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[WW] Invest: Building Relationships · The Wesley Word

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wesley World.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever received some advice that you wish you would have taken?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: I know for me, I remember being in high school.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was a junior at the time in pre-calculus, and my friends said, Don't lie on the board.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do it.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I did.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I wrote a long thing of things I shouldn't have written.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'll try and be funny to my teacher.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: They were telling me no, because I picked up the permanent Shoppy instead of the dry erase board.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: I wish I'd listened to their advice, right?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well maybe uh maybe you took a uh significant other home to like grandma, right?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, I don't know about that guy.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know about that girl.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you should watch out.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: And turns out grandma was right, right?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh one of your friends have tried to warn you about a friendship or relationship or something on those lines, and you wish you would have taken it.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was a mass guy, there was a big numbers person.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that I heard way back in early high school, um, I had some people that started talking to me about investing and about Roth IRAs and all this kind of stuff that some people blaze over, but I was like, tell me more.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: This is cool.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then we would shift things, right?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, hey, if you just invest a few more dollars a month from the time that you're 18 or 21, as soon as you got to school, by the time you're uh get tired of retirement, you'll have like between one and two million dollars.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Easy peasy, do it.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, man, that's cool.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: I wish I'd have done that every time when I got that advice, right?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if we'd have done that early on, right, we would be sitting pretty, pretty nice right now.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, enjoying that did take some of that advice.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: We did some early on, but then we did things like go to grad school, have kids, all that kind of stuff, and some of that got delayed a little bit.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: But there's something cool about this idea of investing in this compound interest that happens.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I wish that I would have spent some more time doing that.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, oh, Steve, not here for math class, right?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: We'll talk a little about investing, but we're talking about tonight about building relationships.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's a two-week series on relationships, and we're going general.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: We're not talking just romantic, we're not talking friendship, familiar, but just relationships in general.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: We all are interconnected and have some sort of relationship with people that we encounter.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so this week we're looking at what does it mean and how might we build healthy relationships and what are some things that help us to do that?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then next week, uh, I'm excited we're gonna do something on the on the opposite end.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: We'll talk about that in a second as as well.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but relationships are important.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And uh Harvard did a study, started in 1938.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: You've heard us or not.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, think they got their sophomore class back then, I think it was uh sophomore freshman class, and they followed.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's the longest study that England's ever done following a group of people throughout, right?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: And they they went back and they saw they followed them, and by the time they were 80, 80 years old, this class that they started following in 1938, what they realized was how important relationships was, not just to their emotional health, but to their physical health.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: And they began to find a direct correlation when they went back and studied when they were 50 years old, actually from 1938 to the time they were 50, right?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: They could draw a correlation to this, to the people that held satisfaction in their relationships, ended up being the healthiest people at 80 years old, right?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Physically healthy and emotionally healthy.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And the people that were very dissatisfied with all the relationships they were in at 50 find themselves in with more ailments and more health issues at at 80, right?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's in there is some correlation in your emotional and relational health tied to your physical health, right?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now, these weren't Clemson research, they were just Harvard researchers, but they're all right, right?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: So we can kind of believe them, right?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: The Harvard's a big deal.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so we can lean in and believe them that's right, relationships are a big deal.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I want you to hear tonight as we kind of talk about why and how we might pursue them in in healthy ways.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: So our research relationships are important.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I the text that was read tonight, um, Lawrence read the text, right?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Lauren read that?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, Aaron?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: My head was down.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: You prayed, you prayed.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: All right, Aaron read our text.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I heard someone talking about this years ago, and it was a different context than I've heard it.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I preached on this this past a few weeks ago at a different church.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we went a different direction with the sermon.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but if you think about the parable of the sower as Aaron read for us, right?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's first time you heard it, maybe you heard it in the past.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: But the sower grows out, it's just casting seed, right?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Casting seed, reckless abandon, casting seed.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it falls in the path and the birds scoop it up, right?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't get to take.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it grows that real quick in rocky soil, like on our hill out there, when the when something sprouts out, but then as soon as the sun comes or steve comes to round up, right?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: It withers away and dies.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the seeds fall on um like thorny soil with a lot of stuff choking it out, and they try to grow, but yet they have a hard time with that.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then sometimes, sometimes the soil is just right.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes conditions are perfect, and the seed hits the soil at the right time, and all of a sudden we see 30-fold, 60-fold, hundredfold growth there, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now, most of the times, and I think the the primary driver of this parable, and Jesus even explains that, is he's talking about God's word and how God's word hits our hearts, right?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: How sometimes we we soak it up quick, all right?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And um, all of a sudden that is like hi come out from Fall Retreat, which is the best ever.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it was incredible.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then something happens, we're like, oh man, I didn't really have my roots down, right?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and sometimes it hits us perfect.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, have this 30, 60, 90fold, 100fold type stuff.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's the main line.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: But one of the cool things about parables is that you can read multiple things in there, multiple layers in the parables.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And this win pastor one time, I'm borrowing this, can't claim on my own.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: He talked about, he said, What if we looked at this parable in terms of relationships?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, never heard it that way.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Do tell, right?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And he began to talk about um God's perspective and relationships, right?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: He talked about how God over and over and over casts seed and cast seed and cast seed.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And over and over and over again, God finds rejection and rejection and rejection.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: He casts seed on the hard, hard sidewalk.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: He casts seed amongst the rocks, he cast seed amongst the thorns, he casts seed on the fertile soil.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: But whether he is rejected by the sidewalk, rejected by the rocks, rejected by the weeds, finds life in the soil, God continues to sow seeds.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: And he continues to sow seeds in those, in all those areas, right?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: If I were God, I'm not, if I were God, I tend to focus my time on the stuff that I know is going to bear fruit.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: But God continues to sow seed, sow seed, sow seed, sow seed.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, this pastor one time, the question that he presented, he was like, if God is willing to continue to sow seed in areas right and be faced with rejection over and over and over and over again, why why don't we approach our relationships with that same attitude?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we I feel like we we cast a seed, we try to put ourselves out there a little bit to make friends or build relationships, and we get burned one time.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Nope, never again.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Never again.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm not saying, I'm not saying like to continue to cast seeds in the same spot, like the same person, same person, same person.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Eventually, right, you got to kind of let up.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: And next week, what I'm excited about, right, is we're actually gonna talk about talking about investing.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna talk about how do you cut your losses, right?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because almost every relationship you're in, whether it's friendship, romantic, all this stuff, at some point will end.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: And some of them are seasonal.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we give God grace for them, give God thanks for them, and gracefully exit?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna talk about that next week, right?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: With what you have at an exit relationship series, but we're gonna talk about that that next week, right?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: But relationships are good.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: How do we then pour into them?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: How do we go in and do this, right?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because they can bring us great benefits.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: I talked about um investing real quick for other people, right?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you were to put in like, let's say 500 a month, all this kind of stuff for about 40 years, you would get, at least we got that first number up there, you'd be in there somewhere, you've got sevenfold return, you get somewhere around 1.7 million.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Would anybody like to have 1.7 million?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I will I could do something with it, right?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe maybe buy it, maybe buy an extra linebacker or something.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think you go in and um, you know, sometimes maybe you get 30-fold, right?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you had 30-fold on your investment, that'd be 7.2 million.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: All right, now we're looking at maybe some offensive linemen to protect Tate, you know, who knows, right?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Or you go in 60-fold, right?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: And we end up with that 14.4.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Or you go in a hundredfold, right?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And you end up with 24 million, right?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Not an investment class, long investment class, but what I want us to look at tonight is and the big year is to think about when we think about our relationship building.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: We think about our friendships, we think about perhaps now or later our romantic friendships, when we think about our our families, think about people that we want to connect with and build relationships with.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: We have to invest the time and the energy in them if we want to see a return, right?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we hit the right people, the right friends, the right friend group, the right partner, the right, you know, we're gonna pick our family, but they're there, right?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: And things we invest in them, the soil is just right, and we find these exuberant returns that bless us abundantly.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the deal.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is one thing I learned earlier on in investing, I think it's the same way with friendships, right?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: The number one indicator about your return on investment is that you have to invest, right?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: You can't spend the sideline and be like, man, I'm gonna do a millionaire one day.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Man, one day, one day I'm gonna invest.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: One day, one day I'm having a portfolio like chef, right?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: One day, one day, one day, right?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta put it in.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: You the how you the money you put in that begins, your ROI.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't plant seed in relationships matter, right?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: So if you haven't picked that tonight, big thing, brought a broad thing about relationships tonight.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: Relationships are a good thing, but you have to invest in them, right?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: And why are they a good thing?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we as a people have been created, right?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Almost just use the scripture from Genesis where God says it's not good for people to be alone, right?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's not good for man to be alone.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: We see in the very early time, God creates one person, one human, is like, no, this ain't gonna cut it, right?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: They need to be together, right?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so from the earliest on of our creative being, we're created to love one another, to receive love and to give love, and we're created to belong, right?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Whether we want to admit it on our worst beliefs, we're feeling all crusty and like I don't need nobody.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: We all need somebody.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: We all want to be love, we all need to give love, we all need to belong.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it's important to be able to do that.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: And Britain Brown, she's my girl.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: You hear me talk about her a lot, you hear me talk about Rachel Held Evans a lot, um, Barbara Brown Taylor, Adam Hamilton, somebody else, my favorites.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: I can't remember his name, but uh I talked to her about her a lot, and she talks about the difference between belonging and fitting in, right?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: If we all have this need for belonging, sometimes we confuse that with fitting in.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: And she did some research, she's a sociologist, and she did some research.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and they actually asked middle schoolers, they said, yo, middle schoolers, help us out.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: What's the difference between belonging and fitting in?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I think they nailed it.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: They nailed it some answers, and we got them on the screen, I think.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: So you can you can read them there.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: One of them said, belonging is being somewhere you want to be, and they want you.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas fitting in is being somewhere you want to be, and they could care less or couldn't care less if you were there or not.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: You never felt that before, right?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: You want to be there, you're excited to be there, you look around the room, you feel the room, and you're like, man, I could leave this place forever, and they would never know I was here, right?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then you walk into a place, hopefully sometimes here, where they're like calling you by name and they're excited that you're here, they want you to be here.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: There's a difference that happens there, right?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Another medical schooler said this is that belonging is being accepted for you, and fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else, right?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Belonging is just being able to be who you are.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: And lastly, a third one says, if I get to be me, I belong.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: But if I have to be like you, then essentially you're making me fit in, right?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so our goal in relationships, our my goal here for Wesley, our goal for you in friendships, in dating relationships, is that you can be you.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can be fully you, the person that God created you to be.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't feel like you have to fit in, right?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: But with any relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship, family, any relationship you're a part of, trying to think, maybe with pet, I don't know.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but there's one major indicator, right, that will that helps us figure out if we're going to find uh love and belonging in these situations.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: There's one major indicator.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: There's some other ones, but there's one we're gonna focus on tonight.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody want to take a guess on what that might be?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Sweet.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Seeing none, I'm prepared.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you it is dude, this chair, I'm I'm praying this chair holds up right now, y'all.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: It is worthiness.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Worthiness is the number one indicator as to whether or not you will find belonging and love, right?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Steve, what are you talking about there, right?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um Brene talks about this, and I think we got one more quote.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's a quote now, y'all.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: She says, There we go.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving, right?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Worthiness is critical to our ability to love and belonging because oftentimes when we when we don't feel worthy, right, we have a hard time allowing ourselves to be loved.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: We have a hard time thinking that we have an opportunity to belong.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it sort of stands in our way of finding that connection, that love, and that belonging that we seek to be, right?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: And worthiness does not have any prerequisites, right?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think we talked about this a few weeks ago, this if-only thing, right?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be in in better shape to have friends or to date somebody, right?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be smarter, you don't have to be more clever, whatever the if-only may be, right?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Worthiness says that you are good enough for who you are and who God created you to be, right?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: The challenge is how do we find ourselves to be worthy now?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: How do we allow ourselves to take in that word from God that you are enough, that you have been created in God's image, right?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: That God in Christ has made you enough and you and you alone are worthy, right?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, again, that our worthiness also affects our love, right?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And there's two types of love that sometimes we end up with.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: There's a professing love and a practicing love.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: And our goal when we find ourselves and allow ourselves to feel worthy is that we experience and give a practicing love, right?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: A professing love.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: So that when you feel unworthy, that we get stuck in, right?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh maybe you're dating somebody, like, like, oh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: But all they do is sit on the couch and they're bum, right?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: That'll be anything, anything good, right?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, nothing going on, right?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's a professing love.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's all about the words that I say, right, and not the walk that I walk.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Our goal in relationships and in romantic and friendships and all that is to find a love and a belonging that is about practicing, that is about showing, that is indeed about action.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like somebody look at people, I'm like, how can you say that you love me if you're treating me so poorly?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody ever said that to themselves or thought about that or said that to a friend about someone else's friend or something like that, right?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: To feel worthy, to find belonging and to find love is to be treated well and to be loved well.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Move through.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: We all have a deep sense of desire to love and to belong.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: I hope that we're there.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: We're trying to find this idea of worthiness, but there's one other layer, one other layer that we'll get into and then we'll kind of wrap up tonight.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh our goal is to love and to belong.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Our worthiness sometimes uh holds us back.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's the number one indicator.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then one of the things, main things that gets in the way of our feeling uh worthy, one of the things that gets in the way oftentimes is one of Hannah's favorite words, shame.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Shame.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: I messed with Hannah.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta be on Spring Break last year.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: She's great, she's great.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hannah's not shame anyone intentionally.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but oftentimes shame gets in the way of us feeling worthy, right?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: And you'll look quote up here.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: This is how this is how a definition uh that Brene would say.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: She says shame uh it's the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging, right?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: And why we make a difference of shame and guilt, right?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Guilt says I did something wrong, shame says I am wrong, right?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: I am flawed.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: If you follow that, if you feel the sense of shame and that you're unworthy of love and belong, or um, yeah, unworthy of belonging, you're not gonna feel worthy of it, you're not gonna be able to find it.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna be able to demand it when you feel like you're in a relationship that's not good.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't feel worthy, if you feel all the shame, you're not gonna be able to speak up for yourself and say, hey friend, this isn't how friendship should be.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: I demand more, I demand to be respected, to be loved, to be treated equally, whatever that may look like.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so shame stands in our way.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so our goal is how do we get past that?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: How do you get past that?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: She talks about this idea of shame resilience, and she gives this little one-on-one course, right?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, well, as well, no, we all have it.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're all full of shame.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, we're getting there almost, at least it's on top of it, y'all.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um actually, we're gonna go right there, right?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: How do we become shame resilient?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: We'll move this along.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: We'll move it along, right?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, name it, right?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Name your shame, right?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um you gotta be able to talk about what's going on, right?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and not just your own shame was happening, be able to recognize when messages happen and when people are speaking about others, right, that make you feel shameful.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's not something you put on yourself, but others are putting you down, helping you feel ashamed, right?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe we speak up to put a word of hope that's in there, but we gotta name it, right?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Second thing you gotta do is you gotta talk about it, right?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta talk about not out in the open.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like don't go on on College Avenue and be like, shame, shame, this is where I'm at, right?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but and we're not gonna ask you to raise your hands here and go around the circle, right?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Unless the spirit moves, but I don't think it's right there tonight, right?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: But find people that you trust.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: Find someone that you trust and be able to have a conversation and say, hey, this is why I'm feeling some shame.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm feeling like I'm unwood in this area.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: Am I crazy?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's going on here?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: And find someone that can speak life into you and talk about it and to begin to wrestle with it and work through it.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: The third thing, so we're gonna name it, we're gonna talk about it.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Own your own story.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: Own your own story.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: As you're in college, oftentimes people are like, hey, what tell me something about yourself, right?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: Please beyond just major and where you're from in hometown.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: One of the glorious things about college is everybody's in the same spot and you get to share your own story.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: A big part of shame begins to creep into our lives.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it happens little by little, right?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: You begin to think that our own story is not worth sharing.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: No one wants to hear about the real me.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: No one wants to truly know me.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: And we allow these voices to begin to play in our head when really people around you are like, I want to know you.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: And you're cool, I want to hear more.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: So begin to own your story, be able to speak that out so folks can again know that, right?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: And once you own it, once everybody's articulate it, tell your story, right?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Tell your story to others.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Now, again, you don't need to tell everybody all your business.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that, don't please don't do that, right?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because honestly, not everyone's worthy of knowing all your business, right?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but find one person.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Two people.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you can find one person in this world that you can truly tell your own story to and be fully you, I think you are blessed beyond measure, right?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Find those people that allow you to be truly you, that allow you to belong, that allow you to tell your story and own your story and can help you correct you and say, Hey, I think you're getting off the tracks here.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, don't let those intrusive thoughts win, come back over here.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you'll find yourself bearing that 30 times, 60 times, 100 times fruit, right?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, dang, Steve, this is really nice.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for the big uplifting message tonight.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I want you to know my story, right?
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: I went to grad school, I went to seminary for three years, right?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: And for two years, I had one friend.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I was married to Julie.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: I had two friends, right?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: But she had to be my friend because we were married to each other, right?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: I had one friend for the first two years of my seminary time in Atlanta.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know why I had one friend in my two years there?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because my inner voice kept saying, if you talk to them, they're gonna find out that you're a fraud.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: If you talk to them, they're gonna find out that you don't know every theological thing known to humankind, right?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like I had maybe imposter syndrome, and I was so afraid to let people in that they might discover that I don't have all the answers here at seminary or in grad school that I only spoke to one friend who got me and allowed me to be me.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: I shared this conversation with this one friend two years into it, right?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: At a Panera Blood, right there by Canvas, right?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: I believe his pathetic words were something like, Steve, you're stupid, right?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Or Steve, you're dumb, right?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, you think any of us have it figured out?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: You think any of us came in here knowing all the vocabulary, all the stuff, all the like, what are you talking about, dude?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I guess you're right.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, right?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, he's like, get over it, man.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: People want to know you, they want to be your friend.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think I had third of you, I had like six friends, right?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was crazy, right?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: It was like 60 times, right?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was incredible.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I say that because my own shame, my own enough feelings of worthiness or lack thereof kept me from enjoying a time, a gift that God had given me for three years, have great conversations and engage because I couldn't get past myself and think that I was worthy enough.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: My friends, I believe that relationships are worthy of your time.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: They are worthy of your investment.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: And when done right, and when done well, and when you share your stories, and when you listen to others' stories and you walk with and for each other, we begin to bear incredible fruit that 30 times, 60 times, a hundredfold that Jesus talks about in the parable there.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: But it's hard work, it's hard work, it takes trial and error.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: If you invest in the stock market, sometimes things are up and sometimes things are down, and you have to decide is this thing worth riding through the ups and downs?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes it is.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you got to cut your losses because it's not a great one.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: But overall, relationships are where it's at.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: They are worth investing, they are worth your time, and they'll be worthwhile.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Next week, next week we're gonna talk about how how may we um again, big five relationships, but sometimes, again, sometimes we get to a point where we got cut out of losses and we say this friendship is just turned too toxic.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, this boyfriend, this girlfriend, this was a great ride, but yeah, this ain't it, right?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so how might we do so in a grace-filled way, in a healthy way?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: If you're interested in that, I invite you to come back next week as we talk about invest, but cut your losses.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Let's pray.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: Hell and gracious God, we thank you for this day and for this time.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I pray that we might all find the love and belonging that we crave, whether we want to admit it or not.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: God, the voices in our heads sometimes tell us that we're unworthy.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: The voices in our heads tell us sometimes that we should feel ashamed.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: I pray, Oh God, that as loud as that voice in our head may be, I pray that your voice in our heart might be louder.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that with resolution and with boldness, we might hear you proclaiming that we are enough because we are a child of yours.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: But help us to not just hear that, but to know that deep within our souls.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Help us to live that as we live into our relationships and help to speak truth and love and light to others whom we encounter.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because God, we confess that we can't do it without you, that we're grateful for you.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Continue to shape us, continue to mold us, continue to inspire us, and may we always be reminded that we are forever and always a beloved child of yours.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: That we love you and praise you.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, this is in Christ's holy name.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Wesley Word is a production of the Clemson Wesley Foundation.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: For more information about Clemson Wesley, check out our website or follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, get out there and love your neighbor.