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What Does It Mean When a Narcissist Says I Love You · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Why are narcissists constantly telling you that they love you?
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  Why do narcissistic people say I love you?
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  You know I love you, right? I, I, I do love you, you, you
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  believe me, right? What?
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  What? For those of them that do say
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  it, we know. We know some of them never say I
• 0:13
  love you. You never hear those words.
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  But for those of them that do, why do they do it?
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  Why? That's what we talked about
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  today. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Coming.
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  So yeah, folks, yes, yes, yes. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back, narcissistic people.
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  And the words, I love you. Those 3 words or three letters,
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  however they, however they decide to write it or say it,
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  right? Why are they saying it though?
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  Do they even love you in the 1st place?
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  Like that's what I get. That's the question I get a lot
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  and I've answered that question before, but this is a little
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  this, this little different take on it, right?
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  There's a little different, little different twist on it,
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  right? Why did they keep saying it,
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  right? Why did they why did they open
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  their mouths and say it to you like they they they might not be
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  showing you love. They they they might they might
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  not be connecting to you in a loving way.
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  They might not be showing you that they love you giving you
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  flowers and give they might just keep saying the words I love
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  you. Why do they do that?
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  So Simply put, they want you to believe it.
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  They're trying to con narcissist or trying to convince you that
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  they love you. They're trying to convince you
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  that they love you. Now Lee, why the hell wait?
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  Lee, I'm confused. Why the hell would they try to
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  convince me that they love me if they are showing me that they
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  love me, if they are actually loving me?
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  Because they know that they're not doing it correctly.
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  They want to convince you that they love you because the more
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  you're in love with me, then the more you think that I'm in love
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  with you, the more that I can get away with, the more that I
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  benefit directly from this. I benefit from this.
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  Yes, absolutely. Yes.
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  That's what happens with a lot of narcissistic people.
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  They will consistently tell you that they love you.
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  They will consistently tell you that they love you just because
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  they get a benefit from it. Y'all, there's a direct benefit
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  from it. It's been, I know I mentioned
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  earlier that some narcissists never ever say I love you or
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  they rarely say it. When did they say it?
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  Y'all? When did they say it?
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  If they ever say it or they rarely say it, when do they say
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  it? When they're in trouble, when
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  they're trying to get you, they're they're trying to get
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  you not to leave, when they're trying to get you to to allow
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  them to come back and things of that nature.
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  When they're on their last leg, when they feel like everything
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  else has failed, they'll tell you that they love you.
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  Notice I said tell you that they love.
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  I didn't say that they will just they going to prove, they going
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  to prove to you that they lay you.
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  They going, they're going to show you that they love you.
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  Notice I didn't say that right? Because they're not going to do
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  that because they, they don't do that type of stuff.
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  Like if you're dealing with a narcissist or talk to a person,
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  whoever, this is part of the this is part of this is part of
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  the relationship. This becomes a part of the
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  relationship. Them telling you that they love
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  you and not showing you that they love you the way that you
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  want to be showed. That's important right there,
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  y'all? It really is important.
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  They're not showing you that they love you the way that you
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  want to be showed love. Like most narcissist not notice.
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  Notice I didn't say all most, most narcissist are going to
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  show love through physical things in the words, not through
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  actual deep emotional connection.
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  I know in the beginning it felt like a deep emotional connection
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  and it very well may have been right.
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  It very well may have been an emotional connection, right?
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  But over time, the, the, the wires frazzle right back.
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  Matter of fact, here's a good analogy right here.
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  There's a good analogy, you know, like a phone charger,
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  right? Just like a phone charger, like
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  if I plug my phone into if, if I plug my phone into the the
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  charger into the phone, right, it charges up.
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  You you'll see it light up, it charges up, right?
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  You see that happen. The green bar comes on and
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  everything. If I keep doing it overtime in
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  out in, out, in, out, it felt it charges up at first.
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  The charger works at first, right?
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  The love works at first. The connection is strong at
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  first, right? But overtime, pull in, out, in,
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  out, in, out, this part becomes frayed.
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  The connection, the connection fractures, the connection
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  frazzles and it doesn't charge up the same way anymore.
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  So now Even so, sometimes even as you plug it in, it doesn't
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  work. Even though it's still, if this
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  part breaks, if something happens when the love stops, the
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  love gets severed. The connection, the emotional
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  connection gets severed. They'll still be plugged into
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  you physically, but the emotions have stopped.
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  The emotional, the deep emotional connection, the deep
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  stuff has probably stopped. They'll still be with you
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  physically, they'll still be plugged into you right, but the
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  emotions that you're not getting any more juice is not lighting
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  up anymore. You know what I'm saying?
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  It's not lighting up anymore. There's no more juice coming
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  into the relationship. And I know y'all thought that
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  analogy was a fire. Then you're like Lee, what the
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  hell Lee? Will you come up with that one?
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  That Lee off the top of my head, off the top of my head, I know
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  you're like Lou. Well, I never heard you're like,
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  they still plugged in, the charge is still plugged in, the
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  cord is still plugged in, but you just not getting no juice.
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  You're not getting that emotional juice.
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  The emotional juices are not flowing anymore.
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  So a lot of them will tell you that they love you just to show
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  you this. Just that's 'cause that's how
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  they learn how to love now. That's the form of, that's the
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  form of connection, the form of love that they're going to be
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  showing you going forward. Now, is that enough for most
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  people? No, Let's get that out of the
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  way. That's not going to be enough
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  for most people. I know that.
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  You know that, right? I'm sorry.
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  Yeah, that's not going to be enough for most people.
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  But for a lot of people, it, it could be like I said, some
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  people like, and this is what? And this is me, just for me
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  doing my Zooms and talking to so many people over one-on-one over
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  the last five, damn near. This is year 4 right here.
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  This is you know, the next month will be 4 years completely right
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  over the last years of almost talking about 50 nearly 5000
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  people over the last few years. That's one thing I've noticed
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  y'all that some people are willing to accept less to be
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  with to be with narcissist. Let's be let's keep it hiding
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  ready. Some people are willing to
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  accept less. You're not giving you, you're
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  giving 100 and they're giving you.
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  And originally they might have been giving you 150, right?
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  Because the love bomb, they feel like 150.
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  They don't feel like 100. Originally they were giving you
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  150 and then it went down to then, then it went to 100.
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  You felt you, you felt equally yoked, right?
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  Both of y'all were giving 100 and then you were still giving
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  100. They gave you 90 and then 8070
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  sixty. Then it could be a precipitous
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  drop off. Now they give you 25, right?
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  And you like, damn, I got to make up for stuff.
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  So now you're giving 12125 S. The relationship can feel
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  somewhat normal, right? You're giving more to this
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  person than you're receiving. So after a while in these
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  relationship dynamics, when you deal, when you deal with a
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  narcissist that you are putting in way more work.
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  So after a while with a narcissist, you start putting in
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  way more work than they do. Like you're giving 100% and
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  they're giving 25. And because you might love this
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  person so much, you're willing to accept that 25.
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  But then when it goes to 10, they'll give you 10 and that you
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  you're still giving 100. You like, damn, this is this
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  sucks you now you begging for 25.
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  So you're begging for them to give you more, but more is still
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  less than what you're a couple. What what you accustomed to.
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  So so many people get into these relationship dynamics with
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  narcissists where you're giving them more than what you're
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  getting and so many people you give me you be trauma body so in
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  love with them. What not that you willing to
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  accept less to be with this person And you've a lot of
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  people that I talked to on my one on ones are just asking me
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  how to get it back up to 1025 percent, 50% lately.
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  I I'm willing to accept less be with this person.
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  I have to ask you this question. Why?
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  Why are you willing to accept less?
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  They want they're not willing to accept less.
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  They when you go below 100, they lose their damn minds.
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  So why are you willing to accept less?
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  What is going on in your mind with you right now that makes
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  you willing to accept less than they are?
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  That's a question that you have to answer for yourself.
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  Just like why am I willing to accept less when they are not?
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  When they are like they are not willing to accept this.
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  Why am I willing to accept less? You are willing to accept less
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  love to be with a narcissist, then you have to ask yourself
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  the question, why not? This is not I know what people
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  are going to say. Lady.
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  That sound like victim blaming. Yeah, everything ain't victim
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  blaming. Some of these questions you have
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  to ask yourself in order to heal.
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  You can't. You can't ask them, right?
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  Some of these questions you have to ask yourself in order to heal
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  and set yourself free. So you they're not going to give
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  you the answer. So you ask yourself, control
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  what you can control, right? You have to control what you can
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  control. You can't control whether or not
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  they are showing you love. You can beg for it.
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  You can plead for it. You absolutely can.
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  But that that doesn't mean they're going to do it.
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  Like I just literally just listened to a voicemail a lady
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  sent me of recording but he's begging like literally begging
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  her narcissistic partner to just post her on social media.
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  Literally begging, pleading and this man just laughing.
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  No he said no I'll think about it it's been years.
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  He ain't bought the post. Why would he post you now?
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  He clearly cheating. Like you control what you can
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  control in these situations. Y'all 'cause they're going to
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  tell you that they love you. You know I love you, right?
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  Just 'cause I don't post you online or nobody in my life
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  knows that you exist. Nobody.
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  Just 'cause my mom and dad don't know you who you are, and my
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  family members don't know who you are.
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  And my friends don't know who you are.
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  My coworkers don't know who you are.
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  That doesn't mean I don't love you.
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  You know I love you, right? I do love you.
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  Now let's sleep together. That's all it takes.
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  They'll telling you that they love you because they want to
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  convince you that they love you. And they tell you that they love
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  you with words because you've got to the point where you
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  accept the words. A lot of narcissists are just
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  telling you that they love you just so you that you to convince
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  you that they love you, not to convince themselves they trying
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  to convince you. So that go back to the
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  beginning. Y'all, I told you, if you're
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  willing to accept 10 to 25, they're going, that's all
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  they're going to give to you, right?
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  And sometimes that 10 to 25% it's just them telling you that
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  they love you, not showing you, not doing anything else, just
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  sleeping with you and saying the words I love you.
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  The rest of it is horrible. The rest of the relationship is
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  horrible. So then you got to fall back
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  onto yourself. And just like, why am I willing
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  to accept less from this person? Why am I accepting less?
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  Because yes, it falls onto you. And again, people just like,
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  lady, this is victim blaming. This is not victim blaming.
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  Sometimes you have to step up and stand in your truth in order
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  to heal. How else are you going to heal
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  if you keep saying everything is victim blaming?
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  You see what I'm saying? Yes, narcissistic people are
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  abusive. The abuse is on them.
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  The healing is on you. They're not going to help you
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  heal. Why would they help you heal?
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  So the abuse is absolutely on them, but the healing is on you.
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  So yeah, they're going to tell you I love you, especially
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  Vince, just to make you feel special sometimes to to
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  reconnect to you, to just breadcrumb you.
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  Sometimes they'll just telling you I love you just to
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  breadcrumb you, just to, you know, just to keep you there.
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  Just just just just to give you enough to keep you from leaving.
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  Now are you willing to accept that?
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  That's going to be up to you. You see what I'm saying again,
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  this is like, this is when I hear these voicemails and these
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  messages and I see what a lot of people going through.
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  It's just like that. I'm like, damn, why?
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  Why? But you have to ask yourself
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  why? I know the mind works weird,
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  right? I get that.
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  But why? I know the trauma mind exists,
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  but why this person? You have to get clear on why are
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  you willing to accept less from this person than you deserve?
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  You have to get clear on that. Because if I, if all it takes
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  for me to keep you in my life is for me to tell you that I, that
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  I love you, then that's literally all I'm going to do.
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  That's literally all I'm going to do is tell you that I love
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  you and I don't have to show you.
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  I don't have to do anything else.
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  I just have to tell you I love you and be what you here in
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  person. If that's all it takes, that's
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  all it takes y'all it was y'all think y'all rock with me to the
• 12:50
  end. Y'all.
• 12:51
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• 12:53
  on Amazon. It's called Remember, it's not
• 12:55
  your fault it's on Amazon. It's just have those tough
• 12:58
  conversations with your kiddos and whatnot.
• 13:01
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• 13:11
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• 13:15
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• 13:16
  So appreciate y'all, appreciate y'all tuning in.
• 13:18
  Appreciate y'all showing me love and as always, y'all as always
• 13:22
  been doing this is up peace. Before you go, make sure that
• 13:26
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• 13:28
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• 13:31
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• 13:33
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• 13:37
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• 13:40
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• 13:42
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
• 13:44
  Peace.