Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #170 w/Augustine Francois

Transcript

Episode #170 w/Augustine Francois · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

0:05
Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Kicking It with Kiki.
0:09
Speaker 1: Let me start over, have some mus to get I
0:14
Speaker 1: understand all right, Welcome back to another episode of Kicking
0:20
Speaker 1: It with Kiki. Life, Love and mindset. I am your host,
0:23
Speaker 1: Kiki Chanel. Around here we talk about lifelove, mindset, growth,
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Speaker 1: healing and everything in between. So today we're diving into life,
0:33
Speaker 1: love and mindset with the lovely guests that I have
0:36
Speaker 1: for you today. And you guys know how I'd like
0:39
Speaker 1: to do. I'd like to give my guests the opportunity
0:42
Speaker 1: to tell you who they are. So I don't know
0:44
Speaker 1: what name she's gonna go by today, so I'll let
0:47
Speaker 1: her introduce herself.
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Speaker 2: So, hey, Queen, Hey Queen, thank you so much Kiki
0:53
Speaker 2: for having me on this amazing platform.
0:55
Speaker 3: I want to.
0:55
Speaker 2: Shout out joy for putting me onto your greatness right now.
1:00
Speaker 2: So my name is Shirley, Shirley Tusan, but I go
1:03
Speaker 2: by Queen the Varati. But I feel like every chapter
1:06
Speaker 2: of my life I sort of morph into new things.
1:09
Speaker 3: And so Augustine Francois is where I'm at right now.
1:12
Speaker 2: Because I found out about my great grandmother a couple
1:14
Speaker 2: of months back, and so I'm trying to encapsulate and
1:18
Speaker 2: capture her as I move forward, because I believe there's
1:21
Speaker 2: something there, you know what I mean.
1:23
Speaker 3: So that's pretty much where I'm at with it.
1:25
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Well, thank you for coming and kicking with me today.
1:28
Speaker 1: There's been a pleasure and shout out to Coach Joy,
1:30
Speaker 1: one of my favorite people. Thank you just for an introduction.
1:33
Speaker 1: We love you, love you, love you, purple, hugs and
1:36
Speaker 1: all the things.
1:37
Speaker 2: My favorite color, well, one of my favorite colors if
1:40
Speaker 2: it's for February.
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Speaker 1: Okay, Yes, I love purple and I love green, you know,
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Speaker 1: so those are my two. Those are my two favorite colors.
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Speaker 1: But we're going to get into the mindset moment where
1:51
Speaker 1: we talk about mindset that shapes how we experience life
1:55
Speaker 1: and love. Okay, yes, who are you? What mindset shift
2:02
Speaker 1: changed the way you approach to life?
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Speaker 2: There's been so many you know what I mean, so
2:08
Speaker 2: many different things have occurred in my life, and I'm
2:11
Speaker 2: doing my best today not to be t and mish,
2:13
Speaker 2: but I really trying my best to be as transparent
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Speaker 2: as I can. So I feel like right now I'm
2:19
Speaker 2: on day four hundred and seventy no alcohol, but I'm
2:22
Speaker 2: still lit though, and I feel like that's a big
2:25
Speaker 2: thing for me. So I want to sort of talk
2:28
Speaker 2: about that mindset shift because set shift because I feel
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Speaker 2: like I was utilizing something that I would use as
2:35
Speaker 2: celebrating to cope and navigate through things, and it sort
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Speaker 2: of took control over me.
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Speaker 3: And though God.
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Speaker 2: Took it away from me prior, like in nineteen ninety six,
2:46
Speaker 2: he took it from me. So I was twenty years
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Speaker 2: without drinking, but then I started drinking again, and I
2:51
Speaker 2: feel like this time the shift is because I put
2:54
Speaker 2: it down. And I'm not saying that I'll never ever
2:57
Speaker 2: sip again, but whenever, if I ever sipple, get it
3:01
Speaker 2: will never be to cope nor to navigate. So the
3:04
Speaker 2: mindset shift around that is to not put nothing in
3:08
Speaker 2: the place of what God can do for me, like
3:10
Speaker 2: to not rely on any other outside source to do
3:13
Speaker 2: the things that only God can do for me. If
3:15
Speaker 2: that makes sense, I don't know if the answer is it,
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Speaker 2: but that's where I just want to be transparent.
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Speaker 3: I'm not going to be performative and none of that.
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Speaker 3: This is where I'm really at what it.
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Speaker 1: Listen, that is amazing that you can talk about it
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Speaker 1: and still have joy in it, because that's how you
3:32
Speaker 1: know that you're healing from it. You can help somebody
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Speaker 1: else go through it because we all have self medicated
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Speaker 1: one time or another, and the people who have not,
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Speaker 1: thank God, thank God, have not been to the point
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Speaker 1: where you had to do that.
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Speaker 3: Right, right, right exactly. No judge me here, I ain't
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Speaker 3: judging you.
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Speaker 2: If you still sipping a tipping I take a little break,
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Speaker 2: if that's all.
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Speaker 1: Right, exactly. And sometimes the breaks is good because you
3:58
Speaker 1: learn who you are, You start to see a little
4:00
Speaker 1: bit more clear, your path becomes more transparent for yourself
4:05
Speaker 1: along as others see you walk in a journey that
4:10
Speaker 1: they didn't think that you can walk because they're so
4:13
Speaker 1: used to you being stuck or out of your mind,
4:17
Speaker 1: so to speak.
4:18
Speaker 3: Exactly.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So what belief that you have to unlearn
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Speaker 1: to grow during that season?
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Speaker 2: I had to just believe that God is big enough,
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Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And a lot of times
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Speaker 2: I think we we limit God based off of what
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Speaker 2: we've been taught about God. And you know, I come
4:40
Speaker 2: from Pentecostal background, I come from you know, Protestant and
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Speaker 2: all these different things. So I feel like because of
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Speaker 2: the way that we are taught about who God is,
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Speaker 2: we put caps on them and we put him in
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Speaker 2: this big scary box of I'm too far, far removed
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Speaker 2: from God to need God, or not even to need God,
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Speaker 2: but to go to God. And I think to undo
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Speaker 2: the belief of that, I'm never too broken. I'm never
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Speaker 2: too far away from God to be loved by God,
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Speaker 2: or to be talked to, or to be to be
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Speaker 2: helped in the midst of it, to never hide. Like
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Speaker 2: you know, when Adam and Eve they hid, I feel
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Speaker 2: like if they would have just been transparent right in
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Speaker 2: that moment and not try to cast blame to each
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Speaker 2: other and just face God right that smack in the
5:29
Speaker 2: center of it, all help would have been given in
5:31
Speaker 2: that moment. So I feel like to undo the belief
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Speaker 2: system that we are too far removed from God to
5:37
Speaker 2: get God's love and grace and mercy.
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Speaker 3: Still, so I had to do away with all those thoughts.
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Speaker 1: I love that. I love that because I'm right there
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Speaker 1: with you. Like God knew who it was gonna make
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Speaker 1: a mistake before even done it. So don't hide because
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Speaker 1: he already know. Just say you know what, God, I'm sorry, Yes,
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Speaker 1: take your link and go on, come on, come on,
5:58
Speaker 1: take your look and go on. And I love that
6:00
Speaker 1: you said about Adam and Eve because I really do
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Speaker 1: believe that God would have had mercy on them had
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Speaker 1: they not tried to play God. They tried. Yeah, like,
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Speaker 1: I already know what you did. Just come to me.
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Speaker 1: I'm your father.
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Speaker 3: I sort of wanted it. I feel like he sort
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Speaker 3: of wanted that.
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Speaker 2: It was like, Okay, I see where your strengths and
6:18
Speaker 2: your weaknesses are, so let me help you here. But
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Speaker 2: I can only do that with transparency and the vulnerability
6:25
Speaker 2: of being transparent. I think a lot of times we
6:28
Speaker 2: lose sight of that because of fear of shame and
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Speaker 2: embarrassment and the fear of saying I failed.
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Speaker 3: Okay, he failed.
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Speaker 2: And here we are in the in the failure, there's
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Speaker 2: still grace here, there's still a rehabilitation here. Not to
6:42
Speaker 2: get so caught up in your failure because to me,
6:45
Speaker 2: what God had to Since we're on this topic, it's
6:48
Speaker 2: like it's sort of like haughty of you to think.
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Speaker 3: That, Like I made you, I created you.
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Speaker 2: I know you're ins and ounced I want to see
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Speaker 2: if you know them and if you're vulnerable enough to
6:58
Speaker 2: come to me so that I can build you up
7:01
Speaker 2: because I know what you're made of.
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Speaker 3: I've made you, I created you. I know you're good.
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Speaker 2: Send your badge already. I just want to see where
7:06
Speaker 2: you're at with me. Do you really trust me? And
7:09
Speaker 2: we're not to just trust God and the things that
7:11
Speaker 2: are so wonderful and beautiful. Oh oh, I'm gonna get
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Speaker 2: the house. No, I'm gonna get delivered here.
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Speaker 3: Yes, And I'm not all that and and I and
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Speaker 3: I and I need your help here because I'm like
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Speaker 3: simple getting.
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Speaker 2: So I'm counting my days because I need you to
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Speaker 2: help me along the way, not because I'm so deep
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Speaker 2: and divine. I'm counting them to ever put it before
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Speaker 2: me because I.
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Speaker 1: Know I know me right and you know me?
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Speaker 3: Why you know me? And stop playing around here?
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Speaker 1: Okay? I love that. I love that. And thank you
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Speaker 1: for your transparency. It is refreshing to have people like
7:45
Speaker 1: you on the podcast that will be open and honest
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Speaker 1: and transparent enough to share your story. Thank you unapologetically
7:54
Speaker 1: with someone who needs to hear that they're not alone
7:57
Speaker 1: because we all have been there. So thank you.
8:00
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me.
8:01
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely all right, We're talking about mindset in this one.
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Speaker 1: What mindset kept you grounded through your difficult season.
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Speaker 3: There's been so many man like and I don't want
8:13
Speaker 3: to sound like this. I prayed about this the.
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Speaker 2: Whole time, just from the beginning, the inception of getting
8:18
Speaker 2: in touch with you.
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Speaker 3: I've been praying about it because some of us don't
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Speaker 3: catch breaks.
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Speaker 2: And it's like, I'm like, God, please don't make this
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Speaker 2: like a cry fest.
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Speaker 3: Don't let me cry on here. If I cry my cry,
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Speaker 3: I'm not going to keep it from happening. But it's like.
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Speaker 2: There's not a break for all of us all the time.
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Speaker 2: So I feel like the mindset that you have to have,
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Speaker 2: especially when you've been given much, you know, much has
8:42
Speaker 2: been what's the saying too much has been given?
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Speaker 3: Much is required?
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Speaker 2: And I think because we've been given so much, we
8:48
Speaker 2: take on more than a lot of people do, and
8:51
Speaker 2: so we have to always have the fortitude and the
8:54
Speaker 2: mindset to not look to the side of to the
8:57
Speaker 2: right or to the left, to just stay focused and
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Speaker 2: ego because if we take our eyes off of the
9:03
Speaker 2: initial thing that God showed us, if we don't have that,
9:09
Speaker 2: why you know what I mean, Like that thing that
9:11
Speaker 2: He showed you, I know you're gonna be rich is
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Speaker 2: the thing for you, or you're gonna have a husband,
9:16
Speaker 2: that's the thing for you.
9:17
Speaker 3: If you take your mind off.
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Speaker 2: Of what God showed you, sometimes you can lose focus.
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Speaker 2: Remember that God said it, you're you're, you're, you're, You're
9:28
Speaker 2: trying to know how get yourself out of the way.
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Speaker 2: So to remove the howl. Remove the howl is a mindset.
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Speaker 3: Remove it.
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Speaker 2: That's a mindset. And we could, we could make shirts
9:39
Speaker 2: and everything. Okay, cups, banners.
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Speaker 3: Forget about the how, Just.
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Speaker 2: Forget forget about the how, and focus on what God
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Speaker 2: showed you because He didn't lie about it.
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Speaker 3: You just get your way out the way.
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Speaker 1: Just get out of God's way. You don't meet no help, period,
10:00
Speaker 1: don't need no help. Okay, what life experience or you
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Speaker 1: to grow the most sure?
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Speaker 3: I think seeing how I was changing.
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Speaker 2: On the alcohol, you know, because again it doesn't happen overnight,
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Speaker 2: and so your brain chemistry is changing. All these different
10:29
Speaker 2: things are changing, but you're not acknowledging these changes because
10:32
Speaker 2: it's all happening in the background, you know what I mean.
10:35
Speaker 2: As you go on with your life and you're living
10:37
Speaker 2: day to day, you think it's just a sip here
10:39
Speaker 2: or there.
10:39
Speaker 3: But the more that.
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Speaker 2: I kept sipping, I started seeing the dependency. Now it
10:44
Speaker 2: was starting to mess with me physically because now it
10:48
Speaker 2: wasn't about just sipping. It was about medicating literally, not
10:51
Speaker 2: just self medicating, not to think about pain and numbing
10:54
Speaker 2: this nombing that it was.
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Speaker 3: Girl, if you don't get this, you're gonna spiral. If
10:57
Speaker 3: you don't get this, you're.
10:58
Speaker 2: Gonna have dts, which are delusional trumors, all these different
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Speaker 2: things that are attached to this, this whatever you want
11:07
Speaker 2: to call it, substance. So for me, the life situation
11:11
Speaker 2: was waking up to the fact that I am not
11:15
Speaker 2: this person that I really want to be right now,
11:19
Speaker 2: this is not the person that I want to be
11:22
Speaker 2: because when I forget and I'm saying things that I
11:25
Speaker 2: can't remember, I did that, no way, So not remembering
11:30
Speaker 2: if I could just put it under an umbrella, not
11:33
Speaker 2: remembering things that I said that were hurtful, harmful or
11:38
Speaker 2: did I hurt somebody's for real? Could I have killed
11:41
Speaker 2: somebody and not remember? Could I have done things that
11:43
Speaker 2: I excuse that I hate.
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Speaker 3: And not remember.
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Speaker 2: So that was the biggest life situation for me because
11:53
Speaker 2: it altered the whole.
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Speaker 1: Thing, right.
11:57
Speaker 2: Wow, And even though there's so much but that right there,
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Speaker 2: because who you are, no matter what it's taking place
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Speaker 2: in our lives, there's a beauty in the struggle. There's
12:08
Speaker 2: a beauty in being here after all the pain and the.
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Speaker 3: Trauma and the hurt.
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Speaker 2: But when you start self medicating, you start deteriorating the
12:18
Speaker 2: beautiful person that the struggle created. Because there are things
12:22
Speaker 2: that make us relatable to people, There are things that
12:24
Speaker 2: make us able to understand another person's plight because of
12:28
Speaker 2: what we've been through. But when we start medicating, we
12:31
Speaker 2: turn surly sometimes and it's going against the person that
12:34
Speaker 2: you know you are, That oral that God has given
12:36
Speaker 2: you innately starts to fade away. And I could not
12:40
Speaker 2: deal with knowing that I could be hurting people and
12:43
Speaker 2: not knowing.
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Speaker 1: That, Wow, that's amazing revelation. How lone would you say
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Speaker 1: you have been if you had been on the substance
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Speaker 1: before you got that revelation?
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Speaker 2: If I could be honest, because God don't stop speaking
13:03
Speaker 2: to me, and I know He don't stop speaking to us,
13:05
Speaker 2: you know, everybody, to whoever believes in them, And I
13:09
Speaker 2: feel like He would talk to me here or there,
13:11
Speaker 2: and of course I would.
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Speaker 3: Dull him out, like you know, you know.
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Speaker 2: But I would say at the tail end, I think,
13:20
Speaker 2: you know, like when you see something pixelated. So he
13:23
Speaker 2: was talking through the whole time, but it was all
13:25
Speaker 2: pixelated to me audio wise pixelated, or sound was muffled
13:30
Speaker 2: or whatever. But the clear, pristine sound or the clear
13:33
Speaker 2: pristine visuals came when I again did things that I
13:38
Speaker 2: could not remember. So I would say from the tail end,
13:42
Speaker 2: I did. All of the changing happened for me February
13:44
Speaker 2: the tenth, which is my birthday month, and I did
13:48
Speaker 2: it on the date of my best friend who passed
13:51
Speaker 2: away on her birthday. I started on the tenth of February.
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Speaker 2: I think that's when it just said, you know, enough
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Speaker 2: is enough. You can't remember your kid love you more
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Speaker 2: than anything, and you don't want to hurt them, and
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Speaker 2: anything that hurts you and affects you is gonna hurt them.
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Speaker 2: So to remove myself out of the way completely, as
14:10
Speaker 2: painful as that is, that was the true moment. I
14:16
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, what enough is enough, It's done.
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Speaker 1: Thank you for being open about that. And I want
14:26
Speaker 1: to I want to throw love in there, because you
14:27
Speaker 1: mentioned your kids. How has love whether self love or
14:31
Speaker 1: relationship shift that your mindset.
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Speaker 3: Wow, love is I think love to me.
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Speaker 2: Is the reason why I am still, you know, I
14:43
Speaker 2: think that's the reason why I'm not under the ground.
14:47
Speaker 2: And not to make it more more bid or anything,
14:49
Speaker 2: but I'm just being candid because.
14:52
Speaker 3: I feel like if I didn't have.
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Speaker 2: The five whys and my two other babies that went
14:59
Speaker 2: up to if I didn't have those things, I don't
15:04
Speaker 2: think i'd be here.
15:06
Speaker 3: First of all, the love of God first and foremost, the.
15:09
Speaker 2: Love for my children, but then inevitably it had to
15:12
Speaker 2: become the love for myself because everything used to be
15:15
Speaker 2: all my kids and my mom and rest in peace
15:17
Speaker 2: to my twins that passed on, and you know, of
15:19
Speaker 2: course God's love. But then when I begin to really
15:22
Speaker 2: tap in fully into the love for me all the way,
15:26
Speaker 2: like it's gonna be a little selfish around here, loving
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Speaker 2: me wholeheartedly, good, bad, ugly or indifferent, and having grace
15:35
Speaker 2: with myself in the same manner that I would have
15:37
Speaker 2: grace with other people, I think that's when it started
15:40
Speaker 2: resonating even for real, more for real, because I love people.
15:44
Speaker 2: I tell people that I'm an EmPATH and I'm always
15:47
Speaker 2: helping other people, and I love so deeply, but a
15:52
Speaker 2: lot of times we're not as ginger or loving or
15:57
Speaker 2: generous to ourselves or forgive to ourselves as we are
16:02
Speaker 2: to everybody else. So I had to do some real
16:05
Speaker 2: soul searching and digging and looking at myself from the
16:08
Speaker 2: inside out for real. Like girl, no, because I know
16:12
Speaker 2: you say you love you, but that right there doesn't
16:15
Speaker 2: look like you love you. So loving me, I think
16:21
Speaker 2: inevitably is why. Because I love God, yes, first and
16:26
Speaker 2: foremost kids, yes, but loving me for real, for real,
16:29
Speaker 2: Now there's things that I won't tolerate, not even for myself.
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Speaker 1: Absolutely, And to overcome anything in life, I think that
16:39
Speaker 1: that self love has to overshadow anything else but the
16:42
Speaker 1: love of God, your love for God, because you the
16:47
Speaker 1: way that we treat ourselves, it's a catalyst. So how
16:52
Speaker 1: we allow other things and people to treat us, or
16:56
Speaker 1: make us treat ourselves when it comes to like over
16:59
Speaker 1: in indulgent places and things come on because what we
17:06
Speaker 1: ingest can sometimes be detrimental. So the thing that God
17:10
Speaker 1: has for.
17:10
Speaker 2: Us, exactly, yeah, exactly, that is what we begin to
17:15
Speaker 2: spew out, is what we begin to few out, the
17:18
Speaker 2: very very things that we are putting in, we're gonna
17:20
Speaker 2: put it out eventually and inevitably, and so to make
17:24
Speaker 2: sure for myself moving along, clarity, clarity.
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Speaker 3: I don't know how many.
17:33
Speaker 2: Exclamation points I could put behind clarity. When you're clear
17:38
Speaker 2: on some things, life gets real bright, no matter how
17:43
Speaker 2: hard it is, Life gets real bright for you because
17:46
Speaker 2: you're putting things in their proper places, people, places, and things,
17:50
Speaker 2: and you're not settling.
17:52
Speaker 3: For the mediocre crumbs.
17:54
Speaker 2: Not even you know what I'm saying, Not even the
17:56
Speaker 2: crumbs are the best, but the mediocre crumbs.
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Speaker 3: You're no longer settling for those things.
18:01
Speaker 2: And so if you don't invite me, I don't care
18:03
Speaker 2: if you don't call me, I stay away. I'm not
18:05
Speaker 2: searching for answers anymore. I'm not trying to figure it
18:09
Speaker 2: out anymore. I'm content right here in this vessel because
18:13
Speaker 2: I used to couldn't do that right, you know.
18:17
Speaker 3: So clarity gives you strengths and the courage to do that.
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Speaker 1: Absolutely. It is so amazing that you talk about clarity,
18:25
Speaker 1: because I did a podcast episode that came out before
18:29
Speaker 1: your episode airs, and the guy shout out to Jermaine Eve.
18:33
Speaker 1: He said, clarity is love and practical form woo. And
18:39
Speaker 1: I asked him to expound on that, so you guys
18:42
Speaker 1: go back and listen to his episode because it would
18:45
Speaker 1: be out by the time this one airs. But he
18:48
Speaker 1: said that, and it gave me chills because I've heard
18:53
Speaker 1: different ways to describe love or love described in different things,
18:58
Speaker 1: but him saying that clarity is love in a practical
19:04
Speaker 1: form with a different level of love should be an action.
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Speaker 3: M That's powerful.
19:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is powerful. He was amazing, and so are you.
19:17
Speaker 1: So we're gonna go into the reality check because growth
19:22
Speaker 1: sounds good, but truth behind it is never comfortable. No, right,
19:31
Speaker 1: So what's an uncomfortable truth people need to hear about
19:35
Speaker 1: personal growth?
19:38
Speaker 3: Healing?
19:40
Speaker 2: Can I go into healing or personal growth? I feel
19:42
Speaker 2: like healing is personal growth. I feel like people need
19:46
Speaker 2: to understand how murky that is, how healing is a
19:50
Speaker 2: filthy that's his job. It's not something that I feel like, Oh,
19:54
Speaker 2: I'm healing on this and butterflies and all this other stuff.
19:57
Speaker 2: Healing is getting down to the gutt roop. You gotta
20:01
Speaker 2: get real dirty and filthy to clean yourself up. Sometimes
20:05
Speaker 2: sometimes when you want things to look better, you have
20:07
Speaker 2: to do the things that you don't want to do.
20:11
Speaker 2: Yep A, seeing yourself is one of those things. I
20:14
Speaker 2: love you, Mike, Queen, have a beautiful day.
20:17
Speaker 3: It's facing yourself.
20:20
Speaker 2: And being real with you and smelling yourself, you know,
20:25
Speaker 2: being real with you before others get to tell you.
20:28
Speaker 2: You need to get real with you enough so that
20:31
Speaker 2: don't nobody have to tell you. And not that you're
20:33
Speaker 2: better than anyone to be told, because sometimes you may
20:36
Speaker 2: have to be told, But if you're doing the real work,
20:41
Speaker 2: then you're trying to get down to the murk and
20:44
Speaker 2: to the real things so that you can see the
20:46
Speaker 2: diamond you got the clean at You can't just think
20:48
Speaker 2: it's gonna be diamonds and just that's that. There's a
20:51
Speaker 2: process for all this stuff that we want. And so
20:54
Speaker 2: I feel like if I were to keep it real,
20:56
Speaker 2: you got to keep it real with self. You got
20:58
Speaker 2: to tell yourself the things that you're afraid to say,
21:01
Speaker 2: face those fears and those truths about you that you
21:06
Speaker 2: don't want to you don't want to.
21:07
Speaker 3: Really deal with.
21:08
Speaker 2: You, better go ahead and do that, because that's when
21:10
Speaker 2: I feel healing really begins.
21:14
Speaker 1: Absolutely true, it absolutely does, because like you said, it's
21:19
Speaker 1: not gonna be clean. It's not a clean, but it's
21:22
Speaker 1: a process. You have to go through the process. And
21:25
Speaker 1: self awareness and accountability are the first two steps of
21:29
Speaker 1: healing in my opinion, because I've done that, had to
21:33
Speaker 1: crawl from darkness, and I just I'm at a place
21:37
Speaker 1: where if my boundaries are broken, then I cannot be
21:42
Speaker 1: in your life and you cannot be in mind, because
21:44
Speaker 1: I have fought so hard to get away from those
21:48
Speaker 1: triggers that can sometimes destroy your life. Yeah, subconsciously, because
21:55
Speaker 1: you think you'll let go of stuff until something's true.
21:58
Speaker 1: Then it's like, oh no, we kept that in the
22:00
Speaker 1: back of your mind so that you can realize that, yeah,
22:04
Speaker 1: you have stuff going on.
22:06
Speaker 2: It's still some things to do, and I think that's
22:09
Speaker 2: just normal.
22:09
Speaker 3: Though I think I mean biblically.
22:11
Speaker 2: I think it says to I don't want I'm paraphrasing,
22:14
Speaker 2: but to put it before you. Sometimes some things have
22:17
Speaker 2: to be they're gone. Yeah, we're working on things, but
22:20
Speaker 2: I think some things are there for the humility's sake,
22:22
Speaker 2: so that we could always walk in humility, not with
22:24
Speaker 2: our heads down, but with the level of understanding for
22:27
Speaker 2: other people. You know, we have to have that. That's
22:30
Speaker 2: the thing that tempers us, you know, because if we
22:33
Speaker 2: forget to go through, if we forget those dark holes
22:35
Speaker 2: that we've been in, we can begin to get hot, haughty,
22:39
Speaker 2: and high minded and snobby. I never want to do that.
22:42
Speaker 2: I want to be an open book for some you know,
22:46
Speaker 2: for not everybody, because everybody can't handle your truth, right,
22:50
Speaker 2: but for some people, you know, those that I'm led
22:52
Speaker 2: to to really show them that it can get dark,
22:55
Speaker 2: but there's also light at the end of that tunnel
22:57
Speaker 2: for real, and we have to remember where we've been
23:00
Speaker 2: in order to help other people go through and get
23:03
Speaker 2: through exactly.
23:05
Speaker 1: And sometimes people say it don't take all that, but
23:07
Speaker 1: sometimes it does.
23:09
Speaker 3: Because they ain't been through nothing. I'm sorry, it ain't
23:13
Speaker 3: been through nothing.
23:13
Speaker 2: If you if it don't take all ever you got,
23:15
Speaker 2: bravo and God bless you.
23:18
Speaker 1: And there you have it, okay, like to each his own,
23:21
Speaker 1: you know, somebody, some of us need God. And our
23:24
Speaker 1: stories are messy. And if you have never had a
23:27
Speaker 1: situation that made you uncomfortable or you have to get messy,
23:32
Speaker 1: God bless you. So I hope you don't have to
23:36
Speaker 1: go through it, but keep living period, all right, So
23:43
Speaker 1: what one hard lesson that shaped who you are today.
23:52
Speaker 3: One hard lesson I just feel for me, I guess
24:05
Speaker 3: being when you're cold, I guess you always want to
24:09
Speaker 3: fit in.
24:11
Speaker 2: And never really having fit in, and always trying to
24:19
Speaker 2: push myself in.
24:21
Speaker 3: I think the lesson that I've learned is to be
24:25
Speaker 3: okay with that.
24:28
Speaker 2: And to stop fighting that because that hurts more, you know,
24:35
Speaker 2: like accept it, like to accept those things that are
24:40
Speaker 2: your protection and stop trying to force yourself into things
24:44
Speaker 2: that God is protecting you from you're not supposed to.
24:47
Speaker 3: And I know that's a hard pill.
24:48
Speaker 2: To swallow, but I dound it, you know, because every
24:52
Speaker 2: one of us is not here for certain things, and
24:55
Speaker 2: those are lessons that I feel like are on a
24:58
Speaker 2: constant for me. I have to continuously foreseed myself and
25:04
Speaker 2: for seed it and and sort of, you know, like
25:06
Speaker 2: I said, down it because I am here from my
25:10
Speaker 2: own thing that I have to understand that I have
25:13
Speaker 2: to stay in my place and stop trying so hard
25:16
Speaker 2: to be a part of everything that God doesn't want
25:18
Speaker 2: me to be a part of.
25:20
Speaker 3: So I hope that answer it answers it for you.
25:22
Speaker 2: But that's a hard lesson that that's been my whole life,
25:25
Speaker 2: just trying so hard to be a part of things
25:28
Speaker 2: that God is like.
25:29
Speaker 4: Nah, that was that was a great That was a
25:34
Speaker 4: great answer because that was a great revelation because I
25:38
Speaker 4: too have found myself trying to fit in with people,
25:41
Speaker 4: places and things that I know.
25:44
Speaker 1: That didn't mean me any good. Yes, and so now
25:48
Speaker 1: I don't care. It's to the point where I am
25:51
Speaker 1: walking in my truth of who God created me to be.
25:56
Speaker 1: If it offends you in any way, that's on you,
25:58
Speaker 1: not me, because I with integrity and walking in humility
26:02
Speaker 1: and love. That's really on you.
26:07
Speaker 2: And that's I think that's the whole point of the
26:09
Speaker 2: set of partners that we're fighting over.
26:12
Speaker 3: I fought and maybe you fought to at some point.
26:15
Speaker 3: You know, I feel like God's thing is bigger than
26:19
Speaker 3: what I want, and it's crazy. It's like God, I know,
26:22
Speaker 3: if I was so gud eral.
26:23
Speaker 5: I don't know, if I was obedial and trivial, I
26:25
Speaker 5: didn't know how, you know, subpart I really was in
26:29
Speaker 5: my thinking because it's like having to grow up and
26:32
Speaker 5: see that God is just protecting me or showing me
26:35
Speaker 5: my worth through some things because I've never and not
26:39
Speaker 5: to put any groups down I'm not putting anything that
26:41
Speaker 5: I couldn't fit in down.
26:43
Speaker 3: That's not what I'm trying to do here.
26:44
Speaker 2: But God has my own thing somewhere and he's just
26:48
Speaker 2: trying to perfect and refine and you know, and it
26:52
Speaker 2: takes time for the things that he's trying to do.
26:54
Speaker 3: And I've interrupted him on myriad of tribes.
26:57
Speaker 2: So I just I'm at the place of and gratitude
27:02
Speaker 2: and not trying to force anything.
27:05
Speaker 3: I'm just going with the flow.
27:09
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I totally understand and I agree because sometimes I mean,
27:15
Speaker 1: I tell this all the time. Not all water flows
27:19
Speaker 1: to the ocean. They have a pund or a lake
27:22
Speaker 1: or a handmade whatever, it's still flowing. Just sometimes you
27:29
Speaker 1: can't get to your ocean because you get tripped up
27:32
Speaker 1: by that lake. Come on, so you will find your ocean.
27:37
Speaker 1: Your ocean is the tribal people that are supposed to
27:40
Speaker 1: flow with you through life, love, mindset, all of the
27:44
Speaker 1: ups and downs. They're hard to find, but God would
27:47
Speaker 1: place them where they need to be in your life.
27:50
Speaker 3: And so I've found Amen, Man, I believe that.
27:55
Speaker 1: Yeah. So what is one reality people need to understand
27:58
Speaker 1: about love and relationships? Loving like male and female or
28:04
Speaker 1: love any type of love and relationships, however you want
28:07
Speaker 1: to break it down or speak on it and all relationships.
28:11
Speaker 3: I feel like we have to be.
28:16
Speaker 2: Selfless and self aware, but as well as holding space
28:22
Speaker 2: for self too. So I feel like we just have
28:25
Speaker 2: to be mindful of everybody. I feel like, be mindful
28:30
Speaker 2: of everybody without losing sight of self, you know, because
28:33
Speaker 2: in order to flow together and grow together, there has
28:36
Speaker 2: to be a level of compromise, but not compromising to
28:39
Speaker 2: the point of losing self. Like you want to be
28:42
Speaker 2: a part of a friend group, make sure that friend
28:44
Speaker 2: group has your best interests at heart as well, because.
28:49
Speaker 3: You have their best interests.
28:50
Speaker 2: So not trying so hard to be a part of
28:53
Speaker 2: things where there's no growth for you at all. So
28:57
Speaker 2: for me, if I'm going to be in anything friends, family, relationship,
29:02
Speaker 2: it has to be something that I honestly believe will
29:06
Speaker 2: grow me and not trying.
29:08
Speaker 3: To be you know, like, oh well if it is this,
29:10
Speaker 3: that and the third.
29:11
Speaker 2: No, time is something that we cannot get back. So
29:18
Speaker 2: I don't have the luxury of time to play around
29:22
Speaker 2: with my life or time. So anything that I gravitate
29:26
Speaker 2: towards is gravitating towards me. I'm not forcing myself to
29:29
Speaker 2: sit at tables, forcing myself to re reopen.
29:34
Speaker 3: Relationships with people. I am content.
29:37
Speaker 2: So if you're going to be in a relationship, love, family, friends, whatever,
29:41
Speaker 2: make sure that it is beneficial to everybody. Yeah, everybody,
29:46
Speaker 2: If that makes.
29:47
Speaker 1: Sense, Absolutely, absolutely, because I don't force anything, and I
29:51
Speaker 1: feel like if you're forcing anything, then it's not suppose,
29:54
Speaker 1: it's not genuine.
29:56
Speaker 3: It's not just to be there.
29:57
Speaker 1: If you ever force your shoe into a small uh
30:01
Speaker 1: huh and your feet hurt all day, because then that's
30:04
Speaker 1: not the right size, So get out of that. Stop. Yes, absolutely,
30:09
Speaker 1: you don't chase me its rack exactly because if you're
30:13
Speaker 1: chasing its running away from you. I love it again
30:22
Speaker 1: the action step segment, because the mindset without action does
30:26
Speaker 1: not create change. Right, What is one action someone can
30:32
Speaker 1: take today to shift their mindset?
30:37
Speaker 3: Be honest?
30:38
Speaker 1: M hmm.
30:40
Speaker 3: It's simple, like, be honest.
30:43
Speaker 2: It's not the end of the world, I think again,
30:45
Speaker 2: going back to just confronting yourself forgiving yourself taking that chance.
30:53
Speaker 2: Stop second guessing and doubting yourself. Take that chance on
30:57
Speaker 2: you because you've taken it on everything and everybody else
31:00
Speaker 2: bet on you today, today's your day.
31:04
Speaker 1: On you to day. Come on now, I gotta write
31:09
Speaker 1: that down.
31:10
Speaker 2: Bet on you today. And I really believe that's the difference.
31:13
Speaker 2: And I think that's when we start moving around the
31:16
Speaker 2: world differently too, when we start betting on ourselves. Because
31:20
Speaker 2: when I wasn't looking at myself in a certain way,
31:25
Speaker 2: and I was forcing this and forcing that, chasing this
31:28
Speaker 2: and chasing that, I was self deprecating. M you know,
31:33
Speaker 2: I was taking the value of self down. I was
31:38
Speaker 2: doing that because what diamond chases after anybody. What star
31:44
Speaker 2: is asking for permission to shine, It's just shining.
31:48
Speaker 3: It just sits there and does this job. The sun
31:50
Speaker 3: is not saying, hey, hey, moon please. The moon knows
31:53
Speaker 3: when and when to come out. It's the sun time.
31:56
Speaker 2: You don't seed the mood, and when it do come
31:58
Speaker 2: out together, it's the whole bay.
32:01
Speaker 3: Okay, listen. So what I'm saying in essence is you
32:06
Speaker 3: don't need permission to bet on you.
32:09
Speaker 2: You don't need no permission to take that chance on yourself.
32:13
Speaker 2: And forgiving yourself that's the biggest risk and the biggest
32:17
Speaker 2: chance to take.
32:18
Speaker 1: Honey, Yes, Because I feel like if you forgive yourself,
32:23
Speaker 1: you open yourself up to endless possibilities of what God
32:27
Speaker 1: has for you, like, give your permission, give yourself permission
32:32
Speaker 1: to accept what God has for you for real, and
32:39
Speaker 1: anybody that stays in the way or tries to get
32:43
Speaker 1: in the way of what God has for you, those
32:44
Speaker 1: are not your people.
32:46
Speaker 2: Period periods a period and one one thing I'd like
32:50
Speaker 2: to add to that is this, because I feel like
32:53
Speaker 2: the reality is when you are chasing after things, you're
33:00
Speaker 2: not really trying to see what God has. It's like,
33:03
Speaker 2: there's this I don't know if you've seen this meaning before,
33:06
Speaker 2: but God has this big teddy bear in the back
33:10
Speaker 2: of his hand, and then you got this raggedy one
33:12
Speaker 2: in your hand and you love it with all your life.
33:14
Speaker 3: That's the familiarity.
33:16
Speaker 2: That's the not wanting to change, that's the you know,
33:19
Speaker 2: but I have whatever, I'm.
33:20
Speaker 3: Gonna take these prumbs. At least I have a man.
33:23
Speaker 3: At least I have a man.
33:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, he whooping on you, but you got a man, okay,
33:26
Speaker 2: and he eating your okay, he eating your stuff, and
33:29
Speaker 2: he's not taking care of you, Okay.
33:31
Speaker 3: You're settling for what God has for you.
33:34
Speaker 2: Because you don't believe that you're worthy enough That's what
33:40
Speaker 2: I mean.
33:40
Speaker 3: Take that chance.
33:41
Speaker 2: Forgive yourself for all the riff rap. Forgive yourself for
33:44
Speaker 2: all the things that you did do because we done
33:45
Speaker 2: did some stuff. I know I done did some things.
33:49
Speaker 2: And if I'm saying alcohol, just understand with alcohol, people
33:53
Speaker 2: don't want to talk about everything that comes with things,
33:55
Speaker 2: but it opens up the door to so many other things.
33:58
Speaker 3: So if I've done alcohol, I've done a lot of things.
34:01
Speaker 3: I ain't got to go into them.
34:02
Speaker 2: For you to you see what I'm saying. But forgive
34:06
Speaker 2: yourself for all those things. You're still worthy. God sent
34:10
Speaker 2: you for a purpose. There's more for you than you
34:13
Speaker 2: can even imagine. So stop robbing you of the life
34:17
Speaker 2: that you so dearly want.
34:19
Speaker 3: But you're in the way of worry.
34:21
Speaker 1: Stop doubting God, man, stop doubting God. Yes you are
34:25
Speaker 1: worthy of greatness that is inside of you. So stop
34:29
Speaker 1: self sabotaging because that's what it is. Okay, absolutely, absolutely, Okay.
34:42
Speaker 1: What is one habit that helps you stay aligned in life?
34:47
Speaker 1: What is something that you do I.
34:49
Speaker 2: Count I'm to give it one hundred queen. My book
34:51
Speaker 2: is called Give It one hundred My Weight Loss Journey.
34:54
Speaker 2: In a hundred words, you can find it on Amazon
34:56
Speaker 2: and shameful plug.
34:58
Speaker 1: I'm going that's coming up next.
35:03
Speaker 2: Go ahead.
35:07
Speaker 3: But you know I count everything.
35:09
Speaker 2: I count like because patience is where God deals with
35:13
Speaker 2: me at So everything is counting for me. I count
35:16
Speaker 2: today's four hundred and seventy. I'm gonna count as much
35:17
Speaker 2: as I can to whatever number I can. But it's
35:20
Speaker 2: to show me that so long as God keeps bringing
35:23
Speaker 2: me here another day, I'm gonna get where I'm going.
35:26
Speaker 3: We don't have to rush the process.
35:28
Speaker 2: Embrace the process, enjoy the process because there's so much
35:32
Speaker 2: to glean and to learn and per her venture or
35:35
Speaker 2: perhaps the reason you're not there yet is because you're
35:38
Speaker 2: not embracing you're.
35:39
Speaker 3: Not learning anything. You're just complaining and whining.
35:42
Speaker 2: I don't have this, I don't have that because you're
35:44
Speaker 2: not getting the raw material that you need to have
35:48
Speaker 2: that and keep that. Not just you want that, but
35:51
Speaker 2: how are you gonna keep that? How are you gonna
35:52
Speaker 2: maintain that? You don't have that because you don't have
35:55
Speaker 2: what it takes at this time. You'll get what it takes.
35:57
Speaker 2: The process will bring those things out of you. So
36:01
Speaker 2: embrace the process so that you can get to the
36:04
Speaker 2: thing that you want, So I count.
36:06
Speaker 3: Everything is account with me. I'm counting. I don't care.
36:09
Speaker 2: Okay, well you said ninety days. Okay, day one. If
36:13
Speaker 2: you got to start over again, day two. Get it together,
36:17
Speaker 2: one day at a.
36:18
Speaker 1: Time, one day at a time. I love that. I
36:21
Speaker 1: love that that. Hey, and it's working, you know, because
36:27
Speaker 1: it keeps us. I think it keeps us grounded. Yes, yes,
36:31
Speaker 1: all right. What's one thing someone can start doing today
36:35
Speaker 1: to help build healthier relationships, our deeper self love.
36:41
Speaker 3: I think you know this beautiful queen she passed away.
36:46
Speaker 2: I met her when I was young. Maybe I would think,
36:49
Speaker 2: I'm twenty one years old and we're at my old
36:51
Speaker 2: church and she was a prophetess and she would always
36:54
Speaker 2: come and talk to the women and she would tell us.
36:56
Speaker 3: She would say, you know what I want you to do.
36:58
Speaker 3: I don't know if this is okay.
36:59
Speaker 2: To say, but you know, be in your birthday suit
37:03
Speaker 2: or be naked, look at yourself in the mirror and
37:06
Speaker 2: affirm you you know. I know that's probably too much
37:10
Speaker 2: information or just maybe just a little bit too much
37:13
Speaker 2: for this, but to take time to acknowledge you looks
37:16
Speaker 2: at yourself in the mirror, every crinkle, every wrinkle, everything
37:20
Speaker 2: that you don't like or whatever. Look at you and
37:23
Speaker 2: see the miracle. See the miracle of you and what
37:27
Speaker 2: God to time to mold and thank him. And as
37:30
Speaker 2: you do that, thank him because he made no mistakes.
37:33
Speaker 2: I don't care what it looked like to everyone else.
37:36
Speaker 2: He knows you in and out, through and through, and
37:39
Speaker 2: so when he designed you perfectly in his image and
37:42
Speaker 2: hid his likeness, he made not one mistake. So take
37:46
Speaker 2: that time and look at yourself in the mirror.
37:51
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I love that, I love that, I do that.
37:53
Speaker 1: I do. The mirror tis with clients too. They have
37:55
Speaker 1: to say for the first five to seven days in
37:58
Speaker 1: the program, you have to stay in the mirror and
38:01
Speaker 1: acknowledge the things that you love or dislike about yourself
38:05
Speaker 1: so that we can work write them down so we
38:07
Speaker 1: can work through it, and not not everybody can do that.
38:12
Speaker 1: So the fact that you are saying that that is
38:14
Speaker 1: something that I challenge anybody that's listening to do. Start
38:17
Speaker 1: today standing in about five to ten minutes. You have
38:21
Speaker 1: to stand that long three to five minutes, Yes, and
38:24
Speaker 1: admire you, love on you. We ain't talking about the
38:28
Speaker 1: things that we don't like about each other, like ourselves
38:30
Speaker 1: because we can always find the flaws somebody else seems
38:34
Speaker 1: sees as beautiful. Yep, So love on you starting today.
38:39
Speaker 3: Yes to day.
38:41
Speaker 1: Tell I love it, I love it.
38:42
Speaker 3: I love it, I love it.
38:43
Speaker 1: I love it.
38:44
Speaker 3: Doing the plug.
38:46
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Tell the people where they can get this
38:47
Speaker 1: book yet again. Talk about the book, the name of
38:49
Speaker 1: the book, how they follow you on social media and
38:52
Speaker 1: all the things.
38:54
Speaker 2: Okay, so I go by agus see friends for all one.
38:57
Speaker 2: A lot of people know me as Queen the Variety.
39:00
Speaker 2: The book is on Amazon. The name of the book
39:02
Speaker 2: is give It one hundred My Weight Loss Journey in
39:05
Speaker 2: one hundred words. I'm writing my little poetry book.
39:08
Speaker 1: Now.
39:08
Speaker 3: We'll let me change that. I'm writing my big.
39:10
Speaker 2: Poetry so right while being poetry book now, so you'll
39:17
Speaker 2: see that soon. And just keep on keeping on, keep beaming,
39:22
Speaker 2: keep soaring, keep shining. You're never too far removed from
39:26
Speaker 2: God's love.
39:27
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I love that. So we're going into the mic
39:30
Speaker 1: drop moment. I'm going to ask you a couple of
39:34
Speaker 1: questions and you just say the first thing that comes
39:36
Speaker 1: to mind. Okay. We want to leave the people with
39:38
Speaker 1: something that will make them say, h are take the
39:44
Speaker 1: invisible mic and drop it right. Okay, what is one
39:49
Speaker 1: sentus about life? You want people to remember.
39:55
Speaker 3: This is a beautiful, beautiful ride. It's a beautiful ride.
40:01
Speaker 3: Enjoy it. It's beautiful.
40:04
Speaker 2: But even with all the bumps in the road, now
40:07
Speaker 2: it's a beautiful ride.
40:09
Speaker 1: Life is a beautiful ride. I love that. What is
40:13
Speaker 1: one truth about love? Everyone should understand.
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Speaker 2: It's God given, its God given, and you wait for
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Speaker 2: the real one, honey, it's God given.
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Speaker 3: Give it.
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Speaker 1: I love that what mindset belief can change someone's life?
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Speaker 3: Self? Believe in self and it's it's contagious.
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Speaker 1: Absolutely final question. When life challenges you and love stretches you,
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Speaker 1: what mindset keeps you grounded?
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Speaker 3: I'm here for a purpose. God makes no mistakes.
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Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. Thank you guys for
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Speaker 1: tuning in to this episode. Thank you so much for
41:05
Speaker 1: being here. This has been amazing.
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Speaker 2: Uh.
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Speaker 1: If this conversation spoke to you in any way, make
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Speaker 1: sure you follow, share, subscribe. Remember that your story has power,
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Speaker 1: your voice has purpose, and your mindset can change everything.
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Speaker 1: Keep growing, keep loving, keep your mindset strong, but first
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Speaker 1: and foremost, keep showing up for you no matter what,
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Speaker 1: and God will see the rest through for you. Just
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Speaker 1: believe and stop trying to help him out. He does
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Speaker 1: not need your help, so stop it, all right, guys,
41:39
Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Kicking
41:41
Speaker 1: It Wikiki, Life, Love and Mindset. I am back with
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Speaker 1: a new episode every Thursday on all major podcasts three
41:47
Speaker 1: many platforms, and you can also watch the episode on
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Speaker 1: my YouTube channel, Kicking It with Kiki Media. Thank you
41:54
Speaker 1: guys again. Purple Hug Lady