Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Get Out of Your Own Way

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Get Out of Your Own Way · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

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This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about the game of living in
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and with chronic pain and trauma, gett into the heart of how to heal.
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I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show, I plan
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on discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones,
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and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the chronic pain and
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trauma world that we live in. But I'd like to take like a hot
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minute to think about and talk about rebellion. Does everybody have like a memory
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of the most like epic rebellious moment that you've had in your life thus far?
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I know for me, there's like there's a big fight between the most
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epic rebellious stuff that I've done in my life. Right, So hold on
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to it for little bit and think about how much fun we had right when
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we were young and we were free and we could do whatever we want to
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and there were no consequences. And that's what we thought, right, We
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thought rebellion, rebellion, All these things are happening to us and we don't
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know the shit that's happening to us when we're young. We don't know.
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We don't know about abandonment issues because we or don't even know what abandonment is.
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We don't know why we rebel, We don't know why we decide the
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things that we decide at such a young age. And so many of those
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decisions that we make as kids and as teenagers and even into our adulthood,
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so much of it stems from childhood trauma, abandonment issues and a lot of
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that, a lot of our acting out and rebellion, especially from a girl's
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perspective. And I can speak to that foreshore is because wow, did I
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get left behind in a lot of places in my world? Right? And
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when we take those moments with us and we say, hey, what can
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we do with them now as we've gotten older, be honest with ourselves and
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look at ourselves in the mirror, and be grossly honest with ourselves. You
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know, we can take that crap that we've been through and turn it into
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bad assery. Right. And so I've got this chick today. She is
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the biggest badass on the planet when it comes to getting through things that have
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happened to her in her life and turning them into millions, not just dollars,
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but incense and I say that specifically, and I actually just came up
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with that right off the top of my head right now. The sense is
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what matters because it all adds up. So her story is riddled with sexual
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assault and teenage rebellion, unstable living environments and abandonment and substance abuse and inner
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city gangs. I mean, this girl has been through so much and I
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want to talk about it with you guys. So, without further ado,
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I'd like to introduce to you today my guest, Jennifer Hernandez. Girl.
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Happy New Year, and thank you for being here with us. Happy New
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Year. No, thank you for having me here. It is like such
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an honor. I think you are so incredible, and I think we're going
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to be besties. I mean, it's quite possible. There has been a
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waiting list, so there's an official bestie waiting list. No, I'm totally
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kidding. So, Jennifer, you are a badass. You are a single
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mother of four, and you've worked in the mortgage industry for over eighteen years.
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But your success was not an easy road to walk on, which got
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you here. She is in the top one percent of loan officers in the
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United States Scotsman Guides top producer FHA's Top fifty in the nation and the National
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Association of Real Estate Professionals Top two hundred and fifty producers and the number one
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for FHA lending in the state of Illinois. So I'm rolling out the red
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carpet for you, babe, and I'd like to talk with you about your
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childhood abandonment because I feel after reading your book, and we'll get into your
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book, but I feel like after reading your book, the abandonment piece and
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of course the sexual thought, which is such an uplifting topic that we do,
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unfortunately have to talk about too much on this show. I'd like to
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talk about that living environment and how those earlier head traumas of yours led you
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down the path kind of a little bit of self destruction. And then let's
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take it from there. Yeah. So, now obviously reflecting at the time,
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knowing nothing but reflecting is that you know, I thought growing up a
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lot of it came from, you know, my mom moving out of state
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when I was eleven, but it was so so much more than that.
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Because even though someone's present in nature and is there and does all the things,
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provides the house and home and cooks the dinner like that doesn't mean that
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you're present. And you know, if you don't know, like you don't
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know how to communicate or really know who I am. It's just you know,
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I felt so alone, and so I felt abandoned in multiple aspects.
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And then you know, living in the environment I lived in, it was
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verbal abusive, and then there were some emotional things, and then I felt
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like that was all I deserved because I was very young, right, so
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I was accepting that at a young age, and those young age for our
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children is the most important age. It's where we develop what we believe is
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all we deserve. So I continued to be okay with less than in my
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life because I wasn't aware that they were just broken people and I was just
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a victim of my circumstance. Yeah, And I mean when when you're a
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little girl, I mean or a little boy, doesn't even matter, you're
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you are there going well, I guess this is what it's supposed to be
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like because you don't know anything other than your environment and your living environment and
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the people that are around you in these people that are supposed to be taking
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care of you, and are your parents or your caregivers or your guardian or
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what have you, and then they let you down. How do you at
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such a young age? We royal? We how do we know any different
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other than what we've been shown until then all of a sudden, we start
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seeing like how other kids' lives are and we're like, huh, that's interesting
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because that's not at all what's going on in my fucking mouth. So you
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went through so much at such a young age, So can you talk about
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how when you were young, cause there was a lot of stuff that went
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on with your mom and your dad, because you started out with the divorce
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situation with your parents, So you talk a little bit about that and how
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that kind of projected you into you were bouncing around like a fucking ping pong
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ball for most of basically your life up until fairly recently when you started to
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become really really successful, which, by the way, I applaud you for
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everything that you've been through and how you've come through that. But can you
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talk a little bit about that? Yeah, so you know, that's the
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thing. So the divorce was very pertinent to me because life was never the
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same again from that moment forward. And it was only four so I don't
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have a whole lot of memories of my parents. It's even being together,
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sure, but it's so weird that I remember them telling me they were getting
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divorced. Of course, right, that would be the biggest traumatic thing,
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So of course that was yeah. And the other thing I remember is my
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mom lying to me when I met her soon to be a next husband and
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saying it was like her her girlfriend's boyfriend. I'm like, oh, it's
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right. Oh God, I was like, come on, Mom, Like,
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he don't seem like that's her girlfriend. He seems like your boyfriend.
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I'm like. And I was young and I could pick up on the energy,
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you know. And so so there's lying and stuff that happened. But
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I mean, for me as a child, like I always wished for my
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birthday until I was probably thirteen, that my parents would get back together because
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and you know, I know not what I'm wishing for, truthfully, because
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the fact is they weren't together for a reason. You know. She probably
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ran for the same reasons why I ran, and we didn't know that,
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you know, just like I didn't know why I was really running, you
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know. And the truth is is that she lost her virginity to my father,
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so she didn't know anything of it, you know, and they lived
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in a day where they were to, you know, sit and speak when
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spoken to type of thing, you know. And so how do you know
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how to communicate with your children when you are hardwired from birth that you only
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speak when spoken to. So if I'm not speaking to him, you're not
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speaking to me. There's no conversation. But you know, I was raised
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by my mom and things were different there, so I just didn't you know,
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he was the good time dad and until he had to become the full
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time parent, it was like, oh, you were great. But then
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when I went there, I was like, oh, what's this? You
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know? And that's when your rebellion really took off. I mean, let's
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be real, like you started dabbling. Can we talk about a little bit
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of your dabbling here for a moment, my dear? Or so, of
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course, it always starts, like everybody's always starts with cigarettes or alcohol,
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right, and then marijuana, then acid, cocaine, wiki water, I
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mean, you name it. I did it. And it's weird because I
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I feel like it went through like stints where I was bad on all the
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different things, you know, The truth is is I was just trying to
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escape my pain, and I was looking for a way too. I ran
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from the house because my system knew like I couldn't take that behavior if you
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will, or treatment like I wanted more. I think I knew internally that
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I deserved more, and so I just ran from it. Yeah, and
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we cope, I mean we, especially as kids, we figure out whatever
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coping mechanism. Mine was cigarettes and alcohol for sure, right out of the
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gates, little girl. So I totally identify with that. And also you
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said something in your book about how rebellion like you know, when you rebel,
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we're really looking for attention big picture. We don't know that's what we're
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doing psychologically as kids, but we're looking for attention. We're hungry. I
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know my separated family was a complete s show, you know, and I've
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got all kinds of things to say about that. But this isn't about me
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right now. It's about you. But it's unbelievable how much we as,
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especially as little girls, when we've been abandoned and left behind and sexually assaulted,
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and and you start piling it up. Of course we're gonna be rebellious.
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Of course, we're gonna we're gonna act out. Of course, we're
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gonna say, hey, mom, dad, anybody take a look at what
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the fuck is going on here? I am not okay, And you guys
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are the adults. And my takeaway from a lot of the relationship with your
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parents and reading the book was they weren't paying an attention to you and your
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brother at all. They were only caring about their life and what was going
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on within them, and they forgot about you too well. And I think
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what it is is that it takes accountability and consciousness in order to know that
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she's being a product of her environment and what have I done? What does
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she need from me? Like there was like no accountability. It's like something
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is wrong with her. Let's put her in a place. They're going to
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figure out what's wrong with her. Dope, he up on meds, you
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know. And the truth is is that, like I have a psychotherapist that
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I was working with and she's like, I don't work with youth anymore because
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I can't because the problem is the parents. But the parents don't know that
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the problem is the parents. So nobody will look in the mirror and say,
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like I am responsible for the things like, how do we fix it,
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Jennifer? What is missing for you? I need to feel loved.
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I need to feel accepted. I need to feel like I met her.
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I don't just met her when I act out and I get your freaking attention.
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Know, how about you show me some love so that like, I
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know that I am actually loved because it doesn't feel like love. The things
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that you show me, they don't feel like love. They don't feel good.
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You don't make me feel warm and fuzzy, you know. I don't
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feel like you pay attention to me, you know, And it was there
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is never any of that, you know. So like those stints in and
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out of mental hospitals, which I know we didn't touch on that, but
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I was locked up in and adolescent facilities and they didn't get to the core
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of anything all They of course not ugs, Yeah, of course not.
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And that's not even being locked up in a mental facility either. That's just
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any doctor that we go to, they're like, all right, here you
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go. We're just gonna throw you on this and then we'll see how you
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do on that. I'm like, can we talk about like why I might
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actually be feeling this way? Like where the root cause may be, because
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I think we should start there. It's like, let's just get down to
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like something like high cholesterol. I know it has nothing to do with what
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we're talking about. High cholesterol. Guess where it is, a lot of
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it lives in your liver. Maybe you should look at your liver instead of
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what's actually what you're putting in your mouth. Do they have things that have
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in common? Yes, they do. For me, I don't eat like
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crap. I don't eat butter, I don't eat cheese, I don't eat
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milk, I don't eat glute, and I don't eat like crap. I
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have three hundred and seventy five is my cholesterol? I like one hundred and
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three pounds wet. Has nothing to do with the food that's in my body.
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Be curious, right, so when we're talking about our mental health,
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getting curious about why the hell we feel the way we do, why we're
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exercising the demons that are within us, and where they came from. We're
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kids of the seventies and eighties where our parents were like, I don't know,
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I don't know. I mean, she's acting out. Let's just lock
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her up in a fucking mental institution because we don't know what to do,
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or break a brush at her behinde and maybe that will help her. My
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God something, right, So that led. So you went in and out
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of a couple of facilities, did you go two or three? No?
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Two different facilities. One I went to twice, but the other one I
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went to school at for like months, and so that experience there. Can
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you explain to us what that experience was for you? So, actually,
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my dad didn't know what to do. So instead of saying like, I
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don't know what to do, but I really want to help you daughter,
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like let's talk about what's wrong. Instead he went to the police department and
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he asked the police for help. He asked them to help him that his
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daughter's out of control. He doesn't know what to do. So he came
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up to the school and he's like, Jen, we got to go the
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police need to talk to you. I'm like, I haven't done anything.
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He's like, well, something happened and they need to speak with you.
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So I got to take you to the police department right now. I'm like,
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I didn't do anything, like what And so we went to the police
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department. Then my mom comes in who is Obviously she was back in state,
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but she's in and out, you know, in and out. So
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she comes up to the police department and she after I'm there for hours,
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and they want me to sign an agreement to not hang out with my friend
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because of course everybody else is the problem, not me. Well guess who's
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the common denominator in all my friend group. It's me. I'm the problem,
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So it's not you know. So they're like, you have to sign
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an agreement and not hang out with your best friend. Well, my boyfriend
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was spending the night at her house that night, so there was zero chance
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I was signing that agreement. Oh. I stat there for hours. I'm
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like, no, this is ridiculous. Take me home. I'm not doing
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this, I said, Dad, you know I'm going to face as soon
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as we leave here, you know. And he's like, just sign the
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agreement and we'll just go home. Well then my mom came in the room
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and my mom's like, your dad brought you up here because he doesn't know
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what to do with you. I'm like, hell, yeah, I've been
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here all day long and you're telling me you brought me here and you asked
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for this, and he was so upset. He was so upset they brought
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lost it Like, I was so pissed. I wouldn't talk to either one
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of them. They brought a stretcher up there, strapped me down to it,
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pretended like they were going to take me to the hospital. I'm like,
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oh my god. He's like, I'm not gonna let you go.
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We're not going to go, you know. And then he felt bad about
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it. It's like, why don't you just sit me down and say,
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hey, we got to get to the issue, like what is wrong with
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you? Like, how are you you know, where's it coming from?
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How about you just talk to me, you know? And so instead I
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signed their little agreement. I went home and I ended up spending the night
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at my friend's house. We go in trouble, got arrested, and I
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ended up in the mental hospital that night. I love how you just like
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and then and then I just ended up in the mental hospital. You just
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like and then and that is like what that's actually unbelievable. How you just
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kind of like brush that under the rug, because that is not a rush
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it under the rug kind of situation. Girlfriend, Like, that's a lot.
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That's a lot for a little girl to go through and carry that forward
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and keep carrying that forward and that heavy weight. And you're a mother of
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four children. I don't know why you did that. By the way,
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four kids, you're crazy. You know why? Because I was gonna end
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up in jail, and so yeah, I do know why that in jail
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or four kids, I don't know. That's a tough one. That's a
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tough one. It's a really tough one. Actually for me. That's that's
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a fifteen to fifty split for me. I have to tell you and parents
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who are listening, listen up, guys, that sophomore year, there's something
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about it. Pay attention. Because each one of my kids tried to roll
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off the handle, but because their mom was who their mom was, they
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couldn't get away with anything nothing. They got real close, like one time,
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but they never got away with it ever. And you have you know,
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like, you can't you can't go back. See I learned that you
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You can't come after the fact and be like, oh, I want to
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fix it. You have to fix it in the moment. Like when they
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try to go off rail, you have to pull them back and make sure
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that they understand it's not happening, you know, because that's you. And
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when they hate you, that means they know you care. Yeah, you
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know, they don't discipline. Yeah, you don't hate you. You're doing
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something wrong, you know, I mean absolutely unless they just had no trauma.
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But for me, you know, I was swore at and talked to
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like pretty foul. So I rolled some of that over to my kids,
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and then I had to be you know, I had to take ownership and
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I had to come back in and I had to fix that and be like
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my bad. You know, I know not what I do because I didn't
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know that was wrong. That's how I was raised door. I mean,
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you talk about your accountability earlier. You're doing what you wanted your parents to
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do, which was being holding yourself accountable for the behavior and the way that
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you're acting in regard in regards to your children. Again, there's there's fucking
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kids, man. They don't know what's going on, don't They don't know
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what we know. And so for you to put your knowledge and your your
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experience and your life and all the things that you went through and say like,
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guys, guess what, Yeah, I know everything because I've tried it
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all and I've done it all, so nice try And sophomore year, You're
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right, that was my year as well, where it was like, wow,
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things could have gone so different in my world. Had my sophomore year
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been different than what it was. Yeah, I had straight apps. That
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was well, that was not me, not from a grade perspective. I
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was an honor student. I was gross like and I have no idea how,
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I have no idea. I was in the back row. I was
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always skipping school. I was doing my thing. I was always rebellion.
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I was getting tattoos, like on the backside of a wall behind my high
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school, like really really epic stuff. And I just you know, I
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didn't get caught. I didn't get caught. I didn't get caught. I
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didn't get caught, and it kept going and going and going. Even when
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I did get caught, I still didn't have consequences. The consequences have turned
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into basically coming towards my consequences ended up being in my late thirties, in
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my early forties when it came to my health and my body from all the
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disastrous rebellious stuff that I did with my body and to my body. It's
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all, it's all like I'm faced with it now and so that's for a
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different day. But okay, So we've got you locked in adolescent facilities,
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teenage rebellion, like crazy abandonment. Your mom's crazy with her new spouse moving
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back and forth. You've got your dad and his new wife, who is
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a joy from my understanding. God, I'm only my eyes so big,
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I'm rely my eyes so big. On stepmom, your stories are so crazy
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because you got involved in gangs as well. Can we talk about gangs?
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I mean, good God, she's in a Chica, she's dealing with people
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in Chicago gangs as well, So can we chat on that is? Can
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we chitchat about that too? Oh? Yeah? They accepted me for who
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I was, you know, and their families took me in and acted as
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if like I was part of their family and they didn't even tell me.
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You know how great that felt as me as this broken girl who really just
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wants to be cared for, loved. And I felt that from like random
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strangers, and it felt really good. And it's it's it's you know,
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it's it's so ironic because like the one main family who like treated me like
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that, and really I felt that for and they had my daughter's like baby
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shower for me. Their own children have you know, had so much hurt
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and stuff that they have yet to deal with. But it's like they kind
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of saved me, you know. So it's just ironic, Like everybody needs
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something different, we just we just don't know what that is in the time.
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But like if we could all just give a little bit more love and
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compassion and understand that we're all imperfect and try to grow, this can just
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be. It's just so much of a better world. But yeah, the
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gangs and it gets like the streets gives you everything you need, acceptance,
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ways to have fun, drugs, you know, sex, like lots of
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you know, rebellious crazy things, you know, raves. I mean,
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it was not fun being chased at and shot at. And I don't know
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if you know this or not, but they play bumper cars with like real
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life cars in the city. Yes, yes, So I don't know what
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this means right now. I'm like at a small little crappy like fair ground
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thinking about bumper cars. What are you talking about? So in Chicago,
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like you guys just run into each other like a bunch of dicks and play
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a game what's happening here? Yeah, they cast me with their cars and
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they try to ram your car and if if they don't have a gun to
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shoot you, they'll just ram their car into your car until they hopefully can
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crash you or harm you in some way. Yeah, did I communicate my
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thoughts and that with no words? Because that's where I was for a second.
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This one is usually not without words. So what every the first time
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I got shot, Like the first time I got shot at, you know,
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because when you were the first time, hold on, guys, the
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first time I got shot at. Yeah, the first time is very scary,
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you know, like, oh, it is almost like what's going on?
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And like some of my friends they just laughed at me because it's everyday
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life they live, you know, this is their their everyday thing. And
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I remember he was just one of them, was just cracking up so hard.
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I'm like, this is not because my because he seen me shaky.
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I was like this, you know. And then after that, like you
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just know what's coming and you just try to duck, hide, cover,
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you know, avoid the bullets, and it's just it's just you know.
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But the thing about it is we turned to the streets for a reason.
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We're all broken. We're all looking for something. And if there was something
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out there, I think people would turn to it. It's just there really
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isn't an ecosystem like that out there. And if your family can't give you
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what you're looking for, we're going to find it. Yeah, you seek
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elsewhere. Yeah, my mentor, he used to say it great. He's
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like, I didn't have a father, so I looked for one, and
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guess what, I found one on the streets. They guided me to be
22:25
exactly who they needed me to be. You know, when someone needs a
22:27
role model, they're going to find one. Doesn't mean they're going to be
22:30
the one that they need. Yeah, and they're not necessarily going to be
22:33
a good one either. And I remember in your book here you're talking about
22:36
how like, yeah, I just showed up at my dad's house and there
22:38
were bullet holes in my car. I'm like, okay, if I'm Dad,
22:41
I am like taking you and I am putting you in like the biggest
22:45
bubble hug rap that I could possibly do and make sure that you're safe.
22:49
And that was not what I felt that you got even still, and that
22:53
makes me angry. And I got and I'm not gonna lie. There were
22:57
places in this book of yours that I was really mad at the adults in
23:03
your life. I was pissed off because they let you down. Every step
23:08
of the way, every place that you could have been let down by an
23:11
adult, you were. And I was angry. And I read in my
23:15
sauna, which is my like I almost day like spot, and I am
23:19
in there. I literally changed my posture in my I'm like, I am
23:23
mad, and so you took my meditation away from me. So congratulations,
23:27
but I did it for you. I was angry, and I'm angry for
23:32
anybody that has been through what you've been through, where adults have let you
23:36
down, and unfortunately we hear this far too often, and what you've been
23:40
able to do from all of it, your escaping reality, all of the
23:44
rebellion, all of the addiction, all of the things, the sex,
23:47
the drugs, that all of it, the violence, and you turned into
23:51
this absolute badass woman who is now this multi millionaire who freaking like brings it.
23:59
But it took you, you being homeless, building your life, losing
24:03
all of it, yet again building it again, losing it. I am
24:06
just so incredibly impressed with you and your tenacity to get through the things,
24:10
and you're you're an incredible role model for a lot of women that are like
24:14
myself and you, who have taken the shitty things that have happened to them
24:18
and turned them into incredible. Like with me, I'm giving pain purpose.
24:22
I'm giving my pain purpose. I would have never done something like this had
24:26
I not been diagnosed with this debilitating disease that I have. But I've taken
24:30
that and having to do something with it, because what's the alternative. I'm
24:33
going to sit here and make my whole entire life revolve around something that's shitty,
24:37
yes, but making it positive. And that's what you've done. So
24:41
can you talk a little bit about what you have done to create this unbelievable
24:45
home and life for you and your four children, because I think it's pretty
24:48
awesome. Yeah, So it's not, you know, it's not always fabulous
24:52
as we make it Seem's not. It's definitely. And first off, before
24:56
I go there, I just want to tell you that you are so incredible.
25:00
I have done a lot of podcasts. You are by far my favorite.
25:04
You just have just just an incredible aura and joy and I love you.
25:08
Thank you so much. Thank you. So here's the thing. If
25:11
any of those adults would have changed, anything would have been different. I
25:15
would not be who I am. I would not be able to impact and
25:18
do the things that I'm meant to do in this world. And so I'm
25:22
so grateful for like all of it, and all the actors that you know,
25:26
played all their roles. To be honest with you, like all of
25:27
it, the good, bad, the ugly, because I'm gonna be able
25:30
to touch people that like may not be maybe may mean me too, maybe
25:34
on the edge, you know. So I'm just I'm just so grateful,
25:40
and I'm super grateful that I never quit. But I did have to like
25:42
reprogram the way I thought, removed my living, limiting beliefs, removed myself
25:48
and people access to me. I had to cut everybody off who was not
25:52
negative and didn't give me what I gave them, you know, and truly,
25:56
like my most successful year was twenty two. That's when I was number
26:00
one for FH lending in Illinois, and it was by far the most difficult
26:06
year of my life. I have never cried so much. I never did
26:11
so much work to dive so deep and become one hundred percent responsible for all
26:14
that I call into my life. There's definitely like an inner battle within me
26:18
that I was I was dealing with. And it's also the year that I
26:22
realized that, you know, where my emotional like the emotional abuse, the
26:26
damage that it really caused because I couldn't see it because my dad, Without
26:32
my dad, I had no one because my mom left, and I just
26:33
couldn't see the damage that was really caused. And what I really continued to
26:38
call in my life was my inner beliefs of what I thought I deserved.
26:42
And the truth was is that I I was looking for the same way,
26:47
the same love he gave me. That's what I continue to look for,
26:49
and it was because I didn't learn how to love myself. So but I
26:53
couldn't get there without going through all of the hurdles and figuring it out.
26:57
Because I was never a victim to anything. I just couldn't see the damath
27:02
that it caused. But like I had to pay attention to my triggers and
27:04
where those first showed up in my life, and those were the indicators of
27:08
what I really needed to heal and why I continue to allow people to come
27:11
into my life and continue to treat me less than I deserve to be treated.
27:15
Twenty twenty two was Healing, Super Healing and learning how to love Myself
27:22
was twenty twenty three, and this year, I'm so excited because I will
27:27
not accept less than in any aspect, no way, shape or form.
27:33
Like if you're not pouring in into me, if you're dimming my light and
27:34
trying to bring me down to a level that I'm not meant to be at,
27:37
that's just not happening anymore. And it's just, guys, it's an
27:41
ongoing work, Like, it's just ongoing, and I'm forty six years old
27:47
and just figuring out how to love myself. So it's okay. But as
27:51
long as you continue on your process wherever you at and really become one hundred
27:55
percent responsible and just know that, like everything we call into our lives is
27:59
so be Like when a challenge arises, now I'm like, great, what
28:02
am I supposed to learn? Where am I not honoring myself that I'm allowing
28:04
this to happen to me again? And what do I need to do to
28:10
pay attention to those things? So I don't continue it? Because to be
28:14
honest with you, you can have narcissistic behavior coming from your best friends,
28:18
no kidding, You'll call it, and you continue to call it in till
28:23
you really learn. You know, you deserve more, and I deserve the
28:29
world and I'm coming for it all. And so my suggestion to you is
28:33
just you know, and you know, the funny thing is in regards to
28:36
like, I have to say this because my stepmother, like, I have
28:40
so much love for her, because truthfully, if it wasn't for her,
28:45
my dad would have nobody and it took you know, you can't expect her
28:49
to be perfect with having to deal with and love my dad like you know,
28:55
he needed her like we needed her out, you know. So that's
29:00
why, like, there's a perfect match for all of us, and who
29:03
are we to judge? Truthfully, I'm just the daughter, like you know,
29:07
and she has her trauma and he has his trauma. And guess what,
29:10
guys, our parents are not gonna They're not gonna fix it and they
29:12
don't have to. If you heal, you'll be able to love them and
29:18
it will be okay. Just I mean, you have to set up protective
29:21
boundaries so you're no longer being hurt. But you know, some people aren't
29:25
gonna heal it in this lifetime, but I'm grateful that I am, and
29:29
I'm going to make sure that my kids do and I reverse all the behaviors
29:32
that I did incorrectly and take ownership for that so that way they don't have
29:36
to call that crap into their life and they don't have to learn the same
29:38
way I did. And I mean, and that's beautiful. And I'm glad
29:42
that you said that about your step on, because I mean, I'm on
29:45
your team, by the way. One. So reading the book, I'm
29:48
like, I'm gonna I am going to cut people talk about Chicago gang.
29:55
I am your LA, I'm your LA gang member on help to support and
30:00
protect you. I can tell you that much right now. But it was
30:03
just one of those books that really there's a lot of parallels, not so
30:07
much the gang violent side of it, but there was a so there were
30:11
so many parallels in it that it took me back to some places that were
30:15
kind of dark and twisty, which happens on this show because it's kind of
30:18
the show. It's dark and twisty. But it was like, ooh,
30:22
geez, I haven't thought about that in a very long time. So you
30:26
pulled out some stuff that I actually have suppressed, and so I had some
30:30
decent conversations with my sweetie. I was just like, oh, God,
30:34
like I have to vomit on you right now. And you can call Jennifer
30:37
after because it's her fault. I should have gave you my numbhere. You
30:41
could have gave it all to me. I would, Oh, I have
30:42
it. I have it. You have to fill it out on the form
30:45
you have to put it in, so I already have it. I can
30:48
heckle you no. But it's just like I would. I just I felt
30:53
like I understood so many places, not all the places, but I definitely
30:56
could empathize and sympathize in different places throughout your book. But I love that
31:00
at the at the end of all of it, which is what everything that
31:03
we do on this show is talk about hope. There's always a message of
31:07
hope with every single episode. And you've already done that. But and the
31:12
title of her book is no one can stop me but me, And that
31:17
is something for all of us to like take in, take a deep breath,
31:21
like pull over if you need to, because yeah, guys, you're
31:25
the only person in your way. So get out of it, get out
31:27
of your own way and do something with it. Like, Okay, I
31:32
can hear you, bitch and complain about things that are going bad in your
31:34
life. Okay, great, good for you. We all have shit that's
31:38
happening in our life, good, bad, and ugly. It's what you
31:41
do with it. And that's what Jennifer is doing, and that's what Lindsay
31:45
is doing. And yes I'm speaking in the third person. I love the
31:51
journey that I've been on, good, bad, and ugly, and I
31:53
love the journey you've been on, good, bad, and ugly. And
31:56
I'm so glad we met at this crossroads in your life, because what an
32:00
amazing place to have found you. Yes, I'm so thank you so much
32:05
because, like I mean, you've read the book. So I need all
32:07
the support I have. It's following apart. Actually, I definitely feel like
32:13
for the most part in life, I've kind of been just swinging and my
32:16
back's been kind of against the wall in a lot of areas. So I'm
32:21
ready in this season to take all of the support I can get from everywhere.
32:24
And I'm just I think it's my time. It is, absolutely it's
32:29
everybody's time everyone. So if you are feeling eugh right now, you're feeling
32:34
a little lu don't don't, but lift your shoulders up, put them back,
32:38
stick those tits out, and let's go for it. She's got bigger
32:42
ones than me, but we'll both do it. Here, Everybody do it.
32:45
It's wonderful. I love that you just did it. Thank you.
32:52
I am so proud of you, and I am so happy to have met
32:54
you and have you on this show today. And there are so many things
32:58
that are coming up that's going on with this girl. So let's talk about
33:00
where we can find you. You have to get her book for starters.
33:04
It's called No One Can Stop Me But Me. You can get on Amazon
33:07
all this will be show notes and on Instagram and social and all that stuff.
33:12
But let's talk to us about where we can find you. You can
33:15
find me on Instagram at imgen Hernandez, and I do have a website.
33:19
I am Gen Hernandez and you should and it's j E. N N Hernandez.
33:22
You should sign up because I have lots of incredible things coming motivational messages,
33:28
different things like that, a documentary which is in process, so we're
33:31
working on that. Also for a living. We didn't really get into it,
33:36
but we got a little bit into it. I do mortgages and I
33:37
help people in load and motor income areas, people who are creditly challenged because
33:42
obviously I have an incredible story and have had to rebuild myself so many times
33:46
over. So if you've been denied for a loan or your credit you is
33:51
messed up. You don't think you can apply, You can go buy approved
33:53
by gen dot com and apply right on my link. Real estate agents,
33:58
don't let your deals die this year. We need every single deal that can
34:00
count and just hit me up on any of the social media platforms or directly.
34:06
And I love that because you really do work with in the housing world.
34:09
And it's not like she's sitting here slinging her mortgage business, because it's
34:13
not who she is. She comes from a place where she was homeless.
34:16
And when you're talking about somebody that had no credit, had no money,
34:20
was living on the streets, was dealing with addiction, was dealing with the
34:22
gang violence and all those things, she didn't have anything. She didn't have
34:27
two pennies to rub together. And look at where she's at now. So
34:30
she's here to help in that regard as well, which I think is pretty
34:34
frickin' awesome. What an interesting career choice that ended up happening through it all,
34:38
and it was neat to kind of read about how you got there.
34:40
So thank you for sharing your stories with us and being vulnerable and raw and
34:44
badass. Tits up, literally literally tits up. Is there anything that you'd
34:52
like to leave our listeners with before we hit the dusty trail here? Just
34:57
the thing that tears our world apart is race, religion, and politics.
35:00
Guys, just lead with more love and forgiveness. We are all imperfect.
35:05
Just allow an opportunity for someone to right their wrongs and take you know,
35:08
they do have to take ownership. Once they take ownership, we can move
35:13
forward in and really forgive. And the forgivenness isn't really for them, because
35:16
some of us will have to forgive some very deep things. It's not for
35:19
them, it's for you. So you don't have to be a victim and
35:22
stay in a cage for that any longer. I love it. Thank you
35:23
so much. Oh that's good. I like the end the cage thing,
35:27
nicely done. Thank you so much again. I really appreciate your time today.
35:32
Oh thank you. You are exclusively invited to share this. No one
35:37
can stop me but me, badass VIP pain journey Together, Let's get to
35:43
the heart of how to heal with you by my side. Do you know
35:45
somebody who is living in and with chronic pain, where has been dealing with
35:50
trauma or may not have a roof over their head. Please reach out to
35:53
me or Jen. We are here for you. I would love to connect
35:58
with them and hear their heartfelt stories of strength and wisdom and badasstery because that's
36:01
what we do here. So please follow the Pain Game Podcast wherever you digest
36:07
your podcast content, we will be there. Visit us at the Pain gamepodcast
36:12
dot com and follow us on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my
36:15
little VIPs. Catch you on the other side.