Latest / The Breakfast Club / INTERVIEW: Eboni K. Williams Defends Her Comments On Black Women's Market Value, Fertility Challenges + More

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INTERVIEW: Eboni K. Williams Defends Her Comments On Black Women's Market Value, Fertility Challenges + More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Morning.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Everybody is the j n V.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Charlemagne and God. We are the Breakfast Club. We have
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Laura La Rosa here, our special guest host, and we
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: got a special guest with us today. We had a
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: topic of talking about some statements that she said, ladies
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: and gentlemen, Williams.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: Don't nobody stir it up?
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: What's up, Envy? What's up? Sharp morning? Good morning, Envy.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: I was going to be very very pissed and disappointed
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: if you weren't skyping in so good. Why well, because
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I didn't know if I'd ever be back up here
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: to be candid.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Why it was.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: It was? It was tight last time.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but God is good.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: I came with my godly own. You don't godly on
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: We're good. It's really God is good.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I would say this. You know, every time we have
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: a conversation, we're always not going to agree, but you're
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: always invited up here regardless. I mean, we're not gonna
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: agree on everything. But the best thing about us is
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: just having a conversation. So never think that you can't
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: come up here for something. You say, No, that's what
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: these conversations and these platforms are about.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I'm half playing, but it's a good point, and it's
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: it's worth saying out loud. So I appreciate that.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And I love you, sister. I don't want you to
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: think I don't love you. I love you for real.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I appreciate everything that you do.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: And it's just like anything else. You go hardest in
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: the paint with your family.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: So in the paint and then the paint that's on
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: your face, and shut up.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: I'm happy to you here.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Yesterday.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: I would love to have a conversation with you about
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: the video.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: Now, what's the topic of conversation.
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: I feel like this is a conversation that men shouldn't
• 1:22
  Speaker 5: even be involved in.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: What is the gist of the conversation?
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: It's not for you, Charlemagne. So I'm glad that you
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: said that this is a conversation for ladies. And I
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: texted my good friend Charlemagne. I said, it's a friend
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: of the show. I heard the conversation yesterday. I appreciated
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: the critique and the constructive nature of it, and I said,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: you know, send something down the street on the train.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Let me pull up, and I want to hear from you,
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Lauren about what you agree with and what you disagree
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: with and have a lady's conversation about let's do it.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So I think for me, I'll start with the
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: what I disagree with?
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Well, Kim first, for people that don't know, you want
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: to you want to play the clip of of what
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: went viral so people understand.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: That reality is that our marriage and partnership market value
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: is depreciating with every passing year. No matter how good
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: we look, no matter how fit we are, men are
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: still seeing primarily our presumed dwindling fertility as a knock
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: against us. So here's my advice. If you are a
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: young Black woman in college and you know in your
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: heart and in your head that you want to prioritize family,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I suggest that you simultaneously pursue that mrs degree right
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: along with that BA or JD. Because a handful of
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: black college age men that actually do desire to get
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: married soon, and they do share that value system and
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: family is a priority for them too. Y'all. That is
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: an incredibly small pool, and it's shrinking as you get older,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: and by the time you reach my age forty, you
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: will be faced with different choices relating to life, partnership,
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: and motherhood.
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: So I think, all right, so breaking it down into
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: what I agree and what I disagree with. So the
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: disagreeing for me came with the starting with the infertility
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: and the uh, the market value they're appreciating. So with
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: the infertility, I know some I said this yesterday, some
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: stuff is science, right, you can't get around that. But
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: I feel like when you start with that and you
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: lead with that, it then makes people get defensive and
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: they don't even hear the rest of it. I know,
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: when I first listened to it, I was like, oh God,
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: this is going to be another one of those conversations
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: where like someone's telling me, as a woman, by the
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: time you get this age, your life is over. And
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: you know when you're when you're like trying to figure
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: things out and you're like, I'm thirty one years old, right,
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: Like I'm recently out of a very long relationship. You
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: want to feel not.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: A Charlamagne Jesus, but I feel there's life after go ahead.
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: But that's my point. It's like for me, I made
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: a very conscious decision with a lot of things in
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: my life going to college, being in the relationship that
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: I was in, not being in that relationship with my
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: like recent you know, back and forth to East coast
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: West coast, Like I've always had to be very conscious
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: and cognitant of the fact that, like you know, as
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: a woman, as a black woman, right, especially working in
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: the space that I work in, I might not get
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: that that other chance, Like I gotta do it right
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: the first time. And I think talking about professionally, professionally
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: and personally, okay, and only because.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: That's what are your personal goals? Just so we're clear.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Do you want marriage?
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: Person I want married?
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: I want yes, family foundation, I want all of that.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: I don't even have a number of kids. Once we start,
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: we start just.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: That.
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: But yeah, but yes, I'm going to be an amazing mom.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: But I just feel like when you lead with the
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: stuff that you lead with, it instantly turns the conversation negative.
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: And for someone like me who is watching and learning
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: and listening to you, it makes it where now I
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: am defensive. I don't want to watch, listen and learn.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: I don't hear the rest of what you're saying, So
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: now I'm not being taught, and I should feel like
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: I can listen to you and learn from you and
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: not feel like you're the op right, And that's how
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: it's starts off when you instantly are telling me everything
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: negative about what I already am facing every single day.
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: And I think that that's a big part of it too.
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: It's like when you put certain truths in front of people,
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: it hurts, people don't want to hear it. But beyond that,
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: you can't get around the infertility. The second thing was
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: the market value, right, I don't agree. I don't know
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: where you were at thirty one, but for me, I
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: feel like I'm just now getting to the space where
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: like the people that I'm able to or not even
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: able to, but the people that I'm dating, the life
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: experiences that I'm experiencing that are teaching me what I want,
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: what I don't want. I'm right now in the best
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: space that I've ever been in. And that wasn't me
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: in college. I didn't know what I wanted in college.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: I didn't know who I was. In college. I seen nothing,
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: haven't done anything. Also, I didn't agree with that, But.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just because you put two big ones out
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: and let's break them down before we get ahead of ourselves. Okay,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: so you're thirty one years old, a college educated woman
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: enjoying a very successful career in a high profile space.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: I'm going to put my hands together for all of that. Now,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: when I say market value depreciating, Lauren, did you hear
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: what I said before that, Did you hear the specificity
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: of the particular marketplace I'm speaking about?
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: No, which was that?
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Okay, So I want to just go back actually to
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: your first point, Lauren, which I think you are conceding
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: that you had a reaction to my commentary that was
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: so fisceral in nature that you actually shut down your
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: listening comprehension skills. He said that, Okay, So because of that, though, right,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to sit in a posture of ownership
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: because you made a choice to be limited in the
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: way in which you received and process the information. Now,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: you are grown woman, and you have autonomy over what
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: you choose to consume and what you choose to not consume.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: So when I was giving the advice the strategy the game,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: putting you know, certain people up on some game, I'm
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: talking to a very limited pool of young black ladies,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: the ones that are currently in school or immediately following
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: school or graduate school. And then the other caveat, I'll say,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: the other place this information is in real time relevant
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: to are the mothers or even the fathers of those
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: young women. That's who this is for. So you, this
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: is actually not even applicable to you, Lauren. So you know, no,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: let me finish.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: No I have to finish, because no, no, no, to finish.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: I just want to wait before you finish your thoughts.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: I just want to, like, let's rewind a little bit,
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: because I also think to the reason why people also
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: because not just me or the people, because even the
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: people it's meant for, I'm sure some of them did
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: the same exact thing as well. They're not right and
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: some deny because not right? Right because you read all
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: the comments, right, yeah, I did. What I think happens
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: is with you and I saying this in the most
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: respectful way. I think that the way that you approach
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: things like even this conversation right now, it can make
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: it does that it dilutes the whole point of you
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: for you talking to me specifically, I agree with certain
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: parts of it, but I think that the my whole
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: point is what I'm saying right because right now I
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: feel like you're taking what I didn't agree with and
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: the fact that I don't remember specific words or whatever I'm.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Not, Lauren, really, I really think this would be better
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: served and more productive if just like it's kind of
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: like an opening statement in a court of law. I
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: gave you a good amount of time to lay out
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: two prongs of disagreement, and I respect and appreciate both
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: of your positions. I'm not saying they are wrong, Okay,
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: and be messy. I'm not saying they're wrong at all,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: But I am saying that I don't know how productive
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: it is to be the time manner and delivery police. Right.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: So when we talk about and also the nature of
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: this work that we all do in this space of
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: media and journalists, whatever we want to call it, right,
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: it's very subjective in nature. So for everybody, Lauren that
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: takes your position, which is very valid, it was visceral
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: to me. I found it triggering. It felt hurtful, I
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: felt attacked, I felt policed, I felt shit it on whatever.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: It is also a whole nother contingency of black women
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: that felt seen by that commentary that fell heard. I
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: had sores coming up to me. We had a fundraiser
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: shout out to the PI Kapa Mega Chapter of Alpha
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Kapa office already incorporated Ski. We had a fundraiser that
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: very night that that commentary dropped, and I had sores
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: coming up to me who are more in my age group, right,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Because that's the first thing we need to acknowledge. Lauren
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: and I are not the same age. There's a good
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: ten years between me and this lovely young lady. So
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I'm speaking from a purview of experience that looks a
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: bit different. Not vastly so, but a bit different. I agree,
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: And my peers who are fortying up are like I
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: wish someone would have told me. And the fact that
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: you are doing the labor Ebany, you are doing the
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: service of letting young girls that are currently in position
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: to put themselves in best practices because they are currently
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: in school or graduate school or shortly thereafter matters. And
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: it's good that somebody is rolling up their sleeves and
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: doing the work and having the conversation publicly that quiet
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: as kept many pockets of black elite culture are having
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: with their children generationally every day. Many of my peers, Lauren,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: when I went to UNC Chapel Hill, who were black
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: just like me and you, right, they were taught going
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: into the front end of freshman year, keep your eyes open,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: you know, get those grades, get that degree. I expect
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: you to go to medical school or law school or PhD.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: And also if you want the traditional model, and that's
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: a big if. This is going to be the best
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: time to be surrounded by the highest concentration of black
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: men that are also pursuing the educational and fiscal model
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: that you are and you desire. And it's really no
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: more or less than that.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I don't disci but only.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: One second, guys. On the one second, ladies, we got
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: to take a break, so we'll come back, and we
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: also want to take some calls eight hundred five one
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: and if you just join us, that's Laura Laosa, she's
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: our special guest host today and Ebony Kay Williams is
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: up here.
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: I think it's very important when we come back, let's
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: talk about what we agree with in this.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: Compet to that too, because I don't want you to
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: feel like because what, yeah, we.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Don't come back.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: All right, it's the Breakfast Club. Good morning. So now
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: right before we left, I cutle of you guys off
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: so we can pay some bills and get some music on.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: So I know everybody came. Williams you were talking.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I was so I was acknowledging Lauren's right right to
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: consume content that she enjoys and feels comfortable with and
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: also reject that which she doesn't because her critique at
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: this point, I understand is it's a bit about my
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: It's about my delivery as much as the substance of
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. And I was asking you about the
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: last time you had a conversation with a man about
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: what he values in women, because I want to be
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: very clear, Laurinn, because you make a really good point
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: that I think was misconstrued by a few. I am
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: in no way saying that the market value a life
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: of black women is depreciating as we age, as we
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: get more edge, as we get more fiscally fit, as
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: we buy properties, as we build in our careers. Our
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: market value in life, Lauren, is ascending beyond the greatest
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: heights of God. But I'm talking about the dating market.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about how men are perceiving us in terms
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: of marketplace value for their partnership desires. So let's have
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: that conversation. If you don't mind, what do you think
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: most hetero We're just gonna kind of focus on black
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: men and black women for the sake of this conversation,
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: for this moment, what do you think most hetero educated
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: black men are looking for in a woman partner?
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: Come on, lord, Kevin Sami's prepared you for this.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Stop Let the dead rest in p Charlemagne.
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: I think age does come into it. I think that
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: they're looking younger. I think that they want someone who
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: is like very supportive across all across the board, like
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: my man is my king type of thing.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: How about availability?
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: Availability is also a thing as well too. I also
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: think that especially when you start talking about like men
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: who are like planning for like family and things of
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: that nature. Sure they definitely want somebody that is going
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: to be, when you talk about availability, be able to
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: really tend to family, to keep like all of that stuff. Like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: I think that that is very important. I don't necessarily
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: think that the men that I've had conversations with recently
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: are upfront and honest about that.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: So they're lying, yeah, on the same page, not at all.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: But let's just make a pause on that though, just
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: for the sake of not we understand that, but let's
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: kind of expand that. So what Lauren is saying and
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: it's very important is that oftentimes men like to be
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: the good guy? Right? Can we just acknowledge that men
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: for despite their behaviors and choices and the way they
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: oftentimes show up in the world. You notice, like a
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: man will keep a girlfriend have fifteen million side chicks
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: because why he don't want to be the bad guy
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: and break up with his girlfriend. That's the kind of
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: stuff men tend to do, right, And I can spoiler
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: alert it does not get better as they age anyway.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: So I believe that men mean well when they say
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: they're looking for their Michelle Obama, when they say they're
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: looking for the Beyonce to their jay Z, but they're lying.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: They can't they can't handle that ego rise as well.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to set go in that direction. What
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: I am going to say is what they prioritize are
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: the things you just laid out. They want a woman
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: who is accommodating to them. They want a woman who,
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: especially more successful men. They want a woman that when
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: they say, hey, yo, I'm going to the South of
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: France for two weeks, pack your bag, let's go. Let
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: me tell you what they don't want to hear. Lauren
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Oh I got to go to La to shoot Judge
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Eponye for three days. Oh, I got to go be
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: at a conference in Florida for Black women attorneys gathering. Oh,
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I got to go to sobrity thing.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: It's not like based on a true story.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: It's all based on true story.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I went Charlamage s let these women talk please. Yeah.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: No, no, But I'm gonna hate said that because when
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: you when you said that, I'm like, damn, so she yes,
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: lived experience, Yes, you got some some background, like personally.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a vulnerability in this conversation that I really
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: want people to feel right now because.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: Because and then you're just pointing out the delivery. Yeah,
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: point that I was trying to make earlier in your delivery.
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: And I know content right, and I understand what you do.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: You're really good at what you do content wise, always
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: cross the beach. I don't know, but I think I
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: think for me, like when I say that I disagree
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: with those things that we talked about, what I wanted
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: to make clear earlier was and I think we kind
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: of got to this me disagreeing doesn't mean that what
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: you're saying to me is just like, oh, this is
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: BS oh, this isn't true because what I just said
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: goes to a lot of the points that you made.
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: I think that the disagreement again comes in with how
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: you say it, and we don't get that vulnerability right.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: So me sitting here with you right now is like,
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: this is what I want to feel when I see
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: the content. I might not always get that though, and
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: maybe it's not like you said. It wasn't for me,
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: it was for the girls that's still in college, right,
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: But at the same time, it's placed on my timeline.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: So I get it and I feel it, and I
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: stop and I listen either way.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: But I'm glad you do. Shout out to the team
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: at the grille.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Go ahead.
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: But but I was going to get to that. But
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: what I did agree with was the fact, like when
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: you started talking about the pool of men getting smaller
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: when it comes to those men who men who will
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: be honest about what they when it comes to the
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: family a woman, they are actually worth the time, the energy.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: It's it's consistent, you're getting the same energy that you're
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: putting out. It does get smaller as you get older.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: And like, now that I'm out here in the dating world,
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: I'm like oh, okay.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Keep in mind, you're only thirty thirty one, so it's
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: like as you get to forty, the pole the pool
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: has shrunk further, fifty even more so. And I've dated.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: I'm having a man from fifty. I'm having a men.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Listen, I'm not even I actually believe in the power
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: of the tongue. So I believe. So you speak, so
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: you you have and you will desire. I do want
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: to speak to the fertility park because it's very important.
• 16:39
  Speaker 6: It is.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: As I sit here with y'all today, you know I'm
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: literally on some fertility drugs. I am preparing for my
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: embryo transfer in the next few weeks. Now. I am
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: forty years old, just turned forty a couple of weeks ago.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Y'all know, I've been very transparent about my motherhood journey.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: I'm doing it solo by choice. Y'all know, a froze
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: eggs at thirty four years old. I'm doing this. I'm
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: excited to be a mom. I'm scared as hell. I
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: know it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: done in my life, and yet I cannot wait to
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: enter this mother era of my life. And also Lauren
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I don't think this is how most black women want
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: to do it.
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: Why solo by choice?
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Well, several reasons. Number one, I'm no longer willing to
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: wait to activate my pursuit of motherhood. I'm no longer
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: willing to wait. I've been married and divorced in my
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: late twenties. I had also a long term relationship many
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: years ago. I ended up engagement during the pandemic. I'm
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: ready for my baby. I am ready to build my
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: legacy in this way. I am ready to pour into
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: someone other than me. Finally, it took me a very
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: long time to get here. But when she's ready, she ready. Okay. Now,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: I don't think that most women, most black women, desire
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: doing this journey alone. I don't. It's very important. And
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I know that you mentioned yesterday the egg freezing, So
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: let's talk about that because I think that that is marketed.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Not just you, Lauren, I think in general, that is
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: an a lot of these comments. Right, well, girl, just
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: freeze your eggs and don't worry about the rest. Now
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: that's some bullshit, because I'm here to tell you because
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: I'm living it. Right. I frozeggs at thirty four. I
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: never thought in a million years, I would need to
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: use them, right because why I was in a loving,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: committed relationship. These were my spare Have you frozen eggs
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: at this point, dude?
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: No, I thought about doing it last year. I thought
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: about starting the process.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, So let me just and this is not investigative,
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: this is I'm just trying to see something here. Do
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: you know how many eggs on average a woman should
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: have on ice on reserve frozen for a probability of
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: one live birth? No, I don't about twenty. Then if
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: I say, okay, how many egg retrievals are required to
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: get about twenty eggs and a woman that's say thirty
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: five and up, the answer is at least two. What's
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: the cost average of an egg retrieval? Amy probably knows this,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: but he knows it's between twelve and fifteen thousand dollars
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: per retrieval cycle.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Got Most assurances don't cover Most of do.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Not cover unless you working at Google or Amazon. And
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: by the way, you probably need to be married for
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: them to cover it. Otherwise they consider it elective. They
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: don't recognize it as infertility in the way that married
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: couples that struggle to conceive half. So what I'm saying
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: is the egg freezing route, the single motherhood by Choice route,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: the IVF route are amazing technological tools, Lauren, but they
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: are wealthy women tools period. Let's be very clear, that
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: is a rich woman option if you are. And nobody's
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: more important to me and our society than our educators. Right.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: So let's say I'm talking to my soul who's a
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: teacher in Memphis, Tennessee, who's probably on average making sixty
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: five to seventy five thousand dollars a year doing most
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: something of the most incredible work of our community. Where's
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: that sister getting thirty thousand dollars for two retrievals or
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: even fifteen thousand for one. And that's before I've done
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: a transfer. That's before I've had a failed transfer and
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: having to do another one, which MB has experienced, you know,
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: and thank god they had a healthy baby subsequent that naturally.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: But you see what I'm saying, it's just more to
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: it than just freezing egg.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: I think with that part, for me, I was speaking
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: from my own personal experience, and I think that like
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: hearing you respond to it, I can understand your response
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: to what I said, But I think maybe I should
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: have been a little bit more clear because for.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Me at that at the money, at that.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: Time, when I was thinking about doing it, it was
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: because the insurance that I was getting through my employer
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: supported that to a certain extent where anything like, yes,
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: it is expensive, but I would have been able to
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: figure it out.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: So I would think you should still do it. I
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: want that to I don't want that missed here. I'm
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: still encouraging you to do I will.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: Say I got a little bit. I got like scared
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: out of it a little bit only because of God,
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: don't do that, but but more so because of what
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: like MV shared with me, what you talked about, like
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: going through all of that and then it I'll go
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: with you to not work, right.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: I'll go with you. We could talk about I'm very
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: serious really so so I'm saying two things here, and
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: this is important this conversation, y'all. People have got I
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: encourage people, I'll say, to hold space for more than
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: one thing at one time. Y, I am saying.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: And that was that was my reasoning, right, because well,
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: first I me get back to one thing. So then
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: you talked about the people with the resources who were
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: able or not able to do it because of financial reasons. Right.
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: And when I heard you say the women in college,
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: because another issue that that that I agreed with but
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: people some people were like oh about was because I
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: think the headlines didn't help, right, because what the headlines
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: are saying is like Evan y. K. Williams is saying,
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: why you're in college, you also should be trying to
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: get a ring tour like people if there's a big
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: ISSU pointed that out, because that that matters, right, if.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: That is one of your primary goals, if you choose that.
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: But this is but I think when you said that
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: with the women in college, I thought about me and
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: my friends in college. Right, while we're in college, we
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: don't have the money to do that, but when we graduated,
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: we all became very successful in our careers financially doing well.
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: We had that resource because we were black women who
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: took the time to get our education and then apply
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: it to what we wanted in life. So I instantly
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: put those women in that category. So I didn't even
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: think about the people who weren't financially able, because I
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: thought that the people that you were speaking to. Back
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: to your point of who you were talking to were
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: women that one day would be able to do it.
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: And the reason why I was like that, that's not
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: what I wanted to hear was because I felt like,
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: how I've been spoken to is like people will tell
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: you not to do things right because they will say, Okay,
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: well it's going to be financially hard or where will
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: you get the resources? And it's like, why can't I
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: afford to do it?
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Like yeah, but you understand clearly if you've I'm not
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: sure for how familiar you are with my content, Lauren,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: but the folks here in this room that are Everything
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I talk about is about prosperity and living a first
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: class American, wealthy existence for black folks period.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: I know that you do that, but what what I
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: When I hear that, and I know how people will
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: take it in the conversation will run. Some people will
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: take it and the conversation will run. They may not
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: know that and they may not present it that way.
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: So now to me, I said, I feel like I
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: put a dark cloud because now you're like, Okay, these
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: women are in college, and then most of the the
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: I know I'm a black woman, So when I'm hearing that,
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: I'm instantly like, okay, people are going to use this
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: to be like the black women who graduate with the degrees,
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: they don't have those options because of ABC and D
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: number one being financial right and that side of conversation.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I don't want no no necessarily, So I think that's
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: so interesting saying that that's the way you heard it.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I believe that's the way you heard it. But I
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: think that there are also people that hear it the
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: complete opposite way, lor and we have to make the
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: space for that. I hear you saying you heard my
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: commentary in general, and you heard a woman advocating for
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: a glass being half full, they're excuse me, half empty rather,
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: And then there are those that heard what I was
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: saying it was like, shit, that's some great perspective. I
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: wish someone would have told me when I was positioned
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: to do something about it. I am certainly going to
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: advance this piece of advice and commentary to my children,
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: or the kids in my church, or the kids in
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: my you know, Jack and Jail chapters or whatever in
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: the world, and making sure that they have this piece
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: of knowledge or optionality that I've never had because no
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: one ever told me. And they're seeing it as the
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: glass half full.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: And I love that for them. But do you feel
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: like the blogs and a lot of people that reported
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: on it picked it up that way?
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: I think the la Times did.
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: And I feel like whatever you just said now is
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: very important. All Ebany is saying is this isn't ideal
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: and you don't want it.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: It's not it's not you don't.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: Want folks to have to necessarily go through.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: That for me. Let me just reiterate that, because that's
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: very important, because this is this is these these takes
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: are very high, Lauren. I'm fifty thousand dollars into IVF
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: journey by myself, so I don't have a husband splitting
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: that with me, which I which there's reasons why that's
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: preferable for me. But I really need people to hear that.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: And I'm taking shots and I'm giving them to myself,
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: and I'm doing all this to bring life into this world.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: And I don't take it lightly because it's a very
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: serious thing. So I think when we were very cavalier,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: not not just you, right, but in general, with oh
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: just IVF or oh just marry outside the race obviously
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: been there, done that too. That that well, I heard
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: some snow no King commentary.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Hold of guys, guy. We got to take some calls.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: We got to take some calls. We got to take some.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: Calls because if you watch, if you listen, Okay, let's go.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: We got to take some calls when we come back.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: And I just want to say this. I just want
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: to say this. Most people don't know what what Ebany's
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: going through right now with the with the in vitro fertility.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: No because because most people haven't been through it, and
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: the fact that.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: People that listen to hold the court every day.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: But the fact that she has to do it by
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: herself is a lot. Like she has to put them
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: shots in her stomach and and and all that by herself,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Most people don't know it. Like I can't
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: even imagine if my wife had to do it by herself,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: or a woman having to do it by herself and
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: goes through those doctors appointment. So it is a lot
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: room by yourself.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: It's a lot.
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: I can't imagine that.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: It's transfer. We'll talk, will take some calls when we
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: come back.
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: I got to talk about this stuff that we agreed
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: with too, because a lot of people agree.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: With something that you should have callers get to some
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: of it.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: But but we man got all that much time. Guys,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: five five one, five one, let's go. It's the breakfast
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: level morning morning. Everybody is tj NV Charlamagne to God.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: We are a breakfast club. Our special guest host Laura
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: la Rossa is here, and Ebony K. Williams is still here.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: We're having a grown up discussion this morning, and we're
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: opening up the phone line. We're gonna let h you
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: guys out there get a chance to chop it up
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: with Ebony K. Williams. All right, eight hundred and five
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: A five one oh, five to one, and we just
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: want to say it's a respectful conversation. So as soon
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: as the disrespect happens, we're banging on you right right now.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, let's rovigate has happened. We're on to something else.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Now you stop it. Charlemagne, Hello, who's this?
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: Good morning?
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Chris?
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Hey, Chris, this is I don't even I.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Don't want to hear from any man. This is not
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: a ment a conversation for men to co op and
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: celebrate their mediocrity.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: I agree, Jesus. Back to the bigotry of low expectations.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: For you thank you. No, I got that that co
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: op is happening. I don't see it in the comment.
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: I can't wait to use that in the argument. Jesus,
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: you just co op in your media.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Ask But all right, let's go to another caller, Hello,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: who's this did.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: Y'all don't identify this?
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Hello? Oha, Hey, Alicia? Good morning?
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: Hey, how are you good?
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: Good? Good?
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Ebanie K. Williams to say, hey, you gotta you got
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: a question comment, let's discuss.
• 27:00
  Speaker 6: Oh well, I just kind of wanted to agree with her.
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: First of all, she stated that if this is the
• 27:06
  Speaker 6: if this is what you want, and you're like, this
• 27:08
  Speaker 6: is what I suggest, So she was not pushing that
• 27:10
  Speaker 6: on anyone. But if we're being honest, that's when I
• 27:14
  Speaker 6: counterparts teach their girls so go to college and find
• 27:16
  Speaker 6: a husband. The education is almost taking they to, especially
• 27:19
  Speaker 6: white Southern women, So I don't see a problem with it.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Is that true?
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you? Sis? Absolutely is true. So you know, I
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: went to UNC Chapel Hill, a very predominantly white institution
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: in the South, as the good sister just mentioned, and
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: that ring before Spring. Shit is serious for them, and
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: it's it's twofold what they're looking to do because our
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: counterparts tend to view marriage primarily through a lens of
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: economic stability. Let's be clear, and historically we know that
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: is the nature of marriage. Correct, It's a transaction of sorts.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: And I know once again, you know the tears are
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: going to roll when I say that out loud for
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: some because wait, because they they are not willing to
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: really stand in the reality of the tenets of marriage
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: in America today. Pay mortgage right, So that's the reality,
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: and our kind of parts to do it all the time.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: The difference is they are not shamed when they do it.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: I think that when you see black girls and black
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: young women going and making the space for marriage as
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: as much of a priority as education, it flies in
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: the face of a generation that told me and mine,
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: go to school, stay focused, don't get pregnant. Boys are
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: a distraction, Right, They're gonna throw you off your game.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: Get your education, get your money, get your house, get
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: your power, figure out who you are, stand in it,
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: and then go partner, get married and live happily ever after.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: The challenge with that, because that's the model I took.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: I'm proud to have taken it. I had a little
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: default starting marriage that was not for me, so I
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: divorced him. Not a problem, great guy. Here's the thing.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing is most black women do want the
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: traditional man or told nuclear family model. And when you
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: get to a certain level of income as black women,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: a certain level of power, a certain level of being
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: able to travel the world on your own dime and
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: be in the sky lounge without some dusty sun swipe,
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: that's okay, the shrinking happens. And also, I'm gonna tell
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: you what else you move? Differences you move? You You
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: think your swag is on a thousand today and it's
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: very high and I love seeing it. Wait till you,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: wait till you're over that million dollar a year mark
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: of income, Wait till it's like wait till you own
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: your your one point seven million dollar property and your
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: own name and only your name is.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: On the deed based on the true story.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm just saying you. Nobody's gonna be able
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: to tell you shit unless they're coming all the way, correctio,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: And that's gonna make that pool rather even smaller. Go ahead,
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: and yes, sorry, who's this?
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Hello? Hey? What's your name? So Hey, Sophia, what's your
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: question for m d. K.
• 29:56
  Speaker 7: Williams, not question. That's a question. Then I have a
• 30:00
  Speaker 7: few things, like how were you raised? I was I
• 30:04
  Speaker 7: seen that you were forty. I'm forty eight. I'm a
• 30:08
  Speaker 7: black woman raised with black women. We were not raised
• 30:12
  Speaker 7: to go look for a man. We were not raised
• 30:15
  Speaker 7: to it doesn't matter like we wasn't raised to just
• 30:19
  Speaker 7: go look for a ring. Oh my god, I just
• 30:22
  Speaker 7: have to have a man. We were raised to respect ourselves,
• 30:25
  Speaker 7: to love God, and if God shaw fit for us
• 30:28
  Speaker 7: to be married, our husband would find us. Like it's
• 30:33
  Speaker 7: like you putting your your failures or how that you
• 30:37
  Speaker 7: seem like you failed because you didn't get a ring
• 30:40
  Speaker 7: in college, that you putting it off on other women,
• 30:44
  Speaker 7: especially black women, when that's not how black women. I
• 30:48
  Speaker 7: don't know any other race, but that's not how I
• 30:51
  Speaker 7: was raised.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: Okay reponse, Oh yeah, good morning.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: It says so listen. I was raised by God fearing,
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: incredible black woman named Gloria who were to go to school,
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: go to more school, get the bag, and stand in
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: my truth and power. So that's the first answer to
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: your question. As for failure, I don't have any in
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: the space, dear. I actually was married. I had a
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: beautiful cushion cut diamond on my finger until I decided
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: to give it back because I no longer want it
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: to be married, so I don't have failure in the space.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: The only reason I'm not married is because I divorced
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: my husband. Now, as to putting this on black women,
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: I'm doing no such thing. What I know for fact,
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: because I have sorority sisters, I have good friends. I
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: have a strong global sisterhood of black women who tell me.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Some of them tell me that despite their success, despite
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: their careers, and despite their money, they in their car
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: to hearts still desire marriage. It is something that they want,
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: and I think we got to get rid of shaming
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: black women for wanting what they want. I'll give you
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: this as a handbag example. Some people like burking bags.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: If Lauren comes and tells me, Ebany, I want to
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: get a Burking bag, let me tell you what I'm
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: not gonna do. I'm not gonna try to cons her
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: to get another kind of bag. I'm not gonna say, girl,
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: have you seen the Chanelle's? What about the Louis Bittons.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to talk to you about how uh
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: rmez bags are or priced out of range, and and
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: and and they should be more accessible to people. No,
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna talk to you about how to get the
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: money situation together so we can walk in Ermez right
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: there on Madison and make your dream a reality. And
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: that's all I'm doing for the black women that that
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: is already a desire of their heart to be married
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: in a timely fashion. That's who this advice is for.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: If you don't want that, I want nothing. But what
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: you want for yourself.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: Is the Carlos said on the line.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: That go get the Michael Cores.
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: I will say though, I think I think a lot
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: of people take the stance that she took because you
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: literally like a lot of people don't know certain things, right,
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: they don't listen. But I also think that say they part.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: One more time, they don't know certain things and they
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: don't listen.
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: But wait, another important point is I think a lot
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: of people take you just as a personality and all
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: that you have going on as like you look and
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: speak down on people. And I think with the black
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: women is instantly triggering because we've had that happen so much, right,
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: And that's why that happens where she's like, well, how
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: were you raised? Like, even the way that she came
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: into that call was like, you think that you're better
• 33:11
  Speaker 4: or you think that you're doing something that other people
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: have not done, right, And I think that happens a
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: lot with you.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a projection. Yeah, so I'm forty right, So
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: none of that's new, Lauren. Just so you know, like
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: when you walk through the world carrying yourself the way
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: I do, having my esthetic projections and presumptions about who
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: I am and what my values are come with the territory.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: But that's also why I do the work I do.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I got one hundred episodes a Holding Court. People can watch.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: I'm on every day here locally in New York Channel
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: fifty five eleven thirty AM Equal Justice with Judge Ebanie Yes,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: I'm judging you and several other things. I got two
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: books out of ything. Ben. I'm back what you said, Abby.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: I saw Equal Justice in Vegas.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: You saw, Yeah. Yes, it's nationally syndicated. I'm in eighty
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: five percent of American home so there's lots of content
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: to consume.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: Well, let's go to another call, and I just want
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: to put out there. Ebony Ca Williams is talking that talk.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: She has a gold thirty five breaking bag with thank
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: you baby, look like gold hardware.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: You're correct, yellow gold, thank you's looking like a true
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: man of her mess.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: You're rich.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: I said, please, Hello, who's saying.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Hello?
• 34:17
  Speaker 6: Hello?
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Hey?
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: What's your name?
• 34:20
  Speaker 8: All right?
• 34:20
  Speaker 6: My name is from hey Tis.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: What's your question for King Williams.
• 34:25
  Speaker 8: It's not really a question. I'm just saying I'm well,
• 34:28
  Speaker 8: first of all, good morning and everybody. I just want
• 34:30
  Speaker 8: to say that I am team Ebany and I don't
• 34:32
  Speaker 8: see anything that she's saying is wrong. She's letting her platform.
• 34:38
  Speaker 8: Everyone who follows her know that. As an older woman,
• 34:42
  Speaker 8: I'm just giving you advice. I've been there, I've been
• 34:45
  Speaker 8: through college, and this is my feelings based on my experiences,
• 34:49
  Speaker 8: and I just feel like she should be respected for it.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, thank you for calling.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Mama, appreciate it, says, thank you so much. Good day.
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: Let's put a button on this man, because you know
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: this out. I think this was very informative and very
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: very very very educational. And I would like to say
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: Evane K Williams is not Kevin Samuels with a silk press.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, mediocrity, She's Evane K.
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: Williams, and I believe if we listen with the intent
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: to understand and not reply, you would learned something.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: I appreciate listen. I appreciate the platform. I appreciate the
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: conversation I need too. I think that as black women
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: in particular, we got to hold the space to have
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: the difficult conversations. I saw a lot of people to chat.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: Are we still talking about this? Are we all with this?
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: Clearly people feel away about the topic.
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: And I think it's also good for people to see that, like,
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: now I know you a bit differently, so I probably
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: will see things differently, but I probably will still disagree
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: with some things and it's totally fine.
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: That's a life.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: But I'm just saying that because I think another thing
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: too that I don't want to happen from this is
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: people to take the points where we didn't disagree or
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: where you were stronger, I was stronger vice versa and
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: be like, it's combative, it's not. It's yeah, but I
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: but I want to put it on record that that
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: is that can happen. And then at the end of
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: the day, is we're going to talk because I do
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: want to know more about the fertility thing. I do
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: want to top you little. I want you know what
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: I mean, Like that's important to put.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Out and I appreciate that. I just think that the
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: moral of the story is people are going to eat
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: the meat and spit up and spin out the seeds.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Excuse me, they're going to eat you know what, somebody somebody, somebody.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: Nasty and because somebody got a good die.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: You're gonna eat the meat and spit out the seeds
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: as we do with watermelon. Get your heads out of
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: the gutter, as we do with watermelon. What is wrong
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: with you? People? Raise? I'm just playing and that goes
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: with this conversation. That goes whether we're talking about bus
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: drop and gay, whether we're talking about black men in school,
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: whether we're talking about wealth or anything else. So the
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: content is for the taking. I welcome the critique and
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: the conversation.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: All right, Well, we appreciate you and.
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: Holding Court podcast.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: We're back with season three soon.
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: I mean, did I keep the same energy the energy
• 36:54
  Speaker 4: was needed?
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know, man drunk a little bit.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: You know about for me?
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: I asked you, I don't even know why you.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: Watch Equal Justice to thank you, thank you for your localistings.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Sending BA comeback. Nyla will be joining us past the AUCS.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: It don't go anywhere. It's a Friday, thank you ladies.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: It's the Breakfast Club. Wake up in the morning, The
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Breakfast Club.