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Follow up and personal discovery to The Truth has 144 faces · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:00
  Julie: Hello, and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show podcast.
• 0:03
  Julie: My name is Julie Nguyen, your ultimate spiritual hype girl, and this is the follow-up podcast to the previous one I just put out, which is The Truth Holds 144 Faces, or Has 144 Faces.
• 0:16
  Julie: And, I said in the podcast, I was like,"Damn, I should have recorded this earlier'cause, now I'm all bunked up about it and I feel inspired." And honestly, when I woke up this morning, I was like,"Ugh, it's Monday.
• 0:28
  Julie: I'm getting into the old grind." like I don't know.
• 0:33
  Julie: Does any of this matter?
• 0:36
  Julie: W- all these things that I just waste my time doing, podcasting and, YouTube, and then the reading and the journaling and, the trying to figure things out.
• 0:45
  Julie: Like, am I fucking just wasting my time?
• 0:48
  Julie: Does it matter?
• 0:50
  Julie: And sometimes, the grind can get annoying, especially if you're trying to build something or make a difference.
• 0:57
  Julie: And, you know, a lot of my journey, honestly, it was, It's been so difficult and frustrating for me because I spent 17 years hustling, and then 17 years into the hustling in my old career, I had it where if I wanted to do anything, I just put out an email blast and I had people showing up, or I had the work, or I had I had it.
• 1:17
  Julie: I didn't have to build again, and part of the rebuilding over the past 10 years has been devastating.
• 1:25
  Julie: I feel like that's such a harsh word, but it's felt, like, devastating and, soul-crushing in so many ways because it just has really, forced me to question my worth, question my gifts, question my abilities to even do something powerful and impactful again.
• 1:44
  Julie: And then that just spiraled into I miss my old life.
• 1:48
  Julie: I miss who I once was because, again, I was at that point in my time in my earlier career knowing that I'm gonna hustle and one day my business is gonna work for me.
• 2:01
  Julie: And then once my business started to work for me, I was forced out of it.
• 2:04
  Julie: Then I had to start over again.
• 2:06
  Julie: So the 10 years of rebuilding and starting again in a new field, but it's similar, but it's different, has been difficult.
• 2:14
  Julie: And so sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I don't wake up with a lot of zest, which I wish I did, but sometimes I just wake up, honestly, a little depressed and a little frustrated.
• 2:26
  Julie: And that is how my day was today.
• 2:31
  Julie: And the more frustrated I got, my guides, you know, I'm praying, just alle- like, take this pain, take this confusion, take this this annoying feeling away from me.
• 2:44
  Julie: And also at the same time, I am over-trying making these feelings go away and transcending them.
• 2:51
  Julie: And my guides were just like,"Look, you need to practice just being.
• 2:54
  Julie: Just being." And I hated that answer all day today.
• 2:58
  Julie: And they were like,"Just slow down.
• 3:00
  Julie: Like, be with the discomfort.
• 3:01
  Julie: Be with this discomfort." And so I was like,"Fuck, all right.
• 3:05
  Julie: I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna be with this anxiousness.
• 3:08
  Julie: I'm gonna be with this discomfort.
• 3:10
  Julie: I'm gonna be with this annoying sensations that I'm so over having.
• 3:14
  Julie: I'm gonna be with being frustrated with my day-to-day grind.
• 3:18
  Julie: I'm gonna be annoyed with I'm gonna be annoyed with, um The waiting, you know?
• 3:29
  Julie: In my old career, I was, I had creativity at my fingertips 24/7, and it and I was able to create with other people, and it was fun, and it was joyful.
• 3:40
  Julie: And I have not had that back at the way that I enjoyed it, you know?
• 3:46
  Julie: I'm not a good employee, that is for sure.
• 3:48
  Julie: I like to be the boss.
• 3:49
  Julie: I like to have my ideas.
• 3:50
  Julie: I like to have the freedom.
• 3:52
  Julie: I'm great at being my own boss.
• 3:53
  Julie: But again, I haven't had that for a really long time, so it can get, annoying.
• 3:58
  Julie: and sitting with who I am now and where I am now and then also being with like,"Well, that I'm so grateful," and then there's the big and.
• 4:07
  Julie: I'm so grateful, and there's so much that I still wanna cry about.
• 4:12
  Julie: and it's loaded.
• 4:13
  Julie: It's complex.
• 4:16
  Julie: And on some days I feel like I have made it to the other side, I've crossed the bridge, and other days I'm like,"Ugh, I'm not on the other side of it yet,"'cause I still have these feelings of sadness or frustration or confusion.
• 4:30
  Julie: So as I sat down to record The Truth Has 144 Faces, which is why I'm recording this one, something happened.
• 4:40
  Julie: The teaching turned around and started teaching me, which thank you.
• 4:44
  Julie: Again, I wish I would've done this early this morning, but alas, here we are.
• 4:49
  Julie: I've been talking about the truth having 144 faces while only allowing myself to have six faces maybe.
• 4:56
  Julie: And I actually got emotional when I realized this, because for the last decade I've been trying to reclaim old versions of myself, the dancer, the teacher, the studio owner, the confident woman, the creator, the traveler, the mother, the...
• 5:09
  Julie: I had so much life in me at one point in time.
• 5:14
  Julie: And suddenly this question landed today, and it was,"What if you're not here to reclaim who you were?
• 5:24
  Julie: What if you're here in the pause that we're guiding you to pause in so that you can meet who you've never been?
• 5:34
  Julie: So you can see that you are 144 faces as well, that you have all of these deeper truths inside of you too?" And maybe I've been asking the wrong question.
• 5:49
  Julie: I keep asking,"How do I get that back?
• 5:52
  Julie: How do I get these parts of myself back?
• 5:54
  Julie: How do I get those things that once lit me up back?
• 5:57
  Julie: How do I get to have creativity at the tip of my fingertips?" And it was purposeful, and I knew it in the time.
• 6:03
  Julie: I never questioned it.
• 6:05
  Julie: How do I get that back?
• 6:06
  Julie: And maybe life has been whispering,"Why are you looking backward when there are 138 other versions of you waiting?" And then I realized, I think maybe I've been mistaking familiarity for identity, that I keep introducing myself to the same sentences.
• 6:35
  Julie: I'm a teacher, I'm a mom, I'm an entrepreneur.
• 6:45
  Julie: I'm a dancer, I'm a creator, I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I'm somebody who craves freedom.
• 6:51
  Julie: I am, I am.
• 6:53
  Julie: But honestly, my I am list isn't 144 And I think maybe the whole crystal is 144 faces What if you've spent 40 years staring at one corner of your life, of who you are, while the light has been trying to hit another facet this entire time?
• 7:23
  Julie: I've been realizing lately that I know exactly who I am in certain environments.
• 7:27
  Julie: Put me in a dance studio, I know her.
• 7:29
  Julie: Put me in a soul session, I know her.
• 7:31
  Julie: Put me behind a microphone, I'm learning her.
• 7:35
  Julie: But who am I when none of those identities exist?
• 7:39
  Julie: Who am I when I'm just being?
• 7:42
  Julie: And that's what I was being asked to do today, and it was so annoying.
• 7:45
  Julie: It was so frustrating.
• 7:48
  Julie: And maybe that's why being feels so uncomfortable, because doing lets us hide inside identities.
• 7:56
  Julie: Being asks us to meet ourselves.
• 8:00
  Julie: And here's the part that's really changing for me in real time right now.
• 8:07
  Julie: I'm realizing...
• 8:09
  Julie: Well, I've been studying the gene keys, and in my purpose is to teach.
• 8:17
  Julie: So in my gene keys, I'm a teacher.
• 8:21
  Julie: I'm a thought leader, and I'm somebody who helps people remember their own magic.
• 8:27
  Julie: And the shadow side of my purpose is to do these things without needing recognition, and that is where I get frustrated.
• 8:39
  Julie: My shadow part, this part that is part of my purpose, but it's also helping me to overcome so I can get into the deeper magics of what I'm doing, is can I do this work without needing any recognition?
• 8:55
  Julie: I want this podcast to reach millions.
• 8:57
  Julie: I want sold-out events.
• 8:59
  Julie: I want people to hear these conversations, and there is absolutely a part of me that measures whether something matters and if it's worth it.
• 9:05
  Julie: Like I woke up asking myself like,"Does it matter?
• 9:07
  Julie: Is it worth it?" And today, the truth arrived What if this podcast is for me first?
• 9:21
  Julie: What if every episode is actually my own remembrance practice?
• 9:25
  Julie: What if I keep showing up not because I know, but because recording forces me to become the person capable of saying these things out loud, and these teachings are for me?
• 9:37
  Julie: Maybe that's why I have to do this.
• 9:41
  Julie: Not because I need to reach millions, but I need to reach myself.
• 9:45
  Julie: Because every single time I teach, I meet another face of myself, and maybe that's what self-love actually is.
• 9:54
  Julie: Not looking in the mirror and convincing yourself that you're enough.
• 9:58
  Julie: Maybe self-love is refusing to believe you've already discovered all of yourself.
• 10:04
  Julie: Maybe it's waking up every morning and saying,"Who do I get to meet today?" And then love that, not be frustrated by it.
• 10:14
  Julie: Okay, a secret confession: I love to crochet, and honestly, when I'm crocheting, I'm like,"This is so pointless.
• 10:20
  Julie: This takes so long.
• 10:20
  Julie: it's a total waste of time.
• 10:22
  Julie: And I'm missing the point that it's just a beautiful creative act, and can I love the act of crocheting something simply because it's creative and I enjoy it, and it's something that my mother did.
• 10:34
  Julie: It's, it runs in my family.
• 10:36
  Julie: Why does everything have to have a meaning, a big impact?
• 10:41
  Julie: Then I'm taking myself out of my ability to be present, which is also a huge thing for me.
• 10:46
  Julie: Can I be- find the power in the present moment?
• 10:49
  Julie: How many teachings have we had around that one?
• 10:52
  Julie: And here I am still practicing that, and that's the other thing.
• 10:55
  Julie: We are always practicing.
• 10:57
  Julie: We return.
• 10:58
  Julie: We come home to ourselves again and again and again.
• 11:00
  Julie: We return to the practice again and again and again and again.
• 11:07
  Julie: And when I can bring more of that energy into my heart, into my body, then I'm able to switch and change the circuitry in my brain that is programmed to,"What do I need to fix today?
• 11:22
  Julie: What do I need to hustle today?
• 11:24
  Julie: What do I need to change today to make better?
• 11:26
  Julie: What do I need to heal?" into, again, what part of me do I get to meet today?
• 11:33
  Julie: And can I stay curious about that?
• 11:34
  Julie: And can I stay excited about that?" The opposite of self-discovery isn't being lost.
• 11:40
  Julie: The opposite of self-discovery is certainty.
• 11:42
  Julie: It's deciding you've already found yourself, and I don't think I've found myself at all.
• 11:47
  Julie: I think I've maybe met six versions, and if the truth really has 144 faces- Then maybe I do too, and maybe you do too, and maybe the greatest adventure of your life isn't chasing your purpose.
• 12:02
  Julie: Maybe it's staying curious enough to keep turning the crystal.
• 12:06
  Julie: And here's what I know tonight.
• 12:09
  Julie: This...
• 12:09
  Julie: Oh my gosh, okay, I'm saying it.
• 12:11
  Julie: I'm saying it out loud.
• 12:13
  Julie: This this podcast matters.
• 12:16
  Julie: It is important that I keep showing up to do this podcast.
• 12:20
  Julie: This podcast matters, not because thousands of people might hear it, but because I heard it, and I needed to hear it.
• 12:28
  Julie: It changed me while I was speaking it, and if that's true, then maybe that's enough.
• 12:34
  Julie: Maybe the audience is just the gift, but the becoming is the miracle, and maybe that's what remembrance has been all along, not returning to who you were Not relying on these versions of yourself that you already know, but falling in love with the person and the gifts and the things that are inside of you that you just haven't met yet.
• 13:05
  Julie: Feels like a challenge Feels like what I'm hearing is whole, wholesome soul remembrance and using curiosity, joy, fun, and play for deeper self-discovery to be present to take form And then as I say that too, it's like stop looking on the outside'cause you can get frustrated.
• 13:40
  Julie: But in the remembrance of your own beautiful manifestations and where manifestations really come from, it's from you, that everything is energy and everything in your life is just an energetic expression of what you have manifested energetically, then it totally makes sense to keep deep diving into you, to fall in love with these parts of yourself that you haven't met yet but are there to meet, to love To be introduced to the wholeness of you instead of allowing the mind just to tell you,"You are just these certain parts'cause this is what we've figured out." There's a whole vast world.
• 14:26
  Julie: There's a whole, yeah, feels like there's a whole other adventure that lies inside of us, and we get to take it.
• 14:39
  Julie: So with that I am grateful that you are one of the listeners and here to join me on this path, the adventure of true literal self-discovery.
• 14:55
  Julie: And thank you for listening because it is It's nice to know I'm not talking to myself, number one.
• 15:05
  Julie: Maybe there's somebody on the other side of this.
• 15:08
  Julie: But yeah, I can unhook myself from the internal mental suffering.
• 15:16
  Julie: I don't need to suffer.
• 15:17
  Julie: I don't need to suffer.
• 15:18
  Julie: I just need to get more curious.
• 15:20
  Julie: I don't need to suffer.
• 15:21
  Julie: I need to play more.
• 15:22
  Julie: I don't need to suffer.
• 15:24
  Julie: I get to be on the grand adventure of self-discovery, self-love And that feels kinda cool.
• 15:37
  Julie: All right.
• 15:38
  Julie: Thanks for being here as always.
• 15:39
  Julie: Till next time