Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Lessons - Winning Strategies for Negotiating with Narcissists | Rebecca Zung - Narcissist Negotiation Expert & Bestselling Author

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Lessons - Winning Strategies for Negotiating with Narcissists | Rebecca Zung - Narcissist Negotiation Expert & Bestselling Author · Success Story with Scott Clary

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  In this episode, we dive into mastering negotiations with difficult personalities,
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  especially those driven by manipulation. You'll learn a strategic four-step framework to stay
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  in control, leverage power, and avoid being exploited. Discover how to shift the balance in your
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  favor and achieve the best possible outcome even in the toughest situations.
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  What do you do when you're negotiating with a narcissist? How do you get the best possible outcome?
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  Just like from the ground up, starting from scratch, how do you approach that person?
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  Because I'm sure that negotiation, it's a lot more than just the actual conversation.
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  I'm sure there's steps to it too. Yeah, so slay is my methodology.
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  In slay stands for strategy, leverage, anticipating, and focusing on you, and you have to work through
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  all of those steps, or you're not going to get anywhere. And you know, I just literally was doing
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  a one-on-one with a client like a week ago, and she first started off with, well, I don't want
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  to be aggressive. And I thought, well, I mean, I literally said, right, too, or well, then
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  you're totally going to be taking advantage of. I mean, you know, because when you're dealing with
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  a narcissist, the very first thing is that, you know, they going back to what I said at the very
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  beginning of this, you have to understand the concept of narcissistic supply. It all goes back
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  to that concept of narcissistic supply. Everything revolves around understanding that they're in this
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  world of survival, this world of that. And so you have to, you can't listen to a regular class
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  on negotiation that you're dealing with two normal people, and everybody is going to, you know,
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  come out with some fair outcome. That's not who you're dealing with when you're dealing with
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  a narcissist. You're dealing with the person who literally is in this world of survival.
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  So you have to understand that, you know, that this person is going to need to feel like
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  that they're going to have to survive in order to have some sort of outcome with this thing.
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  And so you have to have a strategy around that. Number one, and number two,
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  you have to understand that you are dealing with a person who is in survival mode. So they are
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  going to be aggressive against you. I mean, you know, so you can't go, well, I don't want to be
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  aggressive because they are going to be aggressive. They're going to be. And so you have to have
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  an understanding about all of that. So, you know, you start off by going, okay, you know,
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  first of all, when you're dealing with a narcissist, you're either for them or against them.
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  And when they realize that you're no longer for them, that means you're against them.
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  You can't just go, okay, listen, this isn't working now. Let's just nicely come to a resolution.
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  Let's just, I try to do that myself, by the way, when I was dealing with one in a business
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  situation, I was like, we're going to go in different directions. And, you know, let's just come
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  to a nice conclusion here. And it doesn't, they don't, their mind does not work that way. You're
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  either for them or against them. And if you're against them, then you're public enemy number one.
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  And that means that they have to start lining up all their flying monkeys. And they've got to have
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  their army on their side. And it's got to be against you. And, you know, like, this is how they think.
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  And they've got to take you down before they're going to take, you're going to take them down.
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  And so all of that's going to start happening right away. And you're just, if you think,
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  oh, it's all going to be nicey-nice, you're just like naked over there. Because, and by the way,
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  if you, if you start off with giving all kinds of stuff early on and they're going to see how
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  nice you are, because you gave up all this stuff at the beginning, they don't care. They'll just
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  take all of that. And that just is in the wind. It's taken and gone. So don't give up a whole bunch
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  of stuff at the beginning. That's like just, don't assume you're going to win them over. Don't
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  assume that's going to gain you any favor. It's not, it's just, it's naive. So if you've identified
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  this person, you got to, you got to get your mind right. So you got to go into the situation. It will
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  be combative, I guess, the situation. It's like it isn't us versus them, you know, you versus them,
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  which is unfortunate, but it's not like the normal person. You imagine these words. Okay.
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  Okay. So you have your mindset proper. What's the next step in this negotiation?
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  So you create a strategy. And the first thing you have to do is have like a vision as to where
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  you want to go. And so many times people are like, all they're focusing on is the other person's
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  bad behavior. Look what they did. Look what they did. And they did that. And they did this. And they
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  did this. And they did that. And I want people to understand that that is just a defense defense,
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  defense defense defense defense. And I always say the best football teams, if all you have is a good
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  defense, no one's scoring any points. You have to have a good offense as well. So figure out
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  where it is that you want to go. What's your outcome? So okay, where's your vision? And then create
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  steps on how you're going to get there. That's your strategy. All right. So vision steps on how
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  you're going to get there. So that's your strategy. Next is leverage. What is your leverage?
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  Leverage is kind of two parts. First of all, what is the diamond source of supply that is
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  really, really matters to this narcissist? What is the thing that they, what matters most to them
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  as far as how they look? Okay, because for every narcissist, there's this thing that matters the
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  most to them as far as how they look. How they proceed like physical or just how they're
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  perceived. No, like, you know, is it their new source of supply? Is it their employees? Is it
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  their, you know, what world do they live in that they don't want to be exposed to? You know,
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  is it, you know, for example, I had a guy that I represented who was a CEO of a fortune 10
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  company and he had been married a long time. He had a pension for, you know, hiring a very
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  high end escorts. He ended up getting her piece. He ended up giving it to his, his wife. She didn't
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  even know that he had been ever cheating ever. And so she ended up going to the OBGYN because she had
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  didn't know why she was like developing sores and all the sudden here she has her piece. How did
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  I get her piece when I've never cheated on my husband? And so now all the sudden, you know, she's got
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  this major leverage against him because by the way, I can tell the world that, you know, look at what
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  you did. That's a huge source of leverage. Like she does not, he did not want the world to know
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  about that, right? So that's something that she could potentially, you know, have filed a
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  civil battery action against him. I mean, she could have filed something in the courts
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  of, you know, that said, hey, I want, you know, extra damages for pain and suffering. I want,
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  you know, these are things that he could have potentially been exposed about, right? And instead
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  of doing that, she said, hey, I could do this, but instead of doing this, I want you to just pay
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  me, you know, this amount of money and, you know, we'll do this quietly. And so that was a way
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  that she could kind of use her leverage against the diamond level supply. You understand what I
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  mean by that? I do. It's an uncomfortable thought because it's so aggressive, right? Like it's
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  uncomfortable to think about having to find that piece of leverage against somebody because for
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  most people, no one goes out of their way to try and hurt somebody like at that level, right? Like
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  that's like, that's an incredible exposure. So you're saying that this is what you mean when you
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  say mindset and you say, be prepared to be aggressive, you're not negotiating with normal people,
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  so you have to come to table with extra ammo. Well, I call it ethically manipulating the
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  manipulator. You have to look to see what is a source of supply that's going to be more important
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  for them to keep, protect or maintain that is going to be, you know, more important for them to
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  protect than the supply that they get from jerking you around. Because that coal level supply,
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  which is jerking you around, they're going to want to keep that too. And that's why those cases
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  never settle because they also enjoy jerking you around. And so part of the jerking you around
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  process is constantly moving the goalposts using the court system as a sword, not giving you
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  the documents, filing unnecessary pleadings, you know, so they, they drag you through the mud in
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  the court system because they get supply from doing that. And so as long as they can continuously
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  get supply from manipulating you in the court system, they will do that. And that's a source of
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  coal level supply for them. And so if you don't want those cases to last three, four and five years,
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  and you spend two, three, four, a hundred thousand dollars in, in attorneys fees, the only way
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  you're going to be able to put an end to that is to find a source of diamond level supply.
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  I love it. Yeah. Thanks for tuning in. If you found this valuable, don't forget to hit that
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  subscribe button so you never miss an episode. And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation,
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  check out the links in the description to watch the full episode. See you in the next one.