Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / How the Feedback Sandwich Hurts Women Careers
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to talk about something that sounds like a helpful management technique, but research shows it actually hurts women's careers more than it helps. Luna: I have a feeling you mean the feedback sandwich. The old 'compliment, criticism, compliment' structure. Lucas: Exactly. And I know it's taught in management training everywhere. But a 2023 study from the University of Texas looked at performance reviews across two large tech companies — thousands of reviews — and found something striking. Luna: What did they find? Lucas: Women who received feedback in the sandwich structure were 34 percent less likely to be promoted in the following two years. For men, the sandwich had no significant effect on promotion rates. Luna: That's a huge gap. So the same delivery method penalizes women but not men? Lucas: Right. The researchers theorized that the sandwich dilutes criticism for women — managers soften the message, and women internalize the positive parts, missing the developmental feedback they need to advance. Meanwhile, men get the criticism straight, even if it's wrapped in praise. Luna: So it's a double bind. Women get sugarcoated feedback and then don't improve on the things that matter for promotion. But if managers give direct criticism, women risk being seen as abrasive or difficult. Lucas: That's exactly the bind. And it's not just about promotion. The study also found that women who received sandwich-style feedback had lower performance ratings in subsequent reviews. The feedback wasn't actually landing. Luna: So the sandwich is failing its core purpose. It's supposed to make criticism more palatable, but it ends up being less effective for half the workforce. Lucas: And the irony is, managers often use the sandwich because they're afraid of being perceived as harsh — especially with women. They're trying to be kind, but they're inadvertently denying women the clear, actionable feedback that drives growth. Luna: I've definitely been on the receiving end of the sandwich. You walk out of a review thinking, 'Great, they really liked my project plan,' and then six months later you're passed over for a lead role because of something that was never clearly flagged. Lucas: Right. The compliments create a kind of noise that masks the signal. And if you're someone who's socialized to be agreeable, you're more likely to focus on the praise and miss the critique. Luna: So what's the alternative? How do you give honest feedback without being a jerk? Lucas: A few things. One, separate praise from criticism entirely. Have a different conversation for positive feedback. Two, be specific and behavioral. Instead of 'You could be more assertive,' say 'In the team meeting yesterday, you deferred to Dan three times on points you knew. Next time, state your position first.' Luna: That's concrete. You know exactly what to do differently. Lucas: And three, ask the receiver how they want to receive feedback. Some people prefer directness. Some want a heads-up. But the default shouldn't be the sandwich, especially for women. Luna: It's also on us, as women, to recognize the sandwich in real time and ask for clarity. Like, 'Thank you for the positive feedback. Can you also tell me one thing I could improve on?' Lucas: That's a great script. It forces the manager to be direct. And if they still hedge, you can say, 'I really want to grow in this role, so I'd appreciate specific examples of where I can do better.' Luna: It takes practice. But it's a skill we can develop. Lucas: One more point from the research: managers who used the sandwich with women tended to give less actionable feedback overall. They used vaguer language. So part of the fix is training managers to be behaviorally specific, regardless of the employee's gender. Luna: And that's something organizations can address. But on an individual level, what can a woman do if she suspects she's getting sandwich feedback? Lucas: Keep a running list of the criticism you receive. If it's buried between compliments, extract it and track it yourself. Over time, look for patterns. Then schedule a follow-up with your manager and say, 'I've been working on the feedback from our last review. Can we check in on that specifically?' Luna: That shows you're proactive and takes ownership. Managers usually respond well to that. Lucas: And it subtly signals that you value the criticism, not just the praise. That can shift how they communicate with you going forward. Luna: You know, this reminds me of something. If we've helped you think through a career move or how to handle a tough feedback conversation, listener support is what keeps this show ad-free and independent. It's a small way to help us keep having these conversations. Lucas: Yeah, if you find value in episodes like this, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, but it does make a real difference. Luna: Okay, back to the feedback sandwich. I think one of the most powerful things we can do is share this research with our managers. A lot of them don't realize the impact. Lucas: Absolutely. And for women listening, next time you're in a performance review and you hear a compliment followed by a 'but,' pay attention. That 'but' might be the most important thing you hear. Luna: And then ask for more. Don't let it slide. Lucas: Because the goal isn't to feel good in the moment. It's to get better and advance. And that requires honest, direct feedback.