Latest / Abundant + Aligned / 145 // Lessons from my 20's (I think it's my BEST EPISODE yet)

Transcript

145 // Lessons from my 20's (I think it's my BEST EPISODE yet) · Abundant + Aligned

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Abundant and Aligned podcast, where we welcome women who are ready to live the life of their dreams.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: So if that's you, I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I'm Jess, your host and your new bestie, here to remind you to dream big, live with intention and believe that actually, yes, you can.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Here we talk all things mindset and personal development.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We are on a mission to create abundance in all areas of our life, and playing small just isn't our jam.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: So if you're ready to expand your mind to the possibilities, turn off autopilot and start showing up with intention.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Buckle up for the ride.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: We are Abundant and Aligned.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome back to the Abundant and Aligned podcast.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I am so excited to be sitting down for a solo episode with you guys.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: We've had some incredible guest speakers on the show recently and if you're yet to tune in, make sure you go back, especially if you have a business.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: I have been interviewing women who have businesses female founders about their experience in business, how they've gone from startup to the success that they now have, including a bunch of their lessons, advice, wisdom that will be so beneficial for you, no matter where you are in your business journey and I mean even if you don't necessarily have a business, still tune in, because they talk a lot about mindset, discipline, motivation all qualities that you can apply to so many areas of your life.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: So if you're yet to tune in, go back and listen to those episodes.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: But, as I said, I'm here for a solo episode with you all today and, if you can't tell by my voice, I have somewhat lost my voice because I've just got back from a week away celebrating my 30th birthday, and I'm excited to be filming this, or recording this after the fact, because I did plan to record this before I went away and get this to you guys while I was away, but then I was like no, I want it to come from after the fact, so that I can talk about my birthday and what I did for my 30th and share the lessons that I'm sharing with you today from after the fact.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: So today's episode is all about 20 lessons.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, sorry, no, not 20 lessons.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Five lessons from my twenties, and I do have notes here today.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: So if you're watching the video version of this, I will be referring to the notes, because I've given some thought to my five lessons and these five lessons will apply to you no matter where you're at.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: So this, this episode, is not just for those in business.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: This is not just for those in business.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: This is not just for the female founders.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: This is for anyone who is ready or willing to up-level their life, do a big life audit to make sure that they are living from a place of intention.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: And, yeah, I just thought sharing my lessons with you may help you navigate wherever you're at right now, whether you're in your 20s or not, to ensure that you are living your life for you and you are continuing to check in with where you're at and making sure you're in a place you want to be in, and of course, that applies to careers, jobs, relationships where you live, friends, like so many areas of your life.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: I want to remind you to constantly check in and ask am I happy?
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Does this align with what I want in my life?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Is this fulfilling me?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Is this my purpose?
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: And, if not, be okay to change it.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: And so I guess that's kind of the lesson.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: The essence of a lot of my lessons here today is to be okay with change, make sure you're always intentional and at the end of the lesson, the essence of a lot of my lessons here today is to be okay with change, make sure you're always intentional and at the end of the day, as I said, make sure your life is for you.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: So five lessons from my twenties coming your way today.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: But before let's just quickly do a summary of my 30th birthday.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, a dream come true.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: If you follow me on Instagram, you would know what I'm talking about.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: So, as you know, I'm getting married next year.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: I have a lot going on in the business.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: I had an incredible lunch recently for all of my bridesmaids.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: So when it came to my 30th birthday celebration, I really was getting to the point where I couldn't be bothered.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: I wanted to do something and I had planned to go back down to Canberra, where I'm from, and celebrate with all of my friends and wanted to make it a beautiful lunch, but got to the point where I was like I just don't have the time to organize this.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: Anyways, my sister was like why don't you leave it to me?
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I can do this for you.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: You just let me know the vibe you want to go for, what you want this lunch to entail, and I can take it from there.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: So I was like you are a lifesaver, go for it.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: So I sent her a photo of the table setting that I wanted to go for and of course it was brown and beiges, very on brand and said I just wanted to have like a long table in the paddock.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: So my parents live on a property and I wanted that, yeah, that country, rustic, look, vibe, and just this beautiful long table in the paddock where we can just look out at the paddock, at the horses, um, and just have like a beautiful lunch together.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: So that was my, that was my instructions to her and then she just took it from there.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Her and my mom just put together the most beautiful day Again, just go over to my Instagram and have a look at my reel.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: But we had this beautiful long table in the paddock.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: The setting of this table was insane.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Like we always tell my sister and my mom that they should be in event planning because they do it so well.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: My sister even had her partner build a bar for the area.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: She had all these cool signs set up and, yeah, it was just honestly the most perfect celebration.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Like brought my vision to life tenfold.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: So we celebrated that on Saturday.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: My actual birthday was last Thursday and that was just a nice lunch with my family, and a friend came down from the Gold Coast and Bart, of course, we went to an Italian restaurant in the city in Canberra, which is my favorite food.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: So that was a beautiful day, received so many messages, which is always so nice.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I just love birthdays and then, yes, celebrated with everyone on Saturday.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, make sure you go and check out my Instagram to see what that lunch looked like.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: It was perfect.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: And then we drove back to the Gold Coast yesterday, so it's a 12-hour drive, so I was very exhausted this morning, but back on the bandwagon, back into work mode, which I'm really excited, for I do miss work a lot when I take some time off.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: So here we are, a podcast recording for you all and, given I have just entered my thirties, I thought it would be nice if we sat down and had a chat about my twenties and, as I said, I wanted to share some of my lessons from my twenties.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to go into a chronology of my twenties because I have spoken a lot about my story on the podcast a lot but I'm very proud of what I've done in the decade.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: That has been in terms of a career change, a relationship breakup, navigating new friendships, moving from my hometown, meeting my now fiance.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: I'm very proud of what I've got done and because of all of that, I feel like I have some pretty cool lessons from all of that.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: Some of these lessons I either followed myself and it turned out pretty good or, reflecting back, I wish I did at the time or at least follow these lessons sooner on, which will make sense in a second, but in a very, very, very quick nutshell.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: I grew up in Canberra.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: I went to uni to study law, which was a childhood dream of mine.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: I got a.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Then I moved from Canberra to the Gold Coast to live by the beach with my partner at the time.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I got my dream job at the time, working as a personal injury lawyer for a big national company up here on the Gold Coast, and I worked as a lawyer right up until the position of senior solicitor for about six years.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: I, in the midst of that, decided law wasn't actually for me and I wanted to create a life of complete freedom time freedom, location freedom, financial freedom.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: And I landed in a network marketing company and I did that for a couple of years, learned a lot about the online space and really solidified my decision that I didn't want to continue in my career in law and I really wanted to work for myself and have my own business.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: So I grew my Arbonne business for a couple of years and that was amazing.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: And then, along the in my career in law and I really wanted to work for myself and have my own business.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: So I grew my Arbonne business for a couple of years and that was amazing.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: And then, along the way, I discovered that I had this huge passion for personal development.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: I was so amazed by manifestation and the subconscious mind, which ultimately came from my own hurdles, that I faced in that first business.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: Again, without going into this in too much detail, I worked my little butt off within my Arbonne business and didn't see the success that I thought I would have.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: So it came to the point where I took a step back and was like, okay, it's something to do with me.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: I need to take a look at what's going on within my mindset and my energy and things like that.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: And yeah, long story short, become obsessed with the subconscious mind, understanding the energetics behind the creation of our reality, and ultimately came to the point where I was like more women need to know this.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: So I started the podcast, and then programs and coaching and the brand Jess Martin came from.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: That, in the mix of all of that, I ended an eight year relationship which was on my terms.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: However, does not take away from the fact that that was a very difficult time in my life.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I feel like it doesn't matter what the terms are of a breakup.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: It's still difficult, especially after that long.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: So I did that.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: I moved to the Gold Coast twice because somewhere along the lines there I had moved home for a little bit with my partner at the time and then kind of figured out I didn't want to be back in Canberra and be with him, so I moved back to the Gold Coast and then I met Bart and now we're engaged and I'm building this business and I'm building my life with him and, yeah, it's been like a incredible journey and, as I said at the start, I'm very, very proud of the person I've become in that decade of my life, the things that I've tried, the things that I've failed at and, yeah, ultimately, I'm feeling really fulfilled and content to enter this next chapter of my life.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: And they do say your 30s are your best years, right?
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: So I'm excited to see what unfolds in this next decade.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: But before we do that, let's do a bit of a wrap up on my 20s, and I wanted to share five of my lessons that have come from my 20s and, like I said, I have given a lot of thought to these to make sure that they can be helpful for you, no matter where you are in your own life.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: You don't necessarily need to be navigating your 20s you could be at any phase in life, going through whatever, for these lessons to be helpful in one way or another.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: So lesson number one is to always remain curious and always continue to ask the question and always continue to ask the question is this really what I want?
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Now, that's a lesson that I feel like I've been really good at upholding in my own life, always remaining curious and always asking actually, I shouldn't say always.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Since 2018, I have been this person, which I'll get to in a second, but since 2018, I feel like I have always remained curious Is this really where I want to live?
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Is this the career that I want to do?
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: Is this the relationship that I want?
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Are these the friends that I want?
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Always remaining curious and always just checking in in terms of where this is where I want to be.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: But, as I said, that is something that I got better at from 2018, which would have made me.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: How old was I in 2018?
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: 24?
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Wow, my math sucks.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: 24, I think Before that point.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Like I said, my childhood dream was to climb the corporate ladder as a lawyer and, honestly, I don't know where that ambition came from, but, as long as I can remember, that's the career that I wanted to do.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I remember talking about it from a very young age and always getting into arguments with my family to prove that I would make a good lawyer and then, of course, worked really hard at school to get good grades, same at uni, to make sure that I had set myself up for this.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: But what I realized after 2018 was that was a career that I thought I wanted, based on my conditioning.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: So in my family, a lot of emphasis is put on going to uni and getting into the public service or some kind of corporate job, which is, of course, a really good intention to have, and very grateful that my parents, my family, advocated for a path like that.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: There's definitely worse paths out there, but I realized in 2018 that that career intention was more an intention coming from my family and my upbringing.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: As opposed to me, my dad had his own business.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Again, if you are a regular listener, you guys know that he had his own business but no women in my business.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: No women in my family had their own business that I can think of, or at least within my immediate circle.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: So I never saw women starting businesses.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: A lot of the men were self-employed, but not women.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: So it was never demonstrated to me or shown to me that, as a female, you could also work for yourself and have a business.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: So therefore, it was just never put in front of me and I had never, ever thought about it.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: So I grew up just being like I'm going to be a lawyer because of that conditioning that I had, and up until 2018, I hadn't actually stopped to think about was that going to service the life that I really, really wanted for myself?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: If I remove the money and that was a big reason why I wanted to be a lawyer was because of the money side of things, which I quickly learned.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: It's not as flashy as what you may think, but, moving that aside, I hadn't really checked in with was that career aligning with what I really wanted out of life, like if I removed, how I could have made that happen, or what was, in quotes, realistic or possible?
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: If I could have any life I wanted, did being a lawyer align with that?
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: And that's the question I finally asked myself in 2018, if I could have any life I wanted, did being a lawyer align with that?
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: And that's the question I finally asked myself in 2018, if I could have any life, if it could look however I wanted, without me worrying about how or if it's possible or realistic or within the realms of what I could actually do, like what would I want my life to look like and in 2018, I realized a huge, huge priority for me was freedom, and mostly because I'd moved away from my family and therefore couldn't go home to see them whenever I wanted because I had to work.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: And then, if I could go home, it was based on whether I had enough leave or whether that leave was approved, and that really just did not sit well for me.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: And for the first time ever, I allowed myself to ponder on what if life didn't revolve around whether I can get leave from work or if I wasn't busy at work, and, ultimately, whether a boss said I could or not like what if that wasn't a part of my life?
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: And I was just so excited by that and I just journaled, and journaled and journaled about a life where I had freedom to go on a holiday whenever I wanted, extend my holiday if I felt like it, treat a Monday like a weekend, be able to say yes to things without having to check my work calendar, doing things without having to check in with the boss, and I just became so excited by this life of freedom.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Of course, that's when I jumped into network marketing and went down the path of being where I am now working for myself.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: But, as I said, that was the first time I really just allowed myself to ask the question is this really what I want my life to look like?
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: And it was the first time I had allowed myself to look outside the box.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: So remain curious and if you have never done an audit on your own life, multiple areas of your life, this is your little nudge to do so and be okay with the answers that you find A lot of women don't stop and ask themselves is this really what I want?
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: Because if they discover that it's not, then they feel the responsibility to do something about it, and of course that's scary, of course that's going to nudge you out of your comfort zone and as human beings, that's the last thing we want.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Our brains want you to stay here in your familiar, in your normal, because it knows you're safe.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: So if we ask ourselves the question of what we want and the answers we find no longer aligns with where we're at, we now have to do something about it.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: But I just want you to know if something comes to mind that is different to where you are right now, it is there for a reason.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: The universe has done half the job by planting that idea, that path, that next plan for you idea, that path, that next plan for you.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: Your job now is to execute on it, knowing that it will work out because it came to you.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: And I want you to find comfort in that because, again, a lot of us get scared by the what ifs, we get scared by change.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: But there's no need to be scared.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: And if we all lived our life from a place of that idea or that intention or that plan came to me because it's meant for me, imagine how fulfilled we all would be.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: So remain curious, ask yourself the question is this really what I want?
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: And keep asking yourself that question every single year, every single month, every single day.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Doing a check-in is where I'm at right now, lighting my soul up.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: Is it making me happy?
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: And, if not, be excited by what's next for you, because it's going to be exactly what you want, or better?
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Lesson number two don't stay comfortable for too long.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: So I said at the start of this that some lessons I feel like I've upheld pretty well.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: Others were things that came up when I reflected back and I was like, oh, I probably could have done that better.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: I, looking back in my life, stayed comfortable for too long.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Of course I did, though right, we as human beings will stay comfortable for too long.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: As I said, your brain wants you to stay in your familiar, wants you to be right here for the end of time, living on autopilot, because it can then make the assessment that you, that you, are going to be safe.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: But there were moments in my twenties where I did remain comfortable for too long, and I did have little nudges that I wasn't where I was supposed to be, but, I guess, ignored them.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I ignored them because I was too scared to jump out into the unfamiliar and figure out what was next for me.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: I did it when I was still working in my network marketing business.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, in 2018, when I did that big, had that big realization that I wanted to work for myself.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Jumping into network marketing was the next part of that and, as I said, I grew that business.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I went all in on that business, and I grew that business alongside being a lawyer for about two and a half years, but earlier I was in that business journey.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: I was having these ideas of like, what if I had my own brand?
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: What if I was completely my own boss, because if you're familiar with network marketing, you don't have all of the say so you don't invent the products.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: There are a lot of.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: There are some like guidelines around the way you talk about the products and the business and how you show up on social media and things like that.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: And that was starting to really rev up when I was in that business in terms of like, you can't say that on social media or if you do, you need to put a disclaimer.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: And I was like, but I want to talk about you know it, in my way, I want to use my language.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: So that kind of started to trigger me a little bit bit.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I was just like really becoming curious about having my own brand and being able to help women, but under the brand of Jess Martin, not Arbonne.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: But I had that nudge and I ignored it and I kept just working on my Arbonne business and, you know, losing hours of my life to this business, when I should have listened to that little nudge earlier and created my brand earlier.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Of course, it's all worked out and it's all fine and all of the connections I made in that network marketing business have actually showed up again in my business, my brand, now.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: So you know there's probably parts of that.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: That was supposed to be that way.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I probably did lose a bit of time that could have gone into growing Jess Martin the brand as opposed to my network marketing business.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: And again, that was solely because I had this belief that I'd poured so much into that first business that if I let it all go it was a complete waste of time and it would be somewhat of a failure.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Especially, like I said, I went all in on that business.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: It interfered a lot with my relationship at the time in terms of I would go to work, come home like go to my job as a lawyer, come home, cook dinner, have a shower and then work my Arbonne business until 11 o'clock at night.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: There were weekends where I was working all day Saturday, all day Sunday, so to then turn around and go, I'm done with this business just wasn't sitting that well with me.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: So I was like no, like I've got to keep going.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: And I saw the vision when it came to that network marketing business and I still do really believe in that business model and I think Arbonne is an incredible company.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: So I still held that so close to my heart.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: I was like I can see myself being at the top of this company.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: But the reasons why I wanted to be at the top of that company was outside of Arbonne, and I finally discovered that what I really wanted was to mentor women, to be alongside them in the trenches, helping them create the life of their dreams.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: And, yeah, I wanted to be able to do that within my own brand and not within Arbonne.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: So I should have probably listened a little bit sooner and left that first business and jumped into this business sooner.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: But that's another lesson.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: It happened again when I was working at Shine.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: So, sorry, I've jumped the gun a little bit Actually.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: No, sorry, yes, no, we're still on track.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: I was still working at Shine.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: I left Arbonne and started Jess Martin the brand and then, of course, was growing Jess Martin the brand alongside still working at Shine Lawyers and same thing.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: There were moments where I was making enough money in my business to afford to live off my business, like I didn't need to keep going to another job.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: I had clients lined up, things were going amazing, but I held onto my job at Shine for too long, and the reason for that was, of course, it was very comfortable for me A career that I'd wanted my entire life.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I had the conditioning there to climb the corporate ladder.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I was really good at that job but of course I was because I was programmed to do a job like that and me showing up for that job every day was so familiar for me.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Even though I had only been in the career for six years, my mind again had been conditioned for that career since the day I was born, based on conversations, based on watching other people in my family do these type of jobs, like it was within my entire being to do this job.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: So I was really good at it, it was really easy and it didn't push me out of my comfort zone.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: So I remained in that job, even though financially I didn't push me out of my comfort zone.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: So I remained in that job even though financially I didn't need to, even though my boss knew that eventually I was going to step out, like I had the support there to resign.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: You know, not that your boss forces you to stay, but it wasn't like it was an awkward conversation to have, like she knew that was the plan for me eventually.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I stayed still.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Another reason why I stayed in that role for longer than I should have because it was comfortable.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: But it was an ego thing, which was a realization that took me a long time to have.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: So much of my identity was wrapped up in that job as a lawyer and there was so much in me that sought out the acceptance.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: There was so much in me that tied me being a job to being accepted in my sorry.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: There was so much in me that tied me working as a lawyer to being accepted within my family.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: So, of course, my parents were so proud when I went to law school and, as a lawyer, to being accepted within my family.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: So of course, my parents were so proud when I went to law school and became a lawyer, which I'm so, so grateful for.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: But no one understood why I would want to leave that job.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: You know it's a stable job, it's a good job, there's so much career progression, it pays well.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: Like, why would you want to leave it Consciously?
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: I was like because I have dreams to work for myself and I'm I'm really good at that part of my job and my career as well.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Um, but there was still so much in me that was like no, if I'm not a lawyer anymore, then I won't get that acceptance that I have from my family.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Um, and I didn't want them to look at me and think that I was irresponsible for leaving a career that, again, was stable, it paid well, I had so much career progression, like I didn't want them to think that I was being irresponsible and for the decision to leave shine to come from a place of like what the fuck are you doing, you idiot?
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Um, so, yeah, my ego was really in control when it came to that job, towards the end and letting go of an identity that I had held so close to my heart and within me for as long as I can remember.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Um, and I just want to make a note like that's a big checking that everyone should do.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Just because you consciously want something doesn't mean that your subconscious mind wants it to happen or that you are fully okay with letting go of an old identity.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, in this case, like maybe you have had a career and your identity was wrapped up in that for so long and while consciously you want something different, you're still going to lose a big part of you that you've known for so long and that in itself is enough to create some resistance around whatever else you're trying to do, and, of course, keep you in that position or in that area, because you've still got that piece of you that you've known and created and, yeah, it's been a part of you for so long.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: So losing an identity is a big reason why women see resistance when it comes to change, and it's one that we do forget to consider because, again, consciously, we're like no, no, no, this is definitely what I want.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: But deep down you're like, oh my God, that's kind of sad that I'm going to lose a part of me that I thought I wanted for so long, or that I created and built for so long.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Like I'm letting that go.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: So just a nice reminder for everyone.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: And then the third one was my relationship.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: So, again, like there were signs along the way I was getting these little nudges that the relationship had run its course, the universal contract had ended Someone told me that term once and I love that.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: But of course you know, eight years, leaving a relationship after eight years is uncomfortable.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: It requires shitty conversations, shitty situations and yeah, I just like put that off for probably longer than what I should have.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, a few lessons there in my own life and just a reminder to not stay comfortable for too long and be okay with change.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: And, as I said in lesson number one, know that if you trust the change that's about to unfold is going to be everything you want it to be, then it absolutely will be.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Lesson number three is design, and in my notes I have design in capital letters.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Design your life and use your twenties to throw everything at the wall.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Don't stay in the mold, even though it's easy.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: So again, we are all conditioned from childhood for life to look a certain way.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: That comes from our family, the community we grew up within, but then, of course, society in general.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: We are put into these molds.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Everyone's mold is different, but we're put into these molds and it's easier to stay in the mold because it goes with the conditioning.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: Everyone in your community accepts it, they cheer it on because it's familiar, they understand it and, yeah, it's comfortable to be in the mold.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: But I don't want anyone who listens to this podcast and who's in my world to stay in the mold just because it seems easy.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Design your life, look beyond the mold, open your eyes up to what's possible for you and know that anything is.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: There is no such thing as realistic.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: And you guys know my favorite phrase is we're here to defy odds.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Defying odds means doing it when it doesn't make sense, creating it when everyone thought you wouldn't, stepping outside that mold when it was actually easy to stay in the mold and making your life everything you want it to be.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: So to do that, to design your life and make it everything you want it to be, you need to try things, throw things at the wall and find what you love.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: And I know I said use your twenties to throw everything at the wall.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: But you can throw everything at the wall at any phase in your life.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: You are never too old to try something new.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: You are never too old to be someone different.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: And the more okay we get with being a creator and a designer, as opposed to living on autopilot, the more fulfilled and aligned everybody will be.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: So try it all.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: If you don't like it, okay, you don't like it.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Try it all.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: If you don't like it, okay, you don't like it.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: If you are one week in or one month in or a couple of years in, you decide it's not for you, no worries at all.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I'm sure there's so many things you've learned.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: That's never a failure If you do something and you, yeah, like, if it's not for you, like you can, you can try something different.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: You're never locked into anything and I think we need to talk about that a little bit more Like you're never stuck, you never have to stay, you never have to continue anything, you can change at any point in your life.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: And the cool thing is, we live in a world with so much possibility, so much possibility.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, you get to be adventurous and you get to, yeah, try on different identities, try on different lives, and if it doesn't sit well with you, you get to do it all over again.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: That's not irresponsible.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: That is squeezing the most out of what is already available to us within this universe as human beings.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: So, while I did say, use your twenties to to throw everything at the wall, use your life to throw everything at the wall.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: Try new things, be someone different, jump in the deep end.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: Even though it's unpredictable and you've got no idea the depth of it, just do it anyway and trust that it will always work out for you.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Um, and a big, I guess, a lesson in that lesson um, where, which, which I learned um is yeah, try everything in your twenties, but when you get to your thirties that's not cut off.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: So there was parts in my twenties where I had put this ticking time bomb on myself that I had to have it all sorted, all figured out.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: I had to try everything and find what I wanted all before I was 30, because when I was 30, I had to get married and have babies and live in a house and my life was over.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: And so many times in the more recent years, like probably since I was about 28, I've been like Jess, you get to move that.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Well, I was going to say you get to move that deadline, but there is no deadline.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Again, the mold and the way we get conditioned is you've got to figure it all out in your twenties, because by 30, you've got to have your head screwed on.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: You've got to own a house, you've got to know what you want to do for work, you've got to be with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you've got to have your friends and you've got to be ready to make babies or not, or you know what I mean.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Like you've got to be ready, you've got to be done, but that is a load of bullshit.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: That is such a load of bullshit and I'm glad I'm finally realizing that that we get to push deadlines out, we get to remove deadlines and there is no cutoff to throwing everything at the wall, trying on new identities, doing something different.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Like there is no deadline to having this life figured out.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: And if you do have your life figured out, then that means you're getting comfortable, that means you've stopped being creative, that means you've stopped being the designer of your life.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: So, finally, thank God, I'm okay about I mean, right now.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: I feel very proud about where I'm at in my life.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: I have an incredible business that honestly ticks all of my boxes in terms of my dream career.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: I have found the person that I will spend the rest of my life with.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: I have incredible friends.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: I live by the beach, which has always been a dream.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: But in saying that, there is still so much that I haven't done that I thought I would have done, but I'm now okay about that.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: Like who actually cares?
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Buying a house is one of them.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: I come from a family where it's like cool, you have a business and you moved from your hometown all by yourself, but like have you bought a house?
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: And that I struggled with that for a long time.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: There have been times where I did not have the money to buy a house.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: There's been other times where I probably could have saved for a house, but the idea of buying a house just hadn't not sat well with me.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: I wanted to spend my money on traveling.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: I wanted to spend my money on traveling.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: I wanted to spend my money on plastic surgery.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: I wanted to throw money into this business that I had no idea would take off and again, like I would carry that shame and that weight of like, yeah, but you don't own a house.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Finally, I've let that go Like we will buy a house.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: When we buy a house and when we do, it's going to be incredible and beautiful and it's going to be the dream house.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: But when that happens, it happens Same with having kids.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: I'm sure if you're around my age, you have this little thing going on in the back of your mind that you have to start having babies by your thirties, otherwise you're going to be barren and you never will.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: But I was talking to Natasha Godfrey is her name.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: She's a naturopath and she often does sessions in my mastermind and also on my podcast, and she's like, no, like you know what I mean.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: Like, jess, if you're healthy, if your cycle's regular, if your partner's healthy, you've got until like you're 35 and I'm like, okay, well, why are we not hearing this more often?
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: You know us girls in our 30ies who are freaking out that we don't have kids and we don't want kids yet need to know that more often.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: Of course, like I'm not here to give you medical advice, like I'm sure you go talk to your doctor about where you're at, but me personally, I'm like, okay, like I'm not going to just have a baby for the sake of having a baby.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: You know it'll happen when it happens.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: Um, and just removing that pressure from myself in the last couple of years has been an absolute game changer.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: So remove the pressures.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: This is your life.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: You get to design it and live it.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: However the hell you want and however that is for you is perfect.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: Um, and then the fourth lesson.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: I was going to say the last lesson, but no, we still have two left.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Fourth lesson is don't be afraid of change and take more risks going in choosing the best case scenario.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: So I've kind of mentioned this one throughout our five lessons, but jump into the deep end, even if you have no idea how it's going to pan out for you, but trust that it will work out Again.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Our brains are wired to seek out the worst case scenario and the what if this falls to shit, because your brain's job is to scan your reality for any threats and make sure you're safe from those threats.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Now, back in the historical times, the threat was literally a tiger about to eat you.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Your brain still thinks you're in those times.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: Now, what is a threat?
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: So many threats, but change is a threat according to your brain.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: So if it can sense that you're about to do something you've never done, be someone you've never been, the alarm bells go off and it's like, no, no, no, I'm going to pull you back.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: And that looks like self-sabotage, that looks like resistance, that looks like making sure you stay put so the change doesn't happen, so that your brain's like, oh, okay, we're back to what we know.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: Therefore, it's safe.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: But I want you to challenge your brain's inclination to do that and you guys can retrain your brain to be okay with change.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: But to do that, you need to act in spite of fear.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: You need to act in spite of discomfort, and you need to create the new hardware in your brain to be a brain that trusts that you'll get the best case scenario, not fears for the worst case scenario.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: So don't be afraid of change and whenever you choose to do something different, be something different.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Go for a goal, move to a city, date that guy, start that new business, do whatever.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: Do so, choosing your best case scenario.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: And, of course, that requires you to literally get out your journal and go okay, I'm about to do X, y and Z and this is the outcome that I would like from this.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Doing that before you go into it will set you up for that narrative to play out.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: Watch how many times you will go to do something in your life and then your brain immediately goes that's not going to work, that's going to fail, they're going to laugh at you, they'll judge you, that won't work out, and then you stay still.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: So, to avoid that or change that pattern, get really good at detailing what your best case scenario is like, scripting it out in your journal.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: This is the best case scenario that I want from this situation and then go into whatever you want to do, choosing that best case scenario, not the worst case scenario, choosing and trusting that you get what you want, or better, not that everything falls to shit and you live in this place of fear and worst case scenarios.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: The two narratives exist just as much as the other best case and worst case.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: The worst case the outcome isn't predetermined.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: There's no one sitting up in the ether saying when you do this, it's going to not work out for you or it's going to end up being a really bad situation for you.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: That does not exist.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: The only reason situations play out the way that they do is because, whether consciously or subconsciously, you chose that by thinking it was going to happen, feeling like it was going to happen, showing up like it was going to happen, and then it happens.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Then we're like see, I told you we're all doomed.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: This world is so hard on us Like life sucks, life's so hard Like blah, blah, blah, but it's like no, like you literally created that situation because, from the get go, while you're like no, no, no, I really want to be successful and make money and I want this relationship to work out, and I want this move to work out and I want it to be rosy.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Deep down, you're actually choosing the worst case scenario and that's why it plays out for you.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: So, in anything in your life, as soon as you decide on something, get out your journal and script what's the best case scenario.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: If you could pick the ideal outcome here, what would that look like?
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: Outcome here, what would that look like?
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: And then go into it, choosing only that narrative, watch your life be full of opportunities, synchronicities, good days, ease, effortless things showing up for you, because that's what you choose.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: And just know that it will always work out for you.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: And, like I said at the start, things are meant to be good.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: The universe actually wants you to have all of the abundance, all of the happiness, all of the wealth, all of the success, all of the love, all of the joy.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: And if that's not happening for you, it's simply because you're thinking and feeling like something else is going to happen.
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: So, again, if we can start to really rewire our brains to choose the best case scenario, trust that it will always work out.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: If not better, then I promise you it will.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: Lesson number five age helps.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: If you don't have it figured out, keep asking the first question and give it time.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: I was 28 before I knew myself in terms of how I wanted to show up in my business and my career, how I wanted to be in my relationships, my friendships, how I wanted to show up on social media, what I was available for and who I was prepared to exchange my energy with.
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: I was 28 before I figured all of that stuff out, so I guess this is more for those who are younger.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: Age will help.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: Maturity does help and I used to hate when I was younger and people would say once you grow up, it will get easier.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: Maturity, you've just got to mature.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: Dah, dah, dah.
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: You're like, no, I will figure it out now.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: But I promise you maturity does help because you're throwing everything at the wall.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: You're trying on identities.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: You're trying on showing up in a relationship like that, being available for that, being a friend like that.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: You know you try it all and you figure out that feels good, that doesn't.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: I hated who I was in that situation.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: I loved that version of me and eventually it just all comes together.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: You also stop being available for anything that isn't in alignment with who you're supposed to be and I know that sounds a little bit fluffy, but it will make sense to you one day.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Again, if you're like in your early twenties and you're still trying to figure out who you want to be, you know you're being available for things that don't make you feel good.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: You know you're showing up in social media in a way where you just feel like a twat.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: You know you're doing things in business where you're just like what the fuck am I doing?
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: But I promise, just keep going and you will eventually figure it out.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: As long as you are okay about change, as long as you're always checking in and being like is this who I want to be?
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: Am I living in alignment right now and just constantly checking in and not living on autopilot?
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: It's up to us to turn the autopilot function off.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: We consciously need to do it Again.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: Your subconscious, which is 90% of who you are, is an autopilot function.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: So unless you're living from this conscious intention, consciously turning that autopilot function off, you will remain on it.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: So that responsibility is with us.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: But yeah, you'll figure it out.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: I promise you'll figure it out and, as I said, I honestly was 28 before I really felt like I was the woman that I wanted to be.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: So give it time, age helps, maturity does help and eventually, I promise, if you're feeling in this, if you're in a place where you feel lost, you haven't quite found your direction or your purpose you know your friends, aren't it?
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: You're dating a guy that you're like I can't see my life with you, and you're just in this like where am I at?
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: Zone, like none of it's falling into place.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Um, yeah, just trust that you will eventually get to a place where you're like, oh, my god, this is it.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: I'm who I want to be.
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: I've, I'm in a lot in a place in my life that I love.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: Um, and, of course, like, we'll keep growing and evolving and I'm sure when I'm 40, when I'm 40, I'll look back at me in my thirties and be like, no, you didn't know it, but you actually still had a lot of growing to do.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: You were still being available for things that you aren't now.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: Like, of course that's going to happen.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: But, yeah, for those who are navigating your twenties and you're trying to have it all figured out and it just doesn't really feel fully aligned yet, like it will one day, I promise you, I promise you that.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: So, anyways, that that is my five lessons from my twenties.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: I can't believe I'm in my thirties.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: It's crazy, I don't feel 30.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: Everyone that I talked to was like yeah, no, that's makes sense.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Um, but, as I said, very proud to wrap up that decade of my life and step into this next chapter, of course.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: So, so, so grateful that I'm wrapping up my twenties with all of you and heading into my thirties with all of you, and I can't wait to continue to bring you guys on the ride of this next decade of my life.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: Let me know if you enjoyed that episode In terms of what I have coming up for you.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: There is a lot of episodes coming your way around, manifesting your dream life, transforming your life in 30 days, creating some really supportive morning and evening routines.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: The vibe with the podcast over the next couple of months is really just.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: We are almost halfway through the year.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: How are we feeling?
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: Are we on track with our goals?
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: And if not, let's do something about it.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: Let's upgrade our vibration, let's realign our goals and let's make sure the rest of this year is what we wanted it to be and we set those goals at the start of the year.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: So, like all encompassing episodes no longer just for those in business, but for the woman, ready for more, ready for her next level, ready to tap into her full potential, and I can't wait to help you all do that.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Just quickly, before we do wrap this up, the Academy, which is my life transformation program, is opening again on the 5th of July.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: I'm also running a free event to celebrate the launch of another round in the week before that.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: So the 2nd of July, recalibrate is back.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: If you're familiar with that, you know it was a crowd favorite last year.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: We're doing things a a crowd favorite last year.
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: We're doing things a little bit different this year, as I said, there will be a focus on upgrading your energy and your subconscious mind so that you are a match for the things that you set out to achieve in 2024.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I'm going to really help you pull all of those things into your life.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: And then doors will be opening for the final time this year into the Academy, which is honestly the school of mindset manifestation, transforming your entire life.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: And I want to underline and bold the word entire, because we don't just focus on business and money, we focus on everything in your life so that you are fully abundant and aligned.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: So keep your eyes peeled on my social media for all of those dates.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're on the email list to be kept up to date as well.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: The podcast, you know just staying plugged in and you will not miss a beat.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: But as for today's episode, let's leave it there.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for you and I appreciate you tuning in and I'll talk to you next week.