Latest / Martyr's Row / Ep. 57 - Are There Gnomes in the Bible?

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Ep. 57 - Are There Gnomes in the Bible? · Martyr's Row

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This week on Martyrs Row! Did gnomes create the
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first Ponzi scheme? Are there warrior gnomes
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in the Bible? Did Moses become a god on Mount
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Sinai? Was Michelangelo secretly a worshipper
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of the goat god Pan? I don't know! Is that a
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goat? Wait, is that a goat? Are you a goat? Wait,
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are you a goat? I don't know, let's find out!
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This week on Martyrs Row! 3, 2, 1! Saint Galassinus,
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a player of comedies in the city of Heliopolis,
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was in the days of the heathen persecutions appointed
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to mock the holy sacrament of baptism before
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the multitude. Yet as he performed the spectacle,
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the grace of God touched his heart, and rising
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before the assembly, he confessed that he now
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truly believed in Christ, whom he had before
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derided. The people, supposing it at first to
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be part of the play, soon perceived his confession
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to be sincere. Whereupon they were filled with
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fury, and fell upon him with stones and clubs,
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until he yielded up his spirit. Thus Galassinus,
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who entered the stage to profane the faith, departed
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it as a witness unto the truth, showing that
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the mercy of God can turn the scoffer into a
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saint. and make a moment of repentance the beginning
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of eternal life. Anno Domini, 297. One of the
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greatest sculptures ever carved contains one
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of history's strangest details. Michelangelo's
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Moses sits with unmatched strength and authority.
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His muscles are tense, his eyes burn with intensity,
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and rising from his head are two horns. To a
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modern audience, they seem out of place. But
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to the ancient world, horns were never merely
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decoration. They were symbols of power, of kingship,
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of divine authority. Across Mesopotamia, Egypt,
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and Canaan, rulers and deities were crowned with
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horns to proclaim majesty and supernatural status.
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Michelangelo preserved that unexpected image,
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not because he invented it, but because it had
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already been passed down for nearly a thousand
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years. The story begins in Exodus 34. After speaking
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with God on Mount Sinai, Moses descended with
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the tablets of the covenant. In the Hebrew text
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says his face, The word comes from the Hebrew
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root, meaning horn. The verb can also describe
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rays of light projecting outward. Around AD 400,
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Jerome translated the Hebrew scriptures into
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Latin and rendered the verse, His face was horned.
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The Latin Vulgate became the Bible of Western
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Europe for centuries. An artist faithfully portrayed
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Moses with small horns as they encountered him
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in the text. By the time Michelangelo carved
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his masterpiece between 1513 and 1515, the horned
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Moses had become a well -established artistic
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tradition. Modern Hebrew scholarship overwhelmingly
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understands Exodus 34 to describe Moses' face
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radiating the reflected glory of God after being
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in his presence. The horns are the lasting imprint
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of one Hebrew word, one influential translation,
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and a tradition that endured for nearly a millennium.
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The horns of Michelangelo's Moses are not a forgotten
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secret. or evidence of hidden paganism. Or are
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they? So Michelangelo's horns of Moses. You know,
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I didn't... Which honestly has always baffled
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me why they were there. Okay. Whenever I saw
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them. Yeah. And I was like, what? And I always
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forget to look up why they're there. There you
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go. So that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, so it's interesting
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because, so Michelangelo's Moses has horns, and
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that's weird. Yeah. It's weird to us. Goat Moses.
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Yeah. Well, yeah, so immediately think of Pan.
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Yeah. Right? But then also it's like, okay, there's
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so many different things that I feel like you
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can speculate about from this end, like from
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this side of history. You can kind of speculate
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on like, well, was Michelangelo like secretly
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pagan and he was trying to like hide these things
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in his skull? He was actually like, you know,
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like he's like the Illuminati in the background
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putting up a triangle or something like that.
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And it's like, is that what he's doing? Which
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honestly, Michelangelo is known to be vindictive.
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Okay. Still? Oh, I mean, he's not alive anymore.
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He was known. Cause like even in his paintings
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with like the Sistine Chapel. Yeah. Because they
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aggravated him so much. He's like, all right,
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cool. I'm going to put, I can't remember what
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the objects are, but he's like, I'm going to
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do these few things cause it'll make you mad.
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Oh yeah. But I'm going to hide these in it so
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you won't catch it at first. That's true. And
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that's fair. Yeah. And also like, to be honest,
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so by the time he did it, 1513 to 1515. Yeah.
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You're talking about like, there's already, um
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english translations yeah so like by that time
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you would have a lot of the handwritten stuff
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you would have you know what i mean so you would
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have a lot of stuff written in english um that
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would exclude the horns yeah but one of the things
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sorry one of the things i was thinking about
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is like in pagan culture the horns were on many
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of the deities um or like crowns of horns or
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their crown had horns on it, right? The crown
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of their head. And it was to signify like royalty
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or deity. So then I was like, okay, I think some
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of the speculation lands in the idea that like
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Moses comes off the mountain with the creator
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God. And as he comes back, his complexion has
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changed. Has he himself become a God? Oh, interesting.
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Right? Yeah. And so then in the same way that
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a pagan god would have horns on, he becomes a
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god, which I think is some of the speculation.
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I could see that. It's like, did Moses actually
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become a god on Sinai and come down? Oh, that's
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interesting. Does he transform in that moment?
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And the answer is no. Right? Not in real life.
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And particularly in this scenario. In this scenario,
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what is featured or represented is actually a
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common theme from how they viewed it based on
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what the Vulgate was translating. Yeah. So it's
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kind of interesting. That's fascinating. Because
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it's really close if you don't really know what's
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going on. Yeah. And I guess I'm interested even
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by that point in history, how much of those symbols
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were... commonly known oh sure that's what i
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don't know i don't know if you know or well it
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would have been so it would have been common
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for them to hear in mass and different things
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like that that makes sense that his he was um
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his face was horned yeah or it was like a deity
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yeah you know what i mean because i remember
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when i was When I was at the Vatican. Okay. Yeah,
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yeah. This is my Israel for you. That's fair.
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One of the things that was told to us was why
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it was so important that we had these paintings
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in the chapel was because a lot of people didn't
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speak Latin. Right. And all the masses were in
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Latin. Right. At that point, it was still the
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tradition. Yeah. So they're like, no one knows
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what's going on. They don't know what's being
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said. Fair. And so really the main way that they
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actually could know the gospel was through the
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depictions and the artwork. Yeah. And so they
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would look at the pictures and be like, okay,
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this is the story. Yeah. And they would recognize
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the symbols and whatnot. put the story together
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that way. That makes a lot of sense. Which is
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also kind of funny. Like, yeah, so no one understands
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what we're saying. So instead of like speaking
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English or Italian, let's just put some pictures
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up. It is, yeah. Yeah, that's wild. Why break
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tradition? But also it would mean that everybody
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at that time would have seen Moses with the horns
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and been like, oh yeah, that's like, that's showing
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us that his face is glowing. It's like back then
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they couldn't put a light bulb in his face. You
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know what I mean? That's true. Now we could just
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make his face acrylic and put a light bulb behind
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it. Just make it glow. Yeah, yeah. So there are
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things, yeah. So they just, it's kind of funny
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because the way that we can make things actually
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appear the way that the Bible describes it. versus
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back then they just had to like add horns. Like
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what's the symbolism we can use to describe this?
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Yeah. So it's kind of interesting. But yeah,
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so Michelangelo may have been secretly pagan,
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but it was a common understanding that Moses
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being depicted with horns was representative
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of his face shining. Yeah, which seems so counterintuitive
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to me. Well, it's the same idea of the pictures
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and paintings of the saints. With the halos?
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Yeah, with the halos, but also the positions
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their hands are in. Oh, yes. There's a story
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being told in the details. Yeah, that's true.
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So it's almost like because if someone were to
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just walk up and see the sculpture or see the
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painting, then they would have the context. of
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the subtle details that were speaking to that.
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For us, being 500 years out of context, we don't
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know what the subtle details are. So we're like,
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hmm. Yeah, yeah, weird, horns. Weird. But the
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same way that we walk up and go, horns, pan?
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Wait, was Michelangelo saying that Moses was
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a god? that's us putting our context into it
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the same way that they would have, but their
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context was, no, that means his countenance was
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different. Yeah. So yeah, that's, that's cool.
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Right. So it's the same thing. Yeah. Then the
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subtleties and all the things that we add in,
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I mean, it happens with like album artwork. True.
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Right. Or it's like, like, yeah, there's like
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all kinds of stuff like that. So yeah, that's
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very true. Pretty interesting. Yeah, I like that.
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So, Michelangelo's Moses had horns, but was not
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worshipping Pan. He was not Goat Moses. No Goat
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Moses. His condoms had changed. No Goat Moses.
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No Goat Moses. Three, two, one. Before first
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light Tiny Pastor Clover's show Places only robins
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know What's the thing you fear the most? Every
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garden keeps a ghost Garden dwellers out of sight
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Move beneath the pale moonlight Camel circles,
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paddles torn Something changes with the morn
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Leave a gift and leave till... Soon they'll learn
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your voice by time. Not every neighbor means
13:28
you well. Not every whisper breaks the spell.
13:37
Some stories come from down below. Stephen, I
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have a question for you. I like it. I already
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like it. This is a great question. What do you
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think of when I say the word gnome? G. Actually,
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me too. I hope she won't lie. Whenever I hear
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the word, I think of how to spell it. Yes. Yeah.
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Yeah. My mind goes in so many different places.
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Yeah. I just went to the simplest thing that
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popped into my head. Because the other thing
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I think is like small clay leprechaun. Not too
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far off, honestly. Mini clay leprechaun. Do you
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know people that have gnomes in their garden
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around here? Because I feel like I haven't. seen
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it often it's not yeah it's not a big florida
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thing no but i will say up north yeah i can think
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of probably like 12 people off top my head that
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have gnomes in their garden must be an ohio thing
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yeah do you know about well a lot of a lot of
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european immigrants in the north fair yeah that
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makes sense yeah why would they come down here
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yeah um but do you know the thing around the
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i know that you don't play golf I do play golf.
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Yes. And there's an event called the Masters.
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Okay. Oh, I do know the Masters. Okay. So the
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Masters has this whole thing without going into
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it. Like the Masters has this whole thing around
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like they are an exclusive club. The golf course
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shuts down like five or six months out of the
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year. Yeah. They redo all of the grass every
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year. Crazy. And it's like this exclusive event.
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And they also have very specific merch. So like
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they have a gift shop, but like the stuff that's
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labeled with Masters, you can only get it during
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the Masters. Okay. So it's like extremely exclusive
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apparel. Yeah. So people spend like... Like 10
16:10
grand. That's crazy. Getting like t -shirts and
16:14
hats. Just because it says Masters on it. Yeah,
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and they know that like I'm going to spend this
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much and go to this. That's wild. It's also like
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impossible to get tickets to the Masters. It's
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like a lottery. Anyways, one of the main things
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that's a big deal in the gift shop for the Masters
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is a gnome. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that.
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Yeah, it started like 10 years ago, I think.
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No way. And so there are these collectible gnomes
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that some of them will resell on eBay for like
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10 grand. That's crazy. But also, I guess it
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makes sense because golf courses are known for
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having very well -maintained grass. True. Is
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that what gnomes are for? Garden gnomes, yeah.
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Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. And the Masters
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is known for like... They actually ask the players
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that if the players don't love the conditions,
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that they don't mention that. Really? Yes. They
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want it to be this Disney World -esque place.
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That's interesting. They'll even spray paint
17:26
if the grass is not perfectly green. Wow. They'll
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just paint it green. Yeah. Because on TV, they
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want it to look like the perfect, yeah. Yeah.
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So it's interesting. That's kind of wild. Like
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even the sand in the bunkers, it's like crystal.
17:46
It's not like actually sand. Really? Yeah, it's
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weird. Anyways, they have gnomes there. That's
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amazing. And it kind of makes sense in what,
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like a garden gnome, like taking care of the,
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yeah. Because it's such an immaculate, like kind
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of secret place. Yeah, there is that little bit
18:04
of like secretness to it. Yeah. And it's in Augusta,
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Georgia. Okay. So. Good old Augusta. Maybe more
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gnomes up there. Very gnome territory. Yeah,
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yeah, yeah. Well, I want to take us on a weird
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trip for this episode. Okay, let's do it. And
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so we're going to start by talking about. Do
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we need to consume anything? We probably should.
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But we won't. No. Okay. Because this will be
18:35
enough. Fair. So I kind of want to talk about
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the history of the garden gnome. Okay. And then
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also take some detours along the way. Let's do
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it. So. The history of the garden gnome. Okay.
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Yeah. It's a weird path that we're taking. But
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I think it'll be really fun. Let's do it. And
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it opens up a lot of weird paths. Okay. So where
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does it begin? So. Where does the garden gnome
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begin? The history of the garden gnome. You can
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talk that way. It would be pleasant. That actually
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would be kind of nice. Go for it. Especially
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at 4 a .m. Well, so I do want to say this first.
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So across almost all cultures, there are stories
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of small supernatural beings that lived beneath
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the earth. Okay. Which is kind of interesting.
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Like a root. Yeah. And so they go by different
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names. Okay. Which makes sense. They have different
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languages. Small supernatural creatures under
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the earth. Yeah. Go by different names. Yeah.
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Okay. I'm with you. Based on your culture. I'm
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with you. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Language and culture.
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That makes sense. Yeah, but the characteristics
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or the descriptions of them are very similar.
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Okay. There are some differences, but... So some
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of these, which you might be familiar with some
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of these words, or these names, there are dwarves,
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brownies, vegar, duende, knockers, mind spirits,
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household spirits, treasure guardians, redcaps,
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and that's just to name a few of them. There's
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so many different things to explore there. I
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know. But we don't have time for that. Okay.
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Not this time. Okay. So the word gnome. Didn't
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exist until the 1500s. Is it like European? Yeah.
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Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say the majority
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of the stories around them or like the folklore
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around them is very European. Okay, makes sense.
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I'll say it that way. Yeah, yeah. But so the
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word was introduced by a Swiss physician, an
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alchemist named Paralcius. Paracelsus. Okay.
20:56
He was an alchemist? Weird name. Yeah. Okay.
20:58
Well, a physician alchemist, yeah. But he also
21:01
did more things than that. Okay. Yeah, because
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a physician alchemist would be similar to a pharmacist.
21:11
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Or a psychiatrist. Yeah. Yeah.
21:19
Okay. Kind of in between those. Right, right,
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right. Yeah. And so out beyond just those, he
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was also a philosopher, a theologian, a chemist.
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Okay. But he's most famous for being an alchemist.
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Fair. Which is like, that's such a wide range
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of things. Yeah. But I feel like back then being
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an alchemist or in the field of alchemy, like
21:44
that was more common. I think so. I feel like
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we don't even have that as a category anymore.
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It's been broken down into other things. Yeah,
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that's true. Like it was more of an overarching
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discipline. Yeah, and I feel like at least back
21:59
in like the 1500s, it had a more supernatural
22:03
side to it. Right. Than it probably would today.
22:07
That's true. Yeah. Yeah, so it was like looking
22:10
at medicinal sciences, but including spiritual
22:17
things. Yeah. Which would be alchemy. Yeah, that's
22:22
true. And that was like pre -naturalist. Yeah.
22:25
It was like, I feel like in the 1500s was coming
22:28
to that turning point though. That's fair. So
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it was kind of like on the precipice of those.
22:33
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, because the printing
22:37
press is happening. Yes, yeah. Yeah, the Reformation,
22:43
all these things. A lot of things changed very
22:45
quickly. This guy, so he believed that nature
22:52
was filled with invisible beings connected to
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the four classical elements. Okay. He's just
22:58
starting strong. So fire had salamanders, water
23:03
had undines, air had sylphs, and earth had gnomes.
23:07
Okay. Two of those I don't know. I know. But
23:11
like, so you said fire, salamander. Yeah. That's
23:15
consistent with frozen. Correct. The movie Frozen.
23:18
Yeah. And then Water was what? I think it's pronounced
23:25
Undines. U -N -D -I -N -E -S. There's a movie
23:30
with like classical dragons and they dance in
23:34
the water. Like water is kind of their thing.
23:37
Which that might, I actually don't know what
23:38
that word means, I'll be honest. It's probably
23:40
like a serpentine type of. That's what I would
23:43
guess. Kind of like mermaid -y. Yeah. I mean,
23:46
or literally just a water dragon. Yeah. Yeah,
23:50
that's fair. Yeah. And I think sylphs are more
23:52
fairy -like, if I remember right. And that's
23:54
for? Air. Air. Yeah. Also makes sense. Yeah.
24:00
So fairies in the air, dragons in the water.
24:03
Gnomes in the air. Salamanders in the fire. And
24:06
then gnomes in the earth. Yeah. Yeah, that's
24:09
fair. And so to him, yeah, they were earth elements
24:13
is what he would call them. Okay. And I feel
24:17
like back then too, you have less people like
24:20
cutting trees down. Yeah, that's probably fair.
24:23
And so there's all these things going on in the
24:24
woods that are like mysterious. Yeah, a lot of
24:28
weird sounds. Yeah. And like a lot of undisturbed
24:32
habitats. That's what I mean. Yeah. Like there's
24:34
things going on in there that no one really knows
24:37
about. Yeah. And there's got to be things we
24:40
haven't discovered yet. Oh, 100%. So like, of
24:42
course there are... Also back then, there was
24:45
more of an understanding of spiritual boundaries.
24:50
So the woods having its own spiritual boundary.
24:54
Yeah, and I feel like, which we'll probably talk
24:57
about this again later, but I also think at that
25:01
time, whatever things were real, whatever beings
25:07
were real, were probably a lot more populated.
25:10
Oh, yeah, that's fair. Than they are today. Yeah.
25:14
Yeah. Well, and because they weren't observed
25:17
as often. Right. But then as we've kind of removed
25:21
habitats and killed off things, it's like, well,
25:24
yeah, there's a lot less. Well, there is a nonprofit
25:28
called Habitats for Humanity. Yes. So, like,
25:33
we've reclaimed all the habitats. They're ours
25:36
now. They're ours. I don't think that's what
25:39
that means. As they should be. No, it's not.
25:42
But it might be. I like the wordplay. I don't
25:45
know. We'll see. So gnomes. Gnomes. Yeah, so
25:50
he believed that they could move through solid
25:53
rock the way fish move through water, and they
25:56
guarded minerals and hidden treasures, and they
25:58
rarely interacted with humans. So Paracelsus
26:03
blended Greek mythology, Roman traditions, medieval
26:06
folklore, and Christian theology into a new system
26:11
that gave these underground spirits a name that
26:14
stuck, which was gnome. So he named them. Yeah.
26:18
That's kind of cool. It's cool to be known for
26:21
that. Yeah. It's cool to be gnomed for that.
26:25
Yeah. And the funny thing is, ironically, the
26:29
first gnomes weren't. Weren't very cute. Okay.
26:33
The depictions of them. Yeah. They were mysterious
26:35
beings that existed somewhere between spirit,
26:38
animal, and human. Okay. So they're kind of like.
26:42
So they're chimeric creatures. 100%. Yeah. These
26:46
weird hybrid. Yeah. Well, again, frozen. Yes.
26:52
They're rocks that unravel and like armadillos
26:57
and they become gnomes. Yeah. Which is kind of
27:00
playing on that imagery. Yeah, and they're also,
27:02
like, highly spiritual. Yes. Which is down to,
27:08
like, the history behind them or the folklore
27:11
behind them. Which makes sense. I mean, I think
27:13
that whole thing is Nordic. Frozen is Nordic.
27:17
Funny you say that. Okay. So, in Norway. Yes.
27:22
Go on. They were called the Nis, or Nisi. Okay.
27:28
So unlike Paracelsus ideas. Yes. I'm recalling
27:34
songs from my youth. Oh, go on. And like there
27:39
were these worship songs with names of gods or
27:43
names of God. Interesting. And Jehovah Nisi was
27:46
one of them. Oh, that's interesting. I have no
27:51
clue what that means. I'll look it up. Yeah,
27:53
we should definitely look that up. As you're
27:56
looking that up. So Paracelsus, his ideas of
28:03
underground spirits, the Nisi were unlike that.
28:07
These little beings lived on farms and cared
28:10
for livestock, protected barns, and watched over
28:14
homes. And they worked at night while everyone
28:16
slept. But they expected respect. Okay. So how
28:24
is Nisi spelled? N -I -S -S -E. N -I -S -S -I
28:30
-S -S -I -P -P -I. Mississippi. Mississippi.
28:34
Nomes are Mississippi. Mississippi. So Nisi is
28:39
what I'm thinking. Okay. And this is also a Nordic
28:42
word versus? Yeah, Hebrew, N -I -S -S -I. Okay.
28:46
So N -I -S -S -E? Yeah. Okay. It's very close.
28:51
Nisi in Hebrew is banner. So Jehovah Nisi is
28:56
the Lord is my banner. That's cool. Yeah. Very
29:01
different meanings. It served as a rally cry,
29:03
symbolized a leader under whom the army fought.
29:06
Hmm. So it's like a. That's cool. Yeah. Any relation?
29:11
No. Okay. Not this time. Not this time. At least
29:15
I don't think so. Okay. Might change my mind
29:17
later. So then in the tradition of this, what
29:21
you would do to show them respect is you would
29:25
leave a bowl of porridge with butter. Porridge.
29:27
Porridge. With just like a little butter. Yeah.
29:31
I mean, you have to. Yeah, of course. Porridge
29:33
without butter. Why bother? Get out of here.
29:36
Why bother? So you leave that for them on Christmas
29:40
Eve. Oh. And they'd protect your farm for another
29:43
year. Are they Santa Claus? Well, they have the
29:47
hats. And beards. Yeah, that's true. But they're
29:51
very tiny. Tiny Santa Claus. Little tiny Santa
29:56
Claus. But, however, if you neglected to do so,
30:03
to leave them some porridge with butter. Porridge,
30:06
please. At best, they would just leave. Okay.
30:11
And they wouldn't do any of their... protecting
30:13
or care anymore that would be best at worst okay
30:18
they would either kill a farmer's best cow oh
30:22
no or create other kinds of mischief to make
30:25
your life very very difficult fair so they're
30:28
like elves yeah which honestly a lot of these
30:32
words kind of blend together when you look at
30:37
like how they're acting and what we call them
30:39
now that's fair a lot of these different named
30:42
beings seem very very similar okay yeah i mean
30:46
that makes sense like an elf kind of looks like
30:49
a gnome yeah gnome kind of looks like an elf
30:51
but then it's also it's weird because when you
30:53
jump into it there's different kinds of elves
30:55
right which it's like it's bizarre world in there
30:58
yeah that's fair yeah yeah and a lot of it is
31:02
because of language right it's like well depending
31:06
on where the the lore was established yeah they're
31:12
gonna call everything different names true yeah
31:14
okay so and so um there are also other gruesome
31:21
stories about a type of gnome gruesome called
31:24
uh red caps red caps and so they get this name
31:30
because their hats were red Makes sense. Oh,
31:34
I've seen those. But why were their hats red?
31:36
Don't know. So their hats were red because they
31:40
would dip their hats in the blood of their victims.
31:42
Yikes. Gross. And they were also known to wear
31:48
heavy iron boots and be fierce, bloodthirsty,
31:51
killing machines. Wow. They sound like gremlins.
31:54
Yes. And the tale goes that if their hats dried,
32:00
then they would die. Oh, so they had to continue
32:04
to kill. Yeah, just to stay alive. So there's
32:07
life in the blood. 100%. That's biblical. It's
32:12
very biblical. But not the red -hat gnomes. There's
32:15
also some accounts that their beards would also
32:17
be red because they would also eat their victims.
32:20
Well, there you go. Which is like, wait, red
32:23
hair? Interesting. Oh, I didn't even think about
32:26
that. Yeah. But blood -stained hair and red hair
32:30
is different. Yes. Unless it's not. But also,
32:34
if you just saw a guy with a red beard, you'd
32:36
be like, did you eat someone? Yeah, that's true.
32:40
You don't really know. Well, and red with hair
32:43
is more orange. That's true. But, yeah, okay.
32:47
Yeah, so it's very interesting imagery that we're
32:50
given about these little guys. Yeah, I feel like
32:53
there was in the era of the Gremlins movie. Oh,
32:57
yeah. Like 80s, 90s, there was also a movie called
33:00
Gnomes. That was like a horror film. I think
33:04
so. Yeah. Because there was also Leprechaun.
33:07
That was another one. Leprechaun was a scary
33:08
movie. That was terrifying. There was also a
33:10
Disney movie that was like a Disney special that
33:14
was like a leprechaun. Okay. Maybe like playing
33:17
basketball or something. That sounds about right.
33:21
That's how they did it. That sounds about right.
33:23
Let's get a dog to play basketball. Have you
33:28
seen those memes? All right, guys. I've got an
33:29
idea. We did the dog. How about we do a gnome?
33:34
Have you seen those videos where it's supposed
33:36
to be the kids playing against Air Bud? No. And
33:39
it's the kids like, please, no, I need this scholarship.
33:44
That's actually awesome. I haven't seen that.
33:47
I saw another one. It was like, imagine you're
33:50
like a divorced single dad. It's your one weekend
33:54
to see your kid play basketball and he loses
33:57
to a golden retriever. Oh, that's awesome. I
34:02
was like, that's hilarious. Yeah. Also fair.
34:06
These red calves. Okay. So they were known to
34:09
be present in abandoned castles, particularly
34:13
ones that had a lot of, I'll just say, atrocities
34:18
taking place there. Fair. By the gnomes. Undisclosed.
34:25
Undisclosed. But they would definitely commit
34:28
a lot more. Yeah, fair. Okay. But then, let's
34:33
get back to garden gnomes here. Garden gnomes.
34:36
By the 1800s, Europe was falling in love with
34:41
folklore, and the Brothers Grimm collected fairy
34:43
tales. Yeah, yeah. They loved collecting fairy
34:45
tales. They did, yeah. An artist filled forests
34:48
with dwarves, elves, trolls, and woodland spirits.
34:52
And then, so the German illustrators began depicting
34:56
these creatures in remarkably familiar ways.
34:59
Yeah. Or just illustrators. Right, right, right.
35:01
Not even specifically German. Fair. Just illustrators.
35:04
Okay. And they would be old men, long white beards,
35:08
heavy boots, earth -colored clothing, and pointed
35:12
red hats. So this is when the old white guy came
35:16
in. Yes. Okay, fair. Yes. And so this image eventually
35:20
became the garden gnome that we know today. Okay.
35:24
Interesting. I mean, it is like Eastern Europe.
35:26
Yeah, yeah. So that's fair. And then around the
35:30
mid -1800s, potters in Germany began producing
35:34
terracotta statues called garden dwarves. Okay.
35:38
They represented helpful earth spirits watching
35:42
over gardens. People believed they protected
35:44
crops, livestock, and property. And by the 1840s,
35:48
they started becoming very popular and fashionable
35:51
in other parts of the world. Huh. So they lost
35:56
their power. Yeah. They just kind of became like
36:00
a trend. You know, I haven't paralleled this
36:05
before, but the way that people wear a cross
36:09
on their necklace, I feel like we did that with
36:13
every heavy spiritual thing. 100%. We just like
36:17
took something that like 300 years ago, we would
36:22
have never let this thing into our house. Yes.
36:24
And we have like 10 of them. Yeah. Because it's
36:28
cute. It's become decoration. Yeah. It's lost
36:31
its meaning. Yes. But it isn't different. Yes.
36:37
So that's weird. Great segue. Great segue. Yeah.
36:46
Well, so it's interesting because I think today
36:49
when we think of gnomes, that's like a very,
36:51
very brief history. Yes. We could do like probably
36:54
three episodes just on each of those rabbit holes.
36:57
Yeah. But this is not a gnome podcast. It sure
37:00
is not. Well, so it's interesting because today
37:05
when we hear that word, it's just kind of like,
37:07
ha ha, fun. Right. But it's like, oh, wait, no,
37:10
the history behind these things. Yeah. Because
37:12
they weren't called gnomes originally. That was
37:14
a creation based on all these other traditions.
37:18
Yeah. It's like, oh, these are actually like,
37:20
at worst, very gruesome warriors. Yeah. And at
37:26
best, they were kind of like helpful, mischievous
37:29
things. Right. Yeah, so they were never necessarily
37:33
good. Yeah. They were very neutral creatures.
37:37
Yeah, or like annoying at best. Yeah. Yeah, that's
37:41
true. So they were like jokesters. Yeah. Or they
37:45
were like murderous killers. 100%. Bloodthirsty
37:49
killers. And there's a lot of stories about all
37:51
of those. Yeah, that's fair. Which is weird because
37:53
now we see like a jolly short Santa Claus basically
37:57
gnome with a red hat. And it's like I've never
38:00
thought about the fact that the reason why its
38:03
hat is red is because it... just killed someone
38:07
and soaked its hat in their blood. It's like,
38:10
oh my gosh. Yeah, let me take care of your cucumbers
38:15
for you. Next time I go into Ace Hardware, I'll
38:19
be like, hey, who put a red hat gnome out here?
38:23
Do you guys know what this is? Make the sign
38:25
of the cross. You have a murderous gnome out
38:29
here. Did you know this? Did you catch that?
38:31
Who allowed this in here? Sir, that's just like
38:37
a garden gnome. You'd think that, wouldn't you?
38:41
Well, what color is its hat, sir? Do you know
38:43
why? You'd be that guy. That hat is not red for
38:47
no reason. There's a reason it's red. We always
38:51
get back to Seinfeld. What's the deal with the
38:53
red hat? Well, so what's interesting is because
39:00
today... talking about modern times, is like,
39:03
yeah, we think it's just this fun little object
39:06
that's just kind of, you know, doesn't really
39:09
mean anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a
39:11
cute thing to occupy your garden. Yeah, yeah.
39:14
But there's a demon inside. There are, yeah,
39:18
there are modern stories. Like, from today to
39:23
like 10 years ago. Okay. Pick as many as you
39:26
want between then. And that talk about how, I've
39:34
seen multiple stories about this. Yeah. I read
39:36
a lot of stories about this. Okay. Where they
39:39
removed gnomes that were previously in their
39:42
garden. Yes. They just took them out like, I
39:44
don't like this anymore. Yeah. And the next day,
39:46
all their plants are dead. What? Like the next
39:50
day. The next day. That's crazy. Isn't that wild?
39:53
That is wild. So that gnome was actually taking
39:57
care of the garden. Yeah. I hope they made a
40:00
killer porridge. And caused mischief. Well, they
40:03
just didn't add butter. That's the problem. Actually,
40:07
there is a specific story about that. No way.
40:10
Where this was back. whenever these stories happen
40:15
when people leave butter out for these, porridge
40:17
and butter, where she wanted to play a prank
40:19
on the prankster. And she put the butter at the
40:22
bottom instead of the top. Oh no. And so the
40:25
gnome thought that he had gotten slighted. Or
40:29
the niecey is what it would have been. So he
40:32
killed their best cow. Oh no. And then went and
40:35
ate the porridge and realized, oh there's butter
40:37
in here, it's at the bottom. And then he felt
40:40
bad, so then he went and stole the neighbor's
40:42
cow and brought it over. That's insane. Yeah.
40:46
I mean, good save, though. Yeah, but it's like,
40:48
what about the neighbor now? You better hope
40:51
that he forgot butter. Well, yeah, the neighbor
40:53
didn't give. Yeah, what if the gnome over at
40:56
the neighbor's house got butter? They created
40:59
a Ponzi scheme is what they did. And then he
41:00
went and stole back the cow. Yeah. It was like
41:05
a Ponzi scheme. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious.
41:09
But then, unfortunately, I've read a lot of stories
41:13
about this as well, where they get a little bit
41:17
more terrifying, where people will be receiving
41:22
dreams where an old woman or the gnome itself
41:27
will visit them and request offerings of food.
41:31
I don't like that. Not good. And so there's a
41:36
lot of superstition around them, especially in
41:39
like the, I guess you say the witchcraft space.
41:43
Yeah, fair. Where they'll say like, yeah, you
41:49
should offer them something. Like give them food,
41:51
but don't give them like anything big. Yeah.
41:54
Because then they'll expect it and they'll want
41:56
something more and more and more. Huh, okay.
41:58
So if you're gonna offer them food, which you
42:00
should, is what they say. If you have a gnome,
42:04
you should give it an offering, but keep it small
42:07
and don't get any bigger than that. Otherwise,
42:10
it'll get crazy. Right, because if you give a
42:13
gnome a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk. And
42:16
that's exactly what they do. Because this part
42:19
is actually very sad. I've heard multiple stories
42:22
that happened within the last three years. That's
42:25
crazy. Of this, where someone will get visited
42:29
in the night by their garden gnome or an old
42:31
woman. And he'll be like, hey, I'd really like
42:34
a chocolate cake. Sounds ridiculous. Yeah. It
42:38
does sound ridiculous. It does. And then the
42:41
guy's like, okay, cool. So he gives him a cake.
42:43
Yeah. A chocolate cake. And then the gnome's
42:46
like, hey, that was really good. What do you
42:47
want? Ooh. And the person's like, well, I'd like
42:51
some money. Yeah. And then the next day, and
42:55
I've read this story. This is a real story from
42:57
a human. Okay. And then the next day, the person
43:00
will say. Or they'll be like, yeah, I'd like
43:02
some money. So then all of a sudden, like business
43:05
deals will start working out. Wow. And they just
43:08
start getting money. Yeah. Or if the guy was
43:11
like, yeah, I would like a Ferrari. Okay. Somehow,
43:14
some way. No way. They'll get a Ferrari. No way.
43:18
Whether it's like, hey, there's this crazy sale
43:20
on a Ferrari. It's only five grand. You know,
43:22
whatever it might be. Yeah. Somehow they will
43:25
get a Ferrari. That's crazy. And then it keeps
43:28
building and building and building. Yeah. Until
43:30
one day the gnome will say, yeah, I want your
43:34
firstborn son. Okay. That's a problem. Yes. Okay.
43:42
Or there's been other sides of it where they'll
43:44
be like, yeah, I want a wife. Huh. Which is also
43:47
fascinating. Can you just get a girl gnome? Well,
43:51
they say who they want, and it's usually one
43:52
of their daughters. And if they refuse to give
43:57
them their son or their daughter. Okay. What
44:02
ends up happening, this part is very, very sad
44:04
because this has happened in real life. Okay.
44:07
If they refuse to give them that offering, whoever
44:11
they were requesting will wind up not alive anymore.
44:17
Oh, no. And it's usually by some kind of self
44:20
-harm. Oh, okay. So it's like, that's a dark
44:26
turn. That is a dark turn. It's not cute. No,
44:29
but that also goes all the way back to the original
44:31
gnome stores you were talking about. Yes. And
44:34
it goes even further back than that to even like
44:37
with Moloch. Okay. Or Baal. It's like, what did
44:41
they want at the end of the day? They want you
44:43
to give them blood. Right. Yeah. It's like the,
44:48
yeah, that's. But to be fair, garden gnome. Yeah.
44:53
From dust we were made, from dust we will return.
44:56
Yes. That's true. Well, so it's also interesting
45:03
because this reading about these reminded me,
45:06
are you familiar with Rumpelstiltskin? I am,
45:08
but real quick. Yeah. Has there ever been a gnome
45:11
success story? In what way? That like they figured
45:16
out how to appease the gnome and get out of the
45:19
deal? Usually that's by exorcism. Oh, okay. Yeah.
45:25
So yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. So there's been
45:28
people that have been like, hey. Hey, I'm scared
45:30
now. Hey, priest, come get this whatever out
45:34
of this. Can you get this gnome out of here?
45:37
That's fair. Yeah. Keeping priests in business.
45:41
Yeah, it's terrifying. But also, could you imagine
45:44
that call? Yeah. Hey, so I got a gnome that's
45:47
trying to kill my son. But I don't think that
45:49
would be that weird. That's fair. So, like, have
45:53
we talked about this? So every diocese within
45:57
the Catholic Church, so globally, everything
46:01
is split up into dioceses and regions and things
46:03
like that. Every diocese has an exorcist. So
46:10
there's, like, currently, there's, like, an exorcist
46:14
of, The greater Orlando area. Oh, okay. Yeah.
46:19
So even though regionally we're not in the Orlando
46:24
area where we live, if we needed an exorcist...
46:29
You could call them there. There's one in Orlando.
46:33
That's so interesting. So if you're ever visiting
46:36
Disney World and you need an exorcist, there's
46:39
one there. Which, I mean... If you see enough
46:42
gnomes... I feel like you have to be Catholic,
46:44
though, to get the... Or maybe a Catholic would
46:47
have to call them. Fair. So if you know a Catholic
46:50
who can call the exorcists... Get on that if
46:53
you need it. Yeah. But I know they're very particular.
46:57
They do a lot of interviews to... That's true.
46:59
Be like, do you actually need an exorcism? That's
47:01
true. And that's fair. I would do that. I think
47:05
so. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't just take it at face
47:06
value. No, no. You can't just make any house
47:10
call. No. It's like Susan's calling again. Okay.
47:16
We got to stop. Susan, it's done. We've exercised
47:22
your chair, your gnome, your bed. The gnome needed
47:25
it twice, to be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's
47:27
hilarious. So you mentioned Molech and Old Testament.
47:35
Yeah, actually. Since we're in the Old Testament.
47:39
Okay. Well, we weren't, but let's go there. Well,
47:42
we mentioned it. That's enough. That's enough
47:45
for me to grab. Let's do it. So it's weird. People
47:52
might be thinking like, but also maybe not. Maybe
47:54
it's weird that we're talking about gnomes. Okay.
47:58
Because it's like, well, usually we try to root
47:59
stuff in the Bible. Yeah. And I think like even
48:03
at the face value of it, originally when I was
48:05
starting to look at this was like, Yeah, but
48:08
this is like idolatry. Yeah, yeah. Where it's
48:11
like here is an idol that is possessed by something.
48:15
Correct, it's an empty vessel. And it's requesting
48:18
things that people are doing and it ends up ultimately
48:21
leading to human sacrifice. Yeah. And it's like,
48:24
yeah, that's kind of right in our wheelhouse.
48:26
Yes. Yeah, and it's not like - Let's talk about
48:29
that. Yeah, and it's not like, it's not technically
48:32
the gnome. Well, it's not the gnome doing it.
48:35
Right, right. The gnome is a vessel. 100%. So
48:43
interesting. There are vessels. Yes. And I think
48:46
it's like for me when I was looking at this,
48:49
it was like, yeah, this is kind of like a modern
48:50
form of the bull. It's like it's a golden calf.
48:53
Right. We're just calling it a garden gnome.
48:55
Exactly. But you want money from it. Yes. You
48:58
want your crops to grow. Yeah. Imagine getting
49:00
that $10 ,000 master's gnome. Yeah. It probably
49:04
wants a lot. This isn't St. Augustine. I need
49:10
better grass. Get some sod in here. This is not
49:12
St. Augustine. You know the grass. Or is it just
49:22
Augustine? Why did I throw a saint in there?
49:27
It's just Augustine grass, isn't it? Yes, it's
49:30
Augustine grass. I'm going everywhere. It's Augustine
49:34
grass. You can't call it Augustine. No, especially
49:38
not St. Augustine. No, you can't do that. St.
49:41
Augustine grass. Also, the place that the Masters
49:43
is is Augusta. Oh, that's true. So I was like,
49:47
what are we doing right now? There's like three
49:50
or four things on top of each other. No, I just
49:51
made a mistake. That's all that is. But that
49:55
is kind of funny. Like Augusta, Georgia, St.
49:59
Augustine, Augustine grass. Augustine grass.
50:05
That's what I meant to say. Yes. Word association.
50:08
That's incredible. That is really. I'm so used
50:10
to making fun of St. Augustine. I know. Just
50:13
rolled off the tongue. I know. It's his grass.
50:15
It's not his grass. But so here's the other thing
50:18
that's interesting. Okay. And this is very debated.
50:22
Okay. And it's very speculative. Yeah. Because
50:26
there's no real answer to it. Cool. But there's
50:31
a passage in Ezekiel 2711. Okay. Which is the
50:35
passage. Okay. 2711. And it refers to a group
50:41
of warriors that were protecting this watchtower.
50:44
Okay. They were in the watchtower. Got it. And
50:48
they were called the Gamma Dean. Okay. The Gamma
50:52
Dean. But in the passage, everything says like
50:54
warriors from Gamad. Okay. And so most modern
50:59
translators don't translate this word. So you
51:02
would just see Gamad in the actual passage. Okay.
51:05
You look it up. But in a lot of commentaries,
51:09
they'll say it means men of valor. Like, oh,
51:12
these are just mighty warriors. Okay. However,
51:15
some argue. Yeah. That based on the root word.
51:21
That is referring to dwarves. Huh. Because the
51:26
root word that they argue means cubit. Yes. Which
51:30
would have been about 18 inches tall. Got it.
51:33
And so their linguistic association is saying
51:36
that based on the root, it's calling these 18
51:40
inch tall warriors. Whoa. Yeah. Well, also like
51:44
mighty men. I know. The gibberim. Yes. Yes. And
51:49
what did you say they were called? Gamma Dean.
51:52
They're Gamma Deans. Yeah. Which is like. Which
51:55
is a mini gibbering. Which honestly, based on
52:00
the lore, the dwarves made swords for the giants.
52:07
Oh, okay. Which is kind of fascinating in that
52:10
light. Yeah, that is. That's really interesting.
52:12
And also with this, which is fascinating based
52:15
on tradition. Yeah. And this is a backing that
52:18
a lot of. the linguists that would argue this
52:21
fall back onto, is that in the Vulgate, the word
52:29
that is translated for Gamad, or Gamadine, is
52:34
pygmy, or pygmy is what we would say today. And
52:39
so that translates to dwarf. It's like, well,
52:44
why did the Vulgate choose dwarf? Or a pygmy.
52:48
And so that word is only used once in the Bible.
52:52
Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting.
52:55
I love that show. But yeah, so no one actually
53:00
has any context because we've only seen it one
53:02
time in Ezekiel, as far as scripture goes. Yeah.
53:06
And so they're like, we don't actually know any
53:08
context to these because it doesn't give us any.
53:10
That's pretty wild. It just tells us they're
53:12
in a watchtower. Say it one more time, the name
53:14
of it. Gamma Dean. Gamma Dean. So the Gamadine
53:18
made swords for the Gibbereme. Well, we don't
53:22
know that. Is part of the lore. But the lore
53:25
of dwarves. Yes. Yes, they made swords for the
53:29
giants. And then Jerome translates it in the
53:31
Vulgate to pygmy. Yeah, which means dwarf. Right,
53:35
but the, not Gibbereme, the. Gamadine. Gamadine
53:41
means cubit. Yes. Like singular. The root of
53:45
that word. Not that word specifically, but the
53:48
root of that word. Okay. Yeah. That's crazy.
53:51
Okay. Which is kind of crazy. It is. So that
53:53
word is only in there once. Yes. Wow. Ezekiel
53:58
2711. Dude, Ezekiel is chock full. Ezekiel is
54:02
wild. And so for me, it was just kind of a weird
54:05
thing where I'm just like, okay, these aren't
54:07
talked about in the Bible at all, which to be
54:08
fair, maybe still not. Right, right, right. But
54:12
it's like... these are things that pop up across
54:15
all cultures yeah and so it's like this kind
54:18
of means something yeah and then we look at well
54:20
what are they doing and it's like not good yeah
54:23
yeah that's that's pretty wild yeah and so it's
54:27
like at wait but even then you're talking about
54:29
like there was other lore of like abandoned castles
54:33
and the gnomes being in those castles that's
54:36
the other vicious yeah And so that also kind
54:39
of lines up with that Ezekiel passage. If in
54:41
scripture they're in a watchtower. Yes. Guarding.
54:43
Yes. It's like, well, the gnomes were guardians.
54:47
Right. Yeah. That's, yeah, that's pretty wild.
54:51
It's pretty, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of insane.
54:54
Everything comes from something. Yes. 100%. That's
54:58
wild. Yeah. And so it's like a, it's a long path
55:02
because there's a lot that I left out. Yeah.
55:04
in this talk, but I kind of want to just draw
55:06
those quick connections and like the easy, I
55:09
guess the easy warning to take a more like, hey,
55:15
let's be careful here, is like idolatry can look
55:19
in a lot of different ways. Does that have to
55:20
be a golden calf? Yes. Yeah, an empty vessel
55:24
can be anything. Yes. And the only way to stop
55:30
that process would be through prayer. Yeah. And
55:34
really, if you're Catholic, it would be through
55:37
your exorcist, through your local exorcist. Yeah.
55:41
If you're Protestant, then it would be the name
55:43
of Jesus. Yeah. It's a little easier if you're
55:47
Protestant. Well, in some ways. Yeah, that's
55:51
fair. Because, I mean, I think that's the other
55:52
thing, too, which is to say, because there's
55:55
a lot of people in all kinds of walks of life
55:58
that recognize that there's power in the name
56:01
of Jesus. That's true. Or power in just the Bible
56:04
itself. Right. And so they'll use it as like,
56:08
to use more of this language, like a talisman.
56:11
Of like, well, if I've got a Bible under my bed,
56:14
if something creepy happens and I say Jesus,
56:16
then I'm safe. Yeah. But it's like, there's no,
56:18
and this is kind of a weird, you might have to
56:21
correct me in how I'm saying this. Okay. Because
56:23
I know you'll know what I mean. Yeah, okay. I
56:25
might not say what I mean. Okay. Is like, yeah,
56:28
like the name Jesus has no power. Hmm. But there's
56:34
power in the name of Jesus. Yes. But you have
56:36
to be in Christ to access its power. Right. And
56:43
it's not that you have access to it. It's like,
56:46
no, you're covered in it. Does that make any
56:49
sense? It does, mainly because, yeah. So, like,
56:54
I would still say that there is power in the
57:00
name of Jesus. Yeah. In the actual name. Only
57:04
because like some will cast out demons in my
57:10
name and I'll say I never knew you. Yeah, I think
57:12
that's true. And people tried to buy the power.
57:16
Yeah. Of the Holy Spirit basically at work through
57:20
the name of Jesus use. Yeah. So I think someone
57:25
who doesn't believe in Jesus calling on the name
57:28
of Jesus in a moment. is an act of faith yes
57:31
and so what you said is true and also they're
57:38
kind of using a lightsaber without having the
57:42
force yeah right and i guess so it's like it's
57:45
too much power for them yeah no that's fair does
57:50
that make sense yeah and it was i guess the reason
57:52
i said that and i probably said it too definitively
57:55
what is because no no it's fair though And it's
57:59
because just because you used it doesn't mean
58:01
anything will happen. Because there are times...
58:05
Yeah, it's not a magic word. Exactly. That's
58:07
what I'm trying to say. Yes. That's it. Yes.
58:09
It's not a magic word. Right. But if you are
58:12
in a moment of desperation and you call upon
58:14
the power of the name of Jesus, then it's likely
58:22
that faith is activated in that moment. Yes.
58:28
And that the Spirit of God would be there in
58:34
power to move on your behalf as a witness to
58:38
you that Jesus is real. Yes. So even in that
58:44
instance, it wouldn't even really be for the
58:47
sake of like, hey, I got this thing to work.
58:52
It's more so that was an opportunity for... Jesus
58:57
by the Holy Spirit in your moment of faith to
59:02
call, even though you had no relationship with
59:04
him, to witness to your heart and create a moment
59:08
and opportunity for you to find salvation. Yeah.
59:11
Right? Yeah. It's an expression of how much God
59:15
loves us. Yes. That even though you've done nothing
59:19
to love him, in your desperate moment, he's still
59:23
like, yeah, I'm still going to show you grace.
59:24
Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. And that could be
59:28
a point of salvation for somebody. 100%. Yeah.
59:31
Yeah. So then really the question is, are gnomes
59:35
in the Bible? And that's one where it'd take
59:39
a lot more research. But let's just say that
59:42
they're not not in the Bible. And if you want
59:45
to begin, Ezekiel 27, 11. Gnomes. Three, two,
59:50
one.