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Diva Mia: Rediscovering You: Embrace Life and Find Your Purpose · The Diva Details

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  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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  Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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  Well, hello, this is Diva Mia. Today, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about
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  how to find your purpose again.
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  It could be after loss of a job, after death of a spouse, after a long-term
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  relationship and then a breakup, after a divorce.
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  Your purpose is extremely important. It helps us keep moving along in life.
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  Struggling to find your purpose can be challenging.
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  After losing a partner, it can be very painful and confusing.
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  I know a lot of people do wrap their identity up in their partner.
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  You might have been a couple that always went places together,
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  and so now that when you go places, the restaurants seem different,
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  things feel different, and now you're trying to find who you really are.
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  This is not the end. It's your invitation to rediscover yourself.
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  It's the most important relationship you're ever going to have in
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  life is the relationship with yourself so rediscovering yourself
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  is very important your self-talk is important how you treat yourself part of
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  this is going to be growth for you a lot of times we don't grow unless we go
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  through pain so remember that when a relationship ends especially after many
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  years you were tangled up in the we and now you get to discover the me and who
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  you are specifically there's no longer a
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  we, it's now a me. You are amazing.
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  And you are wonderful, and you were put here for a purpose.
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  And this is the best time for you to find your purpose.
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  When you go through a loss, it can trigger an identity crisis.
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  I know when I went through my loss, I had a complete identity crisis.
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  It was 28 years of a relationship, and then I got out of the relationship or
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  the marriage, and then I was wondering, where's my purpose?
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  It was a struggle, I will say. And I think it's a growth factor.
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  If you look at the relationship as a lesson and every aspect of the relationship
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  as a lesson, you will find that it helped you along your life journey.
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  That's kind of how things are in life. I think we find out that whenever there's
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  a problem, it's a good thing.
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  Because whenever there's a problem, there's an opportunity for growth and a lesson to be learned.
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  And the reality is, if you don't learn from those lessons, you keep repeating them.
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  So if you keep dating the same person, or if you keep going through the same
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  type of relationship in life, you're going to realize that you just never actually
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  learned the lesson that you needed to learn. If you get out of the relationship
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  and you say, this person's exactly like my last.
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  Well, you were missing the lesson all along. Let's talk about our purpose now.
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  You're going to need to grieve first. You're going to need to grieve the person.
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  You're going to need to let them go.
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  Then you can start to look inward. The person you want to be with that relationship
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  is gone. And that's okay.
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  You need to find the new you. And the new you is going to be different than the old you.
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  Who were you before the relationship? Is there any part of you that you want
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  to recall back? For instance, I was extremely driven and motivated before my
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  relationship, and I love that part of me. So I want to call that back into me.
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  That is part of my core values and who I am.
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  What part did you abandon during the relationship or silence in order to keep
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  the relationship going?
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  A lot of times when we're in relationships, we mute ourselves in order to keep the peace.
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  Refining your purpose is reawakening those parts of yourself that you don't
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  want to have muted, that you should never have probably muted in the first place.
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  Now that you're finding yourself again, you can unmute that portion of you and reawaken.
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  What have you always wanted to do, but you put it off? This might be a great
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  time to go on that trip that you didn't go on because your partner didn't want to go on it with you.
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  Or to explore something new because you had a job that didn't allow you to go explore.
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  Now is the time to go out there and go for it. It will give you extra energy.
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  And also, what brings you energy in life? I mean, right now,
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  are you happy doing what you're doing?
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  Is your job making you happy? Are you feeling fulfilled?
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  This is a great time to explore exactly what you want in life.
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  I've been through different types of healing journeys in the past couple of years.
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  It's the more I heal, the more I level up and I'm finding new parts of me as I'm leveling up.
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  I'm finding new ways that I want to grow as I'm leveling up.
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  I'm expanding into new business opportunities.
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  The new business opportunities are making me grow in ways that I never expected.
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  One thing to do is to journal. I think journaling is so important when you're
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  trying to find yourself again.
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  You can write down things you're interested in, things that sparked your attention.
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  I really love walking in nature.
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  Walking in nature and meditation helps me get focused.
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  Even swimming. I like doing long swimming for like an hour, hour and a half.
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  Go and swim, and I really get into my head and I can focus.
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  Whatever it is that makes you calm your mind and relax and go inward.
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  Silent mornings are good for some people. Sometimes listening to classical music is a good thing.
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  Therapy and coaching can help, but I really do believe that a lot of this work has to be done solo.
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  You can't get it from your friends. You can't get it from your therapist or even from a coach.
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  They will help, but because this is a personal thing, if you take other people's
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  opinions completely, what will happen is you'll get their biases.
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  You'll get their belief system. This is something that you need to do for you.
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  It may be crazy what you want to do. Maybe you want to travel around the world
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  and everybody around you is telling you it's crazy, but you want to do it.
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  Then maybe that's something you need to do. Maybe you want to completely change careers.
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  Maybe you want to refocus your life on something else.
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  Maybe you want to go from being a high-powered executive to being a full-time
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  mom. There are many things you can do, and it's up to you to choose.
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  Your purpose, it doesn't have to be huge. It can be just stepping back and going
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  into your own personal power.
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  It can be stepping back and coming back into your femininity.
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  Men go through this too, ladies. Some men will have the same type of problems after a divorce.
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  They wrap their identity up in the marriage as well, and they lost themselves.
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  So it's not just women that go through the struggle of refining your purpose.
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  But it does start with intention, and you have to be intentional about it.
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  And I recognized early on after my divorce that I had wrapped up a lot of my
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  purpose into taking care of my ex and making sure that he was happy.
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  And when I realized that I need to have a new purpose and it has nothing to
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  do with him, it was a little scary at first, I will say. I will...
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  Let you know that you're going to go through days where you're like,
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  what is it? And you just keep asking the same question over and over again.
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  What do I want to do with my life? What is my purpose? How do I do this?
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  How do I change? How do I shift from the us to the me or the we to the me?
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  How do I fix this? Well, it is going to be challenging. But again,
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  like everything good, if you step out of your comfort zone, you're going to
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  find some new things that you just fall in love with about yourself.
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  I would recommend as much as possible when you're trying to find your new purpose
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  is first of all, step out of your comfort zone.
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  Try to get out there and do things you've never done before because you will
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  find that you love certain things that you thought were going to be very scary.
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  I will say also try to constantly move in action.
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  I think a lot of times we let fear override us and we talk ourselves out of
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  doing the things we know we should just go and do.
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  Try something new every single week. I like to try something new every single day.
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  Go to an art class, go dancing, travel a little bit. Anything you want to really
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  do, I think it's a great way to rediscover your purpose.
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  Maybe you want to focus on contribution and get back into religion.
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  A lot of people after a divorce go back into religion. I know that I refocused
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  after my divorce as well.
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  I listen to religious podcasts now. I listened to religious songs on the radio,
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  changed into a new church.
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  So a lot of things will happen after you have a breakup, a divorce,
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  or even a death that sometimes going back into religion helps or maybe contributing to other people.
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  You might want to go into a charity organization and give back.
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  It just depends on what makes you feel whole. I like to do a vision board.
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  I've done multiple vision boards and I redid my vision board.
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  I actually had a vision board party after my divorce and I sat down with a friend
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  and we just worked through our vision boards.
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  I added all the things I really wanted, not the things I wanted for me and my
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  ex, but the things I wanted for me and my children.
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  Going forward, this is my new vision of who I really wanted to be.
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  That really did help focus.
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  I recommend revising your vision board every three months. Now,
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  some people say to do it every year.
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  I think that's too long. I think you need to revisit your vision board,
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  add things, and pull things off that you're not necessarily wanting anymore
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  because we do evolve. People really do change.
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  With the vision board, you can then take the vision board and you can set little
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  goals, micro goals or mini goals off of the vision board. So you take your vision board.
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  Let's say you want to have a new car. Okay, that's something small and easy to do.
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  So you want to have a new car. you need to lay out a plan, little micro goals in order to get there.
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  If you want to compete in a marathon, maybe you need to step through over the
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  next 12 months what you need to do monthly and hit every single goal.
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  You can have a long-term vision board and you can have a short-term vision board.
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  I recommend your short-term vision board has to be things you want to hit in the next year.
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  And then from that short-term vision board, you need to be looking at it every day. You really do.
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  And thinking about it, visualizing it. And then from everything you want to
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  do, take that and step out little goals.
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  Ask what you want to do for this next chapter. I mean, maybe you want to write
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  a book. Maybe you want to create a podcast.
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  Maybe you want to do things with your children. Whatever it is,
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  make sure you write it down and you create little goals around each thing you
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  want to do. Give yourself some grace.
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  Get rid of the guilt. Don't give yourself so much guilt for what happened.
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  Things happen in life. People move on. People change. People do things that
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  you don't expect, but give yourself some grace.
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  Learn that you're enough. You're worthy. Whatever happened, happened.
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  Start with a clean slate. Tomorrow's a new day. Don't forget.
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  You can forgive. You don't have to forget, but you're moving on and you don't
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  want to sit there and dwell in the past.
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  I know a lot of times when people go through a divorce, they ruminate too long.
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  Maybe their ex is nearby and they run into them all the time.
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  It might be that you want to move towns so you don't run into your ex all the time.
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  Get rid of ruminating in the past. It's okay to cry too.
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  When I got divorced, I cried a lot. I'm not a big crier. It was unexpected.
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  When you cry, you let some of that pain out. I will say it was healing to cry.
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  Now I don't cry at all anymore over it. I'm done. But it took a while and it's okay to cry.
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  It's okay to let that pain out. Whether you're a woman or a man,
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  it's okay for men to cry too.
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  And then eventually what will happen is you'll wake up one morning and you'll
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  just feel joy because you've healed and you've let it out.
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  Now, healing is not an end date. Healing is a process.
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  I think healing is more about us changing and evolving into who we want to be
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  and leveling up to who we want to be than any type of forgiveness.
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  Healing is for our own personal growth, for us to grow into who we really want to be.
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  And one day you'll have so much joy, you'll start laughing. And there should
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  not be any guilt around. You're just laughing. You're happy.
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  There's nothing wrong with being happy again. Don't apologize for your joy.
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  You've got to really feel that joy. You're allowed to find joy again.
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  You're allowed to be happy again. You're allowed to move into a new place,
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  a new piece, a new level. I encourage you to.
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  And we as women need to grow from our pain and still love again.
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  I am love. I love to give people love.
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  That doesn't mean every guy I date I fall in love with. No, I'm not that way.
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  I do give people care and consideration and love. That's part of one of my core values.
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  I think we as women need to give
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  love without the fear of being destroyed again. That's part of living.
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  Part of living is there's going to be breakups and there's going to be heartbreak
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  and things will happen, but that shouldn't change who you are as a core person.
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  We can give love and still have boundaries.
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  We can give love and still protect ourselves.
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  Protection and boundaries doesn't mean that you're not loving.
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  It just means that you're also loving yourself because you're just as important
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  as the other person. Remember that as well.
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  I think that was one of the hardest lessons for me to realize is I felt like
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  I couldn't love again after.
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  But now that I have my purpose, now that I know what direction I'm going in,
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  and now that I've been able to give someone love again, if it ends, it ends.
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  But the person I love the most now is myself, and that should be part of your purpose as well.
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  This is not a breakdown in life when you have a loss like this. It's a breakthrough.
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  You're going to grow from it, even if it hurts like no pain you've ever felt
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  before. It will give you new purpose.
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  It's going to help you start from experience this time, though.
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  So you're not starting all the way over again from the beginning.
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  You're starting from experience.
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  You're starting to live a life that you never imagined. and you can grow in
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  any direction that you want to.
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  You have the right to grow in any direction you want to. And no one can tell you no.
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  Now, I'm not saying you go out and you break the law, but I am saying you get
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  to explore all the new beauty that's out there.
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  I will say once in a while, I wake up and I look at the sky and I say how beautiful that is.
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  Or I listen to the birds cawing in the background and I'm like, wow.
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  The other day I had ducks fly into my swimming pool And I was like, that is beautiful.
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  And I took pictures and I slowed down. And the nice thing is that I get to slow
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  down now and take care of me.
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  And you need to take care of you. Because if you're not taking care of you,
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  you can't help anyone else.
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  And the more you start to fill your cup up and find your purpose and find your
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  reality and heal, the more you will grow into your purpose.
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  Now that you know what you want to do, go find that purpose.
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  Find your direction. I would say make a list of all the things that you love.
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  All the things that you enjoy doing.
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  I love lists. I don't know if you've listened to any of my other podcasts, but I do love lists.
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  And the more things you write down that you love to do, it's kind of like a
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  bucket list, but a bucket list for you.
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  A bucket list to help with your healing. If you want to go travel to somewhere
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  you never got to travel to, write it on your list.
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  If you want to experience drawing, write it on your list. If you want to date
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  a certain type of person, write that on your list.
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  If you want to change jobs, write that on your list.
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  And take steps to make these things that you really want to do happen.
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  Because our lives are not forever.
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  We never know when it's going to end. And our purpose should make us feel whole,
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  should make us feel complete, should help us grow.
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  It may be you want to enter a bodybuilding competition. It may be that you want to lose 50 pounds.
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  It may be that you want to change your style, change your hair color, change the way you look.
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  But the biggest growth you're going to have with your purpose is internally.
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  You're going to find that you are an amazing person, that you never knew how
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  special and amazing you are until you focus on you.
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  I do believe a lot of times people stay single for a long time and don't date
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  because of this, because they're learning about themselves, because they're
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  on that journey to self-discovery.
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  And I do also recommend to take a technology break or to go to a spa or a retreat
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  where there's no technology and you can just de-stress and de-plug and walk
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  away from all the noise because all that stuff is just a distraction.
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  And when you have too many distractions, you're not looking for your purpose.
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  You're just looking for something to keep your mind off of the pain.
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  Until you can actually get rid of the distractions, you won't find your purpose
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  because the purpose comes after the pain.
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  The pain comes first to teach us our lessons. And we've really got to look for those lessons.
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  And once we get to those lessons, then you can start looking for your purpose.
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  And the funny thing is, is as you find your purpose, you might look back again
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  and say, oh, I forgot I learned that lesson as well. So those lessons will help
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  you get to your next purpose and your next level and your next level up.
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  And you may find that you're leveling up a lot now.
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  I have found that I'm leveling up in every area of my life.
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  I leveled up with my friends. I let some friends had to go. So sometimes you'll
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  find that friends are defeating your new purpose.
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  The friends that kept you in the same way you were before, that were comfortable
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  with you, that liked it when you were drinking too much, that liked it when
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  you were overweight or eating too much, that liked it when you were in that
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  relationship, they may be gone.
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  And that might be a good thing. They were probably not where you need to go.
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  So remember that. And find your strength inside. Every single one of you has
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  this amazing strength inside that you really need to go and find.
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  It's like a little flame inside, and that strength will help take you to your new purpose.
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  That strength will guide you on your journey. And don't look for your purpose in another person.
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  Your purpose can be to take care
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  of your children, but don't look for your purpose inside the children.
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  But your purpose comes from within. And if you try to pull it from another person
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  or you try to rush out into dating to have someone else teach you your purpose,
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  you're going to be back in the same problem, in the same boat you're in.
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  This is your journey. This is your journey to self-discovery and self-love.
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  And it's amazing how much you can love yourself as you redefine your purpose
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  and redefine who you are.
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  As you grow, find what you really want.
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  Look inward. Look spiritual. Whether you believe in God or not,
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  there's purpose there to be
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  found as well. There is spirit and there's self-love and it's a journey.
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  I wish you all the best of luck because it's a really fun journey.
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  This is Diva Mia. I love you all. Signing off.
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  Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment.
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  We love hearing from you. Visit thedivadetails.com to connect.
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  See you next week for more. Thank We'll be right back.
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  Trust in the podcast are researched and accurate to the best of our knowledge
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  at the time of recording. Information may change over time.
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  No guarantees are made regarding the accuracy, completeness,
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  or reliability of any statements or opinions presented. It is a responsibility
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  of the listener to verify any and all facts that may influence their decision.
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  This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and should not
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  be considered professional advice.