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Why Cooperation Trumps Competition Every Time · Raising Daughters

0:14
Speaker 1: Hello friends, Doctor Tim Jordan back here with you with
0:18
Speaker 1: a brand new topic of a brand new podcast. I
0:23
Speaker 1: think you're gonna find interesting today. I've been struck by
0:28
Speaker 1: how much negativity there is in the news. That is
0:31
Speaker 1: not a new story, but lately there's been so much
0:37
Speaker 1: violence and anger, you know, the war in Ukraine with
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Speaker 1: Russia and Israel and Lebanon and the US and Iran.
0:46
Speaker 1: It just goes on and on and on. I was
0:50
Speaker 1: I was remembering a quote from from Harry Potter. This
0:55
Speaker 1: is a quote from Professor Doubledore. He said in one
0:58
Speaker 1: of those movies that happiness can be found even in
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Speaker 1: the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn
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Speaker 1: on the light. And I would add the light of awareness.
1:11
Speaker 1: So I would like to add a little bit of
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Speaker 1: awareness today about our nature, because if you look at
1:16
Speaker 1: the news and listen to the news and read the news,
1:19
Speaker 1: you'd think our nature is violence, our nature is competition,
1:24
Speaker 1: anger fighting. Let me give you an example. Sometimes in
1:30
Speaker 1: our retreats and in our summer camps, so we'll do
1:32
Speaker 1: an exercise with kids. I've also done this actually with
1:36
Speaker 1: a lot of adult groups as well, with teacher staffs,
1:38
Speaker 1: et cetera. And we'll ask everybody to pick a partner
1:42
Speaker 1: and we have them get down the floor and then
1:46
Speaker 1: put their elbows up and then they lock hands with
1:50
Speaker 1: their partner with their elbows touching, and then we tell
1:54
Speaker 1: them every time you get your partner's hand to touch
1:58
Speaker 1: the ground, you get an Every time they touch your
2:02
Speaker 1: hand to the ground, they win eminem. And we're gonna
2:05
Speaker 1: give you thirty seconds to see who can win the
2:07
Speaker 1: most eminems. Ready, set go, and then people lock hands
2:13
Speaker 1: and then they they struggle, right, it's like an arm
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Speaker 1: wrestling thing, and they're going, they're grunting and they're laughing
2:20
Speaker 1: and everything. And then then after thirty seconds, we say
2:22
Speaker 1: stop and we go around the room. We'll say how
2:24
Speaker 1: many eminems did you win? And typically if there's scores
2:27
Speaker 1: like six zero, ten to one, even if it's like
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Speaker 1: four to four, there's a lot of like kind of
2:35
Speaker 1: laughing but like whatever. Oftentimes, also too, there's a few
2:39
Speaker 1: people were it's zero zero and we asked them how
2:42
Speaker 1: it felt, you know, to do this, and they're like,
2:44
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's kind of fun. And we'll say let's
2:48
Speaker 1: do it again, but we're going to shift the intention
2:51
Speaker 1: this time, because that time it looked like you guys
2:55
Speaker 1: went right into competition. It has a certain feel to it,
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Speaker 1: a certain end result. And then I show them, or
3:05
Speaker 1: I asked them the question, how could each of you
3:08
Speaker 1: have won ten or fifteen m and ms? And they
3:13
Speaker 1: always look quizzical, and especially kid groups, like what I said,
3:17
Speaker 1: how could you each have won ten? And then usually
3:20
Speaker 1: at least one person says well, and then they show
3:23
Speaker 1: that they could have just went one, one, two, two, three, three, four, four, five, five,
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Speaker 1: and they would have cooperated so that both of them
3:30
Speaker 1: were working together to earn as many m and ms
3:32
Speaker 1: as they could. Then they all laugh, go oh, and
3:36
Speaker 1: I'll say, why didn't you think of that? And because
3:39
Speaker 1: they went right to competition. I don't think competition is
3:44
Speaker 1: bad or wrong, but there's a different feel to it,
3:48
Speaker 1: there's a different intention to it. I think it's really
3:52
Speaker 1: interesting that in our culture today, especially especially in the US.
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Speaker 1: I think I think our go to now is that
4:00
Speaker 1: more competitive thing versus cooperation. And I think if you
4:07
Speaker 1: look around the world, the humanity is taying to single
4:10
Speaker 1: out things like war and violence as examples of boldness
4:16
Speaker 1: and courage, things to memorialize. That's what we tend to
4:20
Speaker 1: focus on this culture. Courage and boldness and strength become
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Speaker 1: associated with a willingness to fight and die, to put
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Speaker 1: your life on the line for your country, for your ethnicity.
4:33
Speaker 1: But what we don't hear very much about in the
4:38
Speaker 1: news is the names of people who did different kinds
4:41
Speaker 1: of things, like people who invent the washing machine, Thomas
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Speaker 1: Edison and electricity, people who are developing new antibiotics, the
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Speaker 1: women who are responsible for fighting for the women's right
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Speaker 1: to vote. How many of you realized that I'll miss
5:00
Speaker 1: Edison when he was working on getting a better filment
5:04
Speaker 1: for his light bulbs, that he and his team tested
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Speaker 1: over six thousand different materials for the incandescent light bulb
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Speaker 1: filment before they settle on carbonized bamboo in eighteen eighty.
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Speaker 1: That's a lot of persistence, a lot of perseverance, a
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Speaker 1: lot of courage and dedication. We don't hear those examples
5:24
Speaker 1: very often. We hear about generals, we hear about soldiers.
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Speaker 1: There's so many words and metaphors that are derived from
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Speaker 1: wars that we throw around in our culture. A lot,
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Speaker 1: things like having a war on drugs and a war
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Speaker 1: on crime. We tell people who are entering our company,
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Speaker 1: that they're joining their ranks. We got to take it
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Speaker 1: to the mat. We describe people as being straight shooters,
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Speaker 1: or somebody who's caught in the middle of things is
5:53
Speaker 1: caught in the crossfire. A woman's beauty is described as
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Speaker 1: being a bombshell or a knockout. We describe powerful people
6:02
Speaker 1: as being a heavy hitter. If a plan fails as
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Speaker 1: a dud. People at work are in the trenches. Best
6:11
Speaker 1: arguments are ones, heavy artillery, Bring your arsenal, take no quarter.
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Speaker 1: All is fair in love and war. People sometimes get blindsided.
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Speaker 1: Don't jump the gun, hit the mark. This company looks
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Speaker 1: like a sinking ship. We call an argument a battle,
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Speaker 1: and cooperation a truce or a ceasefire. So many words
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Speaker 1: in our vernacular having to do with violence and competition
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Speaker 1: and war. Who chose violent conflict as the one human
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Speaker 1: activity to kind of laud over all the others. It's
6:49
Speaker 1: interesting I read someplace recently that that the first twenty
6:55
Speaker 1: nine sculptures that were placed in Central Park in New York,
6:59
Speaker 1: not one of them was a women, until finally the
7:02
Speaker 1: New York City Public Design Commission approved a statue of
7:06
Speaker 1: honoring Susan B. Anthony a woman who was a big
7:10
Speaker 1: part of the movement for women's right to vote. We
7:15
Speaker 1: ignore women, women leaders a lot. We don't notice them
7:19
Speaker 1: as much, we don't talk about them as much. I
7:24
Speaker 1: know that when men are stressed, a lot of times
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Speaker 1: we go right to our fight or flight reactions. Women,
7:34
Speaker 1: on the other hand, when they're stressed, oftentimes go into
7:38
Speaker 1: something that's called tend and befriend. Women oftentimes come together
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Speaker 1: to cooperate, to support each other way more so than
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Speaker 1: men do, seeking solutions to problems through communication instead of
7:54
Speaker 1: instead of trying to dominate the other person. I read
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Speaker 1: someplace which is fastin that most of history has been
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Speaker 1: written by men. I think we would all agree with that.
8:05
Speaker 1: But way back in the day caveman cave woman days,
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Speaker 1: prehistoric women did most of the drawings in caves, and
8:13
Speaker 1: there's not one depiction, there's not one drawing of war
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Speaker 1: inside those caves. Isn't that interesting? I wonder what what
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Speaker 1: would be like if our country was run by a woman,
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Speaker 1: and not just a woman, but a woman who extolled
8:30
Speaker 1: more of those virtues of cooperation and thoughtfulness and communication
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Speaker 1: and win win negotiation. Robin Williams, the Commedian one time
8:43
Speaker 1: said if women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars,
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Speaker 1: just intense negotiations every twenty eight days. If women ran
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Speaker 1: the world, we'd be talking every day, all day long.
8:55
Speaker 1: That's not my quote, that's Robin Williams. We need to
8:59
Speaker 1: find better examples, better metaphors. I learned recently that when
9:05
Speaker 1: there's a huge storm coming up that cows are in
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Speaker 1: the middle of a pasture, they tend to run away
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Speaker 1: from the storm, and they end up getting caught in
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Speaker 1: the storm longer. Buffalo, on the other hand, if they're
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Speaker 1: in that same pasture, will run right towards a storm
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Speaker 1: and through it, thus spending less time in the storm.
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Speaker 1: And buffalo tend to help each other out. They work together.
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Speaker 1: And I think humans are the same. It's not just
9:33
Speaker 1: I think that. I know that from reading a lot.
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Speaker 1: We are wired to connect, We're wired to cooperate. We
9:40
Speaker 1: just don't We just don't value it as much. In
9:44
Speaker 1: our culture. We don't talk about as much because we're
9:46
Speaker 1: overvaluing aggression and competition. We need to give kids opportunities
9:51
Speaker 1: to experience a difference between competition and cooperation. Let me
9:54
Speaker 1: give you a couple examples of things by doing my
9:57
Speaker 1: retreats with kids, we do a exercise sometimes called ToeJam basketball,
10:05
Speaker 1: which stands for together we win jamboree basketball, and so
10:10
Speaker 1: we have them do something in two ways. We set
10:14
Speaker 1: up a little waistcan about about eight feet away from
10:19
Speaker 1: the shooters, and the kids line up to shoot, and
10:22
Speaker 1: we tell them we're gonna see who can make the
10:24
Speaker 1: most free throws in thirty seconds. And it's just and
10:27
Speaker 1: you seem to know more than about five in a group.
10:30
Speaker 1: So in a classroom there might be five, maybe four
10:33
Speaker 1: or five groups of about five kids, and we give
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Speaker 1: each group three balls, and we tell them, you guys,
10:40
Speaker 1: you know, time each other, and let's see who can
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Speaker 1: win the most free throws in thirty seconds. Righty, set go,
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Speaker 1: That's all we say when we set it up. So
10:49
Speaker 1: the first kid in each group will line up and
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Speaker 1: they start throwing these balls, and the balls are bouncing everywhere,
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Speaker 1: and most groups, most classrooms, the kids kind of watch.
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Speaker 1: Maybe someone will we'll go and chase some balls down,
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Speaker 1: but there isn't a lot of cooperation because we set
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Speaker 1: up as a competition, so everybody gets their turn. Then
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Speaker 1: we go around and say, let's see who won the
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Speaker 1: most and how made you get how many who got
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Speaker 1: the most in this group ends up being someone who
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Speaker 1: got like maybe three or four or five wins. And
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Speaker 1: then we're like, okay, how was that? Okay? How did
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Speaker 1: it feel to do it that way? It was okay.
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Speaker 1: Then we say, let's do it again, but with something changed.
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Speaker 1: We're going to shift the intention from who can make
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Speaker 1: the most who's the best? To how can we best
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Speaker 1: support each other? And we said, if the goal was
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Speaker 1: a group goal, how can our team, how can the
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Speaker 1: class get the most free throws? How can we work
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Speaker 1: together to create that? How might you do it different?
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Speaker 1: And then they brainstorm and they come up with all
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Speaker 1: kinds of ideas like, well, we probably have people you know,
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Speaker 1: standing or sitting by the waistcan rebounding, and then we
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Speaker 1: would roll them back to the shooter, so the shooters
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Speaker 1: just had to stand there and shoot. Some groups even
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Speaker 1: if have some people standing by the shooter to get
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Speaker 1: the balls coming back, and they hand it to them
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Speaker 1: so it's not so chaotic. They also spend a little
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Speaker 1: bit of time being able to tell the group before
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Speaker 1: they shoot, this is how I like to be supported.
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Speaker 1: Some kids want people yelling and cheering and screaming some
12:19
Speaker 1: kids want to quiet. Some kids just want some affirmations,
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Speaker 1: like good shot, you can do it. So once they
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Speaker 1: create all those intentions, we say, okay, same rules. You
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Speaker 1: get three balls thirty seconds each. Go let's see you
12:32
Speaker 1: know what are how you can do as a group.
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Speaker 1: And then what I notice immediately and they notice immediately,
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Speaker 1: is the spirit is totally different. It's more fun. The
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Speaker 1: kids are laughing, they're cheering, and you know, they're still
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Speaker 1: doing the same activity. And when they're all done, we
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Speaker 1: gin altogether, and they always want to know the score,
12:52
Speaker 1: and we'll say, wait a minute, first, tell us how
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Speaker 1: it felt that time to do it different. And what
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Speaker 1: they'll say is it was a lot more fun. I
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Speaker 1: felt support people were helping me out. Last time I
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Speaker 1: got zero. This time I got three. And the first
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Speaker 1: time in the class of maybe let's just say there's
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Speaker 1: twenty or twenty five kids, the first time they have
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Speaker 1: been a total score in the group of maybe thirty
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Speaker 1: or thirty five. And before they start the second time,
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Speaker 1: I forgot to add. We asked them to have a goal,
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Speaker 1: how many think you can make this time? If you
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Speaker 1: work together and your intention is cooperation, they may set
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Speaker 1: a goal of maybe forty or something like that. And
13:30
Speaker 1: then when we add up the scores, not use it.
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Speaker 1: They always blow it away. They'll get like sixty or
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Speaker 1: seventy they get. It's amazing how many more they get.
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Speaker 1: And then you start screaming and they're cheering, and they
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Speaker 1: had a chance to experience the difference between doing something
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Speaker 1: where your goal and your intention is to be the
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Speaker 1: best and to beat other people, and to compete with
13:54
Speaker 1: a different intention of working together making sure everybody in
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Speaker 1: your team is successful, not just you. We tell them
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Speaker 1: when it's your turn, try your best. But what's more
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Speaker 1: important the second time was working together and making sure
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Speaker 1: their teammates were successful. Whole different feeling that they experience,
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Speaker 1: and they don't get a chance to experience that enough quickly.
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Speaker 1: Another exercise we do sometimes in groups is we'll have
14:20
Speaker 1: them in small groups and we have them we call
14:26
Speaker 1: it the mole in the porcupine, and it's an old
14:29
Speaker 1: ASoP stable I believe, but we tell them, actually we
14:32
Speaker 1: have two lines facing each other. One side of the
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Speaker 1: line is the moles, the other side of the porcupines,
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Speaker 1: and they're facing off. We tell them the story that
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Speaker 1: it's winter's coming and they need to prepare for the winter.
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Speaker 1: And so the moles are working hard. They're digging up
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Speaker 1: nuts and they're storing them. They're digging up holes and
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Speaker 1: underground cave if you will, they can live in in
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Speaker 1: the winter when it's cold. They're all working together, working hard,
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Speaker 1: and the porky jumping around like ooh, you know, laughing
15:03
Speaker 1: and saying, you guys are crazy, what are you doing.
15:05
Speaker 1: And then the first snow hits and the first freeze,
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Speaker 1: and the moles go underground and they are warm and
15:10
Speaker 1: they got plenty to eat, and the porcupine is freezing.
15:14
Speaker 1: So he knocks on the door of the porcupine's little
15:17
Speaker 1: underground cap. He says, hey, help me, I'm freezing to death.
15:20
Speaker 1: I need to come in. And then the moles are,
15:24
Speaker 1: you know, faced with should we help them or not,
15:28
Speaker 1: And so eventually they let let the porcupine come in.
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Speaker 1: And what happens is is the porcupine is moving around
15:36
Speaker 1: these little you know, these little tunnels and things, and
15:39
Speaker 1: he keeps bumping into the moles and puncturing their skin.
15:44
Speaker 1: And so they have to decide what they're going to do.
15:47
Speaker 1: And so we have them face off, and then the
15:50
Speaker 1: moles will tell the porcupines one on one, this is
15:53
Speaker 1: how I feel about what's going on, And then the
15:56
Speaker 1: porcupines share how they feel about what's going on. And
16:00
Speaker 1: then we have them brainstorm how could you make a
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Speaker 1: win win so that both of you were happy, And
16:07
Speaker 1: they come up with these really ingenious ideas, like they'll
16:11
Speaker 1: put little wood chips on the end of each of
16:13
Speaker 1: the porcupine quills so they can't stick somebody. One group
16:16
Speaker 1: one time or one pair one time, said we put
16:18
Speaker 1: marshmallows on the tips of all the porcupines quills so
16:22
Speaker 1: that he wouldn't hurt each other. Sometimes they'll say, we'll
16:24
Speaker 1: dig up a separate room for the porcupine so that
16:27
Speaker 1: he doesn't have to go into these little hallways. But
16:30
Speaker 1: they create some nice win win solutions that they wouldn't
16:35
Speaker 1: have thought of earlier if they were in the competitive mode.
16:40
Speaker 1: They need to be able to learn to get in
16:43
Speaker 1: each other's shoes, to see problems from the other person's side,
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Speaker 1: from their point of view. There's no way to create
16:49
Speaker 1: a win win until you do that. They need to
16:52
Speaker 1: learn to solve their problems in their conflicts peacefully, and
16:55
Speaker 1: that's something we don't give them enough practice with we
16:57
Speaker 1: don't give them the skills. So they got a chance
17:02
Speaker 1: to be a mole and then to switch side and
17:04
Speaker 1: then to be a porcupine. They could see it from
17:06
Speaker 1: both sides, from both points of view invaluable as opposed
17:11
Speaker 1: to just ramming your point of view down the other
17:13
Speaker 1: person's throat. So they need some examples, They need some
17:18
Speaker 1: times to practice these skills. Also, I think we need
17:23
Speaker 1: to be much more aware that the words that we
17:26
Speaker 1: use are really important. It tells us a lot about
17:30
Speaker 1: who we are and what we value. Instead of using
17:34
Speaker 1: all those words like working on their front lines and
17:37
Speaker 1: all that stuff I mentioned before, Well instead of someone
17:41
Speaker 1: who works who works in a laboratory, instead of saying
17:43
Speaker 1: they're working on the front lines of medicine, to say
17:46
Speaker 1: instead that they're working in a laboratory cooking up new
17:50
Speaker 1: medicine secure cancer. And it may sound dumb you maybe
17:55
Speaker 1: who cares? I care because those little things are important.
17:59
Speaker 1: What we focus on, the words we use are important.
18:05
Speaker 1: We need to change what we pay attention to, what
18:08
Speaker 1: deeds we're honoring, what deeds that we talk about the most,
18:11
Speaker 1: What names that we know of people because of the
18:15
Speaker 1: things that they've done. When you turn the news today,
18:20
Speaker 1: all you hear is the war in Iran, the war
18:23
Speaker 1: in Israel. You hear about Russia and Ukraine. All you
18:27
Speaker 1: hear about is a fighting between the two political parties
18:29
Speaker 1: in our country. Anger, conflict, no conflict resolution, just shouting
18:36
Speaker 1: and making fun of and disparaging the other side. That's
18:41
Speaker 1: where our kids are seeing and hearing, and we need
18:45
Speaker 1: to show kids and live out different ways of handling
18:48
Speaker 1: conflicts and disagreements than what they're seeing on the news.
18:53
Speaker 1: The adults on the news are failing our children and
18:56
Speaker 1: providing examples of conflict resolution, co operation, et cetera. It's
19:03
Speaker 1: always been important in our in our societies to be seen.
19:07
Speaker 1: It's a basic human need to be seen, to be known.
19:13
Speaker 1: It's got an evolutionary basis. Our early ancestors lived in tribes.
19:18
Speaker 1: People who who focus on cooperation tended to survive more.
19:24
Speaker 1: People who were together in groups and work together in
19:27
Speaker 1: groups survived more, and they passed those genes on to
19:31
Speaker 1: the next generation. The genes that were passed on were
19:34
Speaker 1: those that cared deeply about being a member of a tribe,
19:38
Speaker 1: being part of a group. We became a species that
19:42
Speaker 1: is hardwired to be unhappy if we aren't deeply connected
19:45
Speaker 1: with at least a few other people that's been wired in.
19:51
Speaker 1: Our ancestors knew that being seen equated to being safe,
19:57
Speaker 1: and not being seen meant you were kicked out of
19:59
Speaker 1: the You weren't part of a group, and you died.
20:01
Speaker 1: You didn't survive. If they didn't see you, then you
20:05
Speaker 1: were left alone. You weren't going to survive. So our
20:09
Speaker 1: brains have registered loneliness and being alone as a threat,
20:12
Speaker 1: and it sends off alarms. But longing is the innate
20:16
Speaker 1: human desire to be a part of something larger than us.
20:20
Speaker 1: We're wired to connect, we're wired to cooperate. We want
20:25
Speaker 1: to have close relationships and friendships. People oftentimes point to
20:30
Speaker 1: Charles Darwin and they say, well, yeah, it's about survival
20:34
Speaker 1: of the fittest. That's what he wrote about. And he
20:36
Speaker 1: did write about survival of the fittest. But in his
20:40
Speaker 1: books on evolution he mentioned survival of the fittest two times.
20:45
Speaker 1: He mentions love ninety two times. Let me say that again.
20:52
Speaker 1: We oftentimes pointed Charles Darwin as proof that it's about competition,
20:56
Speaker 1: but in his books on evolution he mentioned survival of
21:00
Speaker 1: the fittest only two times he mentions love ninety two times.
21:05
Speaker 1: Darwin believed through his research that man'sy's central nature was
21:09
Speaker 1: cooperation and not competition. There's been hundreds of studies over
21:15
Speaker 1: the past century that have shown that collaboration and cooperative
21:19
Speaker 1: learning bring out the best in individuals and groups. Cooperation
21:24
Speaker 1: is more critical to our survival than competition and struggle.
21:27
Speaker 1: Humans crave connection, we crave interaction, we crave togetherness. There's
21:34
Speaker 1: another exercise I do sometimes. I saw this. I saw
21:37
Speaker 1: Stephen Covey give a talk one time in Saint Louis
21:40
Speaker 1: in person, and I loved his books, The Seven Habits
21:43
Speaker 1: of How the Affected People of the Eighth Habit. And
21:47
Speaker 1: I think he talks about this exercise in the Eighth
21:49
Speaker 1: Habit book as well. But anyway, so he would call it,
21:53
Speaker 1: and I've done this in groups myself as well. Call
21:55
Speaker 1: somebody up and then you and you say, let's put
21:59
Speaker 1: our arms together here, lockhands, and every time you know,
22:05
Speaker 1: you get the other person's hand to touch the table,
22:08
Speaker 1: and then I also give them a dollar. If they
22:11
Speaker 1: get my hand to touch, they get a dollar. Let's
22:13
Speaker 1: see you can win the most dollars. And thirty seconds, ready,
22:16
Speaker 1: set go and of course, the other person goes into
22:22
Speaker 1: arm wrestling mode and tries to slam my hand to
22:25
Speaker 1: the table like they would try and slam Stephen Covey's
22:27
Speaker 1: hand to the table, and the first time, Covey would
22:31
Speaker 1: would resist for a second and then he would just
22:34
Speaker 1: let go and the other person would look kind of quizzical,
22:37
Speaker 1: I've done this too, and was say, okay, do again, ready,
22:40
Speaker 1: set go, and the other person would like, try really hard,
22:43
Speaker 1: and then you would just let go. Let them touch
22:45
Speaker 1: your hand to tap your hand to the top of
22:47
Speaker 1: the table, and they would do that two or three times,
22:49
Speaker 1: and then they would stop because it wasn't fun when
22:53
Speaker 1: the other person wasn't fighting back. So it wasn't that
22:57
Speaker 1: I gave up. It wasn't that Stephen he gave up.
23:01
Speaker 1: We were winning people over with cooperation and not fighting
23:08
Speaker 1: and wanting to see their side, and that is courage
23:11
Speaker 1: and strength. We don't let our kids see that. We
23:15
Speaker 1: don't talk about that as being strength. So we need
23:20
Speaker 1: to highlight that in news stories. If we ever see
23:23
Speaker 1: a news story a character in a book who uses
23:26
Speaker 1: cooperation as opposed to competition or overpowering people or struggling
23:31
Speaker 1: or fighting or whatever, We need to highlight those people,
23:34
Speaker 1: those situations. There's a great quote by John Steinbeck, the
23:39
Speaker 1: great author, and he said, the things we admire in
23:42
Speaker 1: men kindness, generosity, openness, honesty, understanding, and feelings, those are
23:49
Speaker 1: the concomitants of failure in our system. Those deeds we detest.
23:55
Speaker 1: Things like sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, and self interest. Those
24:02
Speaker 1: are the traits of success in our culture. And while
24:05
Speaker 1: men admire the qualities the first way, they love the
24:08
Speaker 1: produce of the second. We admire too much the traits
24:17
Speaker 1: that we don't want, things like greed, things like success, egotism,
24:25
Speaker 1: self interest. A lot of our leaders are showing those
24:28
Speaker 1: qualities today. We need to point out leaders who show
24:31
Speaker 1: something different. It can be anybody in our kids' lives.
24:36
Speaker 1: It can be a coach, It can be a teacher,
24:39
Speaker 1: It can be a principal, It can be people in
24:41
Speaker 1: the community. We need to change what we see. We
24:45
Speaker 1: need to change what we value. We need to change
24:48
Speaker 1: what we focus on, because what you focus on, you
24:51
Speaker 1: get more of. Nelson Mandel has said one time, may
24:55
Speaker 1: your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. Let me
25:01
Speaker 1: remind you of a quote that I started this podcast
25:04
Speaker 1: with from Professor Dumbledore and Harry Potter. He said, happiness
25:08
Speaker 1: can be found even in the darkest of times if
25:11
Speaker 1: one only remembers to turn on the light, and I
25:14
Speaker 1: always add the light of awareness. Turn on that light
25:17
Speaker 1: for your children. Guide them to see the goodness and people,
25:23
Speaker 1: guide them to see the examples of cooperation and peaceful
25:27
Speaker 1: conflict resolution, things of that sort. Because if we want
25:30
Speaker 1: more of that in our culture, if we want more
25:32
Speaker 1: of that in our homes, if we want more of
25:34
Speaker 1: that in our children, we need to model it and
25:37
Speaker 1: we need to notice it. Cooperation versus competition. Remember about
25:47
Speaker 1: that Survival of the Fittest Thing. Charles Darwin and his
25:51
Speaker 1: writings mentioned it Survival of the Fittest two times. He
25:57
Speaker 1: mentions love ninety two times because he believed that mancy
26:01
Speaker 1: essential nature nature was cooperation and that competition. I believe
26:06
Speaker 1: that too. Let's make sure we teach our children that
26:09
Speaker 1: and live it out. I'll put a couple of podcasts
26:16
Speaker 1: links in my show notes. You get those on my
26:19
Speaker 1: website at www dot Dr tim Jordan dot com. Just
26:24
Speaker 1: some links to some previous podcasts. I did a podcasts
26:28
Speaker 1: about sportsmanship not that long ago. I didn't want about
26:31
Speaker 1: teaching girls pro social skills and that can start early.
26:35
Speaker 1: So there'll be links to a couple of those old
26:37
Speaker 1: podcasts that are related topics. I'll be back here as
26:42
Speaker 1: always with a brand new podcast in a week. Look
26:45
Speaker 1: at my website to see all the information about all
26:47
Speaker 1: the things that I do, all the products I have,
26:49
Speaker 1: all those things, books and tapes and old podcasts. I
26:52
Speaker 1: have three hundred and seventy seven podcasts. Now that's not
26:56
Speaker 1: my little library of podcasts. You can go back and
26:58
Speaker 1: look for topics that that you're interested in, and I'll
27:03
Speaker 1: be back here in a week with a brand new topic.
27:07
Speaker 1: Be careful what you focus on, Be mindful of what
27:10
Speaker 1: you focus on, and I'll see you back here in
27:12
Speaker 1: a week. Thanks so much for stopping by.