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Why you have to be careful with what you share with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're talking about information management with a
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  narcissist. Why you should not share good
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  news or bad news with a narcissist in a lot of different
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  situations. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. So I'm reading Doctor Romedy's
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  book, It's not you, amazing book.
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  Check it out on Amazon wherever you can buy books at.
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  Amazing book, right? But yeah, she has a section in
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  there talking about information management and managing the
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  information that you share with a narcissist, managing it.
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  Y'all managing the information that you share with a
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  narcissist, which is kind of crazy being in a relationship.
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  If you're in a healthy relationship, you have to manage
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  the information that you share a little bit.
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  You have to taper it off. But narcissists, when you're in
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  a relationship with a narcissist, you have to you have
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  to become a damn near a supervisor or CEO of managing
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  information that you share because it's yeah, it's you in a
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  relationship. You can't share good news with
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  your partner or your parent or your friend or your foe or
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  anybody around your Co worker, your boss.
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  If you can't share good news with these people, are you
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  really in a relationship? Ask yourself that question right
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  there. Are you really in a relationship
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  if you cannot share good news with somebody?
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  I just got a promotion because as a narcissist, right, If you
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  share good news with a narcissist, they're going to try
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  to tear you down. This one, you have to manage the
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  information. You have to table your
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  expectations with narcissistic people, right?
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  You know, you have to table your expectation with this person
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  because I can't. If if you share good news with
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  them and there's the this is the only person that you share with,
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  they're going to break your damn heart.
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  Let's keep it real. They're going to rip your heart
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  from your damn chest if you share good news with them, and
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  that sucks. Like you going to be like, babe,
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  I just babe, I just I just got a promotion.
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  I just made the basketball team. Dad, mom, whatever.
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  You know, I didn't Hey, bro, I just made the basketball team.
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  They're going to be like, well, the y'all team, the team sucks.
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  Of course you're going to make it like anybody.
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  You be you be you know, I'll be surprised if you didn't make it.
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  That's the team is horrible. You should you shouldn't even be
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  like, why are you so hyped for? That's not an accomplishment.
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  Anybody can make that team. That's terrible.
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  What? What?
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  They will rip your heart out y'all for sharing good news?
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  They will hurt you for sharing good news.
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  Like you come over there then I just graduated like you.
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  You don't see the mood I'm in? Don't you see the damn mood I'm
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  in right now? Like how did you not care about
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  anybody else's feelings? You going to come and share that
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  with me? Knowing I'm over here hurting,
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  Knowing I'm over here tired, Knowing I'm over here sick?
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  Wow. Wow, you really are heartless.
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  What? This is your partner you were
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  talking to. This is your husband.
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  This is your wife, this is your damn Mama or your daddy, this is
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  your grandma, your grandpa, whoever it is, your aunt, your
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  uncle, whoever that toxic person is in your life.
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  This is crazy because you cannot share this information with them
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  without them throwing it back into your damn face and trying
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  to hurt you, right? You can't even share good news
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  with them. So are you really in a
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  relationship that sucks? The crazy thing about it is you
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  can't even share bad news with them.
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  In the Doctor Romney's book, she said they said you can't even
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  share bad news with the narcissist because they'll make
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  the news worse. They will make the news worse.
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  Like imagine sharing bad news with somebody.
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  Pardon the Interruption. Just want to let you know that I
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  do have courses and support groups available as well.
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  Courses to help you understand what you went through and
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  support groups to help you during or after the toxic
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  relationship. Link in the description.
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  And back to the video, the dog just got hit by a car.
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  Well, God damn it. Why weren't you watching the
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  dog? Why are you in here?
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  God like you're a horrible person.
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  Like I knew it. It's your fault the dog was
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  gone. What y'all come on now, snap
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  with me. You got to snap with me right
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  now. Like, because you know it.
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  Sharing bad news with a narcissist makes the news worse.
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  They're not going to try to hype you up.
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  And the crazy thing about it is some narcissists will get a high
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  from you sharing bad news with them.
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  How insane is that? That some narcissists will
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  absolutely get a high from from sharing bad news with them for
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  you sharing bad news with them. They will, they will smile in
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  your face. You know they will smile in your
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  damn face for you not sharing for you sharing bad news with
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  them. Oh, that sucks.
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  That really does suck. But you got fired from your
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  drive today. Well, get me, let me tell you
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  about the good things that are going on in my life.
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  They compete, they compete with you.
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  They are, they are chronic compare and contrastors.
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  You know, they don't want to. It's just, it's just crazy.
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  It really is crazy dealing with this right here that you have to
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  manage any type of information you share with them.
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  You have to be even killed with them.
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  You can share a little stuff with them like this yogurt is
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  delicious and they might still blow up.
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  This yogurt is bad. What the hell?
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  Why are you eating then? Like you have terrible, you have
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  terrible taste buds. Why you try that?
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  Why you try that anyway? You can't be damn near cannot
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  win y'all. Because if you have the
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  argumentative toxic gas partner that is not even trying to
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  listen to you, what's the point? If you have a partner that is
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  not even trying to listen to you, what is the point right
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  here? Y'all?
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  Like seriously, if you have a partner that's not trying to
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  hear you, a partner that's not trying to talk to you, a partner
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  that's not trying to just not trying to be a part of anything.
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  Like, listen, are you really in a relationship?
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  Because some people would say, yeah, I'm in a relationship, but
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  isn't it a good one? Doctor Romney?
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  Yeah, I would look at one one day.
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  I would love to work with Doctor Romney, but I understand if it
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  didn't happen. I respect, I respect that
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  platform so much. I would love to work with her
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  when I do a video or something like that, have a have a chat or
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  whatever. But I would love that, honestly.
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  But I understand if it doesn't happen because I know our
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  platform. I just respect her.
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  That would be cool. But if y'all follow Doctor
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  Romney and y'all know her, have a contact.
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  Just say Lee, you haven't just shout you out.
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  You know, I'll miss it, but I do respect her.
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  But yeah, that's the point of it though, y'all, you do get a lot
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  of narcissistic people that you that that strip you away.
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  Good or bad news. You can't win, you can't win,
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  you can't win. It's crazy.
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  Now, let's say in the book she said she asked that question.
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  She's like, are you in a are you really in a relationship?
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  And some people would say, yes, I'm in a relationship.
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  We're married, we got kids. Yeah.
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  But is it a good relationship? Is it a healthy relationship?
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  That's when you start digging deeper, You know, are you in a
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  relationship is on the it's that surface level.
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  It's a surface level question. You talk when you pull out that
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  when you pull out that emotional shovel and start digging, are
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  you, is it a healthy relationship?
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  You're throwing, look, you're throwing a little toxic dirt up
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  your shoulder. You see what I'm saying?
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  Are you in a healthy relationship?
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  Are you in a happy relationship? Are you in a loving
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  relationship? And the answer to those
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  questions, you, you either going to be silent, you're going to
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  say, I don't know, or you going to say no.
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  And this is not me telling you to leave your relationship.
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  This is me to just having you check your inventory.
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  Check your relationship inventory, right?
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  Is this something you can do for the rest of your life?
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  Some people will say yes, and I'm not here to judge you.
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  Yeah, I'm not. I don't want to come up with
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  judging. I'm not here to judge you.
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  I'm just here to help you. I'm just providing information
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  for you so you can wake up and use this information to live a
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  better life. What do you choose to leave and
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  you choose to stay. That's only again, that's the
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  decision that you have to make an end.
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  But that's what we're here for right there, y'all?
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  That's seriously what we're here for.
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  So I'm super thankful for you. I'll be like I got I know I gave
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  you all the information. I know I gave you all the
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  information about some information management.
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  So leave. What do we do?
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  You told us you've been spitting hot fire.
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  We're like leave the seat. Our seats are hot right now.
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  You, you, you, you flamed on here like to tell us what the
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  hell to do. I'm sorry I cracked myself up so
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  thus. But the thing that you can do in
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  this situation, y'all information management, you have
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  to manage the information you share with your partner.
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  So share it first. Y'all like run, run it through a
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  filter. If you have good news to share
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  with somebody. If you have good news and this
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  is going to let let me preface this by saying I know that it
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  sucks to have to do this, but this could be something to help
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  you out right here. Find have a friend that you can
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  trust your best friend, your your your Co worker that likes
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  you. You mean your mom, your dad,
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  somebody there roots for you, you know somebody that's
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  cheering for you and share the good news with them first.
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  Celebrate first your birthdays. You know it's like just like
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  birthdays. Sometimes you have to you know,
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  you know sometimes you have to have a birthday party first
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  before you go talk to your partner or your parent or
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  whatever. You have to celebrate 1st and
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  then you got to go deal with that.
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  Kind of like you know if y'all ever seen the movie, not that
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  movie. You ever seen the TV show at the
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  office when Jim and Pam, they knew that Michael and everybody
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  they knew they knew everybody in the office.
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  They knew that like they going to do, they going to do
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  something, they going to do something to ruin this dream
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  wedding that we had planned. So they eloped.
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  They had their little pre wedding first.
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  Y'all remember in the office they went to Niagara Falls and
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  they eloped. They had a good time to have fun
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  with themselves and then they had the party they had, they had
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  the regular wedding where everybody was there and then
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  people they kind of they didn't ruin it, but you know, they just
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  Michael Scott was Michael Scott, Dwight was Dwight.
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  Everybody, everybody did themselves.
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  You know, everybody played their role and did what they was going
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  to do and Jim and Pam were still happy.
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  So it's just like do what you want to do first, then share
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  with your, share it with your partner if necessary.
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  You know, because the crazy thing about it is I should say
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  be careful who you share it with.
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  Again, you have to manage who you share it with because if you
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  share it with somebody else first, you celebrate somebody
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  else first, you grieve with somebody else first.
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  Because it's not always about celebrating.
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  If you share the good news or the bad news, if you're
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  celebrating or you're grieving with somebody else 1st and your
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  partner, the toxic person, the toxic narcissistic person that
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  comes next, if they find out, they don't get mad at you so
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  that you see what I'm saying. So make sure you have a the
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  person is this airtight, an airtight seal.
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  You're like this is airtight. This is sealed airtight right
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  here. You know, no, no air will come
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  out of here. Make sure your your support
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  system is airtight that you can share it with share good news,
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  right? Share some good news with your
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  partner, share some good news with your friends.
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  You know what I'm saying? But whoever it is, you know,
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  comes down the toxic person, the the narcissist in your life is
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  apparent. So you might have to share it
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  with your partner first, you know, but like some, it's just
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  different. Y'all just make sure your
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  partner doesn't find out that you sharing it with somebody
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  else first, because then they'll get mad, you know, then they'll
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  always be mad, they'll always bring it up.
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  They'll have that ammunition. They'll have this like this
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  proverbial bullet to shoot you with every time you remember you
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  should you remember you shared this with somebody else first.
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  Wow, can't be you didn't trust me to celebrate with you, right?
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  Right, right. Even though they you have a
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  history of them getting mad anyway, you know, it's damned if
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  you do, it's damned if you don't.
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  Just choose the damned that benefits you the most.
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  Choose the damned that you can live with.
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  Choose the damned that makes you happy 1st.
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  You know if you're damned if you do, you're damned.
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  If you don't, choose the damned that makes you happy.
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  You know what I mean? Choose the damned that you
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  benefit from. It's OK to choose you.
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  I'll be damned, you know what I mean?
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  But that's how it goes though, y'all?
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  Like seriously? Choose the damned that benefits
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  you the most in these situations.
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  To protect yourself, to stay safe, to stay as strong as you
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  possibly can. Because you deserve better.
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  You deserve the best. You deserve to live a life to
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  the fullest extent possible. OK, because I know it means a
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  lot to y'all, like it means a lot to me.
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  So share it with somebody else first.
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  Again, if it gets back to your partner, they're going to be
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  angry as hell. But that way you can celebrate
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  first. You can grieve first and then
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  you can share it and you know what to expect.
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  And this sucks that you have to do that.
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  It sucks that you have to do that, you know, anyways, y'all
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  had to hop off here. I have a Zoom call I have to do.
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  But again, y'all say I do have before I go, I do have a support
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  group, right? I have a support group called
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  the Mental healers. Then you can check out if you
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  want to share like we have a it's a growing community.
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  You can share good news in the group or bad news in the group.
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  You can, you know, celebrate or grieve for people in the group
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  over on our on our weekly zoom calls and whatnot as well.
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  But I'm super thankful for y'all.
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  I am grateful, eternally grateful for every single one of
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  y'all. Make sure you subscribe to the
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  channel if you haven't. But to turn this out, peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
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  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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  to watch another video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
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  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.