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Why Narcissists Don't Want To Change · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  I know a lot of people are going to feel me when I say this, that
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  most narcissists do not want to change.
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  They are not. We are not interested in
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  changing our behaviors and there's a lot of reasons why.
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  But there's a few main reasons why most narcissists don't want
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  to change their behaviors. While most narcissists don't
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  want to do anything to benefit other people other than if it
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  doesn't benefit themselves of course.
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  Y'all, if you're new here, Lee Hammock, diagnose narcissist
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  myself and I give you the inside look at the mind of a
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  narcissist. But yeah, y'all, let's hop right
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  into this thing. Like seriously, most narcissists
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  cannot. I, I don't think that most
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  narcissists can change. I know people, A lot of people
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  ask me because you see my platform, you hear my journey,
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  you know my story over the last eight years of me being in
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  psychotherapy at this time, this video has been filmed in 2025.
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  I don't know when you're going to see it, but at this time,
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  I've been in psychotherapy for eight years and I've been
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  working on it. I've been dealing with it.
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  I've been battling my own mental health.
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  I've been battling narcissistic personality disorder, right?
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  I've been putting the work in on myself.
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  I'm changing my behaviors. The personality disorder does
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  not go away. Let me reiterate that the
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  personality disorder that I have, it does not go away.
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  It does not get cured. A lot of people ask me, can you
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  get cured? Are you cured?
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  Are you recovered? No, I'm just dealing with it.
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  I like therapy. For me is management is not
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  eradication, it's management. It's learning how to manage the
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  symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder.
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  That's what therapy does for me. But most narcissists don't want
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  to change, don't want to put the work in because you know, it's,
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  it requires so much introspection and it requires
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  them admitting, admitting that they are wrong about something,
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  that something might be wrong with them.
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  There's something that's going on with them.
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  It requires that at minimum, and most narcissists don't think
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  that anything is wrong with them.
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  They would like, they like to find ways to blame everybody
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  else for what is going on. They like to find ways to blame
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  other people for how they're being treated and how they're
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  behaving. They like to blame other people
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  for this stuff because it benefits them at the end of the
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  day, like if I'm successfully able to blame you for something,
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  then I got you. You see, if I'm, if I'm able, if
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  I'm successful enough, if I'm able to put it on to you, then I
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  got you. You see?
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  You see how that works right there?
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  Narcissistic people, most of us are going to go about it that
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  way. That's how we're going to do it.
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  We're going to put it on to you. We're going to blame you.
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  I don't want to take the accountability.
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  Why would I want to do that? The accountability brings in the
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  shame it does. Accountability means I'm going
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  to be, I'm going to feel shame for what I've done.
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  I don't want to feel ashamed. I'm trying to escape shame it by
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  any means possible. I'm trying to escape shame.
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  I'm trying to get rid of it by any means possible.
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  So why the hell would I take accountability?
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  Why would I openly welcome shame into my life?
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  Why would I do that? That's the mentality that most
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  narcissists have. Why would I do this when it
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  doesn't benefit me directly? Why would I do this right?
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  So you had to ask yourself the question.
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  Put your put yourself in your in your size in your narcissistic
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  partner or parents or exes, whoever put yourself in their
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  size 27 clown shoe. You comfy in there?
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  OK, now why would you change if you don't have to?
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  Why would you change right? Why would you change to benefit
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  other people? Your mind doesn't work the same
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  way a narcissist that a narcissistic person does.
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  And that's a hard pillar for the so many people, so many people
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  to swallow right there that Simply put, your mind just
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  doesn't work the same way that your narcissistic partners does.
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  Your husband, your wife, whoever this is, right?
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  It just doesn't work the same way because as a narcissist, I'm
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  thinking myself first. I'm trying to defend myself
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  first. I'm trying to protect myself
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  first. Me, me, me, me, me, me.
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  Another reason why narcissists don't want to change is because
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  y'all, they don't have to. I know I said this a little bit
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  before, but they don't have to. It's a lot easier to just go
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  about my daily life being me without having to change
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  anything about myself. I know that doesn't make sense
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  to a lot of people, but it makes sense to narcissistic people,
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  especially if you're with me. If me and you are in a
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  relationship together, you and I, let's get grammatically
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  correct. If you and I are in a
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  relationship together right, and I do something bad to you, if I
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  continuously do the same things over and over again and you're
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  constantly forgiving me and taking me back, why do I need to
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  change my behaviors if I'm still getting what I want from you?
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  That's what you got to ask yourself.
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  Why do I need to change anything about me if you're giving me
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  what I want still? If I'm still somehow getting my
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  needs met from you, by you, why would I change anything about
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  me? How does that make sense, Y'all?
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  I know people I know. Everybody's just like man.
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  Dad, this is kind of crazy, Lee, you right?
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  It is kind of crazy how that works right there.
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  So, yeah, how does that make sense for me if I'm getting
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  everything that I want? Why would I change anything if
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  I'm a if I'm a bum living with you?
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  I've been on your couch for five years now You want now you want
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  me to get a job? Why would I do that?
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  You've been successfully paying the bills for five years.
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  Why would I pay the bills? You've been surviving without me
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  doing it. What's the difference now?
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  Can I have $20, by the way, please.
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  You see how crazy that sounds? You see how insane that
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  mentality is right there? Think about that when you think
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  about it right there. Why would I change anything
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  about myself when I'm still getting what I want, when I'm
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  still progressing forward? Why would I do that?
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  Y'all? I know like to a lot of people
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  it's just like I'm getting everything that I want.
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  Why would I change? I don't need to.
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  Why would I face? Why would I go have to look
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  myself in the mirror and face myself if I don't have to?
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  You see, and I'm not trying to victim blame or whatever, but
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  this is the mind of a narcissist.
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  You don't know how a narcissist thinks.
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  Black and white thinking, if I'm, if you don't leave me, I
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  must not be that bad. If you keep taking me back, I
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  don't have to change. It's black and white thinking,
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  right? So here's the here's the cat.
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  Here's a small caveat though. Sometimes you got to ask
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  yourself, like sometimes you do leave, right?
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  Or sometimes the narcissist leaves you.
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  Sometimes they just don't come back.
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  Why would they so leave? Why didn't they change then?
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  Why would they leave us? Sometimes it's easier to replace
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  you than to change me. Think about it right there.
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  It's easier for me to get a new supply, a new you.
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  It's easier for me to get a replacement version of you that
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  it is for me to go out here and work on myself.
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  It's easier for me to start from scratch, start anew with someone
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  else than it would be for me to do anything with you.
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  And I know that sounds crazy as hell.
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  I know that sounds ridiculous. But you got.
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  Yeah. You're here for a reason.
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  You want to get inside the mind of a narcissist.
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  You're here for a reason. This is the type of stuff you
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  have to think about. I am still going to like I'm I
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  would rather stay me than to change me and be with you to
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  keep you around. So this was why sometimes you'll
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  get a narcissist that would rather discard you.
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  Abandoned their kids, abandoned their family, abandoned their
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  whole life and their family, abandoned their households or
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  their jobs, whatever. Then to change who they are.
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  Then to go sit inside the therapist's office and work on
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  themselves. I know that sounds crazy as
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  hell, but it yo, it's true. You've dealt with it.
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  You've battled with a narcissist before that has done this type
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  of stuff. So you definitely understand
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  exactly where I'm coming from. There's the point to be made
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  right there because most narcissists in these
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  circumstances are going to keep doing the same things over and
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  over again. It's yo, I'm not going to change
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  because my pat, it's easy for me to keep my own patterns, like
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  it's easy for me to stay inside my comfort zone and stay inside
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  this circle that I've drowned than it is for me to step
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  outside of it. I don't want to step outside my
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  comfort zone and have to work on myself to be someone else.
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  Right. Are you vibing?
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  OK. Because this is what goes on in
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  the mind of a narcissist. But Lee, the narcissist know
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  what they're doing. Yeah, I just did it.
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  I'm going to do I I just recorded a video.
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  It's going to be out soon about that.
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  But here's a little preview. Most narcissists know exactly
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  what they're doing. Well, lady, what that Lady
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  doesn't make any sense. They my my partner said they
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  black out. They don't remember anything
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  that they do. Yeah, if they don't remember
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  what they did, that's scarier. First of all, if they black out
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  and turn the house up or hurt you or harm you, that's scarier.
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  I don't remember doing that. I don't remember trying to on a
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  live you. I don't remember putting a a Pew
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  Pew to my head and threatening to pull the trigger and
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  threatening to hit you with it as well.
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  I don't remember that. That's scarier.
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  How did not scare you to you? I think people think that people
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  think that's an escape hatch. That's not that's scarier.
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  If they don't remember, how can they control it?
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  If you don't remember what you have done, how can you stop what
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  you are doing? Think about that right there.
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  You see even cause most time they're lying about remembering,
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  right? But they think if they tell you
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  that they don't remember it that you will forgive them and you
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  just overlook it. Think about it right there.
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  If you don't remember it, isn't that scarier?
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  If you don't recall, isn't that scarier?
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  You see, it's easy to have this selective amnesia that it is to
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  change their behaviors or to admit that they were wrong.
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  You see how that goes right there?
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  Like it's easier for me to try to to pretend that I don't know
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  what I'm doing or what I have done, that it is to change my
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  actual behaviors. But also you get into the
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  mindset of a narcissistic person and you also get to that point
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  where narcissist really truly just they really, truly just
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  don't think that anything is wrong with them, y'all.
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  But they also get into the mindset.
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  But you, they really, truly don't want anybody else to know
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  what they're doing. Well, can we, can they control
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  it? Do they know what they're doing?
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  Yes. That's why they that's why they
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  don't do it in public very often.
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  That's how you know what they're doing because they can control
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  it. They don't do it in front of
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  everybody. Now, if they had a tick and they
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  just screaming in front of everybody like they have
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  Tourette's or something like that, Yeah, that's different,
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  right? But they don't, they don't abuse
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  you in public in front of everybody.
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  They don't put their hands on you in public in front of
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  everybody. They don't put a pillow over
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  your face or Pew Pew to your head.
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  They don't do that in public, do they?
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  Huh. Thought you couldn't control it.
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  Thought you didn't know what you were doing.
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  You see, that's what you have to think about.
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  This is the type of stuff that you have to think about when
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  you're dealing with a narcissist.
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  You really, truly do. Y'all.
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  And I know it sounds like, I know it sounds foolhardy.
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  I know it sounds like foolish to some people, but this is
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  lifestyle that some people are dealing with.
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  You know if you new here and this is your first time hearing
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  these videos, this is literally what so many people are here
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  battling against. It's what so many people are
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  here dealing with. Toxic, abusive, manipulative,
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  narcissistic people that don't have their best interest at
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  heart. Narcissists are going to serve
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  themselves. They don't want the change
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  because they don't have to. They don't feel like anything is
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  wrong with them or they get in their needs manner.
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  Like most narcissistic people are not going to go sit in
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  therapy and face themselves. They don't want to face
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  themselves. I face myself every single day.
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  It's a tough thing. That's why I've been in therapy
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  for eight years. That's why I've been doing 20,
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  almost 20 years of personal development of myself.
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  I've been, I've been watching these, reading these books and
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  stuff like that for 20 years about being a better human
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  being. This is 20 plus years of
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  workout. What you see right here in front
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  of you. Yeah, I'm about to be 40 in a
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  couple weeks, but this is 20 plus years of me working on
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  myself. So I hope this Vodio, hope this
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  video brought you some clarity. I hope it brought you some
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  understanding and I hope it let you get inside the mind of a
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  narcissism. Why we don't want to change,
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  right? If we don't think there's a
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  problem, if we can't acknowledge something is wrong, then you
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  don't want that. You can't change something that
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  you don't admit that that is that exists anyway y'all hit
• 12:02
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• 12:04
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• 12:06
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• 12:09
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• 12:25
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