Latest / Breaking Mayberry / 118: Statue of Liberty Redesign

Transcript

118: Statue of Liberty Redesign · Breaking Mayberry

0:00
Boo. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Breaking Mayberry, the podcast
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that now must legally split its possessions with another human being. That's right,
0:35
I am. I am in wedlock. I have we We've returned after our
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hiatus because I was getting married, y'all. I'm one of your hosts.
0:46
I'm Marty Schneider, and my wife Sarah now owns half of this podcast.
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Sorry Dan, Yeah, partially me now yeah, no, my my wife.
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My wife actually owns twenty five percent of dan uh stakes in Dan Ludwig.
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Now if I if I do a witticism, Sarah's got a quarter of
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that thing. Yeah, yeah, she gets a piece of it. We
1:07
I got married. Dan was my best man, gave a rousing speech,
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a very good best man speech. Crushed it. You nailed it. Everyone
1:15
was very proud of you. We're all very good, very proud of you.
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You managed to strike that balance between this is a legit compliment. Like
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a lot of best man speeches are just like come up and like, hey,
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remember how my friend is a piece of shit? Remember how how like
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you're an idiot for marrying this asshole. Yeah, you know you did some
1:38
of that. You were just like but you were like you were just like,
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hey, Marty, you you called me accurately a cynical curmudgeon, which
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is true, right, Like so you you managed to thread that needle very
1:51
nicely, and it was it was well done, well crafted. Up until
1:55
the last minute, I was adding and deleting insults, trying to get the
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balance just right where I'm like, I want to hurt his feelings, but
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not I don't want to hurt his feelings this much before I say the nice
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stuff, and I feel like it's getting too nice. I gotta add it
2:10
in now. I shouldn't literally call him a dick in front of his family,
2:15
just like I think it was. It was such a fine line to
2:19
walk, I could. I can see the love that you put into it,
2:22
and I appreciate that. I want to tell a story. I want
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to tell a story. I know that we make fun of podcasts for honey
2:31
for vacation stories, but I went on a honeymoon, so I get to
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do this. We went to Saint Lucia, which is an island in the
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Caribbean pretty close to like South America. At that point, like I could
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have gotten a boat and gone to Venezuela and spent a good time of their
2:47
just chilling out looking at cool birds, but also spent a lot of time
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looking at like hiking and walking around. Sarah dragged my ass up not one,
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not two, but three mountains. And there are two main mountains in
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Saint Lucia where you that are like UNESCO heritage sites. These are like the
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places to go. They are called the Petons. There is the grow Peton,
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the Grand Grand Peton, and the Petite Peton. The Grand Peton obviously
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is bigger, but it is actually an easier climb. The Petite Peton is
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much steeper. It's like a straight vertical walk. So we did the the
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grow Peton. The deal with the grow Peton is because it is like a
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heritage site, you have to have a guide. You are not allowed to
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go up there by yourself. You have to go with someone. And it's
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kind of like public defenders. It's kind of like an attorney. You can
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spend money on one, or they'll just give you whoever's around. If you
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go with the one that's that's like directly appointed. There's just like whoever's there.
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So Sarah and I went very early in the morning. We got there
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at like seven in the morning because we wanted to be there before it got
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too too hot, and says, gave us a guy who was this,
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uh, this rastafarian dude. Sarah and I are disagreeing on what his name
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was, but it was something with a B and an O. I'm going
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with Brawny. We've talked about Brody, We've talked about Bunny. I think
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his name was Brawny. Brawny is a is a deeply Rastafarian man with his
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dreads up in a in a bandana. And we talked to him a little
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bit. And one of the first things he says, he asks, you
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know about our hiking and climbing experience. And I think that I am like
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trying to prove myself, like, oh, I know, I know a
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little bit. I'm not like a complete and he just kind of says,
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I'm gonna do a terrible Rastafarian accent here. Yes. No, no,
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no, no, man, no, no, don't worry, don't worry.
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I just made a conversation. I I hear, but I not really
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here, man, okay. And I start thinking, oh, okay,
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I I kind of wish you were here, like I'd like you all year,
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please, And he nudges and goes, you haven't made a man like
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that. You haven't made someone like that. We're here, I'm not here,
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And I think have I ever met a guy who's high at eight in
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the morning? Yes, yes, yes I have. Have I ever of
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them on my way to work? Have I ever given that man fifty dollars
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and asked him to take my wife and I through a dangerous uh like experience?
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No, that's a new one on me. Um So like what the
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first thing he does is go looking for his walking stick, which he keeps
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in a bush. He just digs through the bush. It takes him,
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it takes him a minute to find the stick and he pulls it out and
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it's sorry, pause, I need detail. How old is this man?
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Is he twenties, fifties? What is it? Where's he at? Because
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looking for a walking stick for a young man is weird looking for it for
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like a fifty year old guy, It's like, yeah, he meets his
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fucking stick. He could he could have been anywhere in between their man.
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He could have been. He could have been he was also like he was
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also like a hundred pounds right, Like he's this skinny, scrawny black man
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with with dreads that he's wrapped up. I have no idea how old he
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is. I'm gonna put him at twenty seven, thirty five to forty.
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It's a timeless human being. Just I don't think he was here, but
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he wasn't here, Dan, he doesn't exist on our plane. Yeah,
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and I know that he doesn't exist on our plane, because you know how
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most guides of things will guide you, like we'll hang around and point stuff
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out and zoo. That wasn't Brawny's style. Brawny showed us like the on
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the model where we would go, and then he goes, okay, let's
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go, and he just goes. He just moves because that is all that
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this man does. This man smoke sweed and walks up a mountain. That
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is this entire his entire life. And I don't know, I pardon me,
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thinks that that is probably the best life that you can live. But
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that's what he does. So he just kind of goes and like if he
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gets too far ahead, he'll sit and walk wait for us. But so
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he goes. Sarah's trying to keep which keeps up with him. I'm follow
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At a certain point, I was just like, I'm just dens at my
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own pace. This hike d in um. You know, I hike,
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I'm rock climb. I'm in pretty good physical shape. You know, this
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is the fucking hardest physical thing I've ever done. It was not great,
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honestly. It was just like being on a StairMaster where you skip every other
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stare for like seven hundred feet up like h But he just goes. And
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I don't spend a lot of time interacting with Brownie. I don't. He
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doesn't talk a whole lot. He's just like just kind of ways and hangs
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out with us until we get about a hundred yards from the from the summit,
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like hanging out a base camp where they're like a little spot or a
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hammock you could hang out or whatever, and Braunie just kind of, you
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know, sits down. And by the way, it's funny that I don't
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have any interactions with him, right, Like he's his job is to go
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up and down a mountain and make small talk. He doesn't have to deal
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with, you know, our white nonsense. He doesn't have to deal with
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our bullshit. But then we get almost there and he pulls it, opens
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up his little bag and he pulls out a fucking shopping bag full of weed,
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Yes, a shopping bag full of weed, like like one of those
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thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you bags,
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And it is just coad. Some of it's still on the like on
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the branch. Basically, he's pulling nuggets just straight off and crushing him in
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his hand and just rolling himself up a joint like, okay, it's up
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there, you ready whenever? You are just rolling it up, And so
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we get up there, we're hanging out. It was nice. I saw
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a family of mongooses that was oh yeah, that was fun. Um.
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But he just kind of sits there, he rolls his joint, he smokes
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it, and he just waits for us to like get ready to go back.
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And then then Brownie became very talkative, like a lot more talkative and
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a lot more vocal um. Listen. I obviously have no problem with marijuana.
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Yes I am. I use it, you know sometimes myself. I
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have no issues with this. But I think we can all agree that weed
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guy is like top five most annoying kind of guys to be around, right,
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yes, yeah, especially the like it's a magical herb kind of weed
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guy. He was giving you the pitch. I was just like, you
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don't have to pitch this to me. I was. I just sit there
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and wonder. My big point was just like, why do you need so
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much? Why do you get so much? Right now? You can leave
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some at home. No one is taking anything. We're on a mountain.
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There's no nobody here. Who are you selling to? A hawk flew by
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like man and he was like, hey, man, I got the good
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shit. So, oh god, Marty, I got something to tell you,
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Bud. You're a square. He looked at you and was like,
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I gotta explain weed to this man. I'm not a square because he rolled
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me two joints at the peak of that mountain and just gave them to me.
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He just gave me, so like, that's a good thing, right
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I have. I have weed rolled at the peak of a mountain. That
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is cool. That is a vacation story. But here's the thing, right,
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Like I said, he became a lot more talkative and a lot more
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vocal in general, and sang a lot. And the thing about a thing
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about that kind of particular weed guy is they know a ton of songs,
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but they were all about weed, and they were kind of like the Uh,
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well, you know when my first apartment, there was a guy above
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us who would play a parody song of Margharita Ville where it has changed to
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marijuana Ville, and he would play that over and over and over again,
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probably because he was on something much harder than weed and probably unconscious at that
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point, but he would just play it over and over and over again.
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And I never really understood that parody because it's just it's just swapping out one
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depressant drug for another. It doesn't do anything anyway. It's all kind of
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already about smoking a lot of weed. Yeah, it's already pretty much there.
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I'm pretty sure they mentioned smoking weed in a song anyway. But you
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know that kind of level of like not clever parody. Yeah, Brownie knew
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a lot of those. He knew a lot of those like parody songs,
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but he was also not really good at singing, so you would have to
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kind of guess what the rhythm was supposed to be, Like like high grade
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is going to my head, that is why my eyes will be turning red.
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It takes an hour and a half to get down the mountain, Dan,
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and that is at a strong rate. That's at a good pace.
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You can't tell him to shut the fuck up because if anything goes wrong,
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you're screwed right right. And I was not very like psyched about this.
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He actually told us on the way down, like, you go in front
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of me because I don't want to get you high in my tailwind, like,
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and I was like, I can't. And other people would pass us
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as say go by, and I'm like, oh, what's up. Your
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guide's hanging out with you. That's cool, that's all right, man,
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it's cool. I got I got brody here, and I was like,
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I was worried because a fun fact, I'm gonna take a little slide here
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into a Saint Lucian politics. I was not a part of the island that
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didn't have a hospital, didn't have a hospital. And it's okay, it's
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it's inaccurate to say it doesn't have a hospital. Um, that part of
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the island of Saint Lucia did have a hospital once, and it was apparently
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a very beloved hospital, very beloved institution, but it burned down in two
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thousand and nine. It turned around in two thousand and nine. That was
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thirteen. That was fourteen years ago, and it has taken them this long
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to get the rebuilding done. What they have done since then, what they
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have done since then is their hospital takes place in an Olympic stadium, like
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they have one Olympic track field that has never hosted a single race. Apparently,
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according to the locals, they built this stadium to host like, not
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like the World Games, of the World Youth Games. And then the hospital
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burned down and they've been inside of this stadium for thirteen fourteen years. And
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here's the thing about here's the thing about a stadium When you don't use it
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as a stadium for thirteen years, it starts to fall the fuck apartum.
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It has gone through three different prime minister ten years before this thing gets built.
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So now now the hospital is just a decaying stadium where like ceiling panels
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are just dropping off, and while doctors are like, oh shit, there's
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another one. And they don't like to say this because I've got a feeling
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like, if you know, I feel like a lot of tourists probably wouldn't
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do things like climb up a mountain when you know that there's no hospital.
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Side note, I absolutely love the people of Saint Lucia. I didn't expect
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to fall in love with the people of this island so much. But it
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was great and I'm really pissed on their behalf for how that played out.
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It's like they have not built um the hospital back up. They have,
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however, put a bunch of like sold a bunch of land in South Saint
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Lucia to Chinese investors to try to build a horse racing track. Never that
14:33
never worked because they wanted casinos. And the more I thought about it,
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the dumber of an idea that is, it's a really dumb idea to have
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a horse racing track on an island. You can't. Yeah, it's hard
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to get horses to and from that you can't horse on a boat. Uh
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anyway, So that is so that is how I eventually did get down kind
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of on my own. Uh. Brownie seemed he's got his lot in life.
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He knows his role. He's here, but he's not here. Great
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times I didn't die, And honestly, I gotta be honest, I can't
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say I recommend that hike, like, Yeah, it's it's more of a
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like if you want to do like an endurance thing, like you want to
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like show off your physical strength, great, I think if I go again.
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I'm going to do the really steep one because at least that'll be interesting.
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I might die. Yeah, and so it is. It's so said,
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weak guy used to be such a wonderful figure. But the problem is
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there's not really anti weed guy anymore. Like, yeah, weed guy requires
15:37
his nemesis guy who hates weed, but that doesn't really exist anymore because everybody's
15:45
Republican uncle now smokes blunts. So like it's just the magic is completely gone
15:50
for in fact, there's no more non weed guy. Everybody is weed guy
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now. So being the guy that's super into weed is kind of just being
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like or or you become a weed nerd, Like all you do is just
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list off different types of strains and compounds and chemistry in there and like fun
16:10
for a couple of minutes. Now you're a guy that's really into beer,
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and that guy sucks like they used to be like subversive but in a fun
16:18
way, but now there's nothing. Oh, the magic's gone from it.
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But um so I have my thing I need to tell you about. Is
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um So, how did you spend your hangover day after your wedding party?
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Uh? I ordered room service at the hotel. I actually did go back
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to the venue and pick up our ship and then I don't remember. Okay,
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so that was Sunday. I woke up after your wedding, um,
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and I you know, stumbling around, kind of you know, holding it
16:52
together. And I walk into my kitchen and what I'm greeted by is like
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fifty flies. So I methodically kill them one by one. I'm like,
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oh, that's kind of weird. I don't know how a bunch of flies
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got in here. Um, I haven't taken out the trash yet. Were
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they like big flies? Where like big motherfuckers like house flies? Um?
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So I like methodically kill them all, and I'm like, I wonder,
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and they just kind of keep coming back, like one of them. There's
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just suddenly another fly, and I'm like, where the fuck are they coming
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from? So I go into my new basement I just moved into a house,
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um, and I am greeted by dozens of flies. Pisplode out of
17:38
my basement and I go downstairs and there are so many flies, not hundreds,
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but triple digits, a lot of fucking flies. And it turns out
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that what like at least a hundreds okay, not hundreds, plural but at
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least a hundred Okay, so a lot of fucking flies. And it turns
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out that the people that lived in my house before me, there's like a
18:06
window out of my basement um that is open, that was open a crack.
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They left it open, just like a little bit, and in that
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crack, like a fly, a fly nest was created, and those flies
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got into my basement and bread and filled my basement. So I spent the
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next five hours committing what I can only describe as flies genocide. Oh god,
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I methodically I got a spray bottle full of cleaning supplies and hung over
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right now and I'm so hungover, and a paper towel, and I methodically
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stalked my basement, killing flies, finding their nests, killing their children.
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Like I became a different creature after, like I thought, I was like,
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I spent a half hour killing the fucking flies. This will take a
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second, um and then cut to three hours later. I am no longer
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a person. There is nothing, There is nothing to me except the murder
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of insects. I'm like I And it truly felt like genocide after a point,
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because I was like methodically killing them one by one, and I was
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like, should I feel bad about the amount of death I am inflicting.
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I'm like, well, they're subhumans, so it doesn't count. I'm like,
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well, nope, that feels that feels more like it now that feels
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worse. I mean, they literally are not human. But yeah, okay,
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this is this is gross. Man, it was grotesque. I was
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like, man, I was like out running errands the entire day, and
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she would check in and be like, hey, babe, how's it going,
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how's the stuff with the basement? Be Like I would just text like
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I'm not a person anymore now, all right, I don't know who I
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am. I've been in this basement so long. This place is a carnival
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of death. And I along here like I was just stalking around being like,
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this is my house. You can't have it. This is my home.
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Okay, I'm pay too goddamn mush to live here to share it with
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flies. Like at one point I went to the hardware store and I bought
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a bunch of fly paper and I was like, do you have anything else
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that can kill a bunch of flies? And he was like poison And I
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just like slammed my car down on the counter, be like give me all
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of it. Like I was like wild eyed because again hungover, like throbbing
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pain in my head, and I'm just it was nightmarish experience. I was,
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I am different now. There was who I was before Sunday, and
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there is who it is now. I am forever changed by what I have
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seen and what I have done. So yeah, so this is that.
21:00
That is one of the grossest intros we've ever done. And we've had multiple
21:03
intros dedicated to my testicles. Yes, so like that's a good enough note.
21:07
Let's go ahead and go to our episodes today. We are starting season
21:12
five, episode eight, Barney's Uniform, written by Bill Idelson and Sam Bobrick.
21:21
Originally airs November ninth, nineteen sixty four. That seems like a day
21:23
that something important happened that I didn't look up. Directed by Kobe Ruskin.
21:27
It seems like it's probably It seems like it's probably an election day. You're
21:30
one sent in summery from Wikipedia. Barney starts wearing his uniform all the time
21:36
after a grocery employee named Fred threatens to beat him up the next time he
21:40
sees him in plain clothes. So, um, we've seen this before.
21:48
This is this is like almost exactly the same bit as Barney being bullied by
21:56
the farmers luding including the same guy, the same guy, Alan Melvin.
22:03
It's always this guy, but he's playing different characters. They've had this guy
22:07
on like six different times and he's always just a goshole. He's there guy,
22:12
He's he's there, Lex Luthor. Basically, they're like he's the closest
22:17
that they have to a moriarity because he's just there when they need somebody to
22:21
be a dick or a hotel detective, they get this motherfucker in here.
22:26
I will say it is better than the farmers one sort of it's sort of
22:30
better, sort of worse, and that the farmers were just jerks who were
22:37
mean. Freddy is an American goddamn hero, Fred Plumber. I'm getting a
22:45
tattoo of that man that will confuse everybody because Fred Plumber kicks so much fucking
22:55
ass because he specifically says, Hey, I respect you right now as a
22:59
cop, but you're a man, and I'm gonna beat the shit out of
23:02
you. In fact, I'm gonna go tell Andy that I'm gonna beat the
23:04
shit out of you. And you know what, whatever consequences come of it.
23:08
Bring it on, do it. I don't know, I'm gonna beat
23:12
the shit out of a cop. No fear, fear, no fucking fear
23:18
on Fred, Right Fred. To be clear, Fred does deserve the ticket
23:22
that Barney gives him, right Fred. No, Okay, So I okay,
23:30
So let's let's go through it because I did do the math on what
23:33
the ticket comes out to, and I did notice something on my second watch
23:37
through. Okay, um, okay, So do we want to go scene
23:41
by scene? I mean we can? We can? Yeah, I think
23:44
so, because the I was gonna say that this does go fucking wild.
23:48
It follows, It follows a very familiar cadence up unto a point, and
23:55
then it takes a very hard turn into something yeah we haven't seen before,
24:00
Yeah, something pretty new. So so I want to tease that and go
24:03
on. But so, okay, Barney and Andy are kind of hanging out
24:07
on the bench outside of the courthouse and Barney is just talking about how the
24:14
dry cleaners lost his suit and they continuity it's still Fred Goss. They're like,
24:18
God, damn it, Fred Goss, alcoholic lost my suit? Was
24:25
Shane smoking? Busybody? Asshole? Fred Goss. Why why is the only
24:30
dry cleaner in this town's like susceptible to regular brownouts. I don't know,
24:37
someone should look into that. The American tradition of monopolies run by incompetent old
24:42
white men. But anyway, he's really excited. He's upset. He's thinking
24:48
about his suit. He wanted to take his new suit, his old his
24:51
salt and pepper suit. Wanted to take it out dancing because there's a dance
24:55
on Wednesday, and he thinks that suit is just perfect for dancing, but
24:59
he doesn't have it. It's they see Fred Fred works for the grocery company,
25:04
for the grocery store, and he's just sweeping out the sidewalk, but
25:08
he's sweeping all of the side the trash from the sidewalk into the gutter.
25:14
And Barney and Andy are like, well, we should talk to him about
25:15
that. And Barney says, I've given him three warnings. I have told
25:18
him to pick that stuff up and put it in the bin three different times.
25:23
And what Andy suggests is, well, let's go talk to his boss
25:29
and have his boss talk to him, and Barney says, no, I'm
25:33
going to handle this personally, and He says something to the effect of like,
25:37
I'm going to show him whose boss. So this is the important thing.
25:41
Is a low, a non escalatory way of dealing with this is presented,
25:48
something that'll probably get Freddy to stop it. He'll get yelled at by
25:52
his boss, but won't like cause a bunch of problems. So that's important.
25:59
Barney goes is over and you know, friends like that. That's true
26:03
and Andy. Andy does offer a solution that doesn't need to be like a
26:07
confrontation, or at least not a confrontation they need to be involved in.
26:10
In fact, Andy himself, not because he has any altruistic motives, but
26:14
because he's a lazy son of a bitch, suggests the part where the police
26:18
don't get involved. He's like, yeah, we can involve, we can
26:21
settle this without direct police confrontation. Yes, whereas Barney's like, direct police
26:26
confrontation, that's my middle name. The thing that um Andy especially says is
26:33
listen, man, you shouldn't go do this right now. You're really pissed
26:37
off because they lost your suit. You should wait a little bit before dealing
26:41
with this. And Barney is like, no, I'm going to I completely
26:44
agree that I am about to vent my frustration all over this civilian. Yeah
26:49
fuck it. Um. So he goes over, Um starts yelling at him.
26:56
Fred just basically says like, hey, I'm not I'm sorry, I'll
27:00
pick it up. I forgot you did tell me. Um, And Barney
27:03
says, you're littering, to which Fred says like, not really littering,
27:07
because I'm not putting trash down. I'm just taking the trash from over here,
27:11
and I'm putting it over here and I'm gonna pick it up later.
27:15
Um. So it's not like, I mean, he should be picking up
27:19
the fucking trash and not putting it into this stripping. Yeah, come on,
27:22
but it's not like sense. Yeah, but it's dickish. But again
27:27
he's I agree that It's like, it's not like he's throwing trash down.
27:30
He's just moving it slightly. He's not the source of the trash. Yes,
27:37
Um, take that up with the guy that put the trash in the
27:38
first place. Barney gives him a ticket for four dollars with thirty eight dollars.
27:45
Yeah, yeah, thirty eight dollars. Fuck you. You have the
27:48
inflation calculator too. I was proud that I did it this time. Yeah,
27:52
so thirty eight dollars, to which Fred says like, are you fucking
27:56
serious thirty eight dollars because at first he's like, all right, yeah,
28:00
give me a ticket. Are you kidding me? Thirty eight bucks for this?
28:03
And Barney, see, it's about the exact amount as getting a parking
28:07
ticket from the Philadelphia Parking Authority. It's like forty five bucks the first thing
28:11
you get a ticket, and it's the same feeling. I'm like, are
28:15
you fucking kidding me with this bullshit? Yeah? Which the thing Barney sites
28:18
is that you are obstructing a highway by putting trash into it. So I'm
28:26
going to say it, this interaction is complete horseshit. Yeah, Fred should
28:30
have been doing his job better, he shouldn't have been putting trash in the
28:34
street. But Andy's course of action would have completely solved that. And thirty
28:41
eight dollars for littering is bullshit. It is a bullshit fine. I mean,
28:45
I'm I am at the point in my life where like a forty dollars
28:51
ticket won't break me, but it will ruin my fucking day. But but
28:56
I don't work for a grocery store when I did work for a grocery store.
29:00
Forty dollars would destroy my mother, Yes, would be fucking ruined.
29:06
Like this guy. They specifically say his job is to sweep up at the
29:10
grocery store. They're not like, oh, you know, he's a bagger,
29:12
but also we sleeping sweeping around. It's no, he's he's he's paid.
29:18
Dog shit. He's a grocery store janitor in a town that thinks it's
29:21
totally fine to have, you know, to keep an indangured servant at at
29:26
the gas station. Z. Like, so he's not making much that that
29:30
forty dollars is hurting him. Yeah, he just fucked up the guy's entire
29:34
month. Yeah. Um so what Fred says again American hero deserves to be
29:41
on the statue of Liberty. In the Andy Griffith universe. What he says
29:45
is, you're the I thought you were a good like like like piggybacking onto
29:49
her, or we met I know you met Rushmore, I know you.
29:56
But now I want to play this out. I want to play this No,
30:00
no, no, he should Yeah, are we are? We are
30:04
we removing Lady Liberty herself and replacing her with Fred? Or is he like
30:11
mounting her. Is he like like like leg humping her like a dog,
30:15
or or are they like making out on there is the statue of liberty.
30:19
No, no, lady liberty just making out with this guy who threatens cops.
30:23
Let me answer your question with a question. Have you ever seen total
30:26
recall? Is he gonna be like a third boob? He? No,
30:33
he's quato man, he's coming out of the chest. Okay, I stand
30:37
for freedom more than any statue. That's how you do it. I agree.
30:44
But like you mentioned total recall, I can think it was the lady
30:47
with the third boob, but okay, that's what everybody goes. Well,
30:48
he will kind of be the third boo. I mean, I mean we're
30:52
both correct. Okay, Okay, go on, go on. I'm keeping
31:03
all of that in what he What he says is I thought you were a
31:07
nice guy, seemed like a good dude, But now I know you're just
31:11
a fucking cop. You're You're just another cop who thinks he's better than me
31:18
because he's a cop and thinks he can push us normal people around. Well,
31:22
guess what, I gotta do what you say right now because you're a
31:26
cop, but you gotta take off that uniform at some point and then quote,
31:30
I am going to break every bone in your body, just basically multiple
31:36
different ways of saying I am going to beat the living shit out of you
31:41
the second you are off duty. And then Barney is like, you can't
31:48
threaten an officer, and he's like, I'm not threatening an officer. I'm
31:51
threatening you after five o'clock, like fucking sick kicks. Ass those balls on
32:00
this man a cup with a gun. Just look him. It's so weird
32:06
and obviously I don't want to watch, you know, Bartney Fife shoot a
32:08
man, but it's so weird that like this dude is always always so ready
32:12
to grab the gun for like dust bunnies, but like when there is a
32:16
direct threat upon his life, doesn't go Okay, you're under arrest now because
32:22
as he very justifiably could have done. He's like, I'm a fucking coward.
32:29
It is. It is. The thing about it is, at no
32:31
point does anyone even suggest threat arresting Fred Plumber because they both know that he
32:38
would just be like, nah, not into that. Don't you defeat me
32:44
an unarmed combat, and then we'll talk about you arresting me. But I
32:47
don't see it happen, and I don't think you got the stones, and
32:52
then they would and he got there. Even when Handy finds out like and
32:55
he's like, well, I could arrest you, but that wouldn't involved doing
33:00
my job. So it has been fairly established in the in the past that
33:07
if you do not respect Andy's authority, he has no power, no power,
33:12
he can't do anything. He's kind of like Peter Pan, you have
33:15
to believe are if not. If not for the fact that that we've seen
33:22
like others him talk to other state officials, I would start to wonder if
33:27
Andy's actually a cop, Like, yeah, it kind of seems like like
33:31
it's he only is in that position because Mayberry just kind of says he thinks
33:36
he's he thinks he's yeap, just let him go. We've seen we've seen
33:39
him, we've seen him interact with other police, so that's my only evidence.
33:45
But man, it really does seem like it's just like a like a
33:47
big just agreed upon bit that everybody in Mayberry's in on, like they're all
33:52
just kind of like, listen, we had fun with you being a cop,
33:55
but push comes to shove, what are you going to find can do
34:00
like you got nothing. Um, he's a cop in the same way that
34:06
like your kid is a restaurant tour by serving you like lumpy oatmeal and cereal
34:10
in the morning. It's the same. Yeah all right, yeah, So
34:15
anyway, so he threatens Barney, and Barney like pisses his pants basically hard.
34:22
Cut to to church the next day where they do a cute little thing
34:27
about the preacher talking about loaded dice, is like, oh, God always
34:31
loads the dice against the sinners or some shit like that, and Obie is
34:36
like, what are loaded dice, paw and and he's like, oh,
34:38
you'll learn about that later when you're a compulsive gambler. H Yeah. I
34:43
was like, that's a weird thing to tell you to tell your son,
34:46
Like you'll understand when you're older, Like you can explain to Opie what loaded
34:52
dice are. He knows what dice, he knows what cheating is. Yeah,
34:55
you just like it's a thing that people used to cheat at games.
34:58
Okay, weird, weird thing too, But then again again once again and
35:02
he's like, well that would require me to be a parent, So nah,
35:08
listen, I'm going to explain what loaded dice are to you. But
35:12
when you need them, son, Like when they are the only thing standing
35:15
between you and a pair of concrete shoes, that's when I'll break out the
35:21
Andy Griffith loaded dice. That's true, he's got he's got them up on
35:24
a box in a box, up on a shelf next to his magic fishing
35:28
rod. Just like these these are waiting for you when you need them the
35:31
most. Hope he's are waiting for you. Like he like takes it down
35:35
and he like blows dust off the box to be like, I can't tell
35:37
you how many times these things have saved my life. And now they're they're
35:42
ready for you, and they're like like mate out of wood or something.
35:45
Yeah, like they'll always land on sixes, bet on sixes. And Opie's
35:50
like, dice don't look like this anymore. You know that they supply their
35:54
own dice plastic. Now can I have the gun instead? I think that'll
36:02
be more helpful, all right? So so yeah, so Barney comes out
36:09
and the Preacher's like, hey, I uh, I noticed you wore your
36:15
uniform, Barney. You've never done that before. What's the deal. And
36:17
Barney says something like, oh, I just wanted to, you know,
36:20
remind everybody that we're always watching. You know, collection plate's got a lot
36:23
of money in it these days, eh eh, And Andy kind of look
36:28
gives him tho the look that, and he gives him the look that I
36:30
gave my father multiple times at my wedding, the look of the fuck did
36:35
you just say? Man? Andy pulls him off to the side and it's
36:38
just like, what what the hell, man, why are you wearing your
36:42
uniform? And Barney's like, I just want to wear my uniform cut to
36:45
the Yeah. One thing Barney says, like there's a lot of money in
36:50
that collection plate, and the priest gives him a look of like, what
36:53
you're saying, man, Huh, you're saying we're bringing in too much money?
36:57
Is that what you're saying, You're saying we're robbing these people blind?
37:00
Huh? Like he takes a fence to it, but like in a way
37:01
of like, you're saying, there's too much money in the collection plate,
37:05
motherfucker. Huh what's you're trying to say? Um? I think he like
37:09
like his and he was like, dude, you can't say shit like I
37:13
can't say that. Yeah. The next next scene is very much the same.
37:15
Like Barney comes over to him, still wearing the uniform and and he's
37:20
like, hey man, it's your day off. What are you doing.
37:23
Why are you wearing this? Uh? And Andy says or and Barney does
37:29
the same, stack like why does it bother you so much that I'm wearing
37:31
my uniform? And they look over and Fred Goss is there. Fred Goss
37:36
looks out, he comes out and he crosses his arm and he stares at
37:39
Barney and I feel like I wanted him to say, that's not what I
37:44
meant, and you know it. Side note, by the way, side
37:51
note, I just realized throughout this episode they refer to Fred Goss as mister
37:55
Goss every time they have to talk about old man Goss, old man go
38:00
right, they do that, And I think I realized that they did that
38:02
because they also named the bad guy in this episode Fred, so they could
38:07
be old Fred or whatever. So rather than giving Fred Plummer literally any other
38:14
name, this is a brand new character. You could call him anything,
38:19
Jack, George, Joe. There's so many names, guys. They're just
38:22
like, no, we're in too deep. We built the entire character around
38:27
him being named Fred. All right, it's integral. It's integral. We
38:30
can't change it. I get that you you could have just had two people
38:34
named Fred. That's true. That's true, but I would say not in
38:37
the same episode. That would get confusing anyway. Yeah, you could have
38:39
just named I know that, like you didn't have fine and replace anymore.
38:43
But it couldn't be that hard. You had white out. Yeah. Uh,
38:49
maybe they'd already filmed scenes calling him Fred, Like they didn't start,
38:52
they didn't do it chronologically, that's true. Yeah, and they like they
38:58
got to the part where they had to call talk about their dry cleaning and
39:00
they were like, fuck, we're so bad at our jobs. So yeah,
39:06
at this point, Fred is like looking at him, just kind of
39:08
arms folded, and Andy starts to be like, so, what's what's going
39:13
on, man, what's up? Barney of course denies everything and storms off
39:20
and they go into they go to the office. They're in the sheriff's office.
39:28
Fred comes in is like and Andy says, well, hi Fred,
39:31
and Barney is just like staring off into space. Oh oh, we find
39:37
out that that old man Goss found Barney's suit. This is the last straw
39:45
they found Barney's suit. They accidentally sent it to a guy named Fits not
39:49
Fife. They've got Barney's suit back, and Andy's like, well, aren't
39:52
you excited? You can go over there and get it now and you can
39:58
wear it to the dance on Wednesday. And Barney's like, you know,
40:00
I was gonna wear my uniform on Wednesday. And he's like, when was
40:04
the last time you washed that thing? He doesn't actually say it, but
40:07
I was thinking it and I hope he would say it. Uh no,
40:10
And he's like, okay, man, what is going on? They could
40:14
have done a whole thing with Barney's suit starting to smell really bad. They
40:17
could have been like, hey man, your uniform is starting to stink like.
40:22
They could have played it more and be like, yeah, he's wearing
40:25
it at home, he's They could have shown all the unorthodox places for him
40:29
to be wearing it. I have to assume he owns more than one uniform
40:32
that but like he wouldn't. It's it's kind of like the Tobias fuk never
40:37
knude thing right, Like he would never he would never take this off for
40:39
fear that like friend's gonna pop out of the closet and be like bam.
40:45
Yeah, So He's wearing the same one over and over. You could start
40:49
to do a thing where like he starts to take off the suit and then
40:52
suddenly Fred's head is just like pops up in a window, and then he
40:55
puts it back on hastily. He's sleeping in it. Right on the off
41:01
chance that Fred is like a mythological feat creaturely, he's a gin that will
41:07
just appear out of the shadows and sock him in the nose. Fred's so
41:12
fucking in his head. It's awesome, Fred, it rules uh, honestly,
41:19
honestly, honestly, at this point, I would love it if Fred
41:22
had just been like, man, I don't I don't even want to hit
41:24
him anymore. This is way better. This is so much better. Yeah,
41:30
just I'm halfing the time of his life. If anything, I've done
41:34
more psychological damage than I could ever hope to do with my body bones,
41:39
heel trauma. Doesn't like this is this is forever. I'm doing the best.
41:45
This, This worked out way better than I could have hoped for.
41:47
I didn't know what I was getting into. He's worn the same outfit for
41:52
days. That's you can't you can't buy that kind of punishment. Hell yeah,
41:57
people are crossing the street when they see him because of the smell.
42:00
Like yeah, so anyway, So so Fred does in fact come in to
42:06
pay his ticket. Fred comes in to pay his ticket, and Barney won't
42:12
even look at him, and then he runs away. It's like I'm gonna
42:15
go out, and he disappears. Oh. Fred comes in like really swinging
42:20
dick, just like like kind of like struts in in a suit, be
42:23
like, I'm gonna pay your bullshit ticket, and then looks Andy dead in
42:29
the eye and just goes like, hey, I just want you to know
42:31
I'm going to beat the piss out of your deputy. And and he's like,
42:37
well, I think you shouldn't do that. And then Fred's like,
42:38
that's none of your business. It's between me and him, to which I
42:43
would say, friend, then why did you tell him? Yeah yeah,
42:45
yeah, yeah, yeah, like yeah, be like and he's like,
42:50
I feel like I should intervene. And then Friend's like, I don't see
42:53
how that's any business of yours, even if he wasn't a cop. You
42:58
are telling a guy and and and he doesn't even say like, hey,
43:01
you're not allowed to do that. And he's just like I don't agree with
43:05
that course of action. I'm sorry. Friends, Like, what are you
43:07
my dad? Fuck off? I'm sorry, Like, you can't tell a
43:10
cop that I'm gonna go beat up that guy. That's not Yeah, you
43:15
should be. There should be things that happen from that. Oh that's actually
43:20
a good a good uh side note here, that's a good way to slide
43:22
this. Uh. There is a little bit of disagreement in this about this
43:30
show. In an episode in the ultra label Mayberry wiki, uh you fandom
43:36
user Building posted on three twenty eight, twenty twenty one, another example of
43:42
terrible sheriffing. The guy threatens Barney and I'm sorry, Building, Can I
43:46
see his post history? Like because he says another example, I can't.
43:52
I can't he is he doing our job? He we found a heretic?
43:58
Another example of terrible sheriff The guy threatens Barney with physical harm. Barney is
44:04
not only a police officer, but a good friend of Andy, and Andy
44:07
does nothing question mark question mark with friends like Andy? Who does? Who
44:10
needs enemies? Question Mark question Mark? And then a year later, April
44:15
of twenty twenty two, an anonymous fandom user says, if you thought Andy
44:21
did nothing. Then you watch a different episode than most of the rest of
44:23
us. Most of the rest of us. Also in twenty nineteen, a
44:29
fantom user said, the end of this episode is the same as the beginning
44:31
of season one episode eighteen. Interesting, I don't remember that. And so,
44:39
yeah, the question is does Andy do something? What Andy does is
44:46
weird. I am going to I'm gonna say Fred doesn't seem to totally understand
44:52
how cops work. I think we can attribute some of this up to being
44:58
courageous, but also some of it too. He's having a little bit of
45:01
trouble wrapping his head around to the cop thing as it as as exampled in
45:07
his conversation with Andy, he is very lucky that he had that he happens
45:13
to have recently moved into a town where his understanding of cops completely lines up
45:17
with the way it works. So yeah. So then Andy finally confronts Barney
45:29
about what is going on, and we get to the left turn that you
45:32
talked about. Yeah. So, so Barney does confess what's going on,
45:40
but in true Barney fashion, he says, listen, I can't take my
45:45
uniform off because I've been studying my judo I've been going out to Mount Pilot
45:50
and doing my judo, and my hands are deadly weapons. Andy. If
45:52
I take my uniform off, that's like goading him into a fight. And
45:55
I don't. I don't want to hurt the man. You've seen Han Air,
46:00
Andy, I don't want to get con aired. They eat me alive.
46:05
Have you seen that movie? Steve Buschen is in it. He's a
46:08
serial killer. They'll fuck me up. You got that boy, that guy
46:15
John Malcolmitch Malcolm. Yeah, I can't. I can't. I can't die
46:20
hard on a plane. Andy. You know how the kind of vertigo I
46:22
get. Let's see what happens. Okay. So, so Barney says he's
46:25
been practicing his judo and he doesn't want to to hurt the man. And
46:30
then and he does some investigation into this. Rather than do anything, he
46:37
drives to Mount Pilot. He does so much more work, completely in the
46:44
wrong direction. Literally, he drives over to Mount Pilot and goes and talks
46:49
to Barney's judo instructor. He's like, he tries to solve the mystery of
46:54
whether or not Barney is good at judo, which is the thing he should
47:00
be the most sure of in the world that the answer is no, like
47:06
on the off chance of, like, oh is my uh buck thirty soaking
47:10
wet uh a communculous full of dead leaves deputy within the last six months,
47:16
did he become physically capable? Uh? And so you texted me when we
47:24
were talking about this that uh, racism is a factor in in this,
47:30
which didn't occur to me the first time I watched it. Yeah, I
47:35
mean the they it's it's my it's not that bad. I'm okay, no,
47:39
no, I'm not gonna say that. Okay, here's here's it's they
47:43
it's it's it's not egregious. They do they do the thing where he doesn't
47:47
use uh verb tenses. You know, he doesn't use you or that,
47:52
you know, so they interest We're gonna I'm just gonna kind of I think
47:57
the way to do it is, like, I don't want to rate amount
48:00
of races. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. So I
48:02
think I'm going to present the various facts of the judo instructor character whose name
48:09
is he's a modo. Yeah, So they introduce Barnies, Uh, the
48:17
instructor of Barney's dojo, mister e's Amodo played by Yuki Shimoda, Yes,
48:24
who is apparently just had a bunch of film appearances all throughout the sixties and
48:29
through the eighties. So despite the fact that he is from California and speaks
48:36
perfectly good English, they do make that character speak in like um, not
48:40
broken English, but like you know the thing where like he doesn't say uh,
48:46
he doesn't say prepositions. Um like he says like, oh no,
48:52
he kill him, like right right, that's the word I was looking for.
48:55
Prepositions, you know, the use prepositions. It's not breakfast at Tiffany's
49:00
bad by any metric, like if kind of if you're not listening for it,
49:05
he does, but he does do the Charlie Chan voice right a little
49:08
bit. Yeah and and and it's that and and the music that they play
49:14
when he's on is it's not quite Dana nt nitt nitt na, but it's
49:19
close. There's a gong they yeah so um yeah, So it's not it's
49:24
not egregious, but it's also there. Um on the on the up side,
49:30
um kicks ass. That's the flip side. Is mister, mister,
49:35
mister he's Amoto rules a long time that's okay. It's it's kind of a
49:42
flip thing, which is like, um, you know, but the main
49:45
this guy being kick ass doesn't excuse whether or not it's racist, doesn't make
49:50
it not racist if it if he fucking rules. But that said, he
49:54
is the joke is never on mister Easomoto. Mister Easamoto does nothing but beat
50:00
ass. Uh. He fucking rules. Um, and he is the best
50:06
guy. He is a complete bro. He fucking rules. Like like he
50:10
comes like Andy comes in, is like, hey, man, um,
50:14
can I ask you a question about one of your students? And Ethmode is
50:16
like, yeah, man, what's up? You know Barney And he's like,
50:20
oh yeah, Barney. Basically he's like Barney, good guy like him,
50:24
tries really really hard. He comes in here and he gives it one
50:29
hundred and ten percent um and then Andy goes basically it's like, uh,
50:37
if he were to get into a fight, how do you think he'd do?
50:39
And he basically asks like, well, how much does this guy weigh?
50:44
About two hundred pounds? Oh no, he'll fucking kill him. You
50:45
gotta stop that. Are you his friends that fight that? You leave?
50:51
You leave here? You go stop that from happening. I don't care what
50:53
you gotta do. And he says that we call him the chicken because his
51:00
ownes are so brittle that they'll easily break. But I do like this.
51:05
I like this little bit of character bit. They call him the chicken,
51:07
and Andy goes, oh, because he's scared of stuff and misery. Mos
51:12
like, he's not scared of anything. We call him the chicken. We
51:15
call him the chicken because he's he'll snap. But like, I like that
51:19
little bit of characterization. If you're you're creating your Barney D and d R
51:22
character sheet right now, Barney just rushes into everything. He's not scared at
51:29
all. In that judo class, he's just ready to kick some ass all
51:32
the time. He just sucks at it. I like that little bit of
51:35
characterization it creates. It's a great image of Barney going in there given one
51:39
hundred and ten percent, not giving up, but just getting absolutely wiped out
51:45
by the children's class, just like just getting fucking a niloge at the point
51:51
where they're like, we have to be careful because we are all aware we
51:54
could kill this man by accident. I want to say, it's very interesting
51:58
that you and I are sitting there like poking at like how racist this portrayal
52:02
is, whereas a fandom user on the old label Mayberry Wiki is using this
52:08
is using mister Issamoto's existence as a as a defense right as a way to
52:17
show how progressive the show the episode was. Well, let me let me,
52:22
let me explain this a little bit. So anonymous fandom user in twenty
52:27
seventeen says, what a bizarre plot. When in the world have we ever
52:31
seen any hint that there were any Asian or Asian American persons anywhere within the
52:37
vicinity of Mayberry. The plot premise of a whimpie character being bullied by somebody
52:42
else is certainly related enough to the show, but that particular turn of the
52:45
plot just seems to come out of nowhere. So to be clear, this
52:49
guy is not upset about I mean, yes, there's that there's an Asian
52:54
guy in the show. Yes, there is a weird turn right here.
52:58
What Andy's about to do is very weird, and it's a very weird,
53:00
out of nowhere thing, But that's not the part this guy sounds upset about
53:05
it. The guy sounds upset that there's an Asian guy on his show.
53:07
A year later, a different fandom user says, well, listen, we've
53:15
seen we've seen a Chinese restaurant. Apparently in season seven, Aunt B might
53:20
buy a Chinese restaurant spoiler alert. So yeah, so he's using the existence
53:28
of mister Issamoto as as an argument that that the Andy Griffith Show is actually
53:32
very progressive ahead of its time, introducing characters of color and different ethnicity as
53:38
respected citizens in the community, and then pulling out the white board and doing
53:43
the whole see there's black people in the background kind of thing that we've seen
53:45
seven million times before. It's so weird how many different angles we're all approaching
53:52
this from. I mean, okay, I'm gonna say it right now.
53:54
Like number one, that's still bullshit, right, We've seen how we've said
53:59
how many times that's bullshit it because there already were like plenty of black and
54:02
Asian roles on TV at the time. You're not trailblazers, So yeah,
54:07
that's horseshit. But so one, there's such a precedent for like, for
54:15
Asian people being in this area. They talk about going for Chinese food constantly.
54:20
It's like, that's not an raid argument. I mean, no,
54:22
but it's like the guy was basically saying, like, there's no there's no
54:27
precedent for Asian people being in this area. But they mentioned Chinese food,
54:30
and they have talked about judo classes all over the last couple of seasons,
54:36
and and and it's not made marry it's in Mount Pilot. He said that
54:38
he's going over to the bigger city, which apparently has a bigger Asian pipe.
54:43
I can't believe that we're doing this. Yeah, man, you're just
54:45
being a raci okay, but getting away from that, getting yeah, yeah,
54:47
you have fandom using us, you're just being racist. Yes, so
54:52
I'm arguing with a fucking racist person. Um, okay, racist person from
54:58
twenty eighteen. So in terms of non white representation on The Andy Griffith Show,
55:04
I mean, this episode basically gets the Medal of fucking freedom by that
55:08
unbelievably low bar, because not only is there a person of color, they
55:15
on screen for more than five seconds, has multiple lines, is speaking lines,
55:22
yeah great, Oh my does is a hero, It does cool stuff
55:30
and hangs out with the main characters. I wish I wish he had shown
55:34
up again. I just look, he doesn't show up again. Oh no,
55:37
no, they're not. They're not doing this again. I wish he
55:42
had been a recurring character. That would have been great. So he takes
55:45
the suit and he goes to Fred and he's like, hey, man,
55:50
you know what I just saw. I just saw Barney take off his taco
55:54
of his uniform. But listen, you gotta be careful. He knows him
56:00
some judo he've been practice in. But you know, if a man's gonna
56:06
do a thing, a man's gonna do a thing, you go ahead and
56:07
do this. Just fucking arrest him. And he come on, man,
56:10
I mean yeah, I can't say that. The solution is no better.
56:17
I can't arresting the guy. So all right, let's just okay, so
56:22
you all know where this is going. He puts mister Issamoto in the suit,
56:27
in Barney's suit, and so Fred goes to attack him. He's actually
56:30
attacking mister Issamoto, and mister Issamoto does a judo flip on him and kicks
56:35
his ass. Is that better than arresting him? I don't know. He
56:39
gets a guy to beat the shit out of That's all he does is just
56:44
pick another guy to beat him up. Yeah, it's basically police brutality.
56:49
He doesn't outsourced it. Yeah, he just took police brutality and he outsourced
56:53
it to the Asian guy. He's ahead of a herb. Oh god,
57:04
yeah, so yeah it's outsource police brutality. Um, they show mister Easomoto
57:09
beating the shit out a friend. Yeah, also really good, I will
57:15
say, Oh, it's a good fucking fight scene. Like they show mister
57:20
Issamoto flipping him twice. But um, how good of a guy is?
57:25
How good of a guy is mister Issamoto? Man? Where somebody's like,
57:29
hey, I know you're busy, but do you want to put on my
57:31
friend's suit and go, uh pretend to be him until somebody physically attacks you
57:37
mean, and then beat the shit of that person. I mean, Mistermoto
57:40
is like, yeah, let me lock up, let's fucking roll, let's
57:44
do this, bro. I mean he's Amoto. Is Barney's friend too,
57:46
right, Like they're like him and he's Amoto is like okay because he just
57:52
said yeah, Barney's in danger, so like he's down. He's down for
57:54
it. Hero, absolute hero, he's in mister Issamoto. That's the fucking
58:00
man two. It's this is really a clash of titans of guys. I
58:06
like, um, between Fred American Hero and mister Issamoto grade a good guy,
58:14
just the chilliest bro if there ever was one. Um, it's it's
58:20
like a reverse alien versus predator. I both want them to be best friends
58:23
and hang out. I want them to Yeah, I want him to get
58:25
a beer and just like complain about Barney, not like talk about assaulting Barney.
58:30
But if Emoto is just like, I know he's annoying, Yeah,
58:35
I want to just I'll I'll give you four bucks right now, Like let's
58:38
just go have a beer and just like talk about how annoying he is.
58:43
Which you know, what would have been a much better resolution to this fucking
58:50
thing is if Fred had joined Barney's judo class and then just gotten to beat
58:59
the shit out of him, um recreational class. That would be great.
59:02
Yeah, that would have been so tighty. Like they could have done the
59:06
thing where Andy's like setting them up to fight, but then they run into
59:09
each other be like, oh yeah, we get we talked. He's gonna
59:12
join the judo class. It's all under the water of the bridge. And
59:15
then you do a cut to Barney at class seeing Fred. They're waiting for
59:20
him Yeah, that would have been bang boom, really funny. Yeah,
59:24
really funny. Quick Floory right on that. Um, so uh yeah,
59:30
so that's what they do. Then Andy gives Barney a big speech about like
59:37
you're the law, you gotta represent the law even when you're not wearing a
59:42
U, wearing a badge. He does that. He does the same speech
59:45
he did with the farmers. Did the same thing. Listen does the limp
59:51
wristed Judge dred I am the law speech. Um, it's the same thing.
59:57
This shares so much of the same DNA. Listen, I gotta tell
1:00:00
you what we are as were recording this. We are day two of the
1:00:04
Writer's Guild of America striking. Yes, support the writers, support the workers,
1:00:07
the people who make UM. But I think I think it's making sense
1:00:10
now why the writers are so undervalued because the last time any of these fucking
1:00:15
CEOs watched television instead of just making money off it, Yeah, I'm sorry,
1:00:21
the last time any the CEO's watched TV, it was this shit.
1:00:22
So the CEOs like, yeah, writing in that hard, you can apparently
1:00:27
just use the same episode two or three times. Nobody notices. Jesus,
1:00:31
Yeah, I get it. I understand. I understand their ideas come from
1:00:37
we don't need AI to write episodes. This shit's easy. You just crap
1:00:42
it out and that it's done. You're writing on a cocktail, napkin in
1:00:44
or whatever. So Fred has been beaten senseless, so he's now fucking terrified
1:00:50
of I don't think necessarily of Barney, of just life now just so badly
1:00:57
that he's just he's he's a broken man. Yeah. Um. And then
1:01:04
as a result, Barney is an asshole who yells at Fred and then does
1:01:07
his I'm a dickhead face and then walks away and that's that's it. So
1:01:15
like, it would be one thing if he like it's the thing that's always
1:01:19
fucking annoying. Is like whenever they do these Barney like learns a lesson episodes.
1:01:22
It would be one thing if he walked away and be like, you
1:01:24
know what, I'm humbled, but I'm confident in myself. He's like,
1:01:28
I'm a big man, and up. He just is a dick like he
1:01:30
always a lesson he always learns is to be an asshole. It never walks
1:01:36
away with him being a better person. He always walks away a worse person.
1:01:39
Andy Meter, I was lukewarm on this episode. I think you've talked
1:01:44
me up on it. This episode is like a nine. I'll put it
1:01:47
in like a nine. It's fun rules, Yeah, it's it's fun.
1:01:53
It's it's it's it's it's I have to dock some points because it is so
1:01:58
copycutter of other like cookie cutter of what we've seen other ones, but it's
1:02:02
that weird. It's like just different enough. Bringing in mister Issamoto is probably
1:02:07
at least like four out of those nine points. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm
1:02:10
not gonna go as high as nine. I'm gonna say eight. It's an
1:02:13
eight. It's an eight for me. Yeah, let's say eight. Um,
1:02:15
I'll put it an eight. That feels right, Um and Barney score.
1:02:22
I mean, portrayal of Asians is not great, but not also like
1:02:28
probably better than a lot of stuff that was raring at the time. So
1:02:31
I'm not gonna not gonna I'm gonna say a seven just to be safe on
1:02:35
the Asian portrayal thing. I feel like I'm just gonna air on the side
1:02:38
of racist, like I'd rather I'd rather go too hard on calling on calling
1:02:45
this racist to the not hard enough. That's so it's fair. That's fair.
1:02:50
Yeah. Otherwise, though not a ton here, I think thatity.
1:02:57
No, I'm comfortable with a seven with the police time, I feel like
1:03:00
that's got it covered. Oh I'm gonna put it at a five. I
1:03:02
put it at a five. H Yeah, I don't think. I don't
1:03:07
think anything in this episode did like permanent damage. Uh yeah, at least
1:03:10
not any more than anything else was at the time. Okay, that's good
1:03:14
enough. Um So, I don't know where you can find us on the
1:03:19
internet anymore because I don't use Twitter anymore. I just I can't. I
1:03:22
can't use Twitter anymore. So what I'm gonna tell you, folks is if
1:03:25
you like the show, go tell somebody. Like seriously, I don't really
1:03:30
have any more outlets to promote the show anymore. So go tell someone about
1:03:36
our show. If you like it. You can get at us online.
1:03:40
Just email us Breaking Mayberry at gmail dot com. Uh. I'm gonna probably
1:03:46
start using the Facebook fan page again, Breaking Mayberry Fans. We've actually had
1:03:51
like a lot of really cool like We've had some some recent posts on there.
1:03:55
People are being u people are being active on there. I also think
1:04:00
we had some new Patreon subscribers start Ski Copper Popper Tumbleweed upgraded for US eight
1:04:06
dollars a month, gets you everything, gives you access to our Patreon,
1:04:10
gets you the ability to vote and make this new bonus episodes to get you
1:04:14
all the bonus episodes we've had. Uh, well like I'm I'm, I'm
1:04:17
back and refreshing, ready to work on cool shit like this. So we're
1:04:20
gonna we're gonna do some streaming. Dust in the cobblers. There you go.
1:04:24
So yeah, we're back. Patreon dot com, slash breaking, may
1:04:26
very emails breaking, maybe gmail dot com. I think that's it. The
1:04:29
music you've heard at the beginning and end here was made by Max Ludwig,
1:04:31
who is on twitch as at sleep Talky. That's it for us. It's
1:04:35
very late. We're gonna see you all down at the fishing hole. Bo
1:05:00
An. I don't don't know, but it was don