Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Manage Up Without Oversharing
Transcript
- Lucas: You get promoted to manager, and suddenly you're in a lot more meetings with your boss. And one of the trickiest things to figure out is how much to tell them — about what's going wrong, what you're unsure about, what your team is saying. Luna: Yeah, there's this tightrope. Share too little and you look out of touch. Share too much and you look like you can't handle the job. Lucas: Exactly. And a lot of new managers default to one extreme or the other. So today I want to talk about what I call the 'information diet' — how to calibrate what you feed upward so your boss stays informed but doesn't get overwhelmed, and you stay credible without hiding. Luna: I love that framing. Because I've definitely seen managers who treat every 1-1 with their boss like a therapy session, and others who just send a link to a dashboard and call it a day. Lucas: Right. Neither works. Let's look at a concrete case. I was talking to an engineering manager — first-time manager, about four months in. She had a really good relationship with her skip-level, but she noticed her direct boss — her VP — started canceling their weekly 1-1s. She was getting worried she was losing access. Luna: Oof. That is a bad sign. What was she sending him beforehand? Lucas: A very detailed status report. Sprint progress, individual velocity, blockers, even some team sentiment data. Probably fifteen bullet points. And the VP was a busy guy who only needed maybe three things from her. Luna: So she was basically making it hard for him to see what actually mattered. Lucas: Exactly. So we worked on a new framework. Every update she sends — whether it's in a doc or in the 1-1 agenda — gets sorted into three buckets: decisions, dependencies, and data. Luna: Decisions are things she needs her boss to actually decide. Dependencies are things she's waiting on from someone else. And data is just the key metrics — maybe two numbers, not twenty. Luna: Right. So she sent a one-page memo with that structure. The next week, her VP not only showed up to the 1-1, he actually read it beforehand. He said, 'This is perfect. Can you share this with the other new managers?' Lucas: That's the dream outcome. And by the way, if this episode is helping you think through a communication approach that could save your 1-1s, that's exactly the kind of thing our listeners tell us makes a difference. The way we keep this show ad-free and focused on practical stuff is through listener support — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a low-pressure way to say 'this helped.' And it genuinely does help us keep going. Luna: Yeah, I love that the community keeps this going. Anyway — back to that framework. Decisions, dependencies, data. What about when something genuinely goes wrong? Like a missed deadline or a team conflict. Do you put that in the same memo? Lucas: Great question. I think new managers often make the mistake of either hiding bad news until it's too late, or oversharing every wobble. The middle ground is: communicate the signal, not the noise. Luna: Meaning — tell them what happened, what you've done so far, and what you need from them. Not the five-step play-by-play of your panic. Lucas: Exactly. So if a project slipped by a week, you say: 'We missed the June 15 milestone. We've re-scoped the remaining work and are now targeting June 22. No change to the final delivery date. No support needed from you unless that slips.' That's a signal. The noise would be: 'We had a bug, and then Bob was out sick, and the QA environment was down…' — they don't need that. Luna: And they also don't need to hear about every minor team complaint. There's a difference between a pattern and an isolated vent. Lucas: Right. I think the rule of thumb is: if it's something you can solve on your own in the next 48 hours, your boss probably doesn't need to hear about it until it's resolved or until it escalates. Luna: Unless it's a pattern that might affect retention or performance. Then you want to surface it early as a data point, not as a crisis. Lucas: Exactly. And that brings up another angle — the 'skip-level' relationship. As a new manager, you might have a boss and a skip-level. How do you manage information flow to both without creating confusion or looking like you're going over someone's head? Luna: Yeah, that's a minefield. I've seen new managers accidentally undermine their direct boss by giving the skip-level too much unfiltered data. Lucas: The key is: your direct boss sets the context. So in your 1-1 with your skip, you can say: 'As I discussed with, we're tracking toward X. Here's what I see at my level.' That signals alignment. Luna: And if the skip asks a question that feels like it could put your boss in a bad light, you can say: 'I'd like to loop into that conversation so we're all on the same page.' Lucas: That's a great line. It's not evasive — it's collaborative. And it protects your direct relationship. Luna: So let's talk about the opposite problem. What about the manager who overshares because they're trying to build trust? They think vulnerability equals transparency. Lucas: That's a really common trap, especially for first-time managers who were promoted from within. They used to be peers, and now they're managing former friends. They want to seem open and human. Luna: But their boss doesn't need to know how stressed they are about managing their old friend Mike. That's a detail that can backfire — it makes the boss wonder if they can handle the people side. Lucas: Right. So the filter is: share your assessment, not your anxiety. You can say: 'I'm working on building a new dynamic with the team after my promotion. I've scheduled individual check-ins with each person.' That's assessment. 'I'm so nervous about talking to Mike, I barely slept' — that's anxiety. Luna: And the former is professional. The latter is — while relatable — not what you want your boss to remember. Lucas: So a good practice is: before you send any update or walk into a 1-1, ask yourself one question. What's the one thing my boss needs to know so they can help me or get out of my way? Luna: And if the answer is 'nothing,' then maybe you don't need a meeting that week. I've seen managers who schedule a recurring 1-1 but then fill the time with filler just because it's on the calendar. Lucas: Yes. And that's actually a great signal to your boss — if you say, 'I think we can skip this week. Nothing urgent on my end. Let's pick up next week,' they'll appreciate the respect for their time. Luna: I'd add: always give them a way to reach you if something comes up. So that cancel feels safe, not like you're hiding. Lucas: Exactly. So to wrap up the framework: decide what bucket each piece of information falls into — decision, dependency, or data. Communicate signals, not noise. And protect your boss's time by being selective. Luna: And remember that managing up is a skill you'll use your entire career. The better you get at it now, the more trust you build for when you really need it. Lucas: I think the best new managers treat their boss like a customer — not a parent, not a therapist. Give them what they need to be successful, and they'll give you the autonomy to do your job. Luna: That's a good note to end on. Next episode, I want to talk about something I've been thinking about — how new managers can run a one-on-one that doesn't feel like a status update. Lucas: Perfect. That's a great follow-up. We'll see you then.