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Stories We Tell Ourselves – Impact Our Behaviors · The Missing Secret Podcast

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  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've
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  got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to
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  maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our
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  full potential.
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  John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you
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  frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't
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  seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next
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  level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
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  Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the
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  right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional
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  life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher
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  level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a
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  fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that
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  once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you
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  learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think it'd be the
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  podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
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  John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. Today,
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  Kelly Hatfield: we are going to dive into the topic of stories
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  that we tell ourselves and how that informs how we kind of move
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  through the world. So what do you think, John?
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  John Mitchell: I love it. Love it. I think it's so true. Those
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  stories that we unconsciously tell ourselves that are from
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  decades old, darn sure impact our behaviors.
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  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, absolutely. And it's
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  interesting, you know, so let's talk a little bit about that.
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  Because the story is, your story is your story. Right? So let's
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  do a little bit of clarification here. Your story is your story,
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  the events of your life happened, they've unfolded, how
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  they've unfolded. But then there's the narrative, which is
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  the story that you're telling about your story? Right? Yeah.
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  And so that's kind of what, what we're talking about is how you
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  choose to interpret the events of your life. And how that
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  informs like your subconscious, and the actions that you're
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  taking today, based on kind of that narrative that you have
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  around your story.
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  John Mitchell: Right, right. You know, it's I think this is a
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  great topic, because I see that, that, yes, things have happened
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  in your life, and you gotta define just actually what
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  happened, not, uh, not giving meaning to it, just what
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  actually happened. And, you know, I was working with a
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  client last week that was talking about the mistakes that
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  he had made in his life, you know? And I'm like, why were
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  they mistakes? You, you, you did what you thought was best at the
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  time based on all the information you you had, but he
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  perceives that he made mistakes. And I suspect you're like I am,
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  where I'm like, you know, I've never really made a mistake, as
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  is, you know, I did what I thought was best. And now I can
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  look back and realize that that was not maybe the best course of
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  action. But it doesn't really feel like a mistake. Now. I'm
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  more experienced not to not to do the same thing. But what do
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  you think about that?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, absolutely. I think it's goes
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  back to that framing, right? It's this idea of is life
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  happening to you? Or is life happening for you? Because the
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  one put is in that victim space, like all of these bad things
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  have happened for me, to me, therefore, I life has been
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  really hard for me, or it's hard for me to overcome this or why
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  me? And then there's the other mindset, that is like, okay, all
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  of these things have happened. What am I supposed to have
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  learned? What was I supposed to have learned as a result of
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  going through that? You know, you know, so it's, it's just
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  again, what is the narrative? You're telling about your story?
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  You know, so there's been many times, you know, where things
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  haven't been going well, in business, I think I've talked
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  about like, the first two years of being in business for me, my
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  first two years back in Oh, wait, and no, oh, nine, we're in
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  the depths of a recession. And my first business had to do with
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  hiring, you know, and so it literally was, okay. You know,
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  questioning yourself. You know, am I doing the right thing,
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  there were lots of tears, right? You know, and it's like, no,
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  okay, this path. If I if I can make it through this, I can make
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  it through anything. You know, and like, these different things
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  that I've gone through in the past have prepared me for this.
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  You know, like you're okay, you can make it through everything.
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  Anything. You've done this, but you've done hard stuff before.
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  For and needed out the other side. And that was kind of the
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  story I was telling myself versus it would have been really
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  easy to go well, you know, timing was terrible, you know,
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  I, this stuff always happens, you know, and to thrown up my
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  hands and and, and given up and give it and used it as an excuse
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  to not move forward. But it was like, No, I've done hard stuff
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  before. All right, it's not going to be the picture of what
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  I wanted it to be. I'm gonna have to pivot and do some stuff,
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  some offer some services I didn't want to offer, but I need
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  to make any money. So it was, you know, I think the different
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  framing can either put you into solution mode, or it can put you
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  into that victim and kind of feeling paralyzed mode.
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  John Mitchell: Right. You know, let's think about this idea. The
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  story should tell her yourself. You know, I think most of the
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  stories are, are not verbalized, to other people, at least not
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  verbalized very often. Do you think that's true?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Um, I think that's true. I think a lot of
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  what's happening is happening in our internal dialogue. Yeah,
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  subconsciously, under the, you know, like, like, we've talked
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  about where it's kind of running behind the scenes. Yeah. So
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  yeah, I mean, some people are better at it than others, you
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  know, about sharing their stories. And, but I think a lot
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  of exactly what you're saying a lot of those stories happen
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  internally,
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  John Mitchell: you know, I, this idea of this internal dialogue,
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  I completely agree with you, but I see how fundamentally weak,
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  the, the internal dialogue that we have with ourselves is
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  because it's very fluid. It's not, you're not necessarily
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  saying to yourself specific words, it's just sort of a
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  feeling semi feelings, semi words, dialogue, and it is so
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  easy to fix that, you know, through through our methodology.
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  When when you say, Okay, wait a minute, I'm fixing the stories
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  that I'm telling myself, because I'm now in my visualization, you
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  can articulate precisely with words, what happened? What was
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  the takeaway from it? What did I learn? And I'm gonna articulate
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  those words to myself every day to now change how I am,
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  subconsciously, as well as emotionally. Does that make
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  sense?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Yep, absolutely. And I think one other technique
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  in terms of that, so the visualization a number one,
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  that's a great way to do exactly, reprogram that
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  subconscious. The other thing that I find very useful, is if
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  part of the thinking time, and we've talked about this in
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  earlier episodes, where I will literally like so if I feel like
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  I am in a place of worry, that's one of my behaviors, one a
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  behavior that I have in my visualization, but one of the
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  techniques that I use is inside my thinking time. I'm like,
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  Okay, what is the so whatever the challenge is, what is the
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  story? I'm telling myself about this? Okay, write that down.
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  What's, what are the facts? Yeah, now, let's go over what
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  the facts are, you know, and then is that true? You know, is
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  it absolutely true? You know, so like, I'll go through an
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  exercise in that thinking time, that helps me completely reframe
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  it, where I'm like, Okay, I'm breaking that bad, you know, or
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  I won't label it bad, good or otherwise, but I'm breaking that
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  behavior that doesn't serve me by being very intentional about
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  how I'm going to process this. Does that make sense?
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  John Mitchell: Absolutely. You know, Kelly, I'm really glad you
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  brought that that up. And and for the audience that doesn't
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  know exactly what she's talking about, you know, we have a
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  technique of setting aside time two times a week to just think,
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  to what we call deep think and, and, you know, think about this,
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  this is something I've thought about lately a lot about our
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  methodology is, is the thinking is goes hand in hand with the
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  visualization where you're feeding the succinct
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  articulation of your life. Well, the thinking is where you do you
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  look at those stories, you shape those stories, you reframe those
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  stories, you give new meaning to the stories. And so that's sort
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  of the guiding part of your life and then when you think it
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  through, then you put it on your visualization to impact your
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  subconscious mind and your daily action. And so the combination
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  of those two together is what makes our methodology so
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  powerful, don't you think?
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  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, 100%, you know, so I would want an action
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  item for those that are tuned in and listening right now is start
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  to identify, you know, what are some of those stories that
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  you're telling yourself that are holding you back? You know, and
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  you can look at some of the different areas in your life to
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  see where maybe you're, you've been stuck, or aren't making
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  progress, that might be the first place to start? And just
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  ask yourself, like, Okay, what's the what is the narrative? For
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  you around? You know, why this hasn't progressed? Or, you know,
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  that's a really great way to kind of get started with
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  thinking about, you know, what are some of those obstacles? Or
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  things you're having a challenge moving, past or achieving? Or?
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  Because a lot of the time it has to do with that subconscious?
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  You know, again, 95% of our thoughts are at the subconscious
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  level, and they're comprised of those stories. So what's your
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  narrative? You know, is your narrative going to serve your
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  subconscious? Or is it going to do the opposite? You know, so
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  for me, I look at all of the experiences that I've had, you
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  know, so we'll speak specifically about, like, some
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  of the things that haven't gone well, or challenges I've had to
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  overcome, or maybe some horrible things that I've experienced,
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  I'm I wouldn't change, as as terrible as a couple of them
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  were, I wouldn't change anything, because they're part
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  of this path. They're part of what made me I've learned so
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  much, and become a better human being as a result of those
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  experiences, and have been able to serve at a different level at
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  because I've had those experiences. And so again,
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  that's how I've chosen to frame that rather than that being in
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  that place where, you know, that victim hood has such a negative
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  connotation, and but it's easy to go there, because that's what
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  we're designed to do, you know, what I mean, we talked about
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  human fallacies, you know, the other day, in a previous
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  episode, and that's what you're designed to do is to, you know,
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  go to the negative So, right, again, just how you frame your,
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  your narrative.
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  John Mitchell: Yeah, I, you know, I, I think, you know,
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  based on our methodology, the way you you do life is is to
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  have the exceptional life is yes, you start by thinking two
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  times a week, and, and thinking through your life and figuring
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  out your life and discovering whatever the challenges are, and
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  thinking through it. Any problem in your life is ultimately
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  solved, either from thinking through it, or getting the
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  outset side input of somebody else. So that thinking time two
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  times week is step one. And then step two, is now we got to turn
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  that thinking into being showing up with a proper actions
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  happening automatically. And that's where having the succinct
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  articulation of your life and feeding it to yourself 12
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  minutes a day, boom, that, in fact, that affects your your
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  daily actions and your mindset, and gives you this immense sense
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  of control over your life. But the two are so intertwined
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  together, that together, they're powerful.
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  Kelly Hatfield: Well, it's funny, John, I remember when we
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  first met years ago, and part of the process of building your
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  visualization is filling out this questionnaire. And this
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  goes to the point of thinking time, and those two things going
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  hand in hand, because I hadn't sat down, and like really
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  thought deeply about anything. I was running as fast as I could
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  and had been for years, you know, and just really, in that
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  kind of reactive mode, and, yeah, there was planning, there
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  was a business plan, you know, that had dust on it, you know, I
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  hadn't looked at developed it, you know, but in terms of
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  thinking deeply about my life, and my business, and some of the
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  it was a hard practice, and I remember so much of what I did
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  was at the surface, you know, and then you're like, nope, try
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  again. Right? And then going deeper and deeper. My point
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  being, this can be a challenge at first because you're if you
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  aren't doing this and setting aside time to think regularly,
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  and to think deeply and to just be with yourself and Write your
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  thoughts down and this can feel intimidating. It can. What's the
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  word I'm looking for? And you can feel inadequate, you can
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  because you're just it's something you have to train
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  yourself to do is my point. And so for those of you that are
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  like, Well, geez, what do I even think about when I, you know, or
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  what do I write down during this thinking time? You know, we have
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  a whole video on this, right? We can put the link to the, to the
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  thinking time video for people to watch and learn more about
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  how to do this because it is an art. And it does take some
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  practice.
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  John Mitchell: Right, right. Yeah, it's a it's a simple
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  process. I mean, but But yes, in fact, if you if you want it,
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  send an email to John at think it'd be a.com. And, and I'll
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  give it to you. And you know, one other thing that's
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  interesting, that's, that's sort of related to this. I have seen
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  and this This changed in my visualization. Maybe a year ago,
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  where I saw the and I got this from Jordan Peterson said that
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  there's power in being what he calls an articulate creature.
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  And so I now explain, think it be it to people that come to me
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  very succinctly and clearly. And I've, and I've written that out,
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  what do I do? When somebody says, What do you do? I have
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  what what I tell them? I do, and I have seen the power from
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  feeding that to myself each day. That now, I mean, when somebody
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  asked me, boy, I am right on point I can I can drive it home,
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  from their perspective of not knowing anything, about 20 times
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  more effective than I could three years ago, because I just,
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  you know, train my subconscious mind to know exactly what to
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  say, relative to the viewpoint of the listener. And that's been
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  a powerful lesson. But to ramp this up, again, is this idea of
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  the stories we tell ourselves, drive our behaviors, there's a
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  way for you to change your interpretation of the stories.
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  And from that, through the methodology we have, you can
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  change behaviors and those change behaviors can recreate
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  your life. So, with that as a summary, until next time, we'll
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  see ya.
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  Kelly Hatfield: Thanks for listening today. If you've had
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  your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an
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  email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So
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  email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or
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  John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life