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Healing from Addiction and Transforming Your Relationship with Yourself with Kathryn Sauser · Reclaiming Consciousness

0:00
SPEAKER_01: You can't just give up alcohol and do nothing.
0:02
SPEAKER_01: You gotta give up alcohol and replace it with something else.
0:04
SPEAKER_01: First it was the super, super skinny, and now it's the big hips, and now it's big boobs.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, it's fucking wild.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: You can love and accept your body where it's at, but still be excited for where it's to go.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reclaiming Consciousness.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: My name is Elise Bassine, spiritual mentor, breathwork practitioner, and owner and CEO of Elise Breeds.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: For many years, our consciousness has been hijacked by societal and cultural programming, religion, the media, and familial and ancestral trauma.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: Right now, during this epic time in history, people are waking up, realizing who they really are, and reclaiming the pieces of their consciousness that they unknowingly gave away.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: This podcast is an exploration of how so many spectacular humans are leading the way in exiting the matrix and reclaiming who they really are and what they're capable of.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: In this show, you'll meet exceptional people who are paving the way in raising consciousness and creating a new way of living on this earth.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: Get ready to go deep.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: Now let's dive in.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone, welcome back to the show.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: So this week, I absolutely love the guest that we have.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: She's someone I met in the very beginning of my career in starting my business.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, we were in a coaching container together and then we started collaborating.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: She is a fitness coach and sobriety coach and really just awesome, amazing businesswoman.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: And you're just gonna love her personality.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: We have Kat Sauser on the show today.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: And um, she just vulnerably shares her story of trauma and healing and how she ended up being in recovery, becoming sober, and building the business that she built.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: We talk about her ancestral trauma, her family trauma, and how she recovered from all of that.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: And I really know you're gonna love the episode and you're gonna love her.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: She's just such a great person to listen to.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't follow her, definitely check her out.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: We'll link her Instagram below and give her a follow.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: I think this episode is gonna drop um right after the holidays.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: So I hope everyone is feeling good after the holidays and had an amazing new year.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: So we have a lot going on over here at Elise Breeds.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: Stuff that you need to know about right now.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: Costa Rica.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: So I know at this point everyone's thinking about okay, what is my 2023 gonna look like?
2:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, Costa Rica could be a big part of your 2023.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: We are filling up.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: We were written up in Women's Health magazine as being one of the top 11 retreats to look out for in 2023.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: So if you would like to join us, definitely reach out to me as soon as possible because uh spots are filling.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: And um that is April 1 to 8, 2023, in Costa Rica, in the Osa Peninsula, where I will be leading you through transformational breath work, energy work, and healing.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: And then my good friend and world-renowned yoga teacher Simon Park will be leading you through yoga and Thai massage.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: So it's gonna be quite profound.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: It's the best surfing in the world.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: It's the beautiful jungle right on the beach, an eco-lodge, beautifully prepared locally sourced meals.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: Like it's everything, you guys.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be total magic.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: So um, reach out to me to get the details.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: You can also just go to my website and there's a button right on the home page that is linked to the retreat.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: And then also my four-week program, The High Priestess, starts January 10th.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: And that is four weeks with me, where we activate the energy of the high priestess within you.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to embody your powerful queen energy in 2023, where you command the universe to rearrange itself to match your desires, this is the place you want to be because this is gonna activate you.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: It's short, it's sweet, it's powerful, and it's gonna activate you into your power like nothing else.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: This is a frequency that I channel and it's going to be um activated within you so that you can embody it in a completely new way in 2023 and apply it to your business, your relationships, every single aspect of your life.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: Because the more you hold that queen energy, that commanding energy, the energy of the priestess who knows how to magically conjure and draw energy to her in the way she desires.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: The more you hold that, the more things are just going to show up in your life that are a match for what you truly desire and for your highest timeline.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: So reach out to me about that.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: And then also, quantum mastery is starting at the end of January.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: And this is like getting a PhD in energy.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: It is my program where I really teach you how to master the quantum field so that you can create the results you desire through your own energy.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: Because we all know that we manifest with our energy.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: You draw to you what is an energetic match for the energy you're putting out.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: So, in this program, I'm gonna show you how to switch your energy so that you become a match for that which you desire.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: And I've had my clients create so many amazing results and change so many things in their lives just by shifting their energy.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna show you how we do that in this program.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: And the cool thing about this program too is you also get two one-on-one sessions with me, along with eight weeks of group calls, energy work, frequency upgrades, breath work, like it's everything, you guys.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: So this is really potent, really powerful, and will make a big impact in a short amount of time.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: Plus, those two one-on-one calls you get with me are life-changing because I'll help you clear whatever's holding you back from really potently and powerfully harnessing your own energy to manifest.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: So uh, you can find more about that on my website and sign up there or reach out to me with any questions.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: We are still in early bird pricing for that.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, reach out to me.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: I will leave you here.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm sending you so much love and enjoy the episode.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: Hi, everyone, welcome back to the show.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: So I'm super excited for today's guest.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: She is someone that I met in the very beginning of my journey.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: And just like watching each other grow has been truly amazing and supporting each other and all of that.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: So, today we have Katherine Sauser with us, who's an online fitness and sober conscious mindset coach.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: And I'm really excited to have her here.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: So, welcome to the show, Kat.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Hi, Elisa.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: I am so excited to be on the show.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: And it's so funny.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: We have really watched each other grow.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: I was like picturing myself when I was living in Bali and I met you and signed up for Jocelyn's course.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh my God, we have changed so much.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: I know it's so true.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: So I'd love for you to share just a little bit about your story and kind of how you got to where you are now.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, I think we might need like a 50-hour podcast, but I'll try to do a little like feel.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: So I know it's such a weird question.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: It's a great one though.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, long story short, I grew up in a small town called Dubuque, Iowa, really, really small town.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: And I grew up with an alcoholic father.
7:59
SPEAKER_01: And so my childhood was really, really extremely toxic.
8:03
SPEAKER_01: And my first way of escaping was alcohol.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: And once, you know, alcohol hit my lips, it definitely was my safety blanket to say.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: And then, long story short, you know, dad passed away from alcoholism when I was 21.
8:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm 33.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, that really skyrocketed my drinking and usage and total self-abuse.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: All the cities, you know, I went from one city to the next city to the next city, and it's like I came with me.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, which is crazy.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: That always happens.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: It's like if you don't do the work, you know, you come with you.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: So long story short, Vegas, it was Chicago.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: I was an accountant to Vegas, to LA, to Canada, to New York, to Bali, you know, now back to Miami.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: And basically it was just like the same story in each city where I was just riddled with anxiety and fear, total disassociation, completely out of my body, like, you know, on top of that, using drugs and alcohol.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, my healing journey really started when I got to New York.
9:11
SPEAKER_01: And I was kind of like at that point in my life where I was like, all right, you know, things are going a little well.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: I've always been very, a very hard worker and very goal-oriented.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: And I definitely was like a quote unquote functioning alcoholic, where like my drinking usage was mostly just on the weekend and they were like crazy binges, but I always had this drive to like prove myself to the world.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: So like my motives were always, you know, like get it, have a nice business.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: And also keep in mind, too, like I didn't have the support system of family to give me funds.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: So like I kind of like had to figure it out on my own.
9:45
SPEAKER_01: And so when I got to, I left my ex in Canada and moved to New York, I was like, oh my God, like, because we my life was basically revolved around him.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: And I knew drinking was an issue, but I I knew that there was something else because I joined ACA, which is adult children of alcoholics, and I was seeing a therapist and we were doing inner child, but like doing that, and like I know you can totally like understand what I'm about to say.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, you're doing that and like you're bringing up the past, like you're like resurfacing shit that's been like deep in your soul like for years, and you know, you would use alcohol to cope.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: And like that actually made my alcohol increase and my drug usage increase because I did not know to how how to handle my emotions.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't parented, I wasn't taught like what emotions are, what boundaries are, what codependency is, like anything like that.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: So when I started the therapy, it was so overwhelming that the alcohol, like, I was crazy.
10:45
SPEAKER_01: It was just went to the extremes.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: And I realized then that I was like, okay, like I need to put myself in a recovery program.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: I put myself in a recovery program because I was like, okay, like I can't do this anymore.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm 30 years old.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: It's not freaking cute anymore.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm going out, partying, sleeping with strangers, and so-called this like superstar fitness girl on Instagram.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, total felt like dishonesty.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
11:09
SPEAKER_01: I even talk about like how I hated alcohol.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: I hated it, but I couldn't stop.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: Joined a recovery program in New York, and then I accidentally landed in Bali for 18 months, which was, you know, accidentally.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, I was doing a fitness retreat because I used to own a company called Jetin Flex, and I had a big uh women's retreat and God source higher power.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: Things just kind of like led to wanting another COVID hit, and I decided to stay because I met a sober mentor down there, and I knew that like if I left, I would drink again, and I really needed to be like completely out of the materialistic world because I was so sensitive to that.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: Like a lot of my self-worth was based around fancy things, nice purses, you know, rich guys.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: And so I felt the second I got to Bali, I was like, wow, that was like a totally different world.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: And I just immersed myself.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: I had one suitcase to my name.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: I spent so much time in the ocean and just focusing on recovery.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: And I did a ton of healing down there, like not just recovery, but like breath work, like what you do, like super, super deep energy work, like that just like shook me to the core.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: And I really needed that the surrounding of Bali to like, you know, just make me feel safe.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: When you're if you ever go to Bali, you're like, you'll feel it.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: It's like a very motherly energy.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: And I just like kept going until I, you know, felt like I needed to leave.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: And now I'm in Miami and my whole entire life business, everything has changed.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: It's so funny when you go with the flow and you just do the next right thing and keep reaching for more.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: Like everything changes and you would never expect it.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: It's like now I'm helping so many women online, you know, work through their relationship with alcohol as well as their body.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's all together.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: Everything's together, relationship with men, body, all of it's together.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: And now here I am.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Here I am.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's been like such a freaking roller coaster, but I've never been this happy and this content in like in my life.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: It's like actually a miracle.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's so amazing.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: But you had always been doing fitness, right?
13:27
SPEAKER_00: Like before you got sober, you were doing fitness.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: Like that's where you kind of started career-wise.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: So when I was living in Canada with my ex, when I first started dating him, we were party animals.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: We were going out, like buying Dom Perion, like, you know what I mean?
13:43
SPEAKER_01: Just like living that lavish lifestyle.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: And our relationship was going to shit, you know, because we were both drunk and like saying things we don't mean.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: And there was fighting and arguing.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: And like, I just knew in my soul, like, I hated how alcohol made me feel the next day.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: I would do drugs as well.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: So that on top of that, our relationship is really, really suffering.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I gotta stop drinking.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: But I knew that like I couldn't just like I tell all my clients this you can't just give up alcohol and do nothing.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: You gotta give up alcohol and replace it with something else.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: Little things here and there.
14:14
SPEAKER_01: And fitness was so big for me.
14:17
SPEAKER_01: So I signed up for a bodybuilding competition and I won.
14:21
SPEAKER_01: And then I was like, wow, like, you know, this is great.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: Like I love how I I love how I feel, I love how I look, but alcohol and drugs were still a huge part of my story.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: I was the girl who would work out all during the week and then on the weekends get blacked out for days and then do it again.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: And you know, that was from 2016, 17, 18, 19.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Still really successful in my career.
14:46
SPEAKER_01: I was doing fitness challenges.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking like hundreds of girls would sign up for these.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: And I just looked literally at my life and I was like, my career is taking off.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like shit 50% of the time.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, what's the one thing that's stopping me from like literally getting everything I want?
15:06
SPEAKER_01: And also, like, my relationship with guys drinking was horrific.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: Like, I went on so many dates in New York City, like blacked out, falling out of restaurants, like you know, falling on the street, bleeding, just like a disaster.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, all right, like if I want to fall in love, if I want to have a great career, and I had all these desires, I can't drink.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: I just can't.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
15:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for sharing all of that.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: I know.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I know you it's part of your story, but still, it's a vulnerable thing to share, you know, and and being in that place.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting because I know there are so many people that are kind of like you said, like a functioning alcoholic where like you're able to still do all of the things, but then you're also doing that.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: But I know there's a point that it just has to catch up with you.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: And it sounds like you kind of were seeing it too, is through the lens of relationships where you were getting involved in these relationships that weren't obviously good for you or in your highest good or whatever.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: But the way I see that too, and I know you know this, is also just a reflection of your relationship with yourself, right?
16:16
SPEAKER_00: And if you're treating yourself poorly through drugs and alcohol or whatever else, then obviously your relationships with other people are not going to be good either, which I'm sure you realize.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: So, what was like the hardest thing for you about making that change, like about getting sober?
16:35
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what's so crazy is that the day that I stopped drinking was like it's so hard to explain because the night I went out of my last drink, like I really truly believe like my soul was done.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: Like I went out with a fucking bang.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: Like I did some crazy shit, lost my phone, don't remember if I slept with a guy or not.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: Like, and the next day I just knew I was done.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't hard in that moment.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: I think leading up to that was like very scary because my whole identity was wrapped around that.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: Like I went out with my friends a lot.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: I loved partying, I loved going out, I loved being social.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: And I think the thing is like I knew if I stopped drinking, like I would really have to avoid certain places.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: Like, definitely can't be in a nightclub.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: No chance, first year of sobriety.
17:24
SPEAKER_01: That was hard, but I also think the hardest, the biggest thing now thinking about it, is facing the shit that was under alcohol.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: Right.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: You know, like if you take the alcohol out, get ready to feel.
17:35
SPEAKER_01: Like I felt like my skin was inside out.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, even on Instagram, like you would look at me.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: If you go look at me from 2016 to 2020, like I looked good, I looked happy, you know.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: I I think too, because like I wasn't really conscious, you know, like in my body, I was still managing life on that like fear base.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: And so then when you get sober, you literally feel you're like there.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: You have to feel your shit.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: You can't do anything, you know.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh my god, I never felt the feelings that I felt.
18:07
SPEAKER_01: So that was really the hardest part, the scariest part of choosing.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I know that if I choose this, like I'm gonna have to go through some serious spiritual warfare.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, it's it's interesting, and I know we talked about this when I was on your show, is I truly believe, and I know you agree with me, is that alcoholism is a symptom.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's a disease, and I think it's a symptom of a deeper trauma, and it's the way that we cope with the trauma.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: And I know you know this.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: So, like, what were some of the biggest things that you had to face, if you don't mind sharing?
18:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know me.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, when it comes to sharing my story, like this past year, I am so matter-of-fact.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: Like when I talk about my past because I've done all the forgiveness work, like I feel like I'm talking about a different person.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: That's been like so helpful too, and like just sharing my story.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: And I know that people fear and they're afraid that they'll never forgive themselves.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: But I know that if I share my story as very matter of fact, I can help people.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so I think that's like a huge thing.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: But okay, like wow.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: Each month of my sobriety, like I was faced with something new, and it's quite interesting because you like think you got it, and then like the universe is like, no, you don't.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: Always, yeah.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: So the beginning of sobriety was mostly focusing on my dad's passing.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think I like truly, truly, truly repressed that.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, of course, I would cry like drinking and stuff.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: I actually cried every single time I drank about my dad.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: And so when I got sober, it was like I remember specifically laying in my villa in Bali, and it was a day, his anniversary of his passing.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: I've never wailed like that in my life.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, I was sober, I was on my knees, like I felt his presence, like I was freaking wailing.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: Going through his passing, going through my childhood abuse with verbally and physically was really big one for me.
20:05
SPEAKER_01: My relationship with my mother, like you know, this stuff was like holy shit.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: I saw my whole entire childhood trauma was revolved around my dad.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: It's actually was really seriously revolved around my mother.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: And so that was a hard thing because you know, when you get sober too, like your perspective changes about your past.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: You can see things more clearly.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: You're putting the puzzle pieces together, not in a way to like try to figure things out, but when you do go through the healing process, you're seeing things and you're like finding more clarity around your past.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: And that was a huge one for me.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: And then really going into the sexual trauma was so hard for me.
20:43
SPEAKER_01: I was a very promiscuous girl drinking.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: Men, I definitely would call myself like a sex love fantasy addict, and I did a ton of work around this, so I would call myself a recovered sex and love fantasy addict.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: I think actually this is the root stem of my drinking.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: So when I was a really young girl, like I found masturbation like so early.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: And I slept with guys at the age of 14.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: And then when I had sex the first time, like since then, like I've had so many partners.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: Every single time I would drink, I would sleep with someone.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: And I think I was just so like yearning for that love and to be loved that my true, true underneath the booze was that I used like my sexuality at a very, very young age to get attention.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: And I think like going through that and the shame, and like you know, when you're you look back at all how you've acted in your addiction, like, oh my god, it's like I wanted to die.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: I wanted to literally die of how much shame and guilt I had.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: I felt like no one would love me.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: I felt gross, I felt like a whore, I felt disgusting.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: Like, and that was the hardest thing for me to do, but I didn't.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Really start working through that until like this year.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: Because as you grow like in sobriety, it's not linear.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: It's like one thing and then the next thing.
22:09
SPEAKER_01: You know, I was food was a huge portion, but that part this past year from January to probably like June, I went deep hardcore into that area where like the seeking validation, the seeking attention, why am I sleeping with guys I don't like?
22:27
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm sober.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, why don't I know how to say no?
22:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm sober.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm sober.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: I should know this stuff.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: And now, like doing that this past year was so hard for me.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: I felt like honestly, I went through like a withdrawal, the same as I did with booze, which is quite interesting.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Just like no contact with men.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: And that has transformed my life.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: And I'm actually curious to hear what you think about that.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Well, I have so many questions because I want to like pry deeper into this.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: I just wrote down a bunch of stuff because I do think this is really interesting.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: And I'm in, well, first of all, I do think that's another addiction.
23:08
SPEAKER_00: And like I say, addiction is just a coping mechanism.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: And there's layers to it because a lot of times, you know, once we take away the alcohol, then, you know, we've replaced the addiction with something else.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: And I know, like you said, it's great to replace it with something like going to the gym or something that's actually good for you.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: And we can do that, but it also might reveal another layer of it, right?
23:34
SPEAKER_00: Which is what it sounds like happened for you.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: And I'm interested to know from your perspective and having done the work around this, what do you feel like is the wounding that created that sex love fantasy addiction?
23:52
SPEAKER_00: Like, do you feel like that was around your father?
23:54
SPEAKER_00: Or I know you brought up your mom too.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: Have you pinpointed what that is?
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm really curious to know.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: I think it's a lot of things.
24:03
SPEAKER_01: I think growing up in my home, there was so much fighting, but there was a lot of fighting around body shaming.
24:12
SPEAKER_01: And I think, you know, like my mom has is still, you know, comments on my weight and things.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: And I think not wanting to be in reality, somehow I found my female body part and like found a way to escape.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, I'm so crazy.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, even in like the sixth grade, I like went to Walmart and like bought thongs and like had them hanging out.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: I just like knew somehow it was gonna get some sort of attention.
24:42
SPEAKER_01: Right.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't really know exactly what the pinpoint is.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: You know, I did have some issues with my neighbor.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: There was some little little things going on with the neighbor girl.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: I still don't really understand it, and I still don't really know what exactly happened, but that was like really, really young.
25:02
SPEAKER_01: And so I I always kind of think it's somewhere around there, but I'm not sure.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: I think it's a lot of things on top of a lot of things.
25:10
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's interesting.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'd love to dive into this further with you, not on the podcast.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: There's so many things.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: I know, and and this is like the most fascinating stuff to me, right?
25:21
SPEAKER_00: I love diving into this stuff.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: And the thing that really stuck out to me that you said is like wanting to escape, right?
25:28
SPEAKER_00: And and one thing I know just from a childhood development perspective, and also, you know, my years as a school counselor, what is really common for kids is they do develop fantasy worlds, right?
25:41
SPEAKER_00: Like if what they're dealing with is too much for them to cope with.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: And especially with someone like you who's super sensitive, super empathetic, and super tuned in, all that chaos around you, and then also like the criticism and the focus on your body, all that seems like it could lead to like this kind of escapism fantasy world.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: Cause that's definitely a thing that kids do.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: Like I would see it most often with if kids had a parent that left, they would have this fantasy that they were coming back at some point.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: Like they had this story that they would tell about, you know, when they were coming back.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: And it's sad, but it's like it's a thing that kids do.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: So I think that that is definitely related to what you said.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: Cause it's like if you have this life that is too hard for you to cope with, you it's so easy to go into like this fantasy world.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: So, and I and I the other thing I'd be really interested to know too is where this is related down the ancestral line, could like meaning, was this something that your mother went through or anyone on your father's side, or you know what I mean?
26:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, because this didn't just start with you.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: You know what's so crazy is that you nailed it.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: So so many people think like sex addiction is sex.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, I in almost all of my sex experiences, I've never orgasmed.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's never been about that.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: It's always been about either one, the chase to get it there and like for them to like me and love me back, or like, you know, get the attention back, like finally get it, and or just the approval.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: It has really truly nothing to do with the sex for me.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: So exactly, I think the sex, the sexual part has nothing to do with it, but it's so weird to like this truly is what kind of happened to me if you really think about it.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: Like growing up, you're watching all of these Disney movies on the prince coming to save you.
27:44
SPEAKER_01: I watched Pretty Woman at way too young of an age.
27:47
SPEAKER_01: I pretended I was Julia Roberts jumping on a bed all the time.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: And I swear, and like I think the fantasy was a man is going to come and save me.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: That's always been my thing.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, even through all like the 15 years of my drinking, it was I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna find someone to come and save me.
28:06
SPEAKER_01: Like it's always, always been that.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: And the fantasy is the true addiction.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: So, like you're meeting someone and you're you're picturing being with them, and you're literally like creating a relationship that's in your head that's not even real.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: It's like crazy.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: And so, what happened was like long story short, and like going into this past year where I really did a lot of work around validation, love addiction, you know, avoidance, and all of these things that it truly was stemming from me not wanting to be in my body.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: It was another form of escapism.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: And I would literally go out in Lola Land.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: I've been in Lola Land until like this last year.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: Like, seriously.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, I mean, because it's a coping mechanism, and and also, you know, exactly what you said, it's a way of receiving that love, connection, validation, approval that you didn't experience growing up.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: It's a dopamine hit.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, totally.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: Like it's a full-on dopamine hit.
29:08
SPEAKER_01: And like I've been doing so many like research around this because you know, I like love this stuff.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: It's like so interesting to me.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: Like, I love digging into this.
29:17
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, like I honestly, like this past year, like I realized like I've been focusing on like my dopamine hits, like yeah, you know, going to the gym, looking sexy, like some guy notices you, like, oh my god, I have a dopamine hit.
29:29
SPEAKER_01: So I've been trying to like do less of that.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: Being someone who has a history like mine, the less dopamine hits for me is the better, you know.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: So trying to not seek that validation, especially like, for example, I have a sober dating plan.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: I have a full sober dating plan.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: It's step one, step two, step three, okay?
29:50
SPEAKER_01: Because I have to follow this plan.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: And one of them is not to flirt with any guys I'm not interested in.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: Like, huge, you know.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: So I think that there's so many areas with this dopamine, and it's not just drugs and alcohol.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, it's not.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: Get my mom's approval as a kid, I would get a dopamine hit, or my dad's approval, I would get a dopamine hit.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: I think it's called like intermittent reinforcement or something.
30:12
SPEAKER_01: You probably know the word where they like, you know, sometimes they reward you and sometimes they don't.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: And so when you're waiting for the reward, you're like waiting, and then once you get it, it's like, whoa, so much dopamine.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I had this guy, Ronnie Landis, on the podcast a while ago, and he does this whole like dopamine reset thing where he like helps you reset your dopamine receptors because all of ours are like super fucked up from like just the society we live in.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: Finally, yeah, you should go back and listen to his episode on the podcast.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: And anyone who's not who hasn't listened to it yet.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: I really do believe that anything can become an addiction.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: It just so happens, you know, obviously with drugs and alcohol, it's much more prominent in the sense that it can really like ruin your life, you know, and not that other things can't.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, people have shopping addictions that ruin their lives, you know what I mean?
31:05
SPEAKER_00: Like it really be anything that you're using in an unhealthy way to not deal with feeling something like a wound or a trauma, that's an addiction.
31:19
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like it can show up in any way.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: And the other thing I just wanted to go back to that you mentioned that I think is so important for people to understand is like when you talked about that like Disney fantasy of like waiting for someone to save us, like that's something that I think is so unconsciously programmed into us that it's something that everyone needs to look at, not only, you know, someone who is getting sober or whatever, but anybody.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: Because I know for me, I felt that fantasy too for a long time.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: Like before I started my business and I was a school counselor for so long, and like I could see that I was only ever going to make like a certain amount of money, but I had this fantasy that like my husband was gonna be the one who like saved me and we would be fine because of him.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: And like once I actually let that go and put that to bed, that's when my life really started working.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: But like, you don't even realize that you're doing that.
32:19
SPEAKER_00: And I think so many people have that savior complex, whether you're projecting it onto a partner or whatever, that we really need to dismantle and look at.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Cause that's something that's so huge that can hold you back in whatever way.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: I mean, for you, it was just particularly with wanting somebody to love you and thinking that when you found a man, then that's what was gonna save you and you didn't have to really like work on yourself or do your own thing.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: But I think a lot of people get into that.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to highlight that because I think that's really important.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: I had that story.
32:55
SPEAKER_01: When I was living in LA, my ex literally saved me.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: I was in a really dark, dark time.
33:01
SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing: it doesn't work because the relationship was so toxic.
33:07
SPEAKER_01: I've made basically made him like my parent.
33:09
SPEAKER_01: Because when you look for someone to save you, then you think that they're gonna take care of you emotionally, physically, mentally, all of the things.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: And so that's also not fair, and the relationship can't sustain on that.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: And plus, like, even a true relationship, like now, doing all this work, like you have to be independently thriving, or it's just going to go to shit, or it's not even real connection because I just, you know, if I look back, like I really loved him, I still have a love for him, and I hope he's well.
33:34
SPEAKER_01: We do not speak, we haven't spoken in years.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: If we look at it, like the things that he had, I was basically using him.
33:41
SPEAKER_01: That's not fair.
33:42
SPEAKER_01: If you need someone else to be happy, you're kind of using them.
33:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's also classic codependency.
33:47
SPEAKER_01: For sure, a hundred percent.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: And I definitely don't want that type of relationship anymore.
33:53
SPEAKER_01: And it's like you think it's all like roses and butterflies.
33:56
SPEAKER_01: Once you get there, you're like, no, that's it's still not gonna work, you know.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: But no, and also like that is so disempowering to think that you need to have a relationship in order for your life to work or everything to be okay, because ultimately, and I always say this what we're really doing in like this healing work is we're healing the relationship with ourselves so that we can get to this place where we have a really healthy and loving relationship with ourselves.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: And then it becomes easy to have a relationship with other people, you know.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: Not that, let me just say, like, not that being in a long-term relationship is always easy because there, the whole point of it is to grow.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, you come at it from a very different perspective where you're able to take responsibility for your own emotions, your own experience versus blaming the other person or putting it on the other person to be in charge of your happiness.
34:57
SPEAKER_00: Like that just never works.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: So, the other thing I wanted to ask you about, because I know one of the things you really help a lot of women with is their relationship to food.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: And I know that was something that you struggled with also.
35:09
SPEAKER_00: Can you illuminate that for us or kind of give us your perspective on that?
35:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, hell yeah.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, here's the thing: like, I can only share from my experience.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I guess you would probably call an eating disorder an addiction too, you know?
35:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, a hundred percent.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: I had anorexia and bulimia for over 14 years, and I see this all the time.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: Even with my clients, with myself, it's growing up in a home where food is such a major topic, it can go both ways.
35:43
SPEAKER_01: Be sure to eat all the food on the plate, or make sure you save some for tomorrow.
35:47
SPEAKER_01: It's like this topic of food, either in scarcity, or you know, there's not enough money to have food.
35:53
SPEAKER_01: That's a huge one.
35:54
SPEAKER_01: And then commenting on your body, like my mom, her self-worth has always been around her weight.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, growing up in a home, you know, where your mom's self-worth is around her weight, and then she comments on your body.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: That's like always, wow, you're looking, you know, really thin, a little too thin.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: And then the next time you see her, it's like, you're looking a little overweight over there, you know.
36:18
SPEAKER_01: How much do you weigh now?
36:20
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, I've had lunch with her in LA when I lived there, and she's like, You're eating too fast, you're eating like a little piggy or cat.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: You way too much of your food.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: It was like a half of stuffed pepper.
36:30
SPEAKER_01: Like, seriously, even now, this happens.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: I came back from keep in mind before I say this stuff, my mom and I are in the best place ever.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, she just has some work to do around this area, and bless her.
36:40
SPEAKER_01: You know, she was very bullied as a child with her weight.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, some people just have had it happen to them and it comes to you.
36:48
SPEAKER_01: So I found acceptance.
36:50
SPEAKER_01: Like, even coming back home from Bali, like my clothes were sent to my mom's, like, I did not fit in the jeans because my butt grew as in fit.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: And she's like, Oh no, like you've gained a little weight.
37:00
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh my god, you know, like that's fucking crazy.
37:04
SPEAKER_01: So crazy.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: I hear so many stories.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: Every single client I work with around their relationship with body, it all stems from their childhood, but also society as well.
37:14
SPEAKER_01: First it was the super, super skinny, and now it's the big hips, and now it's big boobs.
37:19
SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, it's never good enough.
37:22
SPEAKER_01: And literally never good enough.
37:24
SPEAKER_01: It's like now it's this, and then now we gotta switch this, and now we're back to skinny.
37:27
SPEAKER_01: It's like fucking wild.
37:29
SPEAKER_01: But self-esteem is all based around my body.
37:32
SPEAKER_01: And so going into having low self-esteem, one is even your body, when you're starving itself, you're gonna binge at some point, and then you feel guilty for eating, and then you feel guilty for not eating.
37:45
SPEAKER_01: It's like this cycle over and over and over again.
37:49
SPEAKER_01: Just like healing this stuff is such a long time.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: But I think it's also about trusting the process.
37:57
SPEAKER_01: So, for an example, one of my clients is really struggling right now with her relationship with food because her first portion before working with me has been like gain weight.
38:08
SPEAKER_01: Like a coach will tell her to gain weight, you know, and then the next person will tell her, like, don't do this.
38:13
SPEAKER_01: And the next person's telling her to don't do that and do this, and all these things.
38:17
SPEAKER_01: Where when you meet someone like myself that's really focused on the client and not so much about all the clients as a whole, every client is individual, every client has their own story relationship with the food.
38:29
SPEAKER_01: It's creating a lifestyle plan that works for them, and then they trusting the process every single day.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: You know, they're like, oh wow, I don't have to starve myself to get fit.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: Or wow, I don't have to be in the gym every freaking day to get fit.
38:46
SPEAKER_01: Actually, doing that is reversing the results.
38:49
SPEAKER_01: So that's why I think so important if someone like has a serious relationship with food, with their body, is to find us a program that can really support and like debunking their belief patterns.
39:02
SPEAKER_01: And then also, of course, digging into their belief patterns.
39:04
SPEAKER_01: So, like, for example, every client that signs up, I have a very amazing food and body module that they go through all parts of their body, and they say, like, if they were ever like as a child bullied in that area of their body, like I was called zitty titties and like all these things that had acne on my chest.
39:22
SPEAKER_01: They write all of that stuff out how they were bullied, and then they have like this very beautiful ritual at the end that's like touching themselves, you know, really forgiving and saying affirmations and things like that, and also like going in and finding where these belief systems have stemmed from and also debunking them and creating new affirmations.
39:41
SPEAKER_01: But it's also you really need to have a support system with this because you need to have someone like myself or someone like you going through this stuff with them because if you can't help them shine the light on it, they're never gonna see it.
39:53
SPEAKER_01: They're never ever gonna see it.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: Right.
39:55
SPEAKER_01: I hope that kind of helps.
39:56
SPEAKER_01: I think there's just so much to that.
39:58
SPEAKER_01: And I think most people that get sober, the next thing is food, like mine was.
40:02
SPEAKER_01: But it's variety isn't linear.
40:04
SPEAKER_01: So when I got sober after, you know, year one, I worked on my relationship with food.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: I literally now never feel bad for the way I eat.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: But I think it's because over time I realized that my goals that I want, you know, my old beliefs and old ideas of how to get there, like don't work.
40:21
SPEAKER_01: They actually harm me.
40:23
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's helped me debunk over time that like it's safe to eat a pizza.
40:27
SPEAKER_01: It's all it's gonna be cool.
40:28
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
40:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you'll be fine.
40:30
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna be totally fucking fine.
40:33
SPEAKER_01: And also just not going with the fad diets and stuff because that stuff just gets you back into the same toxic cycle, and also not weighing yourself.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: I haven't weighed myself in years, huge one.
40:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, huge.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: I completely agree with that.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: And like, thanks for sharing all of that because that was really helpful.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: And I just wanna, I don't know that I've ever really shared my journey with this too, but I've had a huge journey with it.
40:56
SPEAKER_00: But I think what really got me into spirituality and going down the spiritual path and discovering breath work was because I was struggling with an eating disorder.
41:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was like at that time, it was really bad for me.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: Like I was really, really skinny.
41:12
SPEAKER_00: And it was really hard to get out of that.
41:15
SPEAKER_00: And also, like what you were talking about with the way that you grew up.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: And and again, like, and I always say this too, but just to remind people like this is not about blaming anyone.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't, I'm not blaming my parents.
41:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, but growing up, my parents, like my mom was always super thin.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: And like my parents would always talk shit about fat people, always make fun of people that were overweight, always.
41:39
SPEAKER_00: So that was something that kind of got like instilled in me, where I just automatically thought, like, oh, that's bad, that's wrong, and like I shouldn't be that way.
41:50
SPEAKER_00: And then when I was in high school, my dad made a comment to me that I had put on some weight, and it just kind of totally, for whatever it was that time in my life, it just kind of triggered something.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of what triggered me to start having issues with eating.
42:06
SPEAKER_00: And um, and you know, I've healed it for the most part, but it's still like it's something for me that it's still there.
42:13
SPEAKER_00: It's not like it doesn't run my life, but it comes up and I have to be like, oh no, we're not doing that.
42:20
SPEAKER_00: Not doing that, we're not doing that.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah.
42:24
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's also about like having the like you are such an amazing coach because you give tools that handles in the moment, and I think that's so important to receive as a client from a coach is coping skills to handle when you're having these thoughts in the moment.
42:40
SPEAKER_01: It's not like you know, you go through my module and you're like cured.
42:43
SPEAKER_01: Right.
42:44
SPEAKER_01: It's no, you go through this and you have awareness around it, and you're so right.
42:47
SPEAKER_01: Like, it's not blaming my dad for calling my mom a fat bitch all the time.
42:51
SPEAKER_01: It's not blaming my mom for you know what I mean?
42:53
SPEAKER_01: It's just not gonna do me any service by blaming.
42:57
SPEAKER_01: But you know, I had to know that information to see where it came from so I can put some medicine on it.
43:01
SPEAKER_01: But now, like when I was going through the um sex love and fantasy stuff, my body image started to like come up as well with it's all freaking tied together.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: Totally, especially if you're single and you're like really struggling with finding love.
43:19
SPEAKER_01: More than likely, a hundred like 99% of the time when I see clients in that, they're taking it out on their body, like punishing it.
43:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I did that to myself for such a long time.
43:27
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, maybe if I get a better body, like they'll I'll find love.
43:31
SPEAKER_01: That's also just checking your motives behind your goals.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: Because if it's for that, and then you don't get the love, you're gonna feel like shit still, even with a good body.
43:40
SPEAKER_01: And that was me for such a long time.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: And you know what else I noticed too?
43:44
SPEAKER_00: Because I find it so interesting, the whole, the whole situation with like working out and eating.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: And I've gone through so many iterations of it myself of doing different types of exercise and eating different ways.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've been vegetarian for like over.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Over 20 years.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: But other than that, I've always I've eaten so many different ways of like, you know, not eating carbs or not eating sugar, not eating this, not eating that.
44:09
SPEAKER_00: And I finally got into the place now in my life where I work out to move energy.
44:14
SPEAKER_00: I actually don't like I, of course, I want to like feel good in my body and stuff.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: But the main reason why I work out is because I need to move energy every day.
44:21
SPEAKER_00: That's just kind of like in my design.
44:24
SPEAKER_00: And then with food, like for the first time in my life, I really do eat whatever I want.
44:30
SPEAKER_00: And not in a way where I'm just like, oh, I'm just gonna eat everything, but in a way of like what actually my body's wanting and what I feel intuitively that I want to eat.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: And also if there's stuff in front of me that's like junk food and I want to eat it, I will.
44:46
SPEAKER_00: Whereas like before I wouldn't have done that.
44:48
SPEAKER_00: And like I actually am the same body.
44:51
SPEAKER_00: Like I mean, I pretty much have been for a long time, but like it hasn't affected my weight really at all.
44:58
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's interesting when you like are coming from this place of just loving yourself and being healthy.
45:05
SPEAKER_00: That's when your body just becomes like what it's actually meant to be, or at least in my experience.
45:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think like it's so wild.
45:14
SPEAKER_01: My first year of sobriety, I had like crazy acne and I gained weight.
45:17
SPEAKER_01: And obviously, I do know some of the reasons.
45:19
SPEAKER_01: Like I was eating cake, but like caloric-wise, I wasn't really like in a crazy surplus.
45:25
SPEAKER_01: I truly, truly, truly believe like when you're going through emotional times, like your body stores fat to keep it safe.
45:32
SPEAKER_01: And then once you're going through these like emotional releases, it's crazy.
45:36
SPEAKER_01: Like January, February, March of this year, like this part of this year, at one point I couldn't really lose weight, but I kept like doing breath work and like started getting more into embodying my body and like being present, like the weight falls off.
45:49
SPEAKER_01: It's so interesting, and sometimes it's like hard to even explain it.
45:53
SPEAKER_01: But most of my clients, you know, they're not seeing results, some of them for like one to two months, and then all of a sudden their body's like, fuck yeah, this girl loves me again.
46:02
SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden it's like all coming off.
46:05
SPEAKER_01: It's so wild.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it really is about self-love because the thing is too, and I say this to people about everything.
46:13
SPEAKER_00: It's like when you change your relationship with yourself and you really actually love and acknowledge yourself and have compassion for yourself.
46:23
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying like you have to feel this way all the time, right?
46:28
SPEAKER_00: But it's just like this general practice of really honoring yourself.
46:33
SPEAKER_00: You feel so good about yourself that like you can only see yourself as looking good or looking beautiful or even just having that acceptance about yourself, right?
46:43
SPEAKER_00: And again, I'm not saying that's your experience all the time.
46:47
SPEAKER_00: That's not my experience all the time, but it's like a general practice that I have for myself.
46:53
SPEAKER_00: And then if it goes off the rails, right?
46:55
SPEAKER_00: If I'm like, oh my God, I feel really bad.
46:57
SPEAKER_00: I just ate like a huge thing of pasta, like whatever it is.
47:01
SPEAKER_00: And then I'll be like, nope, nope, nope, we're not doing that, not doing that.
47:05
SPEAKER_01: I mean, well, like some of the girls in my program, they're, you know, getting to month one or two of sobriety and they'll feel bad for eating a cake.
47:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, girl, you stayed sober, eat the fucking cake.
47:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:17
SPEAKER_01: Dude, the cake isn't gonna make you act like a psychopath.
47:20
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
47:21
SPEAKER_01: Right.
47:22
SPEAKER_01: It's like one thing at a time, everyone, that's so important to me.
47:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm a fitness coach, my first year spready.
47:29
SPEAKER_01: I just like stopped training and I ate bad and I got in a toxic relationship and I gained a ton of weight.
47:34
SPEAKER_01: And then the second I left the toxic relationship, it's so funny, and then all the weight came off.
47:38
SPEAKER_01: It's so weird.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: It's just also weird.
47:41
SPEAKER_00: It is so weird.
47:42
SPEAKER_00: I feel like there's this also just like energetic thing with your weight and your body that is also like just unexplainable at certain times in your life.
47:51
SPEAKER_00: But I think the whole purpose is having that acceptance anyway, which is really challenging just given the programming that we have from society and how like we are shown these images of people that are have like unattainable bodies.
48:08
SPEAKER_00: And then we think if we don't look like that, then there's something wrong with us.
48:11
SPEAKER_00: Like that is incredibly damaging to young girls and women in general, like, and we have to heal from that also.
48:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
48:22
SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's so many things there, you know.
48:24
SPEAKER_01: Like one of my favorite quotes that I always tell my clients is you can love and accept your body where it's at, but still be excited for where it's to go.
48:32
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's also like touching your body and being grateful, like thinking, like sometimes I like touch hold my feet, and I'm like, oh my god, these feet have walked a fucking journey.
48:42
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
48:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, it's just like really being proud of yourself or where you're at, but like so much more is to come, and you don't know what you don't know, and it's all gonna be okay.
48:53
SPEAKER_01: And it's fine to not be perfect.
48:55
SPEAKER_01: I think that's such a big one.
48:56
SPEAKER_01: Like, I used to beat myself up for doing like one small thing wrong.
49:00
SPEAKER_01: Like now I'm like allowing myself to be a human.
49:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, such a big thing.
49:05
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's that's really important.
49:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm glad you brought that up because that's something that I see so many women struggling with.
49:11
SPEAKER_00: And I actually think that this is one of the keys to actually being magnetic, is not doing that to yourself.
49:20
SPEAKER_00: Cause like when you're in that, in that state of like inner turmoil where you're constantly judging and criticizing yourself, you're creating this energy that is like toxic almost like within yourself.
49:33
SPEAKER_00: And that kind of repels people versus attracts them.
49:38
SPEAKER_00: So I always tell people, how are you treating yourself?
49:41
SPEAKER_00: Like what is your inner dialogue and what is your general energy towards yourself and from yourself?
49:48
SPEAKER_00: Cause that is huge to just not constantly be looking for what you're doing wrong and trying to fix it, not constantly be judging or criticizing yourself.
49:59
SPEAKER_00: Like that's something that we all do without even realizing it.
50:03
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I can give you total proof on that.
50:05
SPEAKER_01: When I first started my fitness career, I was obviously making sales and doing well.
50:12
SPEAKER_01: But the second I got on TikTok and just was honest about my mistakes and shared from my experience and just been like, you know what?
50:19
SPEAKER_01: I did this, I learned from it, I'm not doing it anymore.
50:22
SPEAKER_01: I have attracted the most amazing clients way more money in my bank account because I'm vibrating like self-love and not being like, I'm so perfect, like I'm sober and I don't like none of this happens to me.
50:36
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
50:37
SPEAKER_01: And then people feel safe with you, right?
50:40
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
50:41
SPEAKER_01: They do it when you're real and you're authentic.
50:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
50:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I had a bad weekend, you guys.
50:46
SPEAKER_01: I binge dated, so just so you know, like I do it too.
50:50
SPEAKER_01: I mean, like, I'm not superwoman, right?
50:53
SPEAKER_00: And no, and we're all on the journey.
50:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, I share things like that too.
50:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, my husband and I are not seeing eye to eye this week, you know, like my relationship isn't perfect, but like I've told the story of okay, we really have changed things here, but it's not like it's it's perfect, but it's also like how we go through those things now, which is something that I think is really important that I always tell people.
51:16
SPEAKER_00: It's not about never having triggers or never having stuff come up, but it's just about how you navigate it versus how you used to navigate it.
51:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
51:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think too for that, it's here's the thing that I noticed there's two kind of ways I can see.
51:34
SPEAKER_01: Like if it's like a small quote unquote trigger or something's coming up, um, and it's like here and there, I'll, you know, put the medicine and use my tools on it for in the moment.
51:44
SPEAKER_01: But if it continually keeps coming up, keeps coming up like with the romantic situation this past year, like I knew I had to dig a lot deeper.
51:53
SPEAKER_01: I just was like, okay, I'm sick of this story.
51:56
SPEAKER_01: Why am I doing this again?
51:57
SPEAKER_01: Why am I attracting all these losers?
51:59
SPEAKER_01: I don't understand what's wrong with me.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, okay, like me doing like a little four-sentence journal prompt is not gonna fix that.
52:06
SPEAKER_01: Like, I went into like deep healing.
52:09
SPEAKER_01: I think that's something also really important to know.
52:11
SPEAKER_01: It's like, all right, I see you're doing something over and over again, and you think a changing one little thing about you is gonna fix it.
52:20
SPEAKER_01: Like, no, like if you really want to change like a huge part of your life, there's so many elements to healing.
52:26
SPEAKER_01: It's not just like doing a 20-minute meditation.
52:29
SPEAKER_01: No, like fuck, if it was really that easy, I'd be like, all right, you know what I mean?
52:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think there's just so many layers to certain areas of people's life that, you know, lead need a little bit more attention.
52:41
SPEAKER_01: And this area of my life, you know, with the sex, love, fantasy addiction stuff, was I needed a lot of medicine.
52:47
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad I dug deep there because I'm like chilling being single now, dude.
52:52
SPEAKER_01: I'm like cool.
52:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
52:55
SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
52:56
SPEAKER_00: And I'm glad you brought that up because like one thing that always triggers me is when people be like, okay, so if people want to get started with shadow work, what should they do?
53:06
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, like, you can't just like be like, oh, here's like the ABCs of shadow work, like just go do it on your own.
53:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, like you really need to commit to getting the support, working with somebody, and being willing to be uncomfortable for a while.
53:25
SPEAKER_00: That's just how it is.
53:26
SPEAKER_00: So oh my god, if I could try to shadow work by myself, I'd be dead.
53:30
SPEAKER_00: No, no one can.
53:32
SPEAKER_00: No one can.
53:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's just not that's just not feasible.
53:36
SPEAKER_00: But I feel like people want this like easy, quick fix.
53:40
SPEAKER_00: And like, believe me, I figured out how to make it as efficient as possible for you, but there's no easy or quick fix in order to really change, like you have to really change.
53:52
SPEAKER_00: And you gotta just like get the stinky stuff.
53:55
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
53:56
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
53:56
SPEAKER_00: So this was amazing.
53:58
SPEAKER_00: Can you just share with people like how do you work with people now?
54:01
SPEAKER_00: Like, do you work with people one-on-one, or do you have groups, or what are you mainly doing these days?
54:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so long story short, you know, my fitness career started in like 2016, 2017.
54:11
SPEAKER_01: So I was only really doing fitness, and like I evolved, my business evolves with me.
54:17
SPEAKER_01: So I got really into the self-love, fitnessy lifestyle transformation over like the crazy fitness bodybuilding stuff.
54:24
SPEAKER_01: And then when I got sober, I was like, I really want to implement this.
54:28
SPEAKER_01: I started my TikTok a year ago, not even, and I'm at like 73,000 followers, and my whole business created around my sobriety.
54:37
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, I think no matter whatever area you are working on in your life, like the sobriety or your relationship with alcohol or things outside of yourself need to be looked at.
54:49
SPEAKER_01: If you're trying to get a fit body, like you gotta look at that stuff too.
54:52
SPEAKER_01: So, with all of my programs, if someone's even coming to me for just fitness or coming to me for just sobriety, I put them all together because it needs to all be together.
55:01
SPEAKER_01: If you want to stop drinking, you gotta start moving your body, right?
55:04
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of cool.
55:05
SPEAKER_01: Like they get a bonus.
55:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's such a great thing.
55:08
SPEAKER_01: Like people will come to me to stop drinking and then they get this sick body out of it.
55:11
SPEAKER_01: But I have a I have a one-on-one coaching app.
55:14
SPEAKER_01: So inside of the app, you get your workout plan, your nutrition plan, you get a chat with me one-on-one.
55:19
SPEAKER_01: We send voice messages to each other.
55:21
SPEAKER_01: I have a group, and I also do community calls within the app.
55:25
SPEAKER_01: So all of that is included.
55:28
SPEAKER_01: So you can do it, it's a full life transformation, like full life.
55:31
SPEAKER_01: And most people come to me for a better butt and they leave new career, new boyfriend, like move.
55:38
SPEAKER_01: I love it, country.
55:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you know, I it's so funny.
55:42
SPEAKER_01: Like they they come to me for that, and it's like a you know, some of my clients have been with me for two years and they're sober, like, but they didn't mean to be.
55:48
SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's so cool.
55:51
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
55:52
SPEAKER_00: I mean, obviously, you're very gifted, and this is what you're meant to be doing.
55:56
SPEAKER_00: But of course, it's also like you had to take the journey, and now you're leading people there.
56:01
SPEAKER_00: So that's so amazing.
56:03
SPEAKER_00: And we'll link the app below so everyone can check it out and your website and everything.
56:07
SPEAKER_00: And then where can people find you?
56:09
SPEAKER_01: So I mostly do all my content.
56:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm kind of all over, but mostly my gray content is on TikTok.
56:16
SPEAKER_01: So it's my full name, Katherine, K-A-T-H-R-Y-N, Souser, S-A-U-S-E-R.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, and if they want to DM me, you can always message me on Instagram.
56:27
SPEAKER_01: I have a Pinterest too, but yeah, cool.
56:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm always open to chat.
56:32
SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
56:33
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
56:33
SPEAKER_00: And then, so for our last question that I always ask everyone for you, what is a non-negotiable when it comes to fully reclaiming your consciousness?
56:42
SPEAKER_00: Sobriety.
56:44
SPEAKER_01: Non-negotiable.
56:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
56:48
SPEAKER_01: Like, I no matter what, I don't want to drink.
56:51
SPEAKER_01: I don't have the desire to drink.
56:53
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to know if I can drink normally.
56:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't care to know.
56:56
SPEAKER_01: I think that if I drank, I would lose everything I have.
56:59
SPEAKER_01: My career, my relationship with my family, my relationship with myself, everything.
57:03
SPEAKER_01: I would lose everything if I drank again.
57:05
SPEAKER_01: Because I just think if I drank again, it would just pick up where it started.
57:09
SPEAKER_01: I just don't think it's ever gonna be something that is good for me, if that makes sense.
57:15
SPEAKER_01: It brings me closer to my higher power.
57:17
SPEAKER_01: Like being sober, I've created this beautiful relationship with higher power, spirit guide, god, whatever you want to call it.
57:23
SPEAKER_01: And that's like my most important thing now.
57:25
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
57:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it has to be, and I think that's amazing.
57:30
SPEAKER_00: And I think there's so many people that need to hear that and are at that place too.
57:35
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I have a lot of women that I work with that are in recovery, and it's a huge thing because you know, alcohol doesn't work for a lot of people.
57:44
SPEAKER_01: This definitely doesn't like nobody wants to see me drunk, okay?
57:49
SPEAKER_01: Like that's I don't want to see me drunk again.
57:52
SPEAKER_00: I just know it was not pretty.
57:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you so much for being here.
57:57
SPEAKER_00: This was amazing.
57:58
SPEAKER_00: It was so great to connect with you as always, and I know everyone's gonna love it.
58:02
SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
58:04
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me.
58:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, I always love our conversations together.
58:08
SPEAKER_00: Me too.
58:11
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
58:13
SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to subscribe to the show, leave a review, and share the show with your friends who you know are yearning for this type of content.
58:21
SPEAKER_00: You can stay connected with me by following me on Instagram at Elise underscore breeds, and by joining my Facebook group, Breed to Succeed, where I share my weekly energy forecast.
58:32
SPEAKER_00: And subscribe to my list where you'll receive a free breath work session, meditation, and journaling prompts to deeply connect with your intuition at elisebreeds.com.
58:43
SPEAKER_00: See you next time.