Latest / Inspiring Stories / Susan Gold Teaches How To Turn Childhood Trauma Into A Wonderful Life

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Susan Gold Teaches How To Turn Childhood Trauma Into A Wonderful Life · Inspiring Stories

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Thank you for listening to Depictures Media Radio. You happy bit. We've all
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had to overcome our fair share of childhood trauma, things that we probably just
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wish hadn't happened in our childhood, things that we don't remember. Finally,
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and someone was more so than others, but our next guy, Susan Gold.
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She has written the book Toxic Family, Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom.
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Susan turns the standard paradigm on its head, courageously leading others through their
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own journey of abuse, addiction, and surviving narcissism, all while creating a
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distinctly empowering personal and professional life. We need to people like Susan Gold to
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let us know that, hey, just because it happened in our childhood doesn't
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mean we have to dwell on it, and we don't have to keep reliving
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it and re traumatizing ourselves. We can get around, get over it,
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and leave it in our childhood as nothing more than a memory. So why
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don't we welcome Susan two the show as she Maybe we'll get her to describe
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a little bit about some of the dynamics of what happened to her while she
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was growing up Okay, welcome to the show, Susan, and I know
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you had this really wonder well, we can't say wonderful story about your childhood,
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because we're talking about turning our childhood trauma into our fantastic life and how
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we can actually like there's lessons and how we can actually move forward past those
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lessons. Right. So, there were a lot of bright and fun spots
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though lace throughout my childhood. That was one of the confusing things about it,
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Michael. It was such a juxtaposition. My mother could be incredibly loving
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and then just flip on a dime and be beating you out of seemingly nowhere.
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And my father was a fun drunk. He was a genius astro astro
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physicist, but he was also an alcoholic. He had an issue with womanizing
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and was a bit of a narcissist. But it was always an adventure.
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Yeah. Well, you know, with that being said, my dad would
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when when you actually got to hang out with him, he was pretty cool.
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We used to watch baseball and remember a watergate, I sure do worded
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it. Yeah, I actually sat and watched the the hearings with my dad
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on his lap. As as a child. He was like here's son,
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you need to watch this and learn and it actually colored some of what I
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do today. Right, So then that's that's the cool stuff. But the
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not so cool stuff was the alcoholism in the addiction. Right. So so
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how do we how well, how did you first learn to to to like
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really warmly invite the good parts in and filter out some of the other stuff
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and learn from it. So growing up, I knew there was trauma.
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I have memories going way way back, Michael. But when I really realized
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the depth I was in my early twenties. So I was an adult.
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I was living on my own in New York City, and some of the
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same red flags were coming up that I saw demonstrated in my home, you
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know, horribly abusive relationships, arguments, I was lying when it was just
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as easy to tell the truth. I was starting to lose my value system.
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I was losing focus on my goals. And I had been incredibly driven
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up to that point. I mean, I left that home the morning after
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I graduated high school the court of eight in the morning, and I didn't
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often go back. I was nineteen, living in Greenwich Village for the first
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time in New York City on an internship from college, and I was working
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in the entertainment industry quite young and successfully. So that's really when I realized
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the remnants and what traumatic childhood left you with as an adult. I had
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very low self esteem, self worth, I had porous boundaries. I was
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a chameleon. I would become who I thought you may want me to be
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in order to garner your approval. And yeah, I was easily influenced.
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Yeah. Well, as I remember, in the entertainment industry, you had
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some pretty cool influencers. Did you actually got to work with though? Right?
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Well, when I was in my home growing up, one of the
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things that kept me going was dreaming of going to New York City. I
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used to watch Barbara Walters on my beam bike chair in my valley in the
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basement. And I worked for a large global talent agency once I got out
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of college, but it wasn't quite enough to make ends meet, so I
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started personal training on the side, and Barbara Walters actually became a client of
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mine, which was really interesting, and she also volunteered to come to work
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with me one day after she learned I had been sexually abused in the workplace.
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Oh wow, that must have been Okay, okay, I'm gonna I'm
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gonna have my starstruck moment for a second here. These things only last a
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couple of seconds, trust me. Because Barb Walters was a hero that I'd
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never met and that some of my journalism I tried to like, well,
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how would she have done this? Because I just love I just love watching
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her interviews on television. So what was it like having uh, Barbara,
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Barbara Walters go to work with you to advocate for you because you because of
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sexual abuse or harassment? What? Ultimately? I said, no, that's
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okay, but I'll handle it. But she was quite supportive, and she
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was engaged to a gentleman who was running a film distribution company at the time,
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and she said, you know what, he's looking for an assistant.
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You could easily slip in there. But I said, yeah, no,
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I'll be okay. And I did confront my boss that day and he said,
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do you have everything you need? And I said, of course.
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He said, great, you're fired. So I think I had two and
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a half months of income in the bank. I was newly sober. I
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understood I was having issues because I was using alcohol as a crutch and I
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had learned well from my father. I had extricated myself from the abuse of
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toxic relationship and I didn't want to go back into that relationship. So I
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ended up being introduced to Donnie Deutsch, who's a bit of a cultural icon.
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He's an entrepreneur and a television host, but back then he was running
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his dad's ad agency and he wanted Andy Warholt to endorse Pontiac And he said,
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do you think you can get him? And I'm like, I don't
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know, I'll try. So I couldn't get anybody to pick up the phone,
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and I took the train down to the factory and knocked on the door
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and read answered Andy's manager, and I told him I was there, and
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he said, come back to my own I'll let you talk to Andy.
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So I did. And the next day I was sitting in the foyer sweating
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bullets Michael when the double doors into Andy's studio flew open and it was super
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dark in there, and Fred peered out and he said, okay, Andy,
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we'll see you now, and I'm like, okay, So and I
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went and it was really dark, but there was a pin spotlight coming down
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on this table and Platinum hair going seventeen different directions, and a lot of
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scribbling with colored pencils. But what really caught my attention and also caught Andy's
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attention, were the three pugs that were running around the studio at little dogs
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with the smushed faces. And he loved these three little dogs. They would
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tug at his pants leg and he'd picked them up like they were little kittens.
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So he didn't make eye contact with me as I was pitching him for
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this project, and finally like he looked up. He looked at me and
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he said, now, really, why should I do this? And it
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just fell silent for a moment, and then I said, because you can
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have the pugs and the shot with you, and he said, okay,
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I'll do it. And that's really the deal that launched my career, and
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I thank my upbringing. One of the tools that I utilized and had naturally,
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and I believe we all have it was a strong sense of intuition.
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I was also highly empathic, so I could sense your emotions, and I
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was also telepathic at that point. But adults didn't really like little eight year
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old nine year old girl telling them things that were actual truth. But I
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couldn'to it in that room, and that's what caused me a pause. I
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knew he loved those dogs more than life itself, and I didn't know if
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that was okay with Donnie or not and the Pontiac dealers. But I took
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a risk. Well I'll risk it paid off, right, Yeah. I
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became known from acting celebrities with brands and had a very wonderful career doing that.
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ID me into television and producing for TV and for film. Yeah.
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Well, did you know at the time about how courageous you were. Well,
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I didn't really feel like I'd had much of a choice. I mean,
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I was brave. I always knew that I wanted to work in the
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entertainment industry beyond the business side of it. I felt more comfortable with those
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that were back then described as celebrities and influencers because I knew they were human
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beings and I could sense their emotion and they were doing it publicly when you
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know, pants leg at a time, in front of all of us.
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So I had great understanding and compassion and I think that really helped me in
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my career, and it's also what kept me safe in my family of origin.
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Okay, because so many times, like people they they tell his stories
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in there, it's like, well and their esteem was still was still low
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at the time, but they but they were they were doing things that were
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that were extremely courageous, you know. So you just want people to know
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that hate there, there is that inside of you, and you just have
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to have to constantly keep tapping into it, right, So, yeah,
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I think so. I think it was really I really recognized it when I
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decided, Okay, I'm going to write a book, because I had been
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encouraged to write a book about my life story for a while, but I
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really didn't think it was that interesting or that unique. And then when I
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put it all down on paper. I think it was right before Yeah,
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I was right before the Final Galley and I read a chapter and I was
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like, oh my gosh, that woman is strong, and oh that's you.
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Hello. Yeah, what was your first was that your first realization that
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you are as strong as you are. People would tell me all the time
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that I was independent, that I was really accomplished, but I didn't feel
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it. I was very codependent and I had to have male attention since like
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second grade and Billy Fritz on the playground and I had such a fear of
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abandonment, Michael and neglect. It was just such a trigger and still is.
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I still have to work with it. But I was so dependent that
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I would get myself in relationships that maybe weren't, you know, the best
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for me just to hold on to something that I felt would be stationary,
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and it cost me greatly. This may sound like a weird question. Were
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you more married to the fact that you were that you were attached to somebody
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or were you more attached to the persons as a person. Well, it
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was both. But a relationship that's built on codependency, I believe is destined
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to fail ultimately or perhaps not flourish. Yeah, yeah, I agree.
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I agree on that one because it is a trend of of also a trend
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of children who of addicts and codependence. Right, yeah, definitely, it's
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one of the tributes left over, still working threat, but doing a lot
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better. I think I'm going to say this because I believe that I'm still
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a work in progress, and we all, as human beings, are a
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work in progress, and until we're done, well, we're not going to
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talk about the done part yet. What did you know? What? I
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know? You still have some struggles. Are what are some of your biggest
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struggles now? Well, I still have that echoing of, you know,
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the lack of self worth. I'm much stronger on my two feet. I
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think I've had a miraculous experience. I had lived in New York and was
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very successful and was invited to Los Angeles for what I thought was a great
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career move, Michael. But I think now in hindsight, it was to
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meet one of my greatest gurus, and that was the man who would become
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my ex husband. And I say he was a great teacher because he helped
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me step up and into my authentic power. He helped me step into authentic
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compassion and for who I am and that little being, that little beacon of
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light that's inside me that I kicked around and belittled and betrayed repeatedly. But
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I met my husband and thought he was everything that I had ever wanted.
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He seemed like he was right out of a golden age of Hollywood film and
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he was. He had a horrendous childhood himself and had constructed a false persona
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and as one that I believe was a narcissist. So experiencing that really helped
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me as a human being evolved And how did you evolve? Well, it
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was about thirteen years into the partnership and we were married and had a child,
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when I really felt drained and I didn't quite know why my life was
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getting smaller. I was really feeling like I couldn't continue this walk, like
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I was dragging a two hundred and fifty pound dead weight forward. And I
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kept pointing a finger out and three would come back at me, that old
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spiritual axiom, so I would find blame within. But what ultimately happened was
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I tried to make my husband accountable fiscally, and we went into mediation to
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create what I thought would be a post nuptial agreement, and we came to
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the last term and I thought, oh my gosh, my marriage is saved,
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even though I knew it was way past its expiration date. I didn't
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want my marriage to fail. And he folded his arms and his eyes went
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in those cold lizard like slits, and he said, I'm hiring an attorney
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and I'm filing for divorce. And that intuitive voice that's been with me this
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whole time, Michael was never more clear and resonated so thoroughly that it stayed
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with me for the following year, and thank god it did. But it
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said, this is the universe doing for you what you cannot do for yourself.
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And it was a year of excruciating hell. He remained in our family
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home, but I couldn't really refer to it at a home as a home.
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Then he took up residence in the master I by choice, was on
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a mattress on the floor in a partial conversion in our garage, in a
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home that I had bought and paid for our family and maintained. And it
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was a year in that circumstance, and I had learned, as a longtime
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meditator, how to hold silence, how to keep no contact, including no
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eye contact, and it was heartbreaking to understand who the man that I had
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loved and married really was as an individual. And holding eye contact and no
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contact for that year got me through the period until we could come to terms
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and I could write on the six figure check and he could move on to
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his next source of supply. And I believe it really helped me. It
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was a gift of the universe. I feel like this was the ultimate lesson
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I came to walk through and now I'm able to share my experience with others
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because it was everything I learned growing up for survival, Everything I had learned
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in sobriety and recovery, everything I had learned working through clinical depression, all
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came to a head in this experience. And I feel there was no accident.
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And I hold no malice towards my ex husband, more do I hold
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malice towards my family members. I feel they were all the perfect players in
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this bulliant movie of life that I've been privileged to walk through. And I
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feel there was purpose in this life story and there was a beautiful reason that
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I've moved through it as I have. And it's huge perspective and a huge
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paradigm shift, because you know, so many of us like eat the rat
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poison and feel like the perpetrators should die, not us. So I had
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to really really let go of all that victimhood and say I don't want to
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be in that self contained prison. I had to take the barbed wires that
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we're facing in and open up the gate, and I feel I'm free as
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a result of it. It's a lot of work. It's not the easier,
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softer way, but it's the only way through for me. And I'm
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really I have so much gratitude, right you say, what did let's put
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this way? What did your life purpose look like now? And how are
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you living in? So? I wrote a book called Toxic Family, Transforming
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Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom, And I'll be honest, toxic Family like was
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not my title. My title was magical illumination because that's what I feel like
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it's been. But it wasn't always a magical illumination. And toxic Family does
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describe my lineage. It was hurt and abused children, raising hurt and abused
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children, and it goes way back. And I'm just grateful to have had
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the career that I did and to meet the people that are household names and
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work with them and see their humanity. But this is my purpose. I
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feel like there's so many pieces of the puzzle that fit together perfectly for me
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to write such a book about such a taboo topic. I believe we need
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to have these conversations. I believe a lot of us are carrying around a
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sack of junk that doesn't even belong to us. I believe there's a lot
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of shame that we carry as individuals that may not even be in our zip
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code, and there's no reason we need to carry it anymore. And to
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come full circle and to a place of profound forgiveness and a real understanding for
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our humanity has been almost worth the price. Eventry, I think next time
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I might read the small print in the contract before I come maybe, right,
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what do you what do you want people to learn that we're all human
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beings and to understand that there's a team supporting you, that you're here on
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this earth for purpose, that you have value, that your life has meaning
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regardless of your current circumstance or something that happened in your past, and that
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we're all one. That is a very important lesson that I wish. I
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wish we would learn that globally, that we're all one. Right. I
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think it's happening. I have faith. I feel like these outdated patriarchal systems
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that have been set up are starting to chip away at the edges, and
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some were even seeing crumble. So I'm actually optimistic, then pestiment pessimistic.
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It's painful, but I think it's happening. Michael. I have hope.
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I hope it's important. Isn't it. You know, Yes, it's very
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important, and I've had to find it in strange places, but it's certainly
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kept my feet on the ground and helped me put one in front of the
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other. I really think we all have exit points. There's certain points where
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you can choose to, like end the movie if you wished. I know
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it's it's been true for me. The first time I really thought about that
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was when I was six. I was six years old and was in the
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kitchen by myself. I had a cabinet open where they kept all the cutlery,
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the pants, the cooking pants, and I took one of the knives
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out of the carving block and I looked at the blade and I thought,
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if I could just lance this through my little heart, it could all be
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over. This could all be over. And then my mother like thundered from
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the hallway, and I shoved that knife in so quickly and shut the doors.
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But that's the first real thought of suicide that I had, and it
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came up repeatedly, over and over again. And I have to say anybody
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that's contemplating that, like, hold on for the miracle, because you may
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be offering a different person than the being you truly are, and I'm glad
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I've stayed on for the ride and that I've found hope in different places.
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Sometimes there was just like watching a bird fly, yeah, or focusing on
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the color baby pink, or when I was a kid, a lot of
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it was lying on my back in the backyard looking up into the clouds and
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talking with the angels asking them to, you know, beat me up.
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Uh, yeah, that's for that. That right there was very very touching.
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I kind of kind of get get an idea what you're saying with that,
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And I think a lot of people, uh get an idea of especially
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if they've been through certain types of trauma. Right. Do you think if
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we can see past those exit strategies, especially it's some of the really big
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exit points that that you talked about, that when we see past them,
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that something bigger happens next. Yes. Absolutely, that's been my own experience.
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It hasn't been easy to move through them, but it's always led me
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to a better place. And I think that once I'm able to really say
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no to that and continue to walk, certainly as an adult. I mean,
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the last two months of that divorce process were very difficult and I started
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to go down that roller coaster hill. I knew that I was tending towards
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clinical depression, and then the idea of suicide passed through my head, and
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I knew instantly, I need to set up a friend for every day of
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the week, a different friend for each day, and I need to call
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them, and I need to check in. And if I call them to
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check in and I'm feeling any kind of suicidal impulse or thought, I need
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to commit that I'm going to call the next person on the list and keep
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calling until I have a conversation. And I was really grateful for that tool,
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and it got me through that experience because I would have been taking out
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the wrong person. I would have left so many people behind that actually needed
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me. And now that I've been able to craft this book and put it
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out, I see how my experience is helping others and it's been well worth
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it. Yeah, I'm absolutely certain that it has been well worth it.
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What have you been What have you been able to teach your children? I
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have one son. He's nineteen, trying to work his way through college in
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three years instead of four. And what I've demonstrated to him is that he
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is his own individual. He is not an extension of me. He has
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his own path, he has his own journey, he has his own high
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points here that he too signed up for. That that I am a parent,
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I'm not a placebo. He's not my friend, he's my son,
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and that he is entitled to a stable platform, which I gave him.
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I did everything I could too, you know, sort of make his childhood
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surroundings predictable. It was chaos in my home. You never knew what was
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around a corner. It could be dinner for seven, or it could be
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something thrown at you, some kind of projectile. And he didn't have that.
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And I see how he was able to flourish as a result of that.
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And it's not perfect. Life is not perfect for anyone. You can
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come from the most incredible of homes and still have your human issues. I
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think that's why we're here, to have those experiences and to evolve from them,
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to feel more compassion and expand that compassion and love to our fellows.
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And are you expanding that love? I think so. I feel like I
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am. People say that they feel better after a conversation with me. They
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see a lot of light coming from me. And I think when you've walked
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through a lot of pain and you do have that compassion, but also,
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Michael, the key is having it for yourself as well, so you're not
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drained. Other people can't drain your energy. When you have that kindness and
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respect for your own being, it's much easier to draw boundaries and to give
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from a cup that overflows is rather than one that is half full, and
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then to say, yeah, I'm sorry, I have to excuse myself now
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when you know you're tiring, or if that's enough. So you have those
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special boundaries and that's something that I've been learning as I've taken this journey.
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Yeah, yeah, there was I know in my own life that there was
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a moment where somebody said, you're you're so empty, and they wanted they
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wanted to fill me back up again. But they knew knew that that wasn't
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wasn't what they should do. They knew they knew that they had to teach
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me how to fill myself. Did you end up, Michael, at that
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time reaching out for help or did you go within? How How were you
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able to sort of shift that paradigm for yourself? It became a very very
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rocky road. I went from one abusive draining spouse to another abusive draining spouse.
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And it took I would say, another seven years from the from that
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point to the point where I actually found it was kind of funny. I
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found. I found the found that this this group of of of ladies who
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were talking about this life coach who was so fantastic and everything. And I
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followed them to a free seminar and then I I did. I took took
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his, uh, his his life coaching thing, and I just learned a
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whole bunch of stuff of that. It just started to heal me, you
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know. And along the way, I have met who is now my wife,
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and we went through it. We went through some of it together,
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and my other spouses before that wouldn't never have gone through a matter of fact,
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one of them poked fun at it because one of his things was make
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a collage of which you want your life to be, this stream board thing,
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and and my one ex poke fun at it. And she says,
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oh, yeah, you spent a couple of thousand dollars or somebody to teach
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you to piece of magazine clippings to a piece of poster board. Oh,
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Gee, that's wonderful, isn't it? You know, because she was angry
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that I was actually starting to learn not to be codependent. I was learning
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not to be to stand on, to stand on my own and and and
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achieve my power. So yeah, so that's it's what it took, you
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know, to find that person to help me teach that teach to learn these
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things. So yeah, and from there came the came the podcast in the
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hey, and now I have Susan Golden friend of me who's who wrote the
34:16
book. Is it in your book again? It's called Toxic Family Transforming Childhood
34:24
Trauma into Adult Freedom. Yeah. So yeah, so it's on and it's
34:31
on Amazon right, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, everywhere books are sold.
34:37
And if you really feel drawn about anything you've heard to day, or you
34:43
feel drawn to to be in touch Susan gold dot us is the place that's
34:47
right. It is a dot us. What is it the what is the
34:54
beauty that you're really trying to create with all the work you do? Ease,
35:00
tranquility, freedom, just shifting out of that matrix, Michael, that
35:07
I was so hamstrung into that things had to be done a certain way,
35:15
that you had to follow like an automatime. I mean it's across the board.
35:20
It's it's almost with every structure, every corporate structure. Right. I
35:25
never fit into that corporate system though. I think I had a stint at
35:30
ICM and a stint at Fox, and I was like I was on Mars.
35:34
I just didn't fit in that construct. And it's breaking out of those
35:39
and realizing that I'm a human being here with purpose for an education in soul
35:46
evolution. That's what I truly truly believe. And once I've sort of shifted
35:52
my perspective and my outlook, it's a lot more pleasant and a lot more
35:57
hopefulled being here. Yeah, so it's the world looking more beautiful to you.
36:05
It does well. Plus it doesn't hurt that I hated another intuitive call
36:10
and I never thought i'd leave sunny southern California. But I moved to rural
36:16
Montana. And I grew up in a small town and I had a cabin
36:22
in the woods when I lived in New York City, up in the Cat's
36:25
Skills. So Montana is a bit like that times ten. So it's it's
36:31
really hard to be down in the dumps for too long because you just look
36:36
outside and it's just nature is stunning. Wow. Yeah, nature is stunning.
36:45
And one of my favorite things to do is to look up the stars
36:53
at night. It's like I go down to the beach and I look up
36:55
the stars at night, and then I realize how small everything really is in
37:01
how wonderful everything can be. Right, So have you created that? I
37:09
would see? I'm going to change this question. I usually ask what if
37:13
you could create the perfect world for you? Have you created that perfect world
37:17
for you? It feels like it's come to me. I mean, Montana
37:23
was not even on my bucket list, Michael, and I definitely was led
37:30
here, and I just I thought, well, if you come to Montana,
37:37
you live in the forests, don't you. And I'm living on the
37:43
prairie. It's very expansive, and I thought, why would I move to
37:47
Montana to live on the prairie, But just there wasn't much available in this
37:52
tiny town where I wanted to live on. What was a fit was on
37:58
the prairie, and so I just took it as a signal and decided,
38:02
yup, that's it. And now I live in like a natural oil painting
38:07
where nature is the background and the painting keeps changing, and the sky is
38:15
expansive, and there's wildflowers and there's green, and I just feel like I
38:22
love New York City. For the time I was there, and I was
38:25
happy in Los Angeles, but now I am in rural bliss and I feel
38:32
like I am living in heaven on earth. Yeah, so I knew before
38:40
we get started recording. I asked you about the photograph that did your background.
38:45
You said that that was a photograph of your backyard. Yeah. So,
38:52
so the photograph behind me is my backyard, and I have several others
38:57
out different windows. I'd love to shoot into the window and right out into
39:01
nature, but there's too much backlights. So I always take a photo and
39:05
just put it behind me. And it's really where I live. If I
39:08
look out my front window, it looks a little like Tuscany, and down
39:13
the side it looks like the Napoly Coast and Kaiet and out the back there's
39:16
the Canadian Rockies and it looks like the Swiss Alps. So I just let
39:22
go and source delivered. What can I say, It's just magical to be
39:30
here. Yeah, here you live, you live east of the Rockies,
39:36
don't you. I do. But the Canadian Rockies are north of me,
39:44
and I'm four miles from the Canadian border. Yeah, there's something we haven't
39:51
have in common. I'm about a two mile walk to the US border.
39:59
Yeah. I was just trying to picture which side of the Rockies are,
40:04
because because I'm on I'm west of the Rockies and I've seen them from both
40:12
sides, and the Rockies are just phenomenal. I've actually seen the Rockies as
40:16
far south as Colorado. So yeah, beautiful, beautiful scenery no matter where
40:25
do you go along them. So yeah, And how how lucky we are
40:30
we can appreciate it because for so long my head was down on the pavement,
40:37
took me a minute to recognize, Oh there's sky here, there's tree
40:40
leaves fluttering. Yeah. Spiritually, how have you made your perfect world?
40:50
Well, I'll tell you what. I don't have a discipline meditation practice.
40:55
I went for years where I had to sit on the cushion in a certain
40:59
way, practice a certain way. I had to do silent, week long
41:02
meditation retreats, and every time I would be in the middle of one,
41:06
I'd be like, I'm paying money to do this, Like I could be
41:09
on a beach somewhere. But my spiritual practice is not as formal. It's
41:15
more intuitive, it's more natural. It can be just having my feet in
41:20
the dirt and connecting and realizing I'm connecting. It can be sitting at my
41:25
desk realizing I don't I don't even remember when my last breath was, and
41:31
then taking one in and being cognizant of it. It's much more simple than
41:37
it was, and I feel it's healthier than some kind of disciplined have to
41:45
m Yeah, that sounds a true freedom to me. So anyway, the
41:52
best ways to get a hold of you again is at Susan Gold dot us
41:57
and if we go to Amazon Toxic Family right box of Family Transforming Childhood Trauma
42:04
into Adult Freedom. Very long title, but very meaningful. Bulk. Yeah,
42:14
So thank you for joining us. It's Michael, thank you, thank
42:19
you for having me. I know that it takes effort, it takes energy,
42:22
it takes finances, it takes purpose to do what you do with your
42:28
podcast, and I really appreciate it. I appreciate the content that you're putting
42:32
out for all of us and all your producing. So thank you, thank
42:37
you, and thank you that is quite the compliment. All right, thank
42:43
you for listening, everybody, and please do go and get Susan Gould's book,
42:49
or if you want a more personal conversation or email with her, go
42:54
to Susan Gold dot us all to ship Stop, I want You. I
43:10
just need to know so aways you call that ship start? I want You?
43:29
Is a dance? Is event to be something you can of us?
44:08
Two action, sir, I don't know, so I was for action?
44:42
What f says? Says me? I return to be said me like child.
45:08
We can't read, so you can't see, she called to. The
46:31
show has been produced by Depictions Media. Please contact us at depictions dot media
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for more information