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Mindset Shift: Change the way you speak · Sandra Elizabeth - The Leadership Collective

• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Leadership is shaped by the way we think, the decisions we make, and the courage that we show when it matters most.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sandra Elizabeth and this is the Leadership Collective, a space where we challenge old thinking, develop stronger leadership, and become more intentional about who we are becoming.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Today, as part of our Mindset Shift series, we are talking about changing the way you speak because your words shape your confidence, your expectations, and ultimately your actions.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: We are so concerned that social media or even our phones are listening to us when we speak, but your life is listening to the words that you repeatedly speak.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Words may not change everything instantly, but they influence the direction in which you move.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you repeatedly speak defeat, you eventually begin to expect defeat.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: When you expect defeat, you hesitate, you withdraw, and then you stop trying.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So your words become expectations, your expectations affect your actions, and then your actions will help create your result.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: So changing your life requires more than just changing what you want.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: You must change the way you speak, the way you think, and the way you do things.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this is not about pretending that problems don't exist.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's about refusing to give problems the final word over your future.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your words will shape your inner world.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Listen carefully to the way you speak about yourself.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Do you say I am always messing things up?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you tell people people like me will never get opportunities?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do you sometimes say nobody listens to me?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I am not confident, or there is no point in trying again.
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  SPEAKER_00: When a statement is repeated often enough, it stops sounding like an opinion and begins sounding like an identity.
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  SPEAKER_00: There is a huge difference between saying I made a mistake and saying I am a failure.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's a difference between saying the season is difficult and saying my whole life is hopeless.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: There is a difference between saying I am still learning to speak confidently and saying I have no voice.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: The first statement leaves room for growth, but the second builds a prison.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: A mindset shift begins when you stop using permanent words for temporary situations.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of saying I cannot do this, you need to say I have not mastered this yet.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying nothing is changing, you should say change may be slow, but I am moving forward.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying it is too late for me, you'd rather say I can make a meaningful decision today.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So your language should tell the truth about the present without canceling the possibility of the future.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: In my book, The Penguin Club, I share so many stories about how people are allowed to speak over you, to speak for you and to decide for you.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: That sort of learning is an early pattern.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's about fitting in often feels easier than standing out.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Silence appears to protect you from disagreement, from rejection, and from embarrassment.
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  SPEAKER_00: But silence has a way of becoming a habit.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: You first stay quiet in one uncomfortable moment.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Then another moment comes, and silence feels easier the second time.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually you learn to read the room, adjust your words and say just enough, but never what you truly think.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: There are times you will want to resign, you will even go down to writing the resignation letter.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your body is still in the room, but your spirit has left.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is because you sense that something is wrong, but you never ever speak up.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people may describe you as being agreeable, easy to work with, and peaceful.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yet inside you know something is missing.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: You are present in the room, but your voice is absent.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of the central lessons of the Penguin Club.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: The club does not always ask you to leave, it asks you to agree.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes agreement is spoken.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is simply silence.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking positively is not enough.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: You must speak up.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Changing the way you speak is not only about saying positive things to yourself, it is also about using your voice when something needs to be said.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: There are times when silence is wise.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: We do not need to react to everything, answer every criticism, or even enter every argument.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom knows when to be quiet.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not every argument deserves your voice, and not every opinion requires an answer.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But make sure that your silence comes from wisdom and not fear.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Wise silence protects your peace without compromising your truth.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you time to listen, reflect, and respond with clarity.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes silence prevents unnecessary conflict.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: At other times, speaking up prevents unnecessary harm.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: So true wisdom knows the difference.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Fear will tell you this is not the right time.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: They may not like you, or what if you are wrong?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is safer to say nothing.
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  SPEAKER_00: See, the question is not simply should I remain quiet.
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  SPEAKER_00: The better question is, am I quiet because I am wise or because I am afraid?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: In the corporate world, you will find people with old fears within them.
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  SPEAKER_00: They are intelligent, they are capable, they're hardworking, they're skilled, and yet often they hesitate to speak with confidence.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: People worry about saying the wrong thing or challenging authority or being perceived negatively.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: You do not have to shout to be heard, you do not have to become disrespectful to be honest.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can speak with wisdom, calmness, and with clarity.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking up is not about creating conflict.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes your words reveal a problem that silence has been hiding.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Silence is not always peace.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Many people say I am just keeping the peace.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: There is a difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking.
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  SPEAKER_00: Peacekeeping avoids discomfort, it smooths everything over even when something is wrong.
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  SPEAKER_00: Peacemaking has the courage to address what is unhealthy so that something better can be built.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Unresolved issues never disappear because nobody speaks about them.
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  SPEAKER_00: They settle beneath the surface.
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  SPEAKER_00: Over time they create frustration, resentment, and distance.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: In leadership, silence can be especially costly.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: The warning that could have prevented a problem is never spoken.
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  SPEAKER_00: The idea that could have been something that improved the organization is never heard.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: The leader becomes surrounded by agreement and loses access to truth.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Healthy leaderships create room for respectful disagreement.
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  SPEAKER_00: A good leader does not ask who supports my idea.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: A good leader will ask, what am I missing?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So your responsibility is not to say everything that enters your mind.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your responsibility is to protect the integrity of your voice.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: I recently followed two public stories.
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  SPEAKER_00: They involve murder, suicide, and allegations of abuse.
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  SPEAKER_00: So this part may be difficult for some listeners.
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  SPEAKER_00: It is not entertainment.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm sharing them because they show that words can reveal what is happening beneath the surface and that speaking up must be met by people who are prepared to listen and act responsibly.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: In September 2026, a jury convicted Caleb Flynn of murdering his wife Ashley Flynn.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Prosecutors presented private messages in which he had expressed hatred towards Ashley, and he had thoughts of killing her.
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  SPEAKER_00: They argued that he later killed her and staged the scene to resemble a home invasion.
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  SPEAKER_00: All his conversations with his mistress were read out publicly.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: But what makes the story especially disturbing is the contrast between the public image and the private language.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Caleb had only spoken publicly about Ashley's support for his dreams, yet the words later presented in court revealed something much darker.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Whether Ashley knew it or not, but her life was in danger because people failed to speak up.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: The leadership lesson in this is not that every angry statement predicts violence.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: It is that repeated threatening language should not automatically be dismissed as frustration, humor, or empty talk.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Words can expose resentment, deception, and dangerous intent.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: When language becomes threatening, controlling, or violent, wisdom takes it seriously.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So pay attention and refuse to normalize threatening speech and seek appropriate help when someone may be in danger.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And here's another story, Micah Miller.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Her story teaches us something else about voice.
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  SPEAKER_00: She died by suicide in April 2024.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Before her death, she had made allegations of abuse, harassment, and stalking during the breakdown of her marriage.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Her estranged husband denied wrongdoing connected to her death.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: He was later federally charged with alleged cyber stalking and making false statements, matters that must be determined through the legal process.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Michael's story reminds us that telling people to speak up is not enough.
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  SPEAKER_00: What happens when they do?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are they believed?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are concerns documented?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are qualified professionals involved?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Are safety measures considered?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or are reputation, position, and appearances protected while the person asking for help becomes easier to ignore?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Organizations, families, churches must never use spiritual language to silence legitimate concerns.
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  SPEAKER_00: Forgive, submit, keep the peace, and do not embarrass the organization or the family must not become tools that pressure someone to remain unsafe or voiceless.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking up is courageous.
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  SPEAKER_00: Listening well is also a leadership responsibility.
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  SPEAKER_00: If someone tells you that they feel threatened, controlled, or unsafe, do not promise secrecy and try to manage a dangerous situation alone.
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  SPEAKER_00: Help them contact qualified local support or emergency services when necessary.
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  SPEAKER_00: Their safety matters more than protecting an image.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: In today's world, image matters more than protecting people.
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  SPEAKER_00: So change that mindset.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Change your words and change what you do.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: A mindset shift cannot stop with language.
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  SPEAKER_00: New words must lead to new behavior.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can say I believe in myself, but if you keep avoiding every opportunity, the old pattern is still leading you.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can say I am moving forward, but if you keep returning to the same habits, the past is still in control.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, I want change, but if you keep doing everything exactly as before, you are asking for a new result from an old routine.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Changing the way you do things may mean preparing before the meeting so that you can speak confidently.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: It may mean learning a new skill rather than repeating, I am not good with technology.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: It may mean having the conversation you have delayed, setting a boundary, or finally beginning the project you have discussed for years.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Words establish direction.
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  SPEAKER_00: Actions create movement.
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  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what am I doing that agrees with the future I keep talking about?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: If your words and your actions are moving in opposite directions, one of them must change.
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  SPEAKER_00: Stop living through the language of the past.
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  SPEAKER_00: Many people speak from old experiences as though those experiences are still happening.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: They say I was rejected before, so nobody will accept me.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: I failed once, so I am not capable.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: People ignored me then, so my voice does not matter now.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Your past may explain some of your thinking, but it does not have to dictate your future.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to learn a new language for a new season.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: The child who was afraid to speak does not have to remain a silent adult.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: The employee who was once overlooked does not have to enter every new room expecting rejection.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: The person who made a poor decision does not have to introduce himself to the future through his mistake.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to encourage women.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Women must be encouraged to stand up and speak out, not only against physical abuse, but against emotional manipulation, intimidation, harassment, discrimination, and every attempt to silence voices.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking out is not disrespectful, it is an act of courage and self-protection.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: No woman should be pressured to remain quiet simply to protect a family, a church, an organization, or a public image.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: When a woman says she feels threatened, controlled, or unsafe, listen to her without judgment and respond responsibly.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: The wrongdoings always belong to the abuser, never to the woman who struggle to find her voice.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Women deserve to be heard, believed, supported, and protected.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: However, not every woman who calls you sister will stand with you against abuse.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Some will excuse harmful behavior, protect powerful people, or pressure you to remain silent.
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  SPEAKER_00: That is not sisterhood, and that is not a healthy leadership.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the person leading a sisterhood is privately living without a voice of her own.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: She may be educated but still controlled in her own personal life, even to the point where she's denied financial independence.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: She's not even allowed to have a bank account.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of confronting her own pain and speaking up, she may project it onto other women by criticizing, belittling, or silencing them.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Unresolved pain does not excuse harmful leadership.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: A true sisterhood leader will first find the courage to face her own truth before teaching other women how to live theirs.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Do not keep rehearsing yesterday until it becomes tomorrow.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Honor what you survived, learn from what happened, but stop using the past as proof that nothing new can happen.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: You are not denying your story when you speak differently.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: You are deciding that the painful chapter will not write the ending of your story.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: As I come to the end of this podcast, I want to remind you today that changing the way you speak is about more than sounding positive.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is about changing the relationship you have had with yourself, with your past and with your future.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Stop speaking permanent defeat over temporary situations.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Stop calling silence peace when fear is controlling your voice.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Stop repeatedly using yesterday's language in a season that requires something new.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Speak with hope, but also speak with honesty.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Speak up when your voice can bring clarity.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure that your actions agree with the future that you are declaring.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: You see, your words will shape your confidence.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Your confidence influences your choices.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Your choices determine your direction.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Change the way you speak, change the way you respond, change the way you do things.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: You are not required to live forever as the person you had to be in the past.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: As you move through this week, listen to the language that you use about yourself, your future, and other people.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Replace defeat with possibility, silence rooted in fear with calm truth, and old habits with actions that agree with the person you are becoming.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Continue to be that person, to be that person that you are becoming, not the person that your pain tried to create.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Never allow a mistake, never allow a betrayal, never allow a mistress, never allow another person's choices to hold you down.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Never let negative people make you question your worth or silence your voice.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Rise above what happened.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Reclaim your confidence and keep moving towards your future.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Your voice is not merely something you use, it is something you are responsible for.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: So from this moment forward, let your words reflect where you are going, not only what you have survived.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: The next chapter of your life will require a new conversation, a new response, and a new version of you.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, lead with truth and live with courage.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have a blessed week ahead.