Latest / The Ben Maller Show / Hour 3 - Grin and Bear It

Transcript

Hour 3 - Grin and Bear It · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Boom, shaka Laca. It's our number three, our number three,
0:06
Speaker 1: talking foot ball. What are you intrigued by this? Ben
0:11
Speaker 1: Johnson meltdown story with the Bears. What intrigues you about
0:15
Speaker 1: this Ben Johnson meltdown story with the Bears. We'll talk
0:18
Speaker 1: about that. Also. How does Patrick Mahomes selling the opportunity
0:22
Speaker 1: the Chiefs have for being winless sound to you? And
0:26
Speaker 1: the Vikings backup quarterback Carson Wentz drawing rave reviews as
0:31
Speaker 1: he prepares for his first meaningful start in nearly three years?
0:35
Speaker 1: Nearly three years? What do you make of this? We'll
0:39
Speaker 1: talk about that as well. Also, Benny versus Depenning on
0:41
Speaker 1: YouTube YouTube dot com slash at Benny versus Penny all
0:45
Speaker 1: my NFL picks from the big games. But here it
0:47
Speaker 1: is our number three. You just got a grinnin, Barrett.
0:52
Speaker 1: Sometimes you just have to grin and Barrett welcome in
0:55
Speaker 1: the beginning of another hour of the Ba Mallor Show.
1:01
Speaker 1: I know it's wild and crazy and wacky, and it
1:06
Speaker 1: just one after another after another after another.
1:09
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2:07
Speaker 1: be So we are back at it here as we
2:10
Speaker 1: yap away in the overnight and this hour, I want
2:16
Speaker 1: to go back to the story. I'm fascinated by what's
2:18
Speaker 1: going on right now in Chicago, so let's spend a
2:22
Speaker 1: couple of minutes on that, and that is where we
2:24
Speaker 1: will start here. Good content week for the Bears. I
2:27
Speaker 1: know Eugene in Chicago, our buddy Tree in Chicago, and
2:31
Speaker 1: a bunch of the regulars there, although a lot of
2:34
Speaker 1: them are working the day shift now so they're not
2:36
Speaker 1: as active as they used to be, Yaphoemi and some
2:38
Speaker 1: of those other guys. So our lead is from Chicago.
2:41
Speaker 1: Good content, as we said. Now, if you did not
2:42
Speaker 1: hear the latest on this, possibly not Ben Johnson. This
2:46
Speaker 1: guy's having a breakdown and it's not even week three
2:49
Speaker 1: for his Bears yet they haven't played yet. So Ben
2:51
Speaker 1: Johnson recently said that the Detroit Lions played harder, harder
2:59
Speaker 1: than he said, and that is a reflection on me
3:03
Speaker 1: and the players. Now that's referencing Chicago giving up fifty
3:07
Speaker 1: two points Holy Jay dot in Utah, fifty two points
3:15
Speaker 1: in the loss at Detroit. Now this comes after Ben
3:18
Speaker 1: Johnson had said, we talked about this in a previous
3:20
Speaker 1: episode of the show, that Chicago players practice habits are
3:23
Speaker 1: not good enough. They're not championship level practice habits. So
3:26
Speaker 1: let us discuss another day, another revelation. So the question is,
3:30
Speaker 1: are you intrigued by this latest Ben Johnson quote, This
3:36
Speaker 1: essentially meltdown regarding the Bears and the habits of the
3:41
Speaker 1: Chicago Bears. So I've got on this one my views.
3:43
Speaker 1: I've got Doogie Howser, Hotels dot Com, and ihop and
3:47
Speaker 1: we will combine all of these things together, and we
3:51
Speaker 1: are going to make a bagel and then we're gonna
3:54
Speaker 1: put some baba ganooche on top of the bagel. Is
3:56
Speaker 1: what we're gonna do. So, first of all, yes I'm
4:01
Speaker 1: talking about this. Yes, I'm intrigued by this story. Another
4:05
Speaker 1: Bears coach comes into Chicago thinking that he's the modern
4:09
Speaker 1: day Vince Lombardi. He's been reincarnated, And two weeks later
4:13
Speaker 1: he's sitting and scarfing down not deep dish pizza, not
4:18
Speaker 1: Deep Dish pizza, humble pie. He's enjoying some authentic Chicago
4:22
Speaker 1: humble pie. And we give Ben Johnson credit like he's honest.
4:26
Speaker 1: I love it. He's not sugarcoating it. He's not standing
4:30
Speaker 1: up at the dais and standing up there with a
4:33
Speaker 1: bunch of corporate jargon and all this stuff. He flat
4:36
Speaker 1: out said that his football team didn't play hard enough.
4:40
Speaker 1: That is a felony in that business. That is a felony.
4:46
Speaker 1: All right, now, that's good stuff. That is good stuff. However,
4:50
Speaker 1: as I learned from my doctor Doogie Howser, MD back
4:53
Speaker 1: in the day, just because you can diagnose the disease
4:56
Speaker 1: does not mean you've got the cure. And the Bears
4:59
Speaker 1: ca Williams. I'm assuming they all had a big team
5:02
Speaker 1: dinner somewhere in Chicago and they went to a nice
5:04
Speaker 1: Chinese restaurant and Caleb Williams opened up a fortune cookie
5:08
Speaker 1: and the fortune read and he read it aloud to
5:10
Speaker 1: the entire team, and just go with me on this
5:13
Speaker 1: cartoon bubble. So he read this to the entire team,
5:17
Speaker 1: the fortune from the fortune cookie, and it read that
5:20
Speaker 1: hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
5:24
Speaker 1: And the players really took that to heart. I said,
5:27
Speaker 1: why wait for the future. We want our payout right now.
5:30
Speaker 1: So let's just be lazy and we'll pay it off
5:33
Speaker 1: right now. And that's what Caleb Williams and the Bears
5:36
Speaker 1: have been doing. Load management, Baby, they think during the
5:40
Speaker 1: NBA half speed practices, according to their head coach, and
5:43
Speaker 1: then you wonder why they go out there and get
5:45
Speaker 1: poll axed by the Lions in Detroit. So the Bears
5:49
Speaker 1: kind of like that vintage old school infomercial from the
5:53
Speaker 1: late Suzanne Summers. The thigh Master just kind of a decoration.
5:57
Speaker 1: People bought that as a gag and ended up as
5:59
Speaker 1: a decoration and it looks kind of cool. It's a
6:01
Speaker 1: talking point thing, but nobody ever used it and all that.
6:04
Speaker 1: But Ben Johnson thought this was going to be I'm
6:08
Speaker 1: convinced this guy was so arrogant when he took over.
6:11
Speaker 1: From what I've heard that he went in there thinking, oh, man,
6:14
Speaker 1: I got this, I got this, no problem. He could
6:18
Speaker 1: have had the Raider job, he could have had three
6:19
Speaker 1: or four other jobs. He picked the Bears because of
6:22
Speaker 1: Caleb Williams. So far, the only thing Caleb Williams has
6:25
Speaker 1: been good at in the NFL is painting his nails.
6:27
Speaker 1: That's not a compliment. That's not a compliment. But Ben
6:31
Speaker 1: Johnson's like, oh, this guy's the most talented player. Blah
6:33
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah. No, no, no, So he thought
6:34
Speaker 1: he would waltz into Chicago, install some shiny new offense
6:38
Speaker 1: and the players would just line up there and dominate.
6:42
Speaker 1: Domination situation. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Yeah. The so far,
6:47
Speaker 1: so far, the NFL has enjoyed playing the Chicago But
6:52
Speaker 1: the Minnesota Vikings, who didn't even have a quarterback in
6:54
Speaker 1: the game JJ McCarthy, sucks and they ended up doing
6:58
Speaker 1: very well in the fourth quarter of that game. So
7:00
Speaker 1: it's not about all the x'es and o's, there's all
7:02
Speaker 1: this stuff involved. It's still about effort, which is kind
7:04
Speaker 1: of cool. The ability to actually work your ass off
7:07
Speaker 1: is one of the most underrated skills in all of sport,
7:10
Speaker 1: and unfortunately, there are very few player players. There's very
7:14
Speaker 1: few teams that consistently are willing to put the work
7:17
Speaker 1: in and Johnson Ben Johnson acting like like you know,
7:22
Speaker 1: he calls out one or two plays and then magically
7:26
Speaker 1: everything's going to change. That's it. Spine our alert, spoiler alert.
7:30
Speaker 1: Telling the world. Telling the world that your players are
7:33
Speaker 1: soft does not all of a sudden make them tough.
7:36
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to change players and get rid of
7:38
Speaker 1: players and all that stuff. All it does, though, is
7:40
Speaker 1: shine a very bright spotlight for everyone to see how
7:45
Speaker 1: far away the Chicago football team is from the end
7:48
Speaker 1: of the rainbow. It's like standing over a flat tire saying,
7:52
Speaker 1: this tire is flat, all right, thank you, thank you,
7:56
Speaker 1: thank you. But unless you grab the jack and change
7:59
Speaker 1: it or make the phone call for a tow truck,
8:03
Speaker 1: you're stranded on the side of the road. That's it.
8:05
Speaker 1: And that's where the Bears are right now. They're stranded
8:07
Speaker 1: on the side of the road. They do have the Cowboys.
8:10
Speaker 1: That's a winnable game. That is a winnable game. It's
8:13
Speaker 1: at home. The Dallas Cowboys are not a great team.
8:16
Speaker 1: So we'll see what happens this weekend. Now. Secondly to
8:19
Speaker 1: Canzah City, where the Ben Mallard chicken fingers are piping
8:24
Speaker 1: hot and the Kansas City Chiefs are piping bad. So
8:29
Speaker 1: Patrick Mahomie. Patrick Mahomes has given a State of the
8:33
Speaker 1: Chiefs address and he said, in my eyes is a quote.
8:39
Speaker 1: In my eyes, it looks like what an opportunity to
8:42
Speaker 1: prove He's to talking about the O and two start.
8:44
Speaker 1: What an opportunity to prove that we are the Kansas
8:47
Speaker 1: City Chiefs, Mahomes said, coming back from oh to two
8:49
Speaker 1: and trying to build up to win a big football
8:51
Speaker 1: game on Sunday night and try to get our season.
8:55
Speaker 1: Mahomes said, going in the right direction from there. Close
8:59
Speaker 1: quote Okay, Oh, question for you, how does Patrick Mahomes
9:04
Speaker 1: selling the quote opportunity the Chiefs have from being winless
9:11
Speaker 1: sound to you? So it sounds like Mahomes is trying
9:15
Speaker 1: to get another commercial. He's not on enough commercials. Sounds
9:19
Speaker 1: like the sarcastic spokesperson from back in the day for
9:23
Speaker 1: hotels dot com, Captain obvious, thank you very much. What
9:26
Speaker 1: the hell else is Patrick Mahomes going to say? Now,
9:30
Speaker 1: it would have been a better story if Mahomes had
9:32
Speaker 1: come out and said, yeah, guys, we stink and I
9:34
Speaker 1: don't even know why we show up. We can't catch passes,
9:37
Speaker 1: we can't get any yards after catch. We should just
9:40
Speaker 1: cancel the season and we should just get ready for
9:42
Speaker 1: next year. That's it, just get ready for next year.
9:44
Speaker 1: It's all over. And here's the thing. Every single game
9:48
Speaker 1: is an opportunity. Everything you do in life is an opportunity.
9:51
Speaker 1: Every decision you make is an opportunity. Whether you're zero
9:55
Speaker 1: and to one in one, two and oh, it doesn't matter.
9:59
Speaker 1: It's all op To me. It's like the Duncan commercial.
10:02
Speaker 1: America runs on coffee. Well, yeah, this is the football
10:05
Speaker 1: runs on opportunity. Life runs on opportunity. Right now, the
10:08
Speaker 1: Chiefs offense is flat. They're out of whack. They're seventeenth
10:11
Speaker 1: in total offense, they're twenty fourth in scoring offense. That's
10:14
Speaker 1: not good. I know. I didn't play in the NFL,
10:16
Speaker 1: so I don't know, Ryan Clark's gonna allow me to
10:17
Speaker 1: say that. But that's not good. And that's not the Chiefs.
10:20
Speaker 1: That's the Titans in a bad year. Andy Reid his
10:23
Speaker 1: guys have a case of the blas blah blah blah
10:27
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The whole
10:29
Speaker 1: thing just feels stagnant. Now is it gonna feel stagnant
10:34
Speaker 1: this week? The magic elixirs typically the Giants defense. They're
10:38
Speaker 1: not very good right now. The Chiefs, they were a Ferrari.
10:45
Speaker 1: They were a Ferrari and in the moment they're old,
10:50
Speaker 1: like twenty thirteen family mini van with a lot of
10:55
Speaker 1: bubble gum and barf and other crap around the back
10:58
Speaker 1: of it. Is not the defense. The defense has been
11:01
Speaker 1: holding up there into the bargain. It's Mahomes, It's the receivers.
11:04
Speaker 1: It's Andy Reid's not doing a great job of scheming
11:09
Speaker 1: the players up. Mahomes is not making the players better
11:11
Speaker 1: right now, they don't scare anybody. There's no juice. Where's
11:15
Speaker 1: the juice. Well, he died a couple of years ago,
11:17
Speaker 1: but where's the juice. They're like a Seltzer. That's been
11:20
Speaker 1: sitting open for a week. The Chiefs offense, it's flat, boring,
11:24
Speaker 1: no fizz, and Mahomes can mention the word opportunity. It's
11:28
Speaker 1: all about the opportunity all he wants. The reality is
11:32
Speaker 1: that you are judged off what you have done, and
11:35
Speaker 1: they are ordinary capital low, ordinary capital low, and that's
11:39
Speaker 1: the scariest thing of all, like Kansas City looking ordinary.
11:43
Speaker 1: This is not the way this is supposed to go.
11:45
Speaker 1: And we still expect them at some point, once all
11:48
Speaker 1: their deva wide receivers come back from suspension and from
11:51
Speaker 1: injury and whatnot, that they will turn on the after burners.
11:55
Speaker 1: That's an assumption. Assumptions don't always work out. Final thought
11:58
Speaker 1: to menes Sota, Minnesota, nice we go, and that is
12:02
Speaker 1: where Vikings. Backup quarterback Carson Wentz has been drawing rave reviews.
12:10
Speaker 1: Reports out of the Twin Cities say he's preparing for
12:13
Speaker 1: his first meaningful start in nearly three years. It's a
12:18
Speaker 1: long time. So what do you make of this? What
12:21
Speaker 1: do you make of this? Wentz glowing reports, doing a
12:25
Speaker 1: great job. So I read all this and I had
12:27
Speaker 1: a snicker, not a Snicker's bar. I just kind of
12:30
Speaker 1: snickered this hits me like a brunsht. I hop fluffy
12:36
Speaker 1: pancakes syrup all over the place. That's what that sounds
12:40
Speaker 1: like to me. An, I hop pancake meal with syrup
12:45
Speaker 1: and there's people lining up to eat it. Chop chop, chop,
12:48
Speaker 1: chop chop chop eat. Yeah, so Carson Wentz looks good
12:54
Speaker 1: in practice. Carson's throwing darts career revival developing hot dot
13:02
Speaker 1: dot dot. Give me a break right now, this is
13:05
Speaker 1: another only things. I guess I've just become too jaded
13:08
Speaker 1: as a talk show host. I'm I just check my email.
13:10
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm still getting crap from my previous
13:13
Speaker 1: Clayton Kershaw monologue. That's fine, once that hits the dark web,
13:17
Speaker 1: I'll get a lot of crap. But as far as
13:19
Speaker 1: Carson Wentz is concerned here, it's the NFL myth making
13:24
Speaker 1: machine that drives me nuts. It's like they just think
13:27
Speaker 1: the people that watch their product are just dumb, dumb, dumb,
13:32
Speaker 1: dumb dumb dumb. You know what this is though, It's
13:35
Speaker 1: building up the self esteem, kind of like you're supposed
13:39
Speaker 1: to do for a kid at summer camp. You know,
13:41
Speaker 1: good job, little Carson, you did it. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
13:45
Speaker 1: Good job, Carson. Whoopee damn do last I checked, And
13:49
Speaker 1: I might be wrong in this. I don't think. I
13:52
Speaker 1: don't think you practice on television think. I don't think
13:57
Speaker 1: they sell tickets for practice. I don't leave. You are
14:00
Speaker 1: judged on practice by the consumers of your product. And
14:05
Speaker 1: we learned this from the original AI, the old school AI.
14:09
Speaker 1: I always loved those early versions of AI. A lot
14:12
Speaker 1: of people love chat Ept and Grock and all these others.
14:15
Speaker 1: Google's got their thing. My favorite AI, Alan Irison. We
14:20
Speaker 1: talked about practice, not a game, not a game. Practice.
14:25
Speaker 1: Now until I see Carson Wentz, I'm gonna be a
14:27
Speaker 1: schmuck until I see Carson Wentz do something special, something magical,
14:30
Speaker 1: was something that actually matters against a defense that is
14:33
Speaker 1: trying to rip his head off. It's all just just nonsense,
14:38
Speaker 1: hot air. Carson Wentz has bounced around the league like
14:42
Speaker 1: he is on a barnstorming memorabilia tour. Philadelphia, Indy, Washington,
14:51
Speaker 1: the Rams, the Colts, and now the Minnesota Vikens. Wentz
14:56
Speaker 1: will be the first player in the history of the
14:58
Speaker 1: NFL to start for six teams in six consecutive seasons,
15:03
Speaker 1: and most of that most of that time as a
15:08
Speaker 1: mop mop up duty. First meaningful start in three years,
15:11
Speaker 1: he'd start like that Week seventeen game when everything's wrapped
15:15
Speaker 1: up and you're babying, coddling your star players. So what's next,
15:19
Speaker 1: Carson Wentz. His goal should be to change teams every year.
15:23
Speaker 1: He signs a one day contract to every single team
15:27
Speaker 1: this offseason. He can then collect a nice jersey and
15:30
Speaker 1: a helmet from every team, like a middle aged dad
15:34
Speaker 1: doing a ballpark tour, which if you've been able to
15:37
Speaker 1: do that, good for you. But the guy's basically a
15:39
Speaker 1: dependable practice arm. He shows up on time, he does
15:43
Speaker 1: what he's told. He's like the human version of a
15:46
Speaker 1: jugs machine at practice, and so you keep him around,
15:49
Speaker 1: and sure coaches love him in shorts and a T shirt.
15:52
Speaker 1: And when there's actually live action, when they are throwing
15:58
Speaker 1: hand grenades, lobbing hand grades, all top cocktails, that is
16:01
Speaker 1: when Carson Wentz gets into the fetal position and starts
16:05
Speaker 1: sucking his thumb. That's been the way it has been,
16:08
Speaker 1: so why would it change now. Don't expect it to change.
16:13
Speaker 1: It is the Ben Mahlor Show. We haven't changed much either.
16:16
Speaker 1: If you'd like to be part, you can join us
16:17
Speaker 1: right now at eight seven seven ninety nine on Fox
16:21
Speaker 1: Unbelievable eight seven seven nine nine six six three sixty nine.
16:26
Speaker 1: Also on ex at Ben Mahler. That's at Ben Mahler
16:30
Speaker 1: if you'd like to be part of the live radio show.
16:34
Speaker 1: As we worked our way through the early morning hours,
16:37
Speaker 1: and we'll have later this hour Big Ben's lame Jokes
16:40
Speaker 1: of the week and time now though for the mallor
16:43
Speaker 1: Riddle of the day. And here's the mallor Riddle of
16:47
Speaker 1: the day. Former NFL quarterback Eli Manning great average NFL player,
16:53
Speaker 1: but Eli Manning told Giants rookie quarterback Jackson Dart to
16:58
Speaker 1: call him if he ever needed any He said, hey, Jackson,
17:01
Speaker 1: give me a call. So Dart reached out to him
17:06
Speaker 1: and he said, hey, Eli, I would like to get
17:10
Speaker 1: blank again. Former NFL quarterback Eli Manning told Giants rookie
17:16
Speaker 1: quarterback Jackson Dart, listen, call me up if you need anything.
17:20
Speaker 1: Just give me a bus. Here's my number. And Jackson Dart,
17:23
Speaker 1: the rookie quarterback, he said, I said, okay, I'll do that, Eli,
17:26
Speaker 1: and he reached out to him and he wanted blank.
17:29
Speaker 1: That is the Malor riddal of the day. The answer,
17:33
Speaker 1: We'll get to it, and we will do it next.
17:39
Speaker 3: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
17:41
Speaker 3: Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
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17:48
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18:18
Speaker 1: Bill Miller and you. It is the Ben Malor Show
18:20
Speaker 1: up all night, every single night. It's the payoff on
18:25
Speaker 1: the Mallard Riddle of the Day coming up momentarily later
18:28
Speaker 1: this hour Big Ben's lame Jokes of the week, which
18:33
Speaker 1: you either love or is a nightmare. In the meantime,
18:37
Speaker 1: don't forget to support the Mallard Show brand. There's many
18:42
Speaker 1: ways you can do that. The weekend is almost here,
18:44
Speaker 1: but the talk does not stop. The Fifth Hour podcast
18:48
Speaker 1: fresh episodes coming up today and a new episode will
18:52
Speaker 1: drop on Saturday, and then another one on Sunday. The
18:55
Speaker 1: mail Bag on Sunday. So very excited about that. So
18:58
Speaker 1: if you want to be part of the weekend conversation
19:01
Speaker 1: for the real p ones that even listen to that,
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Speaker 1: the email add is Real fifth Hour at gmail dot
19:13
Speaker 1: com if you want to send a letter into the
19:14
Speaker 1: mail bag. And also don't forget Benny Versus the Penny. Yeah,
19:18
Speaker 1: we love that show. It's been on for years and
19:20
Speaker 1: now on YouTube we've gone global with Tom Looney. You
19:24
Speaker 1: can get all of the picks in the big games
19:28
Speaker 1: this weekend against the spread and some handicapping on Benny
19:32
Speaker 1: Versus the Penny and right now, back to it, right
19:36
Speaker 1: back to it. We'll pay off the malor riddle of
19:40
Speaker 1: the day here. It is the mallor riddle of the day.
19:44
Speaker 1: This is where we try to get you to test
19:47
Speaker 1: the boundaries. Former NFL quarterback, the very mediocre Eli Manning
19:52
Speaker 1: told the Giants rookie quarterback Jackson Dart to call him
19:57
Speaker 1: if he ever needed anything. So Dart reached out to
20:00
Speaker 1: him for blank. All right, that is the riddle. What
20:05
Speaker 1: is the answer? And I know our friend the moving
20:08
Speaker 1: man is like, oh, Ben, I know the answer. On Eli,
20:12
Speaker 1: Manning's not average. I don't know what you're talking about. No, no, no, no, no,
20:15
Speaker 1: all right, Terry in England says the answer is Jackson.
20:21
Speaker 1: Dart asked Eli for the for the phone number of
20:26
Speaker 1: the p D guy that Peyton used. He says, I
20:30
Speaker 1: called for Peyton's number to get the p D clinics number.
20:34
Speaker 1: Who else do we have to see? Page down? A
20:36
Speaker 1: banana cream pie from Luke the vending guys see page down.
20:41
Speaker 1: Jackson was looking for some discounted sports memorabilia another Manning scandal.
20:48
Speaker 1: Let's see here. Mister irrigation said he called to get
20:52
Speaker 1: Peyton's number. He wanted advice on reading the blitz, says
20:57
Speaker 1: mister irrigation. Who else do we have? Page down? Let's
21:00
Speaker 1: see can't read that? He said, I would like to
21:03
Speaker 1: get Peyton Manning's number, someone who's actually good at football?
21:08
Speaker 1: He said. Alf also made a memorabilia joke. Page dan,
21:13
Speaker 1: Who else do we have needed interception face coaching from
21:17
Speaker 1: late night drug tester Robin Minnesota says, Jackson Dart asked
21:22
Speaker 1: Eli Manning if you could borrow a can of whoopass
21:26
Speaker 1: courtesy Flusher says, a brand new blender. He wanted a
21:29
Speaker 1: brand new blender. Trucker, Joe, you gotta have a phe guy,
21:34
Speaker 1: he says, would like to get a jersey from Mike's subs.
21:39
Speaker 1: There you go, There you go a jersey. Mike's by
21:42
Speaker 1: screwed that up? Who else inca Tera is going with
21:45
Speaker 1: an Archie Manning bobblehead as his answer. Dante says that
21:50
Speaker 1: Jackson Dart wanted Eli to be his dog walker. Ozzie
21:54
Speaker 1: Waz is listening live on his satellite hookup in western Austria,
21:58
Speaker 1: surrounded by kangaroos, and that's at it, says, a kangaroo
22:02
Speaker 1: steak burger. Ozzie was, what does kangaroo taste like? I've
22:06
Speaker 1: never had kangaroo? Is it? They're very strong kangaroos. It's
22:10
Speaker 1: a very bizarre animal coy pond from Donkey Sausage. Benito,
22:15
Speaker 1: the long suffering, long suffering cowboy fan says weed slug
22:20
Speaker 1: the hostess with the Moses who's hosted us in Vegas
22:23
Speaker 1: the last couple of years of the Big Mallard Meet
22:24
Speaker 1: and greet, says Jackson Dart needs Eli's help getting his
22:27
Speaker 1: swerve on. It's all about to swerve his backwashed from
22:31
Speaker 1: Johnny q JT. The wingman from Knoxville, says New Giants
22:36
Speaker 1: tattoo lefty and he got it right left. He got
22:41
Speaker 1: it right, so did Eke and Roseville, Minnesota. Bad job
22:43
Speaker 1: by him. Tillo in Florida says Jackson Dart wanted Eli
22:46
Speaker 1: to hook him up with some secacis Goba gool the
22:51
Speaker 1: Goaba goool foot and back massage from Doug Monkey Biz
22:56
Speaker 1: Doug in South Korea Matt jack going with Russell Palooza tickets.
23:03
Speaker 1: He wanted that all right, John got it right as well.
23:05
Speaker 1: Do you have an answer? It's not a cow bell,
23:09
Speaker 1: which is what Mike the lepperkown. Guess, Lorraina, Do you
23:11
Speaker 1: have an answer to the riddle of the day. Yes,
23:14
Speaker 1: I was thinking that he wanted help setting up his
23:17
Speaker 1: bidet beday, fine answers, it ain't bidet No. It turns
23:22
Speaker 1: out Eli Manning said that he had given Jackson Dart
23:25
Speaker 1: his numbers, said hey, call me up. You need anything,
23:27
Speaker 1: I'm here for you. And Jackson Dart reached out to
23:29
Speaker 1: him for a dinner reservation at a high end Prime
23:33
Speaker 1: Rib restaurant in New York City. So there you go,
23:39
Speaker 1: Charles Prime Rib. I think they would have had more
23:42
Speaker 1: fun setting up a bidet. Yeah, bedeys would certainly be
23:46
Speaker 1: and you'd be cleaner and you just feel better. You're
23:48
Speaker 1: you're a fan of the bdet Now you've gone pro baday.
23:51
Speaker 6: Now no, no, no, but you know, I'm sure someone
23:53
Speaker 6: might need help setting that up.
23:54
Speaker 1: You know, I'm surprised you're not pro badet. I thought
23:57
Speaker 1: you'd be on team. No. No, no, no, he's just
24:00
Speaker 1: not used to it. No, you see, you're you're using
24:04
Speaker 1: the wrong beday because there's different ones that have different
24:07
Speaker 1: settings on the bidet and so all that. Let's go
24:09
Speaker 1: to the folks. Let's say hello to Mike in Tucson.
24:13
Speaker 1: What's going on, Mike and Tucson. Welcome, hey man.
24:17
Speaker 7: How are you doing?
24:18
Speaker 8: Man?
24:19
Speaker 1: Mike? If I was any better, I would be a dolphin,
24:22
Speaker 1: but not on Miami Dolphin. I'd be a dolphin in
24:24
Speaker 1: the Pacific Ocean, not a Miami Dolphin, because the Miami
24:27
Speaker 1: dolphins suck. How are you doing, Mike? How can we
24:28
Speaker 1: help you? Buddy?
24:30
Speaker 3: God?
24:30
Speaker 7: So Ben I had, I really had to see this.
24:34
Speaker 6: Questions for you and my daughter will come up? I called.
24:37
Speaker 6: I called on Monday night.
24:39
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, my daughter woke up.
24:41
Speaker 7: I tuned her out.
24:42
Speaker 1: If no, no, you know you don't need to cheer
24:44
Speaker 1: your daughter out.
24:46
Speaker 7: So she waited in a hold with me for a
24:49
Speaker 7: long time.
24:49
Speaker 1: So oh no, oh no, I now I feel terrible.
24:52
Speaker 1: Now I feel so bad. I feel like I've done
24:54
Speaker 1: something terrible here. And how old your daughter?
24:57
Speaker 6: She's twelve years old?
24:59
Speaker 1: Oh, twelve years old. So she's she's at that point
25:02
Speaker 1: where she's about to hate you? Is that right?
25:04
Speaker 6: Yes? Yeah, I said, weard shirt. She refused to with.
25:12
Speaker 1: So what is your reasoning for not? Is he not wearing?
25:15
Speaker 1: You said a Laker shirt you don't.
25:16
Speaker 3: Want to wear.
25:17
Speaker 7: I don't believe she would tell you herself. Watch wear
25:21
Speaker 7: the shirt? She said that, who do you talk to
25:26
Speaker 7: you overnight.
25:27
Speaker 6: On the radio?
25:28
Speaker 1: Back she waits, I know, she fell, she fell asleep.
25:33
Speaker 7: Why you wear the shirt?
25:36
Speaker 8: I just like not really feeling like wearing it?
25:41
Speaker 1: Okay, you said Raiders shirt?
25:49
Speaker 8: Yeah?
25:50
Speaker 6: Well yeah, you obviously don't want to wear that because
25:52
Speaker 6: you don't want to dress like a loser.
25:54
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no no, what are you
25:57
Speaker 1: not a fan of the Raiders?
25:59
Speaker 8: And I justly right chests for football that much anyway,
26:05
Speaker 8: But yeah, I don't.
26:07
Speaker 1: Like it either.
26:09
Speaker 6: Why do you invest so much? So she said, And
26:14
Speaker 6: I was hurt.
26:15
Speaker 7: It's free school, I said, wear your Raider shirt. It's
26:19
Speaker 7: sports stay No can I ask?
26:24
Speaker 1: Can I ask your your daughter? Is there another sports
26:26
Speaker 1: shirt that you would wear other than the Raiders? Is
26:28
Speaker 1: there another team shirt that you would wear?
26:32
Speaker 8: Tell them, oh, my Dodgers shirts.
26:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go. That's all right. Hey, listen, you
26:38
Speaker 1: know what, you're a good daughter. That is a good
26:41
Speaker 1: daughter right there. She's willing to wear the Dodger shirt.
26:44
Speaker 1: Good job. See, we solved the dilemma.
26:47
Speaker 6: She loves the Dodgers, her mom and the Dodgers. That
26:50
Speaker 6: we're in Arizona. How are you.
26:54
Speaker 1: Let me tell you? Let me tell you something, all right?
26:56
Speaker 1: The Dodgers spring training headquarters is in Arizona. My not no,
27:00
Speaker 1: obviously not near you, in two some, but up in Glendale, Arizona.
27:03
Speaker 1: They have a major complex there. So every year the
27:07
Speaker 1: Dodgers do play in Arizona for two months. They're in
27:09
Speaker 1: Arizona every year, so technically the Dodgers are in Arizona.
27:13
Speaker 1: Team it is.
27:15
Speaker 7: And all all my wife's family, all daughter fans, all
27:19
Speaker 7: Dodgers upon what.
27:22
Speaker 6: I'm the dash When the d Backs won.
27:26
Speaker 7: The World Series, the Basketball Series ever, Game seven, who
27:30
Speaker 7: hit who hit the bull? And David ball to goal?
27:35
Speaker 6: Yeah, so my daughter loved the Dodgers.
27:38
Speaker 7: That's her, guy, said my wife. My father in law said,
27:42
Speaker 7: if Dodgers are nothing broth, they're all hard for baseball people,
27:46
Speaker 7: not football.
27:47
Speaker 1: But I got you, Well that's probably why. Then she's
27:50
Speaker 1: around baseball people, so she wants to wear a baseball shirt.
27:53
Speaker 1: That makes sense, and so you gotta yeah, it's just
27:56
Speaker 1: kind of obvious, but maybe sure we shall grow into
27:59
Speaker 1: the Raider thing, you know, it's a little older, you know,
28:01
Speaker 1: the whole edge thing and want that kind of edge
28:03
Speaker 1: to you being a Raider fan. So that could be it.
28:05
Speaker 1: So all right, hey, Mike, thank you, and now go
28:07
Speaker 1: to bed. Did know what it was your daughter doing awake?
28:10
Speaker 1: She had school? Right? Didn't she have school today?
28:13
Speaker 6: No tubles?
28:15
Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, all right, go to bed, you get some sleep.
28:17
Speaker 1: It's your sleep, good night. Thank you though for very
28:20
Speaker 1: you have been very cute voice, but thank you. All right.
28:24
Speaker 1: That reminds me of that little girl Maggie that called
28:26
Speaker 1: the show with her dad years ago, and she's all
28:29
Speaker 1: growing up now. She's like, I think she got kids crazy,
28:33
Speaker 1: this little girl would it was doing the weekend overnight show.
28:36
Speaker 1: Lebron left Cleveland to go to Miami and we still
28:38
Speaker 1: have the drop in the system. Yeah, that little girl,
28:42
Speaker 1: like cute little girl. She's all grown up now, and
28:45
Speaker 1: like that's of course, that was a long time ago.
28:46
Speaker 1: It was a twenty eleven, so that's fourteen years ago. Man,
28:51
Speaker 1: all right, let's go back to the calls. Let's say
28:52
Speaker 1: hello to Manuel in Guardina. Hello, Manuel in Guardina. Man, well, Inda,
29:00
Speaker 1: going once, going twice, going three times, going four times?
29:03
Speaker 1: Do I hear a Manuel in Guardina? I have my
29:07
Speaker 1: buttons up, all right? Then there he is, I hear him.
29:12
Speaker 1: Now the man has spoken. The man has spoken.
29:17
Speaker 6: I don't know what happened, but look for Mike and
29:19
Speaker 6: Tucson or whatever he screwed up. At the beginning, my
29:23
Speaker 6: daughter Analisa was in onesies of Raiders, was in sheer
29:28
Speaker 6: Leader outfits of Raiders when she was a toddler that
29:32
Speaker 6: is embedded by the twelve year old mark. She should
29:36
Speaker 6: have no clue of I just it's Raiders. There's nothing
29:40
Speaker 6: else going Raiders now, Analyisa Roles. And it's funny because
29:45
Speaker 6: Analysa actually works for the Diamondbacks right now. And she
29:49
Speaker 6: gave me a Cotel Martea bobblehead as a joke, you know,
29:53
Speaker 6: but because she knows we bleed Dodger blue. She even
29:56
Speaker 6: bleeds Dodger blue, even though she's getting that diamond Back money.
30:00
Speaker 6: But ain't Benny Beck to the Dodger blues Man. You
30:03
Speaker 6: didn't have to go Benny the basher on Kershaw bro
30:06
Speaker 6: I mean, well, listen, memo, memo, memo, What what did
30:10
Speaker 6: I What did I saying?
30:11
Speaker 1: It's incorrect? Though? What did I say? I don't work
30:13
Speaker 1: for the Dodgers? What did I say that was incorrect?
30:15
Speaker 6: Now? Right now, it's not about being Craig Hey.
30:18
Speaker 1: He's not he didn't die, he's not dead. It's well,
30:22
Speaker 1: he's alive.
30:23
Speaker 6: He's after the National Series. He gets an absolved from
30:29
Speaker 6: the Astros obviously because we know that that was funny business.
30:34
Speaker 6: But he came through in twenty twenty he had a
30:36
Speaker 6: good regular season last year and he's had a hell
30:40
Speaker 6: of a banner year this year. Let him go out
30:43
Speaker 6: on a high note without you bashing him. Damn it.
30:47
Speaker 1: I disagree. I mean, I just called it. But why
30:50
Speaker 1: should we pretend like all that stuff didn't happen. He's
30:53
Speaker 1: not dead, he's.
30:57
Speaker 6: Benny. Like, when you go off the air, we're going
30:59
Speaker 6: to we're not going to talk about the bad show.
31:04
Speaker 6: We're going to talk about it.
31:06
Speaker 1: Yeah see, but see the difference is when Ben's off
31:09
Speaker 1: the air, he'll be dead, probably if I will die
31:14
Speaker 1: on the air. Yeah, okay, listen, man, Well, Kershaw was
31:20
Speaker 1: a great regular season player. I just nearly felt like
31:22
Speaker 1: we had to point out the other part. And if
31:24
Speaker 1: the LA media was legit, Kershaw would have been run
31:27
Speaker 1: out of LA fifteen years ago he would have been gone.
31:30
Speaker 1: Or not fifteen, maybe ten years ago he would have
31:32
Speaker 1: been out of LA. So there was a bunch of
31:34
Speaker 1: cheerleaders and I'm sure it's gonna be just a slobber
31:37
Speaker 1: fest all day on Fridays. So there you go. It
31:40
Speaker 1: is the Ben Madler Show. We're gonna have Big Ben's
31:43
Speaker 1: lame jokes of the week, Big Ben's lame jokes of
31:46
Speaker 1: the week coming up here in a couple of minutes,
31:51
Speaker 1: and there you go. Let's see if weed Man calls
31:54
Speaker 1: in to be my Is he there, by the way,
31:55
Speaker 1: do we know if he's online? No, we're efforting to
31:58
Speaker 1: get the weed Man anyway, lame jokes of the week.
32:01
Speaker 1: We'll get to that and we will do it next.
32:05
Speaker 3: Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
32:07
Speaker 3: Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific, Bill Miller.
32:11
Speaker 1: And you the lame jokes of the week moments away,
32:14
Speaker 1: all the best singers, all the best one liners of
32:17
Speaker 1: the Mallard Militia. A reminder that you can hear this
32:22
Speaker 1: show wherever, whenever, however you want, thanks to the iHeartRadio app,
32:29
Speaker 1: which is just a monster of audio content. My god
32:34
Speaker 1: is this thing. I'm always on that iHeart app. I
32:35
Speaker 1: am I love audio content. There's a lot of stuff
32:37
Speaker 1: on there. You can stream the Ben Mallor Show wherever
32:40
Speaker 1: you happen to be. Catch us and all the other blowhards,
32:42
Speaker 1: gas bags, no what alls on the Fox Sports Radio
32:45
Speaker 1: Channel live twenty four to seven. New and improved iHeartRadio app.
32:49
Speaker 1: Just search Fox Sports Radio in the app. You can
32:51
Speaker 1: stream us live all day and all night, every day
32:54
Speaker 1: and every night where we are and be sure to
32:57
Speaker 1: select Fox Sports Radio, Ben Mahler Show and Weekend Fifth
33:00
Speaker 1: Hour Podcast. A new episode shopping later today, which will
33:04
Speaker 1: be a big I think it'll be a big hit.
33:06
Speaker 1: But it's up to Alf and Ferg Dog to let
33:08
Speaker 1: me know they're the p ones whether they really like
33:10
Speaker 1: it or not. But that'll be coming up later today.
33:11
Speaker 1: Fifth Hour Podcast. All that on the iHeart app. It
33:13
Speaker 1: will always pop up at the top of your screen.
33:19
Speaker 3: Knock knock, who's there?
33:20
Speaker 1: Blame week?
33:21
Speaker 3: Blame Week.
33:22
Speaker 1: It's Big Men's lame joke of the week. Here we go,
33:26
Speaker 1: Big Men's Lame Jokes the week, Actual jokes by actual listeners.
33:29
Speaker 1: Do we have weed?
33:29
Speaker 8: Man?
33:30
Speaker 1: Is he there? All right?
33:34
Speaker 7: All right?
33:35
Speaker 1: I noticed you. You're not calling. You're not calling anymore
33:37
Speaker 1: other than this. You're very busy man. What do you
33:41
Speaker 1: What do you do all week? Who much?
33:43
Speaker 6: And I knows?
33:44
Speaker 1: On huge day?
33:45
Speaker 7: Right?
33:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, something like that. All right, Well, here we
33:50
Speaker 1: go a week the great everything. Go with your weed man?
33:52
Speaker 1: You're okay though? Yes, all right? Why do blind scott
33:57
Speaker 1: or check that? What do blinds got and Cashew's have
34:01
Speaker 1: in common? What they're both nuts? All right? What did
34:10
Speaker 1: blind Scott say whenever he read a scary story in braille?
34:15
Speaker 1: What something bad is gonna happen? I can feel it? Said? Noah,
34:23
Speaker 1: See weed man, when you read braille, you got to
34:25
Speaker 1: use your fingers. That's that's Noah in Austin. Who sent
34:29
Speaker 1: that one in? Where did blind Scott go to college?
34:32
Speaker 6: Where?
34:33
Speaker 1: PSU? Psychotic State University? That's Eke in Roseville, Minnesota. All right.
34:41
Speaker 1: What has been the biggest highlight of Stefan Diggs this season? What? Well,
34:48
Speaker 1: apparently he scored on a dink and dunk play with
34:51
Speaker 1: Cardi B. How about that? That's Chip in Maine. Did
34:55
Speaker 1: you did you see his reaction when he was asked
34:58
Speaker 1: about Cardi B being pregnant. It did not seem like
35:01
Speaker 1: he was excited about that. That was very interesting. We
35:03
Speaker 1: kept it to himself. Huh, yeah, that might have been okay?
35:12
Speaker 1: All right? Why did weed man hit me get a
35:14
Speaker 1: gym membership? No know? Why Why did weed man hit
35:19
Speaker 1: me get a gym membership? Because they have a nice
35:22
Speaker 1: bathroom where he plans to get ripped? Ripped? That's true?
35:28
Speaker 1: In Minnesota? Did you hear that Benny versus the Penny
35:32
Speaker 1: has led to a YouTube spin off show, No What Yes,
35:37
Speaker 1: make sure to like and subscribe to weed Man Versus
35:40
Speaker 1: the nickel Bag. That's Joe from Virginia Beach? Who sent
35:44
Speaker 1: that one? In the next joke here, why does David
35:49
Speaker 1: Vasse want to meet weed Man hippie? Why? Because he
35:54
Speaker 1: heard that weed Man smells like Tuckis? That's Lucky Tony.
36:00
Speaker 1: Have you noticed Lucky Tony not calling as much since
36:05
Speaker 1: the Chicago Bears started owing too? Have you noticed that?
36:07
Speaker 1: I've noticed that? Yeah, all right. Why was Jordan Hudson
36:11
Speaker 1: kicked off Dancing with the Stars? Why she demanded weed
36:17
Speaker 1: Man as her partner, but they both wanted more days off.
36:22
Speaker 1: That's Tom in Indiana. When's when's the last time you
36:27
Speaker 1: worked weed Man? What year? Was it?
36:30
Speaker 6: A long time ago?
36:31
Speaker 1: Was it the eighties? Of the nineties, the nineties? Okay,
36:37
Speaker 1: the nineties. I was going to say, because you you
36:40
Speaker 1: lost everything in the stock market crash in the eighties though,
36:43
Speaker 1: right the late eighties. I know the toy store. I know.
36:49
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, we've man. I just think you that Oh
36:53
Speaker 1: I thought it was I thought I thought it was
36:54
Speaker 1: the one in the eighties. So two thousand and one,
36:56
Speaker 1: you lost everything? Yeah, okay, all right, and just think
37:00
Speaker 1: if you hadn't lost everything, you'd be living in the
37:01
Speaker 1: mansion on Long Island right now. That we never would
37:03
Speaker 1: have known each other. Why did weed Man get in
37:06
Speaker 1: trouble at the bank.
37:08
Speaker 7: Why?
37:09
Speaker 1: Well, an old lady said she wanted his help checking
37:12
Speaker 1: her balance, so he pushed her over. That's Eric in Kansas.
37:17
Speaker 1: That's not nice weed man, all right. Why would weed
37:21
Speaker 1: Man hippie make a great companion for Lorena? Why she
37:26
Speaker 1: snaps her toes and he comes running. That's George and Ubaldi,
37:30
Speaker 1: Texas with that joke. It's Big Ben's lame jokes of
37:34
Speaker 1: the league. What does what does Loraine? What does Lorena
37:38
Speaker 1: like best about Major League Baseball season? What she loves
37:43
Speaker 1: makeup games? That's Eeke in Roseville. What does the Lorena
37:52
Speaker 1: and the Iowa Hawkeye fans have in common? What they
37:56
Speaker 1: both hate? The UMass minute man? A minute man. It's
38:01
Speaker 1: Eric in Kansas there, Yeah, all right, Uh, we have
38:05
Speaker 1: some some dad jokes here from dad joke j I
38:09
Speaker 1: thought these were okay. But what do you call a
38:11
Speaker 1: mobile phone in prison? What a cell phone? Why? Why
38:19
Speaker 1: Why do heavy metal bands refuse to drink coke? Why
38:24
Speaker 1: it's pop. That's why it's pop. That's a. That's a
38:29
Speaker 1: that's dad dad joke. Jay, Do you have any jokes? Coop?
38:32
Speaker 1: Any offensive jokes? Now? Actually I might let me let
38:35
Speaker 1: me see you all right, better do it quick. What
38:37
Speaker 1: is the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
38:42
Speaker 1: What the letter F? The letter F? That's it? He said?
38:47
Speaker 1: Was dumb? Okay?
38:48
Speaker 7: What?
38:48
Speaker 1: What? No joke coops out of the show. What is
38:50
Speaker 1: the fastest way to become a millionaire? What? Be a
38:54
Speaker 1: billionaire and invest in the w NBA. It's right away,
38:57
Speaker 1: it'll go away there alight. How is Tony the Bay
39:01
Speaker 1: Area like a treasurer? Have you need a map to
39:04
Speaker 1: and a shovel to find them? As family? I screwed
39:06
Speaker 1: that as Eric in Kids, Thanks weed Man.