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71. Behind the Mic: The Raw Conversations That Shaped Dear Divorce Diary · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:53
  Dawn Wiggins: Hi, love.
• 0:54
  Dawn Wiggins: This is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:02
  Dawn Wiggins: We cover everything from trauma during and after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:12
  Dawn Wiggins: We're cozy in for the conversations we've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:18
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, producer Joy.
• 1:25
  Producer Joy: Yes, wow, that was awful.
• 1:29
  Dawn Wiggins: We're trying something new today.
• 1:30
  Dawn Wiggins: We are recording our noodling session, which we always do before a podcast, and maybe this turns into a podcast episode and maybe it doesn't.
• 1:38
  Dawn Wiggins: We have no idea.
• 1:39
  Dawn Wiggins: We are on a total adventure right now Twilight Zone, but I'm very excited.
• 1:44
  Dawn Wiggins: No, no, but I have to concentrate on not trying to perform right now, not trying to produce anything.
• 1:50
  Dawn Wiggins: I don't need to be a good girl, I just need to think Okay, so we're talking about recording an episode on understanding emotions and getting unstuck, because we did an episode on this topic the very beginning of season one and it's one of our most popular episodes, which tells us that people need more information on this right, and you had a calling on your heart last week to go back to the basics that we needed to for sure.
• 2:16
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, go back to the basics.
• 2:17
  Dawn Wiggins: So here we are and you know what's so interesting is a year later.
• 2:22
  Dawn Wiggins: It is almost exactly a year later.
• 2:26
  Dawn Wiggins: It's crazy because that would have been August of last.
• 2:29
  Dawn Wiggins: I think August of last year was when we recorded that episode.
• 2:31
  Dawn Wiggins: So this sounds crazy to say, but so much has changed inside of me, even as a healer, Like I have deepened my understanding of how to facilitate healing so much in a year, which is crazy to think.
• 2:49
  Producer Joy: But not for nothing.
• 2:50
  Producer Joy: I think that's what makes you you is like you never want to stop learning.
• 2:54
  Producer Joy: You never want to stop, I know it feels very like powerful to me.
• 3:00
  Dawn Wiggins: I don't mean that you know I think about you a lot when I use the word power.
• 3:04
  Dawn Wiggins: You're like my little accountability in my mind.
• 3:07
  Dawn Wiggins: Do you know that?
• 3:11
  Producer Joy: First of all, can I get a shirt that says that like kind of bill buddy?
• 3:16
  Dawn Wiggins: So, like when I'm walking PS, if you follow me on Instagram and you watch my stories, I just posted something about walking as a meditation.
• 3:23
  Dawn Wiggins: But when I'm walking and I'm thinking and I'm meditating and I think about saying something to the people, our people, I think about what would you always say about this?
• 3:34
  Dawn Wiggins: What?
• 3:35
  Producer Joy: would you?
• 3:35
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, how would you respond to me?
• 3:36
  Dawn Wiggins: And then it helps me, like, be accountable to make sure that I've really thought something through.
• 3:42
  Dawn Wiggins: So I was walking and thinking about this personal power thing, right, because so much of what has us neurotic and mentally ill and depressed and grieving and sick is we've, we've given our personal power away, and there's so much that can be said about that.
• 4:06
  Dawn Wiggins: But, like I promise you, at the root of all pain is having given away personal power.
• 4:12
  Dawn Wiggins: But then I think about, well, joy, but joy, would say.
• 4:14
  Dawn Wiggins: But what about God?
• 4:15
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, like, is my power really in me and my flesh, or is it in or does it come from God?
• 4:21
  Dawn Wiggins: And I'm off topic right now.
• 4:28
  Producer Joy: I know that but sometimes that's where the magic happens.
• 4:32
  Producer Joy: I know, right, okay.
• 4:34
  Dawn Wiggins: So, yes, it's my God given personal power.
• 4:37
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, I don't, because when I'm in my egoic power I destroy.
• 4:42
  Dawn Wiggins: I don't just mean me like I mean us right yeah, the flesh.
• 4:46
  Producer Joy: So when?
• 4:47
  Dawn Wiggins: I'm saying this is for anyone who ever hears me talk.
• 4:49
  Dawn Wiggins: Forever and ever.
• 4:50
  Dawn Wiggins: Amen until I don't know, unless, unless I send you an updated memo.
• 4:54
  Dawn Wiggins: When I say personal power, I I really mean as derived from God dwelling within.
• 5:00
  Dawn Wiggins: I don't mean like of my ego, because I can so see through the timeline of my life and the timeline through human history.
• 5:08
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, right, like egos are what cause worse.
• 5:11
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, absolutely.
• 5:12
  Dawn Wiggins: So that's not what I mean.
• 5:14
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, I mean God dwelling within.
• 5:18
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, I also had this thought.
• 5:21
  Dawn Wiggins: Oh, when I went to the bathroom earlier, I told you I was going to say it and then I didn't say it.
• 5:24
  Producer Joy: Mm.
• 5:25
  Producer Joy: Yeah, oh, does this need to be not on camera?
• 5:27
  Producer Joy: No, no, no, no, no, I was so curious what your response would be.
• 5:30
  Dawn Wiggins: But you remember how we recorded that episode about sanctification and how Jackie Hopper inspired me in that conversation about sanctification and she said in there that some of us are so capable and so self reliant and so, whatever, right, that we have to go pretty, we have to fall pretty far before we like lean back into God.
• 5:51
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:52
  Dawn Wiggins: And so as I was walking and thinking and meditating the other day, I was thinking about homeopathy and its role in healing us and me.
• 6:04
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, and like is homeopathy for me and I don't know, maybe for other people, like the final frontier of realizing that I can't do it without God, and like I couldn't think my way out of any of it, which, like that's, that's we.
• 6:24
  Dawn Wiggins: We understand that these days, right, right, we can't think ourselves well, right.
• 6:27
  Dawn Wiggins: And one of my favorite movies from childhood was the one with the nothing in a tray you Never Ending Story and the old crone on the mountain, said you.
• 6:39
  Dawn Wiggins: It's got to hurt to heal.
• 6:40
  Dawn Wiggins: You got to feel your way through healing, yeah, yeah, but like even for me that none of that was enough.
• 6:46
  Dawn Wiggins: I needed material from God's earth paired to stimulate healing, like I needed something outside of me, god given outside of me.
• 7:02
  Producer Joy: So so let me so explain to your listeners what homeopathy is in your words.
• 7:13
  Producer Joy: Like because you've used that term before and you've got something on your blog post about what homeopathy is.
• 7:18
  Producer Joy: But, like for the listeners who haven't clicked onto your link, yeah, yeah, so we actually updated our consent forms, nice.
• 7:27
  Dawn Wiggins: This week and we updated our consent forms to include homeopathy.
• 7:31
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, because it's something that I've just built in.
• 7:35
  Dawn Wiggins: Now, when you work with me one-to-one, like it's part of the process automatically.
• 7:38
  Dawn Wiggins: And when I went to review the updated consent form that our integrator prepared for me, I was so impressed with it because it may.
• 7:54
  Dawn Wiggins: To me, it made homeopathy sounds so like duh, but I feel like it is.
• 7:59
  Dawn Wiggins: It's shrouded in mystery.
• 8:01
  Producer Joy: Right, and there's so many people that never even heard the term, never even heard of it, that more people than not.
• 8:05
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, sometimes when I say to people have you heard of Arnica?
• 8:07
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, They've heard of Arnica, but it still doesn't.
• 8:10
  Producer Joy: Yeah, yeah, okay, because Arnica happens to be homeopathy.
• 8:12
  Producer Joy: It's not a trendy word.
• 8:13
  Producer Joy: It's like was it Ashwanda?
• 8:16
  Producer Joy: Ashwaganda, Ashwaganda, yeah like I feel like everybody's heard of Ashwaganda.
• 8:20
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, that's an adaptogen.
• 8:21
  Dawn Wiggins: Is it homeopathic?
• 8:22
  Dawn Wiggins: It could be used homeopathically.
• 8:23
  Dawn Wiggins: Could be used to any natural.
• 8:26
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, what is homeopathy?
• 8:27
  Dawn Wiggins: It's energy medicine.
• 8:33
  Dawn Wiggins: So it's energy medicine where we pair a bit of natural material derived from nature it could be a plant, animal or mineral material and we find a material in nature that matches nearly identically the energy signature of your symptoms.
• 8:59
  Dawn Wiggins: So the energy signature of my symptoms has a matching energy signature in nature.
• 9:05
  Dawn Wiggins: And when I take that remedy it stimulates the mind, body to release what has been stuck, because symptoms are a natural part of healing.
• 9:16
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, you slam your finger in the door, your finger gets red and hot and it throbs and it gets flooded with white blood cells and we understand that that is healing happening.
• 9:25
  Dawn Wiggins: And so when something becomes chronic or repetitive and it doesn't complete its healing process like the finger, we watch it within a matter of hours or days it completes its healing process.
• 9:34
  Dawn Wiggins: So what we experience as mental health symptoms is stuck healing processes, healing processes that have not resolved to completion, and we've been told by so many people that that's just what it is to be human is to have stuck healing processes.
• 9:50
  Producer Joy: Hard to deal with that.
• 9:52
  Dawn Wiggins: And so we're like okay, chronic resentment, chronic anxiety, chronic depression, grief that hangs around, even in the I've referenced this loosely on the pod before but that grief that lasts for decades.
• 10:05
  Dawn Wiggins: People will say like, oh, it never leaves you.
• 10:07
  Dawn Wiggins: I don't believe that.
• 10:09
  Dawn Wiggins: That's a.
• 10:10
  Dawn Wiggins: It probably pisses people off that concept, but we were never meant to be stuck in healing processes forever.
• 10:18
  Dawn Wiggins: And so what a well-paired homeopathic remedy does is it takes these matching energy signatures and it stimulates all of that to unstick.
• 10:30
  Dawn Wiggins: It's so powerful Now it can be uncomfortable.
• 10:34
  Dawn Wiggins: That's the other thing I think about why homeopathy struggles to gain popularity, other than it would completely dismantle the pharmaceutical system.
• 10:41
  Dawn Wiggins: I didn't say that.
• 10:42
  Dawn Wiggins: I think because when we take a remedy, sometimes it comes with some discomfort because it's stimulating all that stuff that's been stuck.
• 10:53
  Dawn Wiggins: And so what are you getting?
• 10:54
  Dawn Wiggins: You're getting like a symptom flare, let's call it.
• 10:57
  Dawn Wiggins: In traditional medicine we think of that as side effects.
• 11:00
  Dawn Wiggins: I take a drug, the drug has side effects.
• 11:01
  Dawn Wiggins: It causes a secondary symptom.
• 11:03
  Dawn Wiggins: That's actually not what homeopathy does at all, but we're used to.
• 11:07
  Dawn Wiggins: In traditional Western medicine we're used to taking a medication and it quiets a symptom.
• 11:12
  Dawn Wiggins: Maybe it causes eventually a secondary symptom, but we're used to getting fairly immediate relief.
• 11:18
  Dawn Wiggins: And homeopathy is kind of the opposite.
• 11:21
  Dawn Wiggins: It's like we unstick this thing so that it can continue its healing journey.
• 11:24
  Dawn Wiggins: But that means you're gonna experience symptoms, because symptoms are a part of healing.
• 11:29
  Dawn Wiggins: So I think we're a little entitled.
• 11:32
  Dawn Wiggins: Sometimes we like being comfortably numb.
• 11:34
  Dawn Wiggins: We've been trained to be comfortably numb, comfortably numb.
• 11:37
  Dawn Wiggins: So when we take a homeopathic remedy we've ceased to be comfortably numb.
• 11:41
  Dawn Wiggins: We feel some temporary discomfort while our body completes the healing process.
• 11:44
  Dawn Wiggins: See, as I say it back to you, it just makes so much sense to me.
• 11:48
  Dawn Wiggins: But is that because I've been immersing myself in it for the last nine months?
• 11:52
  Producer Joy: No, it's like the teenager who has a skin breakout and you start using.
• 11:56
  Producer Joy: You know, like any dermatologist will tell you like, okay, you start using this, you're gonna temporarily see a worse breakout because you're pulling all that out.
• 12:03
  Producer Joy: And then so like it makes sense to someone who isn't as schooled as I mean I'm.
• 12:10
  Producer Joy: You know we live life together, so I'm coming along on this ride with me.
• 12:15
  Producer Joy: I've been on this journey with you but I haven't read the books, I haven't done any of the training or anything so like.
• 12:21
  Producer Joy: But in general I get the concept of momentarily making it worse before it gets better.
• 12:28
  Dawn Wiggins: Makes sense, an expression of what has been suppressed.
• 12:31
  Dawn Wiggins: So for me it's been such a game changer because I am a suppressor.
• 12:36
  Dawn Wiggins: It's like I'm a suppressor and whether I was taught to suppress definitely right.
• 12:42
  Dawn Wiggins: Or whether that's how I popped out of the vagina.
• 12:44
  Dawn Wiggins: Genetically, you know maybe a bit of both.
• 12:47
  Dawn Wiggins: I'm a suppressor, and so it's so hard because it's you've got to feel it to heal it.
• 12:55
  Dawn Wiggins: It's gotta hurt to heal right, and so I struggle so much to get into those feeling spaces, and so homeopathy has done for me that which I could not seem to do for myself.
• 13:11
  Dawn Wiggins: So, and I think about how, even when I reach my human limits, how in God's world, all has been provided.
• 13:24
  Dawn Wiggins: All of this is such a soothing thought and it does help me feel more powerful, and not because of ego.
• 13:29
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, I can now very clearly see the distinction between ego and tapping into the power that God offers by living within me, if I tune into that, and it's a bottomless well of power.
• 13:44
  Producer Joy: And that's like so, so on, like it's so on.
• 13:49
  Producer Joy: Point Like, if, if, if we believe scripture in that he created all things and all good things are perfect, why wouldn't he give us Right the perfect world to self heal and to Literally like we're living in the Garden of Eden and we get to choose whether or not we experience it as Eden or as hell.
• 14:09
  Producer Joy: Yeah.
• 14:10
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, like either we live in our egos or we lived tapped into that endless well of power and like it literally life becomes.
• 14:18
  Dawn Wiggins: I don't want to call it perfect, but because even in the Garden of Eden I don't know, did they have to pull weeds?
• 14:24
  Dawn Wiggins: I don't know.
• 14:25
  Producer Joy: I mean they definitely did after sin, but then they were kicked out of the Garden.
• 14:29
  Producer Joy: But I get what you're saying, like you're not.
• 14:31
  Producer Joy: You're not wrong.
• 14:32
  Producer Joy: You know what I was.
• 14:33
  Dawn Wiggins: I felt I sent this to you.
• 14:34
  Dawn Wiggins: Wow, we are off track.
• 14:35
  Dawn Wiggins: I sent this, I sent you Jordan Peterson's Instagram page this weekend because I don't know what rock I've been living under, but I had never heard of Jordan Peterson.
• 14:44
  Dawn Wiggins: And now I'm going to say this totally wild thing.
• 14:46
  Dawn Wiggins: Jordan Peterson, if you're listening, you're like a modern day Jesus, right, but why wouldn't there be modern day Jesuses, right?
• 14:56
  Dawn Wiggins: Why wouldn't there be certain of us who walk amongst us that are gifted with a deep knowing or understanding or ability to synthesize like God's message?
• 15:05
  Dawn Wiggins: So, jordan Peterson, I don't know.
• 15:07
  Dawn Wiggins: You all followed Jordan Peterson on Instagram.
• 15:09
  Dawn Wiggins: I'm just late to the party, but Jordan Peterson said you know what?
• 15:13
  Dawn Wiggins: And he's, he's a.
• 15:14
  Dawn Wiggins: He was a Harvard psychology professor.
• 15:16
  Dawn Wiggins: So like AKA in theory, like a, like a demigod to me, right?
• 15:24
  Dawn Wiggins: Harvard psychology professor, well educated, well intellectual, well but teaches from biblical principles and talks about patriarchy, the way that patriarchy goes toxic right, the way men are showing up toxically in our culture and what that has done.
• 15:39
  Dawn Wiggins: So I went and asked my husband I'm like, in all the GS young blood reading you've done, does GS talk about Jordan Peterson?
• 15:45
  Dawn Wiggins: But he didn't.
• 15:46
  Dawn Wiggins: It wasn't so interesting, right.
• 15:48
  Dawn Wiggins: But they talk about a lot of similar things.
• 15:50
  Producer Joy: To be fair, I didn't recognize the name.
• 15:51
  Producer Joy: When I pulled him up I was like, oh yeah, I know, Like I've seen stuff like this.
• 15:54
  Producer Joy: You see that guy okay.
• 15:57
  Dawn Wiggins: So Jordan Peterson taught me this weekend, as I was in his rabbit hole of Instagram, that the word sin simply means missing the mark.
• 16:55
  Dawn Wiggins: For those of you that can't see, I'm just watching Joyce's face as she processes Like it just means missing the mark, like I missed the mark, like that is somewhere in the I didn't fact check this right.
• 17:14
  Dawn Wiggins: But, somewhere in his understanding of the language and he I've watched him have conversations with biblical scholars and scholars in the Hebrew and the Greek and the sin means to miss the mark.
• 17:28
  Dawn Wiggins: And so once in the Garden of Eden they did sin, they missed the mark, and then they had to pull weeds.
• 17:38
  Producer Joy: Probably Okay, it doesn't like.
• 17:41
  Producer Joy: Scripture doesn't say then they have to pull weeds, but they said then they had to work the land, Work the land.
• 17:46
  Producer Joy: They had to.
• 17:47
  Producer Joy: Yeah, it was.
• 17:48
  Dawn Wiggins: And that and in that moment, that was also when free will or they always had free will.
• 17:53
  Producer Joy: We were created with free will, free will, yeah.
• 17:56
  Producer Joy: So so what all?
• 17:58
  Dawn Wiggins: that says to me oh, I just banged the mic, sorry, friends, but what all that says to me is we are never fully satisfied with being happy all the time Like.
• 18:11
  Dawn Wiggins: Without contrast, there is no growth.
• 18:14
  Producer Joy: Mm-hmm, I know, that's so good.
• 18:19
  Dawn Wiggins: I know, but like we grow through challenge, we experience purpose through challenge.
• 18:23
  Dawn Wiggins: So like I think that as a recovering Christian, Okay.
• 18:28
  Dawn Wiggins: Because I have been coming back around to it quite a bit lately, haven't.
• 18:34
  Producer Joy: I.
• 18:35
  Dawn Wiggins: As a recovering Christian, I think that I always associated the Garden of Eden with like shame and like it felt like I don't know, scary, or like I don't know all the bad feelings that I have associated with growing up in what I might call toxic Christianity.
• 18:51
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, but now as I hear it and I blend it together with the law of attraction, where, in law of attraction, we talk about contrast being an essential part of manifestation turning thoughts into things, of consciously being intentional around what we think and how we feel, and accepting contrast as a beautiful part of the turning thoughts into things.
• 19:16
  Dawn Wiggins: That we cannot, without experiencing things that we don't like, be clear about what we do, like Things that we don't want, being clear about what we do want and how that is so powerful in us sifting and sorting what we want and what we want to manifest.
• 19:29
  Dawn Wiggins: And so when I think about the Garden of Eden, is that like, oh yes, free will gave us contrast, which then gives us the capacity to grow and evolve and choose and live deeper into our purpose.
• 19:43
  Dawn Wiggins: And all of a sudden, the Garden of Eden is like, like, because there are spaces right where the story is like, and then you fucked up.
• 19:50
  Producer Joy: No.
• 19:50
  Dawn Wiggins: But what if she didn't?
• 19:52
  Producer Joy: No, I'm on board with that, like I don't.
• 19:54
  Producer Joy: There was no other outcome than sin.
• 19:57
  Dawn Wiggins: Like it's not.
• 19:57
  Dawn Wiggins: There was no other outcome than missing the mark sometimes Because that's the whole thing.
• 20:02
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah.
• 20:03
  Producer Joy: Right.
• 20:03
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah.
• 20:06
  Producer Joy: OK, but that also gives us a little bit of a like God created us, knowing we were.
• 20:11
  Dawn Wiggins: Knowing, knowing.
• 20:12
  Dawn Wiggins: There's no shame or blame in that.
• 20:14
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, that's amazing.
• 20:17
  Dawn Wiggins: It's very freeing.
• 20:23
  Producer Joy: OK, right, free focus yeah.
• 20:26
  Dawn Wiggins: So our friends need to know more about untangling their feelings so that they can get unstuck.
• 20:31
  Dawn Wiggins: Are there other words that we want to use, because we don't want to have the same title over again.
• 20:35
  Dawn Wiggins: We want to have a fresh title, right.
• 20:37
  Producer Joy: But we want to go back to the basics, like recognizing those.
• 20:39
  Producer Joy: You know what does anxiety look like, like you know.
• 20:43
  Producer Joy: Back to the very bit, to the woman who's partner in just the conversation.
• 20:49
  Producer Joy: Yes, and Google like Self-care.
• 20:53
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, right, right.
• 20:54
  Dawn Wiggins: So like how to heal from divorce.
• 20:55
  Dawn Wiggins: What does that look like?
• 20:56
  Dawn Wiggins: She Googled how to heal from divorce and yeah, what does that look like?
• 21:00
  Producer Joy: What does anxiety look like?
• 21:01
  Producer Joy: What does depression look like?
• 21:02
  Producer Joy: What does basic emotions look like?
• 21:06
  Producer Joy: Because when you're in it it's hard to see.
• 21:10
  Dawn Wiggins: OK, so I really want to use the emotional guidance scale, which I borrow from Law of Attraction and Esther and Abraham Hicks.
• 21:19
  Dawn Wiggins: It's a visual.
• 21:21
  Dawn Wiggins: It's kind of hard to translate visual into.
• 21:26
  Producer Joy: Yeah, but you can link it in show notes.
• 21:28
  Producer Joy: I can link it in show notes and can I read it to them?
• 21:30
  Dawn Wiggins: And do I go in reverse?
• 21:31
  Dawn Wiggins: Do I start at 22 and move up to 1?
• 21:34
  Producer Joy: I would start at 22, for sure.
• 21:35
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, and so can we do a in this episode.
• 21:39
  Dawn Wiggins: Can we just do OK, this is one of those episodes where it's better if you're not driving but it could be driving where you can sit and take a breath and feel your way through this episode with your journal.
• 21:49
  Dawn Wiggins: Maybe this is an interactive episode and maybe that's what the iteration on our first episode is.
• 21:55
  Dawn Wiggins: Is this is more interactive?
• 21:57
  Dawn Wiggins: I wonder if I did an interactive thing in the first one.
• 22:00
  Dawn Wiggins: I bet I did.
• 22:02
  Producer Joy: I think you've.
• 22:02
  Producer Joy: I don't think it was this episode, but yeah, in previous episodes you said this is something that you want to pull over for.
• 22:10
  Dawn Wiggins: I also love explaining how because I definitely didn't do this in episode nine explaining how understanding your emotions is so essential to manifestation.
• 22:24
  Dawn Wiggins: Because we also love the topic of manifestation around here and how can you effectively turn your thoughts into things that you want, rather than what you don't want if you don't understand what you're feeling, right, yeah, because they go hand in hand.
• 22:38
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, so in law of attraction she cues us to tip up, right, like we don't need to go from despair to joy.
• 22:47
  Dawn Wiggins: That's not realistic.
• 22:49
  Dawn Wiggins: But she does talk about being able to go from despair to anger, right that.
• 22:57
  Dawn Wiggins: There's value in going just from despair to anger.
• 22:59
  Dawn Wiggins: The anger is higher on the emotional scale than despair.
• 23:01
  Dawn Wiggins: The anger is higher on the emotional scale than insecurity, right, right.
• 23:06
  Dawn Wiggins: So is that relieving to our friends that are new to this party and they're stuck in despair, to reassure them that anger is actually?
• 23:18
  Dawn Wiggins: a more powerful manifestation tool than despair and security.
• 23:21
  Producer Joy: Yeah.
• 23:25
  Dawn Wiggins: Disappointment.
• 23:26
  Dawn Wiggins: Uh-huh, it's hard to get to disappointment from full blown grief, but then can we maybe sometimes take a look within our day, where we spend moments in full blown grief and moments in disappointment.
• 23:37
  Dawn Wiggins: You mentioned to me earlier that you spent a lot of time in 21.
• 23:42
  Producer Joy: I do OK.
• 23:43
  Dawn Wiggins: So when you look at this card and you say oh.
• 23:45
  Dawn Wiggins: Right.
• 23:46
  Dawn Wiggins: So just seeing it right is powerful.
• 23:48
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, and then is it motivating to you at all for me to say, well, is it worth it?
• 23:54
  Producer Joy: No, but that's what my current default Right default, but also, but I'm aware of it and that's what I'm actively working on.
• 24:02
  Producer Joy: So, like those moments there was actually one just a few moments ago where I felt unworthy to say something or whatever Like that is when Like right here while we were recording.
• 24:14
  Producer Joy: Because that's something I'm actively working against.
• 24:19
  Producer Joy: Yeah yeah.
• 24:20
  Producer Joy: Recognizing it, step one, right, yeah, so recognizing it and I'm like, oh no, I am worthy of saying something, or I am worthy of this feeling that I'm feeling like not being true, like this is negative beliefs, negative whether it came from.
• 24:35
  Producer Joy: I was popped out with it or yeah.
• 24:39
  Dawn Wiggins: So when you felt that, do you think you were in insecurity, guilt, unworthiness, or do you think you were in doubt, which is much higher up the emotional scale?
• 24:48
  Producer Joy: I think I default to 21.
• 24:49
  Producer Joy: But I think that I'm working on it just being doubt, doubt Mm-hmm Love that.
• 24:54
  Dawn Wiggins: That's the whole game, right Right there.
• 24:55
  Dawn Wiggins: Because we do.
• 24:57
  Dawn Wiggins: We all need a roadmap Like it's so much easier with a roadmap.
• 25:01
  Dawn Wiggins: And why does this emotional scale feel like such a roadmap?
• 25:03
  Producer Joy: Because Because it's a tangible thing you can hold in your hand and look at like pulling, especially when you're in fight or flight.
• 25:11
  Dawn Wiggins: Well, we're in fight or flight.
• 25:12
  Dawn Wiggins: We can't like.
• 25:13
  Dawn Wiggins: We're like where should I tip up to on the emotional scale?
• 25:16
  Dawn Wiggins: It's so hard to see.
• 25:16
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, yeah, ok.
• 25:19
  Dawn Wiggins: So in this episode we are acknowledging that Most of our listeners earlier in their healing journey are like between 22 and 19,.
• 25:37
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, oh yeah.
• 25:39
  Dawn Wiggins: Despair and security jealousy hatred Right okay, yeah, and that when they're in those spots they need a roadmap out and they have so much momentum going with these low vibration emotions, but also explain to them what's going on in their body, like when they're in fight or flight.
• 25:58
  Producer Joy: What does that look like?
• 25:59
  Producer Joy: What does that seem like?
• 26:01
  Dawn Wiggins: In their nervous system, mm-hmm.
• 26:02
  Dawn Wiggins: Well, I think it's because we associate monogamous relationships with security.
• 26:15
  Producer Joy: Mm-hmm.
• 26:16
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, so it literally feels like a threat on our survival, mm-hmm.
• 26:20
  Dawn Wiggins: And so also Jordan Peterson talked about this that more women initiate divorce, mm-hmm.
• 26:31
  Producer Joy: It's like staggering effect, like 70% or something like that Is what he said right, yeah.
• 26:36
  Dawn Wiggins: And that we're more vulnerable in the process, right, because we have dependent children and less financial resource typically, and on and on and on.
• 26:43
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, so interesting.
• 26:45
  Dawn Wiggins: We initiate divorces and then feel like it's a threat on our survival and then have to dig out of that hole, mm-hmm.
• 26:52
  Dawn Wiggins: The thing that Jordan Peterson doesn't talk about, though, is well attraction, right, the power, the.
• 26:58
  Dawn Wiggins: I didn't hear in any of his stuff.
• 27:00
  Dawn Wiggins: I didn't hear him talk about the well of power we have access to as women to write that ship of insecurity.
• 27:09
  Dawn Wiggins: Mm-hmm so to me that's like the rest of the message.
• 27:11
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, Like okay, the statistics are staggering.
• 27:13
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, but let's not let that bog us down.
• 27:16
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, Because it doesn't have to limit us Right.
• 27:21
  Producer Joy: What's your thought there?
• 27:22
  Producer Joy: Well, I mean so it's just a vicious cycle.
• 27:29
  Producer Joy: You know, like you have the GSM Bloods who identify the lack of leadership, the lack of masculinity and relationships and like, if you're in that type of relationship, and what a woman must have endured?
• 27:44
  Producer Joy: And signed to the point to take on less financial security, take on the responsibility Like even if I turned my heart recently, that was just so like oh you know, like a married single mom.
• 27:59
  Producer Joy: A married single mom Right, so like if you have what pushed her to the point of just like I'd rather be a single mom and I'd rather have less money and less security and less two at this point, then put up with this.
• 28:12
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, well, and I think when you and I dig into the comments, on that Facebook page.
• 28:15
  Dawn Wiggins: A lot of it is about abuse, cheating, a lot of cheating, a lot of abuse.
• 28:26
  Producer Joy: Yeah.
• 28:29
  Dawn Wiggins: I have a handful of these women on my case list right now, right Like married but fantasized about being divorced.
• 28:36
  Dawn Wiggins: But know that what they'd be up against in a divorce is so formidable Meaning in the form of retribution, aggression, like emotional and financial violence, and so they stay and then so much of their work with me is like trying to like be well in that.
• 28:57
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, financial violence, that's like a thing, that must be a term that's out there, but it's not what it should be.
• 29:07
  Producer Joy: I know.
• 29:09
  Dawn Wiggins: Let's Google that later.
• 29:09
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, that was not my story.
• 29:14
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, that was not my story and I'm very grateful for that.
• 29:17
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, so our friends on the pod need a roadmap out of this emotional tailspin and they need some concrete tools.
• 29:30
  Dawn Wiggins: The emotional scale is one, body awareness is another.
• 29:33
  Dawn Wiggins: The emotional scale, body awareness, movement, like if we're gonna keep this super simple, right, right, basics, the emotional scale, body awareness, walking and a journal.
• 29:51
  Producer Joy: Okay, so that's four, four, four basic things that you can tangibly do coming out of the gate.
• 30:00
  Dawn Wiggins: And even if you're in it more advanced stages of healing.
• 30:02
  Dawn Wiggins: Sometimes we cycle back to these basic, basic things.
• 30:05
  Dawn Wiggins: Like you know, like I've been re-engaged with walking lately and I and I mean like, so I've been going further right, rather than just do these three streets, and I've been doing these three streets plus those three streets plus that street, and I get a very different result when I do all the streets than when I only do three.
• 30:22
  Dawn Wiggins: And so, and in going back to those basics and just prioritizing walking and by myself, versus hey, honey, come with me, or hey, producer Joy come with me, or friend in the neighborhood, right, Like I get a very different result.
• 30:39
  Dawn Wiggins: It's much more like tapping into that.
• 30:41
  Producer Joy: Well, of spiritual heart.
• 30:42
  Producer Joy: Listen to the music.
• 30:42
  Producer Joy: You don't listen to you, just no, I don't take my phone, mind Okay.
• 30:47
  Producer Joy: Then how do you like, how do you map your run?
• 30:51
  Dawn Wiggins: Right.
• 30:52
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, because because you know and this is a thing that needs to be said, and I know this may or may not be an episode right now, but I've been talking with my clients this last week about industries, Industries what defines an industry?
• 31:04
  Dawn Wiggins: Because this podcast is part of a wellness industry.
• 31:06
  Dawn Wiggins: Right, it's part of a divorce recovery industry.
• 31:08
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, I am part of an industry.
• 31:10
  Dawn Wiggins: However, I aim to be like, different than the industry, and what do I mean by that?
• 31:15
  Dawn Wiggins: I mean to empower you to such a place that you are not dependent on me, because an industry aims to keep us dependent on them so that their profit margins are bigger.
• 31:26
  Dawn Wiggins: Producer, draw your face.
• 31:29
  Producer Joy: I'm so glad I'm not on camera, cause that was it right there, right.
• 31:34
  Dawn Wiggins: And that's how I want to be different than the industry, because, because I need to be in touch with how much food is too much food for me in this meal.
• 31:43
  Dawn Wiggins: I need to be in touch with how many steps is the right amount of steps and not requiring something to track my steps for me.
• 31:50
  Dawn Wiggins: Ps, I've counted them.
• 31:52
  Dawn Wiggins: I just counted right.
• 31:53
  Dawn Wiggins: You want to know how many steps one of those side roads is?
• 31:55
  Dawn Wiggins: It's like 450.
• 31:57
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, so now I know I don't need to bring my phone.
• 32:01
  Dawn Wiggins: That emits radiation and has notifications I just know how many steps this particular walk is so I can approximate.
• 32:11
  Dawn Wiggins: Like industries endeavor to keep us dependent on them and then not in touch with our intuition, then not in touch with that well of personal power that is God given, and then I'm numb and I can't think for myself and I don't know when truth hits me in the face and I can't connect my own dots and all the shit Like no loves.
• 32:30
  Dawn Wiggins: We are having this conversation because you need access to your personal power.
• 32:35
  Dawn Wiggins: You need to not have to track your steps Like and my favorite online coach right now, maverick online coaching.
• 32:41
  Producer Joy: Oh my God, I'm in the right like Maverick.
• 32:43
  Producer Joy: Come on the pod.
• 32:47
  Dawn Wiggins: Yes, the one of the biggest tools we can do to improve our overall health, according to Maverick, is lift weights, be aware of what we're eating and increase our step count.
• 32:55
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, right, but like, do I have to track it?
• 33:00
  Dawn Wiggins: I mean, maybe for a period of time so I have an understanding, but then the goal is to be able to do it without being dependent.
• 33:07
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, yeah, okay.
• 33:09
  Dawn Wiggins: So, emotional scale, body awareness, a journal and steps yeah, 10,000 steps.
• 33:19
  Dawn Wiggins: That's it, that's their mission.
• 33:22
  Dawn Wiggins: Basics, we'll get you unstuck.
• 33:24
  Dawn Wiggins: Those four things will get you unstuck and get you moving.
• 33:28
  Dawn Wiggins: Like, get you movement not stagnating, not stuck in these right, because low vibration is low movement, low motivation, low energy in the leads in the subject.
• 33:36
  Producer Joy: Yeah, yeah, tipping up.
• 33:40
  Dawn Wiggins: Tipping up.
• 33:41
  Dawn Wiggins: That's it.
• 33:42
  Dawn Wiggins: Do that for two weeks and call me with your results.
• 33:47
  Dawn Wiggins: We can get into the sexy shit like constitutional homeopathy down the way, but like just get you tipping up first let's.
• 33:54
  Producer Joy: Get you like living, let's get you.
• 33:56
  Dawn Wiggins: But then let's also acknowledge that there is the woman that, like she can't even tip up from here and then she might need constitutional homeopathy.
• 34:02
  Dawn Wiggins: But I think that's the exception, not the rule.
• 34:05
  Dawn Wiggins: Okay, like, truly, that's the exception, right?
• 34:07
  Producer Joy: Like even me in my is just as a outsider in homeopathy, like is there a thing where a homeopathy wouldn't work, or wouldn't work as well, if there isn't some pre-work to be done?
• 34:24
  Producer Joy: Like the woman who is not sleeping, not eating, you know, like cleans her house 24 seven, exercises 24 seven, because that's the only thing her body can do.
• 34:35
  Dawn Wiggins: Like, for instance, I have one client who a lot of our work initially was in desensitizing traumas and creating healthy habits and managing thought life, and but even doing all of that, there was still there's still a level of stuckness that's beyond her right.
• 34:54
  Dawn Wiggins: So so I just want to acknowledge that there are people out there who have been very diligent about taking the steps.
• 35:01
  Dawn Wiggins: I think that even to a certain extent, I would call me one of them.
• 35:06
  Dawn Wiggins: I have a very powerful mind, so I can kind of talk myself into anything, even if.
• 35:12
  Dawn Wiggins: I'm suffering, but I think, you know, I think to the woman that has done the basics and she's still in a lot of pain, I just want to say to her, like it's okay if the basics aren't getting you unstuck, yeah.
• 35:24
  Dawn Wiggins: So to the woman who does the basics and still doesn't get well, she's not wrong, she's not crazy, but she is the consequence of this very, very toxic culture and she needs more tools.
• 35:35
  Dawn Wiggins: But, this is where we start.
• 35:36
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, did I answer your question?
• 35:40
  Dawn Wiggins: Yeah, okay, are we there where we could pivot to like an organized podcast episode?
• 35:48
  Dawn Wiggins: Do we, do we?
• 35:48
  Producer Joy: yeah, you're just going to do the four, four steps for basics and explain those basics.
• 36:03
  Dawn Wiggins: Dior Divorce Diary is a podcast by my Coach Dawn.
• 36:05
  Dawn Wiggins: You can find more at mycoachdowncom.