Latest / You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women / 98. You’re Not Confused, You’re Avoiding a Decision

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98. You’re Not Confused, You’re Avoiding a Decision · You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women

• 0:08
  Hi, I'm Danny Tan, and if you are here, you are in the right
• 0:11
  place. Welcome to the Pivot and
• 0:13
  Promotion podcast where we say forget the rules because they
• 0:16
  weren't written for us. I'm Danny Tan, I'm your host as
• 0:19
  well as career and leadership coach and a proud advocate for
• 0:22
  redefining what success and leadership looks like.
• 0:24
  And here's what I know. You can lead at any level, you
• 0:27
  can pivot at any age, and you can make moves.
• 0:30
  Does that feel right for you? Whether you're climbing the
• 0:32
  corporate ladder, starting something completely new, or
• 0:34
  just figuring out your next step, I've got you covered with
• 0:36
  strategies, stories and straight up inspiration.
• 0:39
  So let's make some moves. All righty.
• 0:47
  So in today's episode we are going to talk about how you are
• 0:50
  not confused, you're just avoiding a decision.
• 0:53
  And so as harsh as that may sound, it comes up over and over
• 0:58
  again where we feel like we're confused, we're conflicted,
• 1:00
  we're unsure, we're lacking clarity.
• 1:02
  But I'm here to tell you, in reality, 9 times out of 10,
• 1:06
  you're avoiding a decision. So let's go ahead and dive in.
• 1:09
  So breaking this down into three different phases, the first part
• 1:14
  of what comes up when you're really not confused but avoiding
• 1:17
  a decision is #1 it feels like confusion, but actually it's
• 1:22
  fear. So you might say, I don't know
• 1:25
  what I want, but you kind of do. You might say you're afraid of
• 1:30
  picking the wrong path and missing out on something better,
• 1:33
  but what is that really rooted in?
• 1:36
  And then you say you're in, you're like just staying within
• 1:40
  research mode, hoping more clarity will appear.
• 1:45
  But is that really going to serve you?
• 1:46
  So I just want this to really cement in because we're always
• 1:50
  talking about confusion, lacking clarity, not sure what choice to
• 1:55
  pick. But in reality, we are just
• 1:57
  delaying the decision. And So what I want to reiterate
• 2:01
  here is if you say, I don't know what I want, really stay with
• 2:05
  that and think, do you truly not know what you want?
• 2:07
  Or if you say, I'm afraid I'm going to make the wrong choice,
• 2:11
  I'm going to pick the wrong path.
• 2:13
  And what if I, what if there was something better that could have
• 2:15
  come along? What does that do for you?
• 2:17
  How does that move you forward? The same thing with staying
• 2:20
  within research mode. I have so many folks that I know
• 2:24
  that will stay within the research mode of researching and
• 2:26
  researching and researching, hoping for more clarity, but
• 2:28
  actually it's just delayed them for making a decision and for
• 2:31
  making any step forward. So is that really serving you?
• 2:34
  And So what does that mean for you?
• 2:37
  And so I want you kind of think about like confusion.
• 2:40
  Yeah, that confusion. It's actually about fear because
• 2:46
  picking the wrong path and fear of missing that something better
• 2:50
  could come along. That's a fear of fear of making
• 2:52
  the wrong choice, right? Staying in research mode if I
• 2:56
  can. If I stay in research mode and I
• 2:58
  research this and I research that and I go through all the
• 3:01
  different potential paths and I just keep researching, I'll have
• 3:04
  the answer come up and and surface, but no, it's really
• 3:08
  that you're staying in research mode because you're scared of
• 3:10
  making a decision or scared of making the wrong decision,
• 3:13
  right. And so when we say, I don't know
• 3:15
  what I want, that feels easier sometimes than cleaning and
• 3:18
  saying what it is that we want. And so I just want you to really
• 3:22
  sit in the confusion in the sense of what is my confusion
• 3:27
  really saying? You know, if I were to make a
• 3:29
  decision, what thoughts or emotions are coming up?
• 3:33
  I have my clients. I would say, Danny, you know,
• 3:34
  you always bring us back for our feelings.
• 3:36
  And that's because I truly believe that it's a mixture of
• 3:39
  facts and feelings, right? And so, yes, you can do all the
• 3:42
  research, look at all the data, look at all the potential paths,
• 3:45
  but what is it really sitting back to in the emotion, right?
• 3:48
  The strategy and the tactics alone without emotions, that
• 3:54
  doesn't work. You have to have a mixture of
• 3:56
  the two. There has to be something that
• 3:57
  is deriving it forward, right? Because when we get stuck in
• 4:00
  research mode or strategy mode and we keep getting stuck in it
• 4:03
  and we're like, oh, it's not working.
• 4:04
  Oh, it's not working. That usually tells me we have to
• 4:05
  go one level deeper. There's some emotional piece
• 4:08
  there that keeps driving you down a path that feel like there
• 4:11
  is no result and that is usually rooted in fear.
• 4:16
  And so here's an example. I have one of my clients.
• 4:19
  She was toggling between staying in her job or pivoting
• 4:23
  industries or starting a side business.
• 4:25
  She could not decide she was coming in because she was like,
• 4:27
  I just don't know 100% what I want.
• 4:30
  I know I want to move forward, but I'm not sure if I want to
• 4:32
  move forward in my current job, if I want to change industries
• 4:35
  or I want to start a side business.
• 4:36
  So like little disclaimer here, like not even a disclaimer, just
• 4:38
  a note. A lot of people will ask me
• 4:39
  like, well, I'm not sure if I can work with you because I'm
• 4:42
  not 100% care of what I want, but I know I want to do
• 4:44
  something to change something. Yeah, we can work together.
• 4:47
  People have a sphere that like, can I work with someone if I
• 4:49
  don't have 100% clear vision of what I want?
• 4:52
  No, it can definitely happen. But just knowing that we're
• 4:54
  going to be buckling down to have you make a decision.
• 4:57
  And so with her, you know, a couple months went by or she
• 5:01
  kept saying, like, oh, I need more information.
• 5:02
  I need to research this thing. I have to research that thing.
• 5:05
  And I got real with her. Not that I normally wouldn't,
• 5:07
  but I just said I was like, hey, you came in here because you're
• 5:10
  having issues making a decision when it came to your job.
• 5:14
  You're changing industries or starting a side business and we
• 5:17
  can do research more, which is part of part of my process and
• 5:20
  part of the strategy they do with my clients.
• 5:22
  There is a research phase, but I also know when to count the
• 5:25
  research phase because once you go past a certain point within
• 5:28
  research, you don't ever make it out.
• 5:30
  And that's why a lot of people come to coaching and they come
• 5:32
  to get coached is because they've been researching the
• 5:34
  same idea for months or years, years, years, years, years,
• 5:37
  years, years of like, do I start the business?
• 5:39
  Do I change industries? What do I do?
• 5:41
  And that is a difference between 12 months between someone who
• 5:43
  takes action, who doesn't, between someone who hits their
• 5:46
  goal and who doesn't is when they identify, they are stuck in
• 5:49
  this emotion of fear, which is being, you know, which is in
• 5:53
  disguise as indecision or not knowing what you want or lacking
• 5:58
  clarity. That is just that is just the,
• 6:01
  the pretty way of coding it and coloring it when it's actually
• 6:04
  fear, which we don't like to admit when we have it.
• 6:06
  And so with her, the biggest thing we were talking about, I
• 6:09
  said to her, there is no needing more information.
• 6:12
  There is no more delaying the decision because by making a
• 6:16
  decision and making a choice that actually helps you move
• 6:18
  forward no matter what that looks like.
• 6:20
  And so once we actually named her real fear, which was to
• 6:24
  disappoint others, she was worried about making the wrong
• 6:27
  decision, not because something better would come along, but
• 6:30
  because she was worried about disappointing others,
• 6:32
  disappointing maybe those around her who she really respected.
• 6:36
  And so that was the biggest thing for her.
• 6:38
  And so once we kind of named it, okay, if we disappointed them,
• 6:41
  what would that look like? And she would say, oh, well, you
• 6:44
  know, they mean they won't think of me the same.
• 6:45
  Maybe I'm not as smart, maybe I'm not as respected.
• 6:49
  Maybe they don't, you know, maybe I don't have as a high
• 6:51
  caliber job. OK, great.
• 6:53
  Are those things that are going to bring you happiness?
• 6:56
  Are those things that are super important to you, that you value
• 6:59
  that's going to help you live with yourself day-to-day?
• 7:01
  And so the biggest thing was that her delaying of the
• 7:04
  decision was the potential fear of disappointing others, which
• 7:07
  ultimately was going to let her disappoint herself because she
• 7:10
  wasn't going to pursue the things she wanted to pursue.
• 7:13
  So we made her and we, I made her make a decision.
• 7:17
  And I said, you're going to decide what path you're going to
• 7:19
  move forward with and commit to that path for the next three
• 7:23
  months of everything you can do. So she was like, you know what
• 7:25
  I'm filing him do? I'm filing up change careers.
• 7:27
  I'm going to make this happen. And so she made the commitment
• 7:31
  to change careers. So we did all the things need to
• 7:33
  be done when it came to aligning her resume, aligning her
• 7:37
  LinkedIn, right, so she could get that to happen, focusing her
• 7:40
  research. Now her research was before
• 7:42
  splayed out across three different paths.
• 7:45
  We narrowed down her, her research for having
• 7:46
  informational interviews, for using the tools to set her up
• 7:49
  for the pair that she wanted to do, to understand what skills
• 7:52
  she may need to have the tools she needed, the research she
• 7:54
  needed. And then she was able to pivot
• 7:56
  careers. But it's so hard, y'all, to move
• 7:59
  forward into something if you were dividing your energy.
• 8:02
  Our brains get exhausted when we're constantly flipping topics
• 8:06
  over and over again. So when you're giving your brain
• 8:08
  the three different paths to keep running through the worst
• 8:11
  case scenarios, the best case scenarios, the research, like
• 8:14
  you are not doing yourself justice to a certain extent.
• 8:17
  To a certain extent, you're giving yourself exhaustion of
• 8:19
  the decision when in reality, it's not about the research,
• 8:22
  it's actually about the fear or the emotions that are coming up
• 8:26
  about you making a decision. So the prompt that I have for
• 8:30
  you here is where are you telling yourself you are
• 8:33
  confused in your life when you're actually afraid of making
• 8:38
  the wrong choice? So I'll repeat that prompt
• 8:40
  again. Where are you telling yourself
• 8:43
  you're confused in your life when you're actually afraid of
• 8:48
  making the wrong choice? And y'all I have had this come
• 8:53
  up for myself too many a times of when.
• 8:56
  Oh I feel like I'm confused. I don't know right decision to
• 8:58
  make. I don't know what to do, but all
• 9:00
  I was doing was prolonging a decision that I was ultimately
• 9:02
  wanting to make for myself, putting myself through more like
• 9:06
  emotional struggle and like mental turmoil versus making a
• 9:09
  decision and moving forward with it, right?
• 9:11
  And so who do you want to be? Do you want to be the person
• 9:14
  that's delaying their dreams or do you want to be the person
• 9:16
  that's going to move forward towards what it is that they
• 9:18
  want, knowing that it's not always going to be perfect.
• 9:20
  And that's OK, right? For women, especially women of
• 9:22
  color, like we've been taught that we have to make every
• 9:26
  decision perfectly and right and in the most amazing way of all
• 9:31
  the details and all the intricacies because it created
• 9:33
  safety for us. And that maybe we didn't have
• 9:35
  safety right. And so we create safety for
• 9:38
  ourselves by being conditioned or trained in those past
• 9:42
  environments That if I look at all the scenarios and all the
• 9:46
  possibilities, I'll make the most perfect decision.
• 9:48
  Which will be the best, which will keep me the safest.
• 9:51
  But there is a point in your life, or if you continue to do
• 9:55
  that, you're actually holding yourself back, right?
• 9:58
  So I'm not here to shame that past version of ourselves
• 10:01
  because that past version of ourselves was able to survive by
• 10:06
  having that perfectionism, was able to survive by being the
• 10:09
  type A planner, by being able to survive by being the caretaker
• 10:13
  for everyone else. Like we don't want to shame her.
• 10:14
  We're super grateful for her. She is the reason why you are
• 10:17
  here and you are who you are. But just knowing that she only
• 10:21
  can take us so far in our lives and there's a point where she'll
• 10:24
  actually start to hold us back from what we want, right?
• 10:28
  Because when you want to make bigger decisions, take bigger
• 10:32
  calculator risk for yourselves, make bigger changes, she's not
• 10:36
  the one that's going to necessarily serve you anymore.
• 10:39
  And so knowing that when she's creeping in and that that is
• 10:42
  actually fear speaking because you're expanding your capacity,
• 10:46
  you're expanding what is possible for you.
• 10:48
  All right, So again, where are you telling yourself you're
• 10:51
  confused in your life when you're actually afraid of making
• 10:55
  the wrong choice? OK, so Phase 2, so we talked
• 10:58
  about phase one, which is it feels like confusion, but it's
• 11:01
  actually fear. So let's talk about phase two.
• 11:03
  The more options you have, the harder it feels to choose.
• 11:08
  So you've listened to every podcast, you've downloaded every
• 11:12
  worksheet and you've written every pro con list, but you're
• 11:16
  still stuck, right? Too many option often leads to
• 11:19
  no action, especially for high achievers who want to get it
• 11:22
  right. So again, this is like for those
• 11:26
  who are like, OK, I have this option, this option, this
• 11:28
  option, I'm going to utilize every single resource underneath
• 11:31
  the sun. I'm going to watch this YouTube
• 11:33
  video. I'm going to take this course on
• 11:34
  Coursera. I'm going to go ahead and
• 11:36
  download this podcast episode. I'm going to get this free
• 11:38
  freebie worksheet from so and so, and I'm going to make the
• 11:41
  list. The pros, the cons utilize all
• 11:43
  my resources in my network. But you're still feeling stuck.
• 11:46
  And it's because when you have a too many options or too many
• 11:49
  resources, at a certain point, you actually don't take action.
• 11:54
  And this is especially for the high achievers, which are
• 11:56
  definitely you, me, everyone here, all of our high achievers
• 12:00
  are women, especially women of color who want to get it right.
• 12:03
  Like I said before, it's like about making it perfect, making
• 12:06
  the right choice, making the perfect decision, right?
• 12:08
  Because that's what has created safety for us of what it is that
• 12:12
  we want to do. But here's the thing, When you
• 12:14
  have gone from maybe having minimal resources to having so
• 12:18
  many resources, right? Because you've built this life
• 12:21
  for yourself and you've worked so hard for it, now you have so
• 12:24
  many resources. You're like, which one do I
• 12:26
  choose? Which one is going to help me
• 12:27
  the most most? Which one will help serve me the
• 12:29
  most? And that actually can create a
• 12:31
  lot of overwhelm because now we have so many things to choose
• 12:34
  from versus me just making a decision of what I want to do
• 12:37
  with my life, whether it's a career, whether it's a pivot,
• 12:40
  whether it's a promotion, whether it's starting a new
• 12:42
  business, whether it's going after that big dream or taking
• 12:45
  that big trip. Now I have to also decide what
• 12:48
  are the best tools to help me get there.
• 12:50
  And that sounds so overwhelming. And so the biggest thing that I
• 12:54
  want to tell you is that for all of my clients, they're super
• 12:59
  smart, they're brilliant, they're amazing at what they do.
• 13:02
  They are amazing. They're either first, second
• 13:04
  Gen. you know, daughter of immigrants, they're either
• 13:07
  first, second Gen. to graduate, you know, university.
• 13:10
  They're their first, second Gen. to do what they're doing within
• 13:13
  their industries, right within their families, with their
• 13:15
  friend groups, like they can get things done.
• 13:18
  But here's The thing is that for anyone, even if you are a high
• 13:21
  achiever, if you have so many different options, you will not
• 13:23
  know which one is the best path to pick.
• 13:25
  And so I, when I had one of my clients, she was like, OK, so I
• 13:29
  know that I can pick all these different paths.
• 13:33
  I can go into a leadership role within my current industry or I
• 13:36
  can start this creative side hustle, you know, but I just,
• 13:39
  she just couldn't pick. And she was like, or should I
• 13:42
  even within these two things like do I need to re evaluate
• 13:45
  how I show up? And I was like, OK, so you know,
• 13:48
  it all came up again of like, I don't know which thing to pick.
• 13:52
  And so for the leadership roles piece, she was like, I've
• 13:54
  researched this kind of title and this kind of path, also this
• 13:57
  kind of title and this kind of path.
• 13:58
  I'm like, OK, makes sense. They are interested in both, but
• 14:01
  let's start to narrow it down because how can you fully pursue
• 14:04
  both the same time? But she also wanted to start her
• 14:06
  creative side business. So she had two different ideas,
• 14:10
  almost 3, two different ideas of what it is that she wanted to
• 14:13
  do. So then she had four different
• 14:16
  paths mapped out. So I was like, OK, if you have
• 14:19
  this kind of leadership role mapped out, path one, this
• 14:23
  leadership role path 2, creative side hustle path 3, it's
• 14:26
  creative side hustle path 4. You have so many different
• 14:29
  things. How are we going to laser and
• 14:31
  focus your energy on what it is that you want to move it
• 14:34
  forward? And so for her, you know, it was
• 14:35
  this whole thing of like the confusion, the overall, I don't
• 14:38
  know what to choose. You know, what does it be the
• 14:40
  best thing? How do I decide?
• 14:42
  I don't know if I can make a decision.
• 14:43
  Oh, I'm indecisive. No, she's not indecisive.
• 14:46
  You said that there's so many paths out there that makes a
• 14:48
  hard and so we had to really simplify it and make it what is
• 14:51
  most important. So I always like have folks go
• 14:54
  through like all my clients go through different exercises of
• 14:56
  like what is a priority to you in the season that you're going
• 14:59
  to be entering? So for example, if we're looking
• 15:01
  for you in the season for the next 3612 months, what is most
• 15:06
  important to you that you want to prioritize?
• 15:08
  Whether that's values, whether that's lifestyle, whether that's
• 15:10
  the strength that it is that you want to focus on?
• 15:12
  What is the priority? So that way we can then create a
• 15:15
  filter with that to see what out of these rules actually match up
• 15:18
  to that. That's the biggest thing is that
• 15:20
  when we come from a place of indecision, we have to decide,
• 15:24
  OK, let me go back to the core based on my timeline and based
• 15:27
  what's most important to me, where is it that I want to go?
• 15:30
  Then we can see, OK, how do these paths, the forward from
• 15:33
  paths that you have actually roll up and serve into that if
• 15:36
  they are relevant or not. That will help us decide where
• 15:40
  you narrow it down into. But that's the biggest thing is
• 15:42
  like when you have like endless options, a scene array of
• 15:45
  options. We have to figure out how to nip
• 15:47
  it in the bud to narrow it down. Now, I always say this like our
• 15:51
  brains don't like to feel like we are being backed in a corner
• 15:55
  and that we don't have decisions, right?
• 15:57
  Especially if you're one of my folks who are like multi
• 15:58
  passionate, Like I have folks who just have multiple passions
• 16:01
  and there's OK. There is no shame in having more
• 16:03
  than one passion of things you want to pursue.
• 16:05
  But it's just good to have a criteria or a strategy, a
• 16:08
  framework on how to prioritize which paths to pursue based off
• 16:12
  of the season, which is what we do together in coaching.
• 16:15
  So that way it doesn't feel like you're abandoning any of the
• 16:17
  paths. We are just right sizing the
• 16:19
  ship for what path makes the most sense in the current state
• 16:22
  of what it is you are trying to achieve.
• 16:24
  All right. And so this helps her get really
• 16:28
  tight on what it is that she wanted to pursue.
• 16:30
  She was like, OK, path A, that is not helping me in the in the
• 16:32
  next 12 months. That's something that I was just
• 16:35
  like curious that I wanted to explore.
• 16:36
  OK, done the other side gig that she wanted to that was like more
• 16:39
  of a creative palace. She's like, OK, that's actually
• 16:41
  that's more of like a hobby that I like to do.
• 16:43
  I'll have to actually turn that into my side business.
• 16:45
  OK, great, done. And so within that, she was able
• 16:48
  to commit to one thing and pitch herself for a role that she
• 16:51
  wanted to pursue. And she landed the offer.
• 16:54
  But it's so hard to land something if you have your
• 16:56
  energy divided up into multiple things.
• 16:59
  And so my prompt for you is this.
• 17:01
  What options are actually aligned for you and what are you
• 17:06
  just keeping around for a just in case or maybe it's like just
• 17:09
  for fun or just a hobby. So if you have multiple paths
• 17:12
  laid out for you right now, what options are actually aligned for
• 17:16
  what you need in this current season of your life of what is a
• 17:18
  priority right now for your values, your strengths, your
• 17:21
  lifestyle? And what other ones are you just
• 17:23
  keeping around for just in case? Maybe that's like for future
• 17:25
  year, maybe that's just for fun, but it's not for you right now.
• 17:28
  All right, perfect. So the third phase that I want
• 17:31
  to talk to you when it comes to how you are not confused, you
• 17:33
  are just avoiding making decision.
• 17:36
  Is this OK? Commitment creates clarity.
• 17:40
  Commitment creates clarity, not the other way around, right?
• 17:43
  So you think you need clarity before you commit, but most of
• 17:47
  the time clarity comes from choosing and taking action.
• 17:50
  You're not stuck, you're avoiding discomfort.
• 17:53
  And so I say this a lot about how commitment creates clarity
• 17:57
  and how making a decision creates clarity.
• 17:59
  Taking action creates clarity because if you keep trying to
• 18:02
  think your way to clarity of sitting with all the research,
• 18:06
  making all the decisions and you have not made a decision, it's
• 18:08
  probably because you have to make a decision.
• 18:10
  And so here's the biggest thing is that once you commit and you
• 18:14
  make a decision towards something, you get to experience
• 18:17
  it and see what it's like and see if you like it and what you
• 18:19
  don't like from it, and you collect data from that decision.
• 18:23
  And so making a decision helps you create clarity.
• 18:26
  You're able to collect data from that decision.
• 18:29
  And so here's the thing, if you keep delaying the decision, you
• 18:34
  were just avoiding fear. Sorry, cut out for the hot take
• 18:48
  is this. If you want to move forward, you
• 18:51
  have to do something that's going to be difficult and it's
• 18:53
  going to be a little bit uncomfortable, right?
• 18:54
  If you wanted to stay the same and be exactly where you are and
• 18:58
  not make a big change in your life, then you wouldn't make a
• 19:00
  decision. Just saying that one more time,
• 19:03
  if you do not want to experience discomfort, right, then you're
• 19:09
  not going to make a change. You're going to stay exactly
• 19:11
  where you are doing the same thing.
• 19:12
  And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
• 19:14
  But just be honest with yourself of why you feel confused or why
• 19:18
  you're delaying making a decision, right?
• 19:20
  And so just knowing that you are not stuck, you're avoiding
• 19:22
  discomfort and that it will be uncomfortable to make a big
• 19:25
  change, to take a big step out to achieve the thing that is
• 19:28
  that you want to achieve. It's not easy.
• 19:29
  It's not easy to grow right? And it's not it's not for the
• 19:33
  page of heart either. But just being able to be honest
• 19:35
  with yourself with that will make it so much more
• 19:39
  understandable and easier to sit with the fact of like, OK, this
• 19:43
  is the reality of what it is. I can either decide to make the
• 19:44
  decision or not. And how making the decision will
• 19:47
  help you start to collect more data.
• 19:49
  So for example, let's say I have a client, I have multiple
• 19:53
  clients actually who are making the decision to start a
• 19:55
  business, whether that's going to be part time to what they do
• 19:58
  in corporate or go into a full time.
• 20:00
  And so some folks will say, well, I'm not sure if I want to
• 20:02
  do. My business within consulting or
• 20:05
  I want to do my business within coaching, I want to do my
• 20:07
  business within creating a marketing agency, let's say.
• 20:10
  And so they're deciding between the different businesses, but
• 20:12
  they're not sure which one to pick.
• 20:14
  What if I picked the wrong 1:00? What if I have the wrong name
• 20:17
  for it? What if I identify the wrong
• 20:18
  client? And the biggest thing that I let
• 20:20
  them know is that you have to decide to collect data from that
• 20:23
  decision. And so for example, if you
• 20:27
  decide you want to do consulting over a marketing agency in a
• 20:31
  different capacity in the sense of the marketing agency, let's
• 20:33
  say you have set services that you want to be doing with set
• 20:37
  clients you want to work with. Maybe for the consulting, you
• 20:39
  just want to work past businesses that you've already
• 20:41
  worked with in your corporate life, right?
• 20:43
  So maybe it's a little bit less specific or niche down to the
• 20:47
  the things you'll be willing to do or the things that you'll be
• 20:49
  working on, the services you're offering.
• 20:50
  So then let's say you start with consulting, you find some
• 20:54
  clients, you're working with them, OK.
• 20:57
  You realize I don't like working with these past clients that I
• 21:01
  worked with when I was in corporate.
• 21:02
  I don't like maybe what kind of projects they're giving me.
• 21:05
  I'm not obsessed with this pricing and the kind of
• 21:07
  formatting that I did. I'm not sure if it's what I want
• 21:09
  to be offering anymore. I don't know.
• 21:11
  That is all good because you took a step forward, number one,
• 21:15
  versus sitting back there months, months ago, just sitting
• 21:19
  for months doing nothing. You took action #2 now you've
• 21:22
  collected data of who it is you want to serve, what kind of
• 21:24
  pricing you want to do, what kind of work you want to do.
• 21:26
  We make it seem like a decision is forever and they're not.
• 21:29
  A lot of them are not forever. And so for example, for this
• 21:32
  one, great, you've done some consulting for a few months.
• 21:36
  You realize it's not for you, but you want to try a marketing
• 21:38
  agency where maybe you're not going to work with clients that
• 21:41
  you worked with in the past in your corporate life.
• 21:42
  Maybe you want to niche down to a specific kind of demographic,
• 21:45
  offering very specific kind of services that you actually enjoy
• 21:48
  creating, and then you're marketing it that way.
• 21:50
  That's OK. Now you've collected that data
• 21:52
  to figure out where you want to price yourself, who you want to
• 21:54
  work with, what kind of work you want to do.
• 21:56
  But we don't do that by trying to create the list of pro cons
• 22:01
  in our minds of what will be the best.
• 22:03
  We learn by doing right. And so that's the part that's so
• 22:06
  important. But it's uncomfortable.
• 22:08
  It's uncomfortable to feel like we don't have it all together.
• 22:12
  We don't have it perfect. The perfect name, the perfect
• 22:14
  offering, the perfect service is the perfect website.
• 22:16
  Because we're scared. We're nervous of what our
• 22:18
  perception will be. We have fears about, OK, how
• 22:22
  will I be perceived, what he will think of me?
• 22:24
  How will I deliver, right? But The thing is that once you
• 22:26
  are able to be comfortable with the discomfort of all of that
• 22:30
  and knowing that these fears will surface, but they don't
• 22:33
  define you and you can still move forward through them,
• 22:36
  that's when you start to really take action and you realize that
• 22:40
  you are not confused. You just don't want to make a
• 22:43
  decision and just claim it. And so I had a client who was
• 22:47
  going back and back and back and back and back and forth about
• 22:50
  what it was when she wanted to either stay in her current field
• 22:53
  or make a move to something new. And she was just scared to tell
• 22:56
  her family. She was scared to tell her
• 22:58
  family because she's like, I create an entire career around
• 23:01
  this. She's like, I got my masters in
• 23:03
  this. I created an entire career and
• 23:05
  what it is that I'm doing right now.
• 23:07
  And now I'm going to go ahead and leave it all behind to
• 23:08
  change industries. That's absolutely insane.
• 23:10
  My family, I think I'm I'm crazy and they're not going to be able
• 23:12
  to relate. And so I was like, OK, but
• 23:14
  clearly it is what you want to do.
• 23:16
  It's just the fear of like what comes with the decision or the
• 23:20
  perceptions that maybe you know, others will think of you by this
• 23:24
  decision is what's holding you back.
• 23:25
  And so once she was able to name that out loud and they're like,
• 23:27
  what is the worst case scenario of that happening, right?
• 23:30
  And, and is that something that you really want to root your
• 23:32
  decision making around? That's the thing I want you to
• 23:35
  think about. Like if you're not doing
• 23:36
  something because of fear, is that the reason why you want to?
• 23:42
  Is that the reason why you want to stop yourself from doing
• 23:44
  something? And especially if it's the fear
• 23:47
  of what others may think or how others may perceive you, how
• 23:49
  others may feel, is that what you want to live by?
• 23:53
  Even for those of us who have the fear or insecurity of
• 23:55
  finances, right, I don't know if that's going to be financially
• 23:58
  secure. I don't know if that's going to
• 24:00
  help me be financially safe or hit my goals.
• 24:04
  Is that where you want to live forever?
• 24:06
  And do you not have the belief in yourself that I know how to
• 24:08
  take care of myself financially? That's for a whole other day.
• 24:11
  Especially for entrepreneurs especially, we've come from a
• 24:13
  place of like financial instability in our upbringings
• 24:17
  or environments. It's very hard for us to break
• 24:20
  out of the feeling of not having financial security.
• 24:23
  But we have to then start to teach ourselves that we are able
• 24:26
  to create that for ourselves, that no one else is the keeper
• 24:29
  of our financial literacy. Our find no success except for
• 24:33
  ourselves. Ultimately we can start to learn
• 24:35
  and self teach if we came from a place where we didn't have that
• 24:37
  before. But it's not enough to stop you
• 24:40
  from going after what you want to pursue.
• 24:41
  That's the biggest thing I want you to think about when you are
• 24:43
  not making a decision to move forward.
• 24:46
  What is driving behind it? Is it the emotion and what
• 24:49
  emotion is that? And is that something you want
• 24:51
  to define your decision making and to know that discomfort will
• 24:55
  come? And so back to my client again.
• 24:58
  So her having this like scary moment to make this decision if
• 25:01
  she wanted to get out of her field or not.
• 25:03
  Because the odds of the fear of telling her family and what they
• 25:05
  would think besides all of the credentials that she has like
• 25:07
  created once we just talked about like what that really
• 25:10
  meant for her. And if that's what she wanted to
• 25:11
  define her decision making, she was able to move out of that.
• 25:13
  And she was like, you know what? I just got to own it.
• 25:15
  That's what it is, right? It's just, it's, it's so easy to
• 25:20
  be an unlikable woman. So just own it at times, right?
• 25:22
  That's how I feel. I'm just assume that I will not
• 25:25
  be 100% liked and that's OK, Especially when we've been
• 25:28
  conditioned and grown up to be like a, a good girl or to be
• 25:34
  super likable or, you know, be super lovable or be super kind
• 25:37
  like, OK, but who is that serving?
• 25:39
  Is it serving you? Anyway, we made her pivot plan.
• 25:42
  She was able to move through and start to network and get
• 25:45
  interviews lined up and start to boost her confidence like, wait,
• 25:47
  this is actually possible. There's people that we identify
• 25:50
  that have made the same pivot as her.
• 25:51
  And she was like, OK, now I know that I can do this.
• 25:53
  This is the path that it can be to move forward.
• 25:55
  So she had interviews lined up already when it came to the end
• 25:58
  of her coaching for her to start getting ready for what is that
• 26:00
  she wanted to do. So I mean y'all, what would,
• 26:04
  what would change if you trusted yourself, if you trusted your
• 26:10
  decision making? What, how would your life
• 26:12
  potentially change if you trusted yourself to make
• 26:15
  decisions? If you trusted yourself to
• 26:16
  choose right even without all the answers?
• 26:20
  So I'm just so curious for you, how could your life potentially
• 26:24
  change if you trusted yourself to choose to make decisions even
• 26:28
  if you don't have all the answers?
• 26:30
  All right, So hopefully this episode was not too much of A
• 26:36
  dig into your deep emotions or core.
• 26:39
  I'm indefinitely was meant to help awaken something because I
• 26:42
  truly hear all the time how people are confused.
• 26:45
  They don't know what to do. They feel like they're picking
• 26:46
  the wrong path. And I wanted to let you know,
• 26:48
  you do know you know, or at least you have some kind of
• 26:52
  idea. And if you can't figure that
• 26:53
  out, like through journaling or with a friend or with a mentor,
• 26:57
  like come to a coach, because I will be here all day to tell you
• 27:00
  about how you are not confused. It's about making a decision
• 27:03
  that you may be avoiding or that may be uncomfortable.
• 27:05
  But if you are ready to make that decision, if you're ready
• 27:08
  to take that step forward, then you know where to find me.
• 27:11
  All right, So I hope you found this helpful, and I will be here
• 27:15
  again next week, and I will talk to you soon.
• 27:18
  OK, bye.