Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / You’re the Problem with Yamaneika Saunders
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
- 0:01Speaker 1: Mighty Tour. In August you can find me in Red Bank,
- 0:05Speaker 1: New Jersey, Montclair, New Jersey, and Calgary that's Canada. And
- 0:10Speaker 1: September I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego, New
- 0:13Speaker 1: York City, Philly and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise,
- 0:22Speaker 1: Idaho and Spokan. And then in November I'll be in
- 0:26Speaker 1: San Francisco. I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston,
- 0:29Speaker 1: Dallas Babies, I'll be there. And then in December I
- 0:32Speaker 1: am closing out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So
- 0:36Speaker 1: get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High
- 0:39Speaker 1: and Mighty Tour. Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
- 0:44Speaker 2: Who are you traveling with right now?
- 0:46Speaker 1: I am now by myself.
- 0:47Speaker 3: Oh okay.
- 0:48Speaker 4: I am in Spanish school. I am going to Spanish
- 0:52Speaker 4: school from nine to two pm every day in a
- 0:55Speaker 4: Spanish city somewhere near you, somewhere near Spain.
- 1:06Speaker 3: You're gonna be fluid when you come back. It's gonna
- 1:08Speaker 3: be great.
- 1:10Speaker 4: Hopefully we'll see what happens we'll see how many days
- 1:12Speaker 4: of school I actually get to.
- 1:14Speaker 1: But I'm on day three, so school from nine to two.
- 1:18Speaker 4: And then there's cultural activity activity da DAEs that I
- 1:22Speaker 4: am opting out of because I need a nightlife.
- 1:25Speaker 1: But I in school from nine to two is all
- 1:27Speaker 1: I need? Really?
- 1:29Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think your your nightlife is going
- 1:31Speaker 2: to be your cultural activity Dades.
- 1:32Speaker 5: Yes, exactly, that's me experiencing culture is going out excellent. Well,
- 1:37Speaker 5: our guest today is a very special guest because she's
- 1:39Speaker 5: launching her very own podcast under the Dear Chelsea podcast network,
- 1:44Speaker 5: and this is going to give you a slice of
- 1:46Speaker 5: what you can listen to when you tune into her
- 1:48Speaker 5: podcast every week. Her new podcast is called You're the
- 1:52Speaker 5: Problem with Yaminika Saunders, and after listening to this, you'll
- 1:57Speaker 5: also understand that she is the problem and she's my
- 2:01Speaker 5: problem and everyone's problem. So that title alone invites you
- 2:07Speaker 5: to laugh.
- 2:09Speaker 2: And she gave great advice. Actually on this episode, I
- 2:11Speaker 2: was I was very impressed with her.
- 2:13Speaker 1: She is good at advice.
- 2:14Speaker 5: She's terrible at taking it, but she's good at giving it.
- 2:18Speaker 3: How necessary is this air?
- 2:19Speaker 1: Excuse me? Excuse me? How sweaty don't even let me.
- 2:23Speaker 1: First of all, I want to talk to you, okay
- 2:25Speaker 1: before we're shooting this podcast. This is dear Chelsea, this
- 2:28Speaker 1: is Y'allminika Saunders. If you're not familiar with her, you
- 2:31Speaker 1: will be by the end of this episode.
- 2:34Speaker 3: We've had clips go viral with you.
- 2:36Speaker 1: Okay, anyway, why don't you how necessary is this air?
- 2:40Speaker 1: How necessary? Is all the bullshit that you get up to?
- 2:44Speaker 1: You are disruptive. She's been staying at my house for
- 2:47Speaker 1: a week. Here we go for Thelix Joe Comedy Festival.
- 2:51Speaker 1: She every she has nothing, she brought nothing with her.
- 2:55Speaker 1: We've been on the road. Every day is brand new
- 2:57Speaker 1: for her. Every day you go into her bedroom, she's
- 3:00Speaker 1: in the bunk room. Megan was also staying here. Megan Gaily, by.
- 3:05Speaker 3: The way, because she goes through this nonsense.
- 3:07Speaker 1: Okay, every day in the bunk room where she's staying.
- 3:10Speaker 1: She it looks like a fucking pop up CVS. She
- 3:14Speaker 1: has to go to CBS. She goes to CVS three
- 3:17Speaker 1: times a day.
- 3:17Speaker 3: I'm addicted.
- 3:18Speaker 1: She buys all the new It's like she's starting over.
- 3:21Speaker 1: Each day. She doesn't have any of her supplies. She
- 3:24Speaker 1: has to get her hair stuff, her face stuff, her sneaker.
- 3:27Speaker 1: She buys clothes at CVS. Then she went to Marshalls.
- 3:30Speaker 1: Then she goes to Marshalls twice a week. Yeah, I
- 3:32Speaker 1: introduced her with the Marshals trend. I introduced her. I
- 3:36Speaker 1: introduced her to Airwan. So I said, here's where the
- 3:39Speaker 1: white people go shopping in Santa Monica.
- 3:41Speaker 3: Come Buck.
- 3:42Speaker 1: And I was like, if you have you ever had
- 3:43Speaker 1: a thirteen dollars smoothie? And this bitch goes every morning
- 3:47Speaker 1: now to Airwan, spends eighty dollars at Airwan.
- 3:50Speaker 3: I can't help that. Yeah, No, I got this from
- 3:53Speaker 3: this who's nicky. That's me.
- 3:55Speaker 6: I don't because he got to learn how to spell yaminika.
- 3:58Speaker 6: They didn't even teach me how to spell my name
- 4:00Speaker 6: until I was in the third grade. Well, the problem
- 4:02Speaker 6: I'm supposed to lest some brand new lady that just
- 4:04Speaker 6: met me learn the problem with spelling your name. We're
- 4:07Speaker 6: about to launch a podcast. This is an announcement, you
- 4:09Speaker 6: guys to our audience. Dear Chelsea Network is now a network.
- 4:13Speaker 6: And yes, I hold my breast when I say that.
- 4:15Speaker 1: I guess my first podcast that I'm producing beyond my
- 4:19Speaker 1: own is.
- 4:21Speaker 3: You're the problem with Yaminika. But you're the fucking problem,
- 4:24Speaker 3: not the problem. You're the problem. Listen. I am a
- 4:27Speaker 3: part of the collective of the problem.
- 4:29Speaker 6: So when I say you're the problem, I'm also saying
- 4:31Speaker 6: that to myself a lot. I'm glad you're saying that
- 4:34Speaker 6: we need to talk about and we have to do
- 4:36Speaker 6: the fact that you've bought three rotisserie chickens in three
- 4:38Speaker 6: days and haven't even finished them, that they were delicious
- 4:44Speaker 6: every day she never finished.
- 4:47Speaker 1: This was twenty two dollars one juice. It's the Hanley.
- 4:50Speaker 1: What are you doing?
- 4:50Speaker 3: I don't know.
- 4:52Speaker 1: We should get a discout from Haley. I'll DM her.
- 4:55Speaker 3: No, don't listen. Is this her? Haley? Let me tell
- 4:57Speaker 3: you something, baby, I.
- 4:58Speaker 1: Have to smoke a joint for this episode because I
- 5:00Speaker 1: can't deal with her. Can I tell she drives me
- 5:02Speaker 1: to drink and smoke.
- 5:03Speaker 6: Yeah, well you're drinking and smoke it anyway. So what
- 5:06Speaker 6: were you doing all the damn years before you met me?
- 5:08Speaker 1: I was drinking and smoking for a different Now you're
- 5:10Speaker 1: the reason I'm drinking and smoking.
- 5:12Speaker 7: Haley.
- 5:12Speaker 6: This smoothie here, it's the thing I drink every morning
- 5:16Speaker 6: and keep my bowls regular.
- 5:18Speaker 3: I suck this down and it is muddy tunnel. Do
- 5:22Speaker 3: you hear me? That's why they's so damn thin.
- 5:24Speaker 6: When you spend twenty two dollars for a smoothie, you
- 5:27Speaker 6: don't have money to eat for the rest of the day.
- 5:30Speaker 3: That's it. That's right.
- 5:32Speaker 8: Basically, Rachel Ray back in the day.
- 5:33Speaker 1: She goes, she buys a rotissery chicken every day, and
- 5:35Speaker 1: then she goes, oh, I got you all chicken. No
- 5:37Speaker 1: one wants it. No one wants the chicken you bought
- 5:39Speaker 1: chicken noodle suit the other day. It's still in the fridge,
- 5:41Speaker 1: a huge pint of it. There's you haven't touched it.
- 5:44Speaker 1: You don't eat any of the stuff that you buy,
- 5:47Speaker 1: so what are you doing with it?
- 5:48Speaker 3: Is this like that we might have a problem.
- 5:52Speaker 6: I get excited about purchases and things looking like, oh,
- 5:56Speaker 6: this is gonna look cute in the refrigerator. So yeah,
- 5:58Speaker 6: a sixteen dollars soup makes no sense, but it looks
- 6:02Speaker 6: cute and refrigerator. And that's what she's not gonna tell you.
- 6:04Speaker 6: It looks good in refrigerator. But also have her tell
- 6:07Speaker 6: you this. The reason why I haven't eaten it yet
- 6:09Speaker 6: is because this bitch also has one in there, So
- 6:12Speaker 6: why would I open mine up.
- 6:13Speaker 3: If you don't have yours open yet?
- 6:15Speaker 1: What my chicken?
- 6:15Speaker 3: You have a chicken noodle soup?
- 6:18Speaker 1: Chicken nood you do I have? I never even ordered that.
- 6:20Speaker 1: I never get Do you want to go to probably yours?
- 6:23Speaker 1: You dumbass?
- 6:24Speaker 9: Not?
- 6:24Speaker 1: You probably got it and you forgot that you bought it.
- 6:27Speaker 1: Like everything else, every she waits you, I would you, though,
- 6:33Speaker 1: I would you?
- 6:34Speaker 7: I mean.
- 6:36Speaker 3: Chicken noodle soup twice okay.
- 6:38Speaker 1: The other day she goes, oh, we can break down
- 6:40Speaker 1: the bones from the rotisserie chicken. I can make a
- 6:42Speaker 1: nice Yeah, I can make anybody, But when is that
- 6:47Speaker 1: gonna happen? Y No one's making any fucking soup with
- 6:50Speaker 1: some bones. We're not doing that at any point during
- 6:53Speaker 1: your stay here. So that the fantasy that you're living
- 6:56Speaker 1: in about us making bone broth or whatever the fuck
- 6:58Speaker 1: you're talking about is so stupid.
- 7:00Speaker 3: Because you want to do it with me.
- 7:03Speaker 1: The way I see you operate is on another level.
- 7:06Speaker 1: Like I thought I knew her having her in my
- 7:09Speaker 1: house in my space, thank you for breaking in my
- 7:10Speaker 1: house helpfully, Like.
- 7:12Speaker 6: I mean, I know, I've had an amazing time here
- 7:13Speaker 6: it's been really nice having it's the most fun room.
- 7:17Speaker 6: Megan and I had such an amazing time.
- 7:19Speaker 3: There's four bunk beds. When I first heard that, I
- 7:21Speaker 3: was like, this is some stupid ship.
- 7:24Speaker 1: And then I was like a women's presses.
- 7:27Speaker 3: No, it's like everybody has their own little compartment.
- 7:30Speaker 8: Yeah.
- 7:31Speaker 6: Like it was so great, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like
- 7:35Speaker 6: comedy really good.
- 7:36Speaker 3: I love it. Yeah, and thank you for letting me
- 7:38Speaker 3: come in. Listen.
- 7:39Speaker 1: Get you on the right concealer though your facial concealer. Okay,
- 7:42Speaker 1: let me just solve the problem with you buying new
- 7:44Speaker 1: concealer everywhere you go. You're not getting the right color
- 7:47Speaker 1: for your skals.
- 7:47Speaker 6: Okay, so I lost my makeup bag in a couple
- 7:49Speaker 6: of places.
- 7:50Speaker 3: Here's the thing about Chelsea.
- 7:52Speaker 6: She doesn't understand why I don't have my shit together,
- 7:54Speaker 6: but then she got six thousand people keeping her shit together.
- 7:58Speaker 1: I'm by the way, man Ban, by the way, you
- 8:03Speaker 1: have infected all of the people that work with me
- 8:06Speaker 1: and for me, because they're all working for fucking you two. Now,
- 8:09Speaker 1: try to get your shit together. You don't know when
- 8:11Speaker 1: we're going on tour. You're like, oh, you're going to
- 8:13Speaker 1: Medesto I'm gonna rent a car. Why would you rent
- 8:15Speaker 1: a car when we have a car?
- 8:18Speaker 6: No, no, no, ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not,
- 8:21Speaker 6: you're the problem with Yaminika is something that I wanted
- 8:24Speaker 6: to do.
- 8:24Speaker 3: Chelsea also wanted to do.
- 8:26Speaker 6: No matter how she sits here and talks crazy about me,
- 8:29Speaker 6: the woman loves me down to the core, and she
- 8:31Speaker 6: wouldn't let me be on her fucking network if she
- 8:32Speaker 6: really thought I was this dumb and irresponsible.
- 8:35Speaker 10: You're dumb.
- 8:35Speaker 6: I've never said idiot. Dumb, stupid is like what you know,
- 8:39Speaker 6: what do we play taboo? But what I'm saying to
- 8:41Speaker 6: you is we'd like it's such like what we have
- 8:45Speaker 6: going on here is such a fantastic moment and time.
- 8:49Speaker 6: I'm so excited to be on the network. I just
- 8:51Speaker 6: think it is just so I'm just I can't wait.
- 8:55Speaker 6: And I think you.
- 8:56Speaker 1: Talk about on your show. I mean, listener. First of all,
- 8:59Speaker 1: we have a great something something almost.
- 9:01Speaker 3: Like a sisterhood, because we like to each other.
- 9:05Speaker 1: You're annoying, but you're annoying, okay, but well, anyway, we
- 9:09Speaker 1: have a good time together most of the time.
- 9:12Speaker 3: And I do think that you last night we were
- 9:15Speaker 3: at this party.
- 9:16Speaker 6: We was slow grinding awful, and people were walking past
- 9:21Speaker 6: like like people are intrigued by our love but also
- 9:26Speaker 6: like skeptical, but then they're also like also into it.
- 9:29Speaker 6: I've had so many male comics text me and be like,
- 9:32Speaker 6: can you put more videos up of you and Chelsea
- 9:35Speaker 6: wrestling each other?
- 9:36Speaker 3: Do you know when we get together?
- 9:38Speaker 1: I was walking around the party and I like was
- 9:40Speaker 1: so stoned that I forgot where you guys were, and
- 9:42Speaker 1: I kept trying to find that outside area where we
- 9:45Speaker 1: found at the beginning of the night. We were like,
- 9:47Speaker 1: we found a place where you could smoke and sit
- 9:49Speaker 1: outside and dance, and somehow I just got lost and
- 9:51Speaker 1: I kept circling the same group of people and it
- 9:54Speaker 1: was so annoying, and I was like, how do I
- 9:57Speaker 1: find them?
- 9:58Speaker 3: And then what happened, Like the Black Angel, didn't I
- 10:00Speaker 3: come up behind you and go where you've been?
- 10:02Speaker 7: Baby?
- 10:03Speaker 3: And then yeah, that was you got bitch, that was
- 10:09Speaker 3: me you would and we took that picture and ride
- 10:11Speaker 3: her away.
- 10:12Speaker 6: Yeah, absolutely, I knew you were somewhere in need of
- 10:15Speaker 6: mind say that's really.
- 10:17Speaker 8: You know, I mean, somebody that incredible album Chelsea.
- 10:20Speaker 6: I get on Chelsea's nerves. I understand for what she's
- 10:22Speaker 6: a Pisces, I'm a Scorpio.
- 10:24Speaker 3: Where she she.
- 10:25Speaker 1: Says this about forty seven types every days.
- 10:28Speaker 6: If anything, it's just a lot because as a scorpio
- 10:31Speaker 6: the way we don't want to be bothered with people.
- 10:32Speaker 1: But as a Scorpio, you you default your scorpionism all
- 10:36Speaker 1: day long, every because whatever she does, that's fucked up.
- 10:40Speaker 1: I'll be like, that's fucked up. She's like, I'm a
- 10:42Speaker 1: Scorpio and she just defaults to that, and I don't, like,
- 10:46Speaker 1: you can't do that. Let me, you're working around going
- 10:49Speaker 1: I'm a Pisces, deal with it.
- 10:51Speaker 6: She literally did a joke in the rows, I'm a Pisces,
- 10:54Speaker 6: Pete Davis is a Scorpio and Jeff has cancer.
- 10:59Speaker 1: I was so good.
- 11:04Speaker 3: So yeah, I mean we all defer to it.
- 11:06Speaker 6: But what I the reason why I reference it is
- 11:08Speaker 6: because for me, I think people are shocked to see
- 11:13Speaker 6: my relationship with her.
- 11:15Speaker 3: I have these relationships.
- 11:16Speaker 6: There's people in my life that I'm really really close
- 11:19Speaker 6: to and I have these relations too, and they don't
- 11:20Speaker 6: get to see it on a larger scale. But for me,
- 11:23Speaker 6: I'm always guarded, you know, just as a person. And
- 11:26Speaker 6: I know that I'm so sensitive that once I get
- 11:29Speaker 6: into a friendship with somebody, I start sharing my feelings,
- 11:33Speaker 6: my everything, and so I'm very vulnerable with that. But
- 11:36Speaker 6: she is, you know, she really lets me in and
- 11:39Speaker 6: I just love pinching her. I love pinching her little tush.
- 11:42Speaker 6: I love pinching her cheeks. I love pinching her arms,
- 11:46Speaker 6: just like all my friends. It's not Chelsea them doing
- 11:48Speaker 6: it's That's what my friendship is like. It's very loving,
- 11:51Speaker 6: it's very touchy, and it's very like extra.
- 11:55Speaker 1: It's a burden for me. It's a big burden.
- 11:59Speaker 3: It's not loves it. Don't listen to her?
- 12:06Speaker 2: Okay, So how do you keep winding up in Chelsea's bed?
- 12:09Speaker 2: That's that's what I want to know, because apparently it's
- 12:11Speaker 2: having a bunch of.
- 12:12Speaker 1: Times Yamka, what's your version of that story?
- 12:14Speaker 6: I love completely naked and I have seen her completely naked,
- 12:18Speaker 6: So what the so have happened? But what I'm saying
- 12:22Speaker 6: is no, what's the bed of who cares? She looks,
- 12:26Speaker 6: she's thin, She's not even taking up all this bed.
- 12:28Speaker 6: She doesn't need it, So why wouldn't I be in there?
- 12:32Speaker 6: I got my own space.
- 12:33Speaker 3: We're like two miles away from each other, and these
- 12:35Speaker 3: humung is ass beds that she's always in. This bitch
- 12:38Speaker 3: loves a whole last time.
- 12:40Speaker 1: We were in a bead like maybe I told this story.
- 12:43Speaker 1: I don't know. I think I said it to you
- 12:45Speaker 1: once we were recording that I we had her, they
- 12:48Speaker 1: had her come up. I don't know why she's in
- 12:50Speaker 1: my room in the first place. Is a mystery, Okay,
- 12:52Speaker 1: I mean she I did it once and then she's
- 12:54Speaker 1: like every weekend she's like, so maybe on Thursday, I'll
- 12:56Speaker 1: spend the night with you, like, and I'll get a
- 12:58Speaker 1: place the other two nights. But you never know she's
- 13:00Speaker 1: gonna get a place or she's not gonna get a
- 13:02Speaker 1: place in the right city.
- 13:03Speaker 3: We don't know what I do get a place.
- 13:04Speaker 6: They get an attitude about it because I like these
- 13:06Speaker 6: my Marriott points, my bonvoy Marriott points. I'm also gonna
- 13:09Speaker 6: get a discount on bookings dot Com. I'm gonna roll
- 13:12Speaker 6: that over.
- 13:13Speaker 1: I mean, it's expensive, but you're not getting when you're
- 13:16Speaker 1: making the reservation in the wrong city for the wrong Yeah.
- 13:19Speaker 6: I did book the wrong hotel for the wrong day,
- 13:21Speaker 6: for the wrong year. I mean, I don't know I'm
- 13:24Speaker 6: doing what I but I had a place to stay,
- 13:25Speaker 6: did not Yeah in my bed?
- 13:27Speaker 4: Yeah?
- 13:27Speaker 3: Well okay, okay.
- 13:29Speaker 1: How many times she has all her makeup everywhere? She
- 13:35Speaker 1: doesn't even remember her makeup, so it looks like I
- 13:37Speaker 1: did black face and went to s.
- 13:38Speaker 6: I can't help it that you keep your makeup on
- 13:40Speaker 6: and it's the same color as the damn sheets.
- 13:42Speaker 3: Bitch, chocolate cheese. She do, Like sometimes I wonder if
- 13:52Speaker 3: people come in and look at the sheets after you
- 13:54Speaker 3: leave it, but like, what the fuck my entire face
- 13:59Speaker 3: is on it? But I listen.
- 14:00Speaker 6: It's those things too, because like I've been on the
- 14:03Speaker 6: road with so many people and it's like, Chelsea's so fun.
- 14:06Speaker 6: One of the favorite, my favorite things about her is
- 14:09Speaker 6: like when I first started doing the road with her,
- 14:12Speaker 6: I would stay in my place, you know, my green room,
- 14:15Speaker 6: which I thought was great because sometimes you don't even
- 14:16Speaker 6: get a green room as an opener. And I would
- 14:19Speaker 6: be in my green room and she'd be with hers.
- 14:20Speaker 6: And then one time she came in and she was like,
- 14:22Speaker 6: how come you're like not it, you didn't come in here, Like,
- 14:25Speaker 6: how come you don't come in with me? And I
- 14:26Speaker 6: was like, I'm trying to give your space and she
- 14:28Speaker 6: was like I don't want that. She was like, come
- 14:29Speaker 6: in there. And then we went in there and were
- 14:32Speaker 6: you know, Molly was there. We had an amazing time
- 14:35Speaker 6: and it was just fun like ever since then. It
- 14:37Speaker 6: was like such a connection and I was thinking to myself, like, well,
- 14:41Speaker 6: I can't go wait to get back and kick it
- 14:43Speaker 6: with her, because sometimes you go on.
- 14:44Speaker 3: The road, it's the truth. Sometimes you get depressed.
- 14:46Speaker 6: You're like, man, I don't want to be around this
- 14:47Speaker 6: person or treat me like shit. They gonna make me
- 14:49Speaker 6: feel whatever. She brings me on as her special guests.
- 14:52Speaker 6: She's so welcoming and loving. Her audiences are so receptive
- 14:56Speaker 6: and even though she comes out greets everybody, that's the
- 14:59Speaker 6: kind of spirit have. So it's like it just makes
- 15:01Speaker 6: everything seeing you feel seen, you feel loved.
- 15:05Speaker 3: And that's what she did for me, so like I'll
- 15:06Speaker 3: never forget that.
- 15:08Speaker 1: You know, yeah that is real sweet. But be able
- 15:13Speaker 1: to yell at you for at least six more hours.
- 15:15Speaker 1: You'll find what time is your flight tonight?
- 15:17Speaker 3: Nine?
- 15:27Speaker 1: She'll be like, will you drive me to the airport?
- 15:29Speaker 1: Don't you think? She'll suggest She'll suggest things that are
- 15:32Speaker 1: like great for her that no consideration of how it
- 15:35Speaker 1: would make me feel.
- 15:36Speaker 2: Also, no one wants to drive anyone.
- 15:39Speaker 6: I hate having people drive. Like poor Carlos, he has
- 15:42Speaker 6: to deal with mine. I have a phobia of driving.
- 15:44Speaker 3: This has been for a long time. One of my
- 15:46Speaker 3: sisters was killed in a car accident.
- 15:47Speaker 6: So ever since then, it was always like, you know,
- 15:51Speaker 6: I'm constantly aware of like, oh, we're doing this. I
- 15:53Speaker 6: don't want to die. I don't want my father to
- 15:55Speaker 6: have to go through this trauma again. My family have
- 15:56Speaker 6: to go through this trauma again. But Chelsea drove me
- 15:59Speaker 6: the other day.
- 16:00Speaker 3: He drove me around.
- 16:00Speaker 6: She's a really great driver, and I felt good. You know,
- 16:03Speaker 6: she is like surprisingly, she was really great. I was like, wow,
- 16:08Speaker 6: I didn't trust her at all, but I did.
- 16:11Speaker 1: Ask you about me. You should go. She's an excellent driver.
- 16:14Speaker 3: Though I told you that I was yeah, she didn't
- 16:20Speaker 3: hear anything from me. I had no complain.
- 16:22Speaker 1: I was like thank you. No one and everyone in
- 16:24Speaker 1: my family I would disagree with you, but I appreciate
- 16:26Speaker 1: you recognizing.
- 16:28Speaker 3: Maybe they think it's scary, but I'm like, she's on
- 16:31Speaker 3: top of it.
- 16:31Speaker 6: Part of driving that people don't have it's people are
- 16:34Speaker 6: doing a thousand things that are not paying attention and
- 16:36Speaker 6: they're not aware.
- 16:37Speaker 3: Of the surroundings.
- 16:38Speaker 6: That's what makes it dangerous. But Chelsea is very aware
- 16:41Speaker 6: of what's going on. She's a Pisces. Pisces are like that,
- 16:44Speaker 6: detail orientated and they also don't fuck around.
- 16:47Speaker 3: So that's why.
- 16:48Speaker 6: You know, my other friend Andy, who I'm obsessed with,
- 16:51Speaker 6: he's a Pisces. I've had Pisces in my life. I
- 16:53Speaker 6: just love Pisces. They get along with Scorpio well, and
- 16:57Speaker 6: it just feels goods too.
- 17:00Speaker 9: There you go.
- 17:02Speaker 8: Any time?
- 17:03Speaker 3: Yeah, no, there you go. Yeah, well, baby, I was.
- 17:08Speaker 1: Just thinking about astrology and like how often it comes
- 17:12Speaker 1: up with it.
- 17:13Speaker 3: It does come up a lot. Yeah, it started.
- 17:16Speaker 1: Are you well versed on every sign like this?
- 17:19Speaker 3: Every time I have sex with a man, I'm.
- 17:22Speaker 1: I'm the phoner in person because she has fun sex.
- 17:27Speaker 11: On the road.
- 17:28Speaker 1: They look at that look right there is First of all,
- 17:31Speaker 1: she has five personalities. One is Rashonda, the one is Lucy,
- 17:36Speaker 1: one is Denzel, and then.
- 17:39Speaker 6: One is don But I told you, I said I
- 17:41Speaker 6: will not let your white ass called me, So you've.
- 17:45Speaker 3: Got to find a new name. It'd be Barbara or
- 17:49Speaker 3: some ship like that, but is the helpful spirit.
- 17:54Speaker 1: Lucy will come in out of nowhere and all of
- 17:55Speaker 1: a sudden because she has you know, she has different
- 17:58Speaker 1: accents she talks in, so she's bored line or something. Yeah,
- 18:02Speaker 1: borderline five of them. I thought borderline meant too, but
- 18:06Speaker 1: it's not. That's a slip personality she has like several
- 18:10Speaker 1: people I do. So it's pretty tricky because she but
- 18:13Speaker 1: the good thing is is that she can always snap
- 18:16Speaker 1: back quickly, so it doesn't like, even though it's a
- 18:19Speaker 1: very a lot of drama. And I'm saying that in
- 18:22Speaker 1: a patronizing way kind of like, even though it comes
- 18:25Speaker 1: with a lot of drama, she recovers from the drama,
- 18:27Speaker 1: so the drama doesn't last. There's no it's not a
- 18:29Speaker 1: long duration. Yeah, but there's always drama.
- 18:33Speaker 6: But the thing about it is the thing and I
- 18:35Speaker 6: think they're learning this. I have to internalize everything so
- 18:38Speaker 6: I can deal with it. So that's why it doesn't stay.
- 18:41Speaker 1: It's you.
- 18:41Speaker 6: If you catch me in the midst of dealing with
- 18:43Speaker 6: something that's drama, I'm focused and my spirit is on that.
- 18:47Speaker 6: So you'd be like, oh my god, Yeahma, what's wrong
- 18:49Speaker 6: with you really just leave me, give me five minutes
- 18:51Speaker 6: to process this, and by the time you come back
- 18:54Speaker 6: to me, I'm gonna be fine because my drama is
- 18:56Speaker 6: never with the people. It's always my environment, and I'm
- 18:59Speaker 6: trying to clear that up. But I don't if I'm
- 19:02Speaker 6: not like, if I don't like you, I wouldn't be
- 19:03Speaker 6: around you. So I always tell people like, if I'm
- 19:06Speaker 6: gonna be upset, I may have an attitude, I may
- 19:09Speaker 6: get scared, but it's not directed at you. And I'm
- 19:12Speaker 6: also trying to fix that for myself so that I
- 19:14Speaker 6: can come back to you and be Yama again, you know,
- 19:18Speaker 6: like the funny girl.
- 19:19Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's really funny watching also not funny, I guess,
- 19:25Speaker 1: more interesting and like from like our own experiences, Like
- 19:29Speaker 1: watching how she goes through the world is like ridiculous.
- 19:31Speaker 1: It's shocking to me. I'm shocked cause she's the type
- 19:34Speaker 1: B personality, but she do but but she's also like
- 19:37Speaker 1: her background and her experiences are so different than mine.
- 19:41Speaker 1: So for us to come together and to be able
- 19:43Speaker 1: to like share, of course, she wants to sleep in
- 19:46Speaker 1: my room because she's like, oh, you got your fucking
- 19:47Speaker 1: shit dialed in, Let's go it's time my shit is
- 19:51Speaker 1: dialed in because you know, I've had different experiences in
- 19:54Speaker 1: my life and like, well, you know that that contrast
- 19:57Speaker 1: is very like fun to learn about, you know, oh,
- 20:00Speaker 1: like someone's experience that is so different.
- 20:02Speaker 3: Well for me, like, okay, so my background is.
- 20:06Speaker 6: In terms of you being Puerto Rican, I was sure.
- 20:09Speaker 6: I've always been isolated as a person. I mean, I
- 20:11Speaker 6: have three beautiful half sisters. We have different mothers. One
- 20:15Speaker 6: is in heaven, two are living. But I grew up
- 20:18Speaker 6: an only child, and I grew up a theater kid
- 20:20Speaker 6: as well, and I went to parochial school where a
- 20:22Speaker 6: lot of shit was going on. I was being you know,
- 20:25Speaker 6: I was being called the N word every day. A
- 20:27Speaker 6: whole bunch of shit was going on. So I withdrew
- 20:31Speaker 6: very early on in life to just be a loner,
- 20:34Speaker 6: right and not really open up to people and be
- 20:37Speaker 6: around people. And also I'm combating that I wasn't the
- 20:41Speaker 6: traditional like my background is pretty conservative, and I was
- 20:46Speaker 6: always pushing against that, you know.
- 20:48Speaker 3: So for me, it's like there is a reckless abandon
- 20:50Speaker 3: with me. I fuck it, I don't care.
- 20:53Speaker 6: Nobody's gonna tell me how to be, how to live
- 20:55Speaker 6: you're not going to restrict me in any ways, and
- 20:57Speaker 6: sometimes that can come off very chaotic. And then I
- 21:00Speaker 6: get to be around Chelsea and I get to relax
- 21:02Speaker 6: because she knows what she wants, She's got her head
- 21:05Speaker 6: on straight, and everything is just in line. So sometimes
- 21:08Speaker 6: I do feel like I can just lay with her
- 21:11Speaker 6: and not have to worry about certain things, you know,
- 21:14Speaker 6: and that feels feels good.
- 21:17Speaker 1: I like to provide that you do.
- 21:21Speaker 3: You know, our backgrounds are a lot more similar than
- 21:23Speaker 3: you think.
- 21:24Speaker 6: But I think for me to come back into a
- 21:27Speaker 6: space where, like you know, I'm almost fifty, I'm forty seven,
- 21:31Speaker 6: there's a lot of things going on where I'm looking
- 21:33Speaker 6: at myself as an adult too, Like how do I
- 21:36Speaker 6: want to show up in the world. How do I
- 21:38Speaker 6: want to show up around other people and make them
- 21:41Speaker 6: feel better about shitty situations. I felt neglected, I felt unseen,
- 21:45Speaker 6: I felt unloved. And that's why the volume is so loud,
- 21:48Speaker 6: That's why it is so much in your face, because
- 21:51Speaker 6: I know I sat home and cried, and I don't
- 21:54Speaker 6: want anybody else to do that. So I appreciate people
- 21:56Speaker 6: who say to me, you know what, you made me
- 21:58Speaker 6: feel good, like your material. I like what you're saying.
- 22:02Speaker 6: I feel represented. That's a really big deal for me.
- 22:04Speaker 6: So right now, Also, my focus is just comedy. It's
- 22:07Speaker 6: not necessarily where I'm living.
- 22:09Speaker 3: What close I got on, you know, I'm just a
- 22:12Speaker 3: nomad running around this world, going to CVSS, going to
- 22:15Speaker 3: cv CVS.
- 22:17Speaker 1: Marshall's different. She was dragging around a suitcase, this little
- 22:21Speaker 1: mini like what would you call that purse?
- 22:24Speaker 3: It's a person is boutique in Las Vegas. It was great.
- 22:27Speaker 6: She didn't like it, and then I let this bitch
- 22:29Speaker 6: pressure me into getting rid of it. When I was
- 22:32Speaker 6: at LaGuardia, I still had the bag. I said, oh shit,
- 22:35Speaker 6: she doesn't like this bag. She's gonna dog me for
- 22:37Speaker 6: this bag. So I went and bought a new bag
- 22:40Speaker 6: at LaGuardia, and then I said to the woman that
- 22:43Speaker 6: was I was buying it from. I was like, oh
- 22:44Speaker 6: my god, I don't know what I'm gonna do with
- 22:46Speaker 6: this bag, and she goes, oh, I'll find somebody to
- 22:48Speaker 6: take it. I was like, I bet you will, bitch.
- 22:50Speaker 6: It was a fantastic bag. But then this person told
- 22:55Speaker 6: me that she.
- 22:55Speaker 3: Didn't like it. I don't like you looked like a bag.
- 22:58Speaker 1: Lady sophisticated one wasn't She was open and ship was
- 23:03Speaker 1: spilling out of it because she's got liquids. She travels.
- 23:06Speaker 1: Her suitcase is filled with different liquids like drinks, like
- 23:09Speaker 1: energy drinks are in the suitcase that she travels a lot.
- 23:12Speaker 3: Of way to just liquid is good.
- 23:16Speaker 6: Stop eating whole ship, Stop eating substances of like conversation.
- 23:23Speaker 1: Did you spoke a joint?
- 23:24Speaker 3: I didn't give me some of this? Oh no, I
- 23:26Speaker 3: got to get another one, little dog walker? I know
- 23:29Speaker 3: I should have got Remember I have that big one.
- 23:32Speaker 3: Should I go get that can break doing this? You
- 23:36Speaker 3: didn't want that? I got the eighth of the world.
- 23:37Speaker 10: Give me this.
- 23:38Speaker 3: The light, the light, the light.
- 23:39Speaker 7: Baby.
- 23:41Speaker 3: Well it's so small.
- 23:42Speaker 1: It's a dog walker.
- 23:44Speaker 3: What does that mean?
- 23:46Speaker 1: The fleet last?
- 23:47Speaker 8: The amount of time to listen to.
- 23:51Speaker 1: This is really funny.
- 23:52Speaker 3: This is like a snack.
- 23:54Speaker 1: It's like a snack joint.
- 23:56Speaker 3: So the dog got to piss, poop right away and
- 23:58Speaker 3: then come back. Because this is my cats wouldney more
- 24:02Speaker 3: than it is a bottle walk?
- 24:03Speaker 7: Fim?
- 24:08Speaker 10: Are we supposed to take callers for this?
- 24:09Speaker 1: We got we got collar, all right, so let's do that.
- 24:15Speaker 8: Okay, all right?
- 24:16Speaker 2: Our first caller today is Bella and her subject line,
- 24:19Speaker 2: by the way, is my brother's wife's lover. What Dear Chelsea,
- 24:24Speaker 2: My brother just dropped a huge bomb on me. My
- 24:27Speaker 2: brother's ten years my junior, and we have always been
- 24:29Speaker 2: very close. We lived in the same building together in
- 24:31Speaker 2: NYC for over twenty years. He moved out ten years
- 24:34Speaker 2: ago when he and his wife had their first child.
- 24:36Speaker 2: While on a peaceful vacation, recently, my brother called with
- 24:39Speaker 2: a bombshell. He told me his wife is having a
- 24:41Speaker 2: consensual affair with a female family friend. He said they
- 24:45Speaker 2: were all open to it at first, but now his
- 24:47Speaker 2: wife has feelings for the other woman, who is also
- 24:49Speaker 2: married to a man. I was stunned, cried, and I
- 24:53Speaker 2: was upset. Not because I'm judgy. I'm open, liberal and fair.
- 24:57Speaker 2: My feelings were reactive for the kids and the family dynamic.
- 25:01Speaker 2: He's now unhappy with the agreement and she is conflicted.
- 25:04Speaker 2: My main concern is for the children.
- 25:06Speaker 1: I did advise my brother, but I need additional advice.
- 25:08Speaker 1: What would you do if this was your brother? What
- 25:10Speaker 1: would you advise him?
- 25:11Speaker 3: Bella?
- 25:12Speaker 2: Hi, Bella, Hi, We've got Yaminika here.
- 25:15Speaker 3: Hi Bella, my baby, how are you.
- 25:19Speaker 8: I I'm well hi, Chelsea.
- 25:21Speaker 1: Oh god, what an interesting dilemma. It's kind of like
- 25:24Speaker 1: a I mean, I know this is your family member
- 25:27Speaker 1: and your brother, but it's kind of like a sign
- 25:29Speaker 1: of the times, like women are just like we're wrapped.
- 25:33Speaker 1: Women are rapped with men. They're ready for it to
- 25:36Speaker 1: be with a woman like it is. It's so prevalent,
- 25:39Speaker 1: and it's like we're on the cusp of like it
- 25:41Speaker 1: becoming an even bigger thing, like at the tipping point. Almost.
- 25:45Speaker 9: Yeah, it's not actually the shock of the woman, it's
- 25:49Speaker 9: just how she went about it and just the disrespect,
- 25:54Speaker 9: you know, like this big bomb.
- 25:57Speaker 1: Where are things right now?
- 25:58Speaker 2: Is has there been a transition at all? Everyone's still
- 26:00Speaker 2: living in their same homes?
- 26:02Speaker 8: Yeah, so everyone is still living in the same homes.
- 26:06Speaker 7: You know.
- 26:06Speaker 8: My mom lives in the house too, my eighty two
- 26:10Speaker 8: year old mother.
- 26:11Speaker 3: Oh, and she got to deal with all this musical
- 26:13Speaker 3: chairs in the bedroom. Yeah, does she know what's going on?
- 26:17Speaker 8: She does.
- 26:18Speaker 3: What's opinion about all of this?
- 26:21Speaker 9: Well, she's eighty two years old, and she was incredibly
- 26:25Speaker 9: shocked and you know, surprised because this is someone that
- 26:30Speaker 9: was hanging out with our family, Like I said, I
- 26:33Speaker 9: moved up here, very close to my brother, the kids
- 26:35Speaker 9: and everybody, and this woman was around. We had a
- 26:40Speaker 9: holiday together, we had Thanksgiving together.
- 26:43Speaker 3: Are you still in New York?
- 26:45Speaker 8: I'm an hour north of New York.
- 26:47Speaker 6: Now, whenever you come into the city, I got two
- 26:50Speaker 6: tickets for you. Come see me at the cellar. Okay,
- 26:53Speaker 6: just for this wod deal. Maybe bring your brother in.
- 26:55Speaker 6: Let me know how many tikeies need. I'll take care
- 26:57Speaker 6: of you. Maybe we can work this out there. I
- 27:01Speaker 6: got you, We'll connect, Okay. I think what the problem
- 27:05Speaker 6: is is you see this as a betrayal. But we
- 27:08Speaker 6: have to go back to the beginning that it was consensual, right,
- 27:11Speaker 6: So at some point it seems like your brother agreed
- 27:14Speaker 6: to this dynamic, and you can't help falling in love
- 27:18Speaker 6: with somebody once you open the door of intimacy. So
- 27:21Speaker 6: if she didn't just went into a physical thing and
- 27:24Speaker 6: didn't know she was going to fall in love, It's
- 27:26Speaker 6: like Chelsea would say, whipsie doodle. But once you have
- 27:31Speaker 6: to think about all the things that you open up
- 27:33Speaker 6: when you put yourself in that situation. Now, on the
- 27:35Speaker 6: flip side, I do understand what you mean about the kids.
- 27:40Speaker 3: How they're gonna.
- 27:40Speaker 6: Feel this whole relationship dynamic. But we are in a
- 27:44Speaker 6: time where the world is changing. In our time, if
- 27:47Speaker 6: something like that happened, people would have to go to therapy,
- 27:50Speaker 6: nobody would know what to do, and then it would
- 27:52Speaker 6: be hush hush. Now the children, your nieces and nephews
- 27:55Speaker 6: are also dealing with other kids who are also having
- 27:59Speaker 6: the sype with dynamic mix in their families, so it
- 28:01Speaker 6: won't be so isolating for them.
- 28:03Speaker 3: So I think if you can somehow find a way,
- 28:06Speaker 3: which is going to be hard.
- 28:07Speaker 6: Right, to not be so emotional about it and see
- 28:11Speaker 6: how you can come in and maybe help write or
- 28:13Speaker 6: be a lending hand to them how they need it,
- 28:16Speaker 6: that would be better served for them than the judgment
- 28:18Speaker 6: that they're getting through this process.
- 28:21Speaker 8: I agree with you, I do, I do. But you
- 28:25Speaker 8: know where we are now is in a very.
- 28:27Speaker 6: Small town and everybody and everybody business right, correct.
- 28:32Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the advice that you gave your brother?
- 28:35Speaker 9: Well, at the time, I just told them to take
- 28:37Speaker 9: a step back. And yes, I agree with Yaminika was consensual.
- 28:42Speaker 8: You know, they were doing their thing more than I
- 28:47Speaker 8: ever expected.
- 28:48Speaker 10: But that's all good.
- 28:49Speaker 9: You know, you do you I think, yeah, now, it's
- 28:52Speaker 9: more like the betrayal, like you said, the disrespect to
- 28:56Speaker 9: my mom, to the family, to the kids.
- 28:58Speaker 2: And wow, well I have a question about that, because
- 29:03Speaker 2: where is the disrespect coming in. Is this our betrayal
- 29:06Speaker 2: coming in because it sounds like everybody was on board
- 29:08Speaker 2: with this when it started. I don't know that it
- 29:10Speaker 2: is a betrayal to say, well, I started a relationship
- 29:14Speaker 2: with this other person with everyone's consent, and then I fell.
- 29:17Speaker 3: In love with this person.
- 29:19Speaker 9: I mean, was there other stuff going on or well
- 29:23Speaker 9: he had asked her to stop when it started getting
- 29:26Speaker 9: too crazy, because then they agreed that they were going
- 29:29Speaker 9: to stop because it was getting out of hand, okay,
- 29:32Speaker 9: And then when he asked her to stop, it just continued,
- 29:37Speaker 9: and she was, you know, kind of sneaking around and
- 29:40Speaker 9: going around and yeah, he behaved badly too during this time.
- 29:44Speaker 9: And then he had said to her, listen, this is
- 29:46Speaker 9: going to destroy us, to destroy the family, and sure enough,
- 29:51Speaker 9: here we are.
- 29:52Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a belly you can't unring, you know.
- 29:56Speaker 9: I guess the disrespect to me now is that she's
- 29:59Speaker 9: still running around with this woman with the kids, and
- 30:04Speaker 9: I just keep thinking, I mean, if it were a double.
- 30:06Speaker 9: See if my brother now falls in love with a
- 30:08Speaker 9: man and takes the kids around with the man, how
- 30:12Speaker 9: will she feel about.
- 30:13Speaker 1: I have to be really honest with you in this moment.
- 30:16Speaker 1: I feel like you have I know it's your brother,
- 30:18Speaker 1: but you have so much judgment coming from you. You're
- 30:22Speaker 1: not She's not trying to humiliate you. She's not. This
- 30:26Speaker 1: isn't intentional. You can't help it. Like they had an
- 30:29Speaker 1: open relationship and she fell in love, And I know
- 30:31Speaker 1: that's hurtful for you to your brother, but like, you
- 30:33Speaker 1: have to let go of your anger towards her. It's
- 30:37Speaker 1: not going to be helpful. That energy is not going
- 30:40Speaker 1: to help the situation that you're in at all. You
- 30:42Speaker 1: need to be a positive influence on the situation and
- 30:45Speaker 1: positively support your brother. You don't need to hate on
- 30:48Speaker 1: this woman and what she did to support your brother. Like,
- 30:52Speaker 1: it's life. Shit happens. People fall in love and they
- 30:55Speaker 1: fall out of love, And what you can do is
- 30:57Speaker 1: be a beam of light and support for your brother.
- 31:00Speaker 1: And that's all. You don't have to deal with her Like, yes,
- 31:03Speaker 1: I know it's part of your life, but give her
- 31:04Speaker 1: a break. Just be cool.
- 31:07Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think you know, being the age that
- 31:10Speaker 2: we are, we grew up in this era of compulsory
- 31:13Speaker 2: heterosexuality right where it was like the default is that
- 31:16Speaker 2: you are straight, and this woman, I think, has discovered that,
- 31:19Speaker 2: like her sexuality is somewhere else on the spectrum other
- 31:23Speaker 2: than just straight.
- 31:24Speaker 1: And there's a judgment for that from you as well,
- 31:26Speaker 1: Like I can see you know, and you got it like, yeah,
- 31:29Speaker 1: that's old, that's old thinking, that's like the olden times.
- 31:33Speaker 1: It's okay, it's not humiliating that she's a lesbian. Now,
- 31:37Speaker 1: that's not a humiliation on your family.
- 31:39Speaker 6: It's not a humiliation at all, right, But also the
- 31:44Speaker 6: sting of it is that's family, right, so it no
- 31:47Speaker 6: matter what, once you betray my family, like I'm done
- 31:51Speaker 6: with you. When they were supposed to stop, she should
- 31:54Speaker 6: have been honest at that point said I can't stop
- 31:56Speaker 6: because now I'm in love. Let's take sexuality out of
- 32:00Speaker 6: it for a second, because when she went into the shit,
- 32:02Speaker 6: she was at the very least by because she's going
- 32:05Speaker 6: she went to go fuck a woman, not a man.
- 32:07Speaker 3: Okay, so we could take that off the table.
- 32:09Speaker 6: What happened is whatever she found over there on that table,
- 32:14Speaker 6: it was replacing more than whatever your brother was giving her.
- 32:18Speaker 6: She fell in love, not in lust. In love that
- 32:22Speaker 6: means I want you outside of fucking you. I want
- 32:25Speaker 6: the relationship. I want to see you, I want to talk.
- 32:28Speaker 6: You are my person. And I think they need to
- 32:30Speaker 6: be honest about maybe they just need to separate altogether.
- 32:35Speaker 8: Yes, yeah, And I'm not being judging that it's a woman. Honestly,
- 32:39Speaker 8: I'm not not not judging.
- 32:40Speaker 6: But you know what, Bill, let me just say this,
- 32:41Speaker 6: and I'm saying this out of love. When you said
- 32:44Speaker 6: how would they feel if my brother was going around
- 32:49Speaker 6: with a man? That makes it a judgment on sexuality
- 32:52Speaker 6: because why didn't you just say if he was going
- 32:54Speaker 6: around with another lover?
- 32:56Speaker 7: Right?
- 32:56Speaker 6: So when you say things like that, it sings like
- 32:59Speaker 6: maybe there's a little bit of homophobia there, maybe there's
- 33:02Speaker 6: some concern. Why are you so concerned about male and
- 33:05Speaker 6: female in this situation? But at the same time, I
- 33:09Speaker 6: think emotions are going to be high for you regardless
- 33:11Speaker 6: because this is your brother. The way you described him
- 33:14Speaker 6: in this letter was like, oh, they really fuck with
- 33:17Speaker 6: each other like that, and she loves her brother dad right, right,
- 33:19Speaker 6: So your judgment is completely clouded in this situation.
- 33:22Speaker 2: Well, and I think like the place you want to
- 33:24Speaker 2: get to, or you want your brother to get to
- 33:27Speaker 2: is however this shakes out whoever winds up with whom
- 33:30Speaker 2: You want those kids to have happiness, to have adults
- 33:34Speaker 2: in their life that love them, even if.
- 33:36Speaker 3: That's not your brother together.
- 33:38Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, like people who love them and care for them.
- 33:41Speaker 2: You want them to feel held. But like there's gonna
- 33:44Speaker 2: be some complicated stuff to get to that point. So
- 33:47Speaker 2: I think your role here is just to like absolutely
- 33:50Speaker 2: support everyone, be there for the kids, and then also
- 33:53Speaker 2: like speak positively about their mom, like nothing is gonna
- 33:56Speaker 2: come of, you know, any trash or negativity there.
- 34:00Speaker 8: And definitely nothing like that. Yeah, no, I don't think
- 34:03Speaker 8: you would.
- 34:04Speaker 2: But just getting everyone as quickly as possible and as
- 34:07Speaker 2: smoothly as possible to the place where like they can
- 34:10Speaker 2: have multiple families that love them and everyone gets along
- 34:14Speaker 2: really well, even though there's going to be some complicated
- 34:16Speaker 2: stuff in the middle.
- 34:17Speaker 1: Yeah, and it happens, It can happen.
- 34:20Speaker 3: We've all seen it.
- 34:20Speaker 1: Think about it like you'd want to think about it
- 34:22Speaker 1: in five years, Like you handled this with grace and
- 34:25Speaker 1: a plum, you know, like, oh you were a beam
- 34:29Speaker 1: of support for people, and you helped transition them into
- 34:32Speaker 1: the next phase.
- 34:33Speaker 6: And I see a lot of you and me Bela
- 34:35Speaker 6: in terms of like like I receive information. I know
- 34:38Speaker 6: some of this may be grading on you, but also
- 34:41Speaker 6: some of it. You're glad you know you're receiving this.
- 34:44Speaker 6: Take all that we've given you, and then run it
- 34:46Speaker 6: through your own filter, which is what I would be doing,
- 34:48Speaker 6: and then find.
- 34:49Speaker 1: Out because find your local cvs H.
- 34:53Speaker 3: But you know, I really feel for you in this situation.
- 34:55Speaker 6: You have such a beautiful presence about yourself and spirit,
- 34:58Speaker 6: and I know you just want the best. So but
- 35:00Speaker 6: I know for me there was nothing. There's nothing better
- 35:04Speaker 6: in my life than my aunt, no matter what the
- 35:07Speaker 6: love of mind.
- 35:08Speaker 8: And I honestly I know I'm I'm not judging. I mean,
- 35:12Speaker 8: trust me.
- 35:13Speaker 9: If I could describe my life in New York City,
- 35:16Speaker 9: I was wild and in every gay club like it's
- 35:21Speaker 9: nothing like that at all.
- 35:23Speaker 3: Yeah, I was with you.
- 35:25Speaker 1: Yeah, probably absolutely.
- 35:29Speaker 8: No problem with that.
- 35:30Speaker 9: It's the problem I have is mainly just with with
- 35:34Speaker 9: the bomb that went off and the disrespect, and and
- 35:39Speaker 9: I worry for my niece and nephew mainly.
- 35:43Speaker 3: Really they'll be fine. I promise you they'll be fine.
- 35:47Speaker 3: They really will.
- 35:48Speaker 6: It's not Mayberry, it's not leave it to Beava. It's
- 35:52Speaker 6: people doing all kinds of shit out here in this world.
- 35:55Speaker 3: Okay.
- 35:55Speaker 6: And what you told me is dame compared to what
- 35:58Speaker 6: I've been showing Chelsea Dix from some guy barely know.
- 36:00Speaker 3: And it's like, you know, with him off, it's like,
- 36:04Speaker 3: so when you talk.
- 36:05Speaker 1: About that, Yeah, she has phone sex three times is so.
- 36:09Speaker 6: Amazing, you know whatever, It's gorgeous, I mean, delicious, Okay, appropriate,
- 36:14Speaker 6: I know.
- 36:15Speaker 1: Okay, Bella, take our take our advice, like listen to
- 36:22Speaker 1: what we said, and then we like we listen to
- 36:24Speaker 1: this because it will help you.
- 36:26Speaker 9: Okay, yeah, yeah, I definitely will. I'll follow up and
- 36:31Speaker 9: like you all know, please.
- 36:34Speaker 2: Put us in like six months or so and like
- 36:36Speaker 2: let us know how things are shaking out over there.
- 36:37Speaker 9: Okay, definitely, thank you, take care, bye bye.
- 36:44Speaker 6: That was that was always give us some really fucking
- 36:47Speaker 6: great advice.
- 36:48Speaker 1: I can't stand in love with me. It's another personality.
- 36:54Speaker 1: This is what which what?
- 36:55Speaker 7: This is?
- 36:56Speaker 1: What I want to what can we call it? What's
- 36:58Speaker 1: our name for the one that loves me?
- 37:01Speaker 7: Just me?
- 37:01Speaker 1: Though?
- 37:02Speaker 3: Like, were you let's call her Justine.
- 37:05Speaker 1: Oh that's boring. What about Lawanda?
- 37:08Speaker 3: What do you always every fucking name you pull up
- 37:11Speaker 3: got to be so bitch that goes to the swap
- 37:14Speaker 3: meet in Anglewood?
- 37:15Speaker 1: Stop it, Chelsea, what's our next situation?
- 37:24Speaker 8: Okay?
- 37:24Speaker 2: So with that was that was a little messy, We're
- 37:27Speaker 2: gonna about to get a little messy or these are
- 37:30Speaker 2: good yes, so McKinley says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a forty
- 37:38Speaker 2: three or are we.
- 37:42Speaker 4: Both?
- 37:42Speaker 6: Would you said it was getting messy and and you
- 37:45Speaker 6: took the words writing about Okay?
- 37:49Speaker 2: Okay, dear Chelsea, I'm a forty three year old ex
- 37:53Speaker 2: Mormon trans guy with two kids from parents weird. I'm
- 38:03Speaker 2: a forty three year old ex Mormon trans man got
- 38:08Speaker 2: it with two kids from my previous marriage to a man. Okay, Yeah,
- 38:17Speaker 2: my birthday is coming back, and I'm really hoping this
- 38:19Speaker 2: next year is less about cleaning up all my exes.
- 38:22Speaker 2: Whoosie doodles. My main issue is with my kid's dad.
- 38:26Speaker 2: On paper, he's supposed to have visitations, but in real
- 38:29Speaker 2: life I spent years bending over backwards to make visits happen.
- 38:32Speaker 2: Visits eventually stopped because he constantly dropped the ball. He
- 38:36Speaker 2: would drink when he had them, sometimes to the point
- 38:38Speaker 2: that the kids would call me scared or confused, and
- 38:40Speaker 2: I'd have to drive an hour each way to pick
- 38:42Speaker 2: them up while also trying to convince the kids that
- 38:45Speaker 2: this was all normal dad stuff. He acts like I
- 38:48Speaker 2: quote took the kids away even though he was barely
- 38:50Speaker 2: showing up. Meanwhile, our youngest is exploring her gender identity
- 38:53Speaker 2: now and he doesn't even know, so I'm stuck between
- 38:56Speaker 2: wanting to protect her privacy and feeling like I'm hiding
- 38:59Speaker 2: something huge about his own kid from a man who
- 39:01Speaker 2: hasn't exactly earned trust. As a bonus side quest, I
- 39:05Speaker 2: also have an ex fiance who I own a house
- 39:07Speaker 2: with which we're trying to untangle after a breakup. Through
- 39:10Speaker 2: all of this, I clearly have a history of choosing
- 39:12Speaker 2: bad partners, and the universe keeps handing me group projects.
- 39:16Speaker 2: Now I'm in the Midwest trying to build a good
- 39:17Speaker 2: life with my girlfriend who voted for Trump, so that's
- 39:20Speaker 2: already a fun plot twist, hey Be and our blended family.
- 39:25Speaker 2: I'm basically rebooting my life as this new version of me,
- 39:28Speaker 2: So I'd love your advice on how to be honest
- 39:30Speaker 2: with my kids dad about our child exploring their gender identity,
- 39:33Speaker 2: and do I start visits back up after eighteen months
- 39:36Speaker 2: of none? How many chances do you give out give
- 39:38Speaker 2: a checked out partner before you stop trying? And how
- 39:41Speaker 2: to balance starting over new career, new partner, and new
- 39:43Speaker 2: version of me with actually having time and energy left
- 39:46Speaker 2: for my kids. Thanks for reading and untangling this with me, McKinley.
- 39:49Speaker 1: Yeah, how manic. I think you should begin.
- 39:52Speaker 6: First of all, let me just say, McKinley, you're the
- 39:57Speaker 6: type of person I would fall in love with. I mean, oh,
- 40:00Speaker 6: like she falls in love with somebody every day every day.
- 40:03Speaker 6: But also like, no, no, no, no, because I know
- 40:06Speaker 6: what you're doing. You're looking for love, baby, and in
- 40:10Speaker 6: the process of looking for love, you keep going to
- 40:13Speaker 6: places that are just taking advantage of your spirit.
- 40:16Speaker 3: And I think it started with the Mormon Church, their garbage.
- 40:20Speaker 6: I think you know it also starts with you now
- 40:23Speaker 6: trying to You know, you're going into a world of
- 40:26Speaker 6: a new identity to the world and how the world
- 40:28Speaker 6: is seeing you. Then you have to have this partner
- 40:31Speaker 6: that you were in love with and with and had
- 40:33Speaker 6: children with, have to now discover this new identity who
- 40:37Speaker 6: you are. They're probably not processing it that well, which
- 40:40Speaker 6: is why you have this distance.
- 40:42Speaker 3: So that's another person abandoning you.
- 40:44Speaker 6: Then you're like, you don't want to see your daughter
- 40:46Speaker 6: go through the same thing because she's also trying to
- 40:49Speaker 6: figure out what her identity is. But I can guarantee
- 40:51Speaker 6: you that your former partner has no idea how to
- 40:54Speaker 6: help her at all, and if anything might be a
- 40:56Speaker 6: deterrent if after eight months eighteen months of not seeing
- 41:01Speaker 6: it is done for the children, right because they cannot
- 41:05Speaker 6: have this wishy washiness in their life, it is irresponsible
- 41:10Speaker 6: of that person. And then because it's irresponsible, you're safeguarding
- 41:14Speaker 6: your children, they have to kind of go no contact.
- 41:16Speaker 6: At this point, from my perspective, what I think you
- 41:20Speaker 6: need to do is you need to write down what
- 41:22Speaker 6: McKinley wants, what McKinley needs, so that you start going
- 41:26Speaker 6: towards partners that have that. Because how you got hooked
- 41:30Speaker 6: up with somebody who is a Trump supporter knowing that
- 41:34Speaker 6: everything that aligns with what you got going on is
- 41:36Speaker 6: anti Trump and the nonsense they have over there is
- 41:39Speaker 6: because you don't have enough safeguards around your spirits, and
- 41:43Speaker 6: you don't have enough boundaries in your life and you
- 41:45Speaker 6: don't love you first. Once you fix that, you don't
- 41:50Speaker 6: need our advice, and the rest of the shit is
- 41:52Speaker 6: gonna fall. You are a beautiful person, I can just
- 41:54Speaker 6: tell by your smile and spirit. Thank you so much
- 41:56Speaker 6: for writing this. In IF resonated with me in a
- 41:58Speaker 6: lot of ways because I feel abandoned a lot. I
- 42:02Speaker 6: felt unseen and unloved, and I kept running after people
- 42:05Speaker 6: who didn't love me because sometimes you think to yourself,
- 42:08Speaker 6: if I can get somebody who doesn't love me and
- 42:10Speaker 6: doesn't respect me to love me and respect me, I've
- 42:13Speaker 6: won a battle and you haven't. Okay, I hope that
- 42:17Speaker 6: resonates with you. I just want to leave that with you,
- 42:20Speaker 6: just in love, because I think it's more about you
- 42:22Speaker 6: than anything else. Once you get with you, everything else
- 42:26Speaker 6: is going to fall in place.
- 42:29Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, how is that falling on you?
- 42:31Speaker 10: McKinley, that's great advice.
- 42:34Speaker 11: My current girlfriend i'm with voted for Trump and she
- 42:38Speaker 11: actually is a really good person for me.
- 42:43Speaker 10: So my problem that I have with is not with
- 42:46Speaker 10: my current girlfriend.
- 42:48Speaker 3: No, no, no, but it should be. It should be.
- 42:50Speaker 6: Let me tell you why it should be right. We
- 42:52Speaker 6: have to be real about assessments. And I'll bring it
- 42:56Speaker 6: back to Chelsea and I the optics on this. And
- 42:58Speaker 6: I've said this before. I'm a black woman who talks
- 43:00Speaker 6: very crazy about white people. Don't trust white people, and
- 43:03Speaker 6: I shouldn't write the history of white people is gross.
- 43:06Speaker 3: But at the same time, it's like I wouldn't.
- 43:10Speaker 6: I'm not here to like dance and prance for somebody
- 43:14Speaker 6: because I want to be accepted and I want to
- 43:16Speaker 6: be loved. Like over here, I know that if some
- 43:19Speaker 6: shit's going down, even though I get on her nerves,
- 43:21Speaker 6: this woman has my back when it comes to being
- 43:24Speaker 6: a woman, a black woman, all of that support. If
- 43:27Speaker 6: she didn't, I could not be here. There's something in
- 43:32Speaker 6: you that you think is okay. You can't be with
- 43:34Speaker 6: the Trump supert. I'm just telling you, baby, everything you got.
- 43:38Speaker 6: You're a transman divorced.
- 43:43Speaker 3: You understand the fact that you think she's a good person.
- 43:46Speaker 3: She's a Da da da.
- 43:47Speaker 6: Dad, not in this time and climate, because there's got
- 43:50Speaker 6: to be something that she's got going on with her,
- 43:53Speaker 6: because how could she vote for Trump when Trump is
- 43:55Speaker 6: against you?
- 43:57Speaker 11: Right?
- 43:57Speaker 10: I get that sometimes you make mistakes and.
- 44:01Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
- 44:03Speaker 10: So when I had a phone call with her because
- 44:05Speaker 10: I met her online.
- 44:06Speaker 11: Two hours into the phone call was when I dropped
- 44:09Speaker 11: the whole Hey probably didn't realize I'm a trans mail
- 44:13Speaker 11: on my profile. And she said, at this point, I
- 44:17Speaker 11: would be a complete idiot to not give this a chance.
- 44:20Speaker 11: And that was about six months ago. So we just
- 44:25Speaker 11: started dating it in January.
- 44:27Speaker 6: No that baby, Listen to me, I say the same thing.
- 44:31Speaker 6: Everybody's lying. Okay, I'm not telling people.
- 44:33Speaker 3: I'm a comedian. I tell men.
- 44:35Speaker 6: I teach blind cats how to read. So the reality
- 44:38Speaker 6: is people are saying all kinds of shit. It's been
- 44:40Speaker 6: six months. She would be a fool right to adhere
- 44:43Speaker 6: to what she got going on to lose out on you.
- 44:46Speaker 6: But the reality is there's going to be a time
- 44:49Speaker 6: when she's gonna have to choose between you and what
- 44:53Speaker 6: she believes in. And I'm telling you, baby, that's dangerous
- 44:57Speaker 6: territory for you.
- 45:00Speaker 1: Okay, I hear, Yeah, Yeah, I agree with her. I
- 45:03Speaker 1: think that.
- 45:04Speaker 7: Yeah.
- 45:04Speaker 1: You it's like you have a pattern of behavior that's
- 45:08Speaker 1: like a pathology, and you kind of have to nip
- 45:11Speaker 1: it in the bud, like you're not looking after yourself.
- 45:13Speaker 1: That's why it's like a repetition of kind of bad choices.
- 45:18Speaker 2: Well, and I get why it feels comfortable right, because
- 45:21Speaker 2: it's like, you know, you're coming out of this previous relationship.
- 45:24Speaker 2: Things are tumultuous with work and with your ex and
- 45:27Speaker 2: all these things, but or x is and all these things,
- 45:29Speaker 2: but this feels comfortable, right, Like this feels like.
- 45:32Speaker 1: A like a cozy, safe space where you were held.
- 45:34Speaker 2: But I do think that Yamanika is right, Like when
- 45:37Speaker 2: it comes down to her choosing between her church that
- 45:40Speaker 2: has very conservative views like her beliefs, and her relationship
- 45:45Speaker 2: with you, I think there's going to be a.
- 45:46Speaker 3: Dividing point there.
- 45:48Speaker 2: But I want to also go back to what Yamanika
- 45:51Speaker 2: was saying about how we fill the void that's happening
- 45:55Speaker 2: for you and how we get McKinley to love McKinley
- 46:00Speaker 2: so that you can stand on your own two feet.
- 46:03Speaker 2: And are you in any kind of therapy seeing anybody
- 46:07Speaker 2: in that capacity?
- 46:08Speaker 11: I was in therapy, and I was on medicine, and
- 46:12Speaker 11: I work at a company that doesn't provide very good
- 46:17Speaker 11: insurance coverage, so I have to wait until next month
- 46:20Speaker 11: to start therapy again.
- 46:22Speaker 3: Mary J.
- 46:22Speaker 6: Blige has a song called good Morning gorgeous, right, yes,
- 46:26Speaker 6: And it's like at first I was like, this is
- 46:28Speaker 6: so ridiculous, you know, like you got to do this,
- 46:32Speaker 6: But I started getting into that song and it's like
- 46:35Speaker 6: you need to get up in the morning and say
- 46:38Speaker 6: good morning gorgeous to yourself.
- 46:40Speaker 3: I can see it all.
- 46:41Speaker 6: Over you, and not as a judgment, it's because I
- 46:44Speaker 6: am like that too. This is like really sensitive and
- 46:46Speaker 6: you're trying to hold it all in but it's hurting
- 46:48Speaker 6: you at the same time. And as long as you're
- 46:50Speaker 6: okay and acquiesced to the bullshit around you, you think
- 46:53Speaker 6: you'll be safe, but you won't. You're a great person, amazing,
- 46:58Speaker 6: like just from the presence of you. I want you
- 47:01Speaker 6: to know that, and I don't know if you see
- 47:03Speaker 6: that in you and you got to, baby, you have to.
- 47:08Speaker 10: I'm trying.
- 47:09Speaker 3: No, you really do.
- 47:10Speaker 6: Immediately when I saw you on the screen, I said, wow,
- 47:14Speaker 6: just so beautiful.
- 47:15Speaker 3: Really.
- 47:16Speaker 11: I tried so hard, and I've been trying to ask
- 47:18Speaker 11: for help. It's like I get nine yards out of
- 47:21Speaker 11: the ten yards and I can't freaking get that one yard.
- 47:24Speaker 11: And it's like I try to ask help for everywhere
- 47:27Speaker 11: and try to figure things out and I'm just so
- 47:29Speaker 11: financially screwed trying.
- 47:31Speaker 10: You know, it's just like how do you do all
- 47:33Speaker 10: these things?
- 47:33Speaker 4: You know?
- 47:33Speaker 10: How do you like?
- 47:34Speaker 11: I have all this paths I'm trying to protect and
- 47:37Speaker 11: protect my future and trying to do so many things.
- 47:39Speaker 10: It's just so hard. Oh sorry, No, you're okay.
- 47:43Speaker 3: We're also going through this city, you know what I mean.
- 47:46Speaker 6: Like I cried, Chelsea cries, you know, We've cried to
- 47:49Speaker 6: each other, like You're not alone in this feeling.
- 47:52Speaker 3: It feels so isolating.
- 47:53Speaker 6: But I promise you and I understand finances, God knows
- 47:57Speaker 6: you know, and I understand all those things.
- 47:59Speaker 3: They can change the fabric of your life.
- 48:01Speaker 6: But the first thing you have to do is you
- 48:04Speaker 6: have to love you and really know that all the
- 48:07Speaker 6: decisions of that happen in your life have to be
- 48:10Speaker 6: because they are going to benefit McKinley. Do you understand,
- 48:13Speaker 6: because if not, if finance is not going to get good,
- 48:15Speaker 6: the relationship is not going to get good. You're going
- 48:18Speaker 6: to keep chasing things that don't serve you because, like
- 48:21Speaker 6: Catherine said, you just want to be comfortable, but you're
- 48:24Speaker 6: unfortunately comfortable in trauma.
- 48:26Speaker 10: I think I'm just like in survival mode.
- 48:28Speaker 2: I'm just trying to just I mean, individual therapy isn't
- 48:32Speaker 2: something that can happen right now for financial or any
- 48:34Speaker 2: other reasons. Let's find you a support group in your
- 48:37Speaker 2: area so that you have some outlet for this, Like
- 48:40Speaker 2: we need weekly support right right. You don't have to
- 48:44Speaker 2: do this alone, and we don't want you to.
- 48:46Speaker 10: Do this alone. Thank you, Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it.
- 48:49Speaker 2: Yeah, And Chelsea, what would you say as far as
- 48:51Speaker 2: like if there's a step that McKinley can take every
- 48:53Speaker 2: single day to just get in touch with himself and
- 48:56Speaker 2: listen to himself, what would.
- 48:57Speaker 1: Yeah, you should get up in the mornings and write
- 48:59Speaker 1: down like you are magnificent, you are magnetic, and you
- 49:05Speaker 1: are resilient, and like write those three things down each
- 49:08Speaker 1: morning and you're you know, on a piece of paper
- 49:12Speaker 1: and start saying that to yourself.
- 49:15Speaker 10: Okay, that was magnificent, resilient. What was the second one?
- 49:18Speaker 1: Magnetic?
- 49:19Speaker 10: Magnetic?
- 49:20Speaker 3: Thank you? And also go find your own words. I
- 49:22Speaker 3: wouldn't be writing too many things down that she says.
- 49:25Speaker 3: You know what, Chelsea is my god, so I will
- 49:28Speaker 3: listen mad decisions again.
- 49:32Speaker 1: Hey, I'm your god.
- 49:33Speaker 3: To honey, I wish the little but Jesus Christ, all
- 49:43Speaker 3: of us did. You wouldn't even cross the street to
- 49:45Speaker 3: get me a hot.
- 49:50Speaker 1: Lordo's you're nos, LORDO.
- 49:57Speaker 3: That is correct.
- 49:59Speaker 1: Lord.
- 50:00Speaker 10: I served them, I served a mission and had to
- 50:03Speaker 10: learn Spanish.
- 50:04Speaker 7: It could be.
- 50:09Speaker 2: Will you check in with me, let me know if
- 50:12Speaker 2: you can find something in your marrea.
- 50:14Speaker 8: If not, I'm going to help you.
- 50:15Speaker 1: Look like that.
- 50:17Speaker 3: You can have a group every week.
- 50:21Speaker 2: But will you check in with me like pretty quickly
- 50:24Speaker 2: and well we'll get you on the right track.
- 50:26Speaker 1: Thanks for calling.
- 50:28Speaker 7: You so much.
- 50:29Speaker 3: We do love you, love you, love you. Of course.
- 50:39Speaker 1: I do have one more collar.
- 50:40Speaker 8: If you're ready.
- 50:42Speaker 3: To help it, let's go.
- 50:43Speaker 1: Let's okay.
- 50:47Speaker 2: Our last caller is Katie and she says, you're Chelsea.
- 50:51Speaker 2: I need advice for how to deal with my sister.
- 50:53Speaker 2: We're both in our fifties and a year apart. We
- 50:55Speaker 2: were very close as children, but we went in very
- 50:57Speaker 2: different directions directions as adults. That said, we still live
- 51:01Speaker 2: in the town where we grew up, and we're both
- 51:02Speaker 2: close with our mother and extended family. Here's the problem.
- 51:06Speaker 2: There was no inciting event, but over the last several years,
- 51:09Speaker 2: maybe even going back to our early thirties. We're like
- 51:12Speaker 2: oil and water. We tolerate each other, but there's constant tension.
- 51:16Speaker 2: I know I'm not perfect, but it feels like she's
- 51:18Speaker 2: constantly sniping at me, criticizing me, being negative, and cutting
- 51:21Speaker 2: me down. I've been sober for almost three years, and
- 51:24Speaker 2: I'm committed to live and let live toward life in general.
- 51:27Speaker 2: I try to tune her out and be the bigger person,
- 51:29Speaker 2: but gets harder every time I see her. We just
- 51:32Speaker 2: spent the weekend traveling with our eighty year old mom
- 51:34Speaker 2: for our family event, and I'm ready to never speak
- 51:36Speaker 2: to her again. But that would break my mom's heart,
- 51:38Speaker 2: which is out of the question. I also don't want
- 51:40Speaker 2: to lose my only sister, but maybe I already have.
- 51:43Speaker 2: I know you've been through a lot with your extended family, Chelsea,
- 51:45Speaker 2: so any thoughts. I appreciate you and your team.
- 51:48Speaker 1: Katie. Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi? How are you o?
- 51:53Speaker 8: Katie Gat It's so exciting to be here.
- 51:55Speaker 1: Hi, this is Yamy, I have you.
- 51:57Speaker 11: Hi.
- 51:57Speaker 3: I'm Yaminika Katie.
- 51:59Speaker 1: Oh, oh my god.
- 52:00Speaker 7: I'll try to watch my mouth in your presence.
- 52:02Speaker 10: I know how sensitive you.
- 52:03Speaker 3: Are, baby, so look at cutie pye, you try to
- 52:06Speaker 3: be my sister?
- 52:07Speaker 1: Well wait, what's the situations? Why can't you get?
- 52:11Speaker 7: What?
- 52:11Speaker 1: Is she so annoying and you're so annoying to her?
- 52:14Speaker 1: You both hate each other like annoy each other kind
- 52:16Speaker 1: of Yeah, are you angry at her about something?
- 52:20Speaker 7: After this trip that we went on, my husband said
- 52:23Speaker 7: the only solution he saw was that we go in.
- 52:25Speaker 10: The backyard with boxing gloves.
- 52:26Speaker 6: Oh all right, Well there's a resentment somewhere. Where's the resentment?
- 52:32Speaker 7: I don't know.
- 52:33Speaker 10: I mean, I could, I could make some guesses.
- 52:36Speaker 7: I mean, I think that our lives have turned out.
- 52:39Speaker 7: You know, our lives have turned out basically the way
- 52:42Speaker 7: that we wanted them to. You know, I always wanted
- 52:44Speaker 7: to be a career person, and I am. My sister
- 52:47Speaker 7: is a stay at home mom, and she loves her
- 52:49Speaker 7: kids and she loves that. But it seems like I
- 52:52Speaker 7: think she resents the freedom that I have. I mean,
- 52:54Speaker 7: if I had to guess, i'd say what that is?
- 52:56Speaker 7: But it's so hard to have an honest conversation with
- 52:58Speaker 7: her that I'm speculating when I say that.
- 53:01Speaker 1: So, what's your issue with her?
- 53:05Speaker 7: It's just it's the constant cutdowns, It's the constant.
- 53:08Speaker 1: It's just she's cutting down.
- 53:11Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean she's trying to belittle you because I
- 53:14Speaker 6: think I don't think she probably is as happy as
- 53:17Speaker 6: you think she is or satisfied. Right. I think I'm
- 53:20Speaker 6: not a mother and I've never been able to fool
- 53:23Speaker 6: a man into marrying me. But I can tell you
- 53:25Speaker 6: this that there is a sense of accomplishment quite early
- 53:29Speaker 6: once you go into relationship that probably goes into marriage
- 53:33Speaker 6: and then children, and then after that you have to
- 53:36Speaker 6: look at yourself and go what's next. That's something that
- 53:39Speaker 6: you don't have to worry about as a career woman,
- 53:41Speaker 6: because what next is the career thing. You haven't really
- 53:44Speaker 6: locked down life. People are locking down life early seeing
- 53:48Speaker 6: people do an evolve beyond where they've stopped.
- 53:50Speaker 3: And then there's a resentment.
- 53:52Speaker 6: So because she feels bad about what you got going
- 53:55Speaker 6: on in the freedom you got, she wants to cut
- 53:57Speaker 6: you down and make you feel the same as her.
- 53:59Speaker 6: You cannot be in a relationship like that without communicating. Hey, listen,
- 54:05Speaker 6: I don't like when you say this. I don't like
- 54:08Speaker 6: when you say that it makes me feel this way.
- 54:09Speaker 6: If they love you enough and respect you enough, then
- 54:12Speaker 6: they will hear it. If they don't, then you just
- 54:14Speaker 6: have to separate. But you can't force your sister to
- 54:17Speaker 6: have a conversation with you. If she doesn't want to
- 54:20Speaker 6: have a conversation with you, and if she's not going
- 54:22Speaker 6: to talk or communicate her real feelings to you, then
- 54:25Speaker 6: you have to either limit contact or go no contact.
- 54:28Speaker 1: When she's cutting you down, what's your reaction to that?
- 54:32Speaker 7: I just I kind of go gray rock, you know.
- 54:36Speaker 7: I just I associate. Yeah, honestly, sometimes I sometimes I
- 54:41Speaker 7: try to change the subject. It just depends on who
- 54:43Speaker 7: else is around us. Very rarely is it just her
- 54:46Speaker 7: and I, because I don't spend time with her unless
- 54:48Speaker 7: I really have to because of the larger family, and
- 54:51Speaker 7: I don't want to be rude or cause a you know,
- 54:54Speaker 7: a big family kerfuffle by telling her. You know you're
- 54:59Speaker 7: being rude, being a jerk. Can you stop? You know,
- 55:01Speaker 7: it just feels so impossible to me because of the
- 55:04Speaker 7: larger family dynamic.
- 55:06Speaker 6: Let me ask you something, when you get angry, do
- 55:08Speaker 6: you really like is it uncontrollable anger?
- 55:14Speaker 7: I'm I'm an enneagram one, if that makes any sense.
- 55:20Speaker 7: I'm a you know, the perfectionist type that just internalizes.
- 55:23Speaker 1: What's your star signs? Should that'll make sense to her?
- 55:25Speaker 3: No, that's not what I'm saying to you.
- 55:27Speaker 6: Is what I do a lot, and it gets me
- 55:28Speaker 6: in problems, right, is because I know, like, once you
- 55:33Speaker 6: piss me off, once I've gotten pissed off and I've
- 55:36Speaker 6: gone beyond, there's no I'm I'm getting ready to get
- 55:39Speaker 6: with your ass in a really wild way. Right And
- 55:43Speaker 6: probably when I'm done getting with you, we're gonna have
- 55:46Speaker 6: to sever tize unless you can emotionally get over the
- 55:48Speaker 6: fact that I just ran you into the ground. So
- 55:51Speaker 6: a lot of times I try to avoid those situations
- 55:53Speaker 6: by being the nicer person, the bigger person, or the
- 55:56Speaker 6: ah you know, and over time that bill up and
- 56:00Speaker 6: it's frustrating to you because it's like you're going great
- 56:03Speaker 6: rock all the time.
- 56:04Speaker 3: Why your sister going hot lava? You need to get
- 56:08Speaker 3: with her in these moments. You need to be like, hey, bitch,
- 56:10Speaker 3: hold on a second, why are you talking crazy to
- 56:13Speaker 3: me like that? What's up? What have I done? No,
- 56:16Speaker 3: because as long as you allow it, it's going to
- 56:19Speaker 3: get done that.
- 56:20Speaker 1: I agree. I think like you have to face it honestly,
- 56:23Speaker 1: like and and even if she can't be honest. You
- 56:25Speaker 1: have to get her to be honest, like you have
- 56:27Speaker 1: to be like, listen, this is ridiculous. We hate each other.
- 56:30Speaker 1: Why do we hate each other? Let's talk about it?
- 56:32Speaker 1: Would you rather? I would like to figure this out.
- 56:34Speaker 1: Let's figure this out together, Like what what can I do?
- 56:38Speaker 1: I'll do anything to have as a normal relation. Do
- 56:41Speaker 1: you fucking hate me? Like you have to have like
- 56:43Speaker 1: a moment of real honesty to get cause you guys
- 56:45Speaker 1: then can actually break all the tension and come together. Yeah,
- 56:49Speaker 1: sorry that I'm yelling. Okay, yeah, yeah, so.
- 56:54Speaker 3: That she was passionate. She was talking about her and I.
- 56:57Speaker 3: That's how we we also these sisters. Did you write this?
- 57:00Speaker 1: Let in tell he shut up? Shut up?
- 57:03Speaker 10: Oh?
- 57:05Speaker 1: But yeah, but I also can't.
- 57:06Speaker 7: I can't dime out Chelsea like that.
- 57:08Speaker 1: But but also I feel like there can't be like
- 57:12Speaker 1: tension without two people having the tension, you know what
- 57:15Speaker 1: I mean? Like, if you can't, there has to be
- 57:18Speaker 1: something coming from you too. That is like an explosive energy,
- 57:22Speaker 1: and that's why it should. It needs to combust, you know,
- 57:25Speaker 1: Like you can't dance when somebody's not dancing. Yeah, I
- 57:28Speaker 1: mean I can't. Actually that's The only time I should
- 57:30Speaker 1: be dancing is when no one else is dancing.
- 57:39Speaker 3: Yo.
- 57:39Speaker 6: But you seem like you're in this thing by yourself,
- 57:42Speaker 6: and Chelsea's right, you got to engage you assistant in
- 57:45Speaker 6: it because she also has to feel uncomfortable.
- 57:48Speaker 3: And you think she writing a letter somewhere about what
- 57:50Speaker 3: you got. You know she's not writing a letter.
- 57:52Speaker 6: She over did baker cookies for your nieces and nephews
- 57:54Speaker 6: and you over here trying to figure out how you're
- 57:56Speaker 6: going to get your situation back with your sister. You guys,
- 57:58Speaker 6: are sisters that that's important to you or it's not.
- 58:01Speaker 6: If it is, then some egos are gonna have to shift,
- 58:04Speaker 6: some conversations are going to have to happen, and hopefully
- 58:07Speaker 6: at the end of it, you guys remain sisters and
- 58:10Speaker 6: building a better relationship.
- 58:11Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think the time to have this conversation
- 58:13Speaker 2: is not at first. She's just said something that activates you.
- 58:16Speaker 2: But like before you go into time with your mom
- 58:19Speaker 2: or whatever, I can let me.
- 58:21Speaker 3: Just say this.
- 58:22Speaker 6: I say wait till she because then she know who
- 58:26Speaker 6: Because I'm for real. If you do this, bitch, every
- 58:29Speaker 6: time you do this, you activate this. You understand you
- 58:33Speaker 6: start training you do this? Did I become this?
- 58:37Speaker 3: Right? I have the conversation with her here.
- 58:39Speaker 6: If you want to keep meeting me here, bitch, I'm
- 58:41Speaker 6: available to meet you here at this Sorry to keep going.
- 58:44Speaker 3: Your sister bitch, what are y'all's a bitch?
- 58:46Speaker 7: But you know what?
- 58:48Speaker 3: Right for sure? What he is a bitch? I don't know.
- 58:51Speaker 3: We got to hear your sister's story. Maybe she'll right
- 58:53Speaker 3: there next week.
- 58:54Speaker 6: But what I'm telling you is the reality is every
- 58:57Speaker 6: time she's like this, you got to give her the
- 59:00Speaker 6: results of what that is, so that at some point
- 59:04Speaker 6: she probably go, whoa, hey, can we talk?
- 59:06Speaker 3: She might be coming to you to talk because if
- 59:08Speaker 3: you're gonna be a warm, bad bitch, so am I.
- 59:10Speaker 7: That would shock her so badly because I think everyone
- 59:13Speaker 7: in my family is so used to me being.
- 59:14Speaker 3: Like, uh, you know, just so non reactive. Yeah, yeah,
- 59:18Speaker 3: that's how I do. And she's not.
- 59:19Speaker 2: She's not saying this stuff to you to knock at
- 59:21Speaker 2: a reaction. She might be surprised at a reaction, but
- 59:24Speaker 2: she's saying it to go do you. I mean, even
- 59:26Speaker 2: if it's something as simple as like she says something shitdn'
- 59:29Speaker 2: hear like wow, I can't believe you felt comfortable saying
- 59:31Speaker 2: that to me, or I can't believe you felt it
- 59:34Speaker 2: was okay to.
- 59:34Speaker 3: Say I can't believe it's not butter bitch.
- 59:36Speaker 6: But I'm telling you right now, is the next time
- 59:38Speaker 6: you say something wild to me, I'm all over the place.
- 59:42Speaker 3: You have the profile of a serial killer.
- 59:45Speaker 6: You're the sayd serial killers, laid, dormant, nothing, doing nothing.
- 59:49Speaker 6: They also running businesses and bacon cookies and shit, and
- 59:52Speaker 6: then one day you're gonna flip out. I make sure
- 59:55Speaker 6: it redect my address from anything that might.
- 59:57Speaker 3: Be on any paperwork.
- 59:58Speaker 6: If you're not gonna come kill me for giving you advice,
- 1:00:00Speaker 6: I can tell you where Chelsea lives.
- 1:00:02Speaker 1: Actually, I have to move because you stayed here. Oh
- 1:00:09Speaker 1: that's the thing.
- 1:00:09Speaker 10: They gotta move.
- 1:00:13Speaker 7: I have considered from time to time saying to her,
- 1:00:16Speaker 7: you know, I'm sorry.
- 1:00:17Speaker 1: Could you repeat that?
- 1:00:19Speaker 7: She could actually hear herself say like, that's.
- 1:00:23Speaker 1: A good first step. Could you repeat that, that's a
- 1:00:25Speaker 1: good first step on your journey back to ye.
- 1:00:28Speaker 3: Could you repeat that?
- 1:00:29Speaker 6: Because I know I know you want yeah, yeah, Somewhere
- 1:00:35Speaker 6: in the middle is some good advice for you on this.
- 1:00:37Speaker 6: I think it's somewhere in the middle.
- 1:00:39Speaker 3: Like I we definitely unfortunately got sky very high, but
- 1:00:45Speaker 3: that stands out like that.
- 1:00:47Speaker 6: But I do I do want you, like, no matter
- 1:00:50Speaker 6: what all joking aside with this, we do want you
- 1:00:53Speaker 6: to have this conversation with your sister. You owe it
- 1:00:56Speaker 6: to yourself because you feel a certain way about it.
- 1:00:59Speaker 6: So even though it maybe you might be nervous about it,
- 1:01:03Speaker 6: you're intimidated by it. I promise you once you have
- 1:01:07Speaker 6: that conversation, whether it's good or bad, there's gonna be
- 1:01:10Speaker 6: a relief that you feel because at least you're gonna
- 1:01:13Speaker 6: have some better answers than you do now.
- 1:01:15Speaker 3: You have no idea what's going on with you and
- 1:01:17Speaker 3: your sister.
- 1:01:18Speaker 7: You know what.
- 1:01:19Speaker 1: That's a very good point.
- 1:01:20Speaker 2: Like I had several years ago a similar conversation with
- 1:01:23Speaker 2: my sister where we like went to dinner. We knew
- 1:01:26Speaker 2: we were going to hash some shit out. We had
- 1:01:29Speaker 2: a lot of Martini's, Like we talked about it, and
- 1:01:32Speaker 2: like there were some things that she had said to
- 1:01:34Speaker 2: me in the past that she didn't know were as
- 1:01:36Speaker 2: hurtful as they were, and it was, you know, repetitive stuff,
- 1:01:40Speaker 2: And there were things I had said to her that
- 1:01:41Speaker 2: I had no like dumb jokes I was trying to make,
- 1:01:44Speaker 2: and like, oh that was really actually very hurtful to her.
- 1:01:47Speaker 2: So it really was eye opening to be able to
- 1:01:49Speaker 2: like have a conversation where you know, you are going
- 1:01:52Speaker 2: in to have this conversation about like we need to
- 1:01:55Speaker 2: work some shit out, We need to figure some stuff
- 1:01:57Speaker 2: out so that we can be around each other when
- 1:02:00Speaker 2: we want to be here for our mom, because that's
- 1:02:02Speaker 2: where you want to be.
- 1:02:04Speaker 8: Right, Yeah, that is the most important thing to me, exactly.
- 1:02:07Speaker 7: And you know, I like, I mean, my mom is
- 1:02:09Speaker 7: in really good health, but you know, I like to
- 1:02:11Speaker 7: think that she sees this tension even though she absolutely
- 1:02:14Speaker 7: refuses to weigh in on it, and I think she
- 1:02:16Speaker 7: would like she would like to leave this earth knowing
- 1:02:19Speaker 7: that her two girls love each other and can get along.
- 1:02:21Speaker 10: Yeah.
- 1:02:22Speaker 1: And somebody wants to be the cycle breaker. Yeah, so
- 1:02:25Speaker 1: be that person you can break my Yeah. So what
- 1:02:29Speaker 1: you're doing isn't working, So you have to change your
- 1:02:32Speaker 1: approach and then break the cycle. Be a disruptor. This
- 1:02:36Speaker 1: is a good disruptor. You're a bad disruptor. All right, Well,
- 1:02:41Speaker 1: I'm glad you called in and keep us posted. Let
- 1:02:44Speaker 1: us know what happens.
- 1:02:45Speaker 7: Yes, I really appreciate the advice and all the good
- 1:02:47Speaker 7: advice that y'all give on your show over the years
- 1:02:50Speaker 7: of It's helped me a lot in different areas, and
- 1:02:52Speaker 7: I've passed it along to other people that have come
- 1:02:55Speaker 7: to me for advice. It's just, you know, you guys
- 1:02:58Speaker 7: could be just like drinking Martini's all day and not
- 1:03:00Speaker 7: helping people. But you're spending your time doing this and
- 1:03:02Speaker 7: I'm really appreciate it.
- 1:03:04Speaker 1: Thanks, Katie, I love that. Thank you so much.
- 1:03:07Speaker 8: All Right, good luck with this conversation.
- 1:03:09Speaker 1: Okay, all right, thanks, you can do it, all right,
- 1:03:12Speaker 1: and that's it for us today. Thank God. This is
- 1:03:15Speaker 1: so I know, I know, but I have to be honest.
- 1:03:18Speaker 1: I dropped out during the middle of one of those letters.
- 1:03:22Speaker 1: I just was like, my head was in the fucking
- 1:03:24Speaker 1: clouds thinking about what I'm gonna eat later.
- 1:03:29Speaker 8: I picked some very like complicated.
- 1:03:31Speaker 1: This is a great episode, great questions. I like all
- 1:03:34Speaker 1: the drama heavy stuff like that. Even when I'm today,
- 1:03:40Speaker 1: I brought it and listen again. I'm so excited to
- 1:03:43Speaker 1: be on Chelsea Network. This is I can't wait till
- 1:03:46Speaker 1: we get you the color of your Foundation right. I
- 1:03:49Speaker 1: can't wait.
- 1:03:50Speaker 3: I can't wait till you stop bringing that up. Bitch.
- 1:03:52Speaker 3: I told you I'm fine. Don't worry. Don't be checking
- 1:03:55Speaker 3: bitches about their face. Thank you.
- 1:03:59Speaker 6: So anyway, if you want to hear less helpful advice
- 1:04:03Speaker 6: but more in your ass shit, please go listen to
- 1:04:07Speaker 6: your The problem myself included with Yama on the Dear
- 1:04:11Speaker 6: Chelsea Network.
- 1:04:13Speaker 1: This is very exciting, you guys, please go listen to
- 1:04:16Speaker 1: Ya so you can get a dose of her the
- 1:04:18Speaker 1: way I want you to understand what my life is like.
- 1:04:22Speaker 1: So I want everyone to Yeah, and you can follow
- 1:04:27Speaker 1: her on Instagram also, but if you see her do
- 1:04:30Speaker 1: a live please report her to me, to you or
- 1:04:34Speaker 1: to answering.
- 1:04:37Speaker 7: Yeah.
- 1:04:37Speaker 1: Now that she has a podcast, she does not need
- 1:04:39Speaker 1: to do as many lives in a blue Okay that
- 1:04:44Speaker 1: means on every thirty seconds?
- 1:04:46Speaker 3: No, it does it all right?
- 1:04:47Speaker 1: I love you sort of?
- 1:04:50Speaker 3: I love you.
- 1:04:51Speaker 1: I love you?
- 1:04:51Speaker 10: Okay, you know you do.
- 1:04:52Speaker 1: It's called what's You're the problem? You're the problem?
- 1:04:55Speaker 3: Would you like to learn the name.
- 1:04:57Speaker 6: It's also Katine, I love you too. If you're the
- 1:05:04Speaker 6: problem with Yama Nika on Dear Chelsea Network.
- 1:05:09Speaker 1: Do you want to get a massage before you go
- 1:05:10Speaker 1: to the airport tonight.
- 1:05:11Speaker 3: I would love to.
- 1:05:15Speaker 2: If you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
- 1:05:18Speaker 2: podcast at gmail dot com.
- 1:05:20Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
- 1:05:23Speaker 2: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
- 1:05:26Speaker 2: Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
- 1:05:30Speaker 2: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
- 1:05:34Speaker 2: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
- 1:05:37Speaker 2: tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com.