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The Cage | The Trapped Wound Stole Your Key · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:01
  Good morning everyone. Welcome back to unlocking the
• 0:03
  Paradigm portal. My name is Sarah.
• 0:05
  I got a little bit of a late start this morning.
• 0:08
  Umm, I decided to sleep in. So I'm sitting here sipping my
• 0:11
  coffee and we're going to get into some fun imagery.
• 0:15
  All right, I want to start today by asking you something.
• 0:20
  When is the last time you let someone all the way in?
• 0:24
  I don't mean close or nearby, I mean all the way in to the real
• 0:28
  you, that unedited, unguarded, no performance version.
• 0:34
  The one that exists when nobody is watching and you've stopped
• 0:38
  managing how you come across. So for some of you, something
• 0:42
  came up immediately, a person, a moment, a specific memory of
• 0:45
  what it felt like to be fully known and fully loved at the
• 0:49
  same time. And for others, nothing came,
• 0:53
  just a quiet awareness that you can't quite remember the last
• 0:56
  time that happened, or maybe a little hint of a recognition
• 1:01
  that every time it got close, every time someone started to
• 1:05
  really see you, something happened, something ended and
• 1:09
  you moved on and told yourself it just wasn't right.
• 1:12
  So today we're talking about the trapped wound.
• 1:14
  And I want to say before we go anywhere near it, we are not
• 1:17
  moving in. We are not setting up camp.
• 1:20
  This is not your new home, we're going to name it, and then spend
• 1:23
  the rest of the episode with the part of you that never actually
• 1:26
  wanted to be alone in the 1st place.
• 1:29
  Because that's the part worth finding.
• 1:32
  So what does it look like? And we did dive into this in a
• 1:36
  previous episode, but we were focusing on the wound in its
• 1:38
  presentation. We're going to zip through that
• 1:41
  and then get to the kiddo who built that wound and lives
• 1:44
  inside of it. So the trapped wound is the
• 1:47
  sneakiest one we've covered all week because it doesn't keep
• 1:50
  people out the way the unsafe wound does.
• 1:52
  It lets them in and it lets things get good and it lets
• 1:56
  someone get close enough to matter.
• 1:59
  And then right at the threshold, that point, we're being truly
• 2:03
  known as the only way forward. And vulnerability is required
• 2:07
  where you can't keep presenting the perfected version of you
• 2:11
  because the real 1 is the only thing that fits through the
• 2:14
  door. From here on, the wound
• 2:16
  manufacturers and exit right in that moment, the flaw is
• 2:20
  suddenly magnified, or a conflict escalates faster than
• 2:24
  it should, or a reason, a very convincing, very real feeling
• 2:29
  reason to end. It appears.
• 2:32
  And from the inside it feels like clarity, like finally
• 2:35
  seeing clearly, like wisdom. But look at the pattern.
• 2:40
  Not this relationship, the pattern.
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  How many times have you gotten to that threshold and found a
• 2:45
  reason to leave? And how many connections burned
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  right at the point where real intimacy was the next required
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  step? That's the trapped wound.
• 2:57
  That's what it looks like. And now we're done talking about
• 2:59
  it because here's who I actually want to talk about today.
• 3:05
  The child in the cage. If you remember or go back and
• 3:10
  listen to the trapped wound episode.
• 3:12
  I recorded that a lot and it my throat kept clogging up.
• 3:16
  And as you can see, it's doing it again.
• 3:18
  But unlike last time, I am not going to record this 8000 times.
• 3:22
  So you're going to have to deal. So we're going to do a little
• 3:26
  practice for a second. I want you to close your eyes if
• 3:29
  you can, or just go inward, go somewhere quiet inside of
• 3:32
  yourself. And picture a child sitting by a
• 3:35
  fire. And the fire is warm and it's
• 3:39
  real, and it's been burning for as long as that child can
• 3:42
  remember. But around the fire and around
• 3:46
  that child, surrounding all of it, there are bars, a cage.
• 3:51
  And the child is sitting with their back to the fire, not
• 3:54
  facing it, not warming themselves by it, back to the
• 3:59
  warmth. And the cage is positioned so
• 4:01
  that people walking by can see the glow.
• 4:04
  Just enough. Just enough to make them
• 4:06
  curious, to make them stop, and to make them press their hands
• 4:11
  against the bars and try to find a way in to get closer.
• 4:16
  And the child sees them and they want them to get through.
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  They want the company so badly it aches.
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  And then right when someone gets close enough that child
• 4:27
  manufacturers a reason they shouldn't be there, they find a
• 4:30
  flaw in the person, they decide they're not safe, and they burn
• 4:34
  the bridge before anyone can cross it.
• 4:38
  And then they stand and watch them walk away.
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  And they turn back to the bars alone, cold, sitting with their
• 4:47
  back to their own fire. And they tell themselves, see,
• 4:51
  everyone leaves. But they didn't leave.
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  They couldn't get in. And that child, that part of you
• 4:58
  that built the cage and pulled the door shut and has been
• 5:01
  sitting alone in there for longer than you can remember, is
• 5:05
  not OK with being alone. They've never been OK with it.
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  They built the cage in a moment of pain and then got so used to
• 5:13
  it that alone started to feel like just the way things are.
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  But it's not the way things are. It's the way the wound made
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  things. And that child has been holding
• 5:24
  the key to the cage door in their hand this entire time.
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  They just forgot it was there. So we're going to remind them.
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  We're going to remind you that that key is in your own hand.
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  So what does that child actually want?
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  Because it's so far removed from your actual real life right now.
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  You might have forgotten. So here's what I want you to
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  really feel into right now. That part of you, the 1 sitting
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  in the cage with her back to the fire, What do they actually
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  want? I give you permission as a mom.
• 6:01
  I give you permission and I give that child inside of you
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  permission to ask yourself that. What does that kid actually
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  want? Just feel into it.
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  Don't think into it. Feel into it.
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  Not what the wound wants and not what the pattern produces.
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  What does that child actually genuinely in the place beneath
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  all the defenses and all the exit strategies and all the burn
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  bridges? What do they want?
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  Because I guarantee if you think of any child, you know the last
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  thing they want is to be alone. And you probably haven't allowed
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  yourself to think about what you truly want.
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  So I'm just going to tell you. They want someone to come sit by
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  the fire with them. That's it.
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  That's the whole thing. They want company.
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  They want warmth shared instead of hoarded.
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  They want someone to come through the door and settle in
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  and stay, not because they performed correctly or gave
• 7:03
  enough or created themselves into something acceptable, but
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  just because they're here by this amazing fire and the fire
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  is real and warm and worth sitting next to.
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  They want to turn around and face the fire instead of keeping
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  their back to it because their chest has gotten so cold.
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  Their face has gotten so cold they want to actually feel the
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  warmth instead of just guarding it.
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  They want to tell stories by firelight, and to laugh and to
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  be known and to have someone see the full fire, the specific,
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  particular, completely unrepeatable way it burns and
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  stay anyway. That's what got buried under the
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  trapped wound, not the desire for connection.
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  You never lost that. If anything, the wound proves
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  how much you want it by how hard it works to protect you from it.
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  What got buried was the belief that letting someone all the way
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  in was survivable, and that being fully known and fully
• 8:07
  loved at the same time was actually possible for you.
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  That's what is buried under mountains of the wounds.
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  So that child in the cage still believes it.
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  Underneath all the exits in the bars and the burn bridges, they
• 8:22
  still believe it. They wouldn't keep pressing
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  their face against the bars, watching people approach if they
• 8:28
  didn't. They're still hoping they've
• 8:31
  just forgotten they're holding the key.
• 8:34
  So how do you get back to them? How do you reach the part of you
• 8:38
  that's been sitting alone in that cage, back to the fire,
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  holding the key? Without knowing it, you start by
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  turning around before the door, before the key, before anyone
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  else gets anywhere near the cage.
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  You turn around inside yourself, and you face the fire.
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  You let it warm you. Not for anyone else, for you,
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  for that child who has been cold for so long they've forgotten
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  what warm feels like. And you sit with them for a
• 9:07
  minute. You feel what they feel.
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  The longing underneath the defenses, the hope underneath
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  the pattern, the ache for someone to come and just stay.
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  And then you notice the next time you're at that threshold,
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  you'll know it because it will feel like clarity, like suddenly
• 9:27
  seeing a flaw you didn't see before, like a very convincing
• 9:30
  reason to go. And you say to that child, I see
• 9:34
  what you're doing, I know why, and I'm not leaving this time.
• 9:39
  Also balancing out that adult mind of is this actually a
• 9:44
  problem? Is this actually someone worth
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  leaving? Or am I just scared?
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  That's a line that you have to sit with and recognize because
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  sometimes it is worth leaving and sometimes it's the wound
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  rising up. You got to learn to
• 10:00
  differentiate and that takes discernment.
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  So when you tell that child I'm not leaving this time, when
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  you've decided that this is someone that loves me, that is
• 10:11
  good and I'm just scared, you choose not to leave.
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  Not because it's not scary, it totally is, but because that
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  child has been alone in that cage long enough, and the key
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  has been in their hand long enough, and the fire has been
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  warming their back instead of their face for long enough.
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  You don't have to fling the door open.
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  You don't have to let the whole world in.
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  You just have to turn around and feel the warmth and look at the
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  key in your hand and decide maybe today is the day someone
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  gets to come sit by this fire. The child in the cage was never
• 10:47
  asking for perfect. They were never asking for
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  guaranteed. They were just asking for
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  someone to try. And they've been waiting a very
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  long time for you to let them. So the trapped wound convinced
• 10:59
  you that the exit was protection, that burning the
• 11:02
  bridge before they could push you off.
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  It was wisdom. But that child sitting alone in
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  the cage with her back to their own fire, they were never OK
• 11:11
  with it. They built the bars and a moment
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  of pain and they didn't build them to live in.
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  So turn around, face the fire, feel the warmth you've been
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  denying yourself. Look at the key in your hand.
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  And when you're ready, let someone in to share the fire.
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  They've been waiting by the bars longer than you know.
• 11:32
  And stay tuned because Friday, tomorrow, I'm going to do one
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  more episode. I'm going to take a break on
• 11:40
  Saturday because I'm going to bring something super special
• 11:44
  for Sunday. I'm going to interview my
• 11:47
  magical Unicorn 14 year old Quinn, and I'm going to talk to
• 11:53
  her and her child because even though she's 14, she has a
• 11:57
  little one inside of her too, a younger version.
• 12:00
  And I'm going to do my damnedest to try to get my son to talk to
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  because that would be super cool.
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  So my inner child is going to commune with my children.
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  I'm pretty excited about it. I have no idea where we're going
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  to go, but I'm going to be mapping that out as soon as I'm
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  done with this. So kick ass on this Thursday
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  morning. I don't know how it is where you
• 12:22
  are. It is dreary and rainy and I
• 12:25
  have nothing today besides being wrapped under blankets, letting
• 12:30
  my inner child come plays. I keep writing this book that
• 12:33
  I'm working on, so leave me some comments like share hype,
• 12:37
  subscribe, I don't know all the things, whatever.
• 12:39
  Just keep coming back and let me know what you're going through
• 12:42
  as you're listening to this. I would love to be a part of it.
• 12:45
  I will be back tomorrow.