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7 Little Lies Jealousy Whispers in Your Ear · The Daily Writer

• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everybody to the Born to Create podcast.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kent Sanders, and I'm your host.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an author, musician, and teacher, but most importantly, I'm a husband and a dad.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Here on the show we talk about practices, habits, and strategies that help us live out our creative calling.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 41, and today we're going to be talking about seven little lies that jealousy whispers in your ear.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can find the post that accompanies this episode at Kent Sanders.net slash jealousy lies.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's jealousy L I E S.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Before we get into the content, I want to invite you to send in your questions on creativity, productivity, art, or writing, and I'll answer those questions here on the show.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: You can shoot me an email at Kent at KentSanders.net, or you can send me a message on Facebook or Twitter at simply Kent Sanders.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not too long ago, I was talking with a friend about the success that he and his family were having.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: He had just gotten a promotion at work and a substantial bump in compensation.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And his wife had also gotten a new job and was making twice her former salary.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Needless to say, life was going really well for them.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: As I listened to my friend recount his recent success, I was truly happy for him.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: He and his wife have been through some hard times, and they deserve every bit of success that comes their way.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I have to confess that the more that he talked, the worse I started to feel about myself.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: My joy morphed into jealousy as I secretly wondered why so many good things were happening for him, but they didn't seem to be happening for me, at least not at that level.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when we think of destructive emotions, we tend to focus on the obvious ones like lust, anger, or pride.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: But jealousy is equally destructive because once you start comparing yourself to others, it's almost impossible to stop doing it.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Life becomes one giant contest, and you see everybody else as a competitor instead of a collaborator.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody is immune to the seductive whispers of jealousy.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: We must constantly be on the lookout for the quote unquote green-eyed monster that loves to tell us these seven lies.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, jealousy lies to you about yourself.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you're feeling bad about yourself doesn't mean that it really is true.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Jealousy makes you view your life and your work through a negative lens.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever we feel anger, lust, or some other kind of strong emotion, we know it's dangerous to act on those in an inappropriate way.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: So why do we feel that it's okay to indulge our jealousy?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And of course it's not.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, jealousy lies to us about the reality of other people's lives.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever we see of other people's lives, especially on social media, is only what they choose to show us.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's human nature to only show the good parts, which is why we tend to just do that.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, whatever you see on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram feeds is mostly smiles, successes, and wins.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: You rarely see the heartbreaks, the failures, or the screw-ups in people's lives.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And to be fair, you and I do the same thing, don't we?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: So we shouldn't be surprised that what we see on social media is generally only the good parts of people's lives.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, jealousy lies to us about our own accomplishments.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever you focus on other people's achievements and why you feel like you don't measure up, you quickly forget about the things that you have accomplished.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you take a few minutes to write down your wins over the last six months or the last year or so, you'll be really surprised at all the things that you've actually accomplished.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, jealousy lies about the meaning of success.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We tend to measure our success in relationship to everybody else around us.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody else has more than we do, we see them as more successful.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And if we have more than someone else does, well, then we see them as less successful than we are.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: The most important way to gauge your success is by asking whether you have done your best and reached your personal best or your personal potential.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can't measure success by the fickle winds of money, fame, or your number of clients or blog subscribers.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: It has to be only in comparison to what you can accomplish, not what somebody else has accomplished.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, jealousy lies about the cost of success.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you're jealous of what others have accomplished, you're only seeing the results of their success, not the process or the costs of getting there.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we don't realize that they have probably labored for years in obscurity before hitting the big time or making good money.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Jealousy says that we should be enjoying those results too, but really that's a lie unless we have also put in the same work that they have.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Number six, jealousy lies about the importance of your emotions.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, of course, we're all emotional creatures, but the problem is that sometimes we let our emotions rule our lives.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a dangerous thing to do because when we let emotions rule our lives, we don't usually accomplish very many things that are worthwhile.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you feel jealous doesn't mean that it's helpful or even valid to stay jealous.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: We all must learn the discipline of setting our emotions of jealousy, laziness, and fear aside and just getting back to work.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then finally, number seven, jealousy lies about your influence.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Jealousy likes to diminish our success in our own eyes.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: It makes us forget about the things that we've achieved and the hurdles that we have climbed.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is that there are people in your circle who are jealous of you.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: They wish they had your skill, your position, your accomplishments, and your success.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: No matter who you are, you have some level of influence, and there's always somebody in your circle in life who wishes they have what you have.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of spending emotional energy on being jealous of other people, instead we can focus on helping other people to achieve our level of success, whatever that level might be.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's been said that the best medicine is prevention.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And when you understand how jealousy can be such a destructive force in your life, you can take measures to curb its influence.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Don't play the comparison game.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your life is yours alone to live, and your only true competitor is your own potential.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are some ways that you have overcome jealousy in your own life?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: You can join the conversation and find the post and the links that accompany this episode at KentSanders.net slash jealousy lies.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you visit my site, you'll find all kinds of great resources to inspire your creative life.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also love to share a gift with you when you subscribe to my weekly newsletter.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can check it out and learn more about my books, writing, and services at KentSanders.net.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to connect and you can tweet me at Kent Sanders, and you can find me on Facebook and Instagram as Kent Sanders.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you'll also check out our Born to Create Facebook group by visiting KentSanders.net slash Facebook group.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember that you were born to create and designed to make a difference.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: What will you do with the time you have left?