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Family Across Town From Author Aynah Askanas The What If Has Been Answered · Arroe Collins Like It's Live

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  Speaker 1: Only on Arrow.net. A-R-R-O-E.net. Enjoy your exploration. I got to
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  Speaker 1: tell you something. There's so much of your book that
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  Speaker 1: I know that readers are going to see a lot
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  Speaker 1: of themselves in it because maybe that was just the
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  Speaker 1: generation because... I saw my own father in this and I,
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  Speaker 1: and I, and I thought of my mother and it
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  Speaker 1: must've been hell for her to go through it. Cause
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  Speaker 1: I know it was for we kids. So, I mean, for,
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  Speaker 1: for family across town to be released, you're going to
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  Speaker 1: be reaching out to a lot of people that have
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  Speaker 1: been silent for decades.
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  Speaker 2: Hmm.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Interesting. You say that I, um, I, I, I agree.
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  Speaker 3: I think that a lot of families do have a
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  Speaker 3: kind of, uh, severe and secret dysfunction, even though it
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  Speaker 3: might not be exactly like mine. And I'm hoping that
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  Speaker 3: this gives them license to think about theirs and come
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  Speaker 3: out with theirs and feel a little more, a little
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  Speaker 3: less alone with theirs, you know?
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  Speaker 1: Well, you open up our hearts in the way of
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  Speaker 1: helping us understand healing as well as forgiveness. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: you don't hide that at all inside this book. And
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  Speaker 1: that to me is part of that key that we
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  Speaker 1: can use when we want to open up new doors
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  Speaker 1: as we continue to go through the chapters.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, yes.
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  Speaker 3: I think, you know, the forgiveness was, especially toward my dad,
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  Speaker 3: was a process. But I thought it was justified. I
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  Speaker 3: don't think that people are all evil. Everybody's nuanced. And
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  Speaker 3: I did see the good in my dad. And I
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  Speaker 3: was fortunate that I had these wonderful siblings to lean on.
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  Speaker 3: And to discuss things with and to go through the
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  Speaker 3: healing process with. And I hope other people have that
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  Speaker 3: as well, but I bet a lot of other people don't. Right.
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  Speaker 1: I'm one of those people. I didn't get the chance
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  Speaker 1: to talk to the dude. I would love that if
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  Speaker 1: the great universe could just give me one chance to say,
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  Speaker 1: I forgive you. We're cool. I understand. Well, life is
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  Speaker 1: life and things were tough back then. Because, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't get, but the thing about it is, though, vicariously,
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  Speaker 1: I'm living through it through his children. There are three
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  Speaker 1: families involved here.
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  Speaker 3: Really? Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh. He was a playful monkey. Oh, wow.
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  Speaker 2: oh my god i would i would rather interview you
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  Speaker 2: wow three families.
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  Speaker 1: Involved absolutely absolutely yeah.
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  Speaker 4: That is fascinating and the thing and the thing about
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  Speaker 4: it is we all have interpretations of this guy and
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  Speaker 4: and of course we being the third family the other
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  Speaker 4: families are.
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  Speaker 1: Going you got it so wrong dude and you are
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  Speaker 1: holding a grudge against somebody who doesn't deserve it and
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  Speaker 1: i'm going Okay, we need to agree upon disagreeing. And
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  Speaker 1: it's just one of those things. That's why I wanted
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  Speaker 1: to talk with you in the way, how did you
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  Speaker 1: deal with this with your siblings? Because there had to
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  Speaker 1: have been talk.
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  Speaker 3: There had to have been talk.
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  Speaker 2: What do you mean talk?
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  Speaker 1: In other words, everybody has, it's like if we were
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  Speaker 1: to sit down and write a story about our mothers
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  Speaker 1: and then invite other family members in, everybody would have
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  Speaker 1: a different story. And that's the thing about it is
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  Speaker 1: that it's like we're living the story, but we all
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  Speaker 1: have different interpretations.
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  Speaker 2: That is very true. That is very true.
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  Speaker 3: Well, my oldest brother has not read the book, Rob.
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  Speaker 2: He just doesn't want to go back there.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 2: And my sister read it, and it was hard for her.
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  Speaker 3: But she had some different.
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  Speaker 2: Views, as you say, but basically it was the same book.
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  Speaker 3: And also, as I was writing and I couldn't remember
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  Speaker 3: things or couldn't remember things exactly, I would consult with them.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: So it kind of brought us onto the same page.
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  Speaker 3: And I don't know if you noticed what I said.
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  Speaker 3: You know, my brother thinks this. My sister thinks that,
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  Speaker 3: you know, I kind of went on to the. You
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  Speaker 3: know what they think versus what I remember. But it
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  Speaker 3: is basically the same in terms, at least in terms
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  Speaker 3: of my sister and I. And I think in terms
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  Speaker 3: of my brother, too, even that even even though he
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  Speaker 3: helped me a bit with the book, he doesn't want
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  Speaker 3: to go back and read the whole thing.
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  Speaker 2: It's too painful for him.
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  Speaker 1: There's something very haunting here that still lives inside my heart.
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  Speaker 1: And I just can't imagine. First of all, I couldn't
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  Speaker 1: imagine that I felt it inside the book. Second of all,
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  Speaker 1: what you went through it in real life. Bug, your
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  Speaker 1: father has another family. Oh my God. Everything in my
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  Speaker 1: world stopped right there on the spot. Because when I
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  Speaker 1: heard that about my own father, I know what I
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  Speaker 1: went through emotionally. And all of a sudden I wanted
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  Speaker 1: to embrace you.
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  Speaker 3: It's okay.
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  Speaker 1: It's okay. We got this. We got this. Everything's going
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  Speaker 1: to be okay.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. Um, yeah, as you know, and I'm fascinated that
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  Speaker 3: you went through it yourself.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't know that. Um, it's a shock at first.
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  Speaker 3: It's, you know, it's shocking.
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  Speaker 2: There's a ton of anger. Um, yeah, it's, it's pretty awful. It's, um,
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  Speaker 2: I was in a daze for quite a while. It's numbing.
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  Speaker 2: There's a lot of numbness too. But then as.
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  Speaker 3: You know, for me, as I started thinking back, there
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  Speaker 3: was all the aha moments.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay. That's why he wasn't home on holidays. He
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  Speaker 2: was with his other family.
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  Speaker 3: That's why there was a sexy voice nurse from his
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  Speaker 3: medical group practice, you know, calling every, you know, every
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  Speaker 3: evening when he was home and he would go upstairs
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  Speaker 3: and shut the door, you know, she wasn't his nurse.
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  Speaker 2: All these aha moments.
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  Speaker 3: And after a while, it felt so much better to
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  Speaker 3: be able to put together those pieces, you know, than
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  Speaker 3: live without them.
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  Speaker 2: It was very healing for me. I'm not, you know,
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  Speaker 2: I'm not.
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  Speaker 3: Sure how you felt about it, but wow. Two other
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  Speaker 3: families for you. Yeah. It is.
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  Speaker 1: It is healing for me because it helps me understand
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  Speaker 1: maybe that what the doors are like for my brothers
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  Speaker 1: and sisters that they've slammed shut. Not only that, but
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  Speaker 1: here's another healing part that you may not have thought
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  Speaker 1: about in this book. There's going to be a lot
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  Speaker 1: of men that are going to read this book. Men
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  Speaker 1: who have cheated. And men who are going to go,
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  Speaker 1: this is the worst mistake of my life. I hold
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  Speaker 1: myself responsible. I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate.
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  Speaker 1: But when they read a book like this and they
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  Speaker 1: realize that there's other people affected by it, that maybe
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  Speaker 1: their hearts will open and say, I can still be me.
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  Speaker 1: But that was then. I am not then anymore.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: That's a great way to look at it. I hope so.
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  Speaker 2: I hope so.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. Everybody grows and changes and hopefully for the better.
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  Speaker 3: And there is a lot of forgiveness there, you know,
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  Speaker 3: for people who, you know, I think do their best
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  Speaker 3: in a lot of ways, but do the wrong.
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  Speaker 2: Thing, perhaps.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, why my dad started and continued to raise
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  Speaker 3: two families secretly. You know, I ask that question a
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  Speaker 3: lot in the book. And it's complicated. It's complicated. I
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  Speaker 3: guess anybody's first response is to go, well, because he
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  Speaker 3: was a.
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  Speaker 2: Son of a bitch, you know. And maybe there's that, too.
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  Speaker 3: But I do think as things progressed and there were
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  Speaker 3: these precious children involved and he loved both families and,
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  Speaker 3: you know, that gets complicated. And I hope people will
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  Speaker 3: be able to empathize with that otherwise. you know, you know,
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  Speaker 3: empathize with it and not just go.
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  Speaker 2: No, no, no, he's an asshole. You know, maybe, maybe
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  Speaker 2: there's a bit of both.
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  Speaker 1: Please do not move. We'll be right back with Ina
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  Speaker 1: Azcanis coming up next. The name of the book, Family
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  Speaker 1: Across Town. You will probably really relate with this story.
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  Speaker 1: We are back with Ina Azcanis. And it might be
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  Speaker 1: just the male inside of me. I'm going, he took
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  Speaker 1: care of two families. He was responsible. He took care
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  Speaker 1: of two families, not just one, but he took care
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  Speaker 1: of two. That's a responsibility.
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  Speaker 2: Right, right. Yes, yes. And he did it. Fairly well,
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  Speaker 2: I guess.
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  Speaker 3: You know, I mean, I talk in the book about
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  Speaker 3: him always. My dad was very cheap with money, but
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  Speaker 3: he paid for the important things for us.
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  Speaker 2: And I've learned for.
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  Speaker 3: The daughters on the other side, you know, college and,
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  Speaker 3: you know, graduate school for most of us. And when
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  Speaker 3: we were little, what he considered the important things, books.
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  Speaker 2: And he was right. That is very important. Swim lessons,
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  Speaker 2: very important.
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  Speaker 3: And yeah, he was there for the things that mattered.
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  Speaker 2: And he did teach me how to read at a
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  Speaker 2: very young age.
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  Speaker 3: He took the time, which a lot of fathers and
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  Speaker 3: mothers don't. That's time consuming to sit down and teach
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  Speaker 3: a child how to read.
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  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 1: You really set it up in the way of, it's
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  Speaker 1: almost like a true love story in the way that
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  Speaker 1: Estelle meets up with Matt, tall, dark, and handsome, a
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  Speaker 1: medical student. And of course, we're all swooned by this.
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  Speaker 1: We're all going, oh, here we go. This is so beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: And then.
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  Speaker 1: something happens and I'm going, Oh, she knew we'd be
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  Speaker 1: sucked into this.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I just tried to, I really tried
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  Speaker 3: to tell it like it was. I mean, as long,
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  Speaker 3: I felt like as long as I just followed the
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  Speaker 3: story and follow the truth, um, you know, whether people,
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  Speaker 3: you know, people would get sucked in because it really,
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  Speaker 3: you know, I tried to just tell all the truth,
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  Speaker 3: no matter how shameful it felt or upsetting it was
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  Speaker 3: or awful or, or, or wonderful, like they're meeting, you know, um, I, I,
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  Speaker 3: I tried to follow that, the actual facts.
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  Speaker 2: So now, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: How does the family react today? Because my family, the
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  Speaker 1: We're not together. And I don't see it coming together.
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  Speaker 1: So therefore, what happens with your family? Is there hope
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  Speaker 1: where maybe that we can be inspired by something to say,
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  Speaker 1: glue your family back together. It wasn't meant to be
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  Speaker 1: this way.
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  Speaker 3: Um, well, when you, yes, our, our family is, is,
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  Speaker 3: is very much together. Um, well, I mean, my, my,
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  Speaker 3: my mom passed.
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  Speaker 2: Right. Right.
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  Speaker 3: But my mom, um, was, you know, my best friend till,
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  Speaker 3: till the, till her dying day.
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  Speaker 2: Um, and my, one of my brothers passed as you,
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  Speaker 2: as I'm sure you remember.
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  Speaker 3: And, um, so it's me, my brother and my sister
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  Speaker 3: and we're very, And of course, my dad passed.
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  Speaker 2: But we're very, very close.
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  Speaker 3: You know, it's kind of like going to war and,
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  Speaker 3: you know, coming back. And, you know, we were in
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  Speaker 3: the trenches together in a very, very strange way to
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  Speaker 3: live through a very bizarre family secret. And a lot
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  Speaker 3: of people, you know, we can relate to it with
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  Speaker 3: each other. But a lot of people can't relate to that,
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  Speaker 3: even if they have dysfunction in their family, whether it's
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  Speaker 3: alcoholism or abuse or horrible dysfunction.
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  Speaker 2: It's a little different.
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  Speaker 3: When you live through a family secret, an insidious family
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  Speaker 3: secret that we live through our whole lives, our whole lives.
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  Speaker 1: It is coming out at such the perfect time because
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  Speaker 1: this is the kind of stuff that people read and they,
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  Speaker 1: and because as the temperatures get colder and the days
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: get shorter and the nights are longer and, and it's
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  Speaker 1: just one of those books you can cuddle up to while,
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  Speaker 1: while just sitting there on your sofa or in bed
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  Speaker 1: and stuff. And I just, I can't thank you enough
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  Speaker 1: for putting this book out there because a lot of people,
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  Speaker 1: like I said, in the beginning are going to be
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  Speaker 1: able to relate with it.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you so much. That makes me really, really happy.
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  Speaker 3: And I, I'm glad, glad you read it and got
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  Speaker 3: into it. I do. I do think we need to
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  Speaker 3: have coffee and or a drink because I want to
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  Speaker 3: hear your story.
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  Speaker 1: Well, only if we can invite other people as well,
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  Speaker 1: because I'm just one of a billion. I mean, it's
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  Speaker 1: just a time in American or global history where it
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  Speaker 1: was that family secret that nobody talked about. Today, you
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  Speaker 1: get busted. Everybody knows about it. It's like, oh, oh,
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  Speaker 1: my God. Even the lady down the street that's got
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  Speaker 1: three dogs knows about it.
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  Speaker 3: It's like, oh, no. Right.
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  Speaker 2: Right. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And I know two other people who it's happened to.
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  Speaker 3: And now with you, I know three.
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  Speaker 2: So that means I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: I don't want to use the word epidemic, but maybe
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  Speaker 3: that's not too strong of a word. Right. Right.
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  Speaker 2: You know. Wow.
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  Speaker 1: Where can people go to find out more about you
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  Speaker 1: and really show you some love?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, you're so sweet.
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  Speaker 3: It's InaAscanis.com. And unfortunately, I have the hardest name.
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  Speaker 2: To spell in the world. I'm going to spell it
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  Speaker 2: for you.
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  Speaker 3: It's A-Y-N-A-H-A-S as in Sam, K-A-N-A-S as in Sam.com.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you know what the average person is going
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: to be doing in their very busy world. They're going
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: to be saying, Ina Arkansas, man, where's that book at
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: from Ina Arkansas?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, I know.
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  Speaker 3: I know. I know. Yeah, I should have done something
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  Speaker 3: really easy like family, you know, afamily.com or something like that.
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  Speaker 2: But I didn't have that kind of foresight.
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  Speaker 1: I love it. Please come back to this show anytime
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  Speaker 1: in the future. The door is always going to be
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  Speaker 1: open for you.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, you're so sweet. I would love that. I would
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: love that. Thank you so much.
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  Speaker 1: Well, you be brilliant today, okay?
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, you too.