Latest / Authentic Living / Landing and Living Your Dream Life with Career Strategist, Melissa Llarena

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Landing and Living Your Dream Life with Career Strategist, Melissa Llarena · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
• 0:08
  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:11
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:36
  Hi, everyone.
• 0:36
  It's Roxanne Durgesh of Authentic Living with Roxanne.
• 0:39
  Today, I have someone, that is a marketing specialist and, Her name is, Melissa Lorena.
• 0:47
  She had I stumbled on that, and Melissa is located in?
• 0:51
  What part of Australia are you located in?
• 0:54
  Yes.
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  I am Sydney, Australia, but I'm a native New Yorker, hence, my accent.
• 0:59
  Oh, yes.
• 0:59
  For sure.
• 1:00
  We we could I could hear a little bit of that.
• 1:02
  So what's What's things like out to up your weight today?
• 1:05
  Are things kind of moving along with the with, COVID 19, Are you finding the impact out there
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  on businesses and stuff like that?
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  You know what?
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  It's a little bit of a a slow progress here in the southern hemisphere, I would say that,
• 1:21
  we're really kind of keeping an eye out to our friends in the northern hemisphere.
• 1:26
  Definitely looking at what, you know, Europe is going through and from a US perspective, my
• 1:30
  family's there.
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  So we're we're not quite on on edge in terms of what it is we need to do.
• 1:36
  My kids are at school, but, but we're being very cautious.
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  Definitely.
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  Social distancing is definitely I see it all
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  Absolutely.
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  And I think we're we just closed down.
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  We, today, a lot of, Canada.
• 1:52
  So, so we're we're kinda we're a little bit behind the US, but we've just kind of closed
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  most of the borders to the European countries and, just keeping up the keeping the, US and
• 2:03
  the Canadian borders open to US and Canadian citizens, and that's it.
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  So we just kinda moved up things a little bit more.
• 2:09
  So hence why today has been a little bit of a busy day.
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  So let me tell everybody about, Lorena, Melissa Lorena, what she's done.
• 2:18
  So she helps proven marketers just rediscover what makes them unique so that they can land
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  their dream job, which I'm sure a lot of people out there are you know, hovering, but they're
• 2:27
  not sure how to land in a forward thinking, company where their ideas are listened to
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  valued and supported.
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  She's worked with, over 16 business units and on $1,000,000,000 brands like PNG, IBM, for
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  Ogleby, and Mather.
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  And she's you've been featured in Forbes.
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  What an accomplishment, financial times, USJ, which I don't is that what's the what does that
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  stand for?
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  Wall Street Journal was it?
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  Wall Street Journal, Huffington Post, a Fox, business, and others.
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  And, we happen across each other because we also we both belong, to, a Facebook group
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  called She podcast where there's a lot of female entrepreneurs that podcasting, and we
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  kind of find the ability to connect with other, like minded, female entrepreneurs.
• 3:19
  Me a little bit about now.
• 3:21
  Okay.
• 3:21
  So you've got one of those lifestyles.
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  You were born in New York.
• 3:25
  I'm gonna assume you you grew up in New York.
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  And you ended up, like, on the other side.
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  So how did you end up on on the Southern Hemisphere?
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  What was your what was your path to get you there?
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  Well, it's it's a question that everybody asked me, and so they assume it's because of
• 3:42
  employment.
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  Right?
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  They're like, oh, maybe you or your husband were relocated because of employment, but that
• 3:48
  is a 100% false.
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  It was based on curiosity.
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  And wanting to live this life in a more adventurous way.
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  And my husband and I, we have three little boys And so I have identical twins.
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  They're six, six, and then an eight year old.
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  So a single tip.
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  Wow.
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  And we wanted them to see that there is a world outside of the United States.
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  And so it was deliberate.
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  And so at that time, back when we made the decision to relocate We had never even visited
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  Australia.
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  So it was truly sight unseen.
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  However, my husband and I were very, very fortunate in that we both can work from home.
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  So this is not new to us.
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  I mean, for me, my business, I've had it since 2011.
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  And I've been working from home this entire time because for me, when I opened it up, the
• 4:41
  in the idea came about when I became a mom.
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  And so my intention was to always be near my children and be the primary, you know,
• 4:50
  caretaker.
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  And so for my husband, it just so happened that he was able to make it happen on his end and
• 4:57
  find an employer who had such a solution for him to have us all come to this side of the
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  world.
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  So, of course, our families think we're, like, wild for doing this, but, but it's, you know,
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  it this was the most stable way I mean, thank god.
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  We have health care and everything all settled.
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  So thank goodness.
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  But that that's what prompted us really curiosity and a sense of adventure.
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  Absolutely adventurous to go from New York to to Sydney.
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  And how long have you been in in Sydney now?
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  So we've been here for over a year now.
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  Oh, over a year.
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  Mhmm.
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  And the the the boys do the like it?
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  You know, it's that's the funny part, and I've heard this before.
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  So children are way more resilient than us adults.
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  I mean, for them, all they care about is that mommy and Pappy are there.
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  As long as mommy and Pappy are there and they have a sense of normalcy within the confines
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  of, like, our home, Right.
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  It could be we could be on Mars, and it's like, as long as there's some certainty from a family
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  unit perspective, they're okay.
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  So tell me, I mean, obviously, you've done big things.
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  You've been in corporate.
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  You've been on your own since 2011.
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  So tell me your path.
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  Like, what's did you go into school for, marketing?
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  Did you do your MBA?
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  What what kind of got you on this path where you're at this point now where you're
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  passionate about helping women,
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  kind of Men and women.
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  Men and women.
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  Both.
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  Yeah.
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  To find that the the tactical steps to to actualize their dream in reference to
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  marketing.
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  So tell me a bit about your story and how it started.
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  Well, the journey started for me at an unusually young age.
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  So when I was seventeen years old, that is when I had my first taste of corporate.
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  So this was course, you know, there've been so many mergers since, so I'm just gonna go and,
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  like, talk in terms of, like, heritage, Chase Manhattan Bank.
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  You know, that's not JP Morgan Chase.
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  But that was my first employer.
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  I worked for Chase.
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  This was in 1997.
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  I was 17.
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  This was before cynicism of the workforce that kind of has, like, pervaded some environments.
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  This was before me assuming that you know, the rug could be taken out from under me through
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  layoffs.
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  So a lot happened to me since I was seventeen having worked in corporate environments.
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  So Chase ultimately paid for my undergraduate degree.
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  I studied psychology, and I had to work for them for 4 consecutive years.
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  Like, every single, you know, week.
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  It wasn't just summer sort of holidays.
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  So that's kind of how I breezed through, for lack of a better word, I think it was like 5 or
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  6 business units that I had worked in on, you know, at the time.
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  And so I, I adamantly decided not to take one business course.
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  I remember my dad back in the day saying Melissa, but you have this amazing opportunity.
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  I was attending NYU, take a business course, and I said, no.
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  I have the opportunity to, like, actually do things and, you know, do the marketing, do the
• 7:56
  whatever else was going on at the time.
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  You know, having full, transparency, marketing looked very different.
• 8:01
  Right back in 1997 versus today.
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  But net net, what I realized, what I came to realize having been exposed a corporate
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  environment and a huge multinational back in the day was ultimately that for the bulk of of
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  all of my experiences, people were unhappy.
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  They were unhappy.
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  And I think, to be really honest, I think because I was so young, I really, really,
• 8:27
  really absorbed and saw and noticed and was almost, like, allowed in a way to to engage
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  with people on a more human level as opposed to, you know, through the walls of corporate
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  jargon and, like, title and blah blah blah.
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  So when I when I felt that, you know, that unease amongst people that I perceived on the
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  surface to look successful, it it got to me.
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  And so that was 4 years of day to day experience and me kind of having a parallel
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  existence.
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  Right?
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  So college campus.
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  Everybody's, like, you know, youthful and excited and dreaming about big careers, but
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  then I would go to the office and it was like, wow.
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  Totally different.
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  And that started my curiosity around, okay, what's going on here?
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  Why is it that very capable adult because I was a child at the time, are are self selecting,
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  you know, opportunities or roles where, you know, they are being almost like kinda shackled
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  by compensation and health care benefits rather than really, you know, leveraging their their
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  highest value talent And so that was a long time ago.
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  And the way I started my journey was helping my friends at the time because my friends didn't
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  know what was going on in terms of, you know, corporations.
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  And I also had the privilege of having a lot of professional development you know, accessible
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  to me.
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  JP Morgan Chase now, they're they're known worldwide for leadership development.
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  You know?
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  And so essentially, I took advantage of that.
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  It was like, oh, this is customer service.
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  And I and I learned it and I would teach my friends or, oh, this is how you do a resume.
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  I learned it and I would teach my friends So it started like that voluntarily just helping
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  people that didn't have access to these resources, very young people.
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  And as I grew and I matured in Mike's experiences in life, I then decided to
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  basically almost take my clientele up with me.
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  So it's like people of, like, similar age, similar job title, similar experiences, and I
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  and we kind of grew together.
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  Fast forward, I had several corporate experiences.
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  So after Chase, this was right before 9 11, and I was in New York.
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  And I remember thinking, okay.
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  So Chase supported my university you know, bills.
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  And Chase gave me all these wonderful opportunities.
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  And, again, let's be mindful.
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  I was like 21 or 22.
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  In my mind, I said, okay.
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  Well, I'm kinda tired of Chase.
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  I don't really wanna work there full time.
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  I wanna explore experience.
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  So I ran after Reuters Again, it's like I'm dating myself, but now they're Thompson
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  Reuters.
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  And so I went after Reuters.
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  And then and then I was in another program where it was, you know, in one business unit,
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  to another.
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  So, again, I'm like racking up the business unit experiences, and then 911 happened.
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  Yes.
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  And during that time, clearly, there were so many layoffs at that time, being that we were
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  plugged into the financial community because I was helping people with their financial
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  information, like, software solutions essentially.
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  And, essentially, you know, at that time, I was let go.
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  And I remember when I was let go, I was on my own.
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  And I remember thinking to myself, oh my gosh.
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  Like, how can I get plugged back in to a corporate setting for two reasons?
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  1, my identity was tied to corporate.
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  I grew up I was seventeen when I was, like, a Chase employee.
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  Chase Chase Chase Chase, and then Reuters Reuters Reuters, and now who am I?
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  Right?
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  And at that moment, I remember, again, super old school, but I took the yellow pages, white
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  pages, whatever they were back then.
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  Yes.
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  And I I just started calling recruitment agencies, cold calling them.
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  So it took me 30 days to get another job.
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  And so I got a job.
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  It was like BMP Paribas, but before that Zurich Financial, net net, it was short lived because
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  in the back of my mind, I wanted to go to law school.
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  And the funny part about that is Essentially was a blessing in disguise.
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  I volunteered to be let go during a certain, like, acquisition that they made.
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  And that money became my money for, like, my 1st semester of law school, which I promptly
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  left because for me, It wasn't in my heart, and I realized, and I think it's all about
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  hindsight, not in the moment, in hindsight.
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  It was more of a significant play.
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  It was more like ego.
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  It was like, you know, if I become an attorney, I will be perceived as smart I will be
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  perceived as, you know, rich, and I'm just using the terminology I would have used back in
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  the day.
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  Right?
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  And and so I had all these things tied up with that identity.
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  So you kinda see how my identity was really attached to other entities, not to me, and
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  that's a problem.
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  That's a problem when, you know, you have to be untethered nowadays, especially to a single
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  employer because of the vol volatility with which, that relationship can can kind of, like,
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  evolve.
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  So that was that was then.
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  And after in that time frame, I selected 2 when I left law school because I did quit law
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  school.
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  I opted to do a lot of soul searching.
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  Right?
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  And, again, this whole time I had been informally still at this time, coaching people
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  and helping people think through themselves, how can they stand on their own 2 feet?
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  How can they be the CEO of you?
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  Ultimately, is what I tell clients.
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  And so at that time, during between the law school part and, you know, Melissa goes to
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  business school part, which I do have my MBA, Right.
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  I decided to go on this, like, I mean, it was just like, a battery of interviews.
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  I interviewed everybody who who would have a conversation with me that had a job that I
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  thought was interesting.
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  So I interviewed people that were like, you know, career counselors, and, like, mental
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  health counselors.
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  And, I mean, people that, you know, were in advertising, etcetera, etcetera.
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  Out of that whole thing of the jig, it was very much like the Alchemist.
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  Right?
• 14:46
  It's like the answer lies in the original spot.
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  Actually.
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  It's like, hello.
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  But I went on a quest that I met great people And at the end of the day, I decided, okay,
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  I've always had a thing for advertising, and that brought me to marketing, right?
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  Advertising marketing, and for me, it was, like, just interesting how you can influence a
• 15:11
  person to take action Like, that was the piece that was kind of interesting.
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  It was also a little scary because I was like, oh my gosh.
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  You could really do something bad with this power.
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  Right?
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  So that's when I decided to before investing in a business school education to actually work in
• 15:29
  the field So that I had a good idea of whether I enjoyed it or not.
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  Fast forward, worked for American Express, that for other marketers, you know, that would be
• 15:40
  known as the client side, the brand side, I thought, and I'm just being super, super
• 15:45
  transparent here.
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  I thought it was kind of boring, personally.
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  So what I did was, I spoke to the most interesting person that worked at Amex, and he
• 15:54
  was in charge of international advertising And he's now, I believe, the CMO of Verizon,
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  actually.
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  So, yeah, I knew I knew then who some power players would be.
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  And and I figured out I should be in advertising, like pure advertising.
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  So that was my transition to Ogleby in Mather.
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  Mhmm.
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  Fast forward at Ogleby And Maider, I said to myself, you know, I was thinking education,
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  education, how can I get my graduate level education And so I decided to go for it at
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  Dartmouth?
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  And so I studied business at TUCK.
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  And you have the benefit of not choosing a concentration, so I didn't have to pick
• 16:34
  marketing.
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  But what I did was I created my own experience, kind of like choose your own adventure.
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  I created my own experience and at tuck@dartmouth.
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  I decided to just really explore, you know, what is marketing?
• 16:49
  Okay.
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  I had done marketing.
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  What's the theory behind marketing?
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  Which was hilarious to me because I was felt like I was doing things a little backwards.
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  It was like, first, I had that hands on experience and then I'm, like, getting the the
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  foundational sort of, like, concepts but at the end of the day, was it was just an an
• 17:06
  interesting life experience.
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  It also took this New York City girl not Manhattan, New York City, but Queens, New York
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  City
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  Okay.
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  Into the deep woods in New Hampshire.
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  That is where my business school was.
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  And I also had the opportunity to have that education also sponsored by corporations.
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  So I didn't have pay that either, which gives you a sense of why later on in life with 3
• 17:32
  children, me and my husband are able to be more flexible because we both were able to figure
• 17:37
  out a way to kind of crack the code from an academic, you know, loans perspective.
• 17:42
  And I say this to the US audience, not so much in Canada, but from a US audience, you've got
• 17:47
  financial burdens around loans.
• 17:50
  Absolutely.
• 17:50
  Absolutely.
• 17:51
  So, yeah, so that's essentially how how it all evolved.
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  And after business school, that is when I did do a little bit of advertising immediately
• 18:00
  after, but then I became a mom.
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  And that's when I decided to go full force in terms of my online business.
• 18:08
  And in terms of figuring out how I can ultimately, what I like to call, I call it
• 18:15
  career martyrdom.
• 18:16
  And so this is another insight that I wanted to express So at 17, when I saw all these unhappy
• 18:22
  people around me, right, and then even, you know, throughout my life experiences and
• 18:27
  throughout my my work experiences.
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  When I saw all these unhappy people, I just started to think to myself.
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  And I think also the culmination was when my dad retired.
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  So my dad was working 40 years in the Wines And Spirits business, and he just retired this
• 18:42
  year.
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  And for me, I realized I was like, there's, like, this role that a lot of and I'm thinking
• 18:48
  parents play, and it's that of a of a martyr.
• 18:52
  It's almost like you give up your own happiness fulfillment your own dreams so that your
• 18:59
  children can live out their own.
• 19:02
  However, however, I'm not quite seeing when that generation actually executes on their own
• 19:09
  dreams.
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  I really see this as a cycle, and I and I think about it like career martyrdom.
• 19:13
  It's like you're really, like, being selfless, but then it's like the next generation saw that
• 19:18
  you were selfless, so they're gonna be selfless.
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  And it's like this cycle.
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  So So, Rupin, it's a cycle.
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  So I mean, it's obviously you've, at a very young age, were intuitive enough to recognize
• 19:28
  that adults were actually kind of abandoning their dreams relatively early.
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  So you, like you said, you you straddle both worlds.
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  You were in kinda like, you know, beginnings and and excitement, but then you were seeing
• 19:41
  the actual reality of what people were doing where, like you said, they get they get
• 19:45
  imprisoned by the by the paycheck and then you have children and you have benefits.
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  And it's a difficult thing to walk away from.
• 19:51
  So you start almost got a window into that relatively early.
• 19:56
  Absolutely.
• 19:57
  And And for me, you know, it could have been being, naive.
• 20:02
  It could have been, you you know, ignorance is bliss.
• 20:05
  When you're seventeen, you don't have a good sense of, you know, what what needs to happen.
• 20:09
  I remember when I got my first apartment, and I had to pay for, like, my electricity and my
• 20:14
  gas.
• 20:14
  And I was like, what the heck is this?
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  Like, that was just that was surprising.
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  Right?
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  But back then, you're 17 and and you have a different life experience.
• 20:24
  And although I matured very young, just because I had to take a lot of responsibilities early,
• 20:31
  early on in life.
• 20:32
  I just hadn't quite realized how unhappy the people who were writing on the trains to go
• 20:38
  into Manhattan really were.
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  I just thought they didn't like to get up early, and that's why they had mean faces.
• 20:44
  You know?
• 20:44
  I had no idea.
• 20:46
  So so it sounds like you were able to kinda tap into that superpower.
• 20:50
  I would say relatively early, and you kinda meandered to find what made sense to you.
• 20:56
  So you kind of it sounds like you live the experience by not getting caught up with you
• 21:02
  know, kind of like you said, that that cycle that a lot of people get into.
• 21:06
  You know, you get the entry level job out of university.
• 21:09
  Oftentimes in corporates and And if you don't if you kinda get stuck or you're or you're
• 21:14
  afraid to make that shift, people kinda stay.
• 21:16
  And like you said, to that point, that people are a little bit disgruntled, but Sometimes
• 21:20
  people don't take the risk, like, to be able to explore.
• 21:23
  And it sounds like that's what you started to do.
• 21:25
  And that is that what you do now with your clients?
• 21:28
  That aren't listening internally to what they're wanting.
• 21:31
  And is there something that you do with them to kind of help them along?
• 21:35
  Absolutely.
• 21:36
  I would say, you know, pertaining to my clients a lot of times, what happens is, you know, the
• 21:41
  initial conversation might be very, like, on the surface.
• 21:44
  Right?
• 21:44
  So it's kind of like, this is my past.
• 21:46
  This is my history.
• 21:47
  This is what I've done.
• 21:49
  This is what I think I can do.
• 21:51
  This is what makes sense based on, you know, the contributions I've made.
• 21:55
  And what we usually begin with is just that point.
• 21:58
  1st, like, what contributions have you made?
• 22:01
  And really, you know, deep deep diving in on the contributions that you've made, not just at
• 22:07
  the office, but even outside of the office, because that's usually where, like, the gold
• 22:11
  lies.
• 22:12
  It's like, what are you doing for free?
• 22:14
  Because that tells me something about what's really in your heart, what's really in your
• 22:18
  soul.
• 22:18
  Pertaining to the dreams that you would like to see made true from a professional perspective.
• 22:24
  There's other little tricks and tips that I do.
• 22:27
  One that I love sharing is I'll sometimes just look at, you know, what is someone's what was
• 22:32
  someone's major as an undergrad So this could be someone that is fifty years old, but I'm
• 22:37
  literally looking on LinkedIn and to see, like, what did they pick when they didn't have mega
• 22:42
  responsibilities.
• 22:44
  But, obviously, the question is, like, was it your choice or your parents?
• 22:47
  So that's something I always kind of, you know, and ask.
• 22:50
  But, there's, like, little clues.
• 22:52
  Right?
• 22:52
  So what I like to do with my clients is really go to those little clues and and really explore
• 22:58
  them and then see if there's a way to sell your potential in that space.
• 23:04
  And what I mean by that is, again, not being caught up by history, not being caught up by
• 23:09
  your past experiences, contributions, and what your boss and friends think you're good at and
• 23:15
  should do.
• 23:16
  It's important to untether yourself, not just from those opinions, but then also untether
• 23:22
  yourself in a way that you have, like, you're in a an experience.
• 23:26
  You're in a situation that has a lot of inertia to it, especially if you're hyper successful.
• 23:31
  If you're hyper successful and people are telling you, you rock at Excel spreadsheets.
• 23:36
  Obviously, they'll say it differently, but let's keep it real here.
• 23:40
  If they tell you, you rock at Excel's spreadsheets.
• 23:42
  And let's say in the middle of your stomach, they make you vomit as they do for me, You'll
• 23:47
  still do those Excel spreadsheets because you get that external validation and you're like,
• 23:51
  well, if I do this one really well, I'll get compensated a bonus, whatever, a promotion.
• 23:56
  So there's that piece of the puzzle too that I work through with my clients.
• 23:59
  So first, it's really okay.
• 24:01
  What have you contributed, not just from a professional effective at the office, but, you
• 24:06
  know, what you've done beyond the office, what's that number?
• 24:11
  And my clients come up with a number.
• 24:12
  They come up with a number.
• 24:13
  They're like, well, I supported someone doing X, and this may have been at my church.
• 24:19
  And I know that I brought in I'm making this up, you know, volunteer hours.
• 24:23
  And if I had to pay them, you know, 50 bucks an hour, 20 bucks an hour, that would amount to y.
• 24:29
  So we come up with a number.
• 24:30
  Right?
• 24:30
  What's the big number?
• 24:32
  How much value from a compensate from a money perspective?
• 24:36
  Not salary.
• 24:37
  How much value have you delivered to the world?
• 24:40
  Then it's that piece of, okay.
• 24:43
  So you've delivered that much value to the world.
• 24:45
  How risky are you willing to be at this stage of your life?
• 24:48
  And I think that's another part of the puzzle that'll that differs for people it's it's kind
• 24:53
  of akin to your investment portfolio.
• 24:56
  Right?
• 24:56
  Are you, like, conservative?
• 24:58
  Yeah.
• 24:58
  You're aggressive or where are you at in the stage and all those things?
• 25:01
  And it It's a combination effect.
• 25:03
  So clearly, I'm gonna ask you a question because I'm curious about this.
• 25:08
  What is it that you think is one of the main stumbling blocks from people this thing to that
• 25:14
  deeper passion within themselves.
• 25:17
  Yeah.
• 25:18
  Based on my conversations with thousands of people at this point, it's really it's really
• 25:23
  it boils down to what other people will think.
• 25:26
  Like, what will other people think?
• 25:28
  And this is this runs the gamut.
• 25:31
  So if you have a, as an example, a job title, let's just make pretend, vice president, you
• 25:36
  know, for a WPP agency or something, and people in marketing would understand what that is from
• 25:42
  an app advertising conglomerate perspective.
• 25:44
  So let's say you have that job title.
• 25:46
  There's a lot that comes with that job title.
• 25:48
  The assumption is your vice president in this particular niche.
• 25:51
  You must be really good in that niche.
• 25:54
  If you go outside of that box, is that because you weren't really good at that niche, you
• 26:00
  know, or, you know, what are you bonkers, like, during your forties, this is when you're
• 26:04
  supposed to make the most money communally possible.
• 26:07
  Like, why don't you stay in your niche?
• 26:09
  So that's that essentially, a lot of that comes from the external environment, but we really
• 26:14
  play it out in our brains.
• 26:16
  Right?
• 26:16
  So I'll give you an example client of mine, is a fitness fanatic.
• 26:21
  I mean, he's been in that space in his minds and in a gym since he was, like, eleven years
• 26:27
  old.
• 26:27
  His family in him.
• 26:29
  They were in a magazine for fitness.
• 26:31
  Right?
• 26:32
  Now fast forward to adulthood.
• 26:34
  He's in an advertising space, and he is petrified of the idea of leaving a corporate
• 26:41
  entity to build out his own fitness practice because he thinks but I have an MBA.
• 26:47
  Like, that's not what I'm supposed to do, you know, or or what's my family gonna think?
• 26:52
  Are they gonna think that I am not appreciative of the sacrifices that they made in order to
• 26:58
  help me with my education, with my life.
• 27:01
  So there's there's all of this, I mean, expectations, but caring about what other
• 27:06
  people think.
• 27:07
  And another one is, you know, based on with whom you hang out, right, you have a certain
• 27:13
  you you there's certain topics that come up every single time you hang out.
• 27:17
  So I remember one person, you know, shared with me.
• 27:19
  She's like, well, I'm part of this group of ladies in a part in California, and we always
• 27:25
  talk about, you know, what we do at the office.
• 27:27
  And we work for these, like, amazing organizations, and we're always talking about
• 27:32
  work stuff.
• 27:33
  Will I fit in anymore?
• 27:36
  What am I gonna talk about if all of a sudden I I I work in academia?
• 27:40
  What if what, you know, am I gonna look important to to my peers if all of sudden, I
• 27:45
  drop off this, you know, ladder.
• 27:48
  It's it's a lot of that.
• 27:49
  And some of it is not necessarily that people are, hearing these messages correctly, although
• 27:56
  parents might say something, even even to adult children.
• 27:59
  So I wanna be very clear.
• 28:00
  I don't coach teenagers.
• 28:02
  These are fifty year olds, six year olds, forty year olds, thirty year olds.
• 28:06
  But it's kind of and funny.
• 28:08
  And if I spoke to my dad this morning, because of what's going on now, but it's kind of like
• 28:12
  they we still have this need to make them feel proud of us.
• 28:17
  Absolutely.
• 28:18
  And I think that's a normal part, like in kind of my world with mental health and wellness,
• 28:24
  you know, and you when people are trying to make a, change and when you see some of the
• 28:27
  core blocking beliefs that they carry with them, and they float back in time.
• 28:32
  And, you know, and you ask them, when's the first time you kinda thought this about
• 28:36
  yourself?
• 28:36
  And they go, Well, well, I was about 11 and you oh, interesting.
• 28:41
  Tell me the story around that.
• 28:43
  So we do carry those those messages either implicit or explicit.
• 28:47
  So it sounds like you as you're kinda starting to work your clients, these things are kinda
• 28:51
  coming to the top, and you're working them through it to help them get past it and look at
• 28:57
  the future vision.
• 28:57
  What kind of things do you do to have them actualize or get connected to that vision?
• 29:02
  What do you do with them?
• 29:04
  So I meet them where they are.
• 29:06
  Right?
• 29:06
  So I'm not gonna be completely wild, but, like, I'll give you an example.
• 29:10
  Let's imagine one of my clients recently.
• 29:13
  So in the back of her mind, her dream is to produce a documentary.
• 29:17
  She already knows what the topic would be.
• 29:19
  However, through our work, I'm helping her lands a full time opportunity at a tech start
• 29:26
  up so that she has money capital to fund her dream.
• 29:32
  So the way that I would help her and the way that I did help her actually, because she's
• 29:35
  already employed.
• 29:36
  So we already went through the process.
• 29:38
  Was through a 9 week, you know, mastermind.
• 29:41
  It's all online.
• 29:42
  And, essentially, I helped her see her worth.
• 29:45
  Right?
• 29:46
  The worth that she has forgotten.
• 29:48
  The worth, ironically, enough that a lot of her friends have seen in her, but she hadn't
• 29:53
  believed for herself.
• 29:55
  And so, again, you know, some of it is like black and white.
• 29:58
  How have you contributed in the past?
• 30:00
  Here's the dollar figure.
• 30:02
  Great.
• 30:02
  How how is it that you are positioning yourself to land this startup opportunity?
• 30:07
  So let's think through that.
• 30:09
  What can you say based on everyone else that's going after the same opportunity, how can you
• 30:14
  stand out?
• 30:14
  So what's your unique selling proposition?
• 30:17
  And that's part of my work.
• 30:18
  Just like as marketers, we think about what's the unique selling proposition to a product or
• 30:23
  service.
• 30:24
  I'm doing it for you, the job candidate.
• 30:26
  Yeah.
• 30:27
  So we go through that process.
• 30:29
  In parallel, I'm teaching the same skills that this client could use to get funding for her
• 30:35
  documentary.
• 30:36
  Right?
• 30:37
  So I'm teaching her how to network effectively with strangers.
• 30:40
  Make it so that these strangers wanna be her champions.
• 30:45
  Same concepts she could apply to getting funding for her documentary.
• 30:50
  And I say these things.
• 30:51
  So I have a good sense of, okay, what is your, you know, business as usual dream in terms of
• 30:58
  getting a job but what's really behind that?
• 31:01
  Why is it important for you to get that compensation to land that opportunity?
• 31:06
  What if we could use in a more metaphorical way your current employer as your VC kind of like I
• 31:14
  did for my education.
• 31:15
  Like, I was leveraging organizations to fund my education.
• 31:19
  Right?
• 31:19
  So same idea.
• 31:20
  You know, why not really parallel path, but the priority with me in terms of helping my clients
• 31:25
  throughout the 9 week program is making sure that they're in a place where they're getting
• 31:30
  compensated according to the real worth that they have been bringing, you know, to the table
• 31:35
  for x period of years.
• 31:37
  So we get to that number, and then we think through, okay, great.
• 31:41
  How can we position you based on the challenges you can solve for this employer, who should you
• 31:45
  talk to, and it's not just people in your network.
• 31:48
  You know, how can you then figure out a way so that you have a brand and you're not tied to an
• 31:55
  employer.
• 31:56
  Even if you get the job, that's my greatest, greatest concern for people And I think right
• 32:01
  now in this pandemic, it's evident that you need to be able to stand on your own two feet.
• 32:08
  I do not care because even IBMers, okay, there's no guaranteed pension anymore for
• 32:14
  IBMers.
• 32:14
  We don't have this, like, Rolex at the end of, you know, 50 years of employment anymore.
• 32:20
  So at the end of the day, I think that right now is the opportunity for everyone to build
• 32:26
  their own brand.
• 32:27
  And that's part of my 9 week program to have an always on networking strategy.
• 32:32
  That's part of my 9 week program.
• 32:34
  And to make sure that at the end of the day, you have a very, clear why.
• 32:39
  Why does it matter?
• 32:41
  And to that client, it's because I want to fund, you know, in her words, I want to fund
• 32:46
  this documentary that's going to help this particular subculture in Bolivia.
• 32:51
  She has a very specific why.
• 32:52
  And I want my clients, anyone with whom I'm interacting, we start with the why because
• 32:57
  that's gonna give them the motivation when the challenges pop up.
• 33:00
  Do you find that most people know the real why, or do you find that you have to help them,
• 33:05
  like, level down to inner core place to really know what the deep why is when they come to
• 33:11
  you?
• 33:12
  Well, I would say in terms of my sweet spot, right, so what I do best and the reason why I
• 33:17
  would say my process has really been effective is because I ask very nuanced questions.
• 33:24
  Like, for me, it's it's really a matter of figuring out what is that question they must
• 33:30
  answer in a way that it's very clear that they can't kind of like wiggle their way around.
• 33:36
  And so when I initiate my conversations with clients, and this actually comes when I invite
• 33:41
  people for, like, a free complimentary breakthrough session, So during the free, you
• 33:46
  know, breakthrough complimentary session, which I do provide and is available for your audience
• 33:51
  members who are in marketing that wanna make a career move now, What I do is I get them to
• 33:57
  that point of what's really behind all of the veneer.
• 34:00
  Right?
• 34:00
  What's behind all of this?
• 34:02
  What is that why for you?
• 34:04
  And, you know, really depending on what their answer is to that question, and it's not that
• 34:10
  broad.
• 34:10
  I am quite precise depending on the conversation I have.
• 34:14
  You know, then we'll do a deep dive.
• 34:16
  Okay.
• 34:16
  Well, now you need to tell me, like, okay, what would that mean?
• 34:19
  Like, if we execute on what you say you want, what would that then mean to you?
• 34:23
  How would that impact your every single day your family, the way you think about yourself,
• 34:28
  what you think is possible for you and your children if you have children, or if you wanna
• 34:32
  build out a legacy.
• 34:33
  So that is through a written assignment that I would provide following a breakthrough session.
• 34:40
  So it's really, for me, I feel I have to iron my thoughts out on paper.
• 34:45
  Like, that's the way I have found for me.
• 34:48
  I'm able to most, to best articulate what I wanna express.
• 34:52
  And so that's that's the tool that I would use for a client to really, like, hone in on their
• 34:58
  why.
• 34:58
  But it starts with general question.
• 35:01
  And then I get a sense of, you know, might might there be something more to something that
• 35:06
  was said might there have been something unsaid that I need to probe.
• 35:11
  And then how can we put pen to paper so that they have it in front of them throughout the
• 35:17
  duration of my 9 week program?
• 35:18
  And I go back to that every now and again, especially when it gets hard.
• 35:22
  So would you say there's differences with men and women in reference to knowing their why, or
• 35:26
  is it just depending on the stage of the person's life in reference to making a change.
• 35:33
  Is there a difference, or is it just that it's unique to the individual?
• 35:39
  It's it's interesting.
• 35:40
  So from a gender perspective, I would say, you know, men and women that I have spoken to, they
• 35:47
  have not really been so shy about their true, true, true, why?
• 35:52
  When it comes to execution, I do notice differences.
• 35:56
  So I do notice that men will and this is again just based on the conversations I've had with
• 36:02
  people who tend to be within, like, the thirty year old to fifty year old, like, age range,
• 36:08
  you know, they basically say, okay, this is really what I would love to explore or do.
• 36:13
  I would say men for the most part, and I'm thinking people that have children.
• 36:18
  So there's a point of differentiation there.
• 36:20
  People that do have children the women that have children, I've noticed, rather use that
• 36:25
  extra time, really being a mom.
• 36:29
  Instead of testing out their dream.
• 36:33
  The men that are parents also, they might actually want to test out their dream.
• 36:39
  So there would be people that come to me that the men have actually piloted their side hustle
• 36:44
  ideas as one example.
• 36:46
  Okay.
• 36:46
  The women just come to me with the deals and they haven't piloted it, and they're not gonna
• 36:52
  pilot it unless somebody pushes them.
• 36:55
  Right.
• 36:56
  Right.
• 36:56
  So the coaching is a bit different.
• 36:58
  I I would think sometimes if you're trying to kinda move them along with men, it's kind of
• 37:03
  having them take the steps and women, it's kinda having them see that it's potentially
• 37:08
  possible, but how can they make it fit into their loo worlds?
• 37:12
  100%.
• 37:13
  Absolutely.
• 37:15
  Because you can wait and you can sometimes wait a very, very long time.
• 37:18
  I think when I made my shift from corporate, And, you know, I was with the company for 16
• 37:25
  years, then I got a severance package, and then I took the step.
• 37:28
  And but I'd always had it in the back of my mind to your point.
• 37:31
  But, again, I was in that stage at, you know, a young young child, you know, lots of different
• 37:36
  things going on at that time.
• 37:39
  And but I was loving what I was doing at the time.
• 37:41
  So I was absorbing a lot of things, but sometimes you get pushed out that says, here's
• 37:45
  the ledge.
• 37:47
  Are you gonna jump?
• 37:48
  And, you know, and then you take that step and you think, what?
• 37:51
  What am I doing?
• 37:52
  Like, you know, and then you, like, to your point, you get the you know, somebody to assist
• 37:57
  you to to really look at that long vision to what am I what what will I be doing?
• 38:02
  Like, I mean, I have all this experience.
• 38:04
  I have the education.
• 38:05
  But now what?
• 38:06
  And, you know, like anything else, you have all this stuff that you've done, but having
• 38:10
  somebody help you funnel down to why you do what you're doing?
• 38:15
  And and why did you start to do this stuff to begin with?
• 38:18
  Right?
• 38:18
  And is it ready or passion?
• 38:20
  Those type So things that was the valuable thing that I found helped me pivot and make a
• 38:24
  a, you know, a big shift and start my business.
• 38:27
  So I could see how sometimes the difference between men and and women can can be.
• 38:31
  So so with you, I'm sure people are wanting to know about, this, free consultation calls Let's
• 38:39
  talk a little bit about the podcast before it because I I wanna make sure we have enough
• 38:42
  time.
• 38:43
  Tell everybody about the podcast.
• 38:44
  Like I said, we're both, she podcasters.
• 38:47
  We belong to a Facebook group, that ready, speaks to women in podcasting, giving us things
• 38:54
  that maybe other, traditional platforms, not that there's problems with, male platforms, but
• 38:59
  it gives us a voice in a different way.
• 39:01
  So tell everyone a little bit about, the podcast, Melissa.
• 39:05
  Yes.
• 39:06
  So it's an interview with Melissa Lorena, and the interesting bit about it is that I've been
• 39:13
  really known for job interviews.
• 39:15
  That's why I decided to just really make this pure interview format.
• 39:19
  And what I do is, essentially, I'm interviewing people that can be you.
• 39:23
  They can be you.
• 39:24
  Like, you can be those people.
• 39:26
  Right?
• 39:26
  So I'm giving you case studies.
• 39:27
  It's kind of like this was their path.
• 39:29
  This is what they did.
• 39:30
  This is what made their journey.
• 39:32
  Help, you know, better, more comfortable for them versus, like, this is what you wanna
• 39:37
  avoid.
• 39:37
  And so there's been amazing guests including Gary Vaynerchuk, which was a mission and a
• 39:42
  half.
• 39:43
  But, again, how can you talk to strangers?
• 39:45
  Right?
• 39:45
  So, again, that's me showing you how to do this.
• 39:49
  So I encourage anyone to listen to that one for that message as far as songs to strangers.
• 39:53
  And, you know, people that have been former teachers who were making money, height of their
• 39:58
  careers and wanted to be, you know, either vloggers on sneakers or vloggers in terms of
• 40:06
  full time artists.
• 40:08
  So it's people that are a bit of a collage.
• 40:10
  Some of it is also my curiosity because I'm I'm just curious.
• 40:14
  Like, what gives people the courage to act on their curiosity in such creative ways.
• 40:19
  And so that is the premise of my podcast.
• 40:23
  So absolutely findable iTunes, Google Podcasts, and my website as well.
• 40:28
  Sounds amazing.
• 40:29
  Because I would think that Another perspective is how did they fail?
• 40:33
  Because I I think, you know, the growth within a lot of those things, and I think of my my
• 40:37
  tenure since doing my business how many times I failed.
• 40:41
  And I I thought I was on the right path, but, you know, and then thinking, oh, I I wasted
• 40:45
  that time, but really the lessons that were learned it may not have given me an economic
• 40:50
  return, but boy, did it ever give me knowledge, going forward maybe you know, producing another
• 40:56
  product or, looking at a a different platform or, you know, creating a different service.
• 41:01
  So I I think that those are amazing because you know, we often see the successful person out
• 41:08
  there and you're thinking, oh, they've never been through anything.
• 41:10
  And, actually, when you talk to a lot of successful people, which I'm sure through your
• 41:14
  your podcast, you realize how much they failed and how they pivot out of it.
• 41:19
  They, you know, they take a bit of time and then they do things different and they they get
• 41:22
  back up, they brush off, and they go on.
• 41:24
  So I think it would be very, very valuable.
• 41:27
  So any last words before I let you go?
• 41:29
  I wanna your time because I know you have a tight timeline, and you're on a you're at what
• 41:35
  time are you in Sydney right now?
• 41:38
  It's my morning.
• 41:38
  It's 9:11 AM.
• 41:40
  Oh, okay.
• 41:41
  And it's 6:11 here.
• 41:42
  So you're on a different, definitely a different time zone than me.
• 41:46
  So what what words of wisdom?
• 41:48
  For somebody think they're listening to you, and they're like, oh, yeah.
• 41:50
  Sure, Sean, Melissa.
• 41:52
  You know, it takes a lot to pivot.
• 41:53
  It takes a lot to make that step.
• 41:55
  I'm scared.
• 41:57
  You know, I have children.
• 41:58
  I, you know, I have this phenomenal, you know, SVP or CEO position, but I've got this burning
• 42:04
  desire?
• 42:04
  What kind of what kind of words of wisdom would you give to someone like that about taking that
• 42:09
  step even though it might be scary?
• 42:11
  So I would say that if you are a parent, just because you mentioned that sort of case study,
• 42:18
  right?
• 42:19
  So if you're a parent and let's say you're in forties, which typically are supposed to be,
• 42:23
  like, the highest income earning years or decade of our lives.
• 42:27
  What's really important is to make some some decisions pertaining to your lifestyle.
• 42:33
  And I know this might hit people where it hurts, but I think right now, this is such a
• 42:38
  unique opportunity from a global perspective given where we are in our homes, you know,
• 42:45
  stuck, not having access to the outdoor or outside world, unless only through social
• 42:52
  media, for instance, but I think it's about making choices as far as what's necessary
• 42:56
  pertaining to our quality of life.
• 42:58
  You know, do we really need?
• 43:00
  And I'm just gonna go out on a limb here.
• 43:02
  Do we really need that huge house?
• 43:04
  Is that house really something that you, as a little girl, a little boy, were dreaming of
• 43:09
  having as an adult, or, again, going back to other people's expectations, was that a sign
• 43:15
  for your parents.
• 43:16
  Let's just say if they are alive that, you know, they did a good job.
• 43:20
  So you have to be really honest with yourself because once you offload those financial
• 43:26
  burdens, you will feel lighter pertaining to the choices you make as far as careers you must
• 43:33
  have and the compensation you must earn such that you can still feel like you are a
• 43:40
  provider, whether you're a mom or a dad.
• 43:42
  And that's a that's a practical first step.
• 43:45
  Just thinking through what's necessary, what's not, and what are the reasons behind your
• 43:50
  acquisitions for lack of a better phrase.
• 43:53
  And then the second one is this, and I think this is really important, and this is something
• 43:56
  that I've been fighting for for years.
• 43:59
  Which is that I firmly believe that our dreams as parents can live side by side with our
• 44:09
  children's dreams.
• 44:10
  As a matter of fact, I would say that is optimal because they need paradigms.
• 44:16
  They need models.
• 44:17
  If they see you and you could fall along the way towards building your dream, but if they
• 44:22
  see you get back up, you are then providing them with an opportunity to see, okay, whatever
• 44:29
  I might want is possible.
• 44:30
  It might be hard, but This is how my mom was able to get back up.
• 44:34
  Or, this is how my dad was able to get back up.
• 44:37
  So that would be those are those are points that I think right now, if you're stuck at home
• 44:42
  and I said this, in another podcast the other day, I think if you're stuck at home and you're
• 44:47
  on a sales call and you get to reject right now, this moment, I think it's time to share
• 44:53
  with our kids how you handle rejection I also think right now, if you feel that, you know,
• 44:58
  you shaved off 20 minutes, 20 hours, actually, for some people, have a commute time this week,
• 45:03
  why not use that time to start building out your dream.
• 45:08
  But again, start with the whole, like, what is absolutely necessary from a quality of life per
• 45:13
  perspective.
• 45:14
  And then what can I do without?
• 45:16
  And then, okay.
• 45:17
  So what does that mean?
• 45:18
  How much money do I really need every single month?
• 45:20
  And, you know, obviously, health care comes into play from a US perspective, not as much
• 45:24
  Canada, but if unless you do private, right, health insurance.
• 45:28
  So I think those are tangible next steps But absolutely, if you're a marketing professional
• 45:33
  and you wanna make a career move and you, you know, this resonates.
• 45:37
  What I'm sharing with you resonates reach out to me because that complimentary 1 hour is
• 45:41
  available if you are committed to really making a move.
• 45:45
  You know, it's so I'll give you a little story before I let you go, but you know, when I wrote
• 45:49
  my book and, I I got the severance, didn't have a job.
• 45:53
  I thought, well, I'm gonna I'm gonna write a book.
• 45:55
  Right?
• 45:56
  It was a thought.
• 45:57
  And, you know, one of those things, no job, you know, severance package recently separated, and
• 46:02
  here I am.
• 46:03
  Okay.
• 46:03
  Sure.
• 46:03
  I'm gonna launch this business.
• 46:05
  And, I wrote that book, and the biggest, thing that came from that is the day my son could
• 46:14
  read the acknowledgements in the book to my book launch of a hundred people.
• 46:19
  And so you are so right.
• 46:20
  Did I know what I was doing?
• 46:21
  Oh, hell no.
• 46:22
  Thought I'm gonna start this, you know, business and that the book is gonna be a
• 46:26
  platform, and that's kinda where it came from.
• 46:28
  But, again, you are so right.
• 46:29
  They're looking at you and they're learning.
• 46:31
  And I think that opportunity to show them as real life role models that life's not easy, but
• 46:37
  anything's possible based on the things that you're willing to do, And for anyone listening,
• 46:42
  you know, if that's something that you're willing to take that step into it and talk, get
• 46:47
  the right people, whether it's marketing or a different coach, figure it out.
• 46:51
  Figure out.
• 46:51
  If you don't have the information, there's somebody ahead of you that has helped others
• 46:55
  who has done it and you find that mentor and you figure it out along the way to say, what
• 47:00
  next.
• 47:01
  And if I can't listen to my internal voice, who's who can help me.
• 47:05
  So Absolutely.
• 47:06
  With Melissa, you know, definitely, we're gonna put her link to, both her podcast and, the free
• 47:13
  consultation in the show notes, reach out, listen, learn.
• 47:17
  I'm I'm I'm gonna tune in and listen because I think those would be amazing stories.
• 47:21
  And, you know, I always talk about listening to that internal voice, which is so interesting
• 47:25
  when I hear what Melissa She doesn't remember marketing, and I do it on a health and wellness
• 47:30
  end because at the end of the day, every choice that we need to make that's truly good for us
• 47:34
  is internally driven.
• 47:36
  And at this time, on this uncertain time, we have time.
• 47:41
  So, like, if what like you said, that 20 hour commutes or being able to work from home or
• 47:47
  just having the pleasure of being around your children or your partners that much more use it
• 47:51
  in a way that helps you get a little bit closer to that internal authentic voice.
• 47:56
  So thanks again, Melissa.
• 47:57
  That was amazing, and hopefully we'll connect again soon.
• 48:01
  This is Roxanne Derhodge of the authentic connection movement.
• 48:04
  If you're any needing any information on keynoting, training, or consulting, you can
• 48:08
  reach me at roxannedurhaj.com.
• 48:09
  Derhodge for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
• 48:17
  healthy change.
• 48:18
  Roxanne is a Kino speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
• 48:24
  roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
• 48:28
  We'll see you next time.
• 48:30
  An authentic living with Roxanne.