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Divorce Decisions: From Emotions to Finances · Create The Best Me

• 0:00
  Carmen Hecox: Well, hello there, fearless midlife trailblazers.
• 0:03
  Carmen Hecox: Welcome to Create The Best Me.
• 0:05
  Carmen Hecox: I'm Carmen Hecox, your host and personal development coach.
• 0:09
  Carmen Hecox: Today's guest is Heather Hetchler.
• 0:13
  Carmen Hecox: Heather has dedicated her life to helping others communicate better and find peace in challenging relationships.
• 0:22
  Carmen Hecox: In 2009, she founded Blended Innovations, an organization aimed at serving co-parents and blended families.
• 0:31
  Carmen Hecox: Recognizing the need to address broader relationships challenges, she's evolved her mission rebranding to reframing relationships.
• 0:41
  Carmen Hecox: The essence?
• 0:43
  Carmen Hecox: Teaching individuals how to view difficult relationships through a new lens, enabling them to reclaim their peace.
• 0:52
  Carmen Hecox: Heather's expertise does not stop there.
• 0:56
  Carmen Hecox: She's an accomplished author having co-authored books like Quiet, the Moment for the Stepmom's Soul, and Unwrapping the Gift of Stepfamily Peace.
• 1:07
  Carmen Hecox: Her insights are also sought after that she's a regular contributor to Stepmom Magazine.
• 1:13
  Carmen Hecox: And in a move that showcases her commitment to supporting women in 2017, she's collaborated with Burning River Advisory Group and Enlighten Her, focusing on assisting women undergoing divorce.
• 1:29
  Carmen Hecox: Today we're diving Deep into a topic that many shy away from, but it's crucial for countless women out there: Divorce Resource for Women.
• 1:39
  Carmen Hecox: With Heather's vast experience and compassionate approach, I'm confident we'll uncover valuable insights and resources.
• 1:48
  Carmen Hecox: So let's get started.
• 1:49
  Carmen Hecox: Heather Hetchler, welcome to Create The Best Me.
• 1:53
  Carmen Hecox: I am thrilled to have you on the show.
• 1:56
  Heather Hetchler: Carmen, I am so excited and honored to be here today and to talk about the topic that we're going to dive into.
• 2:01
  Carmen Hecox: So before we go into today's topic, divorce resources.
• 2:06
  Carmen Hecox: I just want to set the stage here and say that although we do not promote divorce or encourage divorce by any means.
• 2:14
  Carmen Hecox: We do know that divorce is a very complex thing to go through.
• 2:19
  Carmen Hecox: Understanding divorce is very important.
• 2:23
  Carmen Hecox: And my silver lining is that I've been happily married now for 12 years, even though I've been through divorce.
• 2:30
  Carmen Hecox: I know what it's like.
• 2:31
  Carmen Hecox: And my happy lining is that I've been married for 12 years to an amazing husband and life is good.
• 2:39
  Carmen Hecox: So I understand that sometimes divorce is the only option.
• 2:43
  Carmen Hecox: So, Heather, can you briefly tell the audience a little bit about yourself and what you do?
• 2:50
  Heather Hetchler: Thanks Carmen.
• 2:51
  Heather Hetchler: So I always think that, our bios are, long and kind of boring and they have all of our accomplishments, but if I had to describe myself in one word, it would be overcomer.
• 3:02
  Heather Hetchler: I've had a lot of challenges and struggles in my life and I have overcome them and I have a calling to help and walk alongside other women.
• 3:09
  Heather Hetchler: And just like you mentioned, you know, today we're going to be talking about divorce.
• 3:12
  Heather Hetchler: And you may be on this listening and thinking, well, that doesn't pertain to me.
• 3:16
  Heather Hetchler: And I hope it never does, but chances are, it may pertain to one of your friends, to your neighbors, to maybe even your daughter or a cousin, someone that you know, because divorce permeates our culture.
• 3:28
  Heather Hetchler: And I went through a divorce, back in 2004.
• 3:31
  Heather Hetchler: I had married my college sweetheart.
• 3:33
  Heather Hetchler: We had four kids in five years.
• 3:35
  Heather Hetchler: And then he decided that he didn't want to be married anymore.
• 3:38
  Heather Hetchler: And I remember making The commitment that I would always respect him and care about him because he was the father of my children.
• 3:45
  Heather Hetchler: He gave me the greatest gift in my life.
• 3:47
  Heather Hetchler: And I wanted to make sure that I went through the divorce with a sound mind.
• 3:51
  Heather Hetchler: And made decisions that were in the best interest of myself and my children, not In my ego.
• 3:58
  Heather Hetchler: And back then there weren't many resources.
• 4:01
  Heather Hetchler: Today there are.
• 4:02
  Heather Hetchler: And that's why I'm so excited to partner with an organization called Enlighten Her to create the roadmap, the financial, the emotional, and the legal roadmap that women need if divorce is put upon them, like it was for me, or if a woman has exhausted all of her resources counseling everything and divorce is the final option.
• 4:23
  Heather Hetchler: We want to equip her with the knowledge that she needs to know because when you're going through a divorce, it's emotional.
• 4:30
  Heather Hetchler: You don't know the questions to ask until it's too late to ask them.
• 4:34
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah, and Heather, what is the current divorce rate here in the U.
• 4:39
  Carmen Hecox: S.?
• 4:40
  Heather Hetchler: Carmen, depending on what statistical organization you listen to, it varies a little bit, but it's about 40 percent of first marriages will end in divorce.
• 4:49
  Heather Hetchler: About 80 percent of people who divorce will remarry and then the divorce rate gets more staggering.
• 4:55
  Heather Hetchler: So for second marriages, it's about sixty-seven percent and for third marriages, it's seventy-three percent.
• 5:02
  Heather Hetchler: And there's a new, kind of dynamic happening, which we call the gray divorce.
• 5:06
  Heather Hetchler: So these are couples that have been married, quite a long time and after the age of 50, which is typically after the kids are out of the house they initiate a divorce.
• 5:14
  Heather Hetchler: And last year, thirty-seven percent of all divorces in America were a gray divorce.
• 5:21
  Heather Hetchler: And women who divorce after 50 are at a greater risk of financial issues because they're divorcing later in life.
• 5:29
  Heather Hetchler: And so we want to empower those women, especially to understand what is your current financial situation and what do you need to do?
• 5:36
  Heather Hetchler: What decisions do you need to make to ensure that you're going to be taking care of for your future?
• 5:41
  Carmen Hecox: What's the average cost of divorce and how long is the process?
• 5:46
  Heather Hetchler: So once again, that kind of depends on the type of divorce that you choose or that you and your spouse choose.
• 5:52
  Heather Hetchler: So a mediated divorce, which doesn't involve attorneys is the cheapest way to go.
• 5:58
  Heather Hetchler: And usually a mediator will charge between a hundred dollars and 300 an hour, which is.
• 6:04
  Heather Hetchler: It's still expensive, but if a couple can get together and make decisions and then have it mediated.
• 6:09
  Heather Hetchler: Or take whatever they decide and take it to an attorney, that is usually the cheapest.
• 6:14
  Heather Hetchler: And when you can sit across the table and make those decisions, that means it's the least emotional.
• 6:21
  Heather Hetchler: And anytime you can keep emotions out of the decision making, you're going to save some money.
• 6:26
  Heather Hetchler: Attorney fees, you know, a lot of this varies by state.
• 6:29
  Heather Hetchler: California is actually the most expensive state to get divorced in.
• 6:33
  Heather Hetchler: But a divorce attorney is typically charged on average, three hundred to five hundred dollars per hour.
• 6:39
  Heather Hetchler: And what we've seen is, the attorney is usually the first person that the woman reaches out to.
• 6:45
  Heather Hetchler: And sometimes you can use your attorney as your therapist.
• 6:48
  Heather Hetchler: But your attorney's not your therapist, and if you use them as such, they are the most expensive therapist that you'll ever, ever work with when they charge that much.
• 6:56
  Heather Hetchler: So on average, if you use an attorney, the average divorce can cost about thirteen thousand eight hundred dollars in America.
• 7:04
  Heather Hetchler: Versus about two to four thousand dollars if you do a mediated divorce.
• 7:09
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah, and that's just assuming, when you come up with that thirteen thousand dollars, that's assuming that the parties are in agreement.
• 7:16
  Heather Hetchler: Yes.
• 7:17
  Carmen Hecox: Because if people start bickering and getting angry at each other, the cost, a lot of people don't understand that every time you contact your attorney, either by email or by a phone call, or even if you don't even talk to the attorney, but you talk to the secretary, leave a message, you're incurring an expense.
• 7:33
  Heather Hetchler: Absolutely, you might think it's, a quick text or a call, but they're billing every single moment they spend talking to you and your case.
• 7:41
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah, some people might say, okay, you know what, yeah, I'm going to get a divorce and this is going to be over within six months.
• 7:49
  Carmen Hecox: What's the average time to get a divorce?
• 7:52
  Heather Hetchler: Well, Carmen, that also varies by state, but I'm in the state of Ohio and here it typically can range from 45 days to, uh, two years.
• 8:02
  Heather Hetchler: So quickly is if you file for the divorce, which that costs about four hundred thirty five dollars on average across the states to file just to file for your divorce.
• 8:10
  Heather Hetchler: And then if it's amicable, if it's mediated, it can be quicker.
• 8:14
  Heather Hetchler: If it gets drawn out, if there's a lot of court involved, it can be two years, but it can be beyond that.
• 8:18
  Heather Hetchler: That's the average time 45 days to two years.
• 8:21
  Heather Hetchler: And the longer it takes and the more expensive it is, it's indicative too of the emotional cost that it has not only on the woman and her spouse, but also if there are any children involved.
• 8:32
  Heather Hetchler: And that can be young children or adult children.
• 8:35
  Heather Hetchler: Because divorce impacts the whole family.
• 8:38
  Heather Hetchler: And it's not just your family, but even your friends, your in laws, your parents, anybody who is touched by your family is going to be impacted by the divorce.
• 8:48
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah, so when does a woman know that she's exhausted all avenues.
• 8:53
  Carmen Hecox: I'm not going to save this marriage.
• 8:55
  Carmen Hecox: And, she needs to get in that mindset that I got to get a divorce.
• 8:59
  Carmen Hecox: You know, this is the next step.
• 9:01
  Heather Hetchler: Well, I think it's important to note that there's usually two ways a woman comes to work with us or comes to about divorce.
• 9:07
  Heather Hetchler: One is if her husband puts it upon her, right?
• 9:11
  Heather Hetchler: Maybe it's a complete shock for her or maybe the marriage hasn't been that great.
• 9:15
  Heather Hetchler: They're in a difficult season but she's just made peace that she's gonna live like this.
• 9:19
  Heather Hetchler: And she's just accepted maybe they're more like roommates.
• 9:21
  Heather Hetchler: Or this is just how it's going to be.
• 9:24
  Heather Hetchler: The other time is when a woman is struggling.
• 9:26
  Heather Hetchler: She's trying to save her marriage, right?
• 9:28
  Heather Hetchler: She's grieving the loss of what she thought her marriage would be.
• 9:32
  Heather Hetchler: And so maybe she's tried counseling.
• 9:34
  Heather Hetchler: Maybe her husband's gone with her or maybe he refuses to go.
• 9:37
  Heather Hetchler: Maybe she's exhausted all things.
• 9:39
  Heather Hetchler: She set up boundaries.
• 9:40
  Heather Hetchler: He refuses to listen and she's at the point where I have tried everything I can do.
• 9:45
  Heather Hetchler: I'm being honest with myself.
• 9:47
  Heather Hetchler: And, I believe that the only thing I have left to do is to file for divorce.
• 9:51
  Heather Hetchler: And, I think that that's going to be individual for each woman, and, she's going to know when she gets to that point.
• 9:58
  Heather Hetchler: But I also want to iterate too that if you're a woman listening to this and you're in an abusive relationship.
• 10:03
  Heather Hetchler: Whether it's emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse.
• 10:07
  Heather Hetchler: I want to encourage you to get to a place of safety.
• 10:11
  Heather Hetchler: And sometimes a separation and if your spouse chooses to get help your marriage can be restored.
• 10:16
  Heather Hetchler: But if you don't feel safe, you need to get to a place where you feel safe and to take that space to get right with yourself and for your spouse to do the work to get healthy as well.
• 10:27
  Carmen Hecox: I think that's very important, having that sort of time out per se,
• 10:31
  Heather Hetchler: Yep.
• 10:32
  Carmen Hecox: Because I think that, it'll get you in that, right mindset of thinking clearly.
• 10:37
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah.
• 10:38
  Carmen Hecox: So, what steps does she need to take to become mentally ready to move forward with the divorce?
• 10:45
  Heather Hetchler: Well I think if a woman chooses that this is the next step for her.
• 10:50
  Heather Hetchler: Then she needs to understand that divorce is the biggest financial transaction that she will probably go through.
• 10:58
  Heather Hetchler: She's going to be at the same point, too, as if this is being thrust upon her.
• 11:01
  Heather Hetchler: So if you're listening and your husband, told you he wants a divorce or you're the one initiating it.
• 11:06
  Heather Hetchler: You need to make the same choices.
• 11:08
  Heather Hetchler: But one thing I want to make clear, you're going to experience the divorce, at least in the beginning, differently depending on how it's initiated.
• 11:15
  Heather Hetchler: So if you're a woman and your husband tells you, I want a divorce, I want out, it's going to come like a shock wave.
• 11:22
  Heather Hetchler: You're going to feel like even if the marriage hasn't been good, like you just got run over by a Mack truck and you are going to be filled with emotion and you are going to wonder why he doesn't seem so emotional, why he seems So, calm to ask you for the end of your marriage.
• 11:35
  Heather Hetchler: Now, if you are the woman initiating divorce, you'll understand how he feels because you've been grieving the loss of your marriage for a long time before you got to the point of asking for the divorce.
• 11:47
  Heather Hetchler: So you have to understand that's the two different sides.
• 11:49
  Heather Hetchler: If the divorce is put upon you, you're going to feel super emotions and you're going to wonder why your spouse seems so calm.
• 11:55
  Heather Hetchler: On the flip side, if you're initiating the divorce, you're probably going to have a more calm and peace because you've gone and you've worked through it in your mind.
• 12:03
  Heather Hetchler: And this is your last resort, so to speak.
• 12:05
  Heather Hetchler: And you're going to wonder maybe why your husband gets so emotional and why he may be trying to get you to change your mind.
• 12:11
  Heather Hetchler: And so understanding that if you're the one who has a divorce put upon you, don't try and compare your experience to your spouse because you're going to be in two different places.
• 12:21
  Heather Hetchler: If you're initiating the divorce, expect your husband to be emotional.
• 12:25
  Heather Hetchler: Expect him to try and get you to change your mind because he's just finding out about this.
• 12:30
  Heather Hetchler: And so having support, one of the things that we offer too is this amazing free, it's a 12 step guide if you're thinking about divorce or you've had the divorce put on you.
• 12:40
  Heather Hetchler: And it outlines the different decisions that you need to make emotionally and financially to prepare yourself in the beginning stages of divorce.
• 12:48
  Heather Hetchler: But what this leads to also is making sure that you have a strong and safe support system.
• 12:56
  Heather Hetchler: And one of the things that I tell clients and I want to make clear to women is that DNA does not necessarily mean safe support.
• 13:05
  Heather Hetchler: Sometimes our mom is not the best person to go to about this.
• 13:09
  Heather Hetchler: Sometimes our sister.
• 13:11
  Heather Hetchler: Sometimes it's a friend who's been through divorce.
• 13:14
  Heather Hetchler: Sometimes it's a coach or a counselor that we go and talk to because we need to hear solid advice and support not emotional piling on, right?
• 13:25
  Heather Hetchler: And if for some reason maybe your marriage will be restored.
• 13:29
  Heather Hetchler: If you're sharing with somebody and they know everything, they may never let you restore your marriage because they know what's happened right in the marriage, or they may encourage revenge.
• 13:39
  Heather Hetchler: They may encourage you.
• 13:40
  Heather Hetchler: to take him for all he's worth And what we want to talk about, what we share with women is, we want a fair and equitable divorce And when you're focused on revenge, when you're focused on making him pay, you're not going to be making wise decisions.
• 13:54
  Heather Hetchler: You need to be in a calm mental state of mind when you're making financial and legal decisions that aren't just going to affect your today, but your tomorrow and all of your tomorrows.
• 14:06
  Heather Hetchler: So you need to make sure that you're making calm, emotional, like less decisions and having that support system that will encourage that is really, really important.
• 14:15
  Carmen Hecox: Yeah, I think that's really interesting that you say that because I remember when I was in my first marriage and I put myself in that mental thought that I'm ready to get on with the divorce because it was an unhealthy environment for me.
• 14:28
  Carmen Hecox: And my father looked at me and he says, you're not getting a divorce because I said so.
• 14:33
  Carmen Hecox: And even though, he saw the unhealthy place that I was in, I think that he just didn't want to face reality that his daughter needed to get a divorce.
• 14:43
  Carmen Hecox: And so I think that's very important that you brought that up.
• 14:46
  Heather Hetchler: Well, I appreciate you sharing that story because unfortunately what happens sometimes too is families will take on that so they don't want their daughter to be divorced because they don't want to have to tell their friends that marriage is ending.
• 14:58
  Heather Hetchler: And so you have to be selfish during this time.
• 15:01
  Heather Hetchler: You have to think about what is in the best interest of yourself and for your children, if you have them.
• 15:07
  Heather Hetchler: And so even when you're going through the divorce.
• 15:09
  Heather Hetchler: If you, and we talk about this in the, Enlightened Divorce Course; if you're, let's say, maybe your spouse cheated on you and your friends see him out with people and they start calling or texting you and telling you, oh, we saw him with so and so.
• 15:22
  Heather Hetchler: That is not going to serve you.
• 15:24
  Heather Hetchler: That is only going to make you feel, less than.
• 15:27
  Heather Hetchler: It's going to hurt.
• 15:28
  Heather Hetchler: And so setting a boundary to say, hey, I know that you're telling me these things because you care about me, but there's nothing I can do about it.
• 15:34
  Heather Hetchler: And so moving forward, I don't want to know when you see him out with another woman.
• 15:39
  Heather Hetchler: You have to know what helps you.
• 15:41
  Heather Hetchler: And that type of information typically does not help you make sound decisions when you're going through a divorce, if infidelity is involved.
• 15:49
  Carmen Hecox: What about, let's say me, 20 some years, almost 30 years ago going through the divorce.
• 15:54
  Carmen Hecox: If I went to you, I think that something that's real important to ask is who do I want to become at the end of the divorce?
• 16:00
  Carmen Hecox: Who do I want to be?
• 16:01
  Heather Hetchler: Carmen, that's one of the questions actually that we have in the Enlightened Divorce course and that is something that's so, important because you are going to evolve through your divorce.
• 16:10
  Heather Hetchler: It's inevitable.
• 16:11
  Heather Hetchler: You are becoming a different person and you get to choose who that person is.
• 16:16
  Heather Hetchler: And so, during your divorce, it is so, important to decide who do you want to be.
• 16:22
  Heather Hetchler: What characteristics are important to you.
• 16:24
  Heather Hetchler: And to keep that front and center.
• 16:26
  Heather Hetchler: And so one of the exercises that we walk a woman through is, do you have a heroine?
• 16:30
  Heather Hetchler: Maybe it's in a book or a movie.
• 16:32
  Heather Hetchler: Is there a woman that you aspire to be like?
• 16:34
  Heather Hetchler: And if you don't have that, that picture of a role model.
• 16:37
  Heather Hetchler: What are the characteristics that you would like to strengthen in yourself?
• 16:41
  Heather Hetchler: And then when you're making a decision, whether it's financial or legal or emotional, think about what would that person do?
• 16:48
  Heather Hetchler: What would that character, what would a woman with the characteristics that you want to strengthen, what would she decide?
• 16:55
  Heather Hetchler: And that helps you take your emotion out of the decision making and make a more sound and rational decision because you're making it for your future self.
• 17:04
  Heather Hetchler: You're making decisions based on, the integrity, the compassion, the discernment, the wisdom that you want to have as you evolve into the next phase and next season of your life.
• 17:16
  Carmen Hecox: And I think another thing that's real important is, finances.
• 17:19
  Carmen Hecox: What is she entitled to?
• 17:20
  Carmen Hecox: What is the woman entitled to?
• 17:22
  Carmen Hecox: What does she need from, this point forward?
• 17:26
  Heather Hetchler: Yeah.
• 17:26
  Heather Hetchler: One of the things that we talk a lot and it's in our 12 step guide too, is a good financial settlement requires managing your emotions just as much as managing your money.
• 17:34
  Heather Hetchler: And so that's why you want to make sure that you're in a good emotional state when you're making decisions about your finances and the legal decisions.
• 17:42
  Heather Hetchler: And I always like to tell clients to don't let pride decide.
• 17:48
  Heather Hetchler: Do what you need to do for yourself and for your children, if you have them.
• 17:52
  Heather Hetchler: And when I say, don't let pride decide, maybe you advocated and you built this amazing dream house and you fought for it and you loved it and you want it.
• 18:02
  Heather Hetchler: But it's not the best financial decision to hold on to it.
• 18:05
  Heather Hetchler: That's why you need to have a financial advisor or somebody who can be speaking truth into you when you're making these decisions, because he may be willing to give you the house.
• 18:15
  Heather Hetchler: Because his attorney is telling him, you don't want the house from a financial standpoint, you don't want the taxes, you don't want this.
• 18:22
  Heather Hetchler: And so having that support, like a good attorney, and we teach you the questions to ask to find the good attorney.
• 18:28
  Heather Hetchler: A solid financial advisor, and a support system that you can talk about those questions with, so you can make the right decisions.
• 18:35
  Heather Hetchler: Also, you may want to hang on to a certain heirloom, or you may want something, you kind of need to decide, what are my non negotiables?
• 18:44
  Heather Hetchler: And those have to be few.
• 18:46
  Heather Hetchler: Because if he knows that you're going to hold on and you'll give anything for grandma's hutch, he's going to take everything so that you can keep grandma's hutch.
• 18:57
  Heather Hetchler: And this is one of the hardest truths, but I think something that every woman has to understand is that when you go through a divorce, your husband is no longer your ally And I'm not saying that he's out to get you or he's going to turn the tables But he's sitting on the other side of the table now.
• 19:14
  Heather Hetchler: He has his own attorney or mediator.
• 19:17
  Heather Hetchler: He has his own person giving him financial advice.
• 19:20
  Heather Hetchler: He may have other people in his life whispering in his ear.
• 19:24
  Heather Hetchler: And so, you can't count on him making the right decisions for you and your future.
• 19:30
  Heather Hetchler: You have to advocate.
• 19:32
  Heather Hetchler: And so in one of the things that we talk about in the 12 step guide and we outline in the course too, is getting right with your finances and knowing where you are.
• 19:42
  Heather Hetchler: And Carmen, for so many women, and I include myself, I was raised in a home where I wanted to learn more about money.
• 19:48
  Heather Hetchler: I wanted to go to college and both my mom and dad would say, just get married and your husband will take care of it.
• 19:53
  Heather Hetchler: He'll take care of it.
• 19:54
  Heather Hetchler: He'll take care of it.
• 19:55
  Heather Hetchler: Well, so many women find themselves in a position.
• 19:58
  Heather Hetchler: They don't know how much money's in the bank.
• 20:00
  Heather Hetchler: They don't know anything about their investments.
• 20:03
  Heather Hetchler: And so we provide a checklist of everything that you should know.
• 20:06
  Heather Hetchler: You need to make copies of all your financial statements.
• 20:10
  Heather Hetchler: You need to know where all of your money is and isn't so that you can make sound financial decisions for today and tomorrow.
• 20:20
  Carmen Hecox: So, what kind of advice would you give, let's say, we have women listening on the show right now that, maybe say, but divorce is not in my future.
• 20:28
  Carmen Hecox: I'm in a good place, but they were taught, he will take care of you.
• 20:33
  Carmen Hecox: What do women need to do today so that they are fully aware of everything that is really happening in the home?
• 20:41
  Carmen Hecox: Finances and so forth.
• 20:43
  Carmen Hecox: His retirement, my retirement, all that.
• 20:46
  Heather Hetchler: Well, I think that's a great question.
• 20:47
  Heather Hetchler: And that's something that we also work on is helping women with their money mindset.
• 20:51
  Heather Hetchler: And our money mindset was decided in our childhood.
• 20:55
  Heather Hetchler: So you may be able to trust your husband a hundred percent and that's great.
• 20:59
  Heather Hetchler: But you still need to know the financial atmosphere of your household.
• 21:04
  Heather Hetchler: And so I advise women to sit down and talk to their husband and say, you know what, I've appreciated you paying all our bills.
• 21:09
  Heather Hetchler: I've appreciated you investing for us.
• 21:12
  Heather Hetchler: I want to partner with you.
• 21:14
  Heather Hetchler: Would you mind, could we set aside an hour, maybe once a week for the next month or two?
• 21:18
  Heather Hetchler: And I want to sit and pay the bills with you.
• 21:19
  Heather Hetchler: I want to sit and understand where is our money.
• 21:22
  Heather Hetchler: Where are we invested in?
• 21:24
  Heather Hetchler: And sure, and some husbands might be like, where is this coming from?
• 21:27
  Heather Hetchler: like, cause this is going to be news.
• 21:28
  Heather Hetchler: And so, you know what, this is me acknowledging that I have put all of this on you for all this time.
• 21:34
  Heather Hetchler: And I just want to be more invested in this part of our marriage.
• 21:37
  Heather Hetchler: And I just simply want to know it's, it's not because I'm doing anything with it or, but I realized that I have always, put that on you and I'm grateful for it, but I want to be more of a partner.
• 21:49
  Heather Hetchler: And most times when women do that, their husband is so relieved because they have felt like they have been carrying that financial burden in the marriage for all time.
• 21:57
  Heather Hetchler: And so partnering with your spouse, but it's also important to You know, one of the things we don't want to talk about, and especially as we get, into our forties, fifties and sixties, is if our spouse passes away unexpectedly.
• 22:09
  Heather Hetchler: And I have talked to so many widows who not only are they grappling with the death of their husband, They don't know where any of their finances are.
• 22:17
  Heather Hetchler: They don't know where any of the paperwork is.
• 22:19
  Heather Hetchler: They don't know.
• 22:21
  Heather Hetchler: And sometimes when they find out, they realize that they have less money than they thought that their husband let on.
• 22:28
  Heather Hetchler: And sometimes, in some situations, Carmen, they find out that they have much, much more money.
• 22:33
  Heather Hetchler: And they've been kind of living way below their means.
• 22:36
  Heather Hetchler: And so then I see women really struggling And angry with their spouse who's now deceased.
• 22:41
  Heather Hetchler: And so it just complicates.
• 22:43
  Heather Hetchler: So I know that we're kind of getting a little bit off topic, but what's important is that women need to know their financial situation and they need, even if it's uncomfortable.
• 22:52
  Heather Hetchler: I'll be honest, I could write and speak, all day long and just be revived.
• 22:56
  Heather Hetchler: Give me a spreadsheet.
• 22:57
  Heather Hetchler: And I'm like, ha ha ha ha.
• 23:00
  Heather Hetchler: But you need to know what you need to know.
• 23:02
  Heather Hetchler: And you have to get past that fear of not maybe wanting to know and work on understanding your financial landscape.
• 23:07
  Heather Hetchler: It's really important.
• 23:09
  Heather Hetchler: And then if you have daughters, you really want to model that for your daughters as well.
• 23:13
  Carmen Hecox: So, how do you help women accept, process, and navigate through divorce?
• 23:19
  Heather Hetchler: Well, one of the things that we work through in the course is, talking to it in the very beginning.
• 23:25
  Heather Hetchler: We can only control ourselves.
• 23:28
  Heather Hetchler: Right.
• 23:28
  Heather Hetchler: We can't control anybody else.
• 23:29
  Heather Hetchler: So if the divorce is put upon you, you can't control what your spouse wants.
• 23:33
  Heather Hetchler: You can only control your response and that's processing what's going on and getting in a good mental state of mind so you can make good financial and legal decisions.
• 23:43
  Heather Hetchler: And if you're the one deciding it, enabling and helping you to process and basically kind of putting blinders on in terms of like, whatever's happening, whatever he's doing, you need to be focused on what you can control.
• 23:55
  Heather Hetchler: And that's creating a safe support system, that's having a solid financial advisor that you can run your questions past and make sure that you're making decisions that are solid for today and tomorrow.
• 24:08
  Heather Hetchler: And then giving you the questions so that you can interview multiple attorneys and find the attorney who is the right fit for you and, or deciding if it's mediation.
• 24:19
  Heather Hetchler: Because we really recommend that if you are in an amicable state with your spouse and divorce is the path you're going on, if you can mediate and keep the attorneys out of it, it will save your sanity and it will save your pocketbook.
• 24:31
  Carmen Hecox: And so, if someone decides that mediation is where they want to go and you have two parties that have never been involved in divorce.
• 24:39
  Carmen Hecox: Or, just kind of don't know what am I planning here?
• 24:43
  Carmen Hecox: How do I know how to plan for a divorce?
• 24:45
  Carmen Hecox: Do you guys have like some kind of guide, as to what she should be asking?
• 24:50
  Carmen Hecox: What he should be asking, because she's going to him and she's saying, hey, we're going to go through a divorce, we're going to do mediation to save money.
• 24:56
  Carmen Hecox: But how do they know the roadmap?
• 24:58
  Carmen Hecox: Cause there's so much that we as regular lay people don't know.
• 25:02
  Heather Hetchler: Well, we do have that, Carmen, and that's the thing.
• 25:04
  Heather Hetchler: You don't know the questions to ask until after you should have asked them.
• 25:09
  Heather Hetchler: And because divorce is new, right?
• 25:11
  Heather Hetchler: And so you don't know all the ins and outs.
• 25:13
  Heather Hetchler: And so we actually have, and we'll provide the link here and in the show notes, but we have a free 12 step guide that we want to put in the hands of any woman thinking about divorce or in the beginning stages of divorce.
• 25:25
  Heather Hetchler: Or if you're watching this and you know somebody, we want you to get this and share this with them.
• 25:29
  Heather Hetchler: But it's the 12 steps that a woman needs to take to ensure her emotional and financial well-being through divorce.
• 25:37
  Heather Hetchler: And then we also have an enlightened divorce course, two courses actually.
• 25:41
  Heather Hetchler: One is for the woman thinking about or in the beginning stages of divorce.
• 25:44
  Heather Hetchler: And then the second one is if you are in the midst of divorce, because there are different decisions that you have to make in the beginning stages, in the middle stages, and then post divorce.
• 25:54
  Heather Hetchler: And so it gives you the questions to ask.
• 25:56
  Heather Hetchler: It gives you the checklist to make sure that you're doing all the things that you should be doing.
• 26:00
  Heather Hetchler: It gives you the conversation questions to have with your spouse.
• 26:04
  Heather Hetchler: And it's all put together and created for amicable results, right?
• 26:08
  Heather Hetchler: We are not about, taking your spouse to the cleaner.
• 26:11
  Heather Hetchler: This is about sitting down with your spouse and creating the most amicable and fair and equitable divorce and splitting of the marriage that you can do.
• 26:22
  Heather Hetchler: Because the more amicable you can be the more emotionally stable too.
• 26:26
  Heather Hetchler: And when you are done with the marriage, especially if you have children you want to be able to have a functioning relationship with your ex because the marriage is ending but parenting never will.
• 26:39
  Heather Hetchler: You will always be co-parenting.
• 26:41
  Heather Hetchler: And so, the more you can get along, the more you can make equitable decisions together, financially and legally, the better that will impact your co-parenting relationship.
• 26:51
  Carmen Hecox: Can you give us an example of somebody who came in because they were going through a bitter divorce and then came out with a happy ending going through your program or through your company.
• 27:02
  Heather Hetchler: Yes, I can think of a few women.
• 27:04
  Heather Hetchler: I'll change her name, in the details, but I'm thinking about Teresa.
• 27:07
  Heather Hetchler: And Teresa, I think, had three young kids.
• 27:10
  Heather Hetchler: Her husband, wasn't being faithful.
• 27:13
  Heather Hetchler: She had had a big career and she had decided to put that career on hold to raise the kids.
• 27:18
  Heather Hetchler: So when she found out about the infidelity, when he wanted the divorce, she had so many emotions, right?
• 27:23
  Heather Hetchler: She was hurt.
• 27:24
  Heather Hetchler: She was angry.
• 27:25
  Heather Hetchler: She felt like she'd given up everything to kind of manage the house so that he could be and pursue what he wanted.
• 27:31
  Heather Hetchler: And now another woman was going to be living her dream.
• 27:34
  Heather Hetchler: And she was angry.
• 27:35
  Heather Hetchler: And honestly, when I was talking with her, she wanted to know like how she could get it all.
• 27:40
  Heather Hetchler: And then I asked her, what does all look like?
• 27:44
  Heather Hetchler: And she started crying.
• 27:46
  Heather Hetchler: And all she could talk about was her kids.
• 27:48
  Heather Hetchler: And I said, I can hear in your tears and I can see in your face that you love this man.
• 27:54
  Heather Hetchler: That you are hurt and you are brokenhearted and you want the best for your children.
• 27:59
  Heather Hetchler: And you know that your marriage is over and you really want to save it, but there's nothing that you can do.
• 28:03
  Heather Hetchler: And so we're going to help you make the right decisions.
• 28:07
  Heather Hetchler: And let me tell you that if you make the decisions out of bitterness and anger, It's going to negatively affect you and your kids in the long run.
• 28:13
  Heather Hetchler: So first let's work on the emotional stuff.
• 28:16
  Heather Hetchler: First let's kind of work through where you are, kind of that radical acceptance of what's going on.
• 28:22
  Heather Hetchler: And now let's make some decisions so that you can, make fair and equitable decisions that are going to impact you and the kids and allow you to co-parent with him.
• 28:31
  Heather Hetchler: Because oftentimes and what happened was to this worked.
• 28:35
  Heather Hetchler: And she had to do some grieving obviously she had to grieve the loss of the dream.
• 28:39
  Heather Hetchler: She envisioned growing old with him.
• 28:41
  Heather Hetchler: She envisioned going on vacations, holding grandkids.
• 28:43
  Heather Hetchler: And that's part of the divorce is that you have to grieve the death of a dream.
• 28:48
  Heather Hetchler: And once she was able to do that and understand, okay, you know what?
• 28:51
  Heather Hetchler: I love my kids.
• 28:53
  Heather Hetchler: I'm going to make decisions in their best interest.
• 28:55
  Heather Hetchler: She made sound decisions.
• 28:57
  Heather Hetchler: She was financially taken care of for herself and her children.
• 29:02
  Heather Hetchler: And now I just actually heard from her that's why she was top of mind.
• 29:06
  Heather Hetchler: Her ex-husband did end up marrying the woman that he had the affair with.
• 29:10
  Heather Hetchler: And she's co-parenting well with that woman.
• 29:13
  Heather Hetchler: And she would have never been able to do that if she would have kept that bitter mindset.
• 29:18
  Heather Hetchler: And when we work with a woman, we're not dismissing the pain that she's gone through.
• 29:21
  Heather Hetchler: We're not saying that what he did to her was right.
• 29:24
  Heather Hetchler: We're saying, what are you going to do?
• 29:26
  Heather Hetchler: And how can we walk alongside of you to help you make the most sound decisions today so that you have a strong future tomorrow?
• 29:34
  Carmen Hecox: That's a beautiful story.
• 29:35
  Heather Hetchler: And you know what, It's really about the kids too.
• 29:38
  Heather Hetchler: Because kids don't ask for their parents to get divorced, right?
• 29:41
  Heather Hetchler: And children are wired to love their mother and father and to honor their mother and father, not honor their honorable mother and father.
• 29:49
  Heather Hetchler: So honestly, they don't necessarily care they just want their parents to get along.
• 29:54
  Heather Hetchler: They want to feel safe to love both parents.
• 29:56
  Heather Hetchler: They want to feel safe to be in mom's house and say, I love dad.
• 29:59
  Heather Hetchler: I had a great weekend with him and not be scolded.
• 30:03
  Heather Hetchler: And so that starts in the divorce process, that starts with the right mindset to be able to grieve your losses, forgive.
• 30:10
  Heather Hetchler: And forgiving does not mean dismissing, and setting boundaries so you can make healthy decisions for yourself and the kids.
• 30:17
  Carmen Hecox: Does your service or program work with family law attorneys, mediators, counselors?
• 30:24
  Heather Hetchler: Yes.
• 30:24
  Heather Hetchler: So, you can find everything at EnlightenHer.
• 30:27
  Heather Hetchler: com.
• 30:27
  Heather Hetchler: We, the course and the guide.
• 30:30
  Heather Hetchler: So we work with attorneys, mental health providers, such as myself, and then the financial advisors, Burning River Advisory Group, which is the founder of EnlightenHer.
• 30:38
  Heather Hetchler: And so all the advice and the course comes from attorneys, financial advisors, and mental health providers.
• 30:44
  Heather Hetchler: And we do recognize that, legal advice is going to be different in every state, but we give you the tools that you need, the questions to ask, how to find a good attorney, how to navigate all the different terms.
• 30:55
  Heather Hetchler: So we have a checklist of like all the different legal terms that you should know, what they mean, all the financial documents that you need to have when you go in, because that's the other thing.
• 31:03
  Heather Hetchler: If you want your attorney to comb through all of your financial, stuff, that's going to cost a lot of money.
• 31:09
  Heather Hetchler: If you have everything copied, if you have everything in order, if you have everything and you can just give that to them with all the high level stuff, that's going to save you a lot of sanity and a lot of money from the legal fees.
• 31:20
  Heather Hetchler: But yes, we do it's a three prong approach.
• 31:22
  Heather Hetchler: So we work with attorneys, financial advisors and mental health providers to just give that well rounded support to a woman.
• 31:29
  Carmen Hecox: So what are the benefits of, going through your program as far as cost?
• 31:33
  Carmen Hecox: Have you seen people save money compared to going at it the blind way, sort of, say?
• 31:38
  Heather Hetchler: Honestly, you know, I think that the cost savings is immeasurable because it's an emotional cost and it's a financial cost.
• 31:46
  Heather Hetchler: So the program, the course is a hundred ninety seven dollars for one.
• 31:50
  Heather Hetchler: Or if you get the kind of pre beginning stages of the divorce course, and then in the midst of divorce course, it's 297 for two.
• 31:56
  Heather Hetchler: But this course is self paced.
• 31:59
  Heather Hetchler: And you learn so much.
• 32:01
  Heather Hetchler: So you learn all the questions to ask.
• 32:02
  Heather Hetchler: You learn how to hire the right attorney for you.
• 32:05
  Heather Hetchler: You learn how to hire the right financial advisor for you.
• 32:08
  Heather Hetchler: You learn how to put together a support system that's going to speak to your needs.
• 32:12
  Heather Hetchler: We have exercises that help you determine who is safe for you to talk to when it comes to your support system.
• 32:18
  Heather Hetchler: How do you know the attorney is the right fit?
• 32:20
  Heather Hetchler: How do you know which type of divorce you want to go through?
• 32:23
  Heather Hetchler: So we walk through, an attorney mediated divorce, a mediated divorce.
• 32:26
  Heather Hetchler: We talk about all of that.
• 32:28
  Heather Hetchler: So if you have all that knowledge and all that power beforehand, it is going to save you so much money.
• 32:34
  Heather Hetchler: I've heard and worked with many women who are on their second or third attorney.
• 32:39
  Heather Hetchler: Imagine the cost of that.
• 32:41
  Heather Hetchler: And when you can save yourself that financial cost, making the right decisions the first time.
• 32:46
  Heather Hetchler: And a lot of times women never even think about having a financial advisor as part of their divorce team.
• 32:51
  Heather Hetchler: And then they come to a financial advisor after their divorce is finalized.
• 32:55
  Heather Hetchler: The financial advisor looks at their settlement and is like, okay, I'm going to work with you, but I really wish I could have worked with you at the beginning stages.
• 33:03
  Heather Hetchler: Because now we can't undo what has been legal, in the divorce decree.
• 33:07
  Heather Hetchler: And so it's like Benjamin Franklin says, and I told my kids, it's growing up all the time.
• 33:11
  Heather Hetchler: If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
• 33:14
  Heather Hetchler: And so what this course does is it teaches you what you need to know, and it helps you as you make decisions.
• 33:21
  Heather Hetchler: So it can minimize not only the emotional toll that it takes on you, but also the financial toll divorce can take on you as well.
• 33:30
  Carmen Hecox: And I think another thing that's real important for women to understand here is that, and I hate to say this, when you're going through a divorce, you have one chance at it.
• 33:37
  Carmen Hecox: You get one chance at the apple.
• 33:39
  Carmen Hecox: You can't go back and undo it.
• 33:41
  Carmen Hecox: Once, once the divorce is signed by the judge and it is final, you can't come back and say, Oh, I forgot to ask for this.
• 33:48
  Carmen Hecox: Or, I just hired a financial planner and they said, I should, have been entitled to this.
• 33:51
  Carmen Hecox: But you didn't ask for it during that period of the divorce process.
• 33:56
  Heather Hetchler: Yeah and sometimes you know Carmen just like we talked about, especially if you're a woman who isn't really even aware of all of your financial matters, you don't even know what to ask for.
• 34:05
  Heather Hetchler: And you don't know, what might sometimes if, your husband is so eager to like sign off on something, it can be a red flag that you shouldn't sign off on it.
• 34:13
  Heather Hetchler: Sometimes something might feel really good in the now, like I get the house or I get this, or I get that.
• 34:18
  Heather Hetchler: But it's not beneficial to you long-term.
• 34:21
  Heather Hetchler: And so being able to look at your picture today is my snapshot, but then the next five, 10, 15 years, what is that going to look like?
• 34:29
  Heather Hetchler: And you have to advocate it's one of the things that I love about the 12 step guide that we have in the course is teaching you like, what are your needs?
• 34:36
  Heather Hetchler: Like a lot of women don't even think about medical health care.
• 34:39
  Heather Hetchler: Right.
• 34:40
  Heather Hetchler: Who's going to pay for insurance if they don't work?
• 34:42
  Heather Hetchler: They don't think about a lot of the extra expenses.
• 34:44
  Heather Hetchler: And if you, like you said, if you don't write it into the decree, when you're doing the divorce, you're not going to be able to get it afterwards.
• 34:50
  Heather Hetchler: And so you have to know what your needs are.
• 34:52
  Heather Hetchler: And you may not even know what those needs are until after it's too late.
• 34:56
  Heather Hetchler: And so that's why I think that this is such a savings, you know, emotionally.
• 35:00
  Heather Hetchler: Going through the course and reading the 12 step guide, it empowers you mentally, right?
• 35:04
  Heather Hetchler: And so that is something in and of itself.
• 35:06
  Heather Hetchler: It gives you knowledge and wisdom and support.
• 35:09
  Heather Hetchler: And so you feel like you're going in with an education, with encouragement and empowerment, but then also it gives you the actual information to utilize.
• 35:17
  Heather Hetchler: So you're making the right decision.
• 35:19
  Heather Hetchler: So it's emotionally supportive and it's also discernment to help you make the right financial and legal decisions for you and your kids if you have them.
• 35:28
  Carmen Hecox: I think it's very important.
• 35:29
  Carmen Hecox: I wish your program would've been around, 30 years ago when I went through a divorce because I was so naive and there was so much emotions that I was going through that I couldn't think clearly.
• 35:41
  Carmen Hecox: And I didn't have the proper people or the healthy people around me to advise me on what I should be doing.
• 35:49
  Carmen Hecox: And so I think your program is amazing, because it is providing the emotional because it is hard to go through divorce emotionally.
• 35:57
  Carmen Hecox: And it's hard to think clearly and it's providing a checklist as to, where you should be spending your money because either way you go, it's going to be expensive.
• 36:07
  Heather Hetchler: Absolutely and so you want to minimize that.
• 36:10
  Carmen Hecox: How can women learn more about your program, your services, and initially work with you?
• 36:16
  Heather Hetchler: Well thanks for asking.
• 36:17
  Heather Hetchler: No, that would be wonderful.
• 36:18
  Heather Hetchler: You know, it's one of those things I like to say, I'm not thankful that you're going through a divorce, but I am so grateful to be here for you.
• 36:26
  Heather Hetchler: And so, the easiest way is you can follow us, on Instagram, which is enlightened divorce.
• 36:31
  Heather Hetchler: You can go to the website, which is enlightened her or you can actually, if you want to just right now, go and download the 12 step free guide.
• 36:39
  Heather Hetchler: I'm going to spell it out here we'll put it in the show notes, but it's, a bitly link, so I'm going to spell it out for you, but it's, www.
• 36:45
  Heather Hetchler: B I T dot L Y backslash enlighten her.
• 36:49
  Heather Hetchler: So it's E N L I G H T E N H E R, EnlightenHer.
• 36:56
  Heather Hetchler: And you can sign up for the 12 step guide, you'll get information on the course, and if you just go to EnlightenHer.com too, you can explore the site.
• 37:05
  Heather Hetchler: We've got divorce resources, and then we also have resources for their money mindset and helping women understand a healthy money mindset and shift their money mindset if they have been brought up with the notion that they don't need to know or that finances are for the guys to handle.
• 37:21
  Heather Hetchler: It's really important for us as women to understand money and to not be afraid to say that we don't.
• 37:28
  Carmen Hecox: Heather, I think I'm going to have to have you back on the show just to cover that topic because I think that's why we kind of went a little sideways on, everything.
• 37:35
  Carmen Hecox: I think that that's something that I don't care how old you are, whether you are, in your twenties and your freshly getting married, or you're in your fifties and, possibly looking at retirement and we're going to retire together, or we're going to get a divorce.
• 37:51
  Carmen Hecox: I think, that's a topic we have to touch.
• 37:54
  Heather Hetchler: I I agree, Carmen.
• 37:55
  Heather Hetchler: I think, you know, I have a daughter who is two years out of college and she's like, mom, you know what?
• 38:00
  Heather Hetchler: My friends and I were all well educated young women.
• 38:03
  Heather Hetchler: And sometimes money will come up and in our circle, we'll talk about how we don't know anything about 401ks.
• 38:10
  Heather Hetchler: We don't know like how much we should be investing in our paycheck.
• 38:13
  Heather Hetchler: And we don't want to be dependent on a husband.
• 38:14
  Heather Hetchler: Maybe we'll get married.
• 38:15
  Heather Hetchler: Maybe we won't, but it's almost like we've decided, like, we're kind of afraid to put it out there beyond our circle because we're smart, intelligent, hard working women with great jobs.
• 38:26
  Heather Hetchler: We should know this.
• 38:28
  Heather Hetchler: But the reality is, the financial industry is really geared towards men, especially with the rhetoric they use.
• 38:33
  Heather Hetchler: And that's, really one of the missions of EnlightenHer is to make money, the talk and the rhetoric of money more approachable for women.
• 38:41
  Heather Hetchler: So they not only feel more comfortable talking about it, but they understand it and they can advocate for themselves in a way.
• 38:47
  Heather Hetchler: And I just want to encourage, women to, you should definitely go to the site and read the About Me page because the founder of EnlightenHer, Ed Vargo, is one of the reasons I love collaborating and working with this company is because he is the owner and CEO of Burning River Advisory and he started EnlightenHer because of his own passion, because of his own experience.
• 39:06
  Heather Hetchler: Growing up, his mom was an immigrant and she didn't understand the legal system and the financial system and his parents went through a divorce.
• 39:14
  Heather Hetchler: And he saw what that did to his mother and he never wanted another woman to go through that.
• 39:19
  Heather Hetchler: And then fast forward, he got married, has five daughters.
• 39:23
  Heather Hetchler: And so he has such a heart to empower women around money.
• 39:30
  Heather Hetchler: And around an equitable and fair divorce.
• 39:32
  Heather Hetchler: And so I am so grateful to partner with Enlighten Her because like you said, this is the roadmap I wish I would have had when I went through my divorce years ago because I didn't have it and I made some mistakes.
• 39:44
  Heather Hetchler: And so if I can help other women make sound decisions and help them with their mental health as they go through it, I am totally on board.
• 39:52
  Carmen Hecox: Beautiful.
• 39:53
  Carmen Hecox: I love this story.
• 39:55
  Carmen Hecox: Well, like I said, we, I need to have you back on the show to talk about finances.
• 39:58
  Carmen Hecox: But I will include all your information in the show notes and on my website, so that people can download the 12 step plan, all that stuff.
• 40:08
  Carmen Hecox: Heather, thank you so much for coming on.
• 40:12
  Carmen Hecox: You have overwhelmed me with information.
• 40:15
  Carmen Hecox: Overwhelmed the audience with great, great information.
• 40:19
  Carmen Hecox: This is a treasure.
• 40:20
  Heather Hetchler: Well, Carmen, thanks for having me on.
• 40:22
  Heather Hetchler: And thanks for talking about this topic that unfortunately a lot of people don't want to talk about, but when we talk about statistics, it impacts everyone and it's something that we need to talk about.
• 40:29
  Heather Hetchler: So thank you very much.
• 40:30
  Carmen Hecox: All right, thank you.
• 40:32
  Carmen Hecox: As we wrap up today's enlightening discussion, it's evident that the journey through divorce is a multifaceted touching, not just the individuals directly involved, But rippling out to affect family, friends, and even our own sense of self emotionally, physically, and financially, the challenges can seem overwhelming.
• 40:54
  Carmen Hecox: But remember, you don't have to navigate this path alone.
• 40:58
  Carmen Hecox: Heather and her team at EnlightenHer have curated a wealth of resources tailored for women in this very situation.
• 41:07
  Carmen Hecox: Their free guide 12 Steps to Financial and Emotional Safeguard during Divorce is an invaluable tool.
• 41:15
  Carmen Hecox: This digital course is designed to not only save you thousands of dollars in court costs and coaching, but to empower you to make informed decisions that will shape your future.
• 41:27
  Carmen Hecox: As Heather pointed out, the true cost is often realized when the right decisions aren't made.
• 41:34
  Carmen Hecox: Planning ahead is not just wise; it's essential.
• 41:38
  Carmen Hecox: At Enlightened Her, they've brought together a team of experts from family law attorneys to financial advisors.
• 41:47
  Carmen Hecox: From Burning River who specializes in guiding women through their financial journey.
• 41:52
  Carmen Hecox: And it's worth noting that Enlighten Her was founded by the very C E O of Burning River, further underscoring their commitment to the cause.
• 42:04
  Carmen Hecox: If you or someone you know is facing the daunting prospect of divorce, I urge you to reach out.
• 42:12
  Carmen Hecox: Start by grabbing their free guide.
• 42:15
  Carmen Hecox: At EnlightenHer.com, sign up for their newsletter for continuous insights.
• 42:21
  Carmen Hecox: And if you feel the need for more of a personal touch, Heather is just an email away at heather@learning2step.com.
• 42:33
  Carmen Hecox: Remember, in times of adversity, having a guiding hand can make all the difference.
• 42:39
  Carmen Hecox: Heather's information and today's transcript can be found at createthebestme.com/ep036.
• 42:49
  Carmen Hecox: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe to stay updated.
• 42:53
  Carmen Hecox: Join me next week as I'll talk about spirituality.
• 42:57
  Carmen Hecox: This episode is one you won't want to miss.
• 43:00
  Carmen Hecox: Until then, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself, and remember you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself.
• 43:13
  Carmen Hecox: Thank you for watching.
• 43:15
  Carmen Hecox: Catch you next week.
• 43:16
  Carmen Hecox: Bye for now.