Latest / I Do, Part 2 / The April Relationship Theory: Ladies, Are You Considering Dumping Your Man? You’re Not Alone.

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The April Relationship Theory: Ladies, Are You Considering Dumping Your Man? You’re Not Alone. · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, that folks did is Saturday, April eleventh. Emphasis on April.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I'm told I should be on notice. This is the
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: month robok is most likely to break up with me.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and tj. Okay,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: let's work this out.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, So this is the April relationship theory.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Had you heard of this.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Before April relationship? No, you even mentioned something else about
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: it that it applies to other things. That's what. What
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: are you saying?
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: Well, there there's a.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: This has been going on for years now on TikTok
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: something a social media platform. We're not on that often,
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: but it's just called the April theory, okay. Where basically
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: it's the it's the emotional new year. So they say
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: it's everyone looks at January for New Year's resolutions and
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: kind of a renewal and goal setting time. But actually
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: they say it's April when it really truly happens. They said,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: consider the April relationship theory to make sense like this.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: It's basically think of it as spring cleaning for the heart.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Spring cleaning for the heart. And so you're saying, you're
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: right now people are just getting around to their new
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: years resolution stuff, including with their relationship.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Maybe well, they're just getting to the point where they say,
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: is the seasons change and spring comes about.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: You know, there is a thing. Spring cleaning is a thing.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: You get renewed maybe by the sunnier days, the warmer temperatures,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: and you just start to assess what's been weighing you down.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: You came through the cold, dark winter months, and now
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: you're like, all right, I'm ready to reassess where I am,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: maybe not just my closet, but also who I'm spending
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: most of my time.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, isn't that makes sense? Yeah, that makes sense.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: That does to me too.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: So they say every single year like clockwork, and we
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: wouldn't know because we're not really on TikTok.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: But the April theory, the April relationship theory goes Wow.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: There are millions of posts and a lot of this
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: mostly is women saying the April theory is real, and
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: suddenly they decide, you know, I don't think I'm that
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: into him anymore.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. So was this happening before people online
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: started telling people this needs to be happening.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: According to relationship experts, yes, it's always been a time
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: of renewal and change and thought provoking sessions with yourself basically,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: but maybe now.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Collectively because we have a place to talk about it.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Everyone feels seen and heard and validated and communal and
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: so yes, now it is official the April relationship theory.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: They just said, men, you're on notice.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: This is the month where most women, if they're going
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: to break up with you, they break up with you
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: in April.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Why excuse me? Okay, I got two things. One of them,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: do they have data on this based on like hashtags
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: that are most popular or something around?
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: I think that's what it is. It's cook well, it's
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: you know, basically anecdotal. I guess it's the best way
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: to put it.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: And having a hashtag or a phrase at tag to
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: it just makes it go viral.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: But I do think this makes sense because it's in April.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: They say, that's when really it starts to actually feel
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: like spring, and that's when you start to feel better,
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: like mentally, you feel lighter, brighter, more hopeful, and happier,
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: And all of a sudden you look over to the
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: person next and you think, you know, I don't know
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: that he's improving my life or he's adding to my
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: joy and you start to actually look at things critically
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: because you're now focusing on and maybe even making it
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: a priority to focus on your happiness.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: And you said, someone looks over and maybe he is
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: weighing me down. Maybe he is the problem. Do you
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: ever look over and that he is looking at her
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: and saying, maybe she is weighing me down? Or is
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: this really supposed to be a woman to dumping the
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: man bass?
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Mostly women dumping men.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: But here's why I would say this is true because
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: I think men could probably look over and say she's
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: weighing me down any day of the week, any.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Hour, rib way to say it, by the way, which.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: Point being that how many men do you know?
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: And maybe you call me out on this if you
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: think I'm wrong, actually take time to do pros and
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: cons and do an emotional checking with themselves and really
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: try to evaluate what's working in their lives and what's
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: not Sure some men do it, but that would typically
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: be a female kind of thing to do. So if
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: you're all hearing and seeing your sisters and your friends
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: and everybody else saying, hey, I'm reevaluating my life from
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: top to bottom, that does seem to be more of
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: a female.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: Thing to do.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, but you should give guys
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: create It doesn't look the way it looks with women.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: We're always doing that. We're always reassessing. It's not really
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: a season that we sometimes wait to come around. I
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: don't minds are different and for us maybe it doesn't
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: happen in April. Because you said it seems like an
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: emotional weight, you're that thing. I think we have a
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: tendency sometimes guys, to just look at it all year
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: long as just wait on paper. This is a problem
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: that you actually list the things. We don't feel like
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: we need an emotional weight lifted, but we lead like
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: a literal, practical what's around me? I think to that point, Yeah,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: we don't. We don't. We're always checking in, but not
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: in that way. Yeah.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I think it's a good thing to actually think about.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: Men should do this too. Come April, start actually evaluating
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: and check in with yourself and experts. Because of these
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: trends and folks saying, hey, this is actually a thing,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: they actually have given some relationship experts some ideas for folks.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: If you are actually wanting to do this and if
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: you want to apply the April relationship theory to your life.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: They give you ways to do it.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: And it's not about saying, oh, you should just break
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: up with your boyfriend, but it's actually about assessing your
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: relationship to decide whether or not you should. And so
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: they say to ask yourself three things. The first thing
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: is am I actually happy in this relationship? And that
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: should probably be a solid yes or no answer.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Wow, is there a scale? Is there a score at
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: the end you're supposed to have? Because I hear that quote,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: you know a lot of people will answer it's complicated.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: A lot of people will say, well on this day,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: well when it's like this, or well if we didn't
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: have this challenge and well, and I don't know is
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: that a yes or no answer?
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I feel like you get a gut feeling though generally speaking,
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: are do the good times outweigh the bad? Like?
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Do I feel happy in this relationship?
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: And I think that's important to ask yourself because that
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: is the most important probably influence in your life, over
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: your joy and your piece.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: You know what, I nuanced it a lot, but you
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: should be able to write you should be Are you
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: happy in a relationship? Yes? I am, But we've gone
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: through this difficult blah blah blah. Yes I am, but
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: we da da da da. I don't know. Is that
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: too high of a bar? Even I asked now Robes
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: to have an expectation that you have yes to that answer.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I think you should have that expectation because I think, look,
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: if you're only in a relationship financially or to not
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: be lonely, there are just I think that you're you're
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: missing out on an opportunity to have a relationship that
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: actually serves more purposes than just that.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Well I hear it is that it's not as simple
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: as money or whatever it may be. Sometimes it's just, yes,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I love this person, that happiness has run its course.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I care about this person. I want this person to
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: be Okay. We have kids we're raising together, and all
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: this I don't know is there. Sometimes I always think
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: that sometimes is that bar too high? And then I think, well, hell,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: yeah it should be. Why shouldn't it be?
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: It should be?
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: And look, we've talked about this a lot, and any
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: sort of mental health professional will tell you the most
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: important relationship you have to have for actual happiness and
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: joy is the one you have with yourself.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: What you think about yourself. It has to start there.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: But the other person, who is with you more than
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: anyone else, that needs to mostly add joy or at
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: least you know, if it does the opposite, if it's
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: taking away your joy, that is a huge red flag.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: So the first question, am I actually happy in this relationship?
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: The second question is interesting, Do I feel more like
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: myself in this relationship or less? That's a scary one
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: because a lot of folks and look, you can adjust,
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: and I've done this, like, wait, I think I'm losing
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: part of who I am or what I love or
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: what is important to me because I'm trying to do
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: everything to make this person happier, make this person like me.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: So it's just one of those quites. Can I be
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: myself in this relationship? Or am I putting on something?
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Am I.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Hike before April's out?
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Okay? Period? All right? And number three?
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Can we grow into the next season together? Or am
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: I outgrowing this relationship? And I do like this concept
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: of imagining the person you're with as growing with you.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: You might not even be in the same place necessarily,
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: but is there an idea of growing together, of learning together,
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: of all of that those I think those were interesting
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: questions to ask yourself.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Am I happy?
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less?
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: And can we grow oh into the next season together?
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: Or am I outgrowing this relationship?
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: See? I think that's a better way. Whoever put it
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: that way?
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: A relationship expert people put.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: It in terms, and when we talk about it as
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: outgrowing a person, you can actually outgrow a relationship. I
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: think as a better and kinder way necessarily to put it,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: and that I always talk to w young folks. They
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: run up to you to talk about getting married in
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: age and whatnot. I don't think it's I think we've
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: given couples the same advice. It's not really a matter
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: if you're too young to get married. The problem ends
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: up being you're not done becoming the individual you're gonna be.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: So in four years you two might be two totally
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: different people who are who would never be attracted to
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: each other unless you have decided you are going to
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: grow together. Don't we do that? Robes and we talk
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: about this new generation is wants to be an individual.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I don't want to contribute to a partnership. I want
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: to be who I am. You have to accept me
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: who I am, this is me. All this stuff fine,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: but that takes away from right. You have to have
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: a unit committed to growing into something. And yeah, you're
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: not going to look like you would have if you
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: were off by yourself.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: It's so fascinating.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: I think it's I'll be so interested, And maybe we are.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: We're in a bubble here in New York where we
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: know young folks who have a certain way of thinking,
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: and maybe it's different in other parts of the country.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: But I will be really curious ten years from now,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: fifteen years from now, what the marriage rates are like.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: I just it would not surprise me if they go
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: down significantly.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, they're trending that way. And we're not talking divorce rates.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: Marriage rates.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Folks. They're not as interested in wanting to delay it
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: longer and longer and longer.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: All right. So if you answered those questions and you
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: think you know what, you don't, they're saying, don't obviously
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: say oh that's it, I need to break up with
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: my partner. They actually said, if you have concerns when
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: you ask yourself these questions, the next thing you should
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: do is check in with your significant other. And they
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: say the number one thing you have to do. I
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: love this advice. Chat about the concerns you have with
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: the relationship. Nobody these days, not nobody, but a lot
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: of folks. It's hard, it's scary, it's uncomfortable. You might
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: get rejected to actually talk about your concerns. And every
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: couple struggles with this. But they say, the more direct
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: you are, the kinder it is.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: And actually you might find a solution.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: The other person might be like, I had no idea
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: you were feeling like this, and then you can move
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: forward together in a different way with a better understanding.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: But a lot of folks just won't even do that.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: They just check out, they don't check in because it's
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: not what they want.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Brobs, this is you know, I am about these things.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Things don't have to escalate. They don't just talk. We're adults,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: grown folks. Just talk. It's one of my favorite things
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I've always done with you. We were first starting our relationship,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: we're wondering, in questioning and what should we do and Dad,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: there was a lot of stuff that was twirling in
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: your head and mind. All that I always said to you,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: ask me anything. I don't give a damn, But there's
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: stakes are too high, there's too much going on, and
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: we you do not need to be uncomfortable at all
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: with your mate when all you have to do is
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: open your mouth to get the answer you want. Yeah,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: and even if you don't like the answer, you're getting
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: an answer. Man, ask me anything. I would tell Kelble's
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: to try that. Say that to your mate. Just a reminder,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: you can ask me anything. Yeah, ask me anything.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: And then there just has to be the willingness to
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: have that radical acceptance to say okay. And that's the
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: hard part to not get offended. But this is the
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: second part of that. So they encourage you be direct
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: with your partner, tell them the concerns you have, even
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: after doing this gut check, and then the number the
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: number two thing you do after that, take note about
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: how receptive they are to fixing or addressing the problem
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: you brought up, and that will give you your answer.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's and you know what, you'd be surprised when
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: you ask or talk calmly, you probably get a better
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: response than if you are yelling and screaming no, it's
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: not your fall. You might be legit. People communicate differently,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and that's ain't that always the.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: Yelling and screaming.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: They would the excerpts from what I was reading would say,
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: and I think we can all say this from personal experience.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: Comes when you bottle things up and you don't actually
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: address the issues at hand, and so it always ends
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: up coming out.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: But sometimes it's destructive instead of constructive. And that's the problem.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: All right, when we come back, that's crazy.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: When we come back, I'm gonna tell y'all what we
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: just did related to this exact damn thing. I did
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: not know about this. I did not hear about this.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I am embarrassed. This is ridiculous. You had these tools
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: in hand, you had a full article, and we still
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: having problems.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: No, but when we come back, yeah, go ahead.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: I actually was going in the other direction.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: If you want to break up, if you went through
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: all of this, you've done the gut check. Your partner
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: was not willing to talk about. The experts say, if
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: you're one of those women and you are joining the
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: April relationship theory where you want to break up with
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: you guy, they have.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: Some steps for you on how to have a healthy breakup.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: And welcome back everyone to this April relationship Theory edition
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: of Amy and DJ, we are not breaking up, but
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: this is a month where a lot of women, they say,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: according to the tick tock trends, decide to make that choice, yes,
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: to break up with their significant others. Not because it's
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: warmer weather and they want to have a hot girl summer,
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: but because they're actually starting to feel good and happy
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: and hopeful, and they look over and they think this
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: is not giving me joy.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: And instead of just.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Doing that knee jerk reaction and just saying, let me
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: join the trend and break up with my guy and
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: start anew, it was cool to see some of these constructive,
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: step by step methods. Relationship experts were asking women and
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: of course men, to to consider first before joining this trend.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, there's not tips on how to break up.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Well, we do have that next, but I was recapping
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: where we were. I just thought it was all to
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: not necessarily just jump there, but there were actually they
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: got to ask yourself things, to ask your partner, and
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: that's what we've done, all right, And that's what we've done.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: And now it's time to break up.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: Yes, Now, if.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: You are among apparently a growing group of women who
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: wants to now break up, they gave some great ideas
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: on how to do that, because it's hard.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: It is hard to tell someone I want to break
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: up with you, is it not.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: It's that conversation is rarely pleasant no matter if both
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: of you are in agreement that this is what we
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: should do.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: It's hard, okay. So the first tip is to be
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: clear and specific. Do not be vague to spare your
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: partner's feelings.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Vague mean you need to give a reason for it.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: You need to be specific, Yes, when this happened or
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: what I've noticed in the past X amount of months,
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm just it's just not enough for me. But
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: to actually give the person that much, I think it's
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: actually it's hard and scary, but it's actually giving that
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: person closure. You're giving them the reason why you're not
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: being vague because you don't.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: Want to hurt their feelings. You actually hurt their feelings.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Even more because I got questions.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: Go ahead.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Is the number one thing, And they said the goal
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: should not be about avoiding discomfort.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: That's so much what we try to do.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: It's about avoiding the ambiguity that keeps both people stuck
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: and guessing and never gives like the gift you can
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: give your partner, if you truly have decided to break
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: up with them, is to give them specific reasons, to
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: give them closure, and maybe even that will give them
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: motivation to work on themselves and be a better partner
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: for the next relationship.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't say that though.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: Don't say that, don't be patronizing, but just be honest
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: and direct.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: I like that. I never actually considered it in that way.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: You actually, in a weird way.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: You're trying to not make them feel bad, but it
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: actually ends up making them feel worse and confused.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: Like I know.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: Actually, I know so many women whose guys whatever ghosts them,
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: drop them, and they just all they want to know
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: is why what happened?
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: And they're never ever given the reason, and it might
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: not even be about them. But it's kind to be
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: direct and specific.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I think you should always be right now in whatever
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: you've been waiting to ask your partner. I'm just I'm
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: of that theory. I understand, and some people have to understand.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Folks are just different. It's not that easy for everyone.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: It's just we are. We just don't have time. We
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: don't have time to mess around. I mean, rogues. What
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: happened in the world h that it's health what anything
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: could happen any day. Why am I delaying any moment
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: of improving my life, my home, my situation, my happiness
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: by just having a conversation with somebody who might really
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: be willing to have the same conversation with me. So
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: I do like what you said that first time. That's
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: why I stopped you. I said, wait when you give
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: specifics what happens in that conversation, because it sounds like
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: your immediately are going to then be hit with, well,
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: I'll fix that. I didn't know this is the first
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: time you've told me, well, just give me time. I
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: can fix that. I can make it happen.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: And that probably will happen if your partner wants to
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: stay in the relationship. But hopefully that all occurred when
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: you had that conversation before you decided to break up
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: with them, because the the what the experts urge is
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: to have the conversation first, take a beat. If you
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: do want to break up with them, then just be
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: specific about why and be clear and just say this
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: isn't me trying to get you to change.
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: This is actually me saying it's not working for.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Me any It was just April eleventh. I didn't know
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I had this many more days to survive.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Once you get that tough conversation out of the way
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: and the breakup is over. The other big bit of
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: advice that experts say, don't rush back to dating apps
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: or be quick to replace the relationship, because you're going
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: to find yourself repeating patterns until unless you actually take
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: time to reconnect with parts of yourself that you may
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: have lost in the relationship.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, now the patterns, oh man, like, I was actually
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: thinking about we need to do a follow up episode
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: tomorrow because I have a whole new thought about the
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: idea of patterns. Right, the idea of patterns. You're not
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: with somebody because that person wasn't doing something for you.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: The patterns thing almost sounds like it's signaling you're making
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: bad choices.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: Well, and you know what, I think part of that
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: is true, because yes, we can.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: There are just people who don't belong together.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: There are just people who you know, I do believe
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: there's a reason season for some relationships. And it doesn't
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: mean that the other person's a bad person. It's just
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: not the right fit. But the truth is, you also
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: have to examine yourself and actually really find out what
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: it is you do want animate And so many folks say,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: take the time when you end a relationship to write
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: down what you want in a relationship, what you want
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: from somebody, and then when you actually go back out
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: into the dating world, you'll know not only what you need,
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: but what you don't need. And that is super helpful
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: in fi the one and finding the person who you
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: do want to work hard for to spend the rest
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: of your life with.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Can you share your list with me when we get
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: off Sure, okay, thank you.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: But I just thought, look this April relationship theory. When
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: I was reading what so many folks were just offering
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: in terms of advice, folks who study this and know
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: a lot more than we do about relationships and what
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: makes us tick, I was thinking people actually really did this.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: It might save some relationships versus ending them. So maybe
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: it can be a renewal and a rebirth with the
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: person who maybe you were not tolerating or not considering
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: in a way that you can now have a refocused
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: effort with. So anyway, whatever type of relationship you're in,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: we hope you have a wonderful season of renewal.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: On this.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I love some of these headlines. I was telling you
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: everyone is breaking up in April. The real emotional New
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: Year is now. April isn't just a month, It's a mood.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: I do like anytime we can have a reason to reset,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: and hopefully this did this for some of y'all. So
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: thank you as always for listening to us. I'm Amy
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: Robot alongside TJ.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: Holmes. We will talk to you soon.