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S3 E32 - Dining with Taco Don · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:00
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Steven Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
0:06
SPEAKER_02: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
0:11
SPEAKER_02: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:16
SPEAKER_02: Write us a review while you're there, too.
0:19
SPEAKER_02: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for introducing us.
0:26
SPEAKER_02: And Jeff, it is so great to be back in the studio.
0:28
SPEAKER_02: How's it going, Jeff?
0:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm a little tired.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: We just got home last night from a long plane ride.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: I was on vacation in Spain.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: I know it seems like I travel a lot and go to exotic cases.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: And some would say it's my creativity or imagination.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: I guess you can make that argument.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to make that argument.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: So in my mind, I was in Spain.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: I'm sticking with it.
0:54
SPEAKER_02: You imagined you went to Spain, but you were really in Spain.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: But you imagined it.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: I was in Spain.
0:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think I imagine I was in Spain.
1:01
SPEAKER_02: Anyways, but I really liked the food.
1:03
SPEAKER_02: The food was great.
1:05
SPEAKER_02: Spain is a great country.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, Spain's been a friend of ours for a long time.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: But Jeff, as you know now, we tell our friends to go pound sand.
1:13
SPEAKER_02: So I don't know if they want to be our friend anymore.
1:16
SPEAKER_02: Last week, our king placed a 50% tariff on Spanish rice, but then almost immediately lowered it after realizing that Spain wasn't really part of Mexico and it was actually Mexican rice he wanted to tear off.
1:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh so he's really coming down hard on the cumin versus saffron debate.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: You know, that he's and he said he'd solve that in one day, but I digress.
1:39
SPEAKER_02: But our king said a lot of people are saying that Spain is a part of Mexico because they speak Spanish in Mexico, not Mexican, right?
1:47
SPEAKER_02: Somebody told him that, I think.
1:48
SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: But then I read the Prime Minister of Spain said that he preferred churros over Baskin Robbins white white vanilla ice cream.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: Is there is there is there a non-white vanilla really so of course King Trump immediately increased the tariffs again, this time by 90%, only on the waffle cones.
2:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, with Baskin Robbins, he's got a chance for 31 tariffs.
2:10
SPEAKER_02: So that's just that's the is the beautiful thing.
2:12
SPEAKER_02: But he picked the waffle cones, especially, because it turns out waffle cones can be used to smuggle fentanyl into our country.
2:20
SPEAKER_02: A lot of people are saying that.
2:22
SPEAKER_02: But again, you know, I just I read so much.
2:25
SPEAKER_02: I read then it turns out that the king loves waffle cones, so the tariff was postponed until July, because nobody eats a waffle cone in July, right?
2:34
SPEAKER_02: It's too hot.
2:35
SPEAKER_02: With the opportunity for the Spanish government to come make a deal with him, well, you know, basically to to pay him off, uh, make a deal with him on three Mexican products.
2:45
SPEAKER_02: So, of course, the waffle cones, uh DEI, which of course stands for double espresso ice cream.
2:52
SPEAKER_02: Uh, I love it.
2:53
SPEAKER_02: And Hot Fudge Sunday nuts.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: Steve, when you were going through that, uh, you know, my emotions were swinging.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: You know, I I was I was just freaking out here because as long as something's swinging here.
3:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm just glad the king is in charge of this because there's a lot of flavors of ice cream and you can get them all mixed up.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: You know, I've heard that this tariff thing is really bothering our king.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: I think mostly because he has to decide who he's going to punish in the world.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: And to do that, you kind of have to know what the countries are.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: That's a big change for him.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: I don't think he really knew how to do that before.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: I don't think they teach tariffing at Fordham University, you know, where he went to school.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, they did they taught bullying and he's learned that well.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: Well, if if they taught it, he didn't take it, you know what I'm saying?
3:44
SPEAKER_02: I mean, they didn't teach it, but yeah, I think you're right.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: You know, but you know, it's just been really tough on him.
3:50
SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
3:51
SPEAKER_02: And we do have to give our king some credit.
3:53
SPEAKER_02: Uh and I know you may say, wow, but no, we do.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: Because uh in just a few short years, now I know to us it seems like several lifetimes, but in just a few short years, he's really learned a lot.
4:07
SPEAKER_02: Because you know, when he was first made our king back in 2016, he only really knew four countries.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: He knew America, which most of us would call the Western Hemisphere, the Middle East, Mexico, and Russia.
4:22
SPEAKER_02: And he really, really liked Russia.
4:25
SPEAKER_02: But eventually he became aware of that big country, Asia, you know, when COVID hit.
4:32
SPEAKER_02: Big country, really big country.
4:34
SPEAKER_02: But the rest of the world, he just kind of lumped them together as shithole countries, you know.
4:39
SPEAKER_02: But but oh now, now he knows Canada, Greenland, and even the Gulf of America, Gulf of Mexico, Gulf of Spain.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: I I don't know.
4:50
SPEAKER_02: Hard to keep them all straight, it really is.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: But you know, if he's gonna tax countries based on how nice they are to him, he I agree.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: He kind of has to know who they are.
4:57
SPEAKER_02: You don't want to punish the wrong people.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: I mean, but he's learning, it's he's learning, you know, country by country.
5:04
SPEAKER_02: I mean, he's learning, you know, one day he'll know that Burma doesn't exist anymore.
5:08
SPEAKER_02: But we we really digressed.
5:09
SPEAKER_02: I where were we?
5:10
SPEAKER_02: I trying to remember.
5:10
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, don't tell me, don't tell me.
5:13
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, I remember you had great food in Spain.
5:16
SPEAKER_02: We're talking about Spanish food.
5:18
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it seems like so long ago.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: But uh thanks for bringing me back.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: I was I think I was in Spain at the time.
5:26
SPEAKER_02: Imagining that you were in Spain.
5:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm kind of imagining I'm in Spain right now, too.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: And I was having a drink in Barcelona, I'm having a great time.
5:34
SPEAKER_02: I this is very pleasant.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, a scudo helps us pull up a chair, but I digress, yeah.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, I was talking about the trip to Spain and how Kathy and I, you know, we're pretty adventurous with food, and it kind of pushed us to the limits here.
5:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I bet it did.
5:49
SPEAKER_02: You know, you guys really are adventurous when it you know comes to food.
5:53
SPEAKER_02: So tell me more.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: I want to tell me about this.
5:56
SPEAKER_01: What happened?
5:57
SPEAKER_01: Sure thing.
5:58
SPEAKER_01: We're out shopping and we decide we're gonna stop at a local restaurant, grab something to eat.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: I think we were in Madrid or Barcelona or what one of those cities, and we were sipping on you know, tequilas and having a great old time.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: And then we noticed at the table next to us, there was this couple, and they were eating this like amazing looking platter of food that just smelled so good.
6:22
SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, I looked for our waiter and uh and you know, I told him it just smells good.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: And I asked, What is this that that you're serving?
6:30
SPEAKER_01: He said, Ah senor, I think I don't know if that's uh Spanish or Mexican, but you know, I don't do either of them very well.
6:39
SPEAKER_02: We'll we'll have we'll have to ask the Department of Homeland Security about that one, yeah.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: But anyways, he said, Ah, senor, you have excellent tastes.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, those are bull's testicles from the bull fight from this morning, and it is a famous delicacy of Spain.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's very delicate, I imagine.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: Very at first, I was kind of disgusted.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, anything re related to to balls in general kind of disgust me.
7:04
SPEAKER_02: Bulls and blue balls, right?
7:06
SPEAKER_01: Red bouncing balls, you know, those all balls at dinner.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: It's not a good match.
7:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh now for breakfast, you know.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's pretty good.
7:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, oh, whole different, whole different story.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: But for dinner, no, not so much.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: But for Kathy, she was very excited.
7:23
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I I think I know why, but okay.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because she was hungry, yeah, and it smelled so good.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: Of course, that's it.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: That's what I was gonna say.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so and I didn't want to spoil it for her, so I said to the waiter, I said, Yeah, what the heck?
7:37
SPEAKER_01: We're on vacation.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Give us the same thing they're having.
7:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: You know, he looked at us and he was kind of sad and he said, I'm so sorry, senor, but there's only one serving per day because there's only one bull fight per day, and that makes sense, you know.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: So there's only so many testicles to go around.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: Oh, they are limited, I imagine.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but if you come back tomorrow, I'll put your order in and then we'll save it for you, and then you'll be able to try it.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: So I was pleased.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: Kathy was very disappointed.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: She really, really had a taste for tests.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, fairly so.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and uh so, but anyways, we returned the next day, you know, we put in our order, and then in the evening we came back and we were all excited, and sure enough, they brought it to our table.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: And after a few bites, and I called the waiter over and I said, God, this is like one of the most delicious things I've ever had.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: My only question is it the portions seem a lot smaller than what we remember last night.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: And the waiter shrugged his shoulders and said, See, senor and senorita, because sometimes the bull wins.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and Kathy didn't seem disappointed, you know, at the same time.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: So probably probably an upgrade for her, but you know, I maybe we should have stayed with that digression after all.
8:56
SPEAKER_02: It is interesting though, preparing and eating testicles is popular in a lot of places.
9:02
SPEAKER_02: You know, even in the U.S., they call it uh Rocky Mountain Oysters.
9:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can get that places.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: There's some place, I forget where has a testicle festival.
9:10
SPEAKER_02: It's like, wow.
9:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
9:12
SPEAKER_02: I know that the Republican Party, of course, would oppose cooking and eating testicles because that would be a form of birth control.
9:19
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah.
9:20
SPEAKER_02: You know, though, it's really a tough call, though, because it's all about a man's body.
9:24
SPEAKER_02: Uh, so I think most Republicans would would should feel really.
9:28
SPEAKER_02: That's a very personal decision, yeah, and it relates to a man's body.
9:32
SPEAKER_02: So, of course, I I think most of them would agree that that decision should be left to the the man of the house and and his doctor.
9:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think you're right.
9:41
SPEAKER_01: And and again, it's another thing that's just so complicated, but they do taste great, I have to tell you.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: I'll take your word for that one.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: But speaking of things that don't have balls, I think you could include the Republicans on that menu in the House and the Senate.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: You know, they they've had their balls removed and probably somebody ate them back in January.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think I know who.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: I do too.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: I think I know who.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: I do too.
10:06
SPEAKER_01: I hear it's a royal delicacy.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: It is so in January, they kind of lost them, and that couldn't come at a better time, just when taxes or tariffs or whatever it's called are causing the world to fall apart or adjusting, as our king says.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: They gave up their ability to speak and act.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: I think that's a medical condition.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: I think is it a term called Jim Jordan syndrome?
10:28
SPEAKER_01: And at the same time, they also gave up their principles about the deficit and the debt ceiling.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: You know, remember that was such a big deal.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: When Joe Biden was president and when Billy president, and well, you would almost think they actually believed it.
10:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they were that convincing, you know.
10:46
SPEAKER_02: Kind of, yeah.
10:47
SPEAKER_02: I mean, a lot of people believed thought they believed it, you know, but you know, of course they didn't, but no, no, they didn't at all.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: You know, they were these loyal eunuchs, and that made the king really happy, which is great, and that's what makes a great political party standing for nothing but power, and they're so good at that.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, I'm looking at you, Chuck Schumer.
11:10
SPEAKER_02: I know it seems like there are more castrati in Congress right now than in the Vienna Boys choir.
11:17
SPEAKER_02: But just to be fair, though, I it just because they're rubber stamping everything our king wants and they're not doing anything about flagrant law violations and ignoring the constitution and separation of powers and everything that really is what makes America great, they're doing nothing about any of that.
11:34
SPEAKER_02: I I think it's unfair to accuse them of not having balls.
11:37
SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's like your dinner in Spain.
11:39
SPEAKER_02: Maybe I maybe these Republicans maybe maybe they have balls, but they're really, really, really, really small.
11:47
SPEAKER_02: You know, kind of like insect balls.
11:50
SPEAKER_02: I mean, uh, you know, I'm not gonna go verify this or anything, but you know, that that could be the case.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: Uh you really might be on to something, and and you know, and certainly there are still Republicans out there that have the big balls, you know, like Chuck Grassley.
12:05
SPEAKER_01: So really he's well, he's had big balls since the 1930s.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: That's that's what I've heard.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: And you know, they don't work anymore, but yeah, but mostly for decoration, but they're intimidating, you know, they look like they stand for something.
12:20
SPEAKER_02: Speaking of eating balls, which I think you had mentioned that you actually enjoyed.
12:24
SPEAKER_02: We were it it looks like the White House has sent us another helpful email.
12:29
SPEAKER_02: They're so helpful, they're always providing these suggestions and information, and this time they're helping us out with some cuisine suggestions because as you know, again, I've been reading and I was I read some things to this effect too, but uh some economists are saying that we're we're may have a recession, and then inflation could go as high as 15 percent.
12:53
SPEAKER_02: So this email this email is titled, in fact, eating suggestions when we're in a recession and inflation is at 15 percent.
13:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean, talk about timely.
13:04
SPEAKER_02: These guys can accurately predict the onset of the very crisis that they create.
13:09
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's beautiful, isn't it?
13:11
SPEAKER_02: Should we see what they suggest?
13:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we should.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh but before we do that, I I'd just like to say something.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: Hats off to the White House again for nailing it.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: They provide help and guidance just before a crisis that they created hits.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's uncanny, Steve, that they can do that.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: And and they they do it repeatedly.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: It's it's quite a skill, if you ask me.
13:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
13:35
SPEAKER_02: It's it's having the disease and the anecdote.
13:39
SPEAKER_02: Wait, antidote, uh, whatever, you know, the the cure.
13:43
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
13:44
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's almost as if they have inside information that you could take to the bank or to your stock trader, assuming you still have any money there.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: Right.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, it really is something though, but it let's take a look at some of these suggestions.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: I'm you know, I'm getting kind of hungry.
13:58
SPEAKER_02: I didn't eat before the show, and you know, I've been thinking about those insect balls, and but the problem is you need thousands of them to really make a meal, you know.
14:06
SPEAKER_02: They're it's so hard to collect, you know.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, let's see what's on the list.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, the first dish that they recommend.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh, this comes from a cabinet member, Robert Kennedy Jr., smart guy and and trustworthy.
14:21
SPEAKER_02: You know, if there's one guy I believe it's Robert Kennedy with him, the worm has really turned.
14:27
SPEAKER_02: He's a whole new man, so to speak.
14:29
SPEAKER_02: I think if somebody says that a worm ate part of my brain, I we should probably believe him.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: You know, it didn't eat the part of the brain that comes up with really delicious recipes.
14:39
SPEAKER_02: Well, it didn't eat the kitchen part of the brain.
14:41
SPEAKER_01: So what what what does he have?
14:43
SPEAKER_01: What does he come up with?
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Um well it he has a uh uh a home recipe that has been in his family for a long time.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: It's called Baby Bear Stew.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: As Secretary of Health and Human Services, you gotta trust it because oh gosh when he's the health the head of health and human services.
15:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's not like he's telling you to drink raw milk or something.
15:04
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's not like he's saying, Oh, don't pasteurize.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I come on.
15:08
SPEAKER_02: No, he would never say that.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: And and especially it's important to trust somebody like him, given the fact that so many people are going to be losing their health care coverage.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: And so if they get sick from eating something, I don't know, you know, I guess they really wouldn't go anywhere.
15:23
SPEAKER_01: So we really need to stick to people that we trust.
15:26
SPEAKER_02: You know, though, people may not need health care if they eat his stuff.
15:31
SPEAKER_02: Well, that is true.
15:32
SPEAKER_02: Maybe that's all they need.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: That's all that they will ever need.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: That's all they're gonna get.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: That's all they're gonna get.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: And the ingredients, they're really basic.
15:42
SPEAKER_01: Basically, what you need is you need a baby bear and you need some alcohol, and you need some grass and some weeds and stuff like that, and that's pretty much it.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, you just basically go get that bear from you know, one of those states that needs to be repopulated anyway, and uh, you know, and then you you get liquored up, and you know, then you then you kill it and and then you eat it.
16:06
SPEAKER_02: So a bear, weed, grass, and whiskey.
16:09
SPEAKER_02: This sounds like a camping trip I took in Wisconsin for you.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: So, you know, but I digress.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: Sounds fun, doesn't it?
16:15
SPEAKER_02: It does.
16:15
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it sounds really nice.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Looks like all you have to do is really drink the whiskey, run over the bear, preferably a young cub, you know, because they're they're more tender and you know, and it doesn't take quite as long to eat them because they can take a long time to eat a full-grown bear, you know.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: You should be careful though.
16:31
SPEAKER_02: Don't kill a baby bear in utero.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: Republicans don't like that.
16:36
SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no, no.
16:38
SPEAKER_02: No, that's killing.
16:39
SPEAKER_02: That would be killing, yeah.
16:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna look down the list here, see what else they recommend.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, here's this one.
16:44
SPEAKER_02: I bet is gonna be tasty.
16:46
SPEAKER_02: This is one from Christy Gnome.
16:48
SPEAKER_02: Now, didn't she used to work for Travelocity?
16:50
SPEAKER_02: You know, the Travelocity Gnome.
16:51
SPEAKER_02: But I don't know.
16:52
SPEAKER_02: I think so.
16:53
SPEAKER_02: Good-looking woman, too.
16:54
SPEAKER_02: Well, this gnome, of course, is not a statue in your garden, but she is a oh, oh, sorry.
17:00
SPEAKER_02: But she is a she is a Botox statue serving as Secretary of Homeland Security.
17:05
SPEAKER_02: She would smile more, but you know, she can't, right?
17:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know.
17:09
SPEAKER_02: I understand.
17:10
SPEAKER_02: Her dish is similar to similar to Kennedy's in a lot of ways.
17:13
SPEAKER_02: She recommends killing your own food too, you know, kind of an eat what you kill philosophy.
17:18
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's kind of like the good old days when America was great and people died from foodborne diseases.
17:24
SPEAKER_02: That's what we want to get back to.
17:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, her family dish was hush puppies, and comes from, of course, killing your own young pets.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: Something and she's been doing this for many years, but so not only is she a Botox Barbie, but she has a great sense of humor because she said when you kill your own pets, you eliminate all that barking and creates a hush in the house.
17:48
SPEAKER_02: I laugh.
17:49
SPEAKER_02: I get it.
17:50
SPEAKER_02: It's funny, it is funny stuff.
17:52
SPEAKER_02: You know, that's that's like Jonathan Winter's funny.
17:54
SPEAKER_02: You gotta laugh, right?
17:55
SPEAKER_02: You know, she does point out that she was the first to shoot and eat her family animals, and that all those stories about Springfield, Ohio that that Vance was pushing were completely made up.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: Of course, they were completely made up, yeah.
18:08
SPEAKER_02: But now it sounds like she's trying to grab some credit for this whole pet eating thing.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: So she could get into some hot water with JD Vance about that.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: And speaking of hot water, I think didn't she also recommend that as a way to cook these animals?
18:21
SPEAKER_02: If you're British, you're gonna boil the meat, yeah.
18:23
SPEAKER_02: But it's not as good as Russia.
18:25
SPEAKER_02: If you're not British sure, but if you're not British, don't do that.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, let's see what else is on the list.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh oh, Caroline Levitt.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if everybody knows who that is.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: She's the press secretary for the White House.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: And I wish I wish I didn't, but okay.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: But but Steve, you know, there's so many old people in government.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: It's good to have somebody, you know, in their teens.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: She is, I think, the youngest White House press secretary in history.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: I believe and she's been handpicked by the king, so she must be qualified.
18:56
SPEAKER_02: Oh, she's got to be qualified.
18:58
SPEAKER_02: You know, she had all the important qualifications for our king: blonde hair, blue eyes, and more mindless loyalty than any known puppy ever could have had.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: And the recipe is very simple.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: Bologna sandwich on white bread.
19:13
SPEAKER_02: She hands those out by the truckload every press conference.
19:16
SPEAKER_02: That just sounds delicious.
19:17
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it takes me back to my school days or when I was in Juvie or when I had jury duty.
19:25
SPEAKER_02: I I know there's some woke people out there saying the baloney is kind of a sketchy food, but Robert Kennedy Jr., because he considers that health food and he's requiring it as a staple of everyone's diet.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: Now, baloney, because of this demand that it's gonna happen here when when people realize how healthy bologna is, they're gonna start buying it.
19:45
SPEAKER_02: Price is probably gonna go up.
19:47
SPEAKER_02: So Caroline recommends if you can't afford the baloney, you eat spam.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: Let them eat spam, is what I think she was saying.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: That sounds perfect, and I would give her credit for that, except it seems as though it's fair to say that the Democrats have been serving baloney up as well during the Biden administration for those press conferences.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: The white bread is something that's different, that's because white bread is always good, and Italian and French bread, you know, it's just too expensive with all the tariffs that are yeah.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: I think sticking with the white bread is the best thing to do.
20:22
SPEAKER_02: Well, and don't whole wheat and rye and pumpernickel, they all sound so foreign.
20:29
SPEAKER_02: Whereas white wonder bread is just it's so American.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so let's see what else is recommended.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh, ooh, here's I think this is something that we're ever is really gonna catch on.
20:43
SPEAKER_01: It's from Pete Hegseth.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: So he is for those who are not aware, he is Secretary of Defense.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: Most people know him because they probably have gotten an email from him by accident.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: He's recommending for breakfast a his own bloody Mary to start each day right before you send out those morning emails.
21:05
SPEAKER_01: Wonderful way to start the day.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: Why stop with one?
21:08
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: And anyone can follow this, it's amazing.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: Basically, here are the ingredients vodka and red food coloring, and that's it.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: That sounds easy.
21:20
SPEAKER_02: How can you go wrong?
21:21
SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, here's a good one.
21:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I like this one.
21:24
SPEAKER_02: This is from uh little Steven, and I I don't mean the E Street band guy.
21:28
SPEAKER_02: No, not that little Stephen.
21:29
SPEAKER_02: No, I wish it was that little Stephen, but no, I mean little Stephen Miller.
21:34
SPEAKER_02: He is senior advisor to the president.
21:36
SPEAKER_02: He uh placed second in the Joseph Goebbels imitation contest.
21:41
SPEAKER_02: Somebody actually beat him, if you can believe that.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: But he had me first.
21:44
SPEAKER_02: He should have won.
21:45
SPEAKER_02: He he was robbed.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: He should have.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: I think it was rigged.
21:47
SPEAKER_02: I think it was rigged.
21:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but for sure.
21:49
SPEAKER_02: You gotta stop the steal on these things, but yeah, but I digress.
21:52
SPEAKER_02: He actually has two family recipes.
21:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh one's for gefilterfish and the other is for skinhead cheese.
21:59
unknown: Uh
22:00
SPEAKER_02: Nothing else is listed, so I guess you just eat it as it is.
22:03
SPEAKER_02: In appearance, it looks kind of disgusting.
22:06
SPEAKER_02: Never been a big head cheese or gefilter fish fan for that matter.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: But I I think that as disgusting as it is, once you try it, you'll get sick.
22:16
SPEAKER_02: It kind of balances out, you know?
22:18
SPEAKER_02: Um I guess it's a thought that counts.
22:21
SPEAKER_02: We and we know that little Steven has a lot of thoughts.
22:25
SPEAKER_02: Some of them actually not derived from Minecraft.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: I haven't heard any of those yet, but I'm not sure.
22:30
SPEAKER_02: I don't either, but I I'm thinking he must have some.
22:32
SPEAKER_02: Maybe.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: I you know.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: I I think I'm gonna pass on those.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm not a fan of traditional German food.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm assuming everything from him is you know rooted in uh back to his family's days in Germany.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: But there is one more that I see on this list that interests me, and that's from little Marco Rubio.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: He's the bobblehead doll, Secretary of State, cute as a button.
23:00
SPEAKER_02: You must have you must have ugly buttons.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: My buttons, I digress.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: It's an opinion, but he's offering up Golf of America Delight.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Sounds actually kind of good.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: And maybe a little a step up from the on the the health category of or the the measurement on what's healthy.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it might be a little better than like vodka and red food, red dye number two.
23:23
SPEAKER_01: Or spam.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: Or possibly spam.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: It's made of ocean ocean perch topped with American cheese and deep fried with real American crude oil.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so left from the BP.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, from BP.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: And it sounds amazing.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: I think the only issue is that since it comes from Marco, you know, probably small portions, probably very small portions, but perfect for the the size of the king's hands.
23:49
SPEAKER_02: It'd be a more than a handful for him.
23:54
SPEAKER_02: You know, we can't have a list without something from our dictator.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: I mean the king, I mean the leader.
24:01
SPEAKER_02: And even not disappointing.
24:04
SPEAKER_02: Our king doesn't go.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: But he actually he's starting a restaurant franchise.
24:09
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's branding.
24:10
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's he's taking his brand to a restaurant.
24:13
SPEAKER_02: Saudi Arabia has kicked in a couple of billion dollars to help him get started.
24:18
SPEAKER_02: And I hear the cutter is handling the global deliveries because they have this really cool plane that they can fly places with.
24:24
SPEAKER_02: This restaurant concept features Mexican food or food that sounds Mexican at least.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: He actually attached a new commercial for the first store that opens up in July just in time for inflation and empty shelves to hit so hard you'll think it's August 1945 in Japan.
24:43
SPEAKER_02: So let's let's take a listen.
24:52
SPEAKER_02: For a South of the Border Wall meal so good you won't want to deport it, come on down to Taco Dime.
24:58
SPEAKER_02: You know we have the best soft chicken tacos around, and we make them hand-sized.
25:03
SPEAKER_02: You know, small.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: So you can grab the whole thing all at once.
25:08
SPEAKER_02: But did you know we also have nachos?
25:10
SPEAKER_02: That's right, Liberation Day Frolls we have big, beautiful nachos, smothered in uninspected meat and raw milk cheese.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: It's so good we call it the Nacho President.
25:21
SPEAKER_02: Plus, we have tiny hand-sized burritos, wrapped in your choice of the U.S.
25:25
SPEAKER_02: Constitution, the Magna Carta, or some declaration or something that we never actually read.
25:30
SPEAKER_02: Order five or more, and we'll throw in an executive order, personally auto-signed for your enjoyment.
25:36
SPEAKER_02: And for just$500,000, you can join our Club Real, or Royal Club, for you newcomers.
25:42
SPEAKER_02: Come on into the throne room and leave your tribute while you enjoy a special secret menu straight from the chefs at Bedminster with a touch of ketchup for that authentic Mexican food.
25:53
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, no menu substitutions.
25:55
SPEAKER_02: We can change it.
25:56
SPEAKER_02: You can't.
25:57
SPEAKER_02: So for a zone flooding good time, come to Taco Don's, also offering hands-on home delivery by Ice Trucker.
26:04
SPEAKER_02: No tariffs on these delights.
26:06
SPEAKER_02: It's Mexican food that came here the right way.
26:10
SPEAKER_02: Waivers and NDAs required on each order.
26:18
SPEAKER_01: Wow, he did it again.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: A term that I don't like to describe about everybody, but certainly fits our king.
26:28
SPEAKER_02: And you know, it's a term that some people throw around like Hershey's Kisses, but when this fits, you just gotta use it.
26:35
SPEAKER_02: Dinner time is approaching, or I forgot I gotta start eating before the show, but I better go eat while I can still afford it too.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: But I I just think some of these some of these food items are gonna be great, and I can't wait to go to that restaurant.
26:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: So Johnny, get us out of this show.
26:52
SPEAKER_02: William, we gotta go get something to eat.
26:54
SPEAKER_02: Right, Steve?
26:55
SPEAKER_02: Guests of the Steve and Jeff Show stay at the brightly painted yet spiritually vacuous Harney Hotel, where Happy Hour features terror-free drinking, two week maximum from 5 to 509.
27:06
SPEAKER_02: If the staff is smarty, you're at the Hardy.
27:10
SPEAKER_02: Promotional consideration paid by Farmer Brew, makers of placebics, the pill that does nothing, so you can do less.
27:17
SPEAKER_02: This has been a Louis Pasteur production in association with What is Reality Media?
27:22
SPEAKER_02: Read all about Stephen Jeff at their website, stephenjeff.com.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: This is Johnny speaking.
27:28
SPEAKER_02: See his mom and I eat what we kill too.
27:31
SPEAKER_02: But just last night we killed a quarter pop off and ate something that looked like a tiny football and tasted like chicken.
27:38
SPEAKER_02: I hear it's a royal delicacy in Washington these days.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: Good night.