Latest / Triple Da Money / Understanding Your Paycheck

Transcript

Understanding Your Paycheck · Triple Da Money

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: I have laid out 4,200 pepperonis this pay period.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: 4,200, and someone stole a chunk of my money for it.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Here we go.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: This is a crime scene now, Brandon.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: This is a large pepperoni pizza.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: This is dinner.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's evidence.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, a theft! A victim! A real case.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: A trail of pepperonis leading nowhere.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is my time to shine.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: You keep that hat nearby.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Today, you can call me Detective Emily Holmes.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Brandon, and I'm playing everyone in this, aren't I?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yup.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Fine.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Someone get the costume bin.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: We're triple the money, and we're not eating until we find out where this missing money has gone.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: We're not eating at all.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: This is evidence.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: I hate this family.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Detective Holmes requires evidence, Austin.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So give me the pay stub.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: 20 hours a week for two weeks.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: At 1525 an hour.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: $610.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: I know this number.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: I know this number the way I know how much pepperonis going at large.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And how many pepperonis going at large?
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: 40.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's always been 40.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: Corporate has been very specific about this.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: So at 10 cents a pepperoni, it's 6,100 pepperonis of work.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Did you just convert your paycheck into pepperonis?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: I convert everything into pepperonis.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's how I understand the world now.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, 6,100 pepperonis of work.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: And what actually showed up in my account?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: $480.34.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's only 4,803 pepperonis.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: Where are my other 1,297 pepperonis?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It seems like$129.60 is missing.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's nearly 1,300 pepperonis, Emily.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna do this every time a number comes up, isn't he?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: The gross pay, what you earned,$610.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: The net pay, what you got, that's$480 and 34 cents.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Somewhere in that gap, six suspects took a slice.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: Six suspects, six alibis.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: I want them all in this room.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, six lines on this pay slab, six suspects.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let's bring them all in.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Federal income tax is based off of IRS withholding tables.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: The less you make, the less they take.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's why$20 is small.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: It funds roads, air traffic controllers, and even the park like 20 minutes away from here.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: 200 pepperonis for a park I've been to twice?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: Once, actually.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Time to bring out suspect two.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Hello dear.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Doris, and I'm Social Security.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: I take$37.82.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's 6.2% youngin'.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: 378 pepperonis.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm spending all of them dollars at bingo.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Doris is Social Security.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: She funds retirees, people with disabilities, and people who've lost a breadwinner.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: When you retire, workers younger than you will fund yours.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: So 378 of my pepperonis are funding a bingo hall.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: B12, baby.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay now, time for the next suspect.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Medicare 1.45%.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: I only took$8.85.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's 88 and a half pepperonis.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: Correct.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: You can't cut a pepperoni in half, Doctor.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Do you understand what you're asking of me?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I do this professionally.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: I understand precisely what I'm asking of you.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Medicare plus Social Security is known as FICA.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: 6.65%.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's automatic, non-negotiable, for every single check in your life.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the twist that never makes it onto the stub.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your employer is matching 7.65%.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that comes out of their own pocket.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: You never see it, it just happens.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: So Pizza House is paying extra pepperoni money that nobody told me about?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Every employee does.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Suspect is cleared.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take my 88.5 pepperonis and go.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's not how pepperonis were.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Next suspect.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: State income tax.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: 2.5%, no drama.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's only$14.49.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: 245 pepperonis?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, roughly.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Flat rate for every dollar you make here.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: That suspect is cleared.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's move on before Austin starts a spreadsheet.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's too late.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, let's bring the next one in.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Health insurance premiums,$18, that's just your share.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: 180 pepperonis.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: I could have fed a whole birthday party.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Pizza House offers benefits to part-timers, just how a lot of big corporations do.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: You pay$18 and they quietly cover a big percent of that bill behind the scenes.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: What if I just decline it?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: 380 pepperonis back to my pocket.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Then price one ambulance ride.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thousands, bro, in actual dollars.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's a lot of pepperonis.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Keep the$18.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Five suspects cleared, one left.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And this one you tried to arrest before the episode even started.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: 401k contribution.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: $30.50.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: 5% of your check.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Gone.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Poof.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: This one, 305 pebroni's gone.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't even remember agreeing to it.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: This is the real thief.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: Huff him, Emily.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Last month, before Austin even had a job, we watched him explain 401k matches on this show.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I quote, when I get a real job.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: That does sound like something I would say.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: During onboarding, past Austin checked the box.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Present Austin forgot, because Present Austin was asking HR whether the walk-in freezer counts as a break room.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: It does not, by the way.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: I learned that the hard way.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Here's my confession, Detective.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't steal 305 pepperonis.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Go on.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Pizza House matches 100% up to 5%, which is the same deal that coffee houses give their baristas.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: The second that Austin's 3050 dropped into the account, the company quietly matched another 3050.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Free instantly.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: On 100% return before anything is even invested.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, my pepperonis have a twin?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: Your pepperonis have a twin.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: We're triplets.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: And even we didn't get a deal like that.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Case closed.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Suspect number six isn't a thief.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: He's the only one who hands you free pepperonis on the way out.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: He's the hero of this episode.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I am the hero.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: The culprits.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: One final time, just for the record.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: Federal tax, Social Security, Medicare, State Tax, Health Insurance, and Retirement.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Six lines,$129.66.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: All accounted for.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's still almost$1,300 pepperonis, Emily.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: No crime here, Austin.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Case closed.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Detective Holmes is hanging off the hat.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the whole case file.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Gross pay is what you earned, and net pay is what actually landed in your account.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: That gap isn't theft.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's six jobs your money's doing all at once.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: Taxes build stuff I already use.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: Insurance means the bad accidents don't wipe me out, and the 401k is the only one that gives you free money on the way out.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Take the match every time.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: No exceptions.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: So the next time the check looks smaller than the pepperoni math I did in my head.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Open the stub, find the six lines, every dollar's accounted for.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: $129.66 officially.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: Historically, 1296.6 pepperonis.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: We're ending the episode now.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's on record.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone heard it.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: Where triple the money?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: The money wasn't stolen, it was itemized.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: I played six characters and I got stuck in exactly one costume.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's showbiz.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I want hazard pay in dollars and not pepperonis.