Latest / INSPIRE STORY / #0207_ STORY INSPIRE: Selling Moresby — Politics, Money, Global Affairs & Dark Humor

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#0207_ STORY INSPIRE: Selling Moresby — Politics, Money, Global Affairs & Dark Humor · INSPIRE STORY

0:00
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, our
0:03
Speaker 1: final audio-only episode ever. Is that a lie? But it is.
0:12
Speaker 1: The tour is over. We're back in our studio in
0:17
Speaker 1: America soon, but we're here today from the lovely city
0:22
Speaker 1: of Brisbane, Australia. By the Steve Irwin Zoo. You know him,
0:31
Speaker 1: the crocodile hunter who died tragically when he was... What
0:37
Speaker 1: do you say? Harpooned? Or what did he... He got.
0:41
Speaker 2: Well, it went up under his ribcage into his heart.
0:43
Speaker 1: And they stuck him. What do I want to say here?
0:48
Speaker 1: I want to say a pre-mantis, but that's not what
0:50
Speaker 1: did it. There's a manta ray and then there's a stingray.
0:52
Speaker 1: Manta ray or stingray. Which one of the rays... Got
0:58
Speaker 1: Steve Irwin, conservationist, Australian legend. His family keeps his name.
1:08
Speaker 2: It was a stingray barb, and that was at the
1:11
Speaker 2: Great Barrier Reef outside Port Douglas.
1:14
Speaker 1: That's where we're going.
1:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
1:16
Speaker 1: We're going right there. Yeah. We're extending our trip a
1:20
Speaker 1: few days to go to see the beautiful oldest rainforest
1:26
Speaker 1: in the world. Right where Steve Irwin met his untimely
1:33
Speaker 1: tragic demise at the hands of a stingray. And his
1:40
Speaker 1: family carries on his legacy and nothing's come out about
1:43
Speaker 1: Steve Irwin. This isn't Jimmy Savile. We don't have any
1:46
Speaker 1: problems here. Steve Irwin was a conservationist who cared about
1:51
Speaker 1: the animals. And that's why Whitney Cummings, my friend Whitney Cummings,
1:57
Speaker 1: stand-up comedian, when me and you go to a lovely
2:01
Speaker 1: open-range zoo, it's never enough for the animal freaks, by
2:07
Speaker 1: the way. It's never enough for these sick fucks. Anything
2:11
Speaker 1: less than animals coming in their bed at night and
2:14
Speaker 1: fucking them makes them unhappy. If the animals are in cages,
2:18
Speaker 1: they're unhappy, which I get. But if you put the
2:22
Speaker 1: animals on a big range, they don't like it either.
2:25
Speaker 1: So we post a photo of me and you feeding
2:30
Speaker 1: kangaroos at the Werribee Open Range Zoo. And Whitney Cummings,
2:38
Speaker 1: animal advocate, or just you could leave off the word advocate,
2:44
Speaker 1: comments on my Instagram and goes, welcome to the dark side.
2:51
Speaker 1: Because her contention is that all of the animals are drugged.
2:59
Speaker 1: In those zoos, safaris, they're all drugged. And they're being
3:06
Speaker 1: tortured on a daily basis. That is her contention. I
3:11
Speaker 1: don't know if that's true. I don't believe that. I
3:14
Speaker 1: met a lot of people, including that guy Paul, that
3:17
Speaker 1: love these animals and are caring for them and are
3:20
Speaker 1: bringing them back from the brink of extinction. And the
3:24
Speaker 1: animals didn't seem drugged. I also don't think it's morally
3:29
Speaker 1: wrong to give them a pick-me-up if they wanted a pick-me-up.
3:33
Speaker 1: How drugged is humanity? I mean, if an animal needs
3:37
Speaker 1: a little get-up-and-go... I don't see a problem with that.
3:41
Speaker 1: But Whitney's constantly on the animals or on drugs. The
3:44
Speaker 1: animals are, you know who I think is on drugs.
3:47
Speaker 1: But the point is that this incessant shaming and attacking
3:55
Speaker 1: of the zoo industry, I can't get behind. I can't
4:03
Speaker 1: get behind it. Not with the people that I've met
4:06
Speaker 1: that deeply care about the animals. from what I've observed
4:11
Speaker 1: in my five to ten minute interactions with these people.
4:16
Speaker 1: In the three to four minutes that I have spent
4:19
Speaker 1: talking to these people, and I won't ever speak to
4:22
Speaker 1: them again, but in those three minutes, they did not
4:26
Speaker 1: hit an animal in front of me. He didn't punch
4:29
Speaker 1: a koala bear. We didn't walk in. And the koala
4:32
Speaker 1: bears are drugged up anyway. They eat the leaves. They
4:34
Speaker 1: sleep 20 hours a day. They don't care where they sleep. Mm-hmm.
4:38
Speaker 1: Let them sleep somewhere that's going to make a little money.
4:42
Speaker 1: They don't care. You leave them in the wild, they
4:44
Speaker 1: just get torched because of that fire. I hope that
4:49
Speaker 1: fire doesn't ruin any of this rainforest trip.
4:51
Speaker 3: I hope.
4:52
Speaker 1: I got to be honest, I don't want to see
4:54
Speaker 1: ruins here. So I want to be, and we're staying
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Speaker 1: in a very, and what's very important for me when
5:00
Speaker 1: I visit a natural area is luxury. That's the first thing,
5:04
Speaker 1: because I don't really care about nature and I don't
5:08
Speaker 1: want to really be near it in a way where
5:11
Speaker 1: it could impact me negatively in any way. My main
5:15
Speaker 1: concern is luxury. I want the animals, insects to know
5:20
Speaker 1: that we are the boss. And in some of these expeditions,
5:24
Speaker 1: like when I was younger, I wanted to go to
5:25
Speaker 1: the Brazilian Amazon. I've always wanted to like go to
5:29
Speaker 1: the Amazon River because there are great animals. The sloth,
5:33
Speaker 1: the anaconda, the black panther, the bottlenose dolphin, many parrots.
5:40
Speaker 1: They have a great place called the Meeting of the
5:41
Speaker 1: Waters where the Rio Negro and the Rio Salome meet.
5:45
Speaker 1: One is the color of Nestle quick chocolate milk. The
5:48
Speaker 1: other is the color of like a dark brew espresso.
5:50
Speaker 1: And I think, or maybe it's reddish. Maybe it's more reddish.
5:54
Speaker 1: They slam up against each other and because of the
5:58
Speaker 1: silt gradient in the water, they don't mix. It's like
6:01
Speaker 1: one of the, I don't know if it's one of
6:02
Speaker 1: the wonders of the world. Yeah, I'm right. It's one
6:05
Speaker 1: of the, I don't think it's one of the wonders
6:06
Speaker 1: of the world, but it is an amazing thing to
6:08
Speaker 1: see and I've always wanted to see it. But you
6:11
Speaker 1: need a lot of inoculations. You need like 19 vaccines
6:15
Speaker 1: because you can still get leprosy in Brazil, which is
6:18
Speaker 1: not fun, right? Also, I mean, you know, that's why
6:25
Speaker 1: Americans aren't going to Brazil. I mean, forget it. I mean,
6:28
Speaker 1: look at the COVID vaccine. That was a big, you know.
6:32
Speaker 1: How great would it be if just Rogan had a
6:34
Speaker 1: guy on telling people why not to take the leprosy vaccine?
6:39
Speaker 1: You can get over leprosy if you're not fat. But
6:45
Speaker 1: I always wanted to go to Brazil when I was younger.
6:47
Speaker 1: I go, I want to go camping. I want to
6:49
Speaker 1: do a, I want to, you know, but as I
6:52
Speaker 1: get older, I realize that it is important to be
6:57
Speaker 1: dominant over the creatures and the landscape. It is. And
7:02
Speaker 1: it's Western and I'm a Westerner and I'm unashamed of civilization.
7:08
Speaker 1: And if you don't like civilization, you can fuck off.
7:11
Speaker 1: Like all these people in Melbourne, it put Narm or
7:13
Speaker 1: Narn or whatever it is, which is the original indigenous
7:17
Speaker 1: name for the land. And they put that in their
7:19
Speaker 1: fucking dating app profile. And they think that's going to fucking,
7:24
Speaker 1: that means something. Cut it out. Cut it out. I'm
7:28
Speaker 1: a Westerner. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not marching
7:31
Speaker 1: into the Capitol, but I'm also like, what's important to
7:35
Speaker 1: me on a trip that involves nature is that it
7:40
Speaker 1: is very, that it involves nature. It is not centered
7:44
Speaker 1: around nature because nature like Woody Allen had a great line.
7:48
Speaker 1: I am too with nature. Like for me, it's like,
7:53
Speaker 1: you know, the woman said to me, what kind of expeditions?
7:56
Speaker 1: Cause this hotel wants to plan the expeditions that you
7:59
Speaker 1: go on. Are you interested in hiking? I said, well,
8:01
Speaker 1: not really. But we want to go to the ice
8:05
Speaker 1: cream shop, the Daintree Creamery, because it's famous for making
8:09
Speaker 1: ice creams out of tropical fruits. So I said, arrange that.
8:14
Speaker 1: She goes, well... I don't know if that's really an expedition.
8:17
Speaker 1: I said, well, that's the expedition today. So arrange that.
8:22
Speaker 1: Get the driver and get us in the car to
8:25
Speaker 1: the fucking creamery. And we'll take a river cruise. And
8:29
Speaker 1: we'll look at the crocodiles and a few things. And
8:31
Speaker 1: we'll do some light hiking, maybe jump in a swimming hole.
8:35
Speaker 1: But again, the main goal for me here is to
8:38
Speaker 1: be really impressed by the hotel. Not so much the nature. Yes,
8:42
Speaker 1: the nature is going to be breathtaking. But the hotel
8:46
Speaker 1: is important to me. I want to feel safe. I
8:49
Speaker 1: want to feel cared for. I want to know that
8:52
Speaker 1: if animals threaten me at all, they will be killed
8:54
Speaker 1: on the spot. Ditto people. I want to feel like
9:00
Speaker 1: an American traveling abroad. I want to feel like I
9:02
Speaker 1: have total dominance over the natural landscape. I am uninterested
9:07
Speaker 1: in any spiritual. They go, well, it's a very spiritual area. Well,
9:10
Speaker 1: I'll be the judge of that. And I have no
9:12
Speaker 1: interest in that. Yes, it is the world's oldest living rainforest,
9:18
Speaker 1: so they say. My main goal here is that the
9:21
Speaker 1: room has a private plunge pool. Like in White Lotus,
9:25
Speaker 1: that guy who went nuts. I get it. I totally
9:27
Speaker 1: get that. But we do. We have a private pool.
9:30
Speaker 1: I will throw a fit if there is not a
9:33
Speaker 1: private pool. I do not care how beautiful it is.
9:36
Speaker 1: It does not matter to me. We're going to get
9:38
Speaker 1: the pavilion suite, which is the best suite, in the rainforests.
9:44
Speaker 1: This is how I want to enjoy the rainforest. I
9:46
Speaker 1: want to enjoy it. We have a private chef that
9:49
Speaker 1: is doing a four course meal. If it is a
9:51
Speaker 1: three course meal, I will light acres of that rainforest
9:55
Speaker 1: on fire with a Marlboro light myself. I am paying
9:59
Speaker 1: for life. I am paying for luxury. I do not care.
10:04
Speaker 1: Do not sing me songs. Do not tell me about
10:08
Speaker 1: the old ways of the indigenous people. I don't care
10:12
Speaker 1: about unlocking their secrets. It is of no value to me. Okay?
10:17
Speaker 1: Unless they know how to fucking bid on a house
10:20
Speaker 1: in Calabasas and get it, and get it fucking finally
10:24
Speaker 1: so I stop losing out to the Chinese, I don't
10:27
Speaker 1: need to know about their fucking, you know, how they
10:30
Speaker 1: made a, you know, a flute out of a log.
10:34
Speaker 1: I have no interest. So unless they can advise me
10:37
Speaker 1: how to beat the Chinese in the hills because I
10:40
Speaker 1: keep losing, then it's not a problem. And again, does
10:43
Speaker 1: this make me sound like an offensive American? Perhaps. But
10:47
Speaker 1: I don't think it does. You're much more into this
10:50
Speaker 1: shit than I am with the nature and all this shit, right?
10:53
Speaker 2: Well, I want to see that little baby monkey.
10:55
Speaker 1: Oh, cut the shit.
10:58
Speaker 2: You like the koalas. I wanted to see the koalas.
11:00
Speaker 2: You said koalas suck.
11:01
Speaker 1: They do suck. They're not showmen. Animals are supposed to
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Speaker 1: jump up and down and throw balls and ride jet
11:10
Speaker 1: skis and... We're paying money. The thing's asleep. What if
11:14
Speaker 1: I slept on a stage for an hour? There'd be
11:16
Speaker 1: a riot. The koalas are not funny. They're not interesting.
11:20
Speaker 1: They have no personality. They're cute. They're like actors that
11:25
Speaker 1: are just hot and they have jobs because they're hot.
11:28
Speaker 1: People like the koalas are cuddly. They are vicious, nasty animals.
11:32
Speaker 1: They're ungrateful. People move them off the roads to not
11:35
Speaker 1: get killed And what do they do? They make that
11:37
Speaker 1: disgusting sound They go They are ungrateful animals Fuck them
11:42
Speaker 1: Get them out of here Yeah, they're cute You like
11:44
Speaker 1: little cute animals I like animals that have careers That
11:49
Speaker 1: put on a show.
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Speaker 2: You wanted to see the kangaroo much more than I
11:52
Speaker 2: did I like the.
11:53
Speaker 1: Kangaroo that does things It punches people, it hops It
11:57
Speaker 1: does things The koala does nothing The guy, like, scratches
12:02
Speaker 1: its back. It turns around. It gives us a brief look.
12:05
Speaker 1: We take a photo. That's 50 bucks. I could have
12:08
Speaker 1: uploaded that. I could have copied and pasted that. I
12:12
Speaker 1: didn't have to drive there. But you really like little
12:15
Speaker 1: cute animals and seeing things. Yeah, yeah.
12:17
Speaker 2: I mean, by the way, you briefly mentioned we're going
12:19
Speaker 2: to get in a swimming hole in the rainforest?
12:21
Speaker 1: There's a swimming hole, yes.
12:23
Speaker 2: Is it safe?
12:24
Speaker 1: I would imagine. There's no crocs in a swimming hole.
12:26
Speaker 2: There's no snakes and stuff up there?
12:28
Speaker 1: I don't know about that. but I assume the snakes
12:32
Speaker 1: that are there work for the resort. Good. The animals
12:36
Speaker 1: should be working for the resort. I want, this is
12:41
Speaker 1: a resort experience. I'm not backpacking through the rainforest to
12:46
Speaker 1: commune with the ancient spirits. I have no interest in that.
12:51
Speaker 1: If the scrambled eggs aren't fluffy, I'm going to be loud.
12:55
Speaker 1: I'm going to, Santana's coming, we're going to smoke. Hmm.
12:59
Speaker 1: We're not going to partake in any physical strenuous activity
13:03
Speaker 1: if it bothers us, even to the slightest degree. Oh,
13:06
Speaker 1: walk up that hill, you get to see a view.
13:08
Speaker 1: Fuck off. You do it and take a photo of it.
13:10
Speaker 1: Show it to me on your iPhone. The swimming hole
13:14
Speaker 1: Mossman Gorge, I imagine, is safe. I believe it's safe.
13:18
Speaker 1: I mean, we already died once here in a fucking riptide.
13:21
Speaker 2: I know.
13:22
Speaker 1: So a swimming hole, it's a nice little hole in
13:25
Speaker 1: the water where we will sit... And probably smoke cigarettes.
13:32
Speaker 1: And look at the wildlife. And I would like if...
13:38
Speaker 1: And again... Again, if this was like an Island of Dr.
13:42
Speaker 1: Moreau situation where I put on a white jacket and
13:45
Speaker 1: I have like a device where if the animals get
13:49
Speaker 1: too close, they have little collars around their neck and
13:52
Speaker 1: I shock them and they can say, that wouldn't be
13:54
Speaker 1: the worst thing in the world. I like that. If
13:56
Speaker 1: there was a midget playing a piano, everyone hates that movie,
13:59
Speaker 1: but I don't. That, to me, is a fun vacation.
14:03
Speaker 1: But we must feel at all times superior to this
14:07
Speaker 1: ancient wisdom that really adds up to nothing. And if
14:10
Speaker 1: it added up to anything, they would have figured out
14:12
Speaker 1: how to make a bridge. It's what it is. This
14:14
Speaker 1: is a Western... show today. I am proud of cities.
14:19
Speaker 1: I am proud of dating apps. I am proud of Starbucks.
14:23
Speaker 1: I am proud that people can shove their cock in
14:24
Speaker 1: your mouth within five minutes of meeting them on the internet.
14:29
Speaker 1: I am proud of civilization. I'm proud of real estate.
14:32
Speaker 1: I'm proud of bidding wars. I'm proud of hollow existence.
14:36
Speaker 1: that is meant for all of us to just keep
14:39
Speaker 1: busy consuming shit we don't need. I'm fans of hollow,
14:44
Speaker 1: shallow relationships that ultimately don't matter. And I'm hoping we
14:49
Speaker 1: can incorporate that into this ancient spiritual landscape of the rainforest.
14:55
Speaker 1: Because if that was that good, if these rainforests mattered
14:59
Speaker 1: that much, shit would be going on there. And they
15:04
Speaker 1: vilify the developers that try to get into the rainforest.
15:07
Speaker 1: I mean, they vilify these poor people. Developers that try
15:11
Speaker 1: to put up luxury condos and luxury hotels in the
15:16
Speaker 1: rainforest are vilified, Ben. The logging companies, they are vilified.
15:22
Speaker 1: They are creating jobs. All they want to do is
15:26
Speaker 1: take a few acres of the rainforest, and I think
15:28
Speaker 1: we can spare a few acres for a nice complex,
15:32
Speaker 1: but they're vilified and attacked. Constantly.
15:36
Speaker 2: It's a growing rainforest, not shrinking. It's growing. But I
15:39
Speaker 2: saw immediately on the Daintree ice cream website, it says,
15:43
Speaker 2: what are your sustainable practices? That's a big question they get.
15:46
Speaker 2: And they're committed to preserving tropical North Queensland wildlife. So
15:49
Speaker 2: people do get upset about that.
15:51
Speaker 1: These broke bitches don't know how to franchise. They should
15:54
Speaker 1: be all over the fucking world. They should be serving
15:57
Speaker 1: this ice cream all over the fucking world. But they
15:59
Speaker 1: don't know how to do it. Because they're babbling about sustainability.
16:03
Speaker 1: How about this? Cut the shit. Stop with these faggoty
16:07
Speaker 1: flavors like wattle seed. and start putting chunks of fucking
16:16
Speaker 1: real brazilian coffee or whatever cocaine or australian marmite or
16:22
Speaker 1: you know i don't know i'm just saying what about
16:26
Speaker 1: a what about a pint of ice cream with a
16:28
Speaker 1: big cadbury cream egg in the middle and you call
16:31
Speaker 1: a journey to the center of the earth And you
16:33
Speaker 1: could have one of those flavors. You could say it's
16:36
Speaker 1: like mango ice cream or whatever, you know? But in
16:39
Speaker 1: the middle of it, there's a big Cadbury cream egg,
16:41
Speaker 1: and you could just gnaw at it. Yeah, yeah. So
16:45
Speaker 1: I understand that they're big into the sustainability, but I
16:48
Speaker 1: just don't want to lose... What do they call that?
16:50
Speaker 1: We're losing the what? Losing the... There's a... There's a expression.
16:57
Speaker 1: We're losing the narrative, losing the.
16:59
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, losing the narrative.
17:00
Speaker 1: I don't think that's it. We're losing the thread. I
17:02
Speaker 1: don't know. But what I mean is that I'm there
17:06
Speaker 1: to really enjoy the ice cream and maybe give them
17:08
Speaker 1: some advice on how to take their business to the
17:10
Speaker 1: next level. Because, you know, again, the witness of the
17:16
Speaker 1: world and the people that will tell you that, like,
17:18
Speaker 1: all animals want to live in the wild, that's completely untrue.
17:21
Speaker 1: That's completely untrue. Correct. Many dogs and cats are very
17:25
Speaker 1: happy being domesticated. I would say the majority of them.
17:28
Speaker 1: And I think many animals could and would have jobs
17:32
Speaker 1: if we were able to give them jobs because hanging
17:36
Speaker 1: out all day has got to be somewhat boring. If
17:38
Speaker 1: we could, if a gorilla could work at State Farm,
17:43
Speaker 1: own a house, and have a wife, I don't think
17:50
Speaker 1: he'd want to be in the wilderness anymore. Like some
17:53
Speaker 1: type of monster I'm going to ask these types of
17:59
Speaker 1: questions When we are on the river cruise I was
18:03
Speaker 1: treated very coldly You know, on that safari the other
18:07
Speaker 1: day When he was talking about the rhino horns And
18:10
Speaker 1: I made a very innocuous comment I said, well, it's
18:12
Speaker 1: a good business Because it is I mean, let's take
18:16
Speaker 1: morality out of it for a second It's a good
18:19
Speaker 1: business The rhino horn business in Africa right now, is
18:23
Speaker 1: a phenomenal business. It is a phenomenal opportunity to make $ 75, 000
18:29
Speaker 1: for a rhino horn. That is what the going rate is.
18:37
Speaker 1: I don't think it's maybe the greatest thing to do,
18:43
Speaker 1: but I just made a comment. Chinese fentanyl, good business.
18:48
Speaker 1: Don't do it. Don't take it. Don't sell it. but
18:52
Speaker 1: it's a great business if you're just talking money. So
18:56
Speaker 1: I'm just hoping this vacation is everything that I like. Luxury,
19:03
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21:45
Speaker 1: Because we're done with this tour. This tour started in
21:48
Speaker 1: September of 2020. At Vinnie Brand's Stress Factory Comedy Club
21:55
Speaker 1: Where they had an outdoor tent It was the first
21:57
Speaker 1: time I had done any stand-up In like six months
22:01
Speaker 1: Or however long Because we got shut down.
22:03
Speaker 2: In March.
22:06
Speaker 1: It was pretty wild And the tour was shut down
22:08
Speaker 1: twice For two surges of COVID And we kept doing
22:14
Speaker 1: bigger theaters And filling bigger venues We've toured all over
22:18
Speaker 1: America We've done every city in America. We've done every
22:22
Speaker 1: English-speaking country in the world, pretty much, outside of maybe
22:26
Speaker 1: South Africa. But, I mean, I don't know if you
22:30
Speaker 1: would call that an English-speaking country. but we've done Dublin,
22:34
Speaker 1: we've done Ireland, we've done Scotland, we've done London, we've
22:37
Speaker 1: done the UK, we've done Australia. We've gone everywhere. It's over.
22:41
Speaker 1: It's time to hang it up. There's nothing left to do.
22:44
Speaker 1: So this is a nice way me, you, and Sam
22:46
Speaker 1: Talent have a little vacation, a little three-day jaunt into
22:49
Speaker 1: the rainforest to kind of reflect on how fun it
22:53
Speaker 1: has been the last couple of days. I mean, the
22:57
Speaker 1: last couple of years doing this. It's been a lot.
22:59
Speaker 1: And we do apologize to a lot of the podcast
23:01
Speaker 1: fans who love the video episodes. We love doing them too.
23:05
Speaker 1: But it is very difficult to do a video episode.
23:08
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do it in a hotel room.
23:10
Speaker 1: But the good news is I will be back in
23:12
Speaker 1: my studio next week to analyze all of the funny
23:16
Speaker 1: and fun stories like the imminent nuclear war and the Florida,
23:21
Speaker 1: the gay people and Disney World versus Ron DeSantis and
23:26
Speaker 1: the PTA or whatever the hell we've been talking about
23:30
Speaker 1: in our country for the last five months. And here's
23:33
Speaker 1: another thing I'll say. I don't want Putin to use
23:36
Speaker 1: a nuclear weapon. I'm going to make that stipulation immediately.
23:41
Speaker 1: But I will tell you this. The Ukrainian war is
23:46
Speaker 1: getting so fucking boring that if there is not something,
23:56
Speaker 1: I'm no longer watching. And I'm barely going to talk
23:59
Speaker 1: about it. It's gotten like COVID. It doesn't seem dangerous
24:04
Speaker 1: there anymore. Boris Johnson's going. Pelosi's going. They're all visiting
24:08
Speaker 1: with Zelensky. I mean, pretty soon my fat agent is
24:13
Speaker 1: going to have me in Kiev doing a show. It
24:16
Speaker 1: doesn't seem that dangerous. So while I do not want
24:22
Speaker 1: Vladimir Putin to use a nuclear weapon in Ukraine, what
24:27
Speaker 1: I am saying is that if this show... doesn't get better,
24:35
Speaker 1: if it doesn't have a new storyline, I'm no longer watching.
24:43
Speaker 1: What a small tactical nuclear weapon would do is it
24:47
Speaker 1: would give the story a little bit more relevance. I'm
24:52
Speaker 1: not saying you should do it. I'm against it. If
24:56
Speaker 1: it happened, I would cover it more. It's not worth it.
25:02
Speaker 1: I mean, we do a great job covering it. But
25:07
Speaker 1: it's cost-benefit. And I don't want the Ukraine to be nuked.
25:10
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is, I'm getting very bored. What is
25:13
Speaker 1: going on in the Ukraine now? Is it even still happening?
25:16
Speaker 2: Well, they had the genocide, as you know.
25:18
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. But I believe you.
25:24
Speaker 2: So lately... Putin has said on record, if someone intends
25:27
Speaker 2: to interfere in what is going on from the outside,
25:30
Speaker 2: they must know that constitutes an unacceptable strategic threat to Russia.
25:35
Speaker 2: They must know that our response to counterstrikes will be
25:37
Speaker 2: lightning fast.
25:38
Speaker 1: That bitch has been saying that. We've been arming the Ukraine.
25:41
Speaker 1: We've been funding the Ukraine. And yes, he's got hypersonic
25:44
Speaker 1: missiles that can hit New York City, but we're a
25:46
Speaker 1: big fucking country and we will just launch and Russia
25:50
Speaker 1: will be over.
25:51
Speaker 2: I believe this is the first time he says, you know,
25:53
Speaker 2: we will use them. Like if anything happens, we will
25:55
Speaker 2: absolutely use them.
25:56
Speaker 1: The ruling class in our country wants nuclear war. You
26:00
Speaker 1: can't scare us. They want to nuke us. This is
26:04
Speaker 1: not something that they're even trying to avoid. Who are
26:07
Speaker 1: you scaring with that? These people want a couple of
26:11
Speaker 1: mushroom clouds. They want that. That way they can flatten Russia.
26:15
Speaker 1: I mean, we will go crazy if we are nuked.
26:20
Speaker 2: So did you see the news that broke this morning?
26:23
Speaker 2: That he is undergoing Cancer operation Yes So Putin is
26:27
Speaker 2: undergoing Cancer operation Well.
26:28
Speaker 1: Can I say something Can I say something Go on
26:31
Speaker 1: yeah I wish him well I don't And I don't
26:38
Speaker 1: I'm not going to start Wishing death on people.
26:48
Speaker 2: Well he has Abdominal cancer And Parkinson's disease That is
26:51
Speaker 2: what they're reporting So It's a sudden onset.
26:54
Speaker 1: You know, everybody's like, well, Russia's bad to gay people.
26:56
Speaker 1: Is Ukraine great to gay people? Where is this idea
26:59
Speaker 1: that the Ukraine is like some, like, San Francisco level
27:03
Speaker 1: of tolerance there? Literally, I heard from somebody the other
27:06
Speaker 1: day who dated a Ukrainian chick. She said, my brothers
27:10
Speaker 1: would just go beat up, if they saw a black person,
27:12
Speaker 1: they'd go beat him up. That's literally what she said.
27:14
Speaker 1: That was literally a quote from her. I'm not making
27:16
Speaker 1: that up. I'm against the war. Putin's a scumbag. But
27:20
Speaker 1: let me just tell you, that is what I heard.
27:22
Speaker 1: Is it hearsay?
27:23
Speaker 3: Maybe.
27:24
Speaker 1: Is it, what do you call it, anecdotal? Absolutely, that
27:28
Speaker 1: is what I heard. The idea that the Ukraine is
27:34
Speaker 1: like a bastion of tolerance is untrue. Neither is Russia.
27:40
Speaker 1: I don't really, I'm just saying I'm against war. What
27:45
Speaker 1: I am saying is that I'm incredibly bored. I'm incredibly
27:50
Speaker 1: bored with this.
27:52
Speaker 2: Well, they're sort of foreshadowing here that there could be
27:54
Speaker 2: a changing of the guard, because Putin's health problems could deteriorate,
27:59
Speaker 2: is what they're speculating, and it's going to be handed
28:00
Speaker 2: off to Spymaster Petrushev. So that could be a whole interesting...
28:05
Speaker 2: That could be a whole different set of narratives right there.
28:07
Speaker 2: A new king in power.
28:09
Speaker 1: Well, that guy's even worse from what I've read, right?
28:12
Speaker 2: That's what I've read, too, yeah.
28:14
Speaker 1: Right.
28:15
Speaker 3: So.
28:15
Speaker 1: He's a real Bill de Blasio.
28:19
Speaker 4: Um.
28:20
Speaker 2: This is him, Nikolai Petrushin.
28:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's not going to de-escalate. Right. Nobody named Nikolai
28:30
Speaker 1: is going to come in there and.
28:32
Speaker 1: So Putin is undergoing cancer treatments.
28:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, but apparently he has Parkinson's too, which I didn't know.
28:38
Speaker 2: But those videos have been going viral of him not really...
28:41
Speaker 2: He hasn't been able to really sit upright in his chair.
28:43
Speaker 2: I'm sure you've seen those. He just doesn't look well, but...
28:48
Speaker 2: Is anyone speculating that that's poisoning from what you've heard?
28:51
Speaker 2: Or is he just, it's just coincidence that he's getting sick?
28:53
Speaker 1: No one has speculated to me personally that he's being poisoned. Okay.
28:58
Speaker 2: It's just interesting in terms of the timeliness.
29:00
Speaker 1: Of it, but. Perhaps, but I do think it's widely
29:03
Speaker 1: known that he has been having health struggles.
29:05
Speaker 2: And I think that that is unfortunate. Well, he will
29:09
Speaker 2: be going under surgery soon, it seems. And he'll be
29:12
Speaker 2: incapacitated during that surgery.
29:14
Speaker 1: So then there might be some type of maybe a
29:17
Speaker 1: coup Something might go down over there Nice Interesting Whatever
29:24
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I'm done I'm done I donated 5,000
29:28
Speaker 1: Bitcoin I wish everyone well I hope they succeed I
29:31
Speaker 1: hope they drive out the invaders I hope they set
29:35
Speaker 1: up a fun world for themselves That is not my
29:38
Speaker 1: concern My concern is finally it's time to release I
29:41
Speaker 1: have to relax. It's time for me to relax. It's
29:43
Speaker 1: time for me to relax. It's time for me to
29:46
Speaker 1: take a vacation. I can't be concerned with the nonsense.
29:51
Speaker 1: We have a horrible economy in this country that is
29:53
Speaker 1: preventing people like myself from from going around the world
29:58
Speaker 1: and abusing other people. And that's wrong. The cost of
30:03
Speaker 1: fuel right now is preventing fat Americans from getting on
30:07
Speaker 1: planes and destroying whatever land mass they happen to be in.
30:13
Speaker 1: It's not right. We need to bring the cost of
30:15
Speaker 1: things down. It's true. The inflation is crazy. The interest
30:19
Speaker 1: rates are spiking. People want to buy homes. And if
30:23
Speaker 1: people cannot buy a home, that will eventually collapse on
30:27
Speaker 1: top of them and kill them, metaphorically, not even literally.
30:31
Speaker 1: But I mean, you know, that's what it's about. You
30:34
Speaker 1: and your wife should start thinking about, in the future,
30:37
Speaker 1: buying a home.
30:38
Speaker 2: Oh, I've been looking all over the place.
30:40
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? To have a home. To
30:42
Speaker 1: have something that you have to pay for every month,
30:46
Speaker 1: whether you enjoy it or like it or not. To
30:49
Speaker 1: just have that weight. To have that debt. Debt is beautiful.
30:55
Speaker 1: That's the closest you'll ever get to God. The closest
30:59
Speaker 1: you'll ever get to God is debt. Because we owe
31:02
Speaker 1: a debt. When we come into the world, we're owed
31:05
Speaker 1: a debt. You owe a debt for just living. So
31:08
Speaker 1: the way to glorify God and to glorify that debt
31:12
Speaker 1: that you owe is to take on more debt. More debt.
31:18
Speaker 1: And that weight of the debt, that crushing weight, holding
31:22
Speaker 1: that up every day, It's Sisyphus with the, you know,
31:27
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31:30
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm very excited to get back to America.
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Speaker 1: The code is timdillon for 20% off. And next week,
35:01
Speaker 1: we're going to do a special of summer vacation spots
35:05
Speaker 1: for the poor. Because a lot of people right now
35:11
Speaker 1: are fucked. And they need to know where they can
35:14
Speaker 1: go on a vacation and enjoy themselves. We are going
35:18
Speaker 1: to suggest 10 summer vacation spots. It's going to be
35:23
Speaker 1: a very big episode. It's our first episode from the studio.
35:26
Speaker 1: Get excited. And I want you to watch this with
35:28
Speaker 1: your family. Because it's going to be 10 vacation spots
35:33
Speaker 1: that you can go to even though your lives are horrible.
35:37
Speaker 1: Even though you have a horrible life that has been
35:40
Speaker 1: destroyed by forces you can barely understand, you should be
35:44
Speaker 1: able to shimmy your diseased fat ass down to some
35:49
Speaker 1: type of swimming hole or crick and go in there.
35:54
Speaker 1: You should be able to eat a hot dog. You
35:56
Speaker 1: should be able to watch Nikki Glaser's new show on E!
36:04
Speaker 1: You should be able to enjoy the summer. You should
36:08
Speaker 1: enjoy the summer. And we have got 10 spots that
36:12
Speaker 1: are going to be perfect. And we're actually going to
36:17
Speaker 1: try to do it. I actually thought we were going
36:18
Speaker 1: to do a bit where we were going to say
36:20
Speaker 1: like the Hamptons, Nantucket, places like that. We are actually
36:23
Speaker 1: not going to do that. I thought differently because we
36:26
Speaker 1: were going to do a bit where I would get
36:28
Speaker 1: on and go an average Hamptons rental in the summer
36:32
Speaker 1: would be $ 50, 000 a month or $ 100, 000 a month. The
36:37
Speaker 1: whole big joke was going to be that all of
36:39
Speaker 1: the nice places in America you'd been priced out of.
36:42
Speaker 1: That was going to be the bit, but I think
36:44
Speaker 1: that's number one. You could kind of see it coming.
36:46
Speaker 1: Number two, it's cruel. We are actually going to literally
36:52
Speaker 1: scour this earth. Where did you grow up going to vacation?
36:56
Speaker 1: Like Port Aransas and stuff like that. That's right. We're
36:58
Speaker 1: going there. What is it? Padre Island?
37:00
Speaker 2: Padre Island.
37:01
Speaker 1: We are going to showcase... The top ten areas that
37:05
Speaker 1: you could... I want you to take a family trip
37:07
Speaker 1: for under $ 1, 200. I want you to take a family
37:12
Speaker 1: trip for almost no money. And it's, you know, it's
37:17
Speaker 1: not going to be Nantucket. It's not going to be
37:19
Speaker 1: the Four Seasons in Maui. But we're going to tell
37:23
Speaker 1: you ten places that you can take your disgusting family
37:29
Speaker 1: so that they can remember, because it's about creating the
37:33
Speaker 1: memories for the children. And we are going to really
37:40
Speaker 1: scour the country. And I'm excited because, what is it,
37:44
Speaker 1: Puerto Ranz, what is it?
37:46
Speaker 2: South Padre Island.
37:47
Speaker 1: And what is that?
37:49
Speaker 2: It's just, you know, there's oil factories and needles. The
37:53
Speaker 2: water's very gross. Have you swam in the Gulf of Texas?
37:55
Speaker 1: I have never gone near it.
37:57
Speaker 2: The Gulf of Mexico, they call it. Not even once.
37:58
Speaker 1: Excuse me.
37:59
Speaker 2: Well, it's brown. So it's like the color of lake water.
38:02
Speaker 2: It's kind of like this. We're looking at the Brisbane
38:05
Speaker 2: River a little bit.
38:06
Speaker 1: But you can swim in it.
38:08
Speaker 4: Yeah.
38:09
Speaker 1: And I bet there are tacos, right?
38:12
Speaker 2: There's like, I remember we ate a lot of imitation
38:16
Speaker 2: crab meat.
38:17
Speaker 1: That's right, which is Pollock. And Pollock is not bad.
38:21
Speaker 2: You go to the supermarket there.
38:22
Speaker 1: Eat in Pollock on Padre Island? Sign me up.
38:26
Speaker 2: So what you do is you go to like you
38:28
Speaker 2: get the really cheap crab or imitation crab meat. You
38:31
Speaker 2: go back to your hotel.
38:32
Speaker 1: Get some Hellman's.
38:34
Speaker 2: You get Hellman's or you boil it and then you
38:37
Speaker 2: get a thing of butter and boil the butter and
38:39
Speaker 2: then you dip your hand.
38:40
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah. Not bad. Not bad.
38:45
Speaker 2: I think we were watching a Project Runway on the TV.
38:47
Speaker 2: It was a fun vacation.
38:48
Speaker 1: That's that was an odd turn.
38:50
Speaker 3: Why?
38:51
Speaker 1: You're watching your Christian family is eating Pollock and watching
38:54
Speaker 1: Project Runway.
38:55
Speaker 2: My mother loved the show in the mid-2000s.
38:57
Speaker 1: Interesting.
38:57
Speaker 2: Heidi Klum was great. I loved that show. Tim Gunn
39:00
Speaker 2: was phenomenal.
39:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, that Nazi bitch. Now, I'm just saying, I'm excited
39:08
Speaker 1: because there are all kinds of areas that are for,
39:13
Speaker 1: you know, people that are struggling. And we don't remember them.
39:18
Speaker 4: Yeah.
39:19
Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
39:20
Speaker 1: We don't remember these people and they're ignored in our
39:23
Speaker 1: society and I'm against that. But what I can do,
39:26
Speaker 1: what we can do is put out a list of
39:31
Speaker 1: 10 places that maybe are more affordable because they are
39:38
Speaker 1: the sites of ecological disasters, or they've been linked to
39:42
Speaker 1: higher rates of cancer, or there is maybe some violence.
39:50
Speaker 1: in and or near the area. So you gotta be alert.
39:55
Speaker 1: You just gotta be alert. For example, I'm just gonna throw,
39:59
Speaker 1: if you wanna take a trip, how about Port Moresby
40:03
Speaker 1: in Papua New Guinea? Now, Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea,
40:09
Speaker 1: is a tropical destination for the discerning world traveler. Now,
40:16
Speaker 1: 80% of the women that live in Port Moresby are
40:20
Speaker 1: Subject to sexual assault. And that is not good. And
40:25
Speaker 1: there are many crimes committed against tourists involving bush knives, machetes,
40:31
Speaker 1: or things like that. That being said, I think it
40:35
Speaker 1: can be an affordable destination for a family. The flight
40:42
Speaker 1: will be expensive. Can you read some statistics about Port Moresby, Papua,
40:48
Speaker 1: New Guinea?
40:49
Speaker 2: Yes, this is... This is very high. Some of the
40:52
Speaker 2: highest in the world, if not the highest.
40:53
Speaker 1: What?
40:54
Speaker 2: Well, the level of crime is insane in Port Moresby.
40:57
Speaker 1: Yes, but listen. I don't focus on negatives. I'm trying
41:02
Speaker 1: to alert people.
41:05
Speaker 3: Okay.
41:05
Speaker 1: Because the flights are going to be expensive, but once
41:07
Speaker 1: you go there, it gets real cheap.
41:08
Speaker 2: Okay, so this is, I'm on Numbio.com, which does statistics
41:13
Speaker 2: of crime in the world, it looks like. So we
41:16
Speaker 2: have crime in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea.
41:18
Speaker 4: Right.
41:19
Speaker 2: Here we go.
41:19
Speaker 1: Here we go.
41:20
Speaker 2: Okay. So you understand how crime index works?
41:24
Speaker 1: No, I don't.
41:25
Speaker 2: So if something is like the crime index is 82.15 here.
41:29
Speaker 1: Meaning what? That is your chance out of every 100 people?
41:35
Speaker 2: It's the scale of 0 or 100 for value since
41:38
Speaker 2: it's easier to read for users. It generates a current index,
41:41
Speaker 2: uses data up to 36 months old. Trying to figure
41:44
Speaker 2: out what this means exactly.
41:46
Speaker 1: Does crime ruin a vacation or is it a fun story?
41:51
Speaker 1: That's another great point. Would a crime being committed against
41:56
Speaker 1: you ruin the entire vacation? Or would it be a
42:00
Speaker 1: fun story to look back on years later and say
42:05
Speaker 1: we watched our father get stripped naked in the middle
42:09
Speaker 1: of the street and robbed. Many families don't even like
42:13
Speaker 1: each other. So this idea that violent crime is going
42:17
Speaker 1: to turn off everybody isn't true.
42:19
Speaker 2: Oh, so it means per 1,000 people.
42:21
Speaker 1: So per 1,000 people, 100 of them or 80-something are
42:24
Speaker 1: getting it?
42:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, so worries, home, broken, and things stolen, 77. So
42:29
Speaker 2: 77 out of 1,000 people in a period of three
42:32
Speaker 2: years have got their home broken into and things are stolen.
42:34
Speaker 1: Right, but again, if you're a traveler and you're staying
42:37
Speaker 1: at the Hilton Port Moresby and you keep to yourself
42:41
Speaker 1: and you're smart, I think it'll be fine.
42:45
Speaker 2: You will be a victim of a violent crime, such
42:49
Speaker 2: as assault or armed robbery. It's 84 out of 1,000. Hey,
42:54
Speaker 2: I don't think it's that bad.
42:58
Speaker 1: I really don't.
43:01
Speaker 2: Being subject to a physical attack because of your skin
43:04
Speaker 2: color or ethnic origin, gender, or religion, 71 out of 1,000. Hey,
43:07
Speaker 2: not bad. Not bad to me.
43:15
Speaker 1: Get the kids on the plane. Tell us about some
43:18
Speaker 1: of the hotels. There's a Hilton. Oh, is there? Okay.
43:21
Speaker 1: Can we call the Hilton Port Moresby right now? Can
43:25
Speaker 1: we call the Hilton Port Moresby right now on my phone?
43:28
Speaker 1: Can't we do it? My phone's right over there. Can
43:30
Speaker 1: we get them on the phone? Because I want to take...
43:33
Speaker 1: I have a family, and we're trying to take a
43:35
Speaker 1: trip to Port Moresby, the most violent city on Earth,
43:39
Speaker 1: from what they say. But they've never been to, you know,
43:42
Speaker 1: America before. I'd like you to do it through WhatsApp
43:45
Speaker 1: or whatever. Let's get these people on the phone. Do
43:48
Speaker 1: they speak English? I think they will because it's an
43:53
Speaker 1: international chain, Hilton.
43:59
Speaker 2: This might be the first time they get a call
44:01
Speaker 2: from an LA number, maybe.
44:03
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
44:04
Speaker 2: Or Beverly Hills number, possibly.
44:05
Speaker 1: Let's see here. I don't think so. I bet there's
44:07
Speaker 1: a lot of directors, actors, producers that want to go
44:10
Speaker 1: over there and whack people with machetes.
44:12
Speaker 3: Yes.
44:13
Speaker 1: They probably have a tour for people that want to
44:16
Speaker 1: go over there, take a break from the California sun
44:18
Speaker 1: and go hack people with Bush knives. Okay.
44:23
Speaker 2: I'm calling the Hilton right now.
44:26
Speaker 1: I watched a whole thing the other day where it's
44:28
Speaker 1: like hostile, that movie with Eli Roth. That's true.
44:31
Speaker 2: In Port Moresby?
44:32
Speaker 1: No, in other places. Like people just go and kill
44:35
Speaker 1: people in, in, you know. Okay.
44:39
Speaker 2: That's the, that's the number. Looks like a good location. Actually,
44:47
Speaker 2: it's kind of pretty on the Google images here.
44:50
Speaker 1: Why aren't they answering? How are you? Is this the
44:57
Speaker 1: Hilton in Port Moresby? Thank you so much. I'm trying
45:03
Speaker 1: to come there with my family for a summer vacation,
45:06
Speaker 1: but we've heard that the Port Moresby is very dangerous.
45:09
Speaker 1: Is that true?
45:13
Speaker 4: All right, sir. It's a good place, but as they said,
45:21
Speaker 4: you have to.
45:25
Speaker 3: Just be on transport.
45:28
Speaker 1: Right. So if I go there with my family, is
45:31
Speaker 1: it a nice place where we can walk around, or
45:33
Speaker 1: is there a chance that there'll be a problem?
45:39
Speaker 3: In the hotel premises?
45:41
Speaker 1: Well, let's say we left the hotel.
45:46
Speaker 3: All right, yeah, so I don't think it's safe.
45:51
Speaker 1: To leave the hotel?
45:53
Speaker 3: Yes.
45:55
Speaker 1: But if we stayed at the hotel, it's nice. Do
45:57
Speaker 1: you have a pool?
45:59
Speaker 4: Yes, we have a pool at the hotel.
46:01
Speaker 1: Do you have in-room dining?
46:02
Speaker 3: Yes, we have in-room dining, and we have a complimentary
46:08
Speaker 3: shuttle to the mall.
46:09
Speaker 1: Now, what is that? Okay, so as long as we
46:22
Speaker 1: stay in our hotel and go to the pool and
46:26
Speaker 1: don't leave the hotel for any reason, you think we'll
46:28
Speaker 1: be fine? Because there are guards. But now, if we
46:38
Speaker 1: left the hotel, that's where we might run into a
46:42
Speaker 1: real problem.
46:45
Speaker 4: So it depends on where you want to go.
46:49
Speaker 1: Right. Yes. What are the attractions in the area? All right.
46:58
Speaker 3: We have the National Museum as well as the Botanical Gardens,
47:06
Speaker 3: the nature parks. We can organize a taxi for you
47:09
Speaker 3: or we can organize Black Swan VIP transport service.
47:13
Speaker 4: Take you there.
47:14
Speaker 1: Right, so if we're in the taxi on the way
47:18
Speaker 1: to the Botanical Garden, we'll probably be safe.
47:23
Speaker 4: Yes, so we can get the taxi's number and the
47:28
Speaker 4: plate number, so we keep track of who and what's
47:31
Speaker 4: going on.
47:32
Speaker 1: That's good, so that makes me feel better. You'll keep
47:34
Speaker 1: track of the plate number on the taxi.
47:43
Speaker 4: Well, so we only get comfort taxis.
47:46
Speaker 3: Those are the reliable taxis in Port Moresby.
47:49
Speaker 1: Right, but it's not the type of place where we
47:53
Speaker 1: would want to just go walk around. Yes. Okay, but
47:59
Speaker 1: the in-room dining is good. Is it tasty?
48:01
Speaker 3: Yes, it's tasty.
48:05
Speaker 4: It's 24 hours, so you can order.
48:07
Speaker 1: Well, I like that. Well, you've sold me because the
48:10
Speaker 1: hotel has guards around it and you can order the
48:14
Speaker 1: food at any time you want.
48:17
Speaker 3: Yes.
48:18
Speaker 1: Well, it sounds good. Yes.
48:20
Speaker 4: Yes, we also have the coppa bar that's on ground level,
48:24
Speaker 4: fish restaurant level one. And we also have the momo restaurant.
48:30
Speaker 3: It's from Wednesday to Saturday. It's local traditional food.
48:35
Speaker 1: Right. And it's just our only issue is that if
48:39
Speaker 1: we were to leave the hotel for any reason, there's
48:42
Speaker 1: a chance we could get attacked by a machete.
48:44
Speaker 4: All right.
48:47
Speaker 1: Yeah.
48:48
Speaker 4: So we can arrange tech like transport for you if
48:51
Speaker 4: you want to go somewhere.
48:53
Speaker 1: Right. Because that's the whole thing. Do you give out
48:58
Speaker 1: for the people that are staying in the hotel? Will
48:59
Speaker 1: you give them, would you give us machetes so we
49:02
Speaker 1: could at least defend ourself? Would you give us machetes
49:08
Speaker 1: so that we could defend ourselves on the street?
49:10
Speaker 3: All right.
49:14
Speaker 4: I'm not sure about that.
49:17
Speaker 1: Okay. alright well listen you've sold me on this and
49:20
Speaker 1: I really appreciate all of your help thank you I'm
49:23
Speaker 1: very excited about my trip.
49:24
Speaker 4: Alright hopefully we see you soon.
49:28
Speaker 1: Here at Hilton yes I'm very excited about it sounds
49:32
Speaker 1: it sounds lovely alright thank you so much thank you
49:40
Speaker 1: Hold on. Give me, let me, let me. What? What? Good.
49:51
Speaker 1: How are you? What's going on? Well, we extended till
50:00
Speaker 1: 12 last night. Yeah. Yeah. We extended till 12 at
50:07
Speaker 1: the reception. Thank you very much. Enough already.
50:21
Speaker 2: What was that about?
50:21
Speaker 1: I don't know. She wants us out of here. But
50:23
Speaker 1: that Port Moresby sounds lovely.
50:27
Speaker 2: The Hilton looks, it's the nicest Hilton I've ever seen.
50:30
Speaker 2: It's great. Look at this.
50:30
Speaker 1: It's great.
50:32
Speaker 2: Look at that.
50:33
Speaker 1: It's lovely. That's CGI. But it's nice. What's the problem?
50:40
Speaker 1: That woman sounded like she was pretty, you know, she sounded...
50:46
Speaker 1: pretty hopeful about our prospects. The only thing is you
50:52
Speaker 1: can't leave the hotel. Right. And if you leave the hotel,
50:55
Speaker 1: they will arrange a specific taxi for you to take
50:59
Speaker 1: you to your murder scene. Well, these are the types
51:05
Speaker 1: of things that we're going to do next week. We're
51:06
Speaker 1: very excited about this because we have to get realistic.
51:10
Speaker 1: You're not going to go to Anguilla. You know what
51:15
Speaker 1: I mean? You're just not. So what you're going to
51:18
Speaker 1: do is get realistic, and there's going to have to
51:21
Speaker 1: be certain things that you just fucking live with. If
51:25
Speaker 1: you want to enjoy a nice vacation in Port Moresby.
51:31
Speaker 2: You think that's CGI? Because look how nice that looks.
51:35
Speaker 1: I believe it is CGI, yes. But God love that woman.
51:42
Speaker 1: And I'm very excited about it. And if I had
51:44
Speaker 1: a family, I would take them there over Padre Island.
51:49
Speaker 1: Where would you stay in Padre Island?
51:52
Speaker 2: Oh, just they have motels. They have motels along the
51:55
Speaker 2: beach there.
51:57
Speaker 1: Right. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's nice. Delaware. because they
52:01
Speaker 1: have some beaches and some college kids, and you can
52:04
Speaker 1: go cheat on your wife with a college girl while
52:08
Speaker 1: your wife feeds your fat kids clams. You could go
52:13
Speaker 1: give a college girl $ 1, 000 to hop on the dick.
52:19
Speaker 1: Is there something wrong with that? My podcast with Alec
52:22
Speaker 1: Baldwin came out. Do people like it? Are the reviews good,
52:25
Speaker 1: or are they not?
52:28
Speaker 2: It seems like people are... excited about it. It looks
52:31
Speaker 2: like it was edited down, but I have no problem
52:32
Speaker 2: with that.
52:35
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, a lot of people do podcasts and
52:37
Speaker 1: then edit them down.
52:38
Speaker 2: That's fine.
52:39
Speaker 1: For reasons, who knows?
52:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, who knows?
52:43
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Speaker 1: watches and I love them. Are you excited about this
56:24
Speaker 1: rainforest trip?
56:25
Speaker 2: I'm a little.
56:26
Speaker 1: You really don't seem excited. No, no, no. You tried
56:29
Speaker 1: to get out of it like nine times. No, no, no, no, no.
56:32
Speaker 2: I'm excited about it. I'm scared of a couple things.
56:36
Speaker 1: The private plane.
56:38
Speaker 2: Well, one, I'm scared of a private plane. So I
56:40
Speaker 2: read statistics this morning and looked into it.
56:42
Speaker 1: They're not good.
56:43
Speaker 2: They're not great.
56:43
Speaker 1: But that's the same thing with Port Moresby. You heard
56:47
Speaker 1: the woman. Just stay in your room. Don't go looking
56:51
Speaker 1: for a problem. Statistics. If you start reading statistics, you'll
56:55
Speaker 1: be off Twitter.
56:56
Speaker 3: Right.
56:56
Speaker 1: Keep going.
56:57
Speaker 2: Second thing is this is a wild excursion, this whole
57:01
Speaker 2: Australian trip. And I feel like nature is trying to
57:03
Speaker 2: kill us around every corner.
57:04
Speaker 1: Yes. But that's why I am telling you right now.
57:08
Speaker 1: When they say that people aren't more powerful than nature,
57:10
Speaker 1: that's untrue. That's untrue, Ben. That's untrue.
57:16
Speaker 2: The ocean sucked us out into the sea.
57:19
Speaker 1: The ocean owns nothing. What's the market cap on the ocean?
57:25
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about nature. I'm worried about nurture. The people.
57:31
Speaker 1: Nature doesn't scare me. They have anti-venom. I don't even
57:39
Speaker 1: think these animals are dangerous in the rainforest to treat kangaroo.
57:44
Speaker 2: Is it true you can be allergic to antivenom when
57:46
Speaker 2: they give it to you and then you find out?
57:48
Speaker 1: I don't know.
57:52
Speaker 2: So there are dangerous creatures in the area. Do you
57:55
Speaker 2: want me to read them off to you?
57:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, tell me what the dangerous creatures in the area are.
57:59
Speaker 2: There's the aracondi jellyfish, the box jellyfish, the blue-ringed octopus.
58:06
Speaker 1: That'll kill you, the blue ring.
58:09
Speaker 2: The stonefish.
58:10
Speaker 1: Yes, that'll kill you.
58:12
Speaker 2: Crocodiles.
58:13
Speaker 1: They'll do it.
58:14
Speaker 2: And there are sharks in the area. We're moving on
58:18
Speaker 2: to snakes now. There's the red-bellied black snake, the brown snake,
58:23
Speaker 2: the tiger snake, the death adder, and the typin. Arachnids.
58:29
Speaker 2: Ready for arachnids? This one will affect you more than me,
58:33
Speaker 2: even though I've been bit by a brown recluse. You
58:36
Speaker 2: have the paralysis tick.
58:38
Speaker 1: Okay.
58:39
Speaker 2: A funnel web spider.
58:41
Speaker 1: That's right.
58:41
Speaker 2: And you have a redback spider.
58:43
Speaker 1: Right.
58:44
Speaker 2: Those are your enemies in the Daintree Raid 4.
58:46
Speaker 1: But isn't the real danger inequality? Like, isn't that the
58:53
Speaker 1: real problem? Isn't that the underlying issue here? Isn't that
58:58
Speaker 1: the real issue? If we're going to look at, you know,
59:02
Speaker 1: would the blue-ringed octopus be nearly as dangerous if it
59:07
Speaker 1: could work? Why are you so worried about these things?
59:16
Speaker 2: As soon as we got here, the nature tried to
59:21
Speaker 2: take our own lives. They tried to take us back
59:24
Speaker 2: into the earth where we die and then eventually be
59:27
Speaker 2: stardust once again. It wants us to return to Back
59:30
Speaker 2: into its soil I'll never.
59:32
Speaker 1: Be Stardust I'll be another kind of dust But that's
59:39
Speaker 1: a real That's some Joni Mitchell song We're not gonna
59:41
Speaker 1: be Stardust We might be Starshit But nature is trying
59:47
Speaker 1: to kill you All the time Because nature does not
59:51
Speaker 1: like Winners And we've won You think Alec Baldwin's afraid
59:56
Speaker 1: of nature, Ben? No You think a guy like that
59:59
Speaker 1: gives a shit? Another guy on that set got bit
1:00:03
Speaker 1: by a brown recluse spider and almost lost his arm.
1:00:07
Speaker 1: But Alec Baldwin did not. You know why? Because Alec
1:00:11
Speaker 1: Baldwin doesn't walk around like a pussy. I think you
1:00:18
Speaker 1: make way too much out of nature. You've got to
1:00:20
Speaker 1: show nature you're the boss. You're the boss. I don't
1:00:25
Speaker 1: even know that we have to leave our room. We
1:00:27
Speaker 1: have floor to ceiling windows Why do we have to leave?
1:00:31
Speaker 2: You just look at it from the outside Can you
1:00:34
Speaker 2: calm me down with the private plane thing a little bit?
1:00:37
Speaker 1: Yes There's a 50% chance we'll be okay We've got
1:00:45
Speaker 1: some drunk Australian up there Who's fucking lazy And we're
1:00:50
Speaker 1: on some piece of shit plane Going through the rainforest
1:00:56
Speaker 1: I feel.
1:00:56
Speaker 2: Fine I mean, I can't wait to see, because the
1:01:00
Speaker 2: business manager is hooking this up. I can't wait to
1:01:03
Speaker 2: see what this thing is going to look like.
1:01:05
Speaker 1: He can't have us die. He needs us to keep
1:01:08
Speaker 1: earning money.
1:01:08
Speaker 2: That's true.
1:01:09
Speaker 1: He's going to do the right thing. This is the
1:01:11
Speaker 1: one thing that I have faith in him, because he
1:01:14
Speaker 1: can't have us die. We make money. So he wants
1:01:18
Speaker 1: to keep us alive at all costs. I think we'll
1:01:22
Speaker 1: be fine. Okay. I think we'll be fine. We're flying
1:01:26
Speaker 1: a private plane with a drunk... Into the rainforest I
1:01:31
Speaker 1: don't think it's a big deal I really don't And
1:01:37
Speaker 1: if you die, you die You've already accomplished a lot
1:01:43
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think you have to be Your
1:01:45
Speaker 1: wife will bounce back She'll marry your brother No Why?
1:01:52
Speaker 1: Why deny them that happiness? I'm just saying If it
1:01:58
Speaker 1: is our fate to careen down and die in the
1:02:04
Speaker 1: Australian outback in a plane crash and be eaten by animals,
1:02:08
Speaker 1: if that is our fate, it is our fate. It's
1:02:10
Speaker 1: not a big deal. You know?
1:02:14
Speaker 2: I read one comforting statistic.
1:02:16
Speaker 4: Yes.
1:02:17
Speaker 2: Is that you survive 95% of plane malfunctions or crashes.
1:02:22
Speaker 2: Is that true?
1:02:22
Speaker 1: That is absolutely untrue.
1:02:24
Speaker 2: God, I didn't think it was, but I read it.
1:02:26
Speaker 1: I don't know where you read that. That is absolutely,
1:02:30
Speaker 1: that is completely made up. That is a completely pretend
1:02:35
Speaker 1: statistic that I've never heard in my life. I'm just saying, man,
1:02:40
Speaker 1: you should relax. We're going to a place where there
1:02:43
Speaker 1: are deadly people, but nothing's more deadly than the white man,
1:02:47
Speaker 1: the white American male. We've got red blood in our veins.
1:02:51
Speaker 1: We don't give a shit. I'm telling you right now,
1:02:54
Speaker 1: these things can only kill you if you let them
1:02:56
Speaker 1: in your head, Ben.
1:02:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right.
1:03:00
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. They're scared of us. Those animals are
1:03:04
Speaker 1: scared of us. They're scared of us building cities and
1:03:06
Speaker 1: making them get jobs. They're scared of competition. They're scared
1:03:11
Speaker 1: of being outed as pussies. We've got nuclear weapons. We've
1:03:16
Speaker 1: got Amy Schumer. We've got it all. We've got big
1:03:19
Speaker 1: Ukrainian flags flying all over Texas. We've got the machinery
1:03:23
Speaker 1: of death. We've got secret societies. We've got international pedophile cults.
1:03:29
Speaker 1: We've got organ trading and human trafficking. We've got everything.
1:03:34
Speaker 1: We've got war and violence and chaos. We've got media empires,
1:03:38
Speaker 1: international lifestyle brands. We've got influencers and TikTokers. We've got
1:03:43
Speaker 1: mansions with square footage and infinity pools. We've got bridges.
1:03:48
Speaker 1: We've got cruise liners where fat people take tours of shitholes.
1:03:54
Speaker 1: We've got everything. We've got politicians on the take. We've
1:03:59
Speaker 1: invented bribery, extortion, corruption. We murder for the sake of it,
1:04:04
Speaker 1: for fun. We've got gangs, both national and international. We've
1:04:08
Speaker 1: got militias. We've got religion. We've got all kinds of things. Crazy.
1:04:15
Speaker 1: pedophile priests and pastors marrying 16 year olds. We've got
1:04:20
Speaker 1: it all. We've got private prisons. We've got hospitals that'll
1:04:25
Speaker 1: take your organs right before you're about to go and
1:04:27
Speaker 1: sell them to someone else. We are humanity. We are
1:04:31
Speaker 1: what saved this planet. We are what made it special.
1:04:34
Speaker 1: We've got amusement parks where people die on the rides
1:04:37
Speaker 1: because we don't do safety checks. We've got electric cars
1:04:42
Speaker 1: that go really fast. And we've even got Elon Musk
1:04:47
Speaker 1: safeguarding Twitter. We're okay. We're good. The sharks and the
1:04:55
Speaker 1: octopuses and all of this bullshit, they will never pose
1:04:59
Speaker 1: even a scintilla of the threat that humanity does. We
1:05:05
Speaker 1: have won. We have dominated. Go into the rainforest with
1:05:11
Speaker 1: that mentality. Look at every natural, beautiful thing and go,
1:05:17
Speaker 1: this would look a hell of a lot better, lined
1:05:20
Speaker 1: with Four Seasons resorts, condos, poke bowl places, amusement parks.
1:05:29
Speaker 1: It's our planet for the taking, Ben. It's not for
1:05:32
Speaker 1: the animals anymore. It's not for the animals. Whitney Cummings
1:05:37
Speaker 1: can say whatever she wants. She can rescue dogs. She
1:05:41
Speaker 1: can jerk off horses. She can do whatever she wants.
1:05:44
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you know what happens?
1:05:47
Speaker 1: You know who really wins?
1:05:50
Speaker 3: Us.
1:05:51
Speaker 1: The humans. Because we can reason. We've made this a
1:05:55
Speaker 1: beautiful place where everyone is happy. That's the most important
1:05:59
Speaker 1: thing you have to remember. We've given people the gift
1:06:03
Speaker 1: of gambling, the gift of chance. We've got the Barstool
1:06:10
Speaker 1: Sports playbook. You think I'm afraid of a shark? We've
1:06:15
Speaker 1: got Dave Portnoy. We've got it all. I'm not afraid
1:06:20
Speaker 1: of nature. It's been there 180 million years and it's
1:06:24
Speaker 1: done nothing It's done shit It just sits there and
1:06:29
Speaker 1: lives Nothing is more boring than life Nothing So you
1:06:36
Speaker 1: have to go into that area with that attitude That's
1:06:39
Speaker 1: the attitude that pushes civilization forward That's the attitude that
1:06:43
Speaker 1: drives all innovation That's the attitude Stop worrying about the animals,
1:06:50
Speaker 1: the fauna, the flora, the plants, the diseases, all of that,
1:06:55
Speaker 1: the weather. It's all irrelevant. You can beat it. You
1:06:59
Speaker 1: can beat it all with one of those ice cream
1:07:03
Speaker 1: cones that looks like a fish. Do you see? Do
1:07:09
Speaker 1: you feel better now?
1:07:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel better.
1:07:13
Speaker 1: Thank you. All you need is your confidence. You need
1:07:17
Speaker 1: to have the confidence of a white man abroad. You
1:07:20
Speaker 1: don't have it.
1:07:22
Speaker 2: That's what I'm worried about. If I worry too much,
1:07:23
Speaker 2: I'm going to create something out of the worry.
1:07:26
Speaker 1: That's exactly right. Because nature might fuck with you because
1:07:30
Speaker 1: you respect it. People fuck that up. They start respecting
1:07:37
Speaker 1: the thing that wants them dead. I don't respect nature.
1:07:41
Speaker 1: I respect the Mandarin Oriental. I respect tea service. I
1:07:46
Speaker 1: respect the Beverly Hills Hotel. I respect $ 150 million property
1:07:51
Speaker 1: in Malibu. I respect boats. I barely respect people. I
1:07:57
Speaker 1: just like the things they create. So I would not
1:08:00
Speaker 1: get too lost in this, okay? It's not a big deal.
1:08:06
Speaker 1: It's really not a big deal. You've already won. You've
1:08:10
Speaker 1: already dominated. These things out here can't hurt you. They
1:08:14
Speaker 1: can only hurt you in your mind. That's the reality.
1:08:19
Speaker 1: That's the way you have to think. Because that woman says, well,
1:08:23
Speaker 1: don't leave your room in Port Moresby. Don't leave your room.
1:08:27
Speaker 1: She's afraid. But is she afraid of the snakes and
1:08:30
Speaker 1: the spiders? Is she afraid of sharks? Are you not
1:08:34
Speaker 1: leaving your room because of sharks? Are sharks dragging you
1:08:39
Speaker 1: out of the car with the machete? No. The only
1:08:42
Speaker 1: things you ever have to fear is really people. You
1:08:47
Speaker 1: have to fear people and you have to fear boredom.
1:08:51
Speaker 1: You know? That's why the best thing that Vladimir Putin
1:08:55
Speaker 1: could do when he wakes up from his cancer coma
1:08:59
Speaker 1: is launch a a massive nuclear strike to remind people
1:09:05
Speaker 1: that we're still the boss on this goddamn planet. We're
1:09:09
Speaker 1: the boss. And if we have to have a nuclear
1:09:13
Speaker 1: war that involves several nations and destroys the lives of
1:09:18
Speaker 1: millions or billions of people, To just show everybody that
1:09:23
Speaker 1: we're back, baby. This pandemic sidelined us for a little bit,
1:09:28
Speaker 1: but we're back. We got way into nature with this pandemic. Oh,
1:09:32
Speaker 1: the pandemic. There's forces that are out of our control. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
1:09:42
Speaker 1: We need to come back. We need to come back
1:09:45
Speaker 1: with a nuclear war to just show people that we
1:09:48
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck. That's the most important thing. So
1:09:54
Speaker 1: I think you'll really enjoy the trip. I think I'll
1:09:58
Speaker 1: really enjoy it. I think Sam Talent will enjoy it.
1:10:01
Speaker 1: The most important thing to remember is that statistically, you're
1:10:05
Speaker 1: more likely to get killed any other way than by
1:10:08
Speaker 1: a shark or a blue-ringed octopus. Really. You know? You're
1:10:12
Speaker 1: more likely to get killed anywhere. So again, I would
1:10:16
Speaker 1: just relax, calm down, And stop obsessing about things that
1:10:25
Speaker 1: are irrelevant. We're staying in a high-end hotel. This is
1:10:30
Speaker 1: a high-end resort. They've gone to all of the trouble
1:10:36
Speaker 1: to colonize nature and sell it to us. Let's buy it.
1:10:44
Speaker 1: Good luck, everyone.