Latest / Grounded Growth / Kindness That Costs Something
Transcript
- Stephanie Petry: Hi, welcome to. Nicole Ghirardi: Hi, welcome to Grounded Growth Podcast. I'm Nicole Girardi. And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Stephanie Petry: ⁓ And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button. Nicole Ghirardi: Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button Stephanie Petry: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Nicole Ghirardi: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Welcome back. My name's Stephanie Petrie. I'm Nicole Girardi. we are continuing our Fruit That Last series. And this episode, we're talking about kindness that costs something. so biblical kindness goes deeper than just being pleasant. it actually reflects the character of God. kindness becomes most visible when we are stressed, inconvenienced, or dealing with difficult people, or lack of kindness in my situation happens in those times. our failure to be kind reveals our need for the grace of Christ and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. a lot of times with these fruit of the spirit, you're you're asking for that spirit. A lot of times with the fruit of the Spirit, you're asking that Holy Spirit to help you to be kind, help you to be patient, help me to be, you know, loving in my response. But Jesus' kindness towards us becomes that motivation and the model for how we are to treat others. Kindness grows through intentional surrender, humility, and practicing Christ-like responses in ordinary moments. And kindness is one of those words we think we understand until we actually try to live it. most of us have settled for being nice. and nice is easy, but scripture is after something deeper and far more costly. So before we go anywhere else, let's start by asking what does kindness that costs something actually mean? So I think that kindness is an attribute of God before it is a behavior that we are trying to produce. so we kind of have to recognize that first. In Romans chapter two, verse four, it tells us that God's kindness is what leads us towards repentance. And to repent means that you recognize the sin that you are doing and that you are repenting, you are seeking forgiveness and turning away from that sin. So God's kindness isn't simply him being nice to us, it's his kindness is purposeful and it draws us back to him and it changes us. this is important because I can tend to turn kindness into my being a good Christian woman checklist. am I being kind? Check. But the gospel says something much deeper than that. God has been kind to me first, and his kindness is changing the way I respond to other people. Galatians 5.22 calls kindness fruit of the spirit. Fruit isn't something that we manufacture, it's evidence of something living is happening inside of us, and that is the power of the Holy Spirit. So when I see kindness growing in my life, I should be praising God, not myself. I also think that kindness means seeing the person in front of me as someone made in God's image rather than an interruption on my agenda. this one happens to me often and I'm getting ready to go back to school and I just know that I'm gonna need to be practicing this. So in Micah six eight it gives us such a beautiful picture of this doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with our God. Notice it isn't just about Doing kind things. We're called to love kindness. there's something happening in our heart, not just in our behavior. and people can feel it when you are just being nice to be nice. whereas if you are just a kind person, it is more about your demeanor and your motives behind it, too, I would say. and this is where the word cost matters. So kindness may cost me time. it's it may cost me convenience. It might cost me being right in that moment. It may cost me getting the last word in. Sometimes it costs me laying down my own preferences because loving someone matters more. We were just talking about this as a family, especially with Travis and him with his food preferences at dinner time. and we're using the word tolerance and you know it's not that he doesn't like when he says he doesn't like something, it doesn't mean that he won't eat it. And so we were talking about how else could we respond and how can you be kind when mom has spent her time and her efforts creating this meal for the family. And so we talked about how sometimes you have to lay down your own preferences. in order to love someone else more. And so if kindness requires us to lay down our preferences, our time and sometimes our pride, it's no wonder we struggle with it, especially when life is moving quickly and we're already running on empty. So Nicole, why is this kind of kindness so hard to live on? kindness is let me do that again. Nicole, why is this kind of kindness so hard to live out? Great question. And I have some I have some feedback Kindness is hard because it always costs something. and we live in a world that rewards speed and self-protection, not sacrifice. So being nice is free, where being kind asks for our time, our effort, and our plans. So we also confuse niceness with kindness. So niceness is a pleasant surface, and kindness is a costly action. and the two are not the same, even though we treat them like they are. And so it is almost always inconvenient. kindness interrupts our schedule. I know it does for me sometimes when I want to be able to speed things up and get things done. and I mean it there's an effort to kindness. you know, it interrupts our budgets at times, it interrupts our margin of our life and it rarely shows up at the moment we it really shows up at the moment we would have chosen for so we are wired to protect ourselves so putting someone else's need ahead of our own comfort sorry this is like really I'm a derby today I think I'm going blind okay we might cut all of that out of here we are wired to protect ourselves So putting someone else's need ahead of our own comfort cuts against our grain that we are taught we are raised to be able to do. So real kindness asks us to lay something down, and everything in us resists that. And most of us are only naturally kind to the people who can be kind back. So kindness to someone difficult, ungrateful, or unable to repay is where we all hit our limit. And I think that we both have been you know, in that situation. And I know that all of our listeners have too. And that's where the kindness hits the hardest. And that's where we're supposed to be kind. Part of why it gets hard is is that we quietly turn kindness into a performance, keeping a scorecard of who deserves it. And whether anyone noticed it. And so the book that I've been reading that we've kind of talked about through the last couple episodes is Peace Over Perfection. And faith names this pull in peace over perfection as how prone we are to lean on our own goodness instead of resting in God's goodness. When I forget how freely He has been kind to me. My kindness toward my kindness towards others turns stingy and conditional. And that's something to really sit on. And that, you know, for me specifically, impatience is my first reaction, not kindness. And it comes out first with the people closest to me. I I mean, let's just be brutally honest, James gets the brunt ahead. Then follows the kids. the ones who get whatever is left at the end of the day for me. And that's just not where mom is very kind. So that's definitely something that I've been working on. and part of me wants to be seen being kind because that's the worldly part of all of us that we want to be noticed as the kind person doing these things. The hidden kind though, the kind no one notices or thinks me for is so much harder than the kind that keeps a little applause that we get from all of our. our all of our friends and our family. And I think of Jonah so angry that God showed kindness to I'm gonna say this name wrong. Nineveh? Okay. All right. God showed kindness to Nineveh that he sat outside the city sulking about it. And I do that in smaller ways and quietly deciding who I think deserves my kindness and who does not. And I have to be able to take that and completely throw that out the window because that is not how God wants us to be. And there is the priest and the Levite in the story of the Good Samaritan. This is chapter 10 from Luke, who saw the wounded man and crossed to the other side, busy, distracted, and self-protective. And so we have all crossed to the other side when stopping would have been what cost us something. And that's where we have to throw that whole perspective out the window and be kind, like God wants us to be kind. And when kindness is that hard for us, it rarely stays tucked away in our hearts. It leaks out into our homes, our tone, and the people we love the most. So what does it actually look like when our kindness falls short? Well, my kindness never falls short. Just kidding. sometimes my lack of kindness isn't dramatic. like you said, it's a tone. It's a sigh, an impatient response. and a look that says, Are you seriously asking me that right now? and you know, it's those moments where my family calls me out on it. And I mean, there'll be times where I'll do an impatient response and or a sigh, and Travis goes, Mom, are you okay? And then I'm able to kind of check myself. and those little moments matter because kindness is often communicated before we even say a word. so Proverbs 31, 26 says that she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. I love that picture because kindness isn't just about something she occasionally does, it has become a part of the way she communicates. and sometimes I can be helpful without actually being kind. so what I mean is I can accomplish a task but communicate frustration. I can serve, but I make sure everyone knows how much it costs me. I do the right thing while my heart is completely in the wrong place for it. and this is something that I encourage not just myself, especially with going back to work. And it's hard because we're you know, having our wonderful summer and going back to the grind, but realizing and even encouraging others to make sure that we practice what we preach and that we have this moment of rest, but we are also called to work. And so we should be coming into it rejuvenated and ready and refreshed. And this is where God has work has to work on me. Not just Lord help me behave better. But Lord, change what is happening in my heart. So that's just an overflow. Romans 2, one through 4 is particularly convicting because Paul warns us against judging others while practicing similar things ourselves, being hypocritical. So God's kindness toward me should make me more humble, not more judgmental. and instead of asking why are they acting like this, I can ask, Lord, how are you asking me to respond to this person? and when I recognize that I've responded poorly, repentance is part of kindness too. It's that follow-up of making sure that you apologize, that you have the power to repair that situation, to ask for forgiveness and try again. the goal isn't pretending we've become perfectly kind. because that's unable to happen. The goal is becoming increasingly sensitive to the spirit's conviction and increasingly willing to respond differently. That change needs to be in your behavior. For me, we like we talked about, it's being kind in public and short at home, warm with a stranger and impatient with the very people who live under my roof. And that's that's really the hardest for me. and it looks like doing the kind thing with the sign, like you said. And if you ask my mom, I have it at work all the time and I don't even realize that I do it. is the second I hear somebody come into my office, I have this deep side that I do. And I it's hard to explain because it's not in patience. It's but I can see where they think that I'm annoyed. I'm resetting my brain to stop what I'm doing and being able to then pick up from where they're wanting to talk to me. And I figured out that I had to explain that to my people at work. Is is that I'm not trying to be impatient with you and I'm not annoyed that you walk into my office, but it's a deep sigh that I'm just trying to figure out that I can shut this off and be able to sit and have a conversation. but you know, it's it's being able to really it looks like keeping score. I keep saying that, and maybe it's the competitiveness in me and the sports related things lately going on, but Quietly remembering who has and has not been kind to me, you know, who's the deserving and who's not the deserving, and rationalizing it in my mind of, well, unfortunately this manager wasn't nice to me. So why do I have to be kind to him? The book that I'm currently reading is talking about this. And there's a whole chapter about kindness of being able to sit back and stop keeping score and being able to think of the past. And that they had a great metaphor of God created the windshield so big and a rearview mirror so tiny for a reason. We have to stop thinking of what happened in the past and being able to move forward into our path that God wants us to be. And I felt like that was such a great metaphor of being able to realize that no matter what somebody did to you, it doesn't matter because God doesn't care about any of that. It is about how we are supposed to be like Christ and be able to move forward and be kind just like we're supposed to be doing. So what studies me is remembering how kind God has been with me on the days I've deserved it least. And his kindness towards me was never a reward for my behavior. And that is exactly why I have to give it anyway. And thankfully, we are not left staring at everything we get wrong. And Jesus does not tell us to be kind. He shows us what real kindness looks like and he becomes the source of it in us. And so what does Jesus show us about this kindness? Well, I chose Ephesians 4. 32 to discuss it. So it says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. So just like you were saying, Nicole, with how it really doesn't come from our behavior, but really it comes from who Christ is and because of his forgiveness for us and because of his loving kindness to us. So this verse gives us that source and the standard for Christian kindness. We're kind as God in Christ has been kind to us. Jesus didn't wait until we became lovable before he loved us. He didn't wait until we cleaned ourselves up before extending mercy. He moved toward us in our sin. He died for us even as we were sinners. And that's what makes Christian kindness different from simply being a nice person. We don't have to earn God's kindness and we're not supposed to make other people earn ours. Christ's kindness towards us changes the posture from what do they deserve to how can I reflect what Christ has already given me? And so also just thinking that, you know, I think about my own impatience and my own selfishness, the gospel doesn't leave me in shame in those things either. It leads me to repentance. Then it sends me back out with grace. so just as teaching Jesus is teaching me that kindness isn't primarily about having a naturally gentle personality, because I wouldn't say I have a natural gentle personality. However, it is about becoming more like him. And this is why Galatians 5 calls kindness a fruit of the spirit. I mean they. The Holy Spirit is producing something in us that we cannot produce through sheer effort. we cannot keep trying harder to become more kind. and I think that this is such an important distinction for grounded growth. We're not trying to become women who perform kindness better. We're becoming women who abide in Christ more deeply and his character begins showing up in the way that we live. Well said. Thanks. So if kindness is something the spirit grows in us, then we don't have to wait for a different personality or perfect calm day. We can begin practicing a different response right now in the middle of the life we're living. So how do we actually grow in this an everyday life? Well I have some practical things. Of course you do. I'm so excited. And they all start with K's. I don't know if you notice that. So okay so first keep your eyes open. So kindness starts with noticing the tired cashier, the friend who suddenly went quiet, or the child who just needs a minute of your time. look up from your phone and your to-do list to actually see who's in front of you. that's one that I'm really working on. and most kind moments are missed, not refused. So we simply were just not paying attention. So Ask God to help you see that one person today the way He sees them. Number two, kneel before you give. You cannot pour out kindness you have not first received. Start the day letting God be kind to you. Lisa Bereve writes an adamant about dealing with our own hearts before God first and then releasing his kindness, mercy, and hope to the people who need it. We give out what we have received first. Kindness done in your own strength runs out faster and usually comes out with a sigh. And time in his presence is what refills the well, so you actually have something to give. Number three, keep it quiet. Do one kind thing this week that no one will ever know about. And do not tell a soul. Jesus said, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. And that's Matthew chapter six. Hidden kindness keeps your heart clean. And in a sermon of on shepherding, Pastor Dave. told about a rural pastor who quietly bought groceries for a sick, struggling family and only said, What am I, the shepherd? That is what unseen kindness looks like. And God sees what is done in secret, and His is the only audience that matters. Number four, keep going when it costs you. Real kindness almost always arrives at inconvenient times. Give the time the ride. The help anywhere. Our pastor put it plainly in a sermon on bearing one another's burdens that we should serve someone in a way that actually costs us something. Because That is the gospel fruit, not just moralism. So small and sacrificial beats, big and admired. God sees the cup of cold water, no one else notices. And that's Matthew chapter 10, verse 42. So if it never costs you anything, it might just be politeness wearing kindness's name. Number five, keep no scoreboard. Okay? Be kind to the people who can never pay you back. And to the ones who have not been kind to you. Luke 6 says, God is kind even to the ungrateful, and we look the most like Him right there. Grace was never something we earned. And so We can hand out kindness the same way we received it, unearned. And give it freely with no quiet tally of who owes you what and who does not. And last but not least, number six, kindle it at home first. This is my big, my big one. The hardest place to be kind is often in our own house with the people who get the worn-out version of ourselves, especially worn-out mamas, especially with school starting. So let your family get you first. And your best kindness, not just the leftovers at the end of the day anymore. The people who see the real you deserve more than what the public gets to see in that best behavior. A soft answer, a patient tone at home, preaches louder than anything you could ever post about. I absolutely love all those. Thank you. That was so good. My personal one is number four. Keep going when it costs you. Because sometimes it's hard not to get burnt out or to be burnt. and so I think that that was that was one I'm gonna be working on for sure. and I love that they all start with K. That was beautiful. maybe the encouragement I need most when I think about kindness, I don't have to become a completely different person overnight. I can surrender one reaction. One conversation, one interruption, and one opportunity at a time. And this is a fruit of spirit that grows. It produces and producing takes time. and you know, it takes time to harvest and it takes time to grow things that matter. And so I just think that we need to kind of remember that it's okay to grow slow, and that it's progress over perfection. One hundred percent. And I think with that, that wraps up and just kind of our cl closing encouragement. I have tons that I want to be able to say, but I think if you take anything from today's podcast take this. Kindness that looks like Jesus is not about being nice. It is about letting his love spill out of you in ways that actually cost you something. And that you do not have to overhaul your whole life. Okay. Pick one person this week and do one kind thing that is a little inconvenient and just let that be enough for you this week. I would say that while working on this outline for this podcast, I was very convicted and encouraged at the same time because I was convicted because I see how quickly my kindness disappears when I'm overwhelmed. and stressed out. But I was also encouraged because that conviction actually gave me evidence that God is still working in me. and I was able to apologize for my reaction instead of a kinder response. and so I just think that, you know, reminding us too that when we react selfishly, I can stop and say, Lord, you've been so kind to me. Help me extend that same kindness in person. And so I think that just realizing that we are growing, that it is a constant moving forward. And actually Pastor Josh Powerton calls it failing forward and maybe the challenges that that I'll leave myself with this week is that when I'm under the wire and when I become overwhelmed, when I am in getting it done mode. Will I remember that the person in front of me matters more than the task in front of me? Because sometimes the most Christ-like thing that I can do isn't accomplish more, is simply to slow down, look at the person in front of me, and choose kindness. So that's a wrap. And next week, on Grounded Growth, we're continuing our fruit that last series with goodness in the unseen moments. We'll talk about the kind of goodness. That isn't about being noticed or applauded, but about faithfully choosing what is right when no one else is watching. Bye. Bye. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Stephanie Petry: Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, stay grounded and keep growing. Nicole Ghirardi: stay grounded and keep growing.