Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Window Shopping by Tessa Bailey - A HR Violation, but make it Christmassy!

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Window Shopping by Tessa Bailey - A HR Violation, but make it Christmassy! · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

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Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Plot with Carla and
0:03
Emily in this very special Christmassy episode.
0:06
We're reading Window Shopping by Tessa Bailey.
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We are talking about the entire book, so warning there will be
0:13
spoilers. I'm Carla and thinking about
0:29
picking out side plates with Stella has sent me into the
0:32
throes of my best orgasm in recent memory.
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I'm Emily. I'm a believer, at least in this
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particular set of taunt brawny buns.
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I was tempted to pick that up. I had two just in case.
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Trigger warnings from triggerwarningdatabase.com Toxic
0:55
friendship discussed. Imprisonment or armed robbery
0:58
recounted and I added myself anal play without without prior
1:05
discussion. Question mark.
1:09
I'm not really sure about that one.
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I was like wait wait. I feel like they didn't talk
1:12
about it before. They mildly did.
1:15
Oh, did they? My bad.
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I don't know how to explain it. We'll get there when we get.
1:18
Honestly when they start talking about protection and stuff I
1:21
always tune out. I'm like cringe.
1:23
No, they I don't think they did. Oh.
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OK bro are we feeling Christmassy?
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No. Oh.
1:31
I think I wanna put this out. Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
1:35
We shall see. Mm Hmm.
1:37
Just a little treat. Can you?
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Believe that this is possibly our third Christmas episode.
1:43
Yeah, we're due for the lose the potties.
1:46
What? That's next.
1:48
We're due for the potties like. How?
1:51
No way it's. Been that fast, pop.
1:54
Is that our next episode? I'm so excited to do the
1:57
potties. Didn't we just do?
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That. Yeah, a year ago.
2:02
Are you serious? Yeah.
2:03
Stop. Holy shit.
2:06
OK. All right.
2:07
I trust. I trust I.
2:09
Trust. I trust.
2:09
Wow. Our year wrap up already.
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So our main female character, her name is Stella.
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You know what? I forgot her name.
2:21
Well, it's Stella, and she sounds like an emo millennial.
2:25
Bangs and all. Yeah, I get it.
2:27
She's got a dark. Past and a skeptical attitude.
2:30
She's just angry. She's like angry gay.
2:32
Which I kind of get her. She's not really that angry.
2:37
True. She's angry for one baby.
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No, but she's very skeptical. And this book was, I think it
2:43
was written in 2022. So there's a.
2:45
Couple references to COVID in there.
2:48
That makes a lot of sense because of the like renegade
2:51
teaching too. Oh.
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No, I was like, oh, I was. Like I thought we were past
2:54
that. That aged badly.
2:56
I. Was like no.
2:59
So she's straight away clearly the grumpy out of our grumpy
3:03
sunshine trope, Yes. And then literally one second
3:06
later, we're introduced to Aiden.
3:08
Who's literally Santa on crack? Right Peppermint spelling bow
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tie wearing 6/4 at least. 64. Hunk of man meat with a southern
3:20
accent. Buns for days.
3:22
Buns for days I are we here for it?
3:24
I. Don't.
3:25
I don't know if I'm here. For all that.
3:26
I. Hear me out, hear me out.
3:29
I was doing fine and then. We got to The Dirty.
3:32
Talk. And I was like, this is
3:36
punishment for something, I don't know what.
3:38
So you prefer the daylight Aiden?
3:41
I think so. Yeah, like the cheesy cornball
3:44
I. Think I can deal with the
3:45
cheesy? Yeah.
3:46
A little bit. He was trying a bit too hard to
3:48
convince us there was a Dark Aiden.
3:50
Every time he did something, he was like, see, I told you I
3:54
wasn't like, shut up giving. Dark Betty sliding down the pole
3:59
in Riverdale. Trying to convince.
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Us trying to convince. Us that she's edgy.
4:06
So there was dark Eden and there was like regular Eden.
4:09
Stop. And it was weird.
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Yeah, it was. So weird also.
4:14
Who? In there, maybe late 20s, early
4:17
30s. Wears a bow tie.
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He's doing it for Christmas only.
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Oh really? I thought that was like his
4:23
signature thing. I was like.
4:25
No, no, he wears, he said. He wears normal ties day-to-day,
4:30
but on Christmas he wears themed ones.
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You. It's you, literally.
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Dress. Up for work all the time.
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EW EW. It's giving my dogs that just
4:40
went to the groomers. Girl, I seen a picture of you
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the other day and you're wearing a whole Grinch suit for work.
4:46
And same thing me just turned off by myself.
4:52
That doesn't surprise me. But honestly like bow tie too
4:55
far too far. Grinchy.
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Outfit totally fine, I'm a woman.
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Let's not forget God. Forbid Hebrew.
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Wears a brinch. Tie Let's not forget I am a
5:07
woman. I'm allowed to express myself.
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OK, God forbid. Come on, let's lock it in here
5:12
people. Let's be for real.
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It's a man this. Man wearing a peppermint bow
5:15
tie. Look out of here.
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US enforcing love that. So he's obviously the sunshine.
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Yes, he's straight away. It's like annoying though.
5:31
When is it ever not annoying? I hate sunshine out of the
5:34
grumpy sunshine. Valid.
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I need. I need a grumpy sunshine, but
5:38
mildly not. Honestly, we haven't done one in
5:41
a minute. Maybe that's why we're confused.
5:43
Yeah. I just feel like his was a bit
5:45
aggressive, like he was so aggressive.
5:50
About it. He's so aggressively nice.
5:53
Yeah. She didn't believe him at her.
5:55
She was like, EW, get away from me.
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Yeah, valid. And then she opened her eyes
5:58
just a bit more and then she realised she just got a little
6:00
child. She's.
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Like damn I'm horny. She's like this sun is shining
6:06
out of those booty cheeks. Honestly, how do you not notice
6:11
someone's attractive though? Easily.
6:13
Me, the most slow burn person in the entire world asking this.
6:17
Exact question, no fair because I hate men.
6:22
Let's start there. Let's start there.
6:24
But I will admit I do love looking at them.
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Yeah, so. You're clocking an attractive
6:30
male. I'm clocking, but I don't want
6:32
to talk to them. OK?
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I'm like, God bless your genetics.
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But also when they speak, I'm like.
6:38
What would happen if this southern drawl comes out?
6:42
As an Australian, I feel like it would be scary.
6:47
So you're. Standing on the corner of some
6:49
huge department store, let's say in the Sydney in Sydney, right?
6:53
Big one no. Let's do like Queen Street,
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Brisbane. That's big.
6:56
Queen St. There's one in Sydney.
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Like a big David Jones. Even even higher end.
7:00
Even higher end, Yeah. I think there's one in Sydney,
7:02
not sure. Yes, one big arse building, 1
7:05
big arse Macy's windows every. Window and then inside, right?
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And This is why she was looking. She was a bit like, what the
7:13
fuck is this? Inside this big bougie
7:16
department store is a nightmarish SeaWorld slavery
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Five Nights at Freddy's bullshit disaster conveyor belt.
7:25
The Penguins are in there getting their heads decapitated.
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She was like, put me back in prison.
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She's like. The children should not be.
7:33
Seen she's like did I miss a lot while I.
7:36
Was there? She's like, what is this?
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And then he just sort of is like, oh, do you like what you
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see in Windows? She's like, absolutely not her.
7:47
She's. Also thinking was this you
7:49
bitch? Yeah, she knows something's up.
7:51
She goes, I'll. He looks like a manager.
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He's giving manager. He's giving manager, giving man.
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Anyway, she gives her almost advice saying this is all about
8:01
consumerism and nobody wants that and he's like valid ohh.
8:06
He goes like he goes ohh. And then he goes.
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My. Auntie great.
8:14
We'll talk about her later. But didn't he give this big
8:17
spiel about his Aunt Edna 1st? Yeah.
8:20
Oh yeah. Yeah.
8:21
We were brought into the. And.
8:24
If that's. OK if that was me right I would
8:28
run 6 foot man smelling like peppermint weird fucking ties
8:37
saying some meth head shit I would be gone.
8:40
Yeah, like who's on it at? Least save me he's on crack.
8:47
And it's almost like he was making like saying these stories
8:49
about a woman in his life to sort of relate and not seem like
8:52
a full creeper. I reckon.
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You care about your auntie? I reckon he's just boring and
8:57
has no friends. That as well.
9:00
What was going on there? He's only got Aunt Edna I.
9:05
Think it's all he has, but anyway he goes I somehow I'm
9:10
aware that they're hiring a window dresser you're the.
9:14
Manager it's. Obvious.
9:15
Anyway, she's like, interesting. He's like.
9:18
I see that in some side somewhere.
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And then so she goes home and thinks about it and then she
9:24
spirals because she goes, I'm not deserving of a paid job and
9:27
I'm going to have to put my criminal history on the
9:30
application. They're never going to pick me.
9:32
But she fills it out anyway. Aiden goes home and.
9:37
He's like awkward pause. Aiden goes home, right?
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And he's just already in love with her, because why not?
9:44
He's obsessed. He's jacking.
9:46
Off or he's like whatever. He's like, I hope, I hope she
9:49
applies. I hope she applies.
9:53
OK, I think we took it too. Far and.
9:56
He's like, oh. I feel like we nailed it though.
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He's like oh oh golly gosh I hope she applies.
10:05
Johnny Whiskers, Johnny G Whiskers, and then he.
10:11
And he goes and he watches a Christmas movie and he jacks off
10:15
and he's imagining her as Cindy La Boo Boo.
10:18
Like he's just like, yes. The Grinch is in there
10:21
somewhere, sipping hot Coco. Wait, Cindy Lou Who's the girl?
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I would tracked my prior statement.
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I was thinking of the the lady that the Grinch.
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Likes the the girl like yes I. Forget her name, but the grown
10:35
up. I can picture her like no
10:36
tomorrow. Our ginger Rd. wearing Queen
10:42
Fluffy Rd. wearing. Queen, the one who was married
10:44
to the man, Yeah. Anyway, so he's imagining her as
10:47
that character jacking off. And then while she's filling out
10:50
the application, obviously. Stress depressed on her borrowed
10:54
laptop and her last Xanax. And yeah, then what is probably
11:00
the next day doing the interviews.
11:02
Yeah, because. This book plays out in four days
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and you can't convince me otherwise.
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Oh. It's literally a it's a wiggle
11:08
less. It's a wiggle less.
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This man is like, how's them applications going?
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She's. Trying to fast track this shit.
11:16
She's like, she seems troubled. Give me the.
11:20
Reject. File.
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Yeah, but he's chatting with the assistant and he's like, damn,
11:26
hope she's applied. I'm going to be able to tell.
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I'm just going. To be able to tell I'm just
11:30
don't smell that notary. I've just.
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Got a whimsical? Name and a.
11:34
Dark past. What was his surname?
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Schmidt or something, the s S I'm.
11:50
Sorry, but he. Lifts up a bitch man, he goes.
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That's the girl. Don't Schmidt.
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That's the one. I just know it this.
12:01
Is. Chaotic.
12:05
Shit, anyway, so he figures out which one's her, whatever the
12:09
fuck. Maybe.
12:10
He's doing the. Interviews.
12:12
He's decided to interview all 31 applications.
12:15
All the rejects, rejects only. And he's OK.
12:18
So he's in the office and he can sense that she's breathed on the
12:23
stairwell. He goes.
12:26
She's in the building. Walk it down, don't let her out.
12:32
We need a full lock up and then he's like, I'm imagining him
12:37
running down the stairs like this, like arms up, he's going
12:41
to Jingle. Bitch, he's.
12:42
Got a little jingling bell in his bow tie today.
12:44
He's. On his shoes.
12:46
He's going down the steps. He's like, stop.
12:49
I can. Smell you in here, bitch.
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Peppermint Just. Flowing down, she's like.
12:55
He's like I can. Smell the.
12:56
Depression. He's just chilling down the
13:01
stairwell and he's thinking why? Isn't this bitch in the elevator
13:04
where I can corner her? But anyway, he's running down
13:06
the stairs. He's like, I'm going to catch
13:08
her. She's got like 1 foot out the
13:09
door. Like practically 1 foot on the
13:11
pavement. 1 foot. It's like fire alarms.
13:13
He's just about to go. He's.
13:17
Like wait. He's stop.
13:21
Where do you think you're? Going yeah, he's like not to be
13:24
forward, but can ioffer you a trial?
13:29
And she's like you. Have you read my application?
13:34
Anyway, she's scared as hell on the thing.
13:37
He's trying not to spook her. Honestly, it's like a wild horse
13:40
at this point. He's like trying to get close,
13:42
but he's. Like then back, back and forth,
13:44
back and forth. She's.
13:45
Like in the door? Like she's like back up or oh,
13:50
go. Yeah, she's about the door's,
13:52
about the emergency exits, like on the verge of being pressed,
13:57
and then he convinces her to take this trial, but he's
14:01
claiming that there's no favouritism while the
14:03
electricity is zapping between. Them.
14:05
Yes, right, and he's trying not to confess his full blown love
14:10
for her just in the stairwell. God forbid a girl just exists.
14:15
She does have some good ideas though, I'll give her that.
14:17
I'll give her that. Good.
14:19
Good. And he admits to her that he is
14:22
in fact the general manager, and his family casually owns the
14:27
entire. Department store.
14:28
Well I feel like she also was like, I can smell the manager on
14:30
you. She can smell the money, She.
14:32
Knew it. The cufflinks.
14:34
So he's confirming that he's just Roach as.
14:36
Fuck yeah. Which she could already tell
14:40
that. Yeah, hello.
14:41
Hello the him smelling of no Bo which is nice.
14:45
So obviously she sort of goes, oh, all right, I'll just take
14:48
it. It's paid work.
14:49
I literally don't have a job. He's saying he doesn't care
14:51
about the criminal record whatever, rushes in day one,
14:54
which is the next day she rushes in in all her emoness and even
14:58
though people are a bit at first, they're pretty nice to
15:02
her. The coworkers they're.
15:03
Nice, but also at the same time, she's like, everyone's looking
15:06
at me like I'm a criminal, 'cause you are, bitch, you are.
15:09
Oh. She accepted.
15:13
But her ideas for the Windows, all the Co workers are like, oh,
15:17
because conveniently, she's going so overboard that their
15:20
KPIs are gonna get better. Yes, because she's gonna
15:23
actually pull people into their departments.
15:26
And I would do the same damn thing.
15:27
I'd be like, yeah, Stella, go, go.
15:29
I'd be like, yeah. Thank you for my Christmas.
15:36
This Christmas gonna be lit. She's like, I'm making money.
15:39
Yeah, I'd be like, yeah. Cool, I just won't be friends
15:42
with you in real life. Yeah.
15:44
I mean, Jordan is. So she's obviously smashing it
15:48
because emo girls are artistic. Hello, artistic as fuck.
15:52
Artistic as fuck. There's a problem.
15:55
It's the obvious physical attraction they have to each
15:58
other. Yes, it's yes.
16:02
So much so, she's looked up exactly in the employee handbook
16:05
that they cannot get together. It's the only thing she looked,
16:08
did she? Skim the whole book.
16:09
How did you know she? Probably went to the contents
16:11
and went fraternisation. And then just went.
16:15
She's like, this is the only thing that matters.
16:17
Oh who? Cares about my first chance out
16:20
of jail? Yeah, who cares?
16:22
Who cares? Soon we learn that she's
16:26
normally attached to the bad boys, right?
16:28
We get a bit of the background. She's like, this is not the man
16:32
that I would normally go for, no at all.
16:34
She's like, where's the tattoos? Where's the grease?
16:37
Where's the mattress? On the floor?
16:38
Where's the smell? Where's Yeah?
16:40
Where's the one pair of underwear?
16:42
Where's the Harley-Davidson? Like what?
16:44
Where's the sheeps? Barely on the bed, right?
16:47
She's. Confused, she goes.
16:49
Is it normal to be? Attracted.
16:50
Is it me? To a man.
16:53
But also he was being crazy with how he talks.
16:56
Right. He was, he was giving crazy.
16:58
Yeah. And he was giving like, wasn't
17:00
he giving a bit like, I guess like, what would he really be
17:04
scamming from her really? Because she's being offered a
17:06
job, she's getting paid a normal salary.
17:08
So it's kind of like kind of go with it I guess.
17:12
Her pussy's. Clenching.
17:13
Yes, because she dripping, clenching, struggling.
17:17
Shitting down the wall. Because she realised that she's
17:21
been in prison for like, what, four years?
17:22
Yeah. And she only just got out.
17:25
And she's like. Oh. 21 and then got out at 25 I
17:29
think. OK, I'm assuming she wasn't gay
17:32
for the stay. No.
17:34
She's like hasn't been touched. No.
17:37
Interesting. It's powder down there.
17:41
Her best friend Nicole, piece of shit.
17:43
They were friends in childhood, yes.
17:45
They have a weird attachment though.
17:47
It's giving they banged at some point.
17:49
I wouldn't say banged at some point, I would say Nicole wants
17:53
to bang. I get.
17:55
Yep, I get it. There's something there.
17:57
It's also like Nicole clearly latched onto the most loving
18:01
household and then was like a little energy vampire and was
18:04
just zapping it out of everyone. Their whole crime was weird,
18:09
even when she was trying to explain it to Aiden.
18:11
Oh, like, girl, what? You're going to have to explain
18:13
that again and again and again to me?
18:14
Yeah, she was trying to take accountability, but I'm kind of
18:18
like, what? It wouldn't be a crime I would
18:20
do. They were robbing a restaurant.
18:23
That their friend owned to try and do an insurance scam.
18:26
Yeah. And then she's saying she had a
18:28
gun but didn't know there was actual real bullets in it.
18:30
It's like what? Yeah, they thought it was a fake
18:33
gun. And then Nicole was the one who
18:34
pulled the trigger off a guy, but he didn't die.
18:37
So then they got. It was that old man.
18:39
And they got charges of, like, attempted robbery or some shit,
18:43
Yeah. Who would just go along with all
18:44
that? Like yeah, but also.
18:47
Would it be an insurance scam if the owner didn't know?
18:51
But I thought the. Owner wasn't supposed to be
18:53
there or something and then there was a miscommunication.
18:57
Well, the owner is the one that got shot.
18:59
Got shot. So did she set her up?
19:02
I don't know. Hey.
19:03
I feel like Nicole told Stella that he was in on it.
19:06
I think it maybe had been like a friend of theirs work there but
19:11
didn't know. OK, gotcha.
19:12
And then the owner was there and then they're like, oh shit,
19:14
yeah. Weird.
19:15
And then she didn't leave him there.
19:18
That's a big secret. The whole thing is that she
19:20
stayed with him the entire time. How was that a secret like no
19:23
one cares? I don't.
19:27
Care. Literally.
19:30
You still shot him. But how do you OK?
19:32
Like I could be a peer pressured bitch when everyone's having a
19:35
good time da da da da. How do you get peer pressure
19:37
into the shit though? Like wouldn't be me.
19:39
Because if this we didn't be planning.
19:42
Exactly. In the moment, if someone's like
19:44
do a nutty run, I'd be like, maybe like, not, not like, I'm
19:48
strong. Enough, you know.
19:49
Exactly. I'd be like like peer pressure,
19:53
but this is ridiculous. I would just be like, I don't
19:55
like you that much. Exactly.
19:58
It would be like it would. Depend on the depth of a
20:00
friendship. I don't.
20:01
Know if you could convince me to do a robbery?
20:04
No. I'm too.
20:05
We're too lazy. 100%. I just wanna sit on my couch.
20:09
Exactly. How would we pull that shit off?
20:11
Are you getting something else for us to plan?
20:13
Shut. Up.
20:13
No, I don't wanna do it. Exactly.
20:15
I'd be like, I'd rather be poor. That's.
20:16
True mental aid for me. How'd I be poor?
20:19
Be poor. Like why would we do that?
20:21
I. Can't even organise a dinner
20:22
like let's be so for real. Let's.
20:24
Be for real. The only time we meet up is when
20:26
we're recording this podcast. Like that's our laziness.
20:30
So it's our socialising rolled into one.
20:33
Yeah, exactly. It's perfect by the way.
20:37
Perfect, perfect, perfect. Nicole's still in jail though,
20:40
and she's like, Oh my God, all my mandatory therapy is leading
20:45
up to me telling her I don't want to be friends anymore, OK?
20:48
And then Nicole's still trying to contact her like crazy.
20:51
I appreciate that it wasn't a boring ex-boyfriend that gets to
20:54
come in in the final act though. Just stir things up.
20:57
I hate that and. You know what?
20:59
Remember. Like the couple of books we read
21:00
and the ex-boyfriend comes in and then they're just out of it
21:03
2 pages later and it's like. And it's a full flop.
21:06
Yeah, and I'm like, what was the point of?
21:07
View It's not even a challenge. At least the coal was a constant
21:10
reminder the entire time. And it was a challenge for her
21:13
internally. Yeah.
21:14
Because she was debating, am I good enough to have this fresh
21:17
start, or should I let her in a bit still?
21:19
And then you're still in that yucky from before.
21:21
Yeah. So we learn from Aiden and his
21:24
weird generational trauma is that he bailed out the company
21:28
and technically his family, who didn't raise him, by the way,
21:31
they were like, fuck off to Aunt Edna's.
21:33
Yeah, That's why he loves her so much.
21:35
His dad got a new girlfriend or something.
21:37
He got replaced. He got replaced but he saved the
21:39
entire department store and they're still treat him like.
21:42
Trash yeah, he owns 60% so not only did he save the entire
21:47
department small he started a honey business doing door
21:50
deliveries he. Kept the business going and then
21:54
his grandma still helps an attitude.
21:56
I'm like why are they like that though?
21:59
Why do they care enough to harass him all the time?
22:01
They. Think they still have control of
22:03
the company I was. Like you've got nothing.
22:05
I was like my guy, I buy another 10% and then just keep him out.
22:09
He probably will, but I think he's just obligated.
22:12
Yeah, and he says he goes along with the grandma going to the
22:15
board meetings to pretend like she's still part of the decision
22:17
making, but he doesn't need them.
22:20
No, he doesn't need them. He's a big independent girl.
22:23
He's able. To make.
22:25
Decisions for himself take a shot, though, for every time
22:29
Aiden says. Aunt Edna, why does he bring her
22:32
up like during sex? Pretty much like.
22:34
Stop. You just want to bang your
22:36
auntie. Stop it, you've got.
22:38
Mommy issues, but it's like auntie issues.
22:40
I feel like he just, that's his only personality.
22:43
It's so sad, like he doesn't have a single friend.
22:46
That's because he's weird. He's a lot.
22:49
I think that's why he latched onto her so badly.
22:51
He goes. She seems vulnerable.
22:53
She's fresh out of jail. She hasn't had time to network.
22:56
Yet she doesn't know what's normal.
22:58
And she's not even from there. This was a big move for her.
23:01
So he was just like Latch. I didn't like how clingy he was.
23:05
She was just as clingy, to be fair.
23:08
She wasn't as clingy but he was like desperate and clingy
23:12
because this all happens in like one week.
23:14
Yeah, but they do that weird. She gets stuck in the window and
23:19
then he. Oh.
23:19
That was weird. We're we're day one in she gets
23:23
stuck in a window, he comes together 'cause she's panicking
23:26
and then she's straddling him like in.
23:29
The window. In the window, and then he
23:31
carries her to the elevator. Yeah.
23:33
And then she's like, I could just move down a.
23:35
Little and she's just trying to grind on him.
23:37
I'm like, stop, that's your boss.
23:41
But then they're in the elevator still one day in window now
23:45
escaped. And he's like, don't let the tie
23:47
fool you. I'm not always nice.
23:49
I'm like, shut, that's your employee.
23:52
And it's where's. Hey, Charles.
23:54
It's Dave. What?
23:55
Where is they're always sniffing about?
23:58
Where are they? I know I.
24:00
Thought that's a rhyme. Not long after, right?
24:03
They both kind of on their own perspective.
24:06
They know they like each other like that.
24:07
They want a bone. Aiden casually, not so casually,
24:11
brings up the HR side of things. She goes, oh, I've read the bit
24:15
about the non fraternisation, so we technically couldn't do
24:17
anything. Yeah.
24:18
And then he goes, actually you could sign a love contract,
24:22
which is apparently you're pre admitting you're gonna try
24:27
dating. Yeah.
24:30
How do you do that? That's awkward.
24:31
When do you cancel it if it doesn't work out on date #1 what
24:35
if you go out for a dinner date and you're like, actually this
24:37
flopped? It's embarrassing.
24:39
I think this is where he does the board meeting and then he's
24:41
really sad about it and then they do a fake present exchange.
24:46
He gets her like a necklace whereas a keychain and then she
24:50
gets him a binoculars. But he takes it so serious.
24:54
And she is like, because you're always looking up at what?
24:57
He's 64. He's always looking down.
25:00
Stalking her like what? He's always looking in her
25:02
fucking apartment windows, probably with the binoculars.
25:06
I just can't deal with them and. He took the necklace super
25:09
serious. He goes, oh, she's just mine
25:11
now. Well.
25:12
That's funny. Talking about all this like
25:14
getting around HR and he's like, whatever rules have you read And
25:18
she's like none. I'm like sure.
25:20
But she admits that. She's next to that, so it's a
25:22
bit immediately we go from this to him going home to wanking
25:28
about them having a family. That is ridiculous.
25:33
I was like, he started it started off sexy, started off
25:36
with him, like she's on my desk at work, right?
25:39
And then he actually comes to her getting ready in the mirror
25:43
together. And then shopping for fucking
25:45
tableware shit. Yeah, okay.
25:49
Well, kind, can you get any more weird?
25:53
I don't think anyone like If you think about men, I.
25:56
Feel like Tesla was fucking with us this entire. 100% this is a
26:00
parody. Men in the history of the
26:02
universe, I don't think a single one has ever fapped to
26:05
dinnerware. Nope.
26:06
To serving Ware to Christmas. He was like side plates.
26:10
He's like, I want that, that blue trim, that old lady blue
26:16
trim. So they keep being flirty,
26:19
obviously back and forth, understanding that he's the
26:21
boss. They haven't signed anything
26:23
yet. The back and forth was kind of
26:24
lame because they both weren't even putting the brakes on.
26:27
And he also says weird shit all the time.
26:29
All the time. Aiden was definitely on his
26:32
weird male privilege saviour bullshit.
26:35
You can't convince me otherwise. When she was in the hotel in
26:37
the. Anytime.
26:39
The whole time. Yeah, pretty much.
26:40
The whole time he was so dramatic about it.
26:42
He's like, oh, she's misunderstood.
26:46
Like I can fix her and not only can I fix her, but I can fix her
26:48
immediately. I.
26:50
Can fix her. And it's like, oh.
26:51
And then he was trying to convince him that he was Dark
26:53
Betty and everything. Oh.
26:55
My God, he kept doing it though. No, like relax, no one cares.
27:00
Every time they were like in each other's face and they
27:03
weren't even being sexual. He's like, I promise you were
27:05
not always nice. Shut up.
27:07
We. Know Imagine.
27:08
Overhearing. That in an elevator, if you're
27:10
stuck with them, the worst thing is.
27:12
They currently. Do have sex and it's not any
27:14
different. Not any different.
27:17
OK, when they finally. Start doing sexual things.
27:19
Why does he say weird shit to? Blow in point.
27:23
Five of a second anyway, after all this dirty talk he's been
27:26
leading up to her believe I can do it rough.
27:29
He would be a cum. In the jeans type of he is he?
27:32
Practically admitted that one day when he was looking at her
27:35
in the store he had a chop. Ohh yeah like a full job.
27:37
Not even a half chop grow. Up.
27:39
You're 30. Grow up, he's disgusting.
27:43
There's children in this department store.
27:45
You're just walking around with your family trying to do your
27:47
last minute Christmas shopping. It's not going to have like
27:49
venue full fucking chug fucking. General Manager.
27:53
Huge general. Manager on his.
27:55
Shirt, you're just like. I hope he's not dressing up as
28:00
Santa. Leader.
28:01
Oh no. Why did they let men?
28:04
In. Here, or maybe some of the
28:06
ladies. Would be like, is he dressing up
28:12
as Santa Elaine? And then he speaks and they're
28:14
like, oh. No, Oh no.
28:19
Well, panties have gone back on. They're snows.
28:28
Back into place, Pull. Those back up, they're just on
28:33
the they're getting eaten. In reverse.
28:38
They're like on the department store.
28:39
Floor for a second and then that.
28:42
It's so dry. It's tape.
28:43
At this point. I cannot deal God every time,
28:50
OK? Every time he.
28:51
Thinks about sex. He does the I'm I'm not nice.
28:55
But then there is I need a fucker rough like she needs it.
28:59
Who says? Who?
29:01
Says what if? She wants it nice and.
29:02
Slow, he didn't even. Ask you never asked.
29:06
He's like she's used to that. Prison bang that prison pussy
29:12
gotta break it back in. He's like they're.
29:15
Scissor and. Try in there.
29:17
He's like damn, she's. She's been having those conjugal
29:19
visits with her ex boyfriends. With the metal pulsar.
29:23
Bad I. Can't deal.
29:29
I love how he just never even. Asked her if she wants her off
29:32
for anything and she's just like, I guess this is all like,
29:35
all again. Yeah, he's like I just.
29:38
Assumed he's like. I guess I'm on the naughty list.
29:44
Santa's like, sure, Santa's. In the background.
29:47
I'm. Like can you guys?
29:49
Can I do my job here? Oh God.
29:51
And OK, so they finally, I don't think they'd signed the contract
29:54
yet. No, this is where is.
29:56
It when they go out for drinks she's invited out and he just
30:00
shows up this one time giving Edward Collins.
30:04
Oh my God, no, not like. That how did we get a protective
30:07
boyfriend? Hear me out, hear me out.
30:09
That instead of going, hey, that's my girl, he goes in a
30:13
club. Your mum's looking for you.
30:15
She's literally outside, babe. She's outside.
30:18
But like, there's a guy talking to her and he goes, your mum's
30:21
looking for you, she's about this high and he's like, yeah,
30:23
that's my mum. Why would your mum be looking
30:26
for you in a fucking club? Who's believing?
30:29
That. He's on shift.
30:32
Like the bartender's on shift. Also, when you step outside and
30:35
it's snowing and your mom's not there, wouldn't you just walk
30:37
back in? Continue serving.
30:41
Bar like you couldn't say anything else.
30:43
Why did? You had to go to this full
30:45
elaborate yeah scheme. Why would you make him so?
30:48
Happy like that? Why wouldn't you?
30:51
How dare you be kind of all. That way and he's.
30:53
Like I guess she's. Right outside she's.
30:56
Asking for you. He's like she's.
30:59
Like OK. He's like my mum's actually in
31:01
another. State yeah, actually 3 states
31:03
away and he goes oh she. Must be here then.
31:07
Also, why would? That even the man wasn't even
31:10
cracking onto her that bad. Relax.
31:12
Yeah, he just had a penis. That's what I hate about these
31:15
books. Yeah.
31:15
The trope is always anyone with a penis.
31:19
She wasn't even reciprocating flirting with the bartender.
31:21
She was just out. Yeah.
31:23
Heaven forbid. What was she even?
31:26
Doing again. She was just outside, just
31:29
living. Just living she's.
31:31
Just talking to a man outside, he's put.
31:34
He's definitely put some kind of tracker on her.
31:36
Yeah, well, he was invited. By George, I was like.
31:41
It's giving full. Stalker, but honestly.
31:45
I could see it. I could see it.
31:47
Wasn't this their? Sort of Christmas party, not
31:50
really like but with work people it was their fake Christmas.
31:53
Party and then adding fingers. Are outside and.
31:56
Then everyone was. Like he was realizing I'm a real
31:59
person, I can actually relate to human beings, and I can go out
32:03
with my work. Shut up.
32:06
And he gives all the credit. To Stella he goes, Oh, she makes
32:09
me look more relatable, like a human being.
32:11
And now, now I can go out and she's she all she goes.
32:14
Is just talk to them like what right people her.
32:17
Coaching is just talk to them like they're human beings.
32:21
And then he does it and he's like, whoa, whoa, they like me.
32:24
He's a. Perfectly nice.
32:26
Person. Stop doubting yourself.
32:30
Idiot just drives me nuts like I'll be this big age and this
32:35
stupid. He never had any friends.
32:39
And was. This the time.
32:40
Where they were trying to hustle back to hers or his?
32:43
I'm confused. So they go back.
32:44
To her place. And she's like, whoa, whoa,
32:46
whoa. He's like, we're going back to
32:48
your place. Why wouldn't you go back to
32:49
yours? Maybe hers is.
32:51
Closer. They were on the verge of coming
32:53
at every but I'm like, you're rich, your house will be.
32:56
Nice. Not 100%, no, but you know.
32:58
He wants to sniff around. Yeah.
33:00
And then he was like. Oh what a weird house but he was
33:04
fine with it. Also he was like oh I used to be
33:07
poor don't stress girl. If someone said.
33:10
That shit to me. I'd be like is.
33:12
This where they. Kind of give up like.
33:14
They're making out and then they're like, oh, we shouldn't
33:16
do this, she thinks. I owe OH.
33:19
As if it's such a non problem at this point, who gives a fuck?
33:23
Was this a bit where she. Gave her first blowjob ever and
33:27
was like, what? That was at his place.
33:28
Yeah, OK. Alright, that's where all the
33:31
weird stuff happens. I know there was a lot of weird.
33:35
Crammed in a short amount of time 'cause it was like this
33:37
whole book was build up the problem with work.
33:41
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
33:42
And then it like finished abruptly.
33:44
Yes. It was only. 245 pages.
33:47
Yeah, I love it. Crazy.
33:49
It's a wild time. She gets accused.
33:52
Of stealing earrings literally the next day.
33:54
So she's stressed. Nicole's ringing her.
33:57
He's like, fuck, she doesn't wanna talk to me.
33:59
She's had enough of me. Mm hmm.
34:01
He's gone upstairs and she's getting dragged by security into
34:04
HR crying. Mm hmm, I don't think she was
34:07
crying. Traumatic, traumatic.
34:08
And she's like, fuck, this is all because I have a record.
34:12
And then Jordan's like, legging it upstairs.
34:14
He's run downstairs to yell out his grandma.
34:18
Grandma, Dad and the grandma's just.
34:21
So sad. On it she goes.
34:23
She did it well. They're all like.
34:25
Work in that department. They're like, she's the only one
34:28
that could do it. And then he gets all the
34:29
employees in because he's like, I have faith and Stella, I'm
34:33
like, you've given it to her a little too early, but it's fine.
34:35
And then it turns out one random employee just put some on hold.
34:40
You're a huge ass. Store.
34:42
Would you not have a log system for shit like that?
34:46
And why would you? As any Kona sales assistant
34:49
allow a customer to walk out of the building with diamond
34:52
earrings, no. Without it at least being on
34:54
afterpay, no. She put them in the register.
34:56
On hold. Ohh so they were hidden in the
34:58
register. I was like, what bitch?
35:00
Yeah, exactly. You'd have it in a safe or
35:03
something or just have it marked.
35:05
I don't even know. I thought she let him walk out
35:07
of here and I don't know what an even.
35:08
She just put both of them in the back.
35:10
Of a as register as if anyone would have even.
35:12
Noticed that? No, and that's what I mean.
35:14
You should just have a log the grandma was looking.
35:18
For a reason. Ohh, she's weird too.
35:20
And then her car was towed. Hmm.
35:23
Yeah, the grandma's. Car was told that was kind of
35:24
funny immediately after all this.
35:26
Happens they decide to sign the love contract like they don't
35:29
which what? Immediately I was like.
35:32
Now you are indebted to him and then they go fuck in his office
35:36
and he thinks he's sticking. It to the man it's like you you
35:41
are demand the boss of Heja. Like what do?
35:42
You mean what do you mean as Stella though?
35:46
What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing?
35:48
Because. You just got accused.
35:50
In front of everyone, this man saves you and you.
35:53
Immediately it was a bare minimum.
35:55
It's bare minimum. He didn't need to save it.
35:57
And then you're fucking in his office in the supply closet,
36:00
which is insane. Because don't you care about
36:03
what you look like to the new Co workers?
36:05
Like they know they know what's going on straight away anyway I
36:07
suppose. But still I think there would be
36:10
more like a bit of jealousy from like Co workers being like well
36:14
that's why they signed the contract.
36:15
So he's not allowed to manage her, so he can't give her
36:17
special treatment. They literally rock up at work.
36:20
And leave together like. I'm like they know, they've
36:23
seen. Her in the limo?
36:25
What? And steamy.
36:26
It's hilarious. She was grinding on.
36:28
Him at that point, I'm not aft, I immediately go back to his
36:33
place. So we go from fucking in the
36:35
office to staying at his place making popcorn goblins, like
36:38
that's not the weirdest shit in the world.
36:40
And then because she pins Oh my God, this man, I don't
36:45
understand him. So he's making breakfast, she
36:48
pins her bangs back and he's like, Oh my God, heaven.
36:52
It's like she's a different person.
36:53
She's a multi. Face bitch.
36:56
That whole situation would give me the egg, watching him drop
36:59
egg and then stand in it, drop egg, drop egg, stand in it and
37:04
walk towards me with yolk on his feet and pretty much wanted to
37:07
slurp that egg. Up off the floor she was looking
37:10
out his. Buns.
37:12
Yeah, this is when she decided to go fingers deep in his buns.
37:16
Yeah, well, she went to the dig first.
37:17
She was like, no, how has she never given?
37:19
A blowjob. No, no, they literally I should
37:22
you know. You probably missed it and I
37:23
definitely didn't because it was horrific.
37:25
So. So they're kissing, she slips
37:28
her hands into his pants and is grabbing first grabbing his arse
37:34
and then she is a full detail bit of her running credit card
37:37
in his arse crack and she was like I'm just seeing how deep it
37:40
goes and was putting her finger. This is why I was like, I
37:43
thought that was during the blowjob.
37:44
No, this was before the blowjob. Before it even happened and she
37:47
was like, I'm just putting my finger to see how deep it goes,
37:50
and then she goes a blowjob. Your finger's gonna get lost in
37:54
there, honey. It's a huge burns.
37:56
Who says? That she was just doing it.
37:59
She. Was like I just want to feel how
38:00
deep it goes. I hope she had big long
38:03
Christmassy. Nails.
38:05
Like Cardi B nails? Nightmare before Christmas he's
38:10
like, but then he was like she's.
38:13
Like I think he likes that, so he's burning egg.
38:16
Burning. Egg on his.
38:18
Feet. This is where I think.
38:22
That was the weird consent of that and he nearly came like.
38:25
Immediately he did, and then so. She's she's giving her first
38:29
blowjob ever, which. Go, apparently.
38:33
It's. Perfect.
38:34
Do you reckon it tastes like peppermint?
38:36
I wouldn't even be mad. Dick is just.
38:40
Feel like she's. Like girl I.
38:41
Already brushed my teeth. His Dick is just so peppermint.
38:43
Tea, fresh peppermint and hard. Huge.
38:48
Huge. Huge.
38:49
What is it with books like this? He's practically 6-7, right?
38:53
And they're always like, she's practically not even 4 foot
38:56
tall. Like what?
38:58
Why does the height? Difference need to be.
39:00
That I can park a semi between them like what is going?
39:04
On. What is?
39:06
It going to be that way. What is he had to?
39:08
Lift her. 3 kilometres to get up there.
39:11
What is this? You don't ask for this because
39:14
it's in every book. And then he whips out his
39:16
schlong and it's the biggest thing, like it's King Kong
39:18
Schwong. Mm Hmm.
39:20
You don't want that, No, Like that's your whole body.
39:23
That's your whole body length, Yeah, you're just putting the
39:26
tip. In.
39:28
Is classic. But didn't he immediately, like,
39:31
shove his entire pinky into her ass?
39:33
Yeah, So we went from her. So what happened?
39:36
No. Like he's made sure to remember
39:39
this exactly. Very tit for tat it was.
39:41
Very tit for tat. So she was like.
39:46
Giving head first time ever. And she was like, you know what
39:51
I'm going to do? Tickle his asshole and then.
39:55
She goes. He's almost.
39:56
Close and I know he likes it because I can feel his body.
39:59
So she jams her finger in there. What?
40:02
I don't get about this whole. Situation is he rips her up.
40:06
Yeah, before he comes. So how did that go with the
40:08
finger in the arms exactly? That's dangerous, especially
40:12
with those nails prolapse. Hawking something on the way
40:19
out. Maybe he doesn't need that
40:24
colonic. After all, anyway, he.
40:27
Flips over, eggs still on his feet.
40:31
Don't bring me back to the. Egg Bitch.
40:34
I had forgotten about that. Yolk.
40:35
Babe. Please don't bring it slipping
40:38
in the sliding flipping. Her over.
40:41
I just wanted to slip. On the yolk and just be like.
40:47
Imagine his legs like like a little baby like is his.
40:51
Is her entire height. Yeah, little baby reindeer.
40:57
Like he's like a Disney. Character.
40:59
Like his legs like trending. RIP treasure.
41:03
He was wearing a prototype, but he's shirtless making breakfast.
41:11
No, This is why he's. Naked but the bow.
41:13
Tie like magic. Mike, This is why he's being
41:15
dirty. Because the fucking tie wasn't
41:17
on. Because remember his ties, his
41:19
split personality? That's.
41:22
What he said when he puts his tie on.
41:27
His 80 yarn. He's what?
41:30
80 yarn. 80 yarn and then he's just Aiden, Dark Aiden and.
41:35
Then he's. Just Aiden.
41:37
She. She.
41:37
Gets ripped. Out fingers and.
41:39
Cheeks. Wait, what?
41:41
Do you think that? Sounded.
41:42
Like when she's getting ripped out of his asshole.
41:45
Like if you were to make up a sound effect, he's.
41:49
Got a long asshole. He's going to walk, I reckon she
41:53
was. In there D.
41:55
Double fingers a dream. You're.
42:01
Just sitting there getting flashbacks, I was like, she
42:06
wants Cardi B. Nails in your asshole like she's
42:09
very sweet. From like swiping the.
42:11
Cheeks to fingers deep. So right, yeah, she wasn't
42:14
playing. She was not playing, so he
42:16
flips. Her onto that bench and then
42:18
he's like, I bet you like it too, and that's when he puts a
42:20
pinky in. But she's pinky's probably the
42:24
thickness of. 12 of her Oh my. God, I didn't think about that.
42:32
She's been in prison. How relevant.
42:37
And irrelevant, that is, she's been.
42:41
Away for a minute, her. Pussy ain't that wet.
42:43
But he he went straight to the pink.
42:47
He. Went.
42:47
Straight to the stink. I know what I meant.
42:51
Pink to stink. He was like.
42:53
I don't care. About the pussy.
42:56
It's like she went in. My asshole.
42:58
And this is where. He had a religious experience,
43:00
he. Had a religious experience.
43:02
And honestly I feel like this counts as the anal to log
43:06
pipeline. Wait, not bad, do you reckon it?
43:13
Counts. Because they were for days
43:15
going. I will love him.
43:16
I just, Ryan, I'm just falling in love.
43:18
With. Him and then we've got fingers
43:20
and assholes. There's something about that.
43:23
Something about getting deep in the asshole it used to.
43:26
You wouldn't be me. You like, can't relate, can't
43:33
not gonna drive in. Books.
43:35
Asshole is always. The place that they've never let
43:37
anyone exactly odds hole. So like.
43:40
They're always like. They're always like.
43:44
May have never given a blowjob, but also my whole the.
43:48
Whole my asshole. My asshole it's everything leads
43:53
back to it's conveniently. Clean and douched out, Douched
43:57
and ready, Douched and. Ready, douched and ready even.
43:59
Though they were. Fucking all night before?
44:02
Are you kidding? There's no way.
44:07
But to be fair, they haven't had.
44:08
Breakfast yet? So maybe, maybe it's alright.
44:10
Oh my God. Also.
44:12
Also this man while she was sucking his Dick, I'm sorry I
44:18
forgot about it. This is why this man would never
44:20
turn me on. He goes.
44:22
That sucking little mouth is about to blast me off.
44:30
Little where are you going? Where where is he blasting on?
44:35
Why is that? That's.
44:36
Apparently him not being nasked, but how did he get it up?
44:39
Immediately when they were banging, 5 seconds later if he
44:43
already came and then they're fucking and he.
44:46
Said of Christmas. I tell you it's the.
44:47
Spirit of Christmas and. Then they're fucking.
44:49
He goes oh fuck yes you hot ass girl.
44:53
Not the girl, not the. Hot ass girl.
44:56
Could you imagine? That's a hot ass girl.
44:59
Hot. Ass.
44:59
Girl. Delivery is giving everybody.
45:03
Oh. Fuck yes you hot ass girl.
45:07
Beep, beep, beep. Honestly.
45:10
Stop. Is he giving?
45:11
Southern Elon Musk. That's a crime.
45:16
That's a crime. Illegal.
45:18
Illegal. Beep bop boop.
45:20
Beep bop boop. Don't know how to relate.
45:22
Beep bop. To people we just blank staring.
45:29
I was like, what is happening? What's?
45:30
She talking about. We flash forward.
45:33
Next day. Our souls clean all at work.
45:37
She's dressed up. He's like, yes, buy this green
45:39
dress. Irrelevant.
45:41
Irrelevant. Irrelevant.
45:43
Nicole. Calls.
45:44
She's like, I'm actually at your apartment because your parents
45:46
gave me your address. My parents, Loki, suck for that.
45:51
If you want the best for your daughter, why are you giving her
45:54
the weird crack girls? Stella kind of just assumed.
45:56
It though because Nicole just says I'm at your apartment full
46:00
stop and then Stella thinks that her parents have somehow given
46:03
it to her. She would be the only way.
46:05
To get it surely, I feel. Like Aiden fully overreacts to
46:09
this. He acts like she's about to meet
46:11
with a mafia gang boss or something and she's about to be
46:15
murdered. Gunpoint.
46:16
It's Nicole. Yeah.
46:19
Like it's fine. She's.
46:20
Just a whiny little. Bitch and he almost wants to go
46:22
with. Her and she has to say to Aiden,
46:25
can you slow your male privilege down savior role she's like let
46:30
me actually. Save myself, let me live for
46:33
one. Minute of life, she's like I did
46:35
a whole. Lot of work for this, I'm doing
46:36
it by myself right? And she didn't even.
46:38
Threaten her or anything. She's like I'm at your apartment
46:41
which is a bit odd and she just goes there and tells her what
46:45
she's been meaning to say for ages and it went fine.
46:48
She's like we're to live separate.
46:49
Lives. We're not attached anymore.
46:51
You can stay here. Yeah.
46:53
I'll live with Aiden. It's been 2.
46:55
Fucking days. I know, relax.
46:57
She's like. Anyway, I'm I've got to save you
46:59
now. So she's like.
47:01
Anyway, my whole life. 'S together in 10 business days
47:04
or less, and yours I got, I got. Lucky, because a man found me
47:07
hot right I if I. Honestly, was meeting up with.
47:10
Nicole I'd be such a petty bitch about it too.
47:12
Just to be a bitch to be. Fair to Stella, she's.
47:16
Got the work, grind for it. So it's not like she didn't wait
47:18
for it, but also she did kind of just get lucky.
47:21
Oh 100%. Like surely there was a more
47:23
qualified person in there. Are you kidding?
47:26
Like imagine. If he was chatting to someone
47:28
outside the window and they were not attractive to him
47:30
whatsoever, do you think he's going out of his way to offer
47:33
her the job? No.
47:34
All of what happens next? Absolutely not.
47:38
But anyway, Nicole took a pretty well considering.
47:40
Yeah. And you're like, anyway, bye.
47:42
He's like, OK. Meanwhile.
47:44
Aiden's freaking out at the real Christmas party for work and
47:47
he's like spiralling out of control what time in the day is.
47:51
This all happening 'cause it feels like it was happening at
47:53
10:00 in the morning and then the Christmas party was
47:56
immediately after all of this and then he's like, she's not
47:59
even. Here for the Christmas and was
48:01
like. Stop being a weird person.
48:03
And he's like, I hope she's not dying.
48:04
And then everyone was trying to teach.
48:06
Him how to renegade before. This, There was a bit of a weird
48:10
non breakup. Breakup.
48:11
Yeah, where she decided that she wanted to be professional way
48:16
too late. Yeah.
48:17
It's like, oh, that ship has sailed.
48:19
You already signed the contract and all that shit.
48:21
Yeah. And then he freaked out.
48:23
And if anything, that's what made him more clingy.
48:25
I think he was really clingy because.
48:27
Remembering there somewhere he was like they can either not put
48:30
up with me being this his personality, right, or they have
48:35
sex with him and they can't go back to the personality or they
48:38
don't make it to having sex with him.
48:40
So then they think he's weird and sex he's just weird.
48:43
He's. Just weird.
48:43
Like, let's be real. He's just got a big.
48:45
Personality. That's OK, nothing wrong with
48:48
that. He is a bit of a people.
48:50
Pleaser. Yeah, in a way he needs to stop
48:53
thinking that his Co workers are that avoidant of him.
48:56
They're not. Do this.
48:57
Be nice to them. He is anyway, and he's a.
49:00
Cool, boss. Yeah, like it's relaxed, not
49:02
that serious. Anyway, she comes back, bursts
49:05
the doors open and she's holding this cheesy robe, EW.
49:10
And it's like a Christmas red and black Plaid.
49:12
EW, She's in matching robes. So she she's wearing one and
49:15
she's holding. One for him.
49:16
So yeah, that's weird. Terrible.
49:18
He would have been just as happy in the green dress.
49:20
Girl, you didn't need to get him matching robes, he could have
49:24
been wearing a green dress as well.
49:25
Exactly. Exactly.
49:27
And of course. She's running towards him and
49:30
he's running up imagining that eight kids and he's like, yeah.
49:34
She loves me back and that's why I was really thrown.
49:36
Off that it ended there because I was like, oh, they didn't even
49:40
break up for real. For real.
49:41
No. So there wasn't a real problem
49:43
apart from the family accusing her of stealing.
49:46
Yeah. And then he sort of just glossed
49:47
over it. He's like, whatever.
49:49
And Nicole, who wasn't? Even, which wasn't a problem
49:51
again and. Then we flash a year.
49:52
Later to what They're engaged, they're going to her parents
49:58
down. I'm like you.
50:00
Still need. There's nothing.
50:04
They're engaged. They're trying not to each other
50:07
in a car. Put some respect on your
50:09
driver's name. Stop trying to stop.
50:12
Trying to. Sexually assault your driver,
50:14
let him do his job without you trying to be naked in the back.
50:18
Surely there's a partition? There's a partition, but.
50:21
Still be respectful. Keep it in your pants.
50:25
Do you have plenty of time? No ones that horny.
50:28
I feel like they've been living. Together, this whole she would
50:30
have moved in with him immediately she moved in because
50:33
she never. Moved back because her uncle
50:35
took the house back. Yeah.
50:36
But then she's like, with the Christmas season, we haven't
50:39
been seeing each other. But you had all that time, the
50:41
time before. Hmm, and let's be.
50:44
Real. You're still working together.
50:45
He's also the manager. Right.
50:47
Anyway, they're trying to fuck each other in the car and
50:49
they're like, he's like, oh, we promised we'd be out your
50:51
parents in 10 minutes. He's just like, oh, I suppose.
50:54
And then their excuse was we had to get hot chalkies on the way.
50:57
No one's believing that. No one's.
50:59
Believing that. But anyway, he shows up at the
51:01
door. It's all weird, weird tension.
51:03
He says this weird story about art and that I skipped.
51:06
I'm sorry, I couldn't do it anymore.
51:08
Why does she? Always have to be the
51:10
icebreaker, Yeah. Everyone just humours him
51:12
because there's no way they want this woman brought up.
51:15
I think it's so. We like such a weird story that
51:19
it's an icebreaker because no one knows what the fuck to do.
51:21
Yeah, they're like, OK, It's almost nonsensical as well.
51:25
I remember I was skimming through it and I was like, what
51:27
are you saying? What are you saying?
51:29
Who cares? I think he just blurts his stuff
51:31
out. When he's awkward and then we
51:33
end on a very. Strong note of saying I'm
51:36
matching robes. Love you.
51:39
That's fucking. Disgusting.
51:40
That's a crime. That's a crime.
51:41
Put it back in prison. How did I not hear that part?
51:45
Yeah. I didn't fucking miss it and it
51:48
was eye matching robes. Love you back because I woof you
51:51
all over again from you. Woof, it was.
51:53
Giving you anyway, wasn't it throughout?
51:56
Yeah, that's him. That's his theme song.
52:01
Now it's Britney Spears. I don't know but who who let?
52:08
Tessa Bailey write that who let her who let her write it down?
52:13
I. Swear, I honestly think.
52:14
She's trolling us the whole. Book I think she's trolling us
52:17
and she's. Done a very good job.
52:18
She's doing a very good job because it was.
52:20
Subtly trolling to the point where it's almost believable.
52:23
Well, there was something where I was.
52:24
Like when they were having sex, I swear to God I was giggling
52:28
because I was like what the not you know, like this is funny.
52:31
I was like what the fuck am I reading exactly I think.
52:35
That's how she toes the line really well.
52:37
She does it really well because remember.
52:38
We read her other. Book 1, like what happened last
52:41
summer? The Lighthouse girl, Is that the
52:43
same one? Yeah.
52:44
I thought it was the other Christmas one we read where no.
52:48
The Rockefeller. Thing.
52:50
Damn. No, she was the one with the
52:52
lighthouse. And remember, those sex scenes
52:55
were really weird because the she was humping the.
52:57
Brazilian bikini. Wax and that you get the weird
52:59
details that you didn't think you needed and then the was it
53:02
the one with the? Humping the pillow and
53:03
everything. Yeah, humping his pillow.
53:05
Yes. And then rushing through the
53:06
emergency room. Yeah.
53:07
Pussy out, yeah. So it kinda makes it does.
53:13
Doesn't it? She definitely.
53:14
Has a theme. And it's like crazy enough that
53:18
you're like, what the hell is going on?
53:19
But then you're also like, it's not that bad.
53:21
It's not that bad like. It's like all the themes of A.
53:24
Dark romance with no themes of dark romance.
53:27
I kind of like it because it's. Chaotic.
53:28
You don't know what's going to happen next.
53:30
Yeah, but she hit the marks all very quickly, so I actually
53:33
enjoyed it because nothing I hate more than a dragged out,
53:36
unnecessary breakup. I don't want to read a. 700 page
53:39
romance? Absolutely not.
53:41
Not a contemporary. No, unless it's a.
53:43
Romanticy. And there's back story and like
53:46
big events, sometimes you can get away with it.
53:48
Sometimes you can't, but there has to be a lot more than this.
53:51
And this clearly was written based around his him speaking.
53:56
Yeah. And I think the purpose.
53:57
Of this was to just be a funny short Christmas themed thing and
54:00
I like that I like a shorter themed.
54:02
Book. Anything for Halloween or
54:04
Christmas that's short. Yeah, just get to the point.
54:06
Don't fuck me around. Yes, that's why I like.
54:08
Do you know what I? Like this better than the last
54:10
Christmas one we read. The weird that one was.
54:13
Definitely. Funnier because there's so much
54:15
graphic sex, especially with her jacking.
54:19
Off with the dolls. Wait.
54:22
What? Remember?
54:23
Oh shit, I'm. Thinking of the.
54:25
Other one. So have we done 4 Christmases
54:28
already? I think so.
54:29
Holy shit. I'm thinking about.
54:31
The one where they. Do like the Christmas games and
54:33
the I was thinking the. Last one we did was the
54:36
threesome 1 when she picked him up from the airport.
54:40
Oh holy shit. We've done.
54:42
Four. That's even crazier.
54:45
That's insane, I remember that book.
54:47
Is the one I realise that. And Credence is more fucked
54:51
because I didn't think about the fact that their penises rub
54:56
together in a threesome, right. I didn't think about that until
54:59
that book, and it was very heavily noted in that book.
55:02
And then I was like, oh, the brothers and Credence.
55:05
Yeah, yes, yeah. Damn I.
55:08
Can't believe we've done this for four years.
55:11
Are we OK? No.
55:12
Oh, Oh my gosh. Wow, I can't believe our next
55:17
one's going to be our lose. The plotties it's.
55:21
Going to be the. Plotties that's.
55:22
Insane. I feel like what the fuck did we
55:25
even read this year? I have no.
55:29
I feel like we've read less this year.
55:31
Yeah. It's been a busy, awky gap,
55:33
yeah. Because I had so many in the
55:36
pipeline to edit that I never could.
55:37
And then I just couldn't do it. And then I, yeah, now we're
55:41
back. It is what it.
55:42
Is we're back. We're back, baby.
55:45
So what? Should we rate this one out of?
55:48
I don't know. I don't.
55:49
Know are we? Doing Christmas?
55:50
Related things related to anal. Related anal Something matching
55:54
ropes. Related Not matching ropes.
55:57
Something peppermint and anal. I don't know how to go with
56:01
that. Me, I got no thoughts.
56:03
Peppermint flavoured loom. Lubed up anal fingers out of
56:07
five. Three-year and a half.
56:09
Ooh, that's good. I gave.
56:11
It 4 because it was fucking hilarious.
56:12
It was so fucking funny and. It was just short.
56:14
Is it the best? Book I've.
56:16
Ever read? No, no, there's definitely far
56:19
better romances that I've probably judged harsher, right.
56:22
Yeah, but it was fun and it did hit just all the.
56:25
Generic marks. You have to listen to it.
56:28
One on audiobook hey, it's so much funnier audiobook, right?
56:32
Yeah, it's. Worth it just because his accent
56:34
and stuff is so fucking funny. Ridiculous.
56:37
Also the woman. Doing the accent as well.
56:40
Just as funny. Yeah, and why did they make the?
56:42
Woman say some of his dirty lines explain me there's.
56:46
So funny dirty lines with his weird accent but she was saying.
56:51
Some of it is hilarious. Good times.
56:54
It's a good Christmas book. Yeah, we read.
56:56
It apparently so that's window shopping, generational trauma,
57:00
sexual tension, and a man who fell in love instantly via
57:04
visual merchandising. Send this to a.
57:06
Friend who would. Absolutely fall for their boss
57:09
at the work Christmas party this year.
57:11
Thanks for joining us on Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily.
57:14
Don't forget to rate US five stars and subscribe if you
57:16
enjoyed slide into our DMS on TikTok or Instagram Lose the
57:20
Plot podcast.