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13. How to Build Habits That Stick in Midlife (Even When Life Gets Busy) · Midlife Glow Up: Simplifying Fitness, Nutrition and Healthy Habits for Women over 40

0:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what your actual day-to-day looks like, but I do know this.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: You are managing a lot.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're supporting aging parents who need more from you today than they used to.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're launching kids into adulthood, or maybe you've still got kids at home and you're running them around to practices and games and activities that seem to fill up every spare minute.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm straddling both of those personally.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're managing a career, a household, your schedule, other people's schedules, your finances, relationships, and a lot of that responsibility lands on you.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: And somewhere in the middle of all of that, you and your needs get pushed to the bottom of the list.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: Your workouts, your nutrition, your health goals, they feel like another should.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: And you're shoulding all over yourself.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Your priorities start to feel like just another thing that you're falling short on.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: So instead of motivating you or inspiring you, these goals start to create guilt and pressure.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: And honestly, that is the last thing we need more of in midlife.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: So if that sounds familiar to you, I want you to hear this.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: You do not need more discipline.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: You don't need a more aggressive plan.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: You definitely don't need more guilt or pressure.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: But what you do need are habits that are on autopilot that fit seamlessly into your busy life and help you show up to be the best you.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: And that is what today's episode is all about.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Midlife Glow Up Podcast, where we simplify fitness, nutrition, and healthy habits for women over 40.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm Joan Dandano, your midlife health and wellness coach.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: And if you're ready to feel strong, consistent, and confident in this season of life, you're in the right place, my friend.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: And if you've been listening along, I'm so glad you're here because this episode builds directly on the last one.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: So in our previous episode, we talked about why habits matter so much in this stage of life.
1:49
SPEAKER_00: We talked about how consistency is way more important than intensity, and how habits shape your identity.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: About how small repeated actions quietly compound over time to create an entirely different reality of your life.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: So today we're answering the next logical question: okay, Joan, I get it.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: Habits are the key, but how do I actually change?
2:14
SPEAKER_00: How do I actually add habits into my life?
2:17
SPEAKER_00: So part two of our habit series is this episode, and it's all about the how.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: Everything I'm sharing today comes from my years of coaching real women through real life change, as well as my own life experience and James Clear's principles that he clearly lays out in Atomic Habits.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: So, my intention today is to remove the pressure and help you at the end of this episode feel like, oh, I get it.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: I know exactly what to do next.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: So, as we get started, I want you to think about something that has been on your should list for way too long, something fitness or nutrition related that you feel like you should be doing, that you are not doing.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: And I want you to just get really, really clear on one thing, that one thing that if you changed it, would actually make you feel empowered and make you feel like you're making progress to towards your health goals.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: So, some examples might be I should lift weights, I should prioritize protein, I should drink more water, I should drink less alcohol, I should stretch my body, I should get outside and walk.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: So, as you listen today, I want you to think about how each idea, each strategy that I'm going to share applies to that one thing.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: So for me, as I head into the new year, I have two things that I'm moving from my should list into my I get to list.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: One of those is I should walk with my weighted vest.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: I got it for Christmas last year, and it has sat collecting dust in my downstairs closet for almost an entire year.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: So that's one thing.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: And my second thing is I keep saying I should set myself up better for lunches.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: I always come through, it's a can of tuna or it's leftovers from the night before, but I want to be more intentional with this.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: So I'm taking my I should batch cook and freeze lunches from my should list, and I'm moving it into my actual life, utilizing the strategies that we're going to talk about today.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: Most women think that habits fail because they lack motivation or discipline.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: Women have been told directly or indirectly that if you want something bad enough, then you got to try harder, right?
4:26
SPEAKER_00: It must be a you problem.
4:28
SPEAKER_00: But especially in midlife, this is not true.
4:31
SPEAKER_00: If habits aren't working for you right now, it is not your fault.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: It's not a character flaw.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: It's not because you're lazy, and it's not because you don't want it bad enough.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: It's because the habits that you're trying to build are poorly designed for this season of life.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: We're carrying more responsibility than ever before.
4:47
SPEAKER_00: Our mental bandwidth is stretched so thin.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: And then we try to layer habits on top of those already full lives without changing the structure underneath.
4:55
SPEAKER_00: And that is not sustainable.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: So the answer isn't to push harder or demand more discipline from yourself.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: The answer is to actually build better designed habits, habits that stick because they're clear, habits that are simple, habits that fit into real life.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: And when they're designed to survive busy, imperfect days, that's when habits become habits.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: So here's the question to ask yourself: which habit have you been blaming yourself for?
5:23
SPEAKER_00: When the real issue might be that it just hasn't been designed to fit into your life now.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: I want you to just notice that, no fixing it yet, no judgment.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: But once we remove the blame, then we can focus on really starting to build the habits that actually work.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: Before we break these strategies down one by one, I want to give you a quick overview of the five strategies I'm going to talk about today.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: I want you to hear them first as a whole, and then we're going to slow down and talk through each one with real life examples.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here they are.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: First, we're going to talk about clarity, because vague intentions like I should eat healthier or I should work out more make it almost impossible to become consistent.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Second, we'll talk about starting smaller than you think, because most of us aren't failing due to lack of effort.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: We're failing because we're trying to do too much all at once.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: Third, we're going to talk about habit stacking, which is how you attach a new habit to something that you already do so it fits into your life seamlessly instead of competing with it.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: Fourth, we'll talk about environment design because your surroundings influence your behavior far more than motivation ever will.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: And finally, we'll talk about planning for imperfection so that missed days don't turn into quitting altogether.
6:33
SPEAKER_00: So as you listen, I want you to notice which one of these feels like the missing piece for you right now.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: You don't need all five, you just need the one that helps you move forward.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: So before we begin, I want you to remember you're thinking about one habit, one thing that you want to move from your should list to your I get to list.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: And then we're going to go through each of these strategies.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: And this is not a to-do list, this is just a menu of things for you to choose from.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: So you'll pick one of these strategies today and move forward with the next best step for you.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that first strategy is clarity before action.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: So if you're vague and you say to yourself, I want to eat healthier, I want to work out more.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: These are vague and vague habits are almost always impossible to follow through with.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: Our brain wants clarity.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: It wants specific.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: When are you going to do this?
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Where are you going to do this?
7:26
SPEAKER_00: How are you going to do this?
7:27
SPEAKER_00: With whom are you going to do this?
7:29
SPEAKER_00: So for myself, when I say I should set myself up better for lunches, that doesn't really tell me what to do.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't have, there's not an action word in there.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: But if I turn that into I batch cook one meal per week and freeze portions for lunch, my brain is like, oh, I understand how to do that.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: Or if I say, I really should dust off that weighted best, what does that mean?
7:50
SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: But if I say I walk with my weighted best two to three times a week for 20 to 30 minutes, that is clarity.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: So for you, where are you being vague as it relates to your health and fitness habits right now instead of being clear?
8:04
SPEAKER_00: Clarity doesn't make this process rigid, it actually makes it doable and actionable.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: So are you saying to yourself, I should eat better, instead of exactly naming what that means?
8:16
SPEAKER_00: Is there one particular thing?
8:17
SPEAKER_00: Are you not eating enough protein?
8:19
SPEAKER_00: Are you eating too much junk?
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Are you not getting enough water?
8:21
SPEAKER_00: Like what exactly is it?
8:23
SPEAKER_00: Once you can name it, then you're beginning to get clarity.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: Are you saying I should work out more instead of deciding how often?
8:31
SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
8:32
SPEAKER_00: Are you lifting weights?
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Are you walking?
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Are you doing a class?
8:35
SPEAKER_00: Do you have a certain time and place to show up?
8:36
SPEAKER_00: Or is it just sort of vague?
8:38
SPEAKER_00: Because if it doesn't have a time and place connected to it, then the whole day will happen without that ever getting onto your calendar.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: Strategy number two is starting smaller than you think.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: So this is where so many women get stuck because small feels like it won't be enough.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: But I promise you, small is exactly where we need to start.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: I want to tell you about my client, Aline.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: So before working with me, Aline had tried everything: classes, personal training, different programs.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: She even bought herself a Pilates riff warmer for her house.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: But she was not in a good routine with fitness, period.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: She loved to walk her dog.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: That was part of who she is.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: It was part of her routine.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: That was happening.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: But anything extra was not happening.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't because she didn't care enough or she wasn't trying hard enough, just nothing ever stuck.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: And every time she would fall off or fall out of that routine, she would feel more discouraged and convinced that it was something wrong with her.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: So when we started working together, we simplified.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: She committed to attending FitZone twice a week.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: So if you're new here, FitZone is my live virtual strength training program.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: It's short and effective workouts that you can do from home with dumbbells and a mat, and it's led live.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: So you don't have to think about it, plan, motivate yourself.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: You just show up and you follow the plan that I set out for you that day.
9:52
SPEAKER_00: And that is exactly what Aline needed.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: She didn't need fancy, she just needed consistency.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: And it didn't even mean an hour.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: She was doing 30 minutes twice a week.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: And she became very, very consistent with that.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: So I want to ask you, what is the smallest version of the habit that you want to move from your should list into your I get to list that still would move you forward?
10:18
SPEAKER_00: So in James Clear's book, he says, if you're trying to go to the gym three times per week, at the beginning, you do the smallest action, which is maybe putting on your shoes, and that's it.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: And then the next day, maybe you put on your shoes and your workout clothes, and that's it.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: And then the third day, or maybe this isn't days, maybe it's weeks, the third week, you put on your clothes and your gym shoes and you drive to the gym.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: And then the next step is you put on the clothes, you put on the shoes, you drive to the gym, you walk in the gym and you walk out of the gym.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: And the next time, maybe you do five minutes on the treadmill.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, you've incrementally worked your way into this new habit.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: So where are you setting the bar so high that it feels like it's impossible to even begin?
11:00
SPEAKER_00: And what would this habit look like if you made it easier on yourself to succeed?
11:06
SPEAKER_00: Small does not mean insignificant.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: Small means that this becomes repeatable, which means this becomes sustainable, which means it's not something that is just living on your to-do list or your should list.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: It becomes part of who you are.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: The next powerful strategy is habit stacking.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: So habit stacking means attaching a new habit to something that you're already doing.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: you're already habit stacking, you just probably don't even realize it.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: Most people wake up, they brush their teeth.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: There is no debate, there's no negotiation.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: This is just a part of life, right?
11:41
SPEAKER_00: So if you wanted to add something new to your life, like say taking vitamins or drinking more water, you could stack it right here with brushing your teeth.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: You brush your teeth, you take your vitamins.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: You brush your teeth, you drink a big glass of water.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: You want to stretch more, maybe that happens after you brush your teeth as well.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: There's very little friction here.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: Here's another great example for those of us who are still in the carpooling phase, right?
12:04
SPEAKER_00: I hear this from so many moms, like, oh my gosh, my kids' schedules dictate my schedule all the time.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: And I drive my kids all over Timbuktu, and I'll, you know, just sit in the car and be on my phone while they're at practice.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: But here's a great strategy.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: So if you are already showing up for your kids, you're driving them places, and then you're going and sitting in your car scrolling on your phone, what if instead you brought your walking shoes and you get in a solid walk while they're at practice?
12:30
SPEAKER_00: If you really want to stack the next habit, you bring your AirPods.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: And while you're walking, while your kid is playing soccer, you're listening to your favorite podcast or an audiobook that you've been meaning to read forever, but you think, I just don't have time for that.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: This is where we find pockets of time that already exist that are being taken up with other things that we could habit stack into.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: For nutrition, habit stacking could look like after I pour my morning coffee, I drink a glass of water.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Or after I make my kids' breakfast, then I drink my protein shake.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: Or while dinner is cooking, I prep my veggies for tomorrow.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: So here is your reflection question on this.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: What is something that you are already doing that you could attach a new habit to?
13:12
SPEAKER_00: What happens in your day no matter what?
13:15
SPEAKER_00: What are your non-negotiables already?
13:17
SPEAKER_00: And where could you fit in this new habit naturally instead of feeling like it's just one more thing?
13:23
SPEAKER_00: So you're not having to create more time.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: You're just using wisely the time that you already have.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: Our next strategy that makes a huge difference is environment design.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: So your environment shapes your behavior way more than motivation ever will.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: Here is an example from my life.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: So knowing that I'm moving my weighted vest from my should list into my I get to list for the new year, I pulled my weighted vest out last week after last week's episode, and I hung it down in the garage right by my dog's leash.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: And because it's visible, I've already gone on two walks with my weighted vest.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: That's two more walks than I had done in the entire year, simply because it's out in plain sight.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm the same person.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: It was the same intention that's been there all along, but I changed my environment.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: It's powerful.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: For nutrition, this might look like prepping food ahead of time and then placing that food that you want to eat visibly in grab-and-go containers in your fridge, reducing friction instead of relying on willpower.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: So here's your reflection question for this one.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: Is your environment supporting this habit or is it working against it?
14:33
SPEAKER_00: Is the habit visible or is it hidden in plain sight?
14:36
SPEAKER_00: Does starting this habit require too many steps?
14:39
SPEAKER_00: Do you have to think and overthink and make lots of decisions prior to getting into action?
14:44
SPEAKER_00: If so, it needs a simpler environment design.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: This is not about discipline.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: This is about setting yourself up for success.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: And the final strategy today is planning for imperfection.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: It is inevitable that life will interrupt your habits.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: There will be travel and illness and stress and busy seasons and company and holidays.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: The problem isn't falling off.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: The problem is not having a plan to bounce right back.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to circle back to Aline.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: So she and I have been working together for six months.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: And her habit is now fully ingrained into her lifestyle.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: It is just part of what she does, two days a week, 30 minutes of strength training, no matter what.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: Recently, she traveled to her home country of France.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: And she was there for about a week, week and a half.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: I think she did a couple of recordings while she was there.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: When she came home, she was definitely jet lagged, she was definitely behind.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: It's the holiday season.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: But instead of quitting or letting her excuses get in the way, she still showed up.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: She didn't show up perfectly.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: Maybe she didn't lift as heavy as she was before, but she showed up and the consistency is the important part.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: She didn't have to feel like she was starting over.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: She was just getting back at her habit.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: Because when your habit isn't just a shiny new trend, when it becomes part of who you are, you jump right back into it.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: So here's your reflection question.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: What is my plan B when life gets messy?
16:15
SPEAKER_00: When work gets in the way of your workouts, what do you do?
16:19
SPEAKER_00: Do you skip altogether?
16:20
SPEAKER_00: Do you go for a short walk instead?
16:22
SPEAKER_00: Do you do some stretching and some mobility and maybe give me 10 squats and 10 push-ups before you jump in that shower?
16:28
SPEAKER_00: What could you do?
16:29
SPEAKER_00: What is your plan B?
16:31
SPEAKER_00: If you run out of time to cook for the week, do you have protein powder on hand?
16:35
SPEAKER_00: Could you make a protein shake and have a piece of fruit?
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Consistency is the key.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: Perfection doesn't exist.
16:43
SPEAKER_00: Throw it out the window.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: Consistency means returning to the habits that are in alignment with your values so that you can create this life that you dream of for your future.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: So it's just about returning to who you are and what you do.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: So let's recap.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: First thing, the most important thing, is to get crystal clear on what you are taking action on.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: How does that action look in your life?
17:10
SPEAKER_00: When, where, what, how, with whom?
17:13
SPEAKER_00: Then we start smaller than you think.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: We do not have to overhaul everything.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: We take the first step, the smallest step that you can take to get you from where you are to where you want to be.
17:25
SPEAKER_00: Next, we stack habits onto things that you are already doing.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: We are all creatures of habit.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: We have lots of habits throughout our day.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: Where could you stack a new habit onto an existing one?
17:38
SPEAKER_00: Then we want to design our environment for success.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: That means putting our workout clothes out the night before.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: That means packing your lunch and having it ready to go in the fridge.
17:46
SPEAKER_00: So all you have to do is open the fridge, grab your lunch, and walk out the door.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: Set yourself up for success.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: So plan for imperfection.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: Instead of quitting or abandoning, you just adjust.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: We have to have a plan B.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: We have to be ready because inevitably life will go sideways.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: But it's about having that plan to bounce right back into our habits that is the key.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do all of this.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: Choose one habit and then choose one strategy and then take the next small step.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening and thinking, I am ready for my next best step, then I'd love to invite you to join your midlife reset, the 21-day habit challenge for women 40 who are ready to take back control of your health in 2026 so that you can have better energy, stronger routines, and simple habits that you can finally stick to.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: It's your perfect jump start to kick off the new year with confidence.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: And the best part is you don't have to do it alone.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: You get a real step-by-step plan, the support of a community of other women in your similar stage of life, and a coach in your corner who truly cares.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: This is where you'll take everything that you've heard today and last week and apply it with structure and support and accountability.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: You'll find the link to join in the show notes.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: It's$21 for 21 days.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: In my opinion, it is a no brainer.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: By listening week after week, you are becoming the woman who keeps showing up for herself.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: So remember progress over perfection and consistency over intensity.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep growing, keep glowing, and bye for now.