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#1523 8 (More) Ideas That Changed My Life - Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: I get a team. I hope you're great. Welcome to
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Speaker 1: another installment. Hey, so the other day I did an
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Speaker 1: episode called eight Ideas that Changed My Life. And funny
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Speaker 1: thing about having a podcast, especially six years down the track,
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Speaker 1: fifteen hundred plus episodes down the track, is you're always
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Speaker 1: trying to figure out what resonates, what connects, what people
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Speaker 1: want to hear, what people get value from. And honestly,
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Speaker 1: I get it wrong a lot. I don't get it
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Speaker 1: wrong all the time, but I sometimes I think, you know,
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Speaker 1: people are sick of hearing me bang on, and some
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Speaker 1: people are and I don't blame them. But the numbers
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Speaker 1: for the episode that I did the other day were
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Speaker 1: about twenty thirty percent higher than the average numbers of
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Speaker 1: late I'm like, okay, well, I did have a second
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Speaker 1: part to that, and when I get through the interviews
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Speaker 1: that I've got coming up, I'll do that. So here
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Speaker 1: we are today. So this is part two. This is
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Speaker 1: installment too. If you don't like the solo stuff, if
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Speaker 1: you don't like the workshop be me coaching you stuff,
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Speaker 1: the kind of personal development stuff, the specific kind of
1:10
Speaker 1: that stuff, feel free to tune out and come back tomorrow.
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Speaker 1: So I will say though, that today is slightly different.
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Speaker 1: I mean, I've added a couple of things in here
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Speaker 1: that are really Craig specific, and I don't know. I'm
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Speaker 1: sure they will resonate with a percentage of you, but
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Speaker 1: I don't know that a couple of these will resonate
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Speaker 1: with as many people as some of the more generic
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Speaker 1: you know, do better, think better, I'm going to have
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Speaker 1: a crack, get uncomfortable, be or you can be give
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Speaker 1: us a high five that stuff. Right. So, But in
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Speaker 1: the interest of being authentic and real and sharing with
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Speaker 1: you things that eight ideas that literally did change my life.
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Speaker 1: Not necessarily things that I've tried to weave into coaching
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Speaker 1: others in relation to their life goals, dreams, aspirations, transformation.
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Speaker 2: But.
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Speaker 1: Stuff that for me proved to be really valuable. And
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Speaker 1: I'll tell you what they are. I'll point them out
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Speaker 1: when we get there. But my first idea, I think
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Speaker 1: is pretty universally relevant and powerful. And by the way,
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Speaker 1: all the things I'm sharing with you, they're not original.
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Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't invent this stuff. I think the
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Speaker 1: days of coming up with new ideas, maybe new versions
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Speaker 1: of the same thing, or a new take or a
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Speaker 1: new slant on an old thing. But you know when
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Speaker 1: you think that the stoics and the philosophers and the
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Speaker 1: theologians were cranking out essentially self help, call it what
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Speaker 1: you will, but it's personal development, self help philosophy, very
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Speaker 1: very old school psychology, how to live advice, let's call
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Speaker 1: it that thousands of years ago. I think that sometimes
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Speaker 1: people in this self help in the personal growth space
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Speaker 1: take too much credit for shit they didn't invent. So
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Speaker 1: let me be upfront and say that I'm just sharing
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Speaker 1: things that I believe are just insight, an age old wisdom,
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Speaker 1: and quite often just common sense, that if embraced and
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Speaker 1: used and followed, can don't always but can lead to
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Speaker 1: positive shift on planet US. So the first idea, without
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Speaker 1: further delay, the first idea is just the idea of
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Speaker 1: investing my energy in the things I can control, influence change,
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Speaker 1: and do something about. I personally spent a lot of
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Speaker 1: time in my early days worrying and wondering and obsessing
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Speaker 1: and ruminating, focusing on wasting physical, mental, and emotional energy
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Speaker 1: on things that will be on my control. And for
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Speaker 1: a lot of you that may be the case, maybe
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Speaker 1: not all the time, maybe some of the time. But
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Speaker 1: I think it's very common part of the human experience
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Speaker 1: to obsess about things that we can't do anything about.
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Speaker 1: And that's not to say that that's a character flaw,
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Speaker 1: but I think we can all acknowledge that investing time
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Speaker 1: and energy in things that we can't control is not
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Speaker 1: a great use of our cognitive or emotional resources. And so,
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Speaker 1: for example, I can't change my genetics, So me being
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Speaker 1: jealous of somebody with great genetics, or grumpy my parents
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Speaker 1: for what they did or didn't give me, or obsessing
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Speaker 1: about the morbidly obese child that I was, or thinking
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Speaker 1: if only I had have done this, and if only
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Speaker 1: I had done all Maybe understandable, I guess, but at
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Speaker 1: the same time, complete waste of time, not a good
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Speaker 1: return on investment. And so the better question would be,
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Speaker 1: rather than how come I got these genetics, how come
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Speaker 1: he or she hardly works out and they look amazing,
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Speaker 1: A better question, or a better investment of energy in
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Speaker 1: reference to this particular issue I'm talking about, would be
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Speaker 1: all right, well, with my genetics, with my resources, with
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Speaker 1: my knowledge, with my time, with what I have available
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Speaker 1: to me, What should I be focusing on today? What's
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Speaker 1: the best use of my energy today considering what I
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Speaker 1: want to do be create and change. So recognizing what
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Speaker 1: we waste energy on. What was the name of that university?
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Speaker 1: There was a university is in the States. I forget it.
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Speaker 1: I might post it later, but anyway, They did a
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Speaker 1: study a couple of years ago. Paul Taylor and I
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Speaker 1: spoke about this, But ninety one percent of the things
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Speaker 1: that people worry about stress about future things. I'm talking
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Speaker 1: about future hypothetical problems. Of all of the things that
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Speaker 1: people invest energy in that the bad things that might
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Speaker 1: happen in the future, ninety one percent of those things
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Speaker 1: never happen. Ninety one percent don't happen, and with the
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Speaker 1: nine percent that do, in most cases it's not as
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Speaker 1: bad as anticipated. But also think about the fact that
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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how much you worry about something before
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Speaker 1: it happens. All you're doing in the moment. Like if
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Speaker 1: I'm worried about something, so as I record this, it's
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Speaker 1: Tuesday night, by twenty one Tuesday afternoon. If I'm worried
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Speaker 1: about something right now that might happen next Tuesday, it
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Speaker 1: may or may not. But let's say I'm worried about that.
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Speaker 1: What that means is in this moment five point twenty
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Speaker 1: one on Tuesday, the fourteenth of the fifth, twenty twenty four.
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Speaker 1: My energy, my focus, my attention is not now in
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Speaker 1: the moment with you sharing these thoughts ideas. If I
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Speaker 1: was hypothetically worried, stressed, obsessing about, ruminating on the thing
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Speaker 1: that could happen in a week that may or may
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Speaker 1: not be in my control, definitely what I'm doing right
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Speaker 1: now is wasting my potential right now, I'm wasting my energy.
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Speaker 1: Right now, I'm probably putting myself into a state of
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Speaker 1: anxiety and overthinking and rumination, which doesn't help me. So
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Speaker 1: idea number one is invest your energy and the things
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Speaker 1: that you can control. Number two is Number two is
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Speaker 1: the idea that, and this is a really my mum
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Speaker 1: used to tell me things will work themselves out. And
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Speaker 1: I love my mum and God bless her little socks.
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Speaker 1: But the idea that, depending on what it is, of course,
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Speaker 1: that things work themselves out. Things that things that in
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Speaker 1: your life are a problem or an issue or a
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Speaker 1: behavior or some kind of some kind of hurdle or
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Speaker 1: barrier in your life, more than likely it's not going
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Speaker 1: to work itself out. When we say that thing will
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Speaker 1: work itself out. It's almost like we're inferring that it
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Speaker 1: has an awareness, it has a consciousness, and it will
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Speaker 1: figure out a way to resolve itself, and you or
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Speaker 1: I will be the beneficiary of that thing working itself out.
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Speaker 1: Guess what, maybe in some parallel universe that happens all
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Speaker 1: the time, but on planet you and me, it doesn't
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Speaker 1: happen on planet you and me. The problems, the issues.
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Speaker 1: I'm talking about real problems, real issues, and I'm not
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Speaker 1: talking about obsessing or ruminating. I'm talking about the fact
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Speaker 1: that if there is a problem or an issue, more
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Speaker 1: than likely you and I need to acknowledge it, make
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Speaker 1: a decision about it, think about it, strategize about it,
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Speaker 1: and then do something about it. The problems that I've had,
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Speaker 1: whether they were health problems, whether they were communication problem,
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Speaker 1: financial problems, business problems, research problems in my study, lifestyle problems,
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Speaker 1: all of the problems that we have, all of the
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Speaker 1: like sitting back on my metaphoric hands and thinking, I'm
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Speaker 1: not going to do anything because things always work themselves out.
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Speaker 1: While that is perhaps a comforting thought, it is a
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Speaker 1: fucking ridiculous strategy for the most part. If you want
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Speaker 1: things to get better, you are the person that will
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Speaker 1: make them better. If you want problems to be solved,
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Speaker 1: guess what, you're the problem solver. You are the answer
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Speaker 1: to most of your problems. Doesn't mean you can't use
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Speaker 1: other people or other resources. It doesn't mean that there
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Speaker 1: aren't other variables that are out of your control. But
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Speaker 1: the idea that things will work themselves out is a
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Speaker 1: dumb one. The idea that you will work those things
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Speaker 1: out is a much better idea. Number three is and
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Speaker 1: I love this. This was a real revelation to me,
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Speaker 1: and I think it's a revelation to many people. And
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Speaker 1: this is the ideal, the idea that there's no best
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Speaker 1: in inverted Comma's program. There's no best, single approach or
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Speaker 1: strategy for dealing with the same problem or similar problem
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Speaker 1: or issue across the board. So what will work for me?
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Speaker 1: For example, I want to fix my back pain, improve
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Speaker 1: my flexibility in my range of movement through my hips,
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Speaker 1: and lose a few pounds, and so do you. Therefore,
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Speaker 1: you and I should do the exact same program program
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Speaker 1: because we have the exact same goal. Well no, no,
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Speaker 1: because you don't have my body, because you're probably not
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Speaker 1: six to you probably don't have the injuries I've had
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Speaker 1: and the disc issues that I have. You certainly don't
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Speaker 1: have my genetics, certainly don't have my shit range of movement,
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Speaker 1: probably most of you, and so on, and so the
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Speaker 1: idea that there is when we're talking about how to
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Speaker 1: create an outcome, whether or not that's to build a business,
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Speaker 1: to get through an academic process, whether or not that's
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Speaker 1: to lose weight, whether or not that's to have a
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Speaker 1: an effective conversation with a person, whether or not that's
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Speaker 1: to build a brand online, to resolve conflict, whatever it is,
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Speaker 1: whatever the thing is that we want to achieve, there
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Speaker 1: is no three step plan or no single method that
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Speaker 1: will universally work. And so the question is not what
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Speaker 1: is the best way to get fit, but what is
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Speaker 1: the best way for me to get fit? What is
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Speaker 1: the best program for so on Planet Craig, the best
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Speaker 1: questions for me regarding me is what is the job
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Speaker 1: that will or what is the career path or what
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Speaker 1: are the choices regarding my career and my business and
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Speaker 1: my income and my future self? What are the best
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Speaker 1: decisions or what is the best path for me? What
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Speaker 1: is the best protocol for me? Craig Harper regarding sleep
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Speaker 1: and food and lifestyle and exercise and strength and flexibility
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Speaker 1: and aerobic fitness. What's the best idea for me in
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Speaker 1: terms of all the best protocol for me in terms
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Speaker 1: of building connection and rapport. What's the best protocol for
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Speaker 1: me in terms of delivering a speech or a workshop
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Speaker 1: or a seminar. Because the way that I would successfully
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Speaker 1: run a workshop or seminar, some people couldn't do not
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Speaker 1: because I'm better or worse, but because they're not me.
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Speaker 1: And I look at other people who get on stage
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Speaker 1: and do what they do and they're fucking amazing and
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Speaker 1: they kill it. But I couldn't do it because I'm
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Speaker 1: not them, and I don't have their personality. I don't
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Speaker 1: have whatever it is that they have. I don't have that.
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Speaker 1: So the idea that there is a best way to
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Speaker 1: universally create an outcome or do something, and that best
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Speaker 1: way will work for everybody dumb idea. The better idea
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Speaker 1: is the awakened idea is what is the best way
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Speaker 1: to feel in the blank for me? What is the
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Speaker 1: best way to feel in the blank for you? So
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Speaker 1: number four is the idea that the past and future
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Speaker 1: can only exist in my mind. Think about that the
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Speaker 1: past and future can only exist in my mind. Think
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Speaker 1: about exist being a verb. Exists being a present tense verb.
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Speaker 1: So the past can't exist because exist happens in the now.
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Speaker 1: It's a present tense doing. It's a verb. The future
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Speaker 1: can't exist in the now. I can think about what
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Speaker 1: we call the past in the now, I can think
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Speaker 1: about or try to conceive, what the future, what we
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Speaker 1: call the future, might look like. But really, last Wednesday,
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Speaker 1: the thing that we call the past was just a
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Speaker 1: previous installment of the present moment. You have never lived
14:25
Speaker 1: lived being a present tense verb. You have never lived
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Speaker 1: in the past. What we refer to as the past
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Speaker 1: was at that point on your evolutionary timeline. That was
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Speaker 1: just another now moment. That was just another moment in
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Speaker 1: the present. When next Wednesday comes, that won't be the future.
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Speaker 1: When next Wednesday arrives, you will still be in the present,
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Speaker 1: not this present that I am speaking. Think about this
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Speaker 1: right right now as I record this, it's five to
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Speaker 1: third on Tuesday, the fourteenth of May, and I am
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Speaker 1: speaking this into the in my version of the present
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Speaker 1: and right now at a different point in time, you
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Speaker 1: are listening to it right now as you hear these
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Speaker 1: words in your version of the present, But your version
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Speaker 1: of right now, as you hear these words to me
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Speaker 1: at this moment, as I say them, is my future ah,
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Speaker 1: the future being just another installment of now. When next
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Speaker 1: Wednesday comes, when next month, when next year comes, you're
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Speaker 1: not going to be in the future. You're going to
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Speaker 1: be present tense. You're going to be in the now.
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Speaker 1: And so I know this can be a bit of
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Speaker 1: a mind fuck. And why do I share it?
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Speaker 3: I share it because back to point one, Well, we
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Speaker 3: can plan for the future, and we can remember or
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Speaker 3: what we call the future, and remember what we call
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Speaker 3: the past.
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Speaker 1: I think it's really good to acknowledge and have the
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Speaker 1: awareness that I am always in I am always behaving,
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Speaker 1: in living, in choosing, in breathing, moving, talking, always in
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Speaker 1: the present. I am never talking. It's another present tense
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Speaker 1: verb to doing word. I'm never talking in the past.
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Speaker 1: I might be talking in the present about the past
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Speaker 1: or talking in the present about the future. Why do
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Speaker 1: I say this because I believe that so many of
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Speaker 1: us waste so much fucking potential obsessing about bullshit that
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Speaker 1: probably won't happen in the future. And things that happened
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Speaker 1: in the what we call the past that we can't
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Speaker 1: change now. For those who have experienced trauma in the past,
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Speaker 1: of course, there's empathy, there's love, there's care, of course,
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Speaker 1: and we're not trying to devalue what happened or pretend
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Speaker 1: what happened did not happened. We're not doing that at all.
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Speaker 1: We've all had to varying degrees, bad shit happen. I've
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Speaker 1: had one of my best friends in the world die
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Speaker 1: in front of me, literally in front of me, was
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Speaker 1: dead for seventeen minutes. Fortunately we got him back. But
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Speaker 1: that moment in time that happened in the present, does
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Speaker 1: that come to that image, that image of my friend
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Speaker 1: on the ground, dead in front of me and me
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Speaker 1: giving him CPR, me working on him, trying to get
17:41
Speaker 1: him undead. Does that visit my mind in the present. Yes,
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Speaker 1: But the only way that I can keep fueling that
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Speaker 1: is if I keep thinking about it and going back
17:51
Speaker 1: there was it traumatic? Yes, it was, And of course
17:55
Speaker 1: trauma and therapy and recoveries from such events is a
17:59
Speaker 1: much big conversation than this one. And full respect and
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Speaker 1: love and care to everyone who struggles with things from
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Speaker 1: the past, but I think it's a really good idea,
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Speaker 1: just to think, oh, yeah, that stuff doesn't live in
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Speaker 1: the now. The future doesn't live in the now. And
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Speaker 1: the next one is kind of intersex with that. And
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Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much these overlap because I haven't
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Speaker 1: said all this out loud, But the next one is,
18:28
Speaker 1: so I'll go through it quickly. The idea that I
18:30
Speaker 1: create my own reality, the idea that I create my
18:35
Speaker 1: own reality, that I create my experiences. That you and
18:42
Speaker 1: I might be sitting in a cafe having a coffee
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Speaker 1: and talking, and we are in the same moment in time,
18:50
Speaker 1: at the same cafe, at the same table, in the
18:52
Speaker 1: same conversation, but we are not in the same reality.
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Speaker 1: You're in your reality, You're self created reality. I'm in
19:02
Speaker 1: my self created reality, and my self created reality and
19:06
Speaker 1: your self created reality is essentially a byproduct of your
19:12
Speaker 1: mind and emotions interpreting an internal inter interpretation of a
19:19
Speaker 1: fucking pluthora a mountain of inbound external stimuli. You and
19:25
Speaker 1: I are always processing the world around a situation, circumstance, environment, people, events,
19:33
Speaker 1: and we are interpreting, and we are telling ourself stories,
19:37
Speaker 1: and we are creating our own in the moment reality,
19:41
Speaker 1: which is why brothers and sisters. Right now, there are
19:47
Speaker 1: people listening to this the exact same words from the
19:51
Speaker 1: exact same person, with the exact same intent, and some
19:56
Speaker 1: people are thinking this is bullshit, or I've heard this
20:00
Speaker 1: four or this is boring, or somebody might be saying
20:04
Speaker 1: this is fascinating, this is helpful, this is insightful, and
20:08
Speaker 1: for all of those individual interpretations, for those people, that
20:13
Speaker 1: is real, that is real. Is it boring vrjohnities, Is
20:19
Speaker 1: it enlightening for Sally? It might be? Is it interesting
20:23
Speaker 1: for someone else?
20:24
Speaker 3: Yes?
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Speaker 1: Is it irrelevant for someone else yes, because it's not
20:29
Speaker 1: about what is real on the experiential level. For you,
20:35
Speaker 1: as an individual, what is real is your story about
20:39
Speaker 1: my words. If you think I'm boring, You're bored. You're
20:44
Speaker 1: literally bored. If you think I'm fascinating and this message
20:49
Speaker 1: is fascinating, your experience now is fascination. But your fascination
20:55
Speaker 1: is not created by me. It's created by your interpretation. Meck,
21:01
Speaker 1: how exciting is this stuff? My next idea is I've
21:05
Speaker 1: got three to go. My next idea is the idea
21:09
Speaker 1: that mediocrity could be a gift. And as the kid
21:15
Speaker 1: who grew up at mediocre Central five mediocre Street, mediocre Central,
21:25
Speaker 1: realizing that perhaps because I wasn't super smart, super gifted,
21:30
Speaker 1: super talented, super anything, realizing that, well, if I want
21:36
Speaker 1: to be exceptional, or perhaps create exceptional outcomes, I need
21:43
Speaker 1: I need to work harder than my more talented friends,
21:47
Speaker 1: than my more gifted friends, than my more creative, more intellectual,
21:52
Speaker 1: more academic friends if I want to succeed or at
21:56
Speaker 1: least do as well as them, or maybe be a
22:01
Speaker 1: success story in some way, shape or form. And so
22:06
Speaker 1: for me personally, I kind of think, and this is
22:10
Speaker 1: just again, this is just me, right, I kind of
22:13
Speaker 1: think if I was super gifted, if I was super talented,
22:18
Speaker 1: super intelligent, I probably would have been lazy, because I reckon,
22:23
Speaker 1: if I had all of that stuff going for me,
22:25
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have had to work hard to succeed. But
22:29
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't have that. And so for me
22:33
Speaker 1: to get in shape, for me to get fit, for
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Speaker 1: me to get strong, for me to create the body
22:37
Speaker 1: that I wanted to live in, was not easy. It
22:40
Speaker 1: was not fun, It was not quick, it was not painless,
22:42
Speaker 1: it was fucking grind. But in the middle of that determination,
22:47
Speaker 1: and focus and work I had became a better version
22:49
Speaker 1: of me. I built resilience and understanding and awareness, and
22:53
Speaker 1: so out of the mediocrity came this drive. Out of
22:56
Speaker 1: the mediocrity came this level of motivation, and out of
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Speaker 1: the drive and the motivation came these skills and this
23:03
Speaker 1: ability to adapt and survive and thrive and ask good
23:06
Speaker 1: questions and use more of what I had. So maybe
23:11
Speaker 1: my default talent was a five out of ten, but
23:14
Speaker 1: maybe I used most of it, or maybe I use
23:18
Speaker 1: more of it. Maybe I developed skills and understanding and
23:20
Speaker 1: awareness beyond my default setting. And so the idea that
23:27
Speaker 1: being gifted is a gift, maybe maybe it's an advantage,
23:34
Speaker 1: but maybe being super gifted, depending on how your life unfolds,
23:38
Speaker 1: can actually be a handicap because for some people, and
23:43
Speaker 1: I would never mention a name, but I know many
23:45
Speaker 1: people who just growing up, I wasn't.
23:49
Speaker 2: Jealous, but I was very aware that they just had
23:51
Speaker 2: a lot of talent, a lot of capability, a lot
23:54
Speaker 2: of potential, a lot of brain power, a lot of
23:57
Speaker 2: cognitive horsepower. It came so easy to them that didn't
24:02
Speaker 2: to me. And it's fair to say that some of
24:05
Speaker 2: them did great it's also fair to say that some
24:09
Speaker 2: of them, with respect, definitely did not even scratch the
24:14
Speaker 2: surface of their potential. My second last one, which I've
24:19
Speaker 2: spoken about a bit, so I won't bang on about it,
24:21
Speaker 2: But it's just the idea that I don't need a job,
24:24
Speaker 2: or that I didn't have to necessarily go down the
24:27
Speaker 2: typical route, the typical route of clocking in and clocking
24:34
Speaker 2: out and working nine to five or the equivalent a
24:36
Speaker 2: version of nine to five, or going somewhere and sitting
24:40
Speaker 2: in a cubicle, or sitting in an office, or going
24:43
Speaker 2: and doing meetings, or I didn't need.
24:46
Speaker 1: To do that. I didn't need to work in someone
24:48
Speaker 1: else's paradigm. I didn't need to have a boss. I
24:52
Speaker 1: didn't need to comply with someone else's rules and protocols.
24:56
Speaker 1: I didn't need to blend into the fabric of a
24:59
Speaker 1: color culture that I didn't create or want to be in,
25:03
Speaker 1: or resonate with the idea that I could spend the
25:07
Speaker 1: vast majority of my working life not having a job
25:11
Speaker 1: was super sexy to me, super fucking appealing. To figure
25:15
Speaker 1: out what I don't want and then to create the
25:18
Speaker 1: thing that I do want to be able to build
25:21
Speaker 1: this convergence of something that would make money and be
25:25
Speaker 1: a career along with something that I fucking loved to do,
25:31
Speaker 1: to coach people, to communicate, to create, to develop, to
25:38
Speaker 1: be a lifelong learner. So the idea that I didn't
25:42
Speaker 1: need that, I guess for me, it was more like
25:44
Speaker 1: a lightbulb. It was like a fucking epiphany where I went, oh,
25:48
Speaker 1: I don't have to because for a long time, wealth
25:52
Speaker 1: through my childhood and teens, I just thought I have
25:56
Speaker 1: to go and get a job, and then I will
25:57
Speaker 1: have because I grew up in the seventies and eighties
26:00
Speaker 1: and I started working the eighties, and back then, you know,
26:04
Speaker 1: there was fucking twenty jobs in the world. Now there's
26:07
Speaker 1: twenty million jobs, you know, And of course there was
26:10
Speaker 1: more than twenty, but fucking not that much more. And
26:13
Speaker 1: so you pick one and then you do that, and
26:16
Speaker 1: then hopefully you get a good boss and good pay
26:18
Speaker 1: and good conditions. You have your four weeks holiday year,
26:21
Speaker 1: and you get sick pay, and you get this and
26:23
Speaker 1: that and then sixty five and you pull the pin
26:27
Speaker 1: and you go, fuck now play gol, fuck that fuck
26:32
Speaker 1: the fuck, fuck stick that up your as the idea
26:36
Speaker 1: that I didn't need to do that, and then having
26:39
Speaker 1: the courage. I only say courage because I was fucking
26:43
Speaker 1: terrified having the courage to then go and build that.
26:46
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that I had that realization at an
26:50
Speaker 1: early age. And my last one is deeply personal and weird,
26:57
Speaker 1: and I'm reluctant to say it, but I'm just going
27:00
Speaker 1: to say, for me, the idea that not being married
27:03
Speaker 1: is okay. Oh my god, that was a relief. I'm like, oh,
27:08
Speaker 1: because for a very long time I felt broken, I
27:15
Speaker 1: felt like embarrassed that I felt not good enough, I
27:21
Speaker 1: felt dysfunctional that oh, everyone's married, I'm not married, and
27:26
Speaker 1: I don't want to go into the wives and all
27:27
Speaker 1: of that. But it wasn't a plan, Like, there was
27:30
Speaker 1: no I never went, you know what, I hate marriage.
27:33
Speaker 1: Everyone's miserable. I'm not doing I never It just kind
27:36
Speaker 1: of worked out that way, and it wasn't a yeah,
27:42
Speaker 1: it wasn't a strategy. It just kind of worked out
27:44
Speaker 1: that way. And I am the first to say that
27:49
Speaker 1: I'm not against marriage, and I don't think marriage is bad.
27:53
Speaker 1: Of course, my mum and dad had been married for
27:54
Speaker 1: two hundred years. My training partner's been married to the
27:57
Speaker 1: one awesome lady for a long time, best mate. Vin's
28:00
Speaker 1: been married to the best fucking wife in the world,
28:03
Speaker 1: Tanya for a long time. So I'm not anti marriage.
28:06
Speaker 1: I don't think marriage is bad. I personally think being
28:09
Speaker 1: in a dysfunctional, unhealthy, toxic relationship, be that a friendship,
28:13
Speaker 1: be that a marriage, be that a de facto relationship
28:17
Speaker 1: or whatever, that's bad. And I see that, I see
28:22
Speaker 1: that toxic, unhealthy, dysfunctional kind of thing happening both in
28:27
Speaker 1: marriage and out of marriage. I'm I'm not a fan
28:30
Speaker 1: of that, but I'm definitely not anti marriage. But for me,
28:33
Speaker 1: the idea that I can, I can. I can navigate
28:37
Speaker 1: life as a single person, and I'm not well that.
28:42
Speaker 1: I was going to say, I'm not weird, but that's debatable,
28:45
Speaker 1: probably a bit weird, But you know, in fact, I
28:48
Speaker 1: can be unmarried and fulfilled and happy and creative and
28:54
Speaker 1: have awesome relationships and friendships, and I can have my psychological, emotional,
29:00
Speaker 1: sociological needs met without necessarily being with the same person
29:07
Speaker 1: for twenty thirty forty fifty years. Nothing wrong with that,
29:10
Speaker 1: but I don't have to do that, So please don't
29:14
Speaker 1: misinterpret what I'm saying I am not saying that marriage
29:18
Speaker 1: is bad. I'm not saying I'm against marriage at all.
29:23
Speaker 1: I'm saying that for me, the recognition and the awareness
29:27
Speaker 1: that I'm not married and it's okay, it's okay, albeit
29:34
Speaker 1: somewhat frowned upon and questioned and criticized like anauseum, essentially
29:42
Speaker 1: the question being really more than a thousand times in
29:47
Speaker 1: my life I've had someone essentially say what's wrong with you?
29:51
Speaker 1: And it's kind of nasty, right, But for me, the
29:55
Speaker 1: awareness that the idea that being unmarried is not only
29:59
Speaker 1: is it okay some people it's the right thing. Maybe
30:01
Speaker 1: for some people it's the best thing. Right. There we go, Groovers.
30:05
Speaker 1: Eight more ideas, do with them what you will, or
30:08
Speaker 1: don't love your guts. Thanks for tuning in as always,