Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #973 Hooray for Holidays!

Transcript

#973 Hooray for Holidays! · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers.
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Speaker 2: Now.
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Speaker 3: I feel as though today it's going to be a
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Speaker 3: bit of a Hallelujah kind of day. Hallelujah because for
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Speaker 3: the first time ever, I've got an I'd Do Better
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Speaker 3: Tomorrow that I am just so pumped to share. This
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Speaker 3: is doctor Justin Colson. I'm the founder of Happy Families
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Speaker 3: dot com dot you, and the author of a whole
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Speaker 3: bunch of books about how to make your family happy.
0:30
Speaker 3: I'm here with my wife Mum, to our six daughters,
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Speaker 3: missus Happy Families, Kylie. Today it's I'll Do Better Tomorrow.
0:37
Speaker 3: It's where we introspect to talk about what's gone well
0:39
Speaker 3: and what hasn't so that we can well hopefully be
0:42
Speaker 3: better parents tomorrow. Before we dive into it, though, we
0:45
Speaker 3: received a voicemail from Happy Families dot com dot you.
0:49
Speaker 3: Our system is so easy to use. You literally just
0:52
Speaker 3: go to happy Families dot com dot you, click on
0:54
Speaker 3: the podcast link, press the button, and start talking. It
0:57
Speaker 3: records it, just like Kayla did when she reported back
1:01
Speaker 3: to us on this.
1:03
Speaker 2: High Happy Families. I'm Kayla, and I just want to
1:06
Speaker 2: say thank you for your recent episode on kids and
1:08
Speaker 2: reading books. I have an eight year old son who
1:11
Speaker 2: recently decided reading sucked. He is a good reader, but
1:14
Speaker 2: nighttime reading had become such a chore and my efforts
1:17
Speaker 2: to encourage him to explore reading short chapter books was futile.
1:21
Speaker 2: He came home one day from school with a Scholastic
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Speaker 2: book magazine and asked iff i'd purchase him a book
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Speaker 2: set called dog Man. While we couldn't buy the set,
1:29
Speaker 2: I said, let's go to the library and borrow them.
1:31
Speaker 2: So we went to the library and when we found
1:33
Speaker 2: the book, he opened it with the biggest smile to
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Speaker 2: look at the pages inside. My mouth could have dropped
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Speaker 2: to the floor when I realized it was a comic book.
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Speaker 2: Old me would have said something really dumb like that's
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Speaker 2: not a book, and really ruined the moment. But since
1:47
Speaker 2: I had just heard your wonderful words of advice that
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Speaker 2: reading is reading and we should support their interests, I
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Speaker 2: positively embraced the book, and to my surprise, he has
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Speaker 2: happily read each night since with no protests. He even
1:59
Speaker 2: read to his younger brother in bed after being tucked in,
2:02
Speaker 2: as they just had to read one more chapter. Such
2:05
Speaker 2: a timely podcast for my family. Thanks for helping me
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Speaker 2: to not be a book snob.
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Speaker 1: Oh, I love that good.
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Speaker 3: That's so good. So on March the twentieth, we had
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Speaker 3: a chat with Sally Rippin, the Australian Children's Laureate, and
2:19
Speaker 3: she talked all about this kind of stuff and its
2:21
Speaker 3: obviously had an impact on Kayla. We so appreciate you
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Speaker 3: sending through your voicemail, Kayla, Happy Families dot com dot U.
2:28
Speaker 3: Let us know what's going on, give us your feedback.
2:29
Speaker 3: We can't get enough of it.
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Speaker 1: So I know why you're pretty excited. Yes, yes, yes,
2:35
Speaker 1: because we have talked a lot on the podcast, Yes
2:38
Speaker 1: about holidays not going so well. Yes, and you've got
2:42
Speaker 1: some great news this time.
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Speaker 3: Yes, I do you actually joined us. We had a
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Speaker 3: holiday as a family and it worked. So for long
2:49
Speaker 3: time listeners of the Happy Families podcast you'll be aware
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Speaker 3: of this. But for those of you who are new
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Speaker 3: ish to the podcast, I don't know. Maybe for the
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Speaker 3: last two or three years, every time we've tried to
2:58
Speaker 3: have a family holiday it's ended in disaster, the most
3:00
Speaker 3: recent ones being last year. We were supposed to go
3:03
Speaker 3: to Cans and I got sick, had to show up
3:06
Speaker 3: halfway through the holiday. You'd already done all the cool stuff,
3:08
Speaker 3: and when I flew into Cans, I was still not
3:10
Speaker 3: feeling well. And the one before that, or maybe it
3:12
Speaker 3: was the one after it, I don't remember. After Yeah,
3:14
Speaker 3: I fell off my surfboard and broke my back and
3:16
Speaker 3: broke my neck. So I didn't join it. You didn't
3:19
Speaker 3: join us anyway, because we just okay, so and we've
3:22
Speaker 3: just had story after story after story of where every
3:25
Speaker 3: time we try to have a family holiday doesn't work.
3:28
Speaker 3: This time nailed it all thanks to chat GPT.
3:34
Speaker 1: You cheated so bad.
3:36
Speaker 3: So we mentioned coming into Christmas or maybe after Christmas,
3:39
Speaker 3: as we did the review. I've planned all of our
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Speaker 3: family getaways, weekends, whatever we're doing, camping, blah blah blah
3:46
Speaker 3: for for the entire year. I did that as my
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Speaker 3: Christmas gift to you because I wanted holidays to go
3:50
Speaker 3: better this year than they ever have before. So far,
3:53
Speaker 3: I mean we're in April now, so far for January February, March,
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Speaker 3: we haven't done very well. We've tried. It's been acceptable,
4:00
Speaker 3: but it hasn't been truly family holiday sort of stuff.
4:04
Speaker 3: But this was the big one. I used every single
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Speaker 3: one of my frequent Flyer points and got free flights
4:11
Speaker 3: for our whole family to go to Tasmania, which was
4:14
Speaker 3: really good because I don't know if we would have
4:15
Speaker 3: spent the money to pay for that many flights, but
4:17
Speaker 3: free flights to Tazzy. I used chat GPT and told
4:21
Speaker 3: it to give me a five day itinery we booked
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Speaker 3: a really really great Airbnb hashtag not sponsored, booked a
4:28
Speaker 3: great airbnb at Sandy Bay overlooking the Derwent River, like
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Speaker 3: just great stuff, and we rented a great, big key
4:35
Speaker 3: a carnival so that we could get around and for
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Speaker 3: I don't know, four or five days. We had a ball.
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Speaker 3: The first three days we followed the program exact demondo
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Speaker 3: based on what chat gp told us to do, and
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Speaker 3: it was flawless. But on the Saturday we were supposed
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Speaker 3: to go for like a four hour drive to the
4:50
Speaker 3: West Coast, hang out for a few hours, and then
4:51
Speaker 3: to a four hour drive back. Everyone was exhausted because
4:54
Speaker 3: we crammed so much into those first couple of days,
4:58
Speaker 3: and so we decided to just hang out, do the
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Speaker 3: Settlemon markets and stay low key. Perfect way to sort
5:04
Speaker 3: of break up all of the of the things that
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Speaker 3: we were doing. And then on Sunday we were supposed
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Speaker 3: to go to one Glass Bay fresh A one of
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Speaker 3: the most spectacular picturesque places apparently in all Tasmania. But
5:15
Speaker 3: it was raining and it was wet and it was cold,
5:16
Speaker 3: and so we decided not to do it. We just
5:17
Speaker 3: caught up with some friends in Hobart that we haven't
5:20
Speaker 3: seen for ages. Had a really slow day again, Oh
5:23
Speaker 3: my goodness. Monday, we farewelled via Port Arthur, wish we
5:25
Speaker 3: had more time for that, and came home and Kylie,
5:29
Speaker 3: our family was together. We took the pressure off and
5:33
Speaker 3: we just nailed it. That's it. That's my old do
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Speaker 3: about it tomorrow. You can actually make a family holiday work.
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Speaker 3: It can happen. Doesn't happen often, based on our experience,
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Speaker 3: but this time nailed it and I can't wait to
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Speaker 3: do it again.
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Speaker 1: I know you've said we nailed it, and we really did.
5:46
Speaker 1: It was a fantastic holiday, but I feel like you
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Speaker 1: breezed over a few details.
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Speaker 3: Don't give everyone a boring travel log, that's all.
5:53
Speaker 1: It's not the travel log. I think there was some
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Speaker 1: really significant learning and insight that we received as a
5:59
Speaker 1: result of this whole The first was this was our
6:02
Speaker 1: final holiday with baby number three, who's no longer a baby.
6:06
Speaker 1: She was heading away for eighteen months to go to Canada,
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Speaker 1: So we knew that this was the last one we're
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Speaker 1: going to be together, and everybody was really just on
6:14
Speaker 1: board with the holiday.
6:16
Speaker 3: Best behavior because we're farewelling Ella.
6:17
Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: The second thing was that chat GBT. While it is
6:21
Speaker 1: definitely a cheats travelog, it did a brilliant job of
6:26
Speaker 1: opening up an itinery that we might not have come
6:28
Speaker 1: up with on our own totally. But the second part
6:32
Speaker 1: of that was AI, as intelligent as it is, still
6:37
Speaker 1: doesn't do the homework that's required to make sure that
6:41
Speaker 1: the itinery actually flows beautifully. And so once we got
6:44
Speaker 1: through those first three days, we realized that we just
6:48
Speaker 1: couldn't push ourselves for the fourth day. And I'm really
6:51
Speaker 1: grateful that you actually recognized that. And we're willing to
6:55
Speaker 1: be flexible.
6:57
Speaker 3: Because normally on the guy that says no, no, no, no,
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Speaker 3: we're doing this holiday. We're going to get in the
7:02
Speaker 3: car and we're going to drive for nine hours today
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Speaker 3: because the itinery says we must, and we.
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Speaker 1: Just we had such a beautiful, relaxing day. It was fantastic,
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Speaker 1: and it was the break that we needed. We would
7:12
Speaker 1: have been able to go the next day to fresh
7:14
Speaker 1: if the weather had been on our side. But the
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Speaker 1: big deep sadness, if we could put pinpoint of sadness,
7:20
Speaker 1: was that the last day chat GPT told us to
7:24
Speaker 1: go to Port Arthur.
7:26
Speaker 3: Well, we only had like ninety minutes to do what
7:28
Speaker 3: is supposed to take a day and a half.
7:30
Speaker 1: And neither of us understood or knew at all what
7:34
Speaker 1: we were going to see. And once we got there,
7:36
Speaker 1: I literally the first thing I read on the noticeboard
7:39
Speaker 1: was take advantage of our two day pass. And I
7:43
Speaker 1: looked at you and said, we've got ninety minutes to
7:45
Speaker 1: do something they're suggesting we do in two days.
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Speaker 3: So the take home message really is family holidays can
7:50
Speaker 3: and do work. A little bit of planning goes a
7:52
Speaker 3: long way. Don't rely completely on a I, but it's
7:56
Speaker 3: a really great foundation to get things organized. And I
7:59
Speaker 3: guess lastly, be flexible, because that probably saved us. If
8:03
Speaker 3: we'd try to do that big drive, I think that
8:05
Speaker 3: it would have not been quite the wonderful holiday that
8:07
Speaker 3: it was. So Kylie. When you think about how you
8:13
Speaker 3: will do a better tomorrow, or what you did well
8:14
Speaker 3: so that we can keep doing that tomorrow and keep
8:17
Speaker 3: doing better. What's your I'll do about it tomorrow for
8:19
Speaker 3: this week.
8:20
Speaker 1: For a number of years now, I've been reflecting on
8:22
Speaker 1: our family dynamics, and I've realized that we're probably not
8:26
Speaker 1: what you would consider the most normal family. Six girls
8:30
Speaker 1: will do that well for all intents and purposes. We've
8:33
Speaker 1: really got two family structures within our one family unit.
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Speaker 1: We've got these three beautiful big girls, now fully fledged adults,
8:43
Speaker 1: going about doing their thing and living their lives. But
8:46
Speaker 1: we've still got these three quite dependent.
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Speaker 3: Fully at school and growing up.
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Speaker 1: Little girls that still require us, and we're very much
8:56
Speaker 1: in the trenches with them.
8:59
Speaker 3: Just for context, if we were a normal Australian family,
9:01
Speaker 3: we would be empty nests right now. We'd like completely
9:05
Speaker 3: three kids out of the house. We'd be we'd be
9:08
Speaker 3: partying well.
9:09
Speaker 1: And most of our friends stopped having children when we
9:12
Speaker 1: had Baby number three have had that thought, and they
9:15
Speaker 1: are empty nesters.
9:16
Speaker 3: We do love our three youngest. By the way, kids,
9:18
Speaker 3: if you're listening, we're glad we've got you, even though
9:20
Speaker 3: we're very tired.
9:22
Speaker 1: But this week we farewelled Baby number three. I keep
9:26
Speaker 1: calling a baby because she is really still my baby.
9:27
Speaker 3: Twenty years old.
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Speaker 1: She's twenty and she's heading away to Canada for eighteen
9:32
Speaker 1: months after we farewelled baby number two, who left for
9:36
Speaker 1: England more than twelve months ago. Yeah.
9:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, So for those wondering why we're sending our children
9:42
Speaker 3: to all parts of the world for eighteen months, we
9:44
Speaker 3: have a faith background, and part of our religious background,
9:47
Speaker 3: kids when they turn about eighteen nineteen twenty have the
9:49
Speaker 3: opportunity to go and serve do missionary work. Essentially, they
9:53
Speaker 3: do a whole lot of service in communities. They talk
9:56
Speaker 3: about our church to people who are open to and
9:58
Speaker 3: interested in learning. It's a wonderful growth opportunity. I mean,
10:01
Speaker 3: you talk about a gap year. This stuff helps kids
10:04
Speaker 3: grow up really really fast. But it's also wonderful and
10:06
Speaker 3: foundational for their lives. And so while our eldest daughter
10:10
Speaker 3: did not want to chose not to go and do
10:12
Speaker 3: this mission work, our second and third daughters have chosen
10:15
Speaker 3: to do it. And that's why Abby's over in the
10:17
Speaker 3: UK in Leeds, and that's why Ella is heading away
10:20
Speaker 3: to Canada, and that's why we farewelled her on Tuesday.
10:24
Speaker 3: How did it feel. How did it feel for you
10:26
Speaker 3: seeing this girl go down those escalators, go through immigration
10:31
Speaker 3: and head off on an aeroplane to North America.
10:34
Speaker 1: It was a little bit heartbreaking, if I'm completely honest,
10:38
Speaker 1: I have been so excited in the lead up knowing
10:43
Speaker 1: that she's going, knowing that she's made this choice. I
10:45
Speaker 1: think at a time in your life where generally speaking,
10:51
Speaker 1: it's so self centric.
10:52
Speaker 3: It's all about you. Yeah, to watch.
10:55
Speaker 1: Our daughters make a decision to put their needs and
10:58
Speaker 1: wants aside eighteen months and just focus so entirely on
11:04
Speaker 1: somebody else's needs, I couldn't be more proud of their choice,
11:10
Speaker 1: but of who they are and who they're becoming as
11:12
Speaker 1: a result of that decision. But my mother heart aches,
11:17
Speaker 1: it really does, and it was really.
11:21
Speaker 2: Hard to say goodbye.
11:22
Speaker 3: Yeah, lots of tears on Tuesday morning. Speaking of tears,
11:26
Speaker 3: was that year old better tomorrow? Because as you said that,
11:28
Speaker 3: I just remembered there were a lot of tears in
11:30
Speaker 3: the car park as we headed back to the car
11:31
Speaker 3: as well.
11:32
Speaker 2: Well.
11:33
Speaker 1: We had to take two cars down and as a result,
11:36
Speaker 1: on the way home we did a bit of a
11:37
Speaker 1: shuffle and all the kids decided they were going to
11:39
Speaker 1: go in their big sister's car, but before we'd even
11:43
Speaker 1: made it to the car quick interruption.
11:45
Speaker 3: The reason they wanted to go in the big sister's
11:47
Speaker 3: car is because they're big sister and her husband have
11:49
Speaker 3: a baby and they wanted to drive home with the
11:51
Speaker 3: babies so they could make google eyes at the baby
11:54
Speaker 3: all the way home.
11:55
Speaker 1: So there was fights literally as they walked to the
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Speaker 1: car park about who was going to sit next to
12:00
Speaker 1: who said baby and be able to spend some quality
12:03
Speaker 1: time with her. And it wasn't until I came into
12:07
Speaker 1: the picture I actually saw one of our children had
12:11
Speaker 1: withdrawn from the group and she had her back towards us,
12:15
Speaker 1: and her big sister had said, look, this is what's going.
12:17
Speaker 3: On and why had this and what do the kids
12:20
Speaker 3: always have to fight?
12:22
Speaker 1: And I just need you to know it's not okay.
12:23
Speaker 1: She can't be angry and treat everybody like this. And
12:27
Speaker 1: my initial response was to go over and get cranky
12:29
Speaker 1: at her, but the closer I got, I just saw
12:32
Speaker 1: these big crocodile tears literally falling to the ground, and
12:36
Speaker 1: in that moment I realized this actually wasn't about where
12:39
Speaker 1: she sat, and I put my arms around her, and
12:41
Speaker 1: I said, these are tears for Hola, aren't they? And
12:44
Speaker 1: she just sobbed. She absolutely sobbed. And I thought how
12:50
Speaker 1: easy it is as parents to make a judgment call
12:55
Speaker 1: in the moment based on our children's behavior. We see
12:59
Speaker 1: something happen and we think that that is the problem,
13:03
Speaker 1: but more times than not, it's just a symptom of
13:06
Speaker 1: a deeper problem. And so to be able to sit
13:08
Speaker 1: there with her in that moment, just for a few
13:10
Speaker 1: minutes in a car park while she absolutely just poured
13:13
Speaker 1: out her heart, knowing that she's not going to see
13:16
Speaker 1: her sister for eighteen months, that's a really big deal
13:17
Speaker 1: for her. I was really grateful for the insight and
13:21
Speaker 1: for the opportunity I had to just have that little
13:23
Speaker 1: snuggle and then she was able to go off and
13:25
Speaker 1: the day was fine after that.
13:27
Speaker 3: Not very convenient, but counting the dollars, weren't you well?
13:30
Speaker 3: Because the Brisbane Airport car park is like the most
13:34
Speaker 3: I can't believe how much they charge for anyway, I
13:36
Speaker 3: won't go there. But what I've said to parents often
13:40
Speaker 3: is when your children are irritating you, the best thing
13:43
Speaker 3: to do is precisely the opposite to what you want
13:45
Speaker 3: to do, because typically what you want to do is
13:48
Speaker 3: shut them down and get cross and put them in
13:52
Speaker 3: their place. And if you can do exactly the opposite,
13:55
Speaker 3: if you can slow it right down, be there with them,
13:57
Speaker 3: listen with an open heart, a compassionate heart. It makes
14:00
Speaker 3: such a difference. And that's what I saw you do
14:03
Speaker 3: as I rushed over to the car so that I
14:05
Speaker 3: could meet you on the sidewalk, just so that we
14:08
Speaker 3: could get out of a car park forty seconds earlier,
14:10
Speaker 3: so that I can save another three dollars. It was
14:13
Speaker 3: really really great to watch, so to take home message.
14:16
Speaker 1: It's all about compassion. Our kids get it wrong all
14:20
Speaker 1: the time. But I knew how my heart was feeling,
14:22
Speaker 1: and I could only assume that if my heart was breaking,
14:27
Speaker 1: so was hers.
14:28
Speaker 3: Compassion. By the way, the etymology of compassion two words
14:31
Speaker 3: Latin together and suffering, suffering together beautiful. We really hope
14:36
Speaker 3: that there's some inspiration here for you to do better
14:39
Speaker 3: tomorrow in your parenting. Thank you so much for listening
14:40
Speaker 3: to a Happy Families podcast. We really appreciate that you
14:43
Speaker 3: choose to spend your time with us, and we hope
14:46
Speaker 3: that it does make your family happier. If you'd like
14:48
Speaker 3: to leave us feedback, ask us questions, or engage with
14:50
Speaker 3: us in any way whatsoever, visit happy families dot com
14:53
Speaker 3: dot or you go to the podcast link and click
14:55
Speaker 3: on the record button. Leave us your messages there. It's
14:57
Speaker 3: so easy to use and we would be stoked hear
15:00
Speaker 3: from you. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin
15:02
Speaker 3: Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer
15:06
Speaker 3: and if you would like more information about how to
15:08
Speaker 3: make your family happier, you'll find it all at happy
15:10
Speaker 3: families dot com dot au. Have a great weekend,