Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #232 From the Doctor's Desk

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#232 From the Doctor's Desk · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, the more involved Dad is and the more Dad
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  Speaker 2: feels like he can be helpful, the better it is
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  Speaker 2: for his mental health.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and Dad.
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  Speaker 2: Good night. It's doctor Justin Colson, the author of six
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  Speaker 2: books about raising happy families and the founder of Happy
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  Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. I'm here with Kylie, missus,
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  Speaker 2: happy family's wife and co host for the Happy Families podcasts.
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  Speaker 3: We received some wonderful feedback five star review our daily habit.
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  Speaker 3: This is by Surreybomb. She says, my husband and I
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  Speaker 3: started listening to Justin and Kylie to get a jump
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  Speaker 3: start on making our family happier. We have a nine
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  Speaker 3: month old daughter. That's a wonderful jump start.
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  Speaker 2: We're making getting into it early.
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  Speaker 3: That's great and we feel well equipped and positively challenged
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  Speaker 3: to change our family's future. Kylie, you represent the mother's
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  Speaker 3: heart so well and los Kylie and Justin get in
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  Speaker 3: our day to day lives.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 2: H that's what a great review. Five stars. Thank you
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  Speaker 2: so much? Was it? Sariy Bomb? Sary Bomb, We really
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  Speaker 2: appreciate that. It's the five star ratings and reviews that
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  Speaker 2: you send through that help other people to find out
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  Speaker 2: about the podcast and make their family happier. Now, every
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  Speaker 2: second Thursday or thereabouts, we have a podcast duly devoted
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  Speaker 2: totally devoted.
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  Speaker 3: To you geeking out.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, come on like that. So, research scientists don't usually
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  Speaker 2: do the best job in the world of getting their
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  Speaker 2: research findings out into the public domain. And what I
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  Speaker 2: do is I get a whole lot of research papers
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  Speaker 2: come across my desk every week. Every few days, I
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  Speaker 2: get another pile of them, and I sift through them
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  Speaker 2: and find the stuff that I think is most interesting
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  Speaker 2: for us to talk about, to get the science from
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  Speaker 2: the academic institutions into the real world. And that's what
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  Speaker 2: we're going to talk about today. We have three different
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  Speaker 2: reports that I am going to tell you about. Which
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  Speaker 2: one do you want to play with first time?
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  Speaker 3: Well, the first one was published in Child Development out
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  Speaker 3: of Concordia University, and it talks about problematic Internet use
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  Speaker 3: and link that that has with depression.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, So PIU is the academic term that psychology researchers
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  Speaker 2: use to talk about whether somebody's using the internet too
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  Speaker 2: much or not or using their screens too much. Normal
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  Speaker 2: people say, oh, my kids are addicted, but psychologists don't
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  Speaker 2: like to use that term because addiction has a whole
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  Speaker 2: lot of it has a whole lot of clinical significance,
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  Speaker 2: and so we talk about compulsive internet use or problematic
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  Speaker 2: internet use. And this was research from Helsinki, really really
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  Speaker 2: well done research. Actually seventeen hundred and fifty high school
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  Speaker 2: students followed over three years age between sixteen and nineteen,
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  Speaker 2: and the research has looked at three things that could
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  Speaker 2: predict whether somebody is going to have problematic internet use
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  Speaker 2: or not. You haven't seen this research, so let me
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  Speaker 2: ask you, what do you think would predict whether or
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  Speaker 2: not a child's going to have problematic internet use?
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  Speaker 3: So, whether or not their parents actually have conversations with
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  Speaker 3: them around usage and limits like.
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  Speaker 2: Boundaries, great behavior or parenting practice was one of the
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  Speaker 2: predictors of whether or not those teenagers would have problematic
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  Speaker 2: internet use or not. What the research is basically find
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  Speaker 2: is that better parenting is linked to lower problematic internet use,
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  Speaker 2: and better parenting is a composition of being warm and strict,
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  Speaker 2: and you have to be both at the same time.
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  Speaker 2: That is when you're enforcing limits. You've got to do
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  Speaker 2: it with a really warm connection. You've got to actually
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  Speaker 2: maintain the bond. You can't sever the connection between parent
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  Speaker 2: and child. So when we are not parenting right, our
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  Speaker 2: children are much more likely to engage in problematic internet use.
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  Speaker 2: There was a couple of other outcomes that they found.
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  Speaker 2: What do you reckon?
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  Speaker 3: I think friends will have a huge impact.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you could be a psychologist. You're doing You're doing
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  Speaker 2: really well with this. The other one that they came
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  Speaker 2: up with was loneliness, defined as a lack of satisfying
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  Speaker 2: in a personal relationships or the perceived inadequacy of social networks.
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  Speaker 2: So they're the two main predictors loneliness, kids just feeling
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  Speaker 2: isolated and secondly parents either parenting well or not linking
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  Speaker 2: that to problematic internet use. The other thing that they
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  Speaker 2: looked at was gender. They found that boys are more
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  Speaker 2: likely to engage in problematic internet use than girls because
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  Speaker 2: they tend to be more prone to addictive like behavior.
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  Speaker 2: They're more impulsive, and as other studies have shown, they've
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  Speaker 2: got more online options like gaming, watching YouTube, looking at pornography.
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  Speaker 2: Girls are less likely to do any of those things.
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  Speaker 2: They still do those things, but not as much as boys.
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  Speaker 2: Girls are much more likely to just be online for
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  Speaker 2: socializing purposes.
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  Speaker 3: What's a couple of things that we can do as
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  Speaker 3: parents to help with this problematic internet use?
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so this is really important because what these researchers
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  Speaker 2: found is not only do those three things predict problematic
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  Speaker 2: internet use, but once problematic internet use is embedded and
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  Speaker 2: is an issue, those children who have PIU experienced high
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  Speaker 2: levels of substance abuse, lower levels of academic achievement, and
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  Speaker 2: they're more likely to experience depression and other mental health issues.
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  Speaker 2: So I think the first thing is that we want
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  Speaker 2: to help our children to lead whole and balanced lives.
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  Speaker 2: That is, they need to be socially connected in real life.
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  Speaker 2: And I know that's hard because sometimes we've got quiet
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  Speaker 2: kids or kids that are a little bit I don't know,
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  Speaker 2: a bit dorky, you're a bit geeky, or a bit
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  Speaker 2: socially awkward. And I'm not saying those words in unkind ways.
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  Speaker 2: I mean we all have those moments where a bit
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  Speaker 2: like that. They're teenagers, they're supposed to be trying to
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  Speaker 2: figure it out. Our job, therefore, as parents is to
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  Speaker 2: somehow guide them towards some sort of physical activity, some
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  Speaker 2: kind of art or theater, some kind of something outside
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  Speaker 2: of their bedroom and away from their screen, so they
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  Speaker 2: can be physically active, so they can be mentally alert,
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  Speaker 2: so they can be socially engaged. Helping them to do
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  Speaker 2: that is going to tick off that first thing of
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  Speaker 2: being lonely, because they're going to be active and engaged. Secondly,
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  Speaker 2: as parents, we've got to maintain that connection with them.
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  Speaker 2: We cannot sever the connection no matter how frustrating they are.
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  Speaker 2: And Thirdly, stay connected to them no matter what's going on.
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  Speaker 2: This means that we've got to establish boundaries with them.
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  Speaker 2: And I think the three is of effective discipline that
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  Speaker 2: I talk about all the time, Exploring, explaining, and empowering
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  Speaker 2: are going to be the best method to move through
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  Speaker 2: that for people who are not familiar with them. We've
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  Speaker 2: got plenty of podcasts where I talk about it, and
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  Speaker 2: i'll direct you to there for now. In just a
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  Speaker 2: sec we're going to talk about the other two research
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  Speaker 2: findings that have come across the Doctor's Desk. We're going
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  Speaker 2: to talk about how parents can get over involved in
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  Speaker 2: their children's lives and what it does to their children
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  Speaker 2: and what dad's being involved with their infants does for
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  Speaker 2: their well being.
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  Speaker 1: It's their Happy Famili's podcast.
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  Speaker 2: For a happier family.
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  Speaker 3: Try a Happy Families membership, because a happy family doesn't
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  Speaker 3: just happen.
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  Speaker 2: Details at happy Families dot com dot Au.
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  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers Now and today we
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  Speaker 3: are exploring a bit of research that's come across the
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  Speaker 3: doctor's desk.
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  Speaker 2: You're the doctor for today, I am, well, actually all
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  Speaker 2: the time. So we've got two other pieces of research
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  Speaker 2: that I think are really worth exploring right now.
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  Speaker 3: The second one comes out of a article that was
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  Speaker 3: published in the Frontiers and Psychology Journal, and it talks
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  Speaker 3: specifically about what happens to dads as they become more
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  Speaker 3: involved in the care of their infants.
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  Speaker 2: So this was a really nice study. It's consistent with
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  Speaker 2: what other research has shown for a while now, but
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  Speaker 2: I wanted to highlight it because we're getting this really
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  Speaker 2: nice what we call a signature of evidence. There's been
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  Speaker 2: different bits and pieces trickling through for a few years
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  Speaker 2: about dad's involvement with their young children, their newborns through
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  Speaker 2: the first year or two of life. And this is
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  Speaker 2: an extension of that. A few years ago I was
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  Speaker 2: working with Beyond Blue on something that was a big
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  Speaker 2: program all about dads. There were some fantastic resources that
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  Speaker 2: were created all about giving dad vice, which is advice
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  Speaker 2: for dad's. Do you like that dadvice? It's still available
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  Speaker 2: with Beyond Blue. You can actually look it up and
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  Speaker 2: watch the videos. It's really really great. But there's this
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  Speaker 2: called postnatal depression for dads. That is when some mums
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  Speaker 2: get postnatal depression, so dad's. In fact, sometimes mums don't
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  Speaker 2: get it and dads still get it after the birth
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  Speaker 2: of a baby. And some people sort of over the
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  Speaker 2: years of rob their eyes and say, oh, come on,
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  Speaker 2: it's not really a thing, but the evidence shows that
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  Speaker 2: it is.
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  Speaker 3: There is so much that changes in that first year
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  Speaker 3: of life together. Yeah, your relationship morphs so many different
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  Speaker 3: times in that first year.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, once that baby is born, everything changes. Availability to
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  Speaker 2: be awake and talk to each other, to connect, to
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  Speaker 2: have the adult conversations, and then there's the stresses that
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  Speaker 2: come with having a child. So what this research showed
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  Speaker 2: was that fathers who have what we call greater parental
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  Speaker 2: self efficacy, that is parental self efficacy basically means a
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  Speaker 2: dad who knows believes he knows how to be helpful,
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  Speaker 2: whether it's changing the baby's nappy or picking up an
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  Speaker 2: unhappy child, or assisting with the feeding, of playing with
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  Speaker 2: them and tickling them, whatever it is. If you feel
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  Speaker 2: like you've got self efficacy in something, you feel like
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  Speaker 2: you can do it. So dads who had greater parental
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  Speaker 2: self efficacy they spent more time with their kids number one,
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  Speaker 2: which kind of makes sense. If you feel like you're
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  Speaker 2: not self efficacious, you're not going to spend time with
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  Speaker 2: the child, But if you do feel that, then you're
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  Speaker 2: not going to be so scared of being around them.
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  Speaker 2: But they also number one provided more material support for
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  Speaker 2: the child a month after birth, and they showed less
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  Speaker 2: depression during the baby's first year of life. And this
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  Speaker 2: didn't matter whether they were well educated or not. It
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  Speaker 2: didn't matter what their financial means were, age, ethnicity, none
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  Speaker 2: of that mattered, whether they were cohabiting or married. The
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  Speaker 2: more involved dad is and the more dad feels like
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  Speaker 2: he can be helpful, the better it is for his
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  Speaker 2: mental health. Now, there's research that shows that it's good
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  Speaker 2: for everybody when that's happening. We've talked about that recently,
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  Speaker 2: lightning the cognitive load. But it's especially good for dads.
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  Speaker 2: The more involved they are, the happier and healthier they are.
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  Speaker 3: So I guess to take home for me listening to
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  Speaker 3: this and I'm seeing that there's some take homes for
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  Speaker 3: both mums and dads out of this research. What would
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  Speaker 3: you suggest mums can do to help with this process?
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  Speaker 2: Let dad be involved every now and they're going to
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  Speaker 2: hear these stories about very very protective mums or mums
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  Speaker 2: who just don't really believe that much in the confidence
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  Speaker 2: of dad. I mean, this research actually held across even
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  Speaker 2: dads who are absent. You know, they're not living with mum,
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  Speaker 2: they're not living with the baby. The more they can
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  Speaker 2: be involved, the less likely it is that they'll have depression.
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  Speaker 2: And the less likely they have it is that they'll
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  Speaker 2: have depression. Guess what, the more involved they can be.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, we don't know whether it's being involved with
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  Speaker 2: the baby that reduces depression or whether it's people who
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  Speaker 2: have got less depression and more likely to be involved
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  Speaker 2: with the baby. We still can't figure that out. But
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  Speaker 2: what we do know is that these two things happen together.
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  Speaker 2: So I would say, get dad involved with the child.
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  Speaker 2: It's better for the child and it's also better for
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  Speaker 2: the dad. So get dad involved early and often. And second,
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  Speaker 2: mums bring dad in, teach him how, induct him, learn
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  Speaker 2: to together, figure it out together. Because paternal depression is
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  Speaker 2: a really serious issue. It requires attention and we're all
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  Speaker 2: going to be better off if nobody's dealing with any
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  Speaker 2: kind of postpartum depression of any kind, whether it's mum
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  Speaker 2: or dad. That's kind of the take home message. Let's
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  Speaker 2: get everyone involved, and let's encourage that involvement and teach
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  Speaker 2: how to be involved. I love that number three, Lucky.
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  Speaker 3: Last research came out of Stanford, published in the Journal
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  Speaker 3: of Family Psychology reveals the impact of too much parental
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  Speaker 3: direction with our children.
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  Speaker 2: This is really interesting. I've written about this previously, but
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  Speaker 2: I really really love this piece of research. As from
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  Speaker 2: the Stanford Graduate School of Education. As you said, in
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  Speaker 2: this study, the researchers were observing parents when their kindergarten
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  Speaker 2: age kids age between four and six were actively engaged
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  Speaker 2: in playing and cleaning up toys and learning a new
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  Speaker 2: game and discussing a problem. It was a twenty five
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  Speaker 2: minute scenario and what happened was that you'll ldren of
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  Speaker 2: parents who more often stepped in to provide instructions or
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  Speaker 2: corrections or suggestions, or to ask questions despite the child
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  Speaker 2: being appropriately on task and engaged with what was going on,
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  Speaker 2: Those children displayed more difficulty in regulating their behavior and
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  Speaker 2: their emotions at other times. The kids in this situation
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  Speaker 2: also performed worse on tasks that measured delayed gratification and
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  Speaker 2: other executive functions, skills associated with impulse control and the
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  Speaker 2: ability to shift between competing demands for attention in a nutshell,
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  Speaker 2: when parents intrude and take the lead and children already
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  Speaker 2: engaged in something, that is, when parents step in and
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  Speaker 2: start to become controlling, we get lousy outcomes with our kids.
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  Speaker 2: They don't know how to regulate, they don't know how
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  Speaker 2: to control themselves, they don't know how to shift from
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  Speaker 2: one task to another. They keep on looking to the
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  Speaker 2: parents to take the lead, and we actually undermine their
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  Speaker 2: learning and development.
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  Speaker 3: Well how did they figure that out?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really clever study. Actually, So each parent
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  Speaker 2: and child's observe separately. They're not all in a big
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  Speaker 2: room parent and child together, And normally what will happen
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  Speaker 2: is the parent child diad will be observed over a
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  Speaker 2: ten minute or twenty minute or a one hour period,
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  Speaker 2: and then there'll be a rating given based on the
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  Speaker 2: quality of the interaction. But what these researchers did was
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  Speaker 2: they recorded the twenty five minute activity and then they
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  Speaker 2: broke it down second by second, and it literally evaluated
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  Speaker 2: each second of interaction independently, which means that we're not
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  Speaker 2: getting this sort of overall view of what's going on.
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  Speaker 2: We're literally getting a second by second viewpoint, which helps
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  Speaker 2: us then to see exactly what's going on. So they
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: were broken down second by second, and that way they
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  Speaker 2: can be evaluated independently. As an example, during this twenty
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  Speaker 2: five minute activity, a mom might be following her son's
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  Speaker 2: lead for thirteen seconds and then she sort of withdraws,
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  Speaker 2: looks at a phone for five or ten seconds, and
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  Speaker 2: then she steps in and says no, no, no, no, like this,
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  Speaker 2: and she shows him how to do it and takes
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  Speaker 2: over for thirty five seconds. And that way they're getting
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  Speaker 2: this really really deep insight, this beautiful look at what's
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  Speaker 2: actually going on, and the results speak for themselves. The
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  Speaker 2: more involved we are, which which is kind of interesting, right,
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  Speaker 2: because we're always sad that we have to be involved,
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  Speaker 2: but we just have to be present to help when
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  Speaker 2: they're struggling. The research shows when they're struggling by all means,
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  Speaker 2: gently ask how you can help, but don't do it
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  Speaker 2: for them. But what these researchers found was that when
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  Speaker 2: the parents stepped in, suboptimal results helicopter parenting and it's
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  Speaker 2: lousy for our kids.
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  Speaker 3: You know, parenting is just such a mind field of
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  Speaker 3: contradiction and advice. We can everywhere we look somebody's giving
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  Speaker 3: us advice. So we really hope that today's podcast you've
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  Speaker 3: been able to navigate that mindfield just a little bit
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  Speaker 3: easier as a result of the things that we've shared
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: from the doctor's desk.
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  Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan from
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Our executive producer is Craig Bruce. For more
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: information about making you family happier, visit happy families dot
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: com dot au
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  Speaker 1: In Colle