like that's a real life example.
• 13:12
  I took that. I took that trait, that
• 13:13
  characteristic that I like that I admired of and I was jealous
• 13:16
  of her because she was getting a lot of they were getting a lot
• 13:18
  of followers or what I think it's she day.
• 13:21
  They were getting a lot of followers and I was like, damn,
• 13:23
  I don't like the dark, ominous tone, you know, I mean like
• 13:26
  gothic. I'm like, I got to brightness,
• 13:29
  get up. So I started being funny with
• 13:31
  it. And that's, you know, I modeled
• 13:32
  that. That's a modelling example right
• 13:34
  there in real life right there. You see what I'm saying?
• 13:36
  That's the type of stuff that I've done in real life.
• 13:38
  I still do it as a grown ass, a grown ass man, but not to the
• 13:43
  detriment of others. I'm not trying to replace them.
• 13:46
  You mean we're definitely not trying to replace them at all.
• 13:50
  But that's the space y'all let me this video that ran all
• 13:53
  longer and I liked them going. I just got into the mode.
• 13:55
  You know, if you haven't already, make sure you hit that
• 13:57
  subscribe button. Helps us reach more.
• 13:59
  People were creeping up to that elusive half a million.
• 14:04
  I would hope we can hit it by the end of the year.
• 14:05
  But y'all would have to subscribe and share this thing
• 14:07
  like crazy. And I don't think I'll
• 14:08
  understand how happy I would be. Like unbelievably happy and
• 14:11
  thankful and gracious and all that.
• 14:13
  All of the above. Y'all make sure you subscribe to
• 14:15
  the channel if you haven't already.
• 14:16
  Y'all join the newsletter again at mentalillness.net to get the
• 14:19
  dibs on our workshop about surviving the holidays and
• 14:23
  mental illness is up. Thank you so much for making it
• 14:25
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 14:28
  Have no idea? If you haven't already, make
• 14:30
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 14:31
  Helps reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 14:34
  another video or to browse through another playlist.
• 14:36
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 14:38
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 14:41
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 14:43
  I will see you in the next.