Latest / Dear Chelsea / Only Perfect Once with Alex Edelman

Transcript

Only Perfect Once with Alex Edelman · Dear Chelsea

0:00
Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
0:02
Speaker 2: How are you.
0:03
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm well, I'm just a stoy and my oorca.
0:07
Speaker 2: I know it's week two for you.
0:09
Speaker 1: I know it's very very relaxing here.
0:12
Speaker 2: Anything exciting that you are doing on a regular basis.
0:15
Speaker 3: Well, I'm supposed to be in full vacation mode. I
0:18
Speaker 3: could not find my LSD for this trip, so we
0:21
Speaker 3: looked High in Love in my house in LA and
0:23
Speaker 3: we could not find it. Got lost in transport, so
0:26
Speaker 3: I don't have my usual toolkit here. So it is
0:29
Speaker 3: just very much being in the present moment with my family.
0:34
Speaker 3: It is very much in the present moment. So a
0:38
Speaker 3: lot of the left, and there's a couple still, a
0:41
Speaker 3: couple of stragglers still here. And then I have a
0:43
Speaker 3: new group arriving tomorrow.
0:45
Speaker 2: Oh that's exciting.
0:46
Speaker 3: The best development is that the guy that works at
0:49
Speaker 3: our house, he makes sure that I have a frozen
0:52
Speaker 3: mango dackery every time I come home from a bike ride.
0:55
Speaker 2: Oh lovely.
0:56
Speaker 3: It's like I'm not even eating food anymore. It's there's
1:00
Speaker 3: so much caloric intake from those dackerries that it's like
1:04
Speaker 3: a full smoothie meal.
1:06
Speaker 4: I mean, if it's the same guy as a couple
1:07
Speaker 4: of years ago, and he's always handing out orange drinks.
1:10
Speaker 3: Appral sprits, dackyries. Yeah, it's really good times, really good ones. Well,
1:15
Speaker 3: the good news is I had a great time with
1:16
Speaker 3: my nieces and nephews. Though we all bonded big time.
1:19
Speaker 3: They all really really appreciated the trip, and yeah, all right,
1:23
Speaker 3: we're just one big fucking happy family.
1:25
Speaker 1: The Handlers.
1:26
Speaker 2: I love it.
1:27
Speaker 4: I was talking to your nieces and one of them
1:30
Speaker 4: mentioned that you had told her whole family when they
1:33
Speaker 4: stayed with you during the pandemic that they needed to
1:34
Speaker 4: go get family therapy, and.
1:36
Speaker 2: That you called the therapist on them.
1:38
Speaker 1: I did, I did? I did?
1:41
Speaker 2: I mean, listen, if you're a sister, can't call the
1:43
Speaker 2: therapist on you.
1:43
Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna do a therapy session.
1:45
Speaker 3: And I sat them all down in front of a
1:47
Speaker 3: zoom and then I was like, what the fuck.
1:48
Speaker 1: Am I doing here? Why do I have to be
1:50
Speaker 1: in this session? It's for you guys?
1:52
Speaker 2: Use myself?
1:53
Speaker 5: I know.
1:54
Speaker 2: Excellent, Chelsea. What should people write in about this week?
1:57
Speaker 3: Roommate problems if you're if you're having an affair with
2:00
Speaker 3: a married man or a man who is a girlfriend
2:02
Speaker 3: or anyone who was a girlfriend or significant other, please
2:05
Speaker 3: write in call in, we want to talk to you.
2:07
Speaker 1: And also roommate problems.
2:09
Speaker 2: Love those those are very juy.
2:11
Speaker 4: I've had a lot of those in my life, so yeah,
2:13
Speaker 4: and they always get messy because it's like that's supposed
2:16
Speaker 4: to be sort of your safe space, and I don't know,
2:18
Speaker 4: it gets very messy.
2:19
Speaker 1: Very that's right.
2:22
Speaker 4: I once had a roommate who had a tramp stamp
2:25
Speaker 4: of the Cleveland Skyline. I think that tells you everything
2:28
Speaker 4: you need to know about a person. No shade to
2:30
Speaker 4: our Cleveland listeners.
2:31
Speaker 1: Of course, that's a pretty big tradise. No, it was.
2:35
Speaker 2: She was so proud of it too.
2:37
Speaker 1: Yeah.
2:39
Speaker 4: Oh, I do have a I do have an update,
2:41
Speaker 4: one that made me respond to this caller with hell
2:43
Speaker 4: y ask girl.
2:44
Speaker 1: Okay, great.
2:45
Speaker 4: So this was from the Joan Biez episode that we did,
2:48
Speaker 4: and she had bipolar disorder and had to kind of
2:51
Speaker 4: like go into some treatment and was back in with
2:53
Speaker 4: mom and sort of struggling with like what's my place
2:55
Speaker 4: in the world as I go back into the workforce.
2:57
Speaker 4: But Abigail says, it's been about seven months since I
3:01
Speaker 4: was on the show, and I have a wonderful update
3:03
Speaker 4: to share. Thanks to your advice, I interviewed like crazy
3:07
Speaker 4: and only applied to jobs I was genuinely interested in.
3:10
Speaker 4: After some time, I landed a position at the Museum
3:13
Speaker 4: of Fine Arts, Boston, which I just adore. It's been
3:16
Speaker 4: a great joy to be immersed in art, and I
3:18
Speaker 4: feel that I've found myself again.
3:20
Speaker 2: While I'm still living at home.
3:22
Speaker 4: I will never forget what Chelsea said about being under
3:24
Speaker 4: her parents until she was in her thirties. I'm currently
3:27
Speaker 4: in the process of rebuilding my life. Thank you for
3:29
Speaker 4: your wise words of wisdom then and now. I so
3:32
Speaker 4: appreciate you.
3:33
Speaker 3: Gail, What do you mean under her parents until she
3:36
Speaker 3: was thirty? She's talking about me being under a reliant
3:39
Speaker 3: on them until.
3:39
Speaker 4: I was Maybe I would, but you didn't live with
3:41
Speaker 4: your parents when we were thirty. Right now, you came
3:43
Speaker 4: to La.
3:44
Speaker 3: Fucking kidding me, kidding me. I once tried to have
3:47
Speaker 3: my dad moved out here to La and my family
3:50
Speaker 3: vetoed it. They're like, Chelsea, can't handle that. What are
3:52
Speaker 3: you doing? I was like, what, I've got the money,
3:54
Speaker 3: I've got the space. We could just put them in
3:56
Speaker 3: the next room and know what you're talking about.
4:02
Speaker 2: Chelsea. Our guest today is Alex Edelman. I just watched
4:04
Speaker 2: his special just for us.
4:06
Speaker 3: I met Alex first in Vegas. This is when you
4:09
Speaker 3: were dating Hannah Einbinder and I was, oh, this was
4:12
Speaker 3: the night you were there, the night I got together
4:15
Speaker 3: with Joe Coy for the first time.
4:16
Speaker 1: No, no, we didn't get together.
4:17
Speaker 3: He was there and that was when I decided I'm
4:20
Speaker 3: gonna I'm gonna date him.
4:21
Speaker 6: I remember that. I remember you talking to us about
4:24
Speaker 6: that and he like, I think he loved the guy. Yeah,
4:28
Speaker 6: Joe also used us. I'm not sure if you remember this,
4:30
Speaker 6: but Joe used us all as like proxy gamblers. We
4:34
Speaker 6: all went to like a blackjack table and I was like,
4:36
Speaker 6: I'm gonna stay, and Joe was like, You're gonna hit.
4:39
Speaker 6: And I was like, I'm gonna hit, and so like
4:41
Speaker 6: Joe was like, and Hannah is like I'm gonna stay,
4:43
Speaker 6: and just like you're gonna stay and Chelsea and he
4:46
Speaker 6: was like go down. Like it was. It was actually
4:48
Speaker 6: like kind of amazing. And at the end he was like,
4:50
Speaker 6: you want eleven hundred dollars. I'm like, no, Joe, you
4:53
Speaker 6: want eleven hundred dollars.
4:55
Speaker 1: The real good luckturem there, just so we're clear, is
4:57
Speaker 1: fucking me.
4:58
Speaker 3: I'm the gambler, and I'm the one who wins, and
5:01
Speaker 3: I'm the one who gives money to everyone so that
5:03
Speaker 3: they win. Okay, so let's not get that fucking twisted.
5:06
Speaker 3: Then I knew Alex, of course, so charming and lovely.
5:10
Speaker 3: And then I kept hearing about his show, which is
5:12
Speaker 3: called Just for Us, which was playing in New York,
5:15
Speaker 3: and all of my friends were talking about it. Everyone
5:17
Speaker 3: was going, everyone was going, so obviously I had to go.
5:20
Speaker 3: I went with some friends and it blew. I mean,
5:23
Speaker 3: it blows everyone away.
5:24
Speaker 1: And he recently won a fucking Tony for it. How
5:28
Speaker 1: fucking awesome is that it was?
5:30
Speaker 6: It's so crazy. It feels like such a weird, like
5:34
Speaker 6: make a wish thing. Everyone's like, good for him, you know,
5:37
Speaker 6: good for good for this guy, and gosh, buddy, here's
5:40
Speaker 6: a thing to keep going like it really is so
5:42
Speaker 6: so nice. But yeah, it's so weird to do the
5:45
Speaker 6: show and then your comedy heroes and the people that
5:47
Speaker 6: you look up to just start coming like I remember,
5:50
Speaker 6: I just saw Chelsea in the audience. I'll never forget it.
5:52
Speaker 6: She was like sitting on the aisle and I heard
5:54
Speaker 6: the laugh and I was like, what, Chelsea's here tonight,
5:57
Speaker 6: And then like I looked down in the audience and
5:59
Speaker 6: they see Chelsea, and I was like I kept having
6:01
Speaker 6: you not look at her because I want don't want
6:03
Speaker 6: to be like, what does Chelsea you think of that
6:04
Speaker 6: shoke is enjoying the story like I did the show
6:08
Speaker 6: like this, Like I was looking over well you.
6:11
Speaker 3: I mean, you had legends every single night coming to
6:16
Speaker 3: your show. You had everybody like Steve Martin and shit right,
6:20
Speaker 3: like you had crazy people that you were taking pictures
6:23
Speaker 3: with that you or I would see you posting every day.
6:25
Speaker 3: So that must have just felt incredible to have so
6:28
Speaker 3: much support from the community that you are in.
6:32
Speaker 6: It was just nuts. And also I felt like a
6:34
Speaker 6: real imposter syndrome. Although also it's nice to do a
6:38
Speaker 6: thing that people are enjoying. Like I have done a
6:41
Speaker 6: couple of solid shows, not all of them have resonated
6:43
Speaker 6: like this one, and so and like you've experienced this.
6:46
Speaker 6: We've talked about like you are so prolific in terms
6:49
Speaker 6: of like writing new material and doing new tours, and
6:52
Speaker 6: it's so hard to like put away a thing that
6:54
Speaker 6: is really successful because you've you've worked so hard and
6:56
Speaker 6: so long, and I know you worked things out on
6:59
Speaker 6: the road times, so you'll like get to a place
7:02
Speaker 6: where it's like finished and cruising in a way that
7:05
Speaker 6: it wasn't at like the beginning of a tour, and
7:07
Speaker 6: then you're like time to film it and put it out.
7:09
Speaker 6: Like it's a totally it's a real like exhausting mind
7:14
Speaker 6: fuck experience.
7:15
Speaker 3: Because you were working on this show for about six years, right, Yeah.
7:18
Speaker 6: I mean I worked on it for a year and
7:20
Speaker 6: then I sort of put away for like a year
7:22
Speaker 6: to work on a television show. And then I was like,
7:24
Speaker 6: all right, I'm going to recommit myself to my show
7:27
Speaker 6: in this year of twenty twenty. And then like after
7:30
Speaker 6: two months of like a four month tour, the whole
7:33
Speaker 6: thing shut down and we didn't come back until twenty
7:36
Speaker 6: twenty two. But like I've been working on it in
7:38
Speaker 6: massaging this thing for you know, like robber Craft, I've
7:41
Speaker 6: been massaging this thing for you know.
7:44
Speaker 1: And now it's a special on HBO or on Max.
7:47
Speaker 1: I should say, yeah, it's.
7:48
Speaker 6: On It's on Max and air on HBO. Like it
7:51
Speaker 6: really like it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me.
7:54
Speaker 3: So I know, Okay, So tell for our listeners who
7:57
Speaker 3: are not familiar or haven't seen The Special yet, let's
7:59
Speaker 3: talk about it. Why don't you tell us about it?
8:02
Speaker 3: It's very fucking funny.
8:04
Speaker 6: Well, it's obviously it's kind of special. It's full of jokes,
8:06
Speaker 6: but there's a story at the center of it. I
8:08
Speaker 6: went to this meeting of white nationalists and queens and
8:11
Speaker 6: eventually one of them was like, sorry, but this guy's Jew,
8:13
Speaker 6: and I'm like, yamma Jew, and so like that's what
8:15
Speaker 6: the show is about. It is like this meeting, and
8:17
Speaker 6: there are obviously tangents and stuff like that, and there's
8:19
Speaker 6: like a cute one of the white nationalists and so
8:22
Speaker 6: there's like a little daydream about that. But yeah, it's
8:25
Speaker 6: mostly it's mostly about this meeting. And there are lots
8:28
Speaker 6: of other stuff.
8:29
Speaker 1: A lot of the twists and turns, but basically the
8:31
Speaker 1: crux of the evening is you're meeting with a white
8:34
Speaker 1: supremacy group, white nationalist group and them discovering that you're Jewish,
8:38
Speaker 1: and then your reaction to that, which was what fear.
8:43
Speaker 6: I mean, not really, it was mostly a conversation. You know,
8:46
Speaker 6: it was mostly like, hey, maybe there's stuff we can
8:49
Speaker 6: talk about, and it turned out there wasn't. But like,
8:51
Speaker 6: it's just just an argument. Guys, listen, you just come
8:55
Speaker 6: over for Shovis. We'll figure it all out, you know.
8:57
Speaker 6: But like, but it really there's actually a critic once
9:02
Speaker 6: pointed out correctly that not much happens is that, like
9:05
Speaker 6: I go to this meeting and I eat a muffin
9:07
Speaker 6: and then they find out that I'm Jewish and I leave.
9:10
Speaker 6: But in between it's a useful like inflection point for
9:12
Speaker 6: like conversations and like some tensions and some characters and
9:16
Speaker 6: stuff like.
9:16
Speaker 4: That, a lot of tension. I always like terrified the entire
9:20
Speaker 4: time watching it.
9:21
Speaker 3: Well, that's why it's so enthralling, and why so many
9:24
Speaker 3: people are you know, so interested in seeing it and
9:26
Speaker 3: talking about it and you're getting awards for it, is
9:30
Speaker 3: because it is touching on a subject matter that people
9:32
Speaker 3: are loath to tackle a and you know, it makes
9:36
Speaker 3: people nervous. So many people are so conflict avoidant that
9:40
Speaker 3: they don't even want to hear about anything like that,
9:42
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Luckily, there's a whole other
9:44
Speaker 3: group of people that feel the opposite, but.
9:47
Speaker 6: You've done that a lot. Like That's one of the
9:49
Speaker 6: reasons that I think you're your uh beloved. Seems too simple,
9:53
Speaker 6: but like you are because you tackle difficult stuff and
9:56
Speaker 6: you're pro and not only you prolific, you like I've
9:59
Speaker 6: always I preferred comedy that was like a little bit
10:01
Speaker 6: of a high wire act. I've always preferred comedy that
10:04
Speaker 6: took a little bit of like, we just have so
10:07
Speaker 6: much comedy, and there's so many funny people, and there
10:09
Speaker 6: are truly many brilliantly funny comedians. But now I think
10:12
Speaker 6: we want a little like you want great comedy, but
10:15
Speaker 6: you also want a little bit of like insight, or
10:16
Speaker 6: you want a little bit of daring, or you want
10:18
Speaker 6: like someone to talk face to face with someone about
10:21
Speaker 6: race or about drugs, and you've done this in your
10:24
Speaker 6: specials and your books and your series is and so like,
10:28
Speaker 6: I think that's a really it's like a weird imperative
10:31
Speaker 6: now for comedians who aren't just uploading short clips to
10:34
Speaker 6: Instagram or TikTok, which is like a perfectly acceptable, fine
10:38
Speaker 6: important way to like build your following. But I've always
10:40
Speaker 6: been team long form, and I think when you're like
10:43
Speaker 6: team long form. You have to give people like a little.
10:45
Speaker 3: Like you know, yeah, well, because you want an arc, right,
10:49
Speaker 3: You want to beginning, a middle, and an end of
10:51
Speaker 3: a story, because that's what you are. You're telling a story.
10:54
Speaker 3: And some comics are just telling jokes. But a lot
10:56
Speaker 3: of comedians all are telling stories that that hour is
11:00
Speaker 3: one long story. So tell me about how you're dealing
11:03
Speaker 3: with all of your success and everything. Because I run
11:07
Speaker 3: into Alex all the time. We run into each other,
11:09
Speaker 3: so at social engagements all the time. He's the first
11:11
Speaker 3: person I see every time I go anywhere. I said
11:13
Speaker 3: to him the other day at that Kevin Hart brunch
11:16
Speaker 3: that Kevin showed up two and a half hours late,
11:18
Speaker 3: to tell me how you're handling everything, because we've had
11:21
Speaker 3: a couple of conversations and I'm curious. I know that
11:24
Speaker 3: you're special.
11:25
Speaker 6: I mean, my family always did say that that was
11:28
Speaker 6: a concern of theirs, that I was special. But look
11:33
Speaker 6: I in terms of success it all. First of all,
11:36
Speaker 6: there's a huge amount of imposter syndrome, like I said.
11:39
Speaker 3: And second of all, still are you still feeling that
11:41
Speaker 3: imposter syndrome.
11:42
Speaker 6: A little bit? And also like a little bit less
11:44
Speaker 6: just because I'm doing new stand up for the first time,
11:46
Speaker 6: and like I had a show at Netflix as a joke,
11:48
Speaker 6: which was like an hour and a half of material
11:50
Speaker 6: that wasn't just for us. So that was really like comforting.
11:53
Speaker 1: To have great good for you.
11:55
Speaker 6: I know what that'll be. I don't know if it'll
11:58
Speaker 6: be like another show. I'm pretty tight from doing this
12:00
Speaker 6: one for years and years and years, but yeah, that
12:03
Speaker 6: could be a good thing. And it's amazing to meet
12:05
Speaker 6: like really interesting people, Like I went to this I
12:07
Speaker 6: got to be one of the Time one hundred this year,
12:09
Speaker 6: and I had like a really fulsome conversation with this
12:11
Speaker 6: Skuy Motoza Zisa, who's like a Palestin Indian photojournalist. I mean,
12:15
Speaker 6: had like a really visceral, intense personal conversation about like
12:19
Speaker 6: this thing that obviously he and I have probably very
12:22
Speaker 6: different opinions on. You know, some things we agree on,
12:25
Speaker 6: some things we don't. And so like it's really cool
12:27
Speaker 6: to be in new spaces meeting like new people, and
12:30
Speaker 6: like it's amazing to be like a Time one hundred person,
12:32
Speaker 6: or it's amazing to like get a Tony Award, and
12:34
Speaker 6: so like, yeah, I really enjoy like getting to go
12:37
Speaker 6: to some stuff. But I've also like learned to say
12:40
Speaker 6: no a little bit. The last couple of months. I
12:42
Speaker 6: used to say yes to everything because there wasn't very much.
12:45
Speaker 6: It's very manageable to say yes to everything, but now
12:47
Speaker 6: sometimes like it's just not feasible to go. And also
12:53
Speaker 6: not to be too like granular here, there's something very
12:57
Speaker 6: concerning about your iteration techniques taken away. I used to
13:03
Speaker 6: just like nurture things at like open mics or small
13:05
Speaker 6: work in progress shows, and now you know, when I
13:09
Speaker 6: try to put work in progress shows on sale, it's
13:11
Speaker 6: nice that they sell in tiny rooms, like very small rooms,
13:15
Speaker 6: but the expectation has changed, and the idea that I'll
13:18
Speaker 6: be able to sort of like labor away at something
13:20
Speaker 6: tricky for a long time until I get it right,
13:23
Speaker 6: that's changed a little bit. So like that's the element
13:25
Speaker 6: of like success that concerns me. And also sometimes people
13:29
Speaker 6: will feel comfortable saying a lot of stuff to me
13:32
Speaker 6: that I was like that I'm like, oh gosh, I
13:34
Speaker 6: would never say that to another person, or I can't
13:36
Speaker 6: believe you're saying that to me, And like what my
13:40
Speaker 6: director passed away right before we started on on Broadway,
13:42
Speaker 6: and he was my best friend. We were really close,
13:45
Speaker 6: and you know, sometimes people come to me in the
13:47
Speaker 6: street and want to talk about him, and I'm like, okay,
13:50
Speaker 6: you know, I want to write something about him at
13:52
Speaker 6: some point because he was because they think about him
13:55
Speaker 6: every day, and he's still like, you know, a big
13:57
Speaker 6: part of my mental capacity. But someone came out to
13:59
Speaker 6: me after a show. I was like, is it true
14:01
Speaker 6: that your show would have been a little better if
14:02
Speaker 6: your director was still alive? And I was like, my god,
14:06
Speaker 6: it's like funny. I was like, I can't believe you'd
14:08
Speaker 6: say that to me, and he was like, and by
14:11
Speaker 6: the way, yes, a thousand percent would be better if
14:15
Speaker 6: Adam was here, but there's nothing I can do about that.
14:18
Speaker 6: And also like, yeah, I'm I just people ask me
14:22
Speaker 6: a lot for my takes in Israel and Palestine, speaking
14:25
Speaker 6: of Motaz, and like when I had that conversation with Motaz,
14:29
Speaker 6: someone took a picture of it and I wound up
14:30
Speaker 6: in the newspaper, and I'm like, that's fine, but I
14:33
Speaker 6: still need to be able to have those conversations. I
14:35
Speaker 6: still need to be able to talk about tricky things
14:37
Speaker 6: with like an aspect of grace that you would afford
14:40
Speaker 6: a person as opposed to an entity, So like that
14:43
Speaker 6: is really tricky and really scary. And also I'm stretched
14:46
Speaker 6: pretty thin, so it means it's hard for me to
14:48
Speaker 6: like give correctly of myself to like friends and family
14:53
Speaker 6: in a way that I used to be able to.
14:55
Speaker 6: Like now it feels like a lot of times good
14:59
Speaker 6: once in a life stuff is happening. So even though
15:01
Speaker 6: I've learned to say no, you know, I just can't
15:04
Speaker 6: show up for people in the way that I used to.
15:06
Speaker 6: And I think that that will affect my friendships and
15:09
Speaker 6: affect my ability to like date, and affect my ability
15:12
Speaker 6: to like be a you know, like a person who
15:14
Speaker 6: is like regular as a like a constant struggle between
15:19
Speaker 6: these like exciting new things that I get to do
15:22
Speaker 6: and the person that I still like very much want
15:24
Speaker 6: to say sorry. I hope that answer is like I'm
15:27
Speaker 6: being extremely transparent about like my biggest insecurity about this,
15:30
Speaker 6: but like, but for the most part, my life is
15:32
Speaker 6: very similar to the way it was before, with the
15:35
Speaker 6: exception of like now I get to go to like
15:37
Speaker 6: the Tonys or like I got to go to the
15:39
Speaker 6: met Gala, So like that's a very very salubrious event
15:42
Speaker 6: to get to go to. It's very but like at
15:44
Speaker 6: the end, I still like page an uber home and
15:46
Speaker 6: like wait a few minutes for surch pricing to go
15:48
Speaker 6: down until I get the uber. You know, It's not
15:50
Speaker 6: like I'm rich now or anything like that.
15:52
Speaker 3: I think what you're saying about your family and your
15:54
Speaker 3: friends and everything, I think that always finds its balance,
15:56
Speaker 3: you know, because you're like at the beginning, not at
15:59
Speaker 3: the very beginning, but you're at the beginning of a
16:01
Speaker 3: long career. And when you are in this phase of
16:05
Speaker 3: excitement and offers and opportunities, it is very hard to
16:08
Speaker 3: say no. And family and friends always understand that as
16:12
Speaker 3: long as that doesn't become your defining thing, like that's
16:15
Speaker 3: all you care about. I've had that struggle before too, like, oh,
16:18
Speaker 3: I've got this opportunity, but I'm supposed to go here
16:20
Speaker 3: with my family. And I always err on the side
16:22
Speaker 3: of family because that really is the most important thing.
16:25
Speaker 1: And I have.
16:25
Speaker 3: Flown, you know, made plans where I've had to fly
16:29
Speaker 3: around the world in twenty four hours to accommodate everybody,
16:32
Speaker 3: you know, But I always do find that it is
16:35
Speaker 3: worth it because your bandwidth is the most important thing.
16:38
Speaker 3: But as long as you are constantly filling your cup up,
16:43
Speaker 3: you are more readily available to give to the people
16:46
Speaker 3: in your life that deserve your attention and your space
16:49
Speaker 3: and your time.
16:50
Speaker 1: You don't ever want to give that away, you know
16:52
Speaker 1: what I mean.
16:53
Speaker 3: Like people are understanding in the beginning, but those are
16:55
Speaker 3: the people that are going to be there for you
16:56
Speaker 3: when times are good or when you're struggling with something
16:59
Speaker 3: or something's disappointed. So it is a tricky balance, but
17:02
Speaker 3: it's totally doable.
17:04
Speaker 6: Yeah, It's just like when there's like when the special
17:07
Speaker 6: came out, there's a really intense like period of like
17:09
Speaker 6: pr and so it's still like intense and also very nice.
17:14
Speaker 6: You get to like do things like like this. You
17:16
Speaker 6: get to talk about your like project at the same time,
17:20
Speaker 6: Like I let a couple like friends down. My friend
17:23
Speaker 6: made a trip from Boston to like see me at
17:26
Speaker 6: the sort of like screening of the special that HBO had,
17:29
Speaker 6: and I couldn't like really spend any time with her
17:31
Speaker 6: because I had just like done the Tonight Show that day,
17:34
Speaker 6: which was amazing, and like I had been on like
17:37
Speaker 6: morning television, and then I got to the thing and
17:40
Speaker 6: I was pulled like hither, thither and yon and so
17:42
Speaker 6: like I really didn't have a chance to like talk
17:45
Speaker 6: to my friend. And then my friend called me the
17:47
Speaker 6: next day and very like appropriately was like I felt disrespected,
17:52
Speaker 6: and I was like I understand because like I think
17:54
Speaker 6: I saw her and I don't know they've even said
17:56
Speaker 6: thank you or like if I was like appropriately like
17:59
Speaker 6: great full for like this huge amount of effort, and
18:02
Speaker 6: like she came like four hours on training then stayed
18:04
Speaker 6: in a hotel, went back on the train the next
18:06
Speaker 6: day like it's the day of her life and I
18:08
Speaker 6: don't even know. So, like, you know, it's a thing
18:11
Speaker 6: where it just requires a lot more intention than I
18:14
Speaker 6: used to that I'm used to like expanding, and so
18:17
Speaker 6: I'm gonna have to like be more thoughtful and intentional
18:20
Speaker 6: in a way where I used to just be like, oh, yeah,
18:22
Speaker 6: I'll go to that thing because the only thing I'm
18:23
Speaker 6: invited to this week. When you have like a project,
18:26
Speaker 6: every day feels like your birthday a little bit. People
18:29
Speaker 6: were like, oh, look at this thing you made, and
18:30
Speaker 6: you're like, yeah, look at this thing I made. And
18:32
Speaker 6: then but like after like two weeks of.
18:34
Speaker 3: That, yeah, because you don't want to take yourself that seriously.
18:39
Speaker 3: And on that note, we're going to take a break and.
18:41
Speaker 1: We'll be right back.
18:46
Speaker 3: And we're back with Alex Edelman, who's special is on
18:50
Speaker 3: Max called Just for Us.
18:52
Speaker 1: So if you haven't seen it, go see it.
18:53
Speaker 3: It is very eye opening and hilarious and you see
18:58
Speaker 3: how talented this person is.
19:00
Speaker 1: Okay, Alex on this podcast.
19:03
Speaker 3: I know, I know you're Jewish, so you've been to
19:05
Speaker 3: a lot of therapy, all Jews have, and we are
19:10
Speaker 3: going to use that therapy and spit it back out.
19:12
Speaker 4: I'm so excited to hear this, and I know kind
19:15
Speaker 4: of your thing is you love to use comedy to
19:17
Speaker 4: sort of tackle tough issues. So we're going to put
19:19
Speaker 4: that a little bit to the test today, starting with
19:22
Speaker 4: our first question. So Courtney says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
19:27
Speaker 4: big fan of the podcast. I lost my husband two
19:29
Speaker 4: years ago to suicide. I was twenty nine at the
19:33
Speaker 4: time and he was thirty three. I found comedy and
19:36
Speaker 4: dark humor to be a very helpful tool, as well
19:38
Speaker 4: as therapy and support groups. I was pregnant with my
19:41
Speaker 4: second baby when he passed away. I now have a
19:43
Speaker 4: four year old and an eighteen month old. I've done
19:46
Speaker 4: lots of work on myself and have started a fundraiser
19:48
Speaker 4: in memory of my late husband. I've started dating again
19:51
Speaker 4: and feel very out of my depth. I don't want
19:53
Speaker 4: to waste my time, and I tend to overshare. I
19:56
Speaker 4: don't want someone who can't handle my situation, but I
19:58
Speaker 4: know I need to balance the information I'm sharing. I
20:01
Speaker 4: also need to have someone who can understand that my
20:03
Speaker 4: late husband will always be a big part of my life.
20:06
Speaker 4: Any tips for dating after trauma? Courtney Alex, What do
20:09
Speaker 4: you think off the top of your head on that.
20:11
Speaker 6: I think that it's a really this is like a
20:13
Speaker 6: really tough struggle that comes down to a thing that's
20:16
Speaker 6: actually very universal, which is I am a certain way
20:19
Speaker 6: I feel certain things at a cellular level. Some of
20:23
Speaker 6: those things may be more socially valid than others, right Like,
20:26
Speaker 6: someone's political opinions might be as you know, ingrained in
20:30
Speaker 6: them as a trauma, right Like, And so you make
20:33
Speaker 6: allowances for a trauma where you wouldn't make them for
20:36
Speaker 6: you know, various political opinions, do you know what I mean?
20:38
Speaker 6: Like Like, people have a thing about themselves that is
20:41
Speaker 6: who they are, And the big question is can other
20:43
Speaker 6: people handle those things, and how much of myself do
20:45
Speaker 6: I have to hide or how much of myself my
20:48
Speaker 6: comfortable sublimating in order for someone to see me? How
20:50
Speaker 6: much do I gradually like reveal of myself? And I
20:53
Speaker 6: think the answer is it's a personal comfort thing, right, Like,
20:58
Speaker 6: if you feel like it's really important for you for
21:01
Speaker 6: someone to like be able to understand how you relate
21:05
Speaker 6: to your late husband right off the bat, even if
21:08
Speaker 6: it makes them uncomfortable, you will like find that person
21:10
Speaker 6: like that person will that person exists. But also like,
21:14
Speaker 6: I think this person should be progressing it with the
21:16
Speaker 6: comfort level that they feel, but they should be fully
21:18
Speaker 6: aware that like that is a thing that may be
21:20
Speaker 6: difficult for some folks who are as secure or evolved
21:24
Speaker 6: or sensitive in the right way to handle.
21:28
Speaker 1: I agree.
21:28
Speaker 3: I think you have to like gauge all of us
21:31
Speaker 3: individually when we're dealing with trauma or whatever. Have to
21:34
Speaker 3: gauge when we are ready to get back on the scene.
21:36
Speaker 3: And it sounds like you think you are ready to
21:38
Speaker 3: get back on the scene. And a good test of
21:40
Speaker 3: that is this is such an important issue to you
21:43
Speaker 3: that it has to be kind of at the forefront
21:45
Speaker 3: of any dating scenario. It sounds like it doesn't sound
21:49
Speaker 3: like something you can hold back and like tell somebody
21:51
Speaker 3: about three months into a relationship, because that's not fair.
21:54
Speaker 1: You really are dealing with trauma.
21:56
Speaker 3: And circling back to what Alex said about trauma is like,
22:00
Speaker 3: there are more allowances made for people who have been
22:02
Speaker 3: traumatized and have been through something difficult, and this is
22:06
Speaker 3: as difficult as it gets. Your husband committing suicide, well,
22:08
Speaker 3: you have two young children, pregnant with one and have another.
22:11
Speaker 1: It's all crazy. No one is prepared for that.
22:14
Speaker 3: So Mazeltov, that's Jewish for congratulations on getting it, getting
22:19
Speaker 3: this far, and for being a parent to those two
22:22
Speaker 3: children by yourself, because nobody signed up for that, and
22:25
Speaker 3: I know you didn't, and you're doing it, and I'm
22:27
Speaker 3: sure you're doing a hell of a job. So as
22:30
Speaker 3: far as the dating goes, I would say, really, it's
22:34
Speaker 3: a great way to read people out, you know what
22:36
Speaker 3: I mean. Somebody who doesn't get them out of there
22:39
Speaker 3: right away?
22:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody who does.
22:41
Speaker 3: You keep them around and you grow into a friendship,
22:43
Speaker 3: hopefully like a love ship or whatever ship you're looking for.
22:47
Speaker 3: But I would be frontloading this information with potential dates,
22:51
Speaker 3: not on the apps or whatever, but like once you
22:54
Speaker 3: meet them and get to know them, like on the
22:56
Speaker 3: second or third date, explain you know, if you really
22:59
Speaker 3: think that there's a there and there's some chemistry, you'd
23:02
Speaker 3: be surprised by other people's capabilities to deal with situations
23:06
Speaker 3: like this. Just like you're surprised in the in the
23:09
Speaker 3: disappointing sense, you can also be surprised in the other way.
23:12
Speaker 3: People will surprise you with how capable they are at
23:16
Speaker 3: dealing with something like this, or someone else who might
23:19
Speaker 3: have had some sort of similar experience could be out
23:21
Speaker 3: there and that would and that would be amazing for you,
23:25
Speaker 3: or someone you know who lost their wife and wanted children.
23:28
Speaker 3: You know, there's just so many different variations of what
23:31
Speaker 3: could possibly be your future. So I would just try
23:34
Speaker 3: to step toward that and really get out there and
23:37
Speaker 3: start dating as your schedule permits.
23:39
Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to go on five dates a.
23:40
Speaker 3: Week, but because it's also good practice for you to
23:43
Speaker 3: understand your comfort level with discussing this issue, and the
23:47
Speaker 3: more you talk about it, the easier it will become
23:50
Speaker 3: and the farther away.
23:51
Speaker 1: The sharpness of the trauma.
23:53
Speaker 2: So yeah, I agree.
23:56
Speaker 4: My one thought is, and I haven't used the apps,
23:58
Speaker 4: but well, you're married, Yes, I've I'm married for a
24:01
Speaker 4: long time, so I'm not.
24:03
Speaker 1: Ashley Madison still available? Is that still an app? Or
24:05
Speaker 1: did they go to jail?
24:06
Speaker 3: I think yeah, but I think they still exists. I
24:10
Speaker 3: interviewed them once for one of my Netflix specials.
24:12
Speaker 5: Yeah.
24:12
Speaker 3: I went up to Toronto where they're based out of,
24:14
Speaker 3: and they're a couple of fucking I was like, looking
24:16
Speaker 3: at this woman, I'm like, really, this was your husband's idea,
24:19
Speaker 3: stupid ass.
24:20
Speaker 6: She's like, were monogamous though, and he's like, uh yeah,
24:24
Speaker 6: I think.
24:24
Speaker 3: I think he got caught a couple of weeks later
24:26
Speaker 3: after our interview for having multiple affairs.
24:29
Speaker 4: Anyway, so we think she should not preempt the conversation
24:32
Speaker 4: on the apps, right, Like, so, I'm a widow, I've
24:36
Speaker 4: got two kids.
24:37
Speaker 1: I don't think widow is a good word to be
24:39
Speaker 1: using that. I just don't think. I old, no, it does.
24:44
Speaker 3: It's not inviting widow is you can say I'm a
24:47
Speaker 3: single mom with two kids, and then when you meet
24:49
Speaker 3: in person you talk about the real stuff.
24:51
Speaker 6: You can you can just say, you can just say
24:53
Speaker 6: two kids. I would even be more concise, because they're
24:55
Speaker 6: going to be like, well, that makes sense unless they're
24:57
Speaker 6: unless it's Ashley Madison that you're on, people are going
24:59
Speaker 6: to assume that you means you have two kids. But yeah,
25:01
Speaker 6: the word widow, through no fault of widows themselves, has
25:04
Speaker 6: become uninviting it based on its association with various unbeloved
25:09
Speaker 6: superhero movies and the most poisonous spider known to man.
25:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, or single mother of two looking to get after it, that's.
25:18
Speaker 6: Fun, But Chelsea's right, like, congrats to you for like
25:21
Speaker 6: getting back out there after a thing that requires so much,
25:23
Speaker 6: like unseen courage to actually like being the parent of
25:28
Speaker 6: two small children, that alone is enough. And to be
25:31
Speaker 6: with and to be a widow, that alone is enough.
25:33
Speaker 6: To be in a widow in that fashion having to
25:36
Speaker 6: deal with so much that that is truly a feat
25:40
Speaker 6: so mis altoven.
25:42
Speaker 3: I have a question for you. Do people ever compare
25:44
Speaker 3: you to Woody Allen? But only for artistic aspect?
25:47
Speaker 6: Yeah, but only no getting well, only because I love
25:50
Speaker 6: the clarinets so much and I know it's trying. Yes,
25:54
Speaker 6: I get I get compared sometimes artistically.
25:57
Speaker 1: To let's hope ends there let's keep it that way.
26:02
Speaker 6: But yeah, no, I do. I love some of his
26:05
Speaker 6: movies and also the anecdot. And I also love your anecdote.
26:08
Speaker 6: Well you can cut it out of you don't, but
26:10
Speaker 6: it's my favorite thing. You've done it.
26:14
Speaker 1: You've mentioned, you said this, I mention it, I've mentioned it.
26:16
Speaker 1: People will hear will have heard it.
26:18
Speaker 6: I love it so much.
26:19
Speaker 3: But yeah, thanks, I'm going to throw that into my
26:21
Speaker 3: next special.
26:22
Speaker 1: Okay, what's the next, Catherine?
26:23
Speaker 6: What do we got?
26:24
Speaker 2: All right? We have a caller. Things get lighter from here.
26:26
Speaker 6: On my caller.
26:28
Speaker 1: He can be heavy, he's he can be happy or
26:30
Speaker 1: you're doing great.
26:32
Speaker 6: I'm not happy with it.
26:32
Speaker 3: On nothing, he's very bright. Yeah, and emotionally adept.
26:38
Speaker 4: That's very clear. Well, let's see. Let's talk to Jessica next.
26:42
Speaker 4: Jessica is calling in from Mexico City. She says, I'm
26:47
Speaker 4: a forty year old woman who's lived outside of the
26:49
Speaker 4: United States for six years. I've been single for seven
26:52
Speaker 4: years after a bad breakup, and have been chronically dating
26:56
Speaker 4: men under thirty for far too long. Each year, I
26:59
Speaker 4: make a resolution to not date anyone younger than thirty five.
27:02
Speaker 4: But here are the problems. One I'm young at heart,
27:05
Speaker 4: and older guys my own age seem like they want
27:08
Speaker 4: to be my dad. Yes, possibly abandonment and daddy issues there.
27:12
Speaker 4: I still go to music festivals, concerts and quote younger
27:15
Speaker 4: crowd places, and I want someone who can keep up.
27:19
Speaker 4: Two guys my age who are single are either absolute trash,
27:22
Speaker 4: not actually single, or want kids. I'd rather collect passport
27:26
Speaker 4: stamps and burn through my disposable income. So I end
27:29
Speaker 4: up going out a few times with these young guys,
27:31
Speaker 4: and of course they are always two immature in one
27:33
Speaker 4: way or another except the bedroom, and that's where they excel.
27:36
Speaker 2: And it ends.
27:37
Speaker 4: I really want to get married eventually, but I'm stuck
27:39
Speaker 4: in this vicious cycle and I can't seem to get out.
27:41
Speaker 4: My questions are, should I give up the gen Z
27:44
Speaker 4: dating life even though I'm very popular for those more
27:47
Speaker 4: aligned to my maturity?
27:48
Speaker 3: Jessica, Hi, Jessica, Hi Jessica. Hi guys, this is Alex Edelman,
27:54
Speaker 3: our special guest. Today we need a male's perspective. How
27:57
Speaker 3: old are you again? How old? I'm forty two, forty two,
28:03
Speaker 3: and you like guys that are under thirty five?
28:05
Speaker 1: Is that the right bracket? Or under thirty.
28:08
Speaker 5: Thirty five but over thirty. But right now it's like
28:10
Speaker 5: late twenties, early thirties. But my goal is thirty.
28:13
Speaker 6: Five and over.
28:14
Speaker 5: But it hasn't happened that frequently.
28:16
Speaker 6: But I'm curious what you're You say that you're looking
28:20
Speaker 6: for you're looking for marriage, but you're not looking for children. Yeah,
28:24
Speaker 6: so you're looking for your person and you also like
28:29
Speaker 6: guys who who know who like dou alpa.
28:32
Speaker 5: Is Listen, Like I travel a lot, and I go
28:39
Speaker 5: to music vessels to show all the time, like I said.
28:42
Speaker 5: And so when you know, I try to go to
28:45
Speaker 5: like maybe restaurant bars that have older people in it,
28:49
Speaker 5: and they're either married or I don't know. It feels
28:52
Speaker 5: like there's no one left my age anyways, Like I've
28:55
Speaker 5: been trying to wait for these divorces.
28:57
Speaker 1: That's not true. I'm so sick of people's There are
29:00
Speaker 1: no men around. There are men everywhere.
29:03
Speaker 6: They're falling out of trees, Jessica, they are.
29:06
Speaker 1: You have to change your dating your number on your app?
29:08
Speaker 6: What apps are you doing?
29:10
Speaker 5: You're right, My friends made me do this last year,
29:13
Speaker 5: two years ago. So my dating range is thirty five
29:16
Speaker 5: to forty five on my on my dating apps, but
29:20
Speaker 5: you know, the ones that I meet out which are
29:23
Speaker 5: end up being more successful for me just happened to
29:26
Speaker 5: be younger. And some of the younger guys are like,
29:29
Speaker 5: they kind of are nicer, and I like how you know,
29:34
Speaker 5: there's more consent talk, there's more like talking about your feelings, like,
29:38
Speaker 5: there's more respect in some ways, whereas like men who
29:41
Speaker 5: are older like think that they know more than me,
29:43
Speaker 5: and it's not true.
29:45
Speaker 1: Okay, but you're generalizing everybody.
29:48
Speaker 3: You realize you're generalizing younger guys that they're the only
29:50
Speaker 3: ones that are good and bad and that are communicative
29:53
Speaker 3: and emotionally sound or have an emotional like And then
29:56
Speaker 3: you're saying that all guys older than you are idiots
29:58
Speaker 3: or chauvinistic or whatever. Neither of those things are true.
30:02
Speaker 3: You're right, you don't want children.
30:04
Speaker 1: Is that right?
30:05
Speaker 6: Correct?
30:06
Speaker 1: Okay, So there's no rush for anything right now. A
30:10
Speaker 1: you should be having a.
30:10
Speaker 3: Good time any way that suits you. You don't have
30:14
Speaker 3: to like find your partner at forty two years old.
30:17
Speaker 3: I'm forty nine years old and I still haven't found
30:19
Speaker 3: my partner, and I'm not fucking stressed about it.
30:21
Speaker 1: I've got lots of options.
30:22
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to figure out if what is worth
30:24
Speaker 3: my time, you know what I mean. You don't have
30:26
Speaker 3: to look at everything like there's a time frame, because
30:29
Speaker 3: that's not being present at all, and present was where
30:32
Speaker 3: all the joyfulness comes from, being absolutely present minded enjoying
30:36
Speaker 3: the sex with these younger guys. Let's try not to
30:38
Speaker 3: go below thirty. I mean, that's just not necessary.
30:41
Speaker 5: That's true.
30:41
Speaker 3: We can't get mad at men for behaving that way
30:43
Speaker 3: when we're also going to behave that way.
30:45
Speaker 1: Or the opposite argument is it's our turn. But I
30:49
Speaker 1: think just for.
30:50
Speaker 3: What you're looking for, you do want a companion more
30:53
Speaker 3: like you are looking for a steady guy.
30:56
Speaker 1: I think, just keep going doing what.
30:58
Speaker 3: You're doing, like you don't have to judge your but
31:00
Speaker 3: just like you know, set it up so that you're
31:02
Speaker 3: gonna have success between the ages of what is it,
31:06
Speaker 3: thirty five and forty five?
31:07
Speaker 1: Is what you decided. I think that's perfect, Alex.
31:10
Speaker 6: I mean, look, I've dated older people. I was in
31:12
Speaker 6: a relationship with someone who's seven years older than me,
31:14
Speaker 6: and then I was relationship with someone who's sixties younger
31:16
Speaker 6: than me, and like the people I've dated since then
31:19
Speaker 6: have been pretty much two or three years older than me,
31:23
Speaker 6: so like everything, So like I understand in terms of
31:26
Speaker 6: like maturity and also if you're going to generalize, I
31:29
Speaker 6: have found that maturity can be like tied to different things,
31:33
Speaker 6: especially in like urban environments. Right, you meet people who
31:35
Speaker 6: are in an urban environment, they have like a preternatural
31:38
Speaker 6: hardness to them. Like every Los Angeles person feels like
31:43
Speaker 6: twenty five years older because they're all like smoking cigarettes
31:45
Speaker 6: and like jaded with the business already. So like, by
31:49
Speaker 6: the same time, like maturity is so multi varied. Someone
31:53
Speaker 6: can be mature in an economic way but not mature
31:56
Speaker 6: in an emotional way, or mature in an emotional way
31:58
Speaker 6: but not mature and in a communication way. And like
32:02
Speaker 6: we're mature in a communication way and not mature sexually,
32:04
Speaker 6: and so like you have to figure out which maturities
32:07
Speaker 6: are like most important to you, because if you're not
32:11
Speaker 6: stressed about children, then what is the stress about dating
32:16
Speaker 6: someone who is, you know, thirty three instead of thirty five?
32:21
Speaker 6: Is this like an imposed thing? Is I say? Or
32:23
Speaker 6: are you looking for someone to keep pace with you?
32:26
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's two things. I've been single for seven years,
32:29
Speaker 5: so like not any dating for more than like three
32:32
Speaker 5: months for seven years, so like, no, I love you,
32:35
Speaker 5: you know, no like huddles at home, I travel all
32:38
Speaker 5: the time, but I want to be with that person.
32:40
Speaker 5: And absolutely I work really hard on being in the
32:43
Speaker 5: president and I have a lot of fun for sure,
32:46
Speaker 5: And it is something that's always in the back of
32:48
Speaker 5: my head that I know I have to stop worrying
32:50
Speaker 5: about it. I've been telling myself that for years. My
32:52
Speaker 5: therapist tells me that too. But at the seven years,
32:56
Speaker 5: especially after seeing all of your friends partner up, and
32:59
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm with the seventeenth wheel to my own birthday,
33:03
Speaker 5: you know, and You're just like, all right, I'm freaking
33:05
Speaker 5: tired of this. My thing is like, yes, I am
33:08
Speaker 5: looking for someone to have to share my life with,
33:11
Speaker 5: but I'm in this like hamster wheel of like meeting
33:14
Speaker 5: a young guy and they don't want the same thing
33:17
Speaker 5: as me, and then yes they are out there, but
33:20
Speaker 5: I haven't met the older guy that wants the same
33:23
Speaker 5: thing as me either, Like they're they're either fucking off
33:25
Speaker 5: from like their dictul divorce or nobody wanted them in
33:29
Speaker 5: the first place. That's just been my opinion. And I
33:31
Speaker 5: haven't lived in the States for like six years, and
33:34
Speaker 5: so dating is even a little bit more complicated when
33:38
Speaker 5: if there's language barriers and cultural differences and I'm really tall.
33:42
Speaker 1: Where are you living?
33:43
Speaker 5: I live in Mexico City now and I lived in
33:45
Speaker 5: Indonesia before this.
33:46
Speaker 1: That's fun.
33:47
Speaker 6: I mean it sounds to me, Jessica, like you have
33:49
Speaker 6: a pretty parapatetic lifestyle, right, Like you travel a lot,
33:52
Speaker 6: and it's like you're you're on the go in a
33:54
Speaker 6: macro sance and a micro one right like you. I
33:57
Speaker 6: assume your days are full of fun and a tip
34:00
Speaker 6: and stuff like that. They sure are, and you're not
34:03
Speaker 6: like tethered. But also what you're looking for as an anchor,
34:06
Speaker 6: and so I have this exact same problem because I'm
34:08
Speaker 6: a touring comedian, And so if you're looking for someone
34:12
Speaker 6: to be an anchor, you might also have to like
34:14
Speaker 6: anchor yourself a little bit. You might have to like
34:15
Speaker 6: spend time in a way in an environment that's like
34:18
Speaker 6: a little more interior focus. You might have to like
34:21
Speaker 6: not be going to a bazillion events constantly, because it
34:25
Speaker 6: feels like you have two desires and they may be
34:29
Speaker 6: like slightly competing. And that's my two sentences.
34:32
Speaker 3: Very sagacious advice, and a great vocabulary. I love all
34:37
Speaker 3: of the things you're saying, Alex. Do you hear what
34:39
Speaker 3: he's saying, Jessica, I could. I totally agree with that.
34:42
Speaker 3: It seems like you're what your desires and your actions
34:46
Speaker 3: are in conflict.
34:47
Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean, I've lived in the same apartment for
34:50
Speaker 5: three years, so when I say I travel, it's like
34:52
Speaker 5: weekends or like for the summer. I'm going to Europe
34:54
Speaker 5: tomorrow for like the summer.
34:56
Speaker 6: But that's a big thing, that's Jessica. That's like a
34:58
Speaker 6: big It's like you're like, I, look, I live in
35:01
Speaker 6: the same apartment, but I am gonna leave to go
35:03
Speaker 6: to halfway across the world.
35:04
Speaker 5: I know, but I'm very popular in Europe, you guys,
35:06
Speaker 5: And there's so much taller.
35:09
Speaker 3: There's a lot of sex to be had in Europe,
35:12
Speaker 3: so it's definitely have a great time over there.
35:15
Speaker 1: I feel the same way about Europe.
35:17
Speaker 6: But what are you gonna do. You're gonna meet a
35:18
Speaker 6: guy in like France or Albania or Croatia or something,
35:21
Speaker 6: and then like at.
35:21
Speaker 5: The end of the year going to tomorrow Alex, Okay,
35:25
Speaker 5: I understand, but then you're gonna like meet a guy
35:28
Speaker 5: after that, that is the plan, and then I can
35:30
Speaker 5: move there because I'm remote.
35:32
Speaker 6: So I'm like, so I'm like, I'm not trying to
35:34
Speaker 6: like read you to filth here, Jessica. Out of the
35:39
Speaker 6: many countries in Europe, I picked the two that I
35:41
Speaker 6: thought were them. I was sort of like farm flung
35:44
Speaker 6: and impractical. I thought, like, I'll say Estonia, that'd be
35:48
Speaker 6: too much. But like, but so you're gonna meet these
35:52
Speaker 6: You're gonna meet these guys. But presumably you go and
35:55
Speaker 6: meet someone and you're only there for the summer and
35:57
Speaker 6: then like what you take them back to Mexico City,
36:01
Speaker 6: you move to Croatia, Like these are not like this
36:04
Speaker 6: is it is? It is hard to and by the way,
36:07
Speaker 6: which isn't just say you shouldn't do it, Like you're
36:08
Speaker 6: living your life. It seems like you really enjoy your
36:10
Speaker 6: life and this is like not a front burner of
36:12
Speaker 6: your brain problem all the way through, but like it is,
36:17
Speaker 6: it does make it difficult. And I'm only saying this
36:19
Speaker 6: because of way too much experience. It does really make
36:22
Speaker 6: it difficult to maintain a relationship when like there is
36:24
Speaker 6: a deadline and where you're leaving and so like if
36:27
Speaker 6: you go for the summer, Let's say you're going for
36:28
Speaker 6: like three months or three and a half months, and
36:30
Speaker 6: you meet a guy like two weeks in, that's still
36:34
Speaker 6: like a lot of pressure to put on a three
36:35
Speaker 6: month relationship. Be like, hey, do you want to move
36:37
Speaker 6: to Mexico City with me? Mister Croatia, Like, and you're
36:40
Speaker 6: not even staying in cross You're going to Albania, So
36:42
Speaker 6: like that's two countries. It's anomaly. I somehow doubt that
36:47
Speaker 6: if I'm being.
36:48
Speaker 5: Honestly, there are only the two months of the year,
36:50
Speaker 5: Like I'm in Mexico City the rest of the year.
36:52
Speaker 5: That's only two months of that year.
36:53
Speaker 1: Okay, listen, I'm going to reroute. You just lean into
36:56
Speaker 1: your lifestyle.
36:57
Speaker 3: Yes, until you're home and grounded now place for a
37:01
Speaker 3: long period of time. I mean, you can do a
37:03
Speaker 3: lot of inner work, and you can meditate, and you
37:05
Speaker 3: could write down what you're looking for. And I find
37:07
Speaker 3: all of that manifestation stuff is impactful. As long as
37:11
Speaker 3: you believe in it, it works, you know what I mean.
37:14
Speaker 3: That's all we all need to do is believe what
37:15
Speaker 3: we're doing. It sounds to me a couple of the
37:18
Speaker 3: things that you've said, is that you're comparing yourself to
37:22
Speaker 3: all of these other people around you instead of leaning
37:25
Speaker 3: in and enjoying your life.
37:26
Speaker 1: Yes, your life is your own life. You're on a
37:29
Speaker 1: different path.
37:29
Speaker 3: None of your friends are going from Mexico City to Croatia, Albania, Montenegro, Estonia,
37:35
Speaker 3: you know for the summer, right, well besides the one's
37:38
Speaker 3: going with me.
37:39
Speaker 5: But yeah, all.
37:42
Speaker 3: Right, I think you should just stop putting pressure on yourself.
37:46
Speaker 5: Yeah that's the thing.
37:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, stop that. Stop looking outside of your own life.
37:51
Speaker 3: That's what social media is for, and that's why it
37:54
Speaker 3: is so damaging because people look and see, oh I
37:58
Speaker 3: want to do that. I should be doing that, And
38:00
Speaker 3: that's what you're doing in your real life. It sounds
38:02
Speaker 3: like and just because someone else has had a partner
38:04
Speaker 3: and you haven't had one for seven years, you're on
38:06
Speaker 3: a different path.
38:07
Speaker 1: That's okay.
38:08
Speaker 6: Do you know who?
38:09
Speaker 3: You know?
38:09
Speaker 6: The IRA, the Irish Republican Army. They were like Irish
38:13
Speaker 6: terrorists and all that stuff. Someone asked, yeah, yeah, they
38:18
Speaker 6: were trying to kill Margaret Thatcher. And a reporter asked
38:22
Speaker 6: someone to this goes somewhere, I promise, And a reporter
38:26
Speaker 6: asked the head of the IRA how they felt, and
38:28
Speaker 6: they went, you know, pretty good actually about our chances
38:31
Speaker 6: And they said why and they said, well, she needs
38:33
Speaker 6: to be perfect every time. We only need to be
38:34
Speaker 6: perfect ones. And so I think this about like dating
38:40
Speaker 6: in high stress environments in the sense that like you're
38:44
Speaker 6: looking for a specific type of person and you only
38:48
Speaker 6: need to be right once, and so like, I think
38:51
Speaker 6: that takes a little bit of pressure of you're the
38:52
Speaker 6: Irish Republican Army, like you don't you know, and the
38:55
Speaker 6: world and the dating pool is Margaret Thatcher, right, like
38:58
Speaker 6: they like, you need to just find you're one target.
39:01
Speaker 1: Parallel, Yeah, you can't.
39:02
Speaker 6: Find your one target, and and that one target is
39:06
Speaker 6: a person who also is mature in the ways that
39:09
Speaker 6: you value and kinetic and fun and young at heart
39:12
Speaker 6: and cool with going to Albania for the summer. You'll
39:15
Speaker 6: fucking you'll figure it out. You'll find that person and
39:18
Speaker 6: in the meantime you'll have like a good amount of time.
39:19
Speaker 6: So I totally agree with Chelsea and that like should
39:22
Speaker 6: like not pathologize.
39:23
Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, yeah, it's not, it's not even one
39:26
Speaker 5: hundred percent of comparison. It's sometimes it's just like, it's
39:30
Speaker 5: just what it is, what I want inside. But the
39:32
Speaker 5: incongruency is exactly the thing, because what I'm entertaining isn't
39:38
Speaker 5: exactly going to serve me in the long term. But
39:42
Speaker 5: also maybe it's not as werner as I thought it
39:45
Speaker 5: was because fun is like my number one value, and
39:48
Speaker 5: like freedom is my number one value and all this.
39:51
Speaker 4: You know, so maybe you're gonna bet a thirty year
39:54
Speaker 4: old who's an old soul, you know, I think I
39:56
Speaker 4: think what Chelsea said.
39:57
Speaker 1: About old thirty five to forty, When are we going
40:00
Speaker 1: back to thirty? No, I gave you thirty, Okay, forget it.
40:04
Speaker 1: I take it back. I was wrong. I wasn't even
40:06
Speaker 1: paying attention to what I was saying. No, I think
40:08
Speaker 1: I think that's right.
40:09
Speaker 3: Also, there's a lot of self love that needs to
40:12
Speaker 3: go into having a fun life.
40:14
Speaker 1: Like I take fun very seriously.
40:16
Speaker 5: I know, I know you do.
40:17
Speaker 1: I look up to you, and that's the right attitude.
40:20
Speaker 3: But you there's also a lot of self respect and
40:22
Speaker 3: self love that you have to instill in yourself to
40:25
Speaker 3: not feel the pressure that of these outside sources because
40:28
Speaker 3: you're just looking around feeling pressure. I understand you're saying
40:31
Speaker 3: that you feel it within yourself. But like when you
40:34
Speaker 3: love yourself enough and you have all of that going on,
40:38
Speaker 3: that is like, oh, that would be a great addition,
40:42
Speaker 3: but it's not necessary.
40:44
Speaker 5: Right, And that is what I hope I come across
40:47
Speaker 5: as I don't want to justinate anyone Otherwise I would
40:50
Speaker 5: have by now right, Like it has to be. He
40:52
Speaker 5: has to be additive to my life because my life
40:56
Speaker 5: is full and complete and I have a bunch of
40:57
Speaker 5: girlfriends and I you know, I have all fun in
41:00
Speaker 5: the world.
41:01
Speaker 1: Listen, you're gonna be fine.
41:03
Speaker 3: Go have fun in Albania, Go fuck your brains out,
41:05
Speaker 3: or have fun with your friends. Whatever you want is fine.
41:08
Speaker 3: But just be in a place of acceptance instead of craving.
41:12
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, except your life. You've said
41:14
Speaker 3: like five times in this short time, how much fun
41:17
Speaker 3: you have?
41:18
Speaker 1: Focus on that.
41:19
Speaker 4: Yeah, I consider that you waited this long because you're
41:24
Speaker 4: waiting for the right one. As they would say an Espanol,
41:28
Speaker 4: di vertte. Okay, thank you so much for calling.
41:32
Speaker 1: In, bye bye, thank you. Okay, that was all over
41:37
Speaker 1: the shop.
41:38
Speaker 2: What that was great?
41:39
Speaker 1: Actually?
41:39
Speaker 2: I love that.
41:40
Speaker 1: I know it was funny. Yeah, I like it when
41:42
Speaker 1: it's ate you know what I mean.
41:43
Speaker 3: Sometimes things get very seriously and then I have to
41:46
Speaker 3: go home and smoke a big fatty. Great, we'll take
41:48
Speaker 3: a break and we'll be right back with Alex Edelman.
41:54
Speaker 3: And we're back with Alex Edelman for our last caller.
41:57
Speaker 4: We are back, so any he says, Dear Chelsea, I
42:01
Speaker 4: have a bit of a situation at home. My roommate
42:04
Speaker 4: and I have lived together for two and a half years,
42:06
Speaker 4: and I absolutely love our living situation. We get all
42:09
Speaker 4: on great and we haven't had any issues, aside from
42:11
Speaker 4: her being late on rent a few times. Unfortunately, the
42:14
Speaker 4: past couple of weeks, she has been bringing this guy
42:16
Speaker 4: she's dating home every single night.
42:18
Speaker 2: A year ago, when.
42:19
Speaker 4: They first tried dating, she'd come home constantly in tears
42:22
Speaker 4: about him.
42:22
Speaker 2: He'd start arguments in public.
42:24
Speaker 1: The works.
42:25
Speaker 4: Now out of nowhere, she is back with him, and
42:28
Speaker 4: she's taking a break from drinking.
42:29
Speaker 2: I didn't think much about it.
42:31
Speaker 4: A break is always good, but now I know why
42:33
Speaker 4: he's in her life, and if they're going to date,
42:35
Speaker 4: they cannot drink around each other per his terms. She's
42:38
Speaker 4: gone out with him and partied with other friends, something
42:40
Speaker 4: she very much enjoys. Being social and hanging out with
42:43
Speaker 4: groups of friends and going to shows. Now she can't
42:45
Speaker 4: do that as much as she'd like, because every single night,
42:48
Speaker 4: around ten or eleven, she sneaks him into our home
42:50
Speaker 4: and he stays the night. I should note she goes
42:53
Speaker 4: for the bad guys and not the nice ones. So
42:55
Speaker 4: to me, this isn't worth her time. He's a scrub.
42:58
Speaker 4: Women's intuition iscrew me inside me that he has to
43:01
Speaker 4: control her. I can't even acknowledge his presence when he's here,
43:04
Speaker 4: he says hi, and I can't even look at him,
43:06
Speaker 4: let alone say hi back. It's extremely uncomfortable for me,
43:09
Speaker 4: and I don't trust him in my home. I've looked
43:11
Speaker 4: here for five years and it's my safety net where
43:13
Speaker 4: I can relax, chill out and feel comfortable. But now
43:16
Speaker 4: because I'm getting so angry every night he walks in
43:18
Speaker 4: with her, it has ruined my nights for the past
43:20
Speaker 4: couple of weeks.
43:21
Speaker 3: Oh that's a bummer, Hi, Amy, this is Alex, our
43:23
Speaker 3: special guest today, Alex Edelman. Amy, So it sounds like
43:27
Speaker 3: you're gonna have to ask you You're going to have
43:29
Speaker 3: to just tell your roommate you don't feel comfortable with
43:31
Speaker 3: him in the house, and if she wants to continue
43:34
Speaker 3: dating him, then she's gonna have to get a new place, okay,
43:38
Speaker 3: or find a new place to live. I mean, you
43:40
Speaker 3: should never feel unsafe in your own house.
43:42
Speaker 1: That's just thank you. Never ever, ever, ever.
43:45
Speaker 7: That's like the one place that like I've made it
43:47
Speaker 7: for her and myself, like yes, safe zone, safety net,
43:52
Speaker 7: And I've just been like, how do I handle this?
43:55
Speaker 7: I don't want to be polite because in a way,
43:57
Speaker 7: I'm like, this is like I need to be strict
43:59
Speaker 7: about this. Your conversations been like super agreeable, like I
44:03
Speaker 7: love living here. I don't want it to be uncomfortable
44:06
Speaker 7: for anybody. Let's make this a safety place.
44:08
Speaker 2: And then and then she's sneaking him in, right, and.
44:12
Speaker 7: Then yeah, like four times in the past like six days.
44:14
Speaker 3: Does she think you don't know that he's being snuck in?
44:17
Speaker 7: I'm right there.
44:18
Speaker 3: Oh you're because you're saying hi to well, he's saying
44:19
Speaker 3: hi to you and you're not responding, right, Okay, Well,
44:22
Speaker 3: it's very reasonable for you to want to feel safe. Well,
44:25
Speaker 3: the conversation will go probably something like this. You'll say this,
44:28
Speaker 3: and then she'll say, how could you feel unsafe around him?
44:31
Speaker 3: Da da da da. It doesn't matter why you feel unsafe,
44:34
Speaker 3: it matters that you do. Yeah, And it matters that
44:37
Speaker 3: she respects that, because that's what a friendship is.
44:40
Speaker 6: Okay.
44:40
Speaker 7: See, And I didn't want to be like push, you'd
44:42
Speaker 7: be like, I know this is your place too, blah
44:44
Speaker 7: blah blah. I want to be able to come home
44:46
Speaker 7: and walk around in my underwear T shirt, yes, and
44:48
Speaker 7: not have to worry about whatever?
44:50
Speaker 3: And are you prepared to have someone else come? And
44:52
Speaker 3: like do you know? I know this is new, but
44:54
Speaker 3: are you prepared to have somebody else? If she does
44:57
Speaker 3: choose to move out?
44:58
Speaker 7: I'm like financially stable and enough to like wait, like
45:01
Speaker 7: wait that distance between transitioning?
45:04
Speaker 1: And also, can't she go to his house? Isn't that
45:06
Speaker 1: an option?
45:07
Speaker 7: She's not allowed to She's not allowed his roommates like no.
45:11
Speaker 6: Oh, okay, Amy, Can I ask you a question? Is
45:17
Speaker 6: a bit? Ye? Are you conflict avoidant?
45:19
Speaker 5: No?
45:20
Speaker 6: All right, well then I would how hard are to be?
45:22
Speaker 5: You?
45:22
Speaker 3: Wait?
45:22
Speaker 1: Wait? Can you move in with his roommates and she
45:26
Speaker 1: and him.
45:26
Speaker 3: Just move into your place?
45:28
Speaker 6: Oh my god?
45:29
Speaker 1: Why seems like the obvious solution.
45:32
Speaker 7: It's so funny I mean, if I knew them, it
45:35
Speaker 7: might have it might be work. But I'm also like
45:37
Speaker 7: not in.
45:38
Speaker 3: You seem together and mature. Alex, what go ahead? I
45:41
Speaker 3: interrupted you this time? What were you going to say?
45:42
Speaker 6: We've had too it's of advice so far that we're
45:45
Speaker 6: like long, difficult, drawn out things and like not that
45:49
Speaker 6: this isn't difficult, but like this is fairly simple. You
45:52
Speaker 6: don't feel safe in your own home your roommates not
45:55
Speaker 6: respecting your wishes. By the way, if you if it
45:58
Speaker 6: hasn't been made clear to your roommate that these are
45:59
Speaker 6: you wish is, then it's uncomment on you to do that.
46:01
Speaker 6: But if you have made this clear, then you guys
46:03
Speaker 6: have to stopped living together. It's like not a compatible situation.
46:06
Speaker 6: And like roommates is.
46:07
Speaker 1: Actually like a very it's an intimate thing.
46:10
Speaker 6: It's a very intimate. It's this very serious relationship. You
46:13
Speaker 6: are living together. You are huge parts of each other's life,
46:16
Speaker 6: and there is a huge incongruity here. This situation is
46:18
Speaker 6: like completely untenable and like you need to be like hey,
46:21
Speaker 6: can you leave or be like hey, this is how
46:24
Speaker 6: I feel. It's not okay with me. I'm really sorry.
46:27
Speaker 7: Chelsea's Chelsea's idea of just being like, look, this is
46:30
Speaker 7: how it's got to be. Otherwise we're going to have
46:32
Speaker 7: to just go our separate.
46:33
Speaker 6: I think it's very simple. I should have just said,
46:36
Speaker 6: Chelsea's right, that's literally, that's literally, that's.
46:39
Speaker 7: How this podcast is.
46:40
Speaker 6: It's always like I've just super cut and dry here.
46:43
Speaker 1: I believe in you, Amy.
46:45
Speaker 3: I know you're going to handle this and you're strong
46:47
Speaker 3: and that you have nothing to worry about. So go
46:49
Speaker 3: have the conversation and you know it'll take her a
46:52
Speaker 3: minute to digest it.
46:53
Speaker 1: I'm sure, but that's not your problem. It's not your problem.
46:56
Speaker 1: I'm your pro exactly. Okay, we'll have a great day,
47:00
Speaker 1: and thanks for calling in.
47:01
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me take care.
47:04
Speaker 6: That was easy.
47:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was nice.
47:06
Speaker 3: That was a nice way to end our day together,
47:08
Speaker 3: our afternoon together, our morning.
47:10
Speaker 1: Alex.
47:10
Speaker 3: I loved your advice. You're so bright, you're so smart.
47:13
Speaker 3: I mean, I've already I already knew that, but it's
47:15
Speaker 3: nice to hear. It's nice to hear it within the
47:18
Speaker 3: podcast and giving advice to people in a very fruitful way.
47:22
Speaker 6: I love it. And I by the way, it's so
47:23
Speaker 6: funny in each of these bits of advice, I see
47:25
Speaker 6: like little problems that I've dealt with, or little situations
47:28
Speaker 6: where I've been like deficient, or little situations where I like,
47:31
Speaker 6: you should have been clear or spoken out for myself,
47:34
Speaker 6: or in the case of that of the parapatetic person,
47:37
Speaker 6: I was like, lady, I totally hear you, and also
47:41
Speaker 6: feel that maybe you either need to make lifestyle change
47:44
Speaker 6: or just be comfortable with the life that you're living.
47:46
Speaker 6: And so like, it's amazing how many people who ask
47:48
Speaker 6: tough questions. You're like, I've had a little bit of
47:50
Speaker 6: that somewhere.
47:51
Speaker 3: So I don't know, yeah, yeah, And also it's always
47:53
Speaker 3: nice to know, Like it's always nice to get an
47:55
Speaker 3: outside opinion of a situation where people who don't know
47:58
Speaker 3: anything about you are telling you objectively what the situation
48:02
Speaker 3: looks like.
48:03
Speaker 1: Like that's what a counselor is, you know.
48:05
Speaker 3: Okay, So Alex, we're gonna bid you ado congrats on
48:08
Speaker 3: your special.
48:08
Speaker 6: With thanks so much for having me, guys true.
48:10
Speaker 3: Anytime, honey, anytime, I love you. And the specialist called
48:14
Speaker 3: just for Us and it's streaming on Max.
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Speaker 6: Yes and please watch it if you're listening. Please do
48:18
Speaker 6: watch yeah, watch it.
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Speaker 1: It's worth it.
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Speaker 3: Okay, take sure, Okay. So upcoming shows that I have
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Speaker 3: you guys, Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia,
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Speaker 3: Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to
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Speaker 3: places that have sold out the first and then I'm
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Speaker 3: gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahulue, and Honolulu. I
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Speaker 3: will be there in July. Also in July, I'm coming
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Speaker 3: to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood,
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Speaker 3: Florida for my only show in Florida on July twenty eighth.
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Speaker 3: I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August first, and then
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Speaker 3: Santa Rosa, California for my second show August second. August
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Speaker 3: seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bull. You do not want
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Speaker 3: to miss that. And then I will be all over
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Speaker 3: me Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas.
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Speaker 3: I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then
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Speaker 3: I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea
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Speaker 3: Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in
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Speaker 3: Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and then November
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Speaker 3: two and November thirtieth.
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Speaker 1: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater
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Speaker 1: on November eighth.
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Speaker 3: And i have tickets on sale throughout the end of
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Speaker 3: the year in December, so if you're in a city
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Speaker 3: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
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Speaker 3: or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
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Speaker 1: Okay, if you'd like.
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Speaker 4: Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea
49:43
Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include
49:46
Speaker 4: your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
49:49
Speaker 4: Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to
49:52
Speaker 4: check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com