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The Sentence After a Slip: One Meal Is Not Fifteen · Connor with Honor: AI, Real Estate and Real Life

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to describe a scene.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to imagine it because I'm not going to pretend it's happening to a stranger right now.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I lived it more nights than I can count.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it's 9 40 p.m.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: on a Tuesday.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: That sleeve of cookies gone.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rapper is on the counter, and a sentence is forming, and it's the most expensive sentence in this whole fight.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I tell myself, I blew it.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'll start over Monday.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now hold one number for me, 50.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to come back to it.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, of course, whenever you happen to be tuning in.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is The Last Addiction.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm about to tell you that that lives at thelastaddiction.com.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, including the parts that are uncomfortable to hear.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist, I'm a man who carried 365 pounds and now carries, well, uh, 280.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I did get to 231, so hence the struggle.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to do this with you, not ahead of you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, today's about one sentence, I blew it, because I've come to believe the sleeve of cookies is not the thing that keeps people fat.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: The sentence is there's a researcher named Alan Marlatt who spent his career studying why people relapse.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: First with alcohol and drugs, and in 1985, he put a name on something he kept seeing.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: He called it the abstinence violation effect.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the plain version.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: A person sets a rule for themselves, they keep it for a while, then one night they break it.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Then what happens next does not depend on how big the slip was.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: It depends on what they tell themselves it means.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: If they stay that was one bad night, the situation got me.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was tired and the cookies were on the counter, they actually get back up.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: If they say this proves what I am, I have no discipline, I always do this.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: They usually keep going.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same slip, two stories, two completely different mornings, and it's been tested on people just like us.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you're watching this, there's a study, and I'm labeling it a single study on a specific program of patients in a medically supervised, very low caloric diet.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: The people who blame their character for their first first slip, not the situation.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Their character lost a similar share of their excess weight over the program.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: The slip didn't decide it.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: The story about the slip did.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you heard the street name for this, probably that's called the Hell effect.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I already ruined it today, so what the hell?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to do the math on it out loud because I'm a numbers guy and nobody ever runs this number.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: 15.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: A slip on Tuesday night is one meal.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: One.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you eat your next meal the way you plan to, the damage is one meal.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And one meal against a month of good ones is a rounding error.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Your body doesn't keep a ledger that resets Monday.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: It keeps a running total.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Every meal every day.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: But Monday math says, I already blew it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Wednesday's gone too, and then Thursday and then Friday.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's Friday, and the weekend doesn't count because my God, I gotta eat the weekend, and that's five days, three meals a day, plus all the debauchery that you're used to, and now a one meal slip has become 15.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna call that Monday math, and it's the most reliable way I know to gain more fat while believing you're actually on a program.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I did Monday math for 20 years.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you how many Mondays, hundreds.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Every one of them felt like a fresh start, and every one of them was a receipt for the five days before it.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's what changed.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be careful because it's not a trick and it was not a product, and I'm still working on it venomly every single day.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: One sentence replacing another.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped saying I blew it, and I started saying that was one meal, and the next one is mine.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Say it with me one time out loud.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're somewhere you can, that was one meal and the next one is mine.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing I believe more than anything else about this.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's a thing I would put on a wall in every room where people are trying to get their lives back.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: If there were, and is still a chance, not another Monday, another second, the next bite is the only decision that exists.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not the last one, which is already gone, and not the ones on Saturday, which aren't here yet.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: The one in front of you.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's the entire program, and everything else is paperwork.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me be fair to the other side, because I promised you I would always be.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a violation or version of this.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you to shrug off a binge, and that's not what I'm saying.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: A slip is one meal.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: A pattern is a pattern.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: If the 9 40 p.m.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: on Tuesday is happening four nights a week, that's not a character flaw either.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not a rounding error, it's the information, and it may become more than the food.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Binge eating is a real clinical thing with real treatment, and a guy on a camera who lost weight is not the treatment.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Even if I stayed at 230 pounds, still not the treatment.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm getting back there.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I caught myself in time.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you have as well.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So keep going.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you cannot stop once you start, and it's happening often, and it's getting worse, get in front of a professional who does this for a living.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a weakness.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same move as calling for backup when the situation is bigger than one officer, and I made that call for 23 years without anybody thinking less of me.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not telling you to punish the slip with a longer fast.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is Monday math, wearing a different jacket.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: The next meal after a slip is not a penalty.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's the meal you've already planned at the time you've already planned it, exactly as boring as it was going to be.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: The boring meal is the win.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody makes a movie about the boring meal.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the boring meal is what 134 pounds when I got down to my lowest were made of.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to go one layer under this because I think it's where the real fight is.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Why does the good sentence I blew it feel so good to say?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's a terrible sentence, but it feels like relief.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's because it ends the effort.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: For the five days between Tuesday and Monday, you don't have to try, you have permission.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Monday math is not about food at all.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's about buying yourself a vacation for being the person you finally decided to be.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the cookies are just the ticket.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: When you see it that way, the fix isn't willpower, it's refusing to buy the ticket.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to be stronger at 940.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: You need to notice the sentence forming and say the other one instead.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a five-second job.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone can do a five-second job.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know some of you are hearing this at 231 pounds left, not 231 pounds arrived at, or 280 pounds arrived at, or gotten back to.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know how far that mountain looks from the bottom for your specific circumstance.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: They don't.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know what it looked like for me.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I know what it looked like from where I am right now.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to get back to the bottom because, again, addiction sucks.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So let me tell you the one thing about the bottom nobody said to me.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: You don't climb it, you just take that next step, and the mountain rearranges itself.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: The mountain of fat doesn't stay the same mountain of fat all the way to the top.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: It modifies and changes.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: So every single pound of that 134 I released, I released it one meal, one decision, one next second.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: There was never a Monday that did it.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: There was never a fresh start that did it.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: There was only a meal in front of me hundreds and hundreds of times.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the sentence I said about the one before it.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: So here's tonight's move.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it has two parts.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to actually do both.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: First, write the sentence down where you're going to see it at 9.40 or whatever your time is.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Refrigerator door, phone log screen, inside the refrigerator, inside of the bathroom, inside of the pantry.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: That was one meal.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: The next one is mine.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to remember it in the moment unless you it's already in the moment waiting for you.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, second, decide right now, while you are calm, what your next meal after a slip is.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not a punishment, not a fast.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: The plan.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Planned, boring meal at the time.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Write that next to the sentence.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Then the next time Tuesday happens, and it may, probably will, if not good for you, you're not deciding anything at 9 40.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You've already decided.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: The slip was never the thing.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: The sentence was the thing.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you get to pick the sentence.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is at thelastaddiction.com.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing this with you, not ahead of you.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Struggling every day and trying to be happy about it.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Connor with Honor, be safe out there.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you tomorrow.