Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / A Better Mom System with Enneagram Three Laura Hernandez

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A Better Mom System with Enneagram Three Laura Hernandez · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Favorites is we have a five o'clock alarm go off at five o'clock every day.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: So our Alexa goes off and my alarm on my phone goes off.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: And this is my signaling to get up and get dinner going because otherwise I might forget.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, get later on in the day.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, why is everybody so angry?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh, it's seven o'clock.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's why.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: And we just are all off our rhythm because I wasn't paying attention to the time.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so setting that alarm helps me get up and do what I'm supposed to do, but it also signals the time in our household that we, I mean, this is really creative.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: We call five o'clock jobs.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody has a designated job, a designated zone, and they need to get ready for the next day.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I help you navigate the overwhelm and frustration of motherhood through faith, Enneagram, and simple plans.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: As a faith-based Enneagram coach, I champion you to love your mothering style because you are the mom your kids need, even when you don't feel like it.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountain mama who somehow ended up on a cul-de-sac in the Midwest, overwhelmed and frustrated by motherhood.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: He helped me turn the challenges of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my self-awareness, and my family.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode of this podcast provides perspective through story, wholehearted purpose, and simple plan so you can discover how to love your mothering style and be confident that you are the mom your kids need.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Think of this podcast as your on-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So get to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready to be encouraged and empowered while you listen.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Since becoming a mom, I've learned the value of systems, and I have made it a habit to do my best to learn from others who are naturally better at systems than I am.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've done my fair share of system guru searching, and some have worked, some others will not so much.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But today, I think you're going to appreciate the practical and super helpful system advice from my friend Laura Hernandez.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Laura leads as Enneagram 3, and I've learned this personality excels in teaching paths to success in the arenas that they are passionate and knowledgeable about, much like our Enneagram 1 and 5 friends.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to let Laura share how her mom's systems began, but I'm going to offer a little hint because her advice and wisdom comes from the number of children that she has.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And friends, she has more than three times the amount of children that I do.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: So she has earned some serious street credit.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if you're interested in specific episodes about the Enneagram type three, check out my simply wholehearted episode 170 in my motherhood in Enneagram series, and also episode 105 when we did our summer in the Enneagram way back in 2019.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's jump right in.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So my husband and I have 10 kids.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And 10 kids.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: It can be a lot.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Three of them came to us through adoption and we adopted on the foster care system.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: And the year that we got them in our home that they were placed with us, we had also just had our fifth biological.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so in a six-month period, we went from four kids to eight kids.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Unbelievable.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: It was intense.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: We had five people that were four and under all in diapers.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember standing up against the wall.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I would just never forget this moment, standing up against the wall and thinking, we just have to make it to bedtime.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: If everybody can stay alive until bedtime, we'll be okay.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's all we just get in their beds and we're done.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: That was like my goal for quite a few weeks until I finally realized that we can't live that way.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not how I want to live.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was searching for something for somebody who'd been down this road before, for someone who had adopted a large sibling group and had a bunch of kids and homeschooled and had all these therapy appointments and public school, like all these things that made us so unique as a family.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody else seemed to have that.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe there are other people out there now, but I did not know of them then.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: I just had to take bits and pieces of everything I've learned over the years and create systems that worked in our family.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so through that, on the other side of things, we now have 10 children and our home is peaceful and things are in order.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: And there's there's definite moments of chaos, right?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to tell you that we are perfect.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, with 10 kids, how could you not?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: But for the most part, things are peaceful and enjoyable.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And people will come to our house and be like, why is it so quiet here?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Well, we have systems in place that help with all of those things.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so my heart is now to the process that I walk through, because no system works for every family, but the process that I walk through is applicable to every family of figuring out what drains you, what gives you life, how to prioritize the things that give you life and how to take off the things that don't matter and that drain you.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I do now.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a mama coach and I get to help mamas kind of figure out the systems in their home.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: I know as a Enneagram 7 myself, I do think strategically and I think in systems, but I usually have to have someone hold my feet to the fire to complete them all the way and to follow through.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I quickly talk myself out of, oh, this isn't working, and I've given it 24 hours.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to know a little bit how you understanding your personality type has empowered you to create systems that you can follow through on that are really benefiting you, but also benefiting a lot of other moms out there.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a three with a two-wing.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think I've taken, you know, you take this topic a million times over, right?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: And every time it's like, maybe I'm a two with a three wing, or it's just so close to call, but I'm really embracing my three right now.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And love it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Do it.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Definite achiever.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Love to get stuff done, love to accomplish things task-oriented, right?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's all great, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to be.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: I picture an a one when I think of systems and like that's that's what's right.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Organize and knows how to follow a linear plan.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not me.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's not me.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: So creating systems that our family can all function with, no matter where people are on different spectrums of learning and intellectual abilities and all of those things.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Creating those systems and putting plans in place and tools in place that will bring you back to those systems.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: So if we completely drop the ball for a week, if people are gone or summer break and we're just getting lazy, it doesn't matter.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like that next week, we can just pick up.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody has the tools, they all know what they're supposed to do, and we can jump back in.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the best thing that I can help moms with, and also for our family, because life is never, ever going to go smoothly.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: You're going to have a kid in the hospital, you're going to have your basement.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just so many things.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so normally we just give up and we just, well, that didn't work.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: That wasn't a good system.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: But I love putting tools in place and giving them the tools that they need so that they can just say, Oh, no, morning jobs right now.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Go to them.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And two weeks later, they still know what to do, you know?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so good.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: The key there is going back to it and trying it again when life disrupts because it will.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's where systems come in play.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully there's some things that can stay static when life gets a little swirly.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Then you can just come back to them and pick up where you left off.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: For you, how do you go from having 10 kids?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that itself would be demanding for me.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of love the chaos.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I only have three kids.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And for years I thought that the calling for us would be to adopt.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't seem to look that way.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: But in the meantime, that means I can be the friend who has my kids five kids over.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because what, you know, like I'll take on those five kids because I'm going to go back to three kids in a few hours.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of like the swirl and the chaos and the energy of that.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I can't imagine day in and day out, not only just keeping the systems and keeping this rhythm for my family, but then in turn helping others.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: So for you, where did you decide?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I can see that we've come from surviving to thriving.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And now I want to help others.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to share this with others.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think I can so easily get back to that place of feeling.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I mean, cry telling you about it, I just feeling so overwhelmed and not having anybody to turn to and nobody to help me.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like even to just come in and say I reached out to a mom that had adopted a sibling group of three, but she had just two.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: So they had five kids now.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember calling her and being like, is there some point when it's going to be normal?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like she didn't unlike quite understand my question.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: We weren't that good of friends.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was just very, but I wanted to know like, is there going to be a normal?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because it just feels awkward and weird.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: It feels like three strangers are my house.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm just able to tap into that place so easily where I can see when moms are hurting and when they're drowning and they feel like I can't enjoy my people because there's all this stuff.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh, well, this stuff is easy.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's get rid of that.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's really where my two comes in is like wanting to help them and wanting to pull them out as much as possible of the things that are just easy, easy to handle and easy to take care of.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And like clearly, I can't curse a child or do anything huge like that, but I can help you think through ways that we can automate things in your household so you don't have to think about them.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it's less brain power.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I can help you think through things of how we can ask people for help.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: And that has been one of the biggest lessons.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think this may be where my shift happened from two to three as I was thinking about this conversation today of like childhood stuff.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: I really see myself as a two of wanting to help everybody and please everybody.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: But then getting to this place of desperation where I can't do it all and like I can't please everybody, and I need to ask for help was so humbling.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it really just brought me to a place where I had to.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have a choice.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so even applying for that our three buddies have special needs.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: So applying for programs with the government and things like that was so hard for me at first.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm like, I want to do it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: So overwhelming.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's not.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the way it is.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So and we need it.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if that answered your question.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that's so good.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one of the things that popped in my mind there is one of the things that you're utilizing your broken-hearted moment and experience into this wholehearted desire to help people.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think through my own circumstance on a couple levels, is one, a lot of us moms are motherless in our journey.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like we don't have the mom available emotionally, physically, or spiritually.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so it tends to be one of those things where there's that absence of mothering and we're just going, how do I do this?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your mom either, you know, just again, this isn't a shaming, blaming thing.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the way it is.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so here we are, we have our first kid or we have three kids, and we don't have our mom to help us for whatever reason.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have the equipping and the training that from our childhood to do it.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you're stepping in and coming in in that nurturing, mothering voice of going, hey, I am a few steps ahead of you.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've had to figure it out the hard way.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you some shortcuts and an easier route to go about it.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I very much agree.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And in that, my mom has always wanted to look out for me.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so she sees our big family and thinks, How are you taking care of yourself?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: What are you doing for you?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: How are you?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I want to protect you.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: You're my child.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: So therefore, she thinks that 2.5 children is probably the best place to be.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so right.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Despite her trying to be encouraging, it often comes out as very like disapproving.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: And we've been able to talk through that and praise the Lord.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't really thought about that.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And there was no one, no one really understood.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I understood the greatness of what I was dealing with and the needs of these children that I would read about and hear about in books and podcasts and stuff of adopted kiddos and their neglect and their trauma and coming into a safe and secure home.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: All the literature says that they should be fine in two years, they'll feel safe and they'll feel they'll start to develop and catch up.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: And they just didn't.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: It just doesn't happen that way.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: They still haven't caught they're still very delayed in every area.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And they have IDD, which is the new PC term for mental retardation.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: And what to educate people while I that's good.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: And they also all have fetal alcohol syndrome disorder.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: So all of those things created so many problems I was completely unaware of.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: I thought we were just dealing with adoption stuff.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a whole slew of things underneath that too.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, man, we're not talking adoption necessarily here today, but that is the real deal.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have so many good friends who have adopted, and it's maybe presented one thing or they just didn't know.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, I think sometimes the Lord leads us into something without knowing the full scope and sequence.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that way we will step out with him, but they get into it and they go, oh, whoa, this is way bigger.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I, you know, and I want to talk to the mama who just has biological kids with special and needs, because I certainly, that was my situation, is that I had a couple of kids who, you know, they're my biological kids.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there wasn't any major thing at birth that I would be aware of.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: But as they start developing, I noticed some things were not developing correctly.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Things the synapses weren't firing correctly and the cognition wasn't there, whatever it was.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember feeling so grateful.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was a mom like you, who her name is Laura actually.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we were working together one day at our kids' school.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, you know, your son reminds me a lot of my boy.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: And she shared her story, right?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it was in the sharing of her story that she was able to help me identify some of the things that I was struggling with and I didn't have words for and I didn't have someone to go to.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And through that, just the kindness of sharing the story.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Not only was I able to go, oh, me too, I'm not alone, but then she was able to, in my willingness to be like, just help me, please, anything.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: She was able to be like, all right, this is the next step that you need to take.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that changed the trajectory of my life as a mom, but certainly my son's life as well and the process.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And another one of my kiddos and things too.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that this is why I love sharing story.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: It gives perspective.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: It helps my other friends go, oh, me too.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know I'm not alone.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, the awesome part of our podcast where we always end up like, okay, the three steps that we can take.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think just stepping into that place of vulnerability and authenticity is so huge and is so helpful to mamas.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yes, hands down.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love that that is your story right there.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear real quick, maybe one of the major systems that either you have been able to pass along to moms that has really helped them, or something for you that you go, and sometimes it's hard when we're so close to it, right?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing that you do every day, they're like, my life, I don't know what it would be like without this system.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's a lot of them.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I bet one of my favorites is we have a five o'clock alarm go off at five o'clock every day.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: So our Alexa goes off and my alarm on my phone goes off.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And this is my signaling to get up and get dinner going because otherwise I might forget.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, not forget to be my children, but get distracted.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, get later on in the day.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, why is everybody so angry?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh, it's seven o'clock.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's why.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: And we just were all off our rhythm because I wasn't paying attention to the time.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so setting that alarm helps me get up and do what I'm supposed to do, but it also signals the time in our household that we, I mean, this is really creative.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: We call five o'clock jobs.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um yes.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm liking this.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Keep going, keep going.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: And everybody has a designated job, a designated zone, and they need to get ready for the next day.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: So our little buddies that go to school, lay out their clothes, make their lunches, all of that all happens during that time.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking job-wise, how to plan for those jobs.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: I want people picking up around the house so that I can go to bed and not have to worry about cleaning up or picking up or anything, and we can wake up in the morning to a fresh house.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: Also setting the table.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then everybody has a zone that they're in charge of.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so their zone could be like picking up the living room, or it could be like Legos or whatever else your children get out and get everywhere all over the house, like baby dolls or books or whatever that is.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: All the things that's their thing that they go pick up.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so that way, just all the things that are you're normally like stressed out by.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like that dinner time is just, I mean, it's just rough.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's really rough, right?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: So you're trying to get dinner ready and you're looking around, and all your people are watching TV or making bigger mess, and you're thinking, I have to clean all this up, I have to set the table, I have to get dinner on the table, like lunches need to be made.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever your list of things is, is now delegated out to everyone else in the house too.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: And you're working together as a team and you've built this team mentality in your home where it's not mom doing it all.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's yeah, ridiculous.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody needs to be doing it at all.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that's my favorite to share with people, just kind of the realization of no, they shouldn't all be in there watching TV or playing Xbox or doing whatever.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're eating too, they're participating in the messes, like they can help, right?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that's good because it's not necessarily pitching in with dinner, um, because maybe you like that rhythm of being able to zone out in the kitchen and make the food and all of that, but they're participating it uh in all the other different things.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that leads me to go, okay, step one back, you know, just one step back.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: How do we get our kids trained to do these things?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think my kids, I could probably set the alarm and after a couple of days of explaining it, we could probably do it.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: But we've done some things to train them um to do the cleaning process.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: So help my mamas who are in that training phase, you know, they're maybe two, three, six years old, and we're just, you know, helping them figure out what this looks like to help mom.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: My first step always is to have a mom kind of assess a situation that feels overwhelming.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what about what about that hour or so makes it feel so overwhelming to you?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: And how can we create less stress in that way?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: So is that you know, every two, three days you have something delivered or you just do an easy pizza from Costco, like what could bring down the stress for you during that time?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then thinking about different rooms and areas and things that we could have or ask our kids to do.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: I love to like there first has to be that planning piece of it, right?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: But then training our kids in that.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, this is such a loaded question, but training.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I know.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but maybe just like you know, three little things.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna have one, two, three, but two is gonna have A, B, C.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, here we go.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you need to plan as a mama of what you want to divvy out, what you need to happen during that time to be okay with you, because really all I care about is you.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like I want you to be thriving.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're thriving, you're a great mom, right?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're doing great with your kids, you're able to pour into them, all those things.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: Number two is creating clear expectations.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what that looks like in our house is um if I have a kid, I have one buddy that just struggles every day.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: He's supposed to fill up everybody's water bottles and put them on the table.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a really simple job, but just doing it is really hard for him.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big deal.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so he knows exactly what he's supposed to do, but just daily kind of uh telling him those expectations over and over again of what he's supposed to do.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I have him doing a job that's right next to me so he's not wandering off and getting into trouble somewhere, right?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: He stays close by the the ones that get distracted stay close by and have jobs close by.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um this is wise.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then number three, I think, is follow through of not giving up if they throw a fit or they're like, I don't want to do this.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, awesome.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: You have a lot of things in life that you don't want to do, right?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: So really just continuing to press in.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: It is so good for them to do chores and so good for them to learn responsibility.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it is so much easier when you have young people to start then and have them do little things like just take the silverware out of the dishwasher and put it away.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's all you have to do.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're not unloading the whole dishwasher or breaking anything, but they can help, and that helps train them that they can do things and that they are capable and that you need them and that they're valued in your family as a team.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just so, so, so important.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so good.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: I love this.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is actionable.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: I can start, you know, taking some steps.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: What all do you have to offer my mom friends in a way of accountability and training and things that they're like, I definitely need some more systems.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make it my my system, but I need some more systems.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: I have a simple free little guide on my website that's for chores and will help kind of walk you through morning and evening chores just to kind of get those in place.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Start somewhere.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then and are those chores that you delegate or are those chores that are kind of on your list that mom needs to be responsible for?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Those are chores that you delegate.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's moms seem to have no problem with knowing what needs to happen.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but they do like all here.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Delegating all in our brain.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: So there's simple age appropriate chores for everybody and just kind of walks you through how to think about your kids can do so much more than they're already doing, you know?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And thinking, okay, my kid is capable of that.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: I can actually have them help me unload the dishwasher.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: I've never thought about that before.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I can have them swover.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: I've never thought about that before, right?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's things that your kids can do that you just haven't thought about because they're so young and you just haven't stepped over that threshold.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: So that's an amazing free resource on my website.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: But then I also offer coaching and so my one-on-one coaching is a lot of me doing a lot of the work for you of saying, like, okay, this is what we're gonna do, XYZ, put it into place, and I just hand you a plan and that's awesome.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: So easy, right?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then I have online courses as well, and those just walk you through the process, and so you're doing the majority of the work and you're implementing it and doing all of that.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: So that's so good.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, all of those are so helpful.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that, you know, I have a lot of moms who they just didn't have an example.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: They're just looking for someone to, okay, this is how I've done it, and this is how you can make it yours.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the last thing I would go, what kind of encouragement could you give the mom who is maybe afraid to let go of some of really what it is is control of how they would typically do it, or maybe asking for help, delegating all of that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know your personality as a three, it's a little bit easier to delegate.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's a natural instinct there.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: But as a two, you tend to feel like you have to do it all yourself.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And for moms in general, speaking for most of us, a lot of us take on the burden of like, well, I may not be a good mom if I'm not the one doing this, or my kid or my husband or whatever, they might not do it the way I want them to do it.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Give us a little, you know, just a little pep talk here to help us overcome some of those mindset blocks.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: And as a two, I feel like I like You get it.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: Again, before that, I feel like it was that hump of not being able to ask for help and feeling like I could do it all, to like flipping over to I had no choice.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then it became like, okay, you need to delegate things out, you need to ask for help.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like I think that's where my shift happened.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like I really relate to that.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: I can't ask anybody for help.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I would always feel guilty, always wanting to help others and but not doing it for me.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that it was a value issue for myself of not valuing myself and who I am, and that I'm worthwhile, that I'm worth asking for help or somebody helping me.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I've clearly had to do a lot of work in this process.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: But on this side of it, I can just see so clearly that we need each other.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's bottom line, that vulnerability of saying, hey, husband, I feel like I'm drowning, I'm not doing well.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is a hard time.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I'm really struggling with XYZ.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like that creates this intimacy in your marriage, which brings your marriage closer and then your family closer because of that.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: And same with your kids, of just being honest with them and saying, hey guys, I'm I'm really struggling right now.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, we have people coming over tonight for dinner and I'm really stressed out, and her house is a mess.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do you guys think you could help me kind of clean up and get things in order?
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I'm normally met with much willingness to help.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Of like, yeah, what do you need me to do?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: What can I do?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so just seeing those attitudes that have grown out of that of them being able to empathize with me, of like, hey, I'm really struggling, and then being able to step up and say, Hey, how can I help?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's a huge skill for them to learn for all the time, like forever and ever.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: To be able to see someone who needs help and to step in and help them.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: So that's so good.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that's really, really good.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: There are probably a lot of different things that we could spell out here, but we won't do it here.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll we'll probably take it to the Instagram and just talk about some of the hurdles that we need to overcome when it either comes to developing systems or delegating.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: We have our perfectionist tendencies that sometimes get in the way, and some people would call them limiting beliefs.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I really love that you champion that every mom can implement systems that are going to bring life to themselves, which is one of the most important pieces.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we can be the moms that bring life to our kids.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the perfection piece is something that you really I think that I've had to help mama see from a different viewpoint.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: If one of your friends called and she was really struggling and she, you know, has all this overwhelm and she feels like she's drowning and all of these things, and her kids are wanting to help, but they're not doing it right, what would you say to her?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then kind of flip that conversation on its head.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: So let them kind of be like, yeah, you're right.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is, I feel like that's always a good way to readjust my thoughts and my feelings and my expectations of my people.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, this it doesn't really matter if they do an amazing job swivering.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's cleaner than it was before.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that's one less thing I have to do right now.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's right.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think on that note, that is a good thing for my mama friends to be thinking about of flipping that script of like, how would you encourage how what would you say to that friend who calls you up and says you need help?
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's good.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself that and then reach out to Laura at Mama Systems for all the goodies on her website, on the Instagram, all the tips that she's offering, and um all the ways that you can get some help to figure out what is going to work for you and then how to follow through and see it happen because hey, we all know that a happy mama means a happy family.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think our conversation barely scratched the surface on all that Laura can offer to help you create sustainable life-giving systems in your home.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll go say hi on Instagram at Mama Systems and check out her website.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you know a friend who would like to join our Summer in the Enneagram series, I hope you will send them this episode or any of the 200 plus previous episodes so they can join the fun.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Also, I've got something so amazing that I can't wait to share with you all.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be giving the details starting in July, so hang tight or hang out with me on Instagram where I give some spoilers every now and again.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you are the mom your kids need.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for the wholehearted life you desire.