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S4 E4 - The Test to Come Home · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Steven Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: And now, here's Stephen Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey, thanks, Johnny.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, it's really a shame that last week's show tape never made it past the sensors here in the detention compound.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, I that was that was a great show.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: I think maybe our best show ever.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: But I I guess nobody will hear it since it was destroyed by the guards, of course.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: We're still here, by the way.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: We're still here in our detention home, away from our honorable mention home.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: So I gotta say though, it's not bad at this resort.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, if you're gonna if you're gonna get deported, pretty good place, other than the censoring.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I when I say censoring, I don't mean that thing with the incense in church.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: You you're enjoying the state too, right, Jeff?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I am, although I do want to get home.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like we've been here forever.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, what do they say?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like one year in the United States is seven years in Mexico, isn't it?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't like a seven or or the opposite, maybe it's dogs or something.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah, yeah, or dogs in Mexico.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Dogs in Mexico.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Dogs in Mexico are it feels like seven years for everyone.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I'd still like to get home at some point here.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And and I oh yeah, I'm hoping.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: Now we've been treated wonderfully here at this Cosmell Hilton detention center, but I miss vodka with my mom.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: I miss eccentric Lady Land Studio.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I just want to get back.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm not used to being treated well at home, so well, this is kind of a new experience for me, but I do miss Kathy, and uh speaking of uh being treated well, I do miss Kathy, and the good news is I feel like there may be a chance for us to get home soon, maybe before the holidays or or maybe after the holidays or before the new year or after the new year or by Passover of next year.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know, but I'm hope I'm thinking there's a chance we can get home soon as as well as you know, as long as we can prove that that we deserve to be American.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: That is good news, you know.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I think one of the reasons, at least for me, one of the reasons that I failed the first test is that it's been so long since I took any tests, you know.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: I've been out of school for a really, really long time.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so I I got nervous, I got really nervous.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: But it's like I always say, Jeff, the best test preparation makes for the best testees.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, well, well, oh, but yeah, so so I think we need to prepare this time.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: So to prepare, I thought that I'd try taking a test just to kind of get used to it and get get some of the stress out of the way, you know.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Jeez, you know, it's creepy, but I I feel the same.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: We absolutely think the same way so much.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think I don't know if it's from doing the podcast for 70 years or whatever it is, you know.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Could be Kathy Kathy says that that we are so much we're connected so much, uh you know, that it's like we even have our periods together, but I I don't think that's true.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, that can't be true.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, gosh, the last time we had our periods together, I think was study hall junior year, wasn't it?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's true, and that was embarrassing.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it was, yeah.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Could have been worse if we were in gym.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely, yeah.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say in gym, I mean, you know, right.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Not Jordan, right?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: Different guy, right?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not Jim Jordan, but that's true.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I also agree with you about this uh anxiety, this test taking anxiety.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I haven't taken a test since high school.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: I know you said you took them in college, but I haven't taken them since high school, even though you know I I spent six years in school at Southern Illinois University, but they didn't required a lot of tests, you know.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think they called it trumping, where you don't take tests.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're check cleared.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, anyways, I also decided it was time to take a test and you know, just to kind of get used to it and get all that anxiety out because there's a lot writing on it, you know, otherwise we could end up being here for a long time.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that was weird though is when we were told we were gonna have to take the test again, and they were called it, was it the re-entry exam?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: Re-entry, yeah.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: The re-entry exam.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I thought it was rear entry, and you know, which is a completely different kind of test.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I was thinking more along those lines, you know.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: Uh you know, I I gotta tell you, I really backed into that test too, and and really for the same reason.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: They just need they need to change the name of that test.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: How did your rear entry test turn out?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: You know, if it's not too personal.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, not at all.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was fine, but things are different in Mexico.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was gonna go look up to find a proctologist.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sure enough, the hotel had one, and so I was able to set up an appointment with uh the hotel proctologist.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: That is just another benefit of being incarcerated at a five-star resort.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you, but I bet they don't have one at the Red Roof Inn detention center.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I scheduled an appointment.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I went to go see the doctor.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was actually in the lobby, which is kind of weird, you know, that people were walking by and stuff.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's public health, right?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, yeah.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: So it's a public, right?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, another reason why I want to go home, you know, where doctors' appointments are in offices or places where you go buy clothing and stuff, you know, you can or in your car or something.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or in your car, you know, stuff like that.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, anyways, this doctor says to me that he wants me to pull my pants down.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I did.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then he sits next to me and he starts putting those gloves on, which you know just really makes me nervous.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he's got you know his hands up in the air and he's putting the gloves on, and you know, I could just feel this stress building.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then he says to me, Okay, Brian, it's your first proctology exam.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Sit back, relax, and try not to get an erection.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, geez.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I look at him and I, you know, and I thought that was a strange thing to say.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Okay, doctor, but my name isn't Brian, it's Jeff.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the doctor says, Oh, I know you're Jeff.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: My name's Brian.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, well, you know, I I guess everyone has to start somewhere.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, many doctors do start in prison, as I'm sure your dad could confirm, right?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: But it sounds like everything came out okay.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think everything came out fine.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so what about you?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Did you where did you have your test done?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, you know, not to confirm Kathy on that whole periods thing, but I went to Dr.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: Brian too, that same hotel proctologist, yeah.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I must say I got off.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, things went off without a hitch.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: He had a wonderful bedside manner, which, you know, in his specialty, that's pretty important, I guess, right?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know, everything was fine until right at the end, uh, which in his specialty, I guess that's important too.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: After he finished, he was going to prescribe some pain pills.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, he reaches into his pocket, they always carry drugs with him, you know, with reaches into his pocket, has a surprise look.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: He pulls out not a pill bottle, pulls out a rectal thermometer.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: So he looks at it, just looks at it for a second, looks up at me, looks back at it, and then he says, Damn it, some asshole has my pen.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's pretty funny.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, and he he was funny with me too.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It made me a little uncomfortable, but he was he was funny.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, did you did you get the pills?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because I'm I'm still a little sore.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you could share a few of them with me.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's the thing.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, ever you ever try to write a prescription with a rectal thermometer?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, even the clean one.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that reminds me of a joke that Dr.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: Brian told me, and I I think a famous comedian came up with this first, but it is it's kind of a riddle.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the taste.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_03: But I digress.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: I I think we've prepared well for this test, and I think we're both ready to be testees.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Looks like we have seven questions to answer here, and just like before, you know, we can take the test together and we can do it right here with our audience, right here, live on the show.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: And hopefully this tape will get out.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_03: You ready for the first question?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Take it away.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, question one What does the J in our king's middle name stand for?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: That is a tough one.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm guessing that he would say it stands for Jesus.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: He might have been born, you know, with the middle name Jonathan, but that just doesn't sound tough.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's not a tough name.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: And he, you know, he likes to act tough.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's the name.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: Can you imagine?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like my name's Rocco, my name's Vito, my name's Jonathan.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's just not a tough sounding name, you know.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta say, naming yourself after the son of God is pretty high, pretty high up there.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: Although I'm sure his toadies would say that our king is the highest and the son of God is somewhere behind, especially if the son says things like, you know, love your neighbor, or some other woke thing like care for the needy or feed the hungry.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, with what he's doing to Mexicans in the U.S., he wouldn't want people to mistake it for Jesus, you know.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think you're spot on about that, and I think that he probably would hesitate on using that name because he would it would almost feel like the VP position, you know, which he is not.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And uh and and speaking of VPs, you know, uh, I remember Pence was asked once what the J stood for, and he said it stood for genius.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: That that didn't seem quite right, but uh Mike doesn't lie, you know, except when it comes to the election.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_03: But uh you know, funny thing, I was gonna say genius was his middle name, but uh you know, genius, of course, isn't spelled that way, except you know, that online bank place.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: But as we all know, the king has his own rules for spelling, and he's never wrong.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_03: Just ask him.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_03: See, that's the kind of comment that could land us in Mexico for the next 20 years.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so true.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like we dodged a bullet here.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to head on to the next question?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let's do number two.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still feeling a little bit of anxiety here.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's I know I'm taking the test, but just you know, what's on the table here?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: What the risk is of us having a misstep.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, but but I think we're okay.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Question number two.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: What is better as a midnight snack?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: KFC, chicken nuggets, elephant ears, or a cocktail of Adderall, Ambien, Tums, and Tylenol.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So that one's really tough.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, some of that stuff will kill you, you know, like that that Tylenol.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, gosh, yeah.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I I I would have to say that I would go for the cocktail, but I'd probably want to add like KFC.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: You know, well, you know, that's that's good thinking, and that's the kind of question that really could trip us up.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: I agree about the cocktail, but instead of KFC, you might want to add Chick-fil-A.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, it's less greasy and scores more points, if you know what I mean.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's God's chicken.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: So great.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: Question three.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: Name the top three presidents of all time.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, this one's pretty easy, right?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: The answer is who gives a fuck, right?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: Did any of them stop 53 wars and resume nuclear weapons testing at the same time?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think so.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're all suckers and losers, according to our king.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I was gonna say the same thing.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like asking which CD player is the best of all time.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, nobody gives a shit about CD players anymore because nobody uses them and nobody is gonna be president anymore.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I think that was pretty obvious.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Question four.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I see how this is going.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So that was an easy question.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And now they get tough.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the king alters first question's easy, second question's hard.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know, we have to be really careful about this.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, our king is very wise.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think he wants to purpose up a little bit, but I also heard that he wrote these questions in you know, while he was having a midnight snack.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: So but Adderall and Tylenol combo, you know, yeah, he's you know, he likes that cocktail, heavy on the tail.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, question number four.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Effective 2026, name three crimes that will result in the death penalty.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea about this.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hoping you've got an idea.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's a tough one for sure.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's almost as tough as explaining water to the Navy.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that that can be very confusing.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know, almost anything really could fall into that category from drugs to protesting to just being woke.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: Here's a safe answer, maybe.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: Safe answer might be anyone who doesn't back our king 100%, along with any Democrat anywhere.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: That's already DOJ policy, and of course, their policy holds firmly to any whim of our king.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's the trick of this question, because there really isn't anything new that's coming.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was gonna say, the death penalty for any sitting Supreme Court justice who sides with the Constitution, but we all know, first of all, that they never side with the Constitution anymore.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: Are there any?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: I I think they're all safe.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's really not a good answer.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the problem is almost anything our king doesn't like can result in the death penalty, like you said.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's it.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: How about anyone our king wants to kill for anything he accuses them of?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because of course we know that the leader of our country can do anything they like, and that Supreme Court we were just talking about, they they agreed.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: They said, yo, yeah, go ahead.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_03: That gives them a lot of flexibility, and that covers extrajudicial killings where people are like dead.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're really wise.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: That was really well done.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of those, you know, sometimes the simplest answers are the right ones, and you know, sometimes you just die for no reason.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, those are the two axioms that are are the most popular nowadays.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can blame it on drug smuggling or that's life and death.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's just one of those things where you're you're you're probably gonna die no matter what.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, just ask ask the senator from Iowa.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, hey, we're all gonna die.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: What difference does it make, right?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_03: Uh number five here.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: How much does it cost to submit this test to be considered for rear-entry?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I keep doing it.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: I can't, I did, I mean, re-entry.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, I keep going there.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm guessing a donation to demolishing the rest of the White House so they can build a gold leaf crypto trading pit.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's the plan for the rest of the White House.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all know that the White House remodel is going to be paid for just like the wall for Mexico, right?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: That money's already set up, and these billionaires are gonna come to the rescue.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, but you know, our king cares about the little guy too.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: And of course, when I say cares about, I mean he cares about their money.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_03: He knows that they would just blow their money on something silly like food or utilities, and their money is so much safer in his control.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_03: And so many of his supporters agree and send him money for anything from cheap plastic to worthless paper.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'd say just to be safe, we should contribute everything we have to Barron's education fund.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know how expensive education and degrees are nowadays.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's not like when our king was at Fordham when all you had to do was write a check.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all know that the cost of education has gone up a lot.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, the the check that was written by our king's father back in the old days wouldn't cover a semester.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if he wants to get somebody we're talking about big money, yeah.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think our king is you know is gonna be able to fund everything by just simply taking money away from everybody, yeah.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, doing that fairly.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, where are we up to?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're up to number six.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: All right, number six.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think we're halfway home, and I know that we only have seven questions.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, the seven questions yes.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I yeah, I didn't study real a lot of math, you know, when I was cleared, hey.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: But let's say we're halfway home to the United States, right?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: So not in question.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: So but anyway, so question six is who'll be the next first lady in our king's next term.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Next term, there is no next term, it's yeah, it's there's just permanently.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, which is a problem because you have first ladies that you gotta you gotta flush those out every few years.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, oh absolutely.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: They need changing every yeah three to five years, I think most professionals suggest.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I I don't know if we have an answer for this because by the time he is ready for the next term or for the indefinite term, that wife is still in junior high.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: Is she that old?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_03: If we have to answer, does Pam Bondy have a young daughter?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_03: I I you know, and it's too bad Caroline Levitt isn't 15 years younger.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: She'd be perfect.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: Well, she'd be perfect after that MAGA makeover, so you know think yeah the undead can recognize each other.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'll reach out to my first grade teacher, Miss Banner, uh, see if she can recommend any recent graduates.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_03: All right, number seven.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_03: Where will the new U.S.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: Capitol be in 2028?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: Who is it still gonna be in Washington, D.C.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: Will it be in Palm Beach, Florida?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: Will it be in Chicago, Illinois?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: Or will it be in that 51st state, Montreal, Canada?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I I think it's a it's a case of boredom if you if bear with me for a second.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: But King has already destroyed the White House, and he already before that he remodeled the Capitol on January 6th, right?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's done.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: There isn't anything else to do in Washington, DC, and you know, Congress doesn't even work, so they haven't been there in weeks.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Heck, no, so I don't think that he's gonna want to stay in Washington, D.C.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: and no, you know, Montreal, they you know, they speak French.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that that's a problem.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Palm Beach is possible, but he's not gonna take a bulldozer to Marilago, you know, he's not gonna do that.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, he likes that property, you know.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: He hated the White House, but I think the obvious choice is Chicago.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: So he's already taken over the city, so all he has to do is nationalize it officially, and then he'll have he can have Illinois as well.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_03: That's what we call Capital J genius.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Without a doubt.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And he already owns Chicago, it's just a matter of making it official.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's already been done.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: I we just, you know, we just haven't seen the the official report.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel good about Chicago.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think Chicago will be is a better place when it's lined with the military.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: You look so I don't know, military.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was in Dubai for a job in my younger years and it reminded me of Chicago.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Chicago reminded me of Dubai.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: So clean, so perfect, no crime.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it was lined, every street was lined with military.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: And but isn't that what we should be remodeling ourselves after?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is there you go an Arab nation?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, I think they know how to do it.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel good about this test.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I think we did okay.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_03: We've been the best testees we could have been.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm gonna start packing.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Please remind me to give Kathy a call to let her know I'm coming so she can, you know, make arrangements, you know, that may be moving some people out that better say the guys out, yeah.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: But but yeah, I better take care of that, yeah.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: So uh let me ask you, what is the first thing that you're gonna do when you get home?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, first thing when I get home, I'm gonna hug Teresa, I'm gonna hug my mom, I'm gonna punch Johnny, and then I'm gonna pour a pop off.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: How about you?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: What are you gonna do when you get back?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm gonna get everybody out of jail, you know, because that's they're in Chicago, so we're gonna get them out of jail first.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: And with a little luck, I'll be able to get them out before Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving for our king day.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was getting that second part, which is still a day for turkeys.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, still a day for turkeys, but then otherwise, I just want to stay home and lock the door and pull the blinds down and lay under the kitchen table and you know, just in a fetal position and just kind of relax.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm really looking forward to getting back.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's just about happy hour here at the resort.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: You want to head down there?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're talking.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let's go.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Cool, Johnny.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_03: Get ready to be punched when I get back, but get us out of this show for now, will you?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: All right, Steve.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: I guess.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a cruelty as the point production in association with supine press media.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, step and Jeff.com.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny speaking.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: I hope Steve doesn't punch me too hard.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: His mom likes my face just the way it is.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, just last night, she said my face was a sculptor's nightmare.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure that means it's so beautiful that a sculptor would never be able to capture the true loveliness.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Help me out here.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Good night.