Latest / Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy / 431 | What Do You Do When a Child Says 'I'm Bored' in the Playroom?

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431 | What Do You Do When a Child Says 'I'm Bored' in the Playroom? · Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy

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  You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
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  Brenna Hicks,
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  your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr.
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  Brenna Hicks,
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  The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
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  a master class in child-centered play therapy
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  and practical support and application for your
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  work with children and their families.
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  In today's episode,
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  I am answering a question from Amelia in California,
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  and
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  this is about a client saying that they are bored.
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  And so this is gonna be a really helpful episode.
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  Thank you,
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  Amelia.
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  I'm glad to
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  address this.
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  Before I do that,
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  I wanna quickly tell y'all,
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  my team and I had a little meeting yesterday.
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  So,
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  that's the housekeeping announcement for the day.
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  All right.
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  So,
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  let me read parts of Amelia's email and then we'll dive in together.
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  I have more than one client that the theme of being bored comes up.
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  I try to have varied playroom
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  and include as many things from the checklist as I can,
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  but somehow this comment leaves me feeling inadequate.
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  Should I be doing more?
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  This could be followed by a question from the child like,
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  Don't you ever change things in here or get new toys,
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  which then leaves me feeling the need to explain my work.
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  And that I will always try and keep the playroom the same each time.
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  I always validate the child and reflect their feeling of boredom,
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  but I wonder if there's something meaningful in this
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  that I'm missing and would greatly appreciate any insight.
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  OK.
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  So,
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  let's
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  start
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  unpacking this because there's a lot here.
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  All right.
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  When a child says something in the playroom,
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  let's start with that.
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  And,
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  and yes,
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  in your case,
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  Amelia,
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  it says,
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  I'm bored,
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  but
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  when a kid says anything in the playroom,
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  there's meaning behind it.
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  Kids are not verbal beings.
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  They do not think they experience.
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  So if a child says something,
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  now let me be clear,
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  narration of play,
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  I'm not talking about that.
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  Oh,
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  this guy's going here and now I'm gonna jump rope and that's not what I mean.
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  I'm saying
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  when a child makes statements such as I'm bored.
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  Any statement
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  that is introduced
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  that is not related to the play,
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  we know
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  there's more to the story.
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  And so when a child says I'm bored.
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  That's meaningful.
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  It's significant.
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  It is relevant to their work.
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  A kid saying they're bored can mean a lot of things,
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  but with all of those options,
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  it's their junk.
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  So it can be anxiety,
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  it can be resistance,
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  it can be avoidance,
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  it can be
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  concern for choosing.
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  It can be,
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  I've never been in charge my whole life and I don't know what to do.
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  It can be,
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  I mean,
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  there are literally all kinds of reasons a child can say that they're bored.
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  Power and control even.
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  So,
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  when a child says I'm bored,
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  it has nothing to do with you,
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  Amelia.
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  It has nothing to do with your playroom,
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  has nothing to do with whether you have new toys or you don't.
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  This is the child's way
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  of communicating
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  they're uncomfortable.
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  So we have to be very aware
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  of
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  the intent behind a statement like that.
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  A child doesn't really know that they're resisting their work.
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  So what can they say that communicates,
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  I don't want to do anything?
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  I'm bored.
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  I don't know what to do.
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  I don't even know what I should play with in here.
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  Don't you ever get new toys?
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  OK,
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  so you can see how this all goes together.
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  So we're going to start with
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  what they say matters.
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  Now we're going to go through you saying I try to have a
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  varied playroom and include as many things from the checklist as I can.
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  If
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  you have 3 categories of toys represented.
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  And there are enough toys from every category.
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  And they're laid out with intention
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  and you keep the playroom consistent.
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  That is child-centered play therapy.
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  So if you've done those things,
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  you never need to feel inadequate or second-guess yourself
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  because you have provided the environment in which the child
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  can grow.
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  Whether they can't right now
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  or choose not to right now.
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  That's just part of their junk.
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  That has nothing to do with the environment.
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  And so when the child says,
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  don't you ever change things in here or get new toys,
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  when you say it leaves me feeling the need to explain my work.
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  Ah,
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  you got bamboozled.
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  OK.
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  Happens to the best of us,
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  I know.
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  OK.
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  So,
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  when a child says something
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  that makes us wanna start explaining or
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  justifying or rationalizing or excusing or apologizing or
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  any of those
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  active verbs.
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  We know that we're now drifting away from CCPT
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  because let's go back to one of our premises,
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  we don't know anything that the child doesn't know.
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  So the child
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  doesn't know that we keep the playroom the same each time they experience that.
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  And we don't need to tell them that.
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  We don't need to justify anything.
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  So what we would want to do there is reflect a feeling or reflect content.
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  Oh,
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  you wish that I would get new toys sometimes.
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  That would be the feeling
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  or
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  Mm.
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  You don't like that things are the same every single week.
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  Or
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  that would be kind of like a narrative commentary,
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  or
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  we could just truly
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  reflect content.
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  Uh,
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  you're curious if
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  things change or if there's anything new.
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  And we're not giving an answer.
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  Because
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  the child's not actually asking for an answer.
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  This is the child's junk,
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  and this is their stuff coming up.
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  And so we
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  use a reflective response
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  because
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  that's the way that the child feels seen,
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  heard,
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  and understood.
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  But we don't need to provide an answer.
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  Now,
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  if the child persists,
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  you know,
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  more than 3 times of asking the same question,
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  Which I doubt unless it's a power and control kid.
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  I doubt that
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  they would pursue that more than 3 times.
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  But if you have a power and control kid,
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  possibly.
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  So then you say,
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  You really wish that there were new things in here,
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  but
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  The playroom is the playroom.
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  So then you give a concrete fact.
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  It's not an answer to the question.
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  It's not an answer to the question.
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  But you're giving a concrete fact because if you just say,
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  oh,
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  you really wish,
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  or you're curious or you're hoping,
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  or
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  you don't like.
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  Sometimes that feels like a non-answer answer to a child.
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  And so they're going to want more.
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  So when you give them a concrete statement of fact,
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  like,
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  Well,
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  The playroom usually stays the same.
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  Or
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  the playroom's the playroom,
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  or
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  the toys that are in here are for you to use.
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  Then the child realizes,
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  OK,
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  there's really nowhere else for me to go with this.
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  And what that's helping them to do
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  is sit in the pocket of their discomfort.
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  And you're gonna sit in the pocket with them.
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  And they have to figure out how to get themselves out of it.
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  So we never have to feel compelled
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  to do anything because of anything that a child says.
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  And you said that you validate and reflect,
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  so that's exactly how you're going to handle that,
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  Amelia.
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  And
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  is there something meaningful that I'm missing?
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  I think the fact that this is a standard behavior,
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  just like all the other behaviors.
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  We have kids that come in and throw things.
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  We have kids that come in and do not talk.
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  We have kids that stay in the lobby instead of coming back to the playroom.
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  We have kids that come in and
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  room wreck or mess make in our playroom.
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  We have kids that say they're bored.
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  You,
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  you have to think about behaviors.
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  First of all,
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  there's only so many of them,
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  but you have to think about behaviors as standard.
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  This is just like
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  all the other behaviors that I experience.
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  Because anytime we take it personally,
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  that's actually one of the things I was
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  talking about in coaching this week.
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  If we take anything personally,
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  We're going to get ourselves in trouble.
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  We have to let everything go.
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  That's the neutrality of being child-centered
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  play therapy.
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  We don't take anything personally.
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  We know it's not about us.
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  And so
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  If a kid says they're bored,
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  it's not because you failed.
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  It's not because you failed.
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  It's not because the playroom is not what it should be.
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  It's not because you did a disservice to that child.
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  That's their junk,
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  just like when they come in and they beat the crap out of Bobo,
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  or when they throw things at you,
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  or they lay on the floor and cry for the whole 50 minutes,
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  or they beg to leave early.
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  I mean,
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  the list goes on and on.
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  These are the common behaviors that we see.
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  Saying that they're bored,
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  common behavior.
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  So when we get to a point where we can see it neutrally for what it is,
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  it helps us be very adherent to the model.
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  So,
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  Amelia,
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  thank you so much for the question.
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  I hope that that is helpful for all of you
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  because inevitably,
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  you do this long enough,
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  you will have a kid that tells you they're bored.
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  So,
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  we need to know the easiest way to handle that.
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  So,
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  I appreciate the question.
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  If the rest of y'all want to reach out,
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  please do.
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  brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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  You know how much I love you.
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  We'll talk again soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
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  Brenna Hicks.
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  For more episodes and resources,
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  please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.