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Diva Mia: Unveiling Relationship Truths with Diva Mia · The Diva Details

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  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
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  No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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  Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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  Welcome back. This is Diva Mia. Today, I wanted to talk to you a little bit
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  about why people stay in relationships that aren't going anywhere or situationships,
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  even though they want more,
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  and kind of give you the highlights so that you can make a decision as to what
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  direction you want to move forward in.
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  I think one of the things that people don't remember is that honesty and talking
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  to your partner is crucial in any relationship.
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  If you don't discuss what your wants and needs are, you're not going to get what you want.
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  I think a lot of times people, especially we women, believe that our men will
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  figure it out, and most of the time they don't.
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  And we have divine energy and ways to show them what we want,
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  but a lot of times guys don't get it.
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  So you have to communicate honestly.
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  I think sometimes people stay in a relationship as well because they're afraid of being alone.
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  There's loneliness and then there's being alone. And being alone is not so bad.
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  It's when you have the loneliness to go along with it.
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  Loneliness tends to come when you're just not happy by yourself.
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  Some people stay because they're comfortable. We have a podcast episode on miserably
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  comfortable people that will stay for years and years in a relationship just
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  because they're comfortable and they don't want to have to do the work to find something better.
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  Sometimes there's familiarity that you have with the other partner.
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  And sometimes they don't grow and you want to grow and sometimes you're authentic
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  and they're not or vice versa.
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  When you're misaligned, it may be time to move on. There's also societal pressures.
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  Sometimes we stay in relationships or even get married because we've been with
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  somebody for so long or society says, oh, your biological clock is ticking.
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  Well, that's not a good reason to stay in a relationship unless you're really truly happy.
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  Some people stay for the status. Maybe they have a status or they just like
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  being that person's spouse or to say they're married.
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  There's expectations that go along with that as well. I hope that you can change
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  for the better if you're not happy.
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  There's your fantasy and then there's reality and you know whether you're happy or not.
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  There's also emotional entanglement. If you've ever been with a narcissist or
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  somebody with a personality disorder, there may be trauma bonding.
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  And if there's trauma bonding, you stay in the relationship just because you're
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  bonded to that person due to all the challenges that they put in front of you or possible abuse.
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  There can also be codependency and codependency is not a good reason to stay in a relationship.
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  You need to be able to stand on your own and be healthy. I think we have a huge
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  mental health crisis in this country and people are staying in relationships because of it.
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  Honesty in relationships actually looks like being upfront, truthful for all
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  things. It's not just about personal things.
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  If you can't be truthful to your partner about basic things,
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  you don't have an honest relationship.
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  You need to be clear about what you want.
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  And this prevents emotional wasting away.
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  If you tell them what you want, you're not going to be muting yourself.
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  You're not going to be shrinking down in order to pleased them because you've
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  told them what they want.
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  Now, if they don't deliver or can't deliver, maybe they're not the right fit. We do have to,
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  Give our partners grace as well, though, because some things we want may be
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  too much, but at the same time, maybe they're also not the right fit.
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  There's a lot of people that get married younger and then they find out that
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  their partner is not growth minded and they are.
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  Or maybe you're not growth minded and they are.
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  And there will be a huge alignment shift and a split right there just because of the mindset.
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  Sometimes people lie or hide things because they're afraid of rejection.
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  Sometimes they do it to manipulate you. Sometimes they're cheating.
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  Sometimes they just lie because they like the power and the control that they feel like it gets them.
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  And sometimes they're just insecure little children. You know,
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  there's a lot of little boys out there and a lot of little girls out there that
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  never actually grew up, that are not emotionally intelligent,
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  that are not emotionally available.
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  You have to be careful with people like that.
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  In the real world, it's beneficial to be brutally honest. I can honestly say
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  that when I tell people the truth in a nice way, that there's a lot of respect
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  that goes along with that.
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  In fact, I'm known as one of the honest people that you can come to and ask
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  any question, and I'll tell you the brutal truth, even if you don't want to hear it.
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  Some people come to me when they need someone to be objective and tell them the truth.
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  Now, my objective may not be someone else's objective, because everybody's objective
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  is actually truly subjective.
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  But you can give your opinion and they can choose to take it or not.
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  Your brutal honesty should never disturb someone's peace, but their peace may already be disturbed.
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  And you have to worry about alignment and how much time you're going to save.
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  The sooner you leave a bad relationship, the more likely you're going to find
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  someone that's the right relationship.
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  And don't spend decades or years with the wrong person.
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  If you feel like they're the wrong person, stop trying to fix them. Just move on.
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  One thing you need to remember is you need to tell
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  them with kindness and boundaries i mean you can
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  tell them hey i'm just not happy because i have
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  a growth mindset and you seem to want to stay where we're at i don't think it's
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  going to work and therefore i'm moving on and that's a boundary or you can say
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  well i don't like the way you flirt with other women and that's a boundary those
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  are honest things that you can tell and if they continue then it's your choice to stay or go
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  And that's the thing we need to realize as women. It's our choice to stay in bad relationships.
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  We can move on. And I think if more people moved on, then people would raise
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  their standards and people would start to treat each other better.
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  At least you're going to raise your standards into a group of people that will treat you better.
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  Sometimes there's a lot of social media fakeness. They act like they have,
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  you're the perfect couple and
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  you put it on social media and you feel like you've got to stay that way.
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  Well, eventually, if you do break up, people will find out maybe you weren't the perfect couple.
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  I don't think there are any true
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  perfect couples out there. I think relationships are always a challenge.
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  But when you work at it with the right person, it comes much easier.
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  If it's too much of a struggle, it's not the right person.
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  There's also a fake vulnerability that people show. Sometimes they go on social
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  media and they cry. I've seen it so many times.
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  People crying over stuff that's not even authentic. It's ridiculous.
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  And there's no truth to their tears.
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  Their tears are just false.
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  I think a lot of people worry too much about looking good instead of feeling good.
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  And in their relationship, they don't realize that even if the person looks
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  great and you're staying with them because they have that look that you want,
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  if they make you feel terrible, it's time to move on.
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  That's one of the modern dynamics that I think people have lost is they're more
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  about the appearance than they are the content.
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  They're more about the appearance than they are the quality of their relationship.
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  And if you don't have a good relationship, you're not going to be happy.
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  If they don't bring you peace, if your partner doesn't bring you peace and brings
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  you constant anxiety and stress, find someone that does bring you peace.
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  Because life is too short to stay in a relationship that's terrible.
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  You need to detox your love life just like you detox your body.
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  There's no need to stay in a relationship where there's lies,
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  fake intimacy, cheating, etc.
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  Don't allow yourself to be walked on like that. and a lot of people say oh they
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  only did it once but a lot of times if they did it once they're going to do
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  it again so now you're going to be in a relationship where there's no trust,
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  and you're going to have to realize that you're going to have to work on that
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  that's a lot of work when there's a intimacy violation or an affair that goes
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  on it's hard to get that back,
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  what when you think about it the divine feminine is all about intuition so if
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  you feel like something's been going on, it probably has.
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  And we are nurturing as long as we can be.
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  But if a man disrespects us, that kind of turns off.
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  And you'll see that your flow goes away. And you're no longer receptive to their
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  engagement when you have a bad feeling.
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  And if there's a bad feeling, it may be in your head, but it may not.
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  It's a good way to open communication.
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  Ask the man what's going on. you can ask him directly do it in a peaceful manner
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  and see if he will open up if not then you might have to find other ways if
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  you're a man you need to stay in your divine masculine you need to provide direction
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  and leadership for your family.
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  One of the things men need to provide women is a feeling of safety and protection.
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  If you're not providing that to a woman, she's going to be more masculine.
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  She's going to want to run everything. She's going to try to drive everything.
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  And then you're going to have an imbalanced relationship and power struggles.
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  Men need to provide more structure, more clarity in the relationship.
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  When a relationship is going south, no offense, guys, but it tends to be that
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  the man is not being masculine enough. And when I say masculine,
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  I'm not saying toxic masculinity as is currently described by the woke culture.
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  Toxic masculinity is just a toxic person, someone that's violent or mean or nasty.
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  That's not a man. A man is providing clear direction. A man provides clear leadership.
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  A man protects his family no matter what. And if you're not doing that,
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  then the woman's going to step into that role, and you're going to have a complete
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  imbalance and wonder why the woman is constantly trying to lead,
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  and you're going to have arguments over it.
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  But if you can provide a clear direction, you're going to be the man in the relationship.
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  And that's where it kind of needs to be. I think we've had too much of an imbalance for too long.
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  Interacting with healthy partnerships is huge we
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  need to make sure that our relationships are healthy again
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  it does go back to the divine feminine divine masculine if we can focus on our
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  roles and find good leaders now i have been in relationships where i tried to
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  get the man to be more of a leader and i pushed and i tried and i tried and he didn't want it.
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  And it wasn't him that was at the rung. It just wasn't his personality.
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  I needed to move on because he was not a leader.
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  He was more of a beta boy, not an alpha male, which is what I need personally.
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  Now, some people like the beta boy. Some people like to have men follow after
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  them, and that's where they're happy. And if the man is happy with that, then fine.
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  But a lot of men aren't happy with that, even though that's what they're performing as.
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  So maybe they need to find a woman that's less than you, and that's okay.
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  If they find someone that's more
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  docile and that likes the direction that you're taking them, then fine.
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  But strong women need strong leaders. They need a strong masculine figure, not a beta boy.
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  So it depends on who you are as a woman as well.
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  I think there's somebody out there for everybody.
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  And in balance in your masculine and feminine, you'll see it because there'll
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  be a power struggle in between the two of you.
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  So if you are having a power struggle, you're just imbalanced.
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  It may be that you married or are partnered up with the wrong person.
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  You need to also align your ego. And I think energy attracts real love.
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  So if you have a strong ego that's overpowering, you're going to overpower the
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  person and not attract what you're looking for.
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  Strong energies attract real love, and it stops the cycle of fate connections.
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  If you really want a strong love, then you need to have strong energy,
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  which means you need to go back and work on yourself.
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  I think a lot of times we talk about this over and over again.
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  You have to work on yourself so much, and a lot of people stop.
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  Now, I went to therapy after my divorce, and one of the things that my therapist
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  said is when I asked her, I said, do people heal from divorces?
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  And she said, most people don't.
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  They don't take the time to heal. They're in such a rush to move on to the next
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  relationship that they ruin the next relationship too.
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  And if people just took the time, however much time it takes you,
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  to really focus on your mental health, your emotional health,
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  your physical health, your spiritual health, even your sexual health,
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  if you took the time to focus on healing you,
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  you're going to find that you're going to have a much better relationship.
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  And if you have a good relationship it will filter
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  through to all aspects of your life
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  when there's a true partnership in life you're going
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  to find that is a power couple they will support each
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  other the man will be there to lead the family the woman will be there to support
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  the man now i am not saying you can't be a leader in business if you're a woman
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  and you're a she boss or in charge of a company or you're running the show go
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  be as masculine as you want to and business.
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  But when you come home, you shouldn't also have to run the household.
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  You should be able to take a little bit of a break. The man should be running
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  the household. Now, I'm not saying that he has to cook and clean for you.
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  There should be a balance in that too, because roles have been changing over time.
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  But he should be able to say, hey, this is what I want, and this is what I need.
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  And there should be a nice balance.
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  There shouldn't be a controlling balance. There shouldn't be a violent balance,
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  but there should be a balance between male and feminine.
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  And the masculine will do wonders
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  if he's supported, and the woman will do wonders if she feels safe.
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  And men, that's your number one priority. You are supposed to be the providers.
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  You're supposed to make women feel safe. It's an innate need that all women have.
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  If a woman's in a relationship and she doesn't feel safe with you,
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  you're going to have a terrible relationship.
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  And that's one of the big things. If you ever violate the woman or if you ever
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  hurt the woman, you've violated a trust for safety.
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  And that's why when men cheat, women tend to move on because we don't feel safe now with a man.
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  Or if you're violent with the woman, she will move on. Even if it's just emotional
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  words that are violent, she will move on or she will shut down.
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  She will go compartmentalize and shut down. So remember, your number one job
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  as a man is to make a woman feel safe.
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  And women, your number one job as a woman is to support your man and to make him feel loved.
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  There's a balance there. There's a reason why men are attracted to women and
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  women are attracted to men.
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  And then you need to be honest with your wants and needs. Make sure you're honest.
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  I know that if you're having problems in the bedroom, it may be that you don't feel safe.
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  So let them know that you need to feel safe in order to.
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  Have more of a sexual chemistry. I was in a relationship at one time where the
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  guy was angry a lot and he would yell at me all day and then he would expect
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  me to go perform in the bedroom.
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  And I was like, I don't turn it on and turn it off like that.
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  Now guys can, because guys can compartmentalize things, but women,
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  they need to be a crest a little.
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  They need to have an emotionally safe day before they actually are intimate with a man.
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  So make sure you show up in your divine energy, but men, you need to show up
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  in your divine masculinity too.
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  And don't hide behind tragedy or traumas. You guys got to work that stuff out with your therapist.
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  Don't use your partner as a therapist. I think too many people,
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  they go into relationships just so they have somebody to whine and complain
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  to. And that's not what your partner's for.
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  Work that stuff out with a therapist. Work it out with a coach.
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  Work it out with an energy healer.
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  Work all your wounds out so that you get to love your partner and spend time
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  with your partner and enjoy each other.
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  Sometimes writing it down in a journal or making a note to the person and letting
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  them know is easier than verbally saying it. And I will say I get that.
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  And sometimes people just don't want to communicate.
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  But sometimes that will open up the communication.
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  So if you have a partner that seems to be angry a lot, maybe that needs to be a note.
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  Although always protect yourself, ladies. Don't get in a relationship where
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  you have a violent man. And if you write him a note, he's going to be even more violent.
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  Be careful, but journal it, write it down. And a lot of times when you write
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  down what's going on, you'll have a memory better of what happened.
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  So if you're in a relationship that's not happy, why don't you start on the
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  first of the month and you write down how you feel about the relationship and
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  what's going on in detail.
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  And then a week later, do it again.
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  And then a week later, do it again. If nothing changes over a month or a couple
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  months, maybe it's time for you to move on.
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  And I say journal it because that way you can remember back,
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  wow, I've been happy for several months now.
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  Because if you don't do it, what will happen is months will turn into years
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  and years will turn into decades.
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  And by the time you're done, you will completely lost yourself.
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  And that's not where you want to be.
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  I will say that this is one episode that I wish everyone that's been an abusive
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  relationship or narcissistic relationships would listen to, but I hope that you can heal.
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  I hope that you can have a happy relationship and joyous.
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  I hope that if you lost a spouse from divorce or a tragic death or you're now
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  a widow or you're moving on because something's just not working,
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  that you have the ability to heal fully before your next relationship.
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  I really do wish that for everyone.
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  I do think the dating apps are filled with people that are unhealed,
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  so you have to be careful of that too. When you open up the door,
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  have lots of boundaries.
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  I honor everyone's truth, but you need to make sure you honor the truth over their comfort.
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  It's more important to tell the truth than to make them comfortable.
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  If you can do that, I think you will have a miraculous, a beautiful relationship well into the future.
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  This is Diva Mia. I hope you have a wonderful day. Ciao.
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  Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment. We love hearing from you.
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