Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How do narcissists feel when you finally cut them off for good

Transcript

How do narcissists feel when you finally cut them off for good · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissists act, or
• 0:05
  how narcissists feel when you cut them off for good.
• 0:11
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:12
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
• 0:14
  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:33
  So, boom, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, folks.
• 0:35
  Yes, yes, yes. So first of all, let's go and
• 0:37
  get this out of the way right now.
• 0:39
  Narcissistic people, most of them, a lot of them, hate it
• 0:44
  when you cut them off for good. When you go, no contact.
• 0:47
  Like I said, no contact works. You know, no contact.
• 0:50
  So this is this isn't just about going no contact.
• 0:52
  This is about like literally, like even if you have kids, you
• 0:56
  have to interact with them. When you cut them off, when you
• 0:59
  cut off access to them, you know, because you can cut off
• 1:02
  access to them. You can you can cut off access
• 1:05
  to you. You can cut, you can cut off
• 1:07
  access for them to you, but you still have to have, you know,
• 1:10
  interactions with them and what not.
• 1:12
  When you remove all your emotional reactions, when you
• 1:14
  finally take your power back and they did, they realize they no
• 1:17
  longer have any type of control over you.
• 1:18
  How do they feel? You know, in this, like I said,
• 1:21
  this can even happen when you have kids together.
• 1:25
  You know how they used to torture you, How they try to
• 1:27
  torture you through the kids. How they show up, show up to
• 1:29
  drop offs and pick ups and drop offs at different times.
• 1:33
  How they come to come late or come early or try to change the
• 1:37
  schedule for the last second in order to try to throw you off,
• 1:39
  in order to try to ruin your day or ruin your time and whatnot?
• 1:42
  That happens quite a bit, right? So when that stops affecting
• 1:47
  you, when they see that it's no longer affecting you, you win.
• 1:52
  Let's keep it real. In that situation right there,
• 1:54
  you have won. You are winning because that
• 1:57
  narcissist feels horrible. They feel terrible inside.
• 2:00
  They feel there's, there's a a shame that creeps into the
• 2:05
  narcissist, right? There's a lot of shame that
• 2:09
  takes over the narcissist, right?
• 2:11
  You know why? Because they feel like they they
• 2:13
  they lost. You have won narcissist.
• 2:16
  You know, if y'all watched any of my other videos, you know
• 2:19
  that a lot of narcissistic people think in terms of wins
• 2:22
  and losses, right? They are thinking in terms of
• 2:24
  winning and losing. So they're trying to put things
• 2:27
  together, they're losing their minds.
• 2:28
  They're doing this, they're doing that and they can't.
• 2:30
  They can't seem to make things work out.
• 2:32
  So if they they always just want to win.
• 2:35
  And winning to narcissists is access to you, It's control over
• 2:39
  you, it's getting reactions from you, right?
• 2:42
  So if they start, and if they lose all of that, then they say
• 2:44
  loss to them. So yeah.
• 2:46
  Will will they give up? Will they stop trying?
• 2:48
  No, a lot of them will not stop trying.
• 2:49
  Y'all. Some of them will get tired, get
• 2:51
  exhausted and just, you know, run away like a like a shame.
• 2:56
  A shameful dog, a little shameful narcissistic dog with
• 2:59
  their tail tucked between their legs.
• 3:01
  Some of them will do that, but there's a lot of them who just
• 3:03
  keep trying. They they want to exhaust you.
• 3:05
  They want a reaction from you. They want you to yell back.
• 3:08
  They want you to scream at them. They want you to send them a
• 3:10
  long text message so they can Pardon the Interruption.
• 3:13
  Just want to let you know that I do have courses and support
• 3:16
  groups available as well. Courses to help you understand
• 3:18
  what you went through and support groups to help you
• 3:20
  during or after the toxic relationship.
• 3:22
  Link in the description and back to the video I feel like so they
• 3:26
  can feel something. They want to feel something so
• 3:28
  they feel like they lost and This is why y'all they always
• 3:33
  they always seem to think that you have someone else even if
• 3:35
  they have someone else. Even if y'all have been
• 3:37
  separated or divorced for years. Y'all haven't been together for
• 3:40
  years. Like they still feel like you
• 3:44
  moving on is a smack in the face to them.
• 3:47
  So they will try to ruin your new relationship if you're in a
• 3:49
  new relationship. Narcissists will try to ruin
• 3:51
  your new relationship if they lose, if they feel like they're
• 3:54
  losing access to you, if you feel like you completely cut
• 3:57
  them out. They will try to ruin your new
• 3:58
  relationship if they know about it.
• 4:00
  Y'all hear these stories are y'all you go Google it.
• 4:03
  ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, UN alive new partner.
• 4:07
  They will come out and take the take the life of your new
• 4:09
  partner and you sometimes some of them will do that.
• 4:12
  Yeah. Some of them will get extremely
• 4:13
  dangerous. So how does how do they feel
• 4:15
  when you cut them off when you when they lose control they
• 4:18
  become they some of them can become dangerous.
• 4:20
  Some of them have psychotic breaks and they get because
• 4:22
  because they cannot get the image of you being with somebody
• 4:25
  else out of their head. They can't get that out of their
• 4:27
  heads. They can't get the image even.
• 4:29
  Yeah. And it's crazy like I say even
• 4:32
  if they themselves or with someone else.
• 4:35
  Even if they themselves or with someone else, even if they be,
• 4:38
  if they're with someone else, if, even if they themselves have
• 4:41
  other people in their life, multiple new supplies, they
• 4:45
  don't care. They don't want you to move on.
• 4:49
  So they'll still, some of them will start stalking you and
• 4:51
  popping up at your job, popping up at your place of employment,
• 4:55
  place of employment, job, popping up at your house,
• 4:58
  popping up at the gym, popping up at, you know, you know,
• 5:01
  wherever you're going to be. Some of them will absolutely
• 5:04
  stalk you. So you have to be careful.
• 5:08
  You absolutely do. This is one of those things that
• 5:10
  you have to do. You have to be careful because
• 5:14
  if you're not, then if you, then you're just going to lose.
• 5:16
  Let's just keep it real. Let's keep it hot.
• 5:18
  Let's keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza.
• 5:20
  Let's just keep it real. Because this is what happened so
• 5:23
  much. They always want some type of
• 5:26
  control over you. They always want some type of
• 5:28
  access to you. So when you cut that out, they,
• 5:32
  some of them could react negatively, some of you, and
• 5:34
  this is the greatest thing about it.
• 5:35
  Not every one of them will will react negatively, right?
• 5:38
  Some of them will. Some of them will ghost you.
• 5:41
  I know it's not funny. But some of them, because their
• 5:43
  feelings are hurt so badly, because they didn't think that
• 5:45
  you would leave them alone, Because they didn't think things
• 5:48
  that you would change or things would change.
• 5:50
  But some of them will absolutely leave you alone, right?
• 5:56
  Some of them will disappear on you, right?
• 5:59
  Some of them will leave you alone, ghost you.
• 6:01
  Even if you have kids, when they feel like they can't use the
• 6:04
  kids for leverage anymore, when they can't use the kids to
• 6:06
  harass you or sabotage your time or control your schedule, they
• 6:10
  will ghost you. They will abandoned the kids.
• 6:13
  They will leave you alone. They'll they'll disappear on you
• 6:16
  and start to start. Try to start a whole new family,
• 6:19
  you know, try to start an entire family dynamic.
• 6:22
  That's what they will do, right? That's what they would do.
• 6:25
  They'll try to start a whole new family.
• 6:26
  Just forget you because there's there's so much shame associated
• 6:29
  with it because they a lot of narcissists, right.
• 6:33
  See you and the kids as a package deal.
• 6:35
  Like if I, you know, I mean if I can't have access to you, then I
• 6:38
  don't want access to the kids. And then y'all already, y'all
• 6:41
  already know the story that goes that goes from here.
• 6:43
  They will start to try to make it seem like online that you are
• 6:45
  this big monster, like the the issues are with you, you did
• 6:49
  this, you did that, blah blah blah, blah, Boo, Boo BBB.
• 6:51
  Everything is going to be your fault.
• 6:53
  Y'all already know that you they go, my bitter ex won't let me
• 6:57
  see my kids or whatever. Whatever it is, y'all know how
• 6:59
  it goes. But that's why I'm saying you
• 7:01
  have to be able to put the work in.
• 7:04
  Like when you cut them off, you have to be safe as possible
• 7:06
  because you never really know how they're going to go and what
• 7:09
  you're thinking right now. When I say this, when you when I
• 7:11
  say cut them off for good, you're ignoring them.
• 7:14
  You're only responding to them when necessary.
• 7:15
  About the kids. When I say that it yeah, so many
• 7:21
  people get get this, get this into their head right here and I
• 7:24
  don't want you to be one of those people.
• 7:25
  Right. So many people say, I don't
• 7:27
  think they would do that. They don't seem like the person
• 7:29
  that would do that. Those are the people that will
• 7:32
  do it. I don't, I don't get the vibe
• 7:35
  from them that they will try to hurt me.
• 7:36
  Those are the people that have snap.
• 7:38
  Like when people have this psychotic break when people
• 7:40
  snap, they are not themselves. So they will the the the shame
• 7:44
  takes over. You know, the shame takes over.
• 7:47
  They want their needs met. It's kind of like, you know,
• 7:50
  Bruce, when Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk, that's how
• 7:53
  narcissists are. Your little narcissistic ex
• 7:56
  turns into like the little Hulk narcissist, even though they
• 7:58
  might be, they might be small in the mediative, they turn into
• 8:01
  this little Hulkish, narcissistic person, right?
• 8:03
  So you in this situation, you in this scenario have to be
• 8:06
  prepared, right? You have to stay ready.
• 8:08
  You have to stay at the go because like, if you don't think
• 8:13
  that they will do that one thing I've learned out, if I just, I
• 8:17
  don't put anything past anyone anymore, my mind just won't
• 8:22
  allow me to do that anymore. Because I've seen so many people
• 8:24
  in this situation. I've seen so many people in
• 8:27
  these relationships get hurt or lose their lives or whatever.
• 8:30
  Not so many people, but I've seen people.
• 8:32
  You can Google it. Yeah, I promise you can.
• 8:34
  Google can save you right here. You can look on Google and
• 8:37
  Google your current situation. They, some of them will have a
• 8:40
  psychotic break and come get you, come come try to take you
• 8:43
  out here and your new partner and sometimes the kids too.
• 8:46
  Family annihilators are real. So how do they feel when you cut
• 8:49
  them off? They want some of them want to
• 8:51
  annihilate you. If I can't have you, no one
• 8:54
  will. So you have to protect yourself.
• 8:56
  You you have to be, you know, you have to protect yourself.
• 9:00
  You have to protect your peace. You have you.
• 9:02
  You know it's it's up to you. And I know it doesn't feel fair
• 9:06
  because you just want to move on with your life.
• 9:08
  The the narcissistic, narcissistic people don't care
• 9:11
  about fairness. Y'all they care about control.
• 9:13
  They care about power. So some of them will absolutely
• 9:16
  just lose their minds and try to hurt you, try to harm you, try
• 9:19
  to turn the kids against you, try to take you to have you in
• 9:22
  and out of court trying to exhaust you, trying to exhaust
• 9:24
  not only your mental health, but your your financial resources.
• 9:28
  They'll just be dragging you to court for every little instance
• 9:31
  that they feel like is a violation of whatever court
• 9:33
  order you have and just try to drain your resources because you
• 9:36
  know, attorneys are expensive unless you're doing, unless
• 9:38
  you're doing, what do they call it pro SE where you represent
• 9:41
  yourself. I think that's what it's called.
• 9:43
  Unless you're doing that, they just take like, yeah, I'm just
• 9:46
  telling you they they will keep doing this over and over again.
• 9:49
  And that's why I just want you to prepare, prepare y'all for
• 9:51
  this because like, yeah, some of them and I'll, I'll end it with
• 9:54
  this right here, this last little thing.
• 9:55
  When you try to cut them off, some of them, not all of them,
• 9:58
  will go crazy and try to be, try to be evil to you, try to hurt
• 10:00
  you and try to harm you. Some of them will try to
• 10:03
  rekindle a love bombing phase. Some of them will absolutely try
• 10:07
  to start a new love bombing phase on you because it works,
• 10:11
  right? Because they'll start telling
• 10:13
  you everything that you want to hear.
• 10:15
  They'll start doing everything that you want them to do without
• 10:18
  you asking them to do it right. They'll try to love bomb you.
• 10:22
  And does it work? Yeah, it works a lot of time.
• 10:24
  Because this is the person they they're becoming who you want
• 10:26
  them to be. You're you're getting fulfilled,
• 10:28
  right? Your dreams are getting
• 10:29
  fulfilled. You're getting, like, that's
• 10:31
  what I'm just telling you. Like your dreams are being
• 10:33
  fulfilled here, right? So in these spaces, in these
• 10:37
  situations, you have to be the one to cut them off and remain
• 10:40
  safe and not fall for the love bombing.
• 10:44
  I know it feels good, I know it sounds good.
• 10:45
  I know it. Sometimes it can be good.
• 10:47
  But you have not. You cannot fall for the love
• 10:50
  bombing phase. If you fall for the love
• 10:52
  bombing, they will continue to continue to do it over and over
• 10:54
  again. And when you try to leave them
• 10:56
  again, when you try to cut them off, guess what happens?
• 10:58
  Another love bomb. And that's why I'm just telling
• 11:00
  you I believe. Well, how do we know?
• 11:02
  What if they're really trying to change their behaviours?
• 11:04
  I'll say this right here. If they're really trying to
• 11:06
  change their behaviours and they try to love bombing you and you
• 11:08
  deny it and then they and they might, they'll lose their minds.
• 11:13
  If they're faking it, if the let me rephrase that, if they're
• 11:18
  faking it right and you deny the love bomber, you say no thank
• 11:22
  you. You said a boundary and they
• 11:23
  lose their minds. They will just lose they they
• 11:26
  they will lose their minds. If they're faking it, if it's
• 11:28
  real. They will respect your
• 11:29
  boundaries and leave you alone, at least for a little while.
• 11:32
  They will respect it. Yeah.
• 11:34
  Anyway, y'all thank you for tuning in to another episode.
• 11:36
  I really appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 11:38
  As always, subscribe to the channel Little Illnesses Out
• 11:41
  please. Thank you so much for making it
• 11:42
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
• 11:45
  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 11:47
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel, Help us reach
• 11:49
  more people and click on the screen to watch another video or
• 11:51
  to browse through another playlist.
• 11:53
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:55
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 11:58
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 12:00
  I will see you in the next video.
• 12:01
  Peace.